Noah and Jordan - 13. Chapter Thirteen

*** NOAH ***

I can feel his heart race against my body; the vibrations flowing through my skin. We’re pressed up together against the door, our hands intertwined. Our lips locked together. There is this fire inside of me, this desire, I don't think I’ve ever felt before. Jordan wants to be with me. Despite the hardships and obstacles, he is choosing me.

A voice in my head is telling me to pull back, to say no. To walk away. The chances of getting hurt are high. But I don’t. There is this honesty, this vulnerability, in Jordan’s voice, in his eyes, that I cannot ignore. I may be a fool, this may be the worst decision of my life, but I don’t care. In this moment I don’t care. All I care about is how I feel. How he makes me feel. I trust him when he says he will never intentionally hurt me.

As we kiss, I start to ease up and let go of my insecurities. I bring down the barricades I've erected throughout all these years to keep everyone away. I can feel Jordan. I can feel the passion within him. That's all I need.

Our moment of bliss though is broken by the intrusive sound of my phone. It snaps me back to reality, the reality of Jenn. I manage to get one hand free and place it on Jordan’s chest. He moves his lips but remains close.

“I should probably get that,” I say.

“Yeah, I guess you should. I didn’t tell her anything … about my feelings for you.”

I move away but fall back when I realize Jordan is still holding onto my other hand.

“We're in this together,” he says.

This is not going to be easy.

“Hey, Jenn,” I say answering the phone.

“Now you answer!”

“Sorry I was taking a shower,” I lie. “What’s up?”

“Well, you were right about Jordan.”

“What do you mean?” I try to sound casual. I’m such an ass.

“He ended things.” She is clearly upset and angry.

Shocker. “What? Why?” I have to pretend to be surprised. I can’t tell her the truth. Not yet.

“I honestly don’t know.”

“Did he say anything?” I glance over at Jordan. He is sitting on the couch, a blank expression on his face. I can tell he also feels like an awful human right now.

“No. We were supposed to hang out tonight … but he just ended things instead. It was completely out of the blue. He didn't give any reason. He just said it was something to do with him.”

“Oh …” What do I even say? How do I comfort her? Usually I would talk badly about the guy she broke up with, but in this case that doesn't seem like the right thing to do.

“I have no idea what happened. I know we weren’t in a committed relationship or anything. We only really went on like one proper date ... but I thought we had potential. I really liked him. For once I thought I’d finally found a decent guy, someone who is actually genuine. But I guess not. He probably realized I’m high maintenance and decided to run.”

“Jenn, that's nonsense. You're a great person. Your personality is what makes you - well, you. It's the best thing about you. And you're not high maintenance. As you said, he did say it had to do with him.”

“That's a line!” she yells. “Everyone says that to be nice.”

“Maybe he really meant it.”

“Unless you forgot you’re my friend. You should be taking my side, not his.”

“I'm not taking his side. Of course I support you.”

“I even asked him if it had something to do with you.”

“And what did he say?” It has everything to do with me!

“He said it wasn’t about you, but I don’t believe him. You were right. I should have listened to you and avoided him. He’s clearly not a good guy. He just pretends to be one. Maybe you should avoid him too, end the friendship before he hurts you as well.”

I honestly don’t even know what to say to her. Now is not the time to defend Jordan.

“Look, you’re a great person, Jenn. I’m sure you’ll find someone much better. Someone just as loud and energetic as you.”

“Right now all I want to do is eat ice cream and punch someone.”

I’m on the phone with Jenn for a while. I can’t just hang up! She really is angry. I know this is not really just about Jordan. It’s about her dating life in general. Her last boyfriend turned out to be a bit of an ass. The one before that cheated on her. In general, her dating life has been rather unsuccessful. Plus, I know she really did like Jordan, which is why she’s taking this harder than she normally would. I feel like such an ass. I hate that she’s upset because of me. I’m not much of a friend.

Jordan just sits there on the couch. He doesn't move, twitch or do anything. He very well could be mistaken for a statue. I know Jenn deserves to know the truth, but I don't have the guts to tell her. At least not yet. Besides I don’t even know what exactly Jordan and I are doing. This is all so new.

After about twenty or so minutes Jenn hangs up. I walk over to Jordan and sit beside him. Neither of us says anything for a few minutes. Jordan is the first to break the silence.

“I'm so sorry man.”

“I know.”

“How is she?”

“Pissed at you, but she'll be okay,” I say.

“Honestly, I didn't want to hurt her, but I just couldn't drag her along either. It wasn't fair to her,” he says. “I even thought about telling her the real reason. But I didn’t because I’m not certain if she knows you’re gay. I assume she does. But I didn’t want to say anything because I promised you I wouldn’t.”

“She knows. I told her a few weeks ago,” I say. “As I was talking to her, I kept contemplating whether I should tell her the truth. But it didn’t feel like the right time. I hate lying to her but it's too soon. I think first we need to figure out what exactly we're doing …”

He looks up at me. He takes hold of my hand and wraps his fingers around mine. “I agree. My plan was to kiss you and win you over. The rest is now up to you.”

“Seriously?” That very well could have been all he thought about.

“Of course not, Noah. I’m not an expert on dating a guy, but I imagine it’s the same as any other relationship. I think we take it slow and see how things develop. Obviously, there are going to be differences in this relationship, and a lot of firsts. But they will be firsts for both of us. We just need to communicate with each other, and be honest about how we feel. And if one of us isn’t comfortable, or feels we’re going too fast, then we slow it down. All that matters to me is that we spend time together, and get to know one another. We'll figure out the rest along the way.”

“I like the sound of that,” I say.

“Should we tell people?” Jordan asks.

“Personally, I would rather not. At least not yet. I think right now we just need to focus on ourselves, see how we feel, see where this goes. That will be a lot easier without any outside distractions. Is that okay?” As much as I trust Jordan, I’m still wary. Who knows how he will react once this euphoria wears off. Until I know he’s in this for the long run, I’m not telling another soul.

“Absolutely. I agree. That makes sense. So, what do we do now?”

“Well, Jenn asked me to drop by her place.”

“Oh.”

I can tell he’s disappointed. I think he wanted to talk and figure out what we do next. So do I. But I can’t just ditch Jenn.

“Sorry, Jordan.”

“It's fine. I know she’s important to you. Do you think I should tag along?”

“You know what, I think so. I think she would really appreciate that.”

“Yeah, or kick the crap out of me. But in all seriousness, how are we going to hang out around Jenn?” he asks.

“That's going to be a problem. Us hanging out in public is just two guys hanging out. But in front of Jenn …” I trail off.

“She probably hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you, but she’s also not a fan at the moment.”

“So, what do we do?”

“We give her some time to cool off, to get over everything. After that I’ll try my best to convince her that you're a good guy somehow. I’ll have to lie a lot, naturally, to cover up your many, many flaws.”

“My flaws are what make me so attractive to you,” he says with that killer smile.

“Sure, if you believe so.”

“So, I guess I should head out then,” Jordan says getting up.

I really don't want him to leave, but I don't have any other choice.

“Yeah. Maybe we can meet up tomorrow and talk?” I ask as we reach the door.

“As in a date?” he says with a smile.

“As in a date,” I reply with a smile of my own.

“Absolutely. I just have a study group tomorrow afternoon. I should probably be done by eight. Is that okay? If not, I’ll leave early —”

“Eight is fine. No need to ditch your study group. We can meet here. That way we can sit and talk comfortably, and figure everything out.”

“I like the sound of that. Good night, Noah,” he says as he reaches for the door.

“Jordan wait, you forgot something.”

He turns around. “What?”

This time I move in quickly. I take him in my arms as we push up against the door. It’s my turn to show him just how much I care. My hands are all over him, feeling his body. Our lips meet as I devour him. A few seconds later I step back.

“A parting gift to remember me by. Good night, Jordan.”

“Good night, Noah.”

*** JORDAN ****

Excited, but scared.
Nervous, but optimistic.
Hopeful, yet anxious.
Extremely aroused.
But above all, deeply happy.

I'm not sure if there is a word to describe how I'm feeling. Wrapped in Noah's arms, his lips on mine, I feel at peace. I've never felt this way before. Sure, I have no idea what’s next, how we proceed, or how my life will change. But I'm not overly worried. I trust Noah. I trust that we will figure it out together. I would have loved to figure out some of that the other night, but unfortunately Noah had to leave. I understand why. He had to go see Jenn. He had to go clean up my mess.

When I woke up my first thought was of Noah. I had this urgent desire to have him in my arms again. To taste his lips again. Fuck. I have to temper this animalistic lust I have for him. Ripping off his clothes has become a constant dream of mine. But I know I'll have to wait. I can't rush into sex with Noah. I don't think he's ready. I don't think I’m either. My brain tells me that, but my dick, well, it says something else. I'll just have to take care of that with my trusted hand, at least for now.

Throughout the day I send Noah messages, jokes, memes; anything I can think of that will make him laugh. I know he had a hard time last night meeting Jenn. He told me he’ll fill me in on the details tonight. That’s code for it didn’t go well. So, because Noah is upset, it’s my job to make him feel better. And I can’t think of any other way than sending pointless jokes.

Somehow I manage to get through all of my classes and my study group. I really have to force myself to pay attention. My midterm is on Monday and I know it’s going to be hard. From there I quickly run home to change. I know I can wear what I have on now, but it isn’t fancy enough. I want to look my best for Noah. Usually it takes me a few minutes to get ready. I have a few articles of clothing I seem to always wear on a date. I don't own many fancy things; one would need money to buy fancy clothes! I try on a bunch of outfits. My black jeans, my blue jeans, this shirt, that shirt, but nothing feels right. In the end I decide to wear clothes that, yes, are a bit more fitted than they should be. But I have my reasons. I want to give Noah a sneak peek of what is to come. I hope (I so hope) it gets him excited!

It may have taken me years to get ready, but getting to Noah's place takes no time at all. I'm a bit excited, I'll admit. I was going to pick up flowers along the way, but I wasn't sure he would take offence to that. You know, usually the guy gives the girl flowers. I'm not trying to say he is the girl in this relationship! There is no girl. Though he is cooking ... In the end I decide you can never go wrong with a chocolate-based dessert.

I step up to his door. I straighten my shirt. I take a deep breath and knock.

“Hey, Jordan! Come on in!”

Fuck he is sexy. I've never seen these clothes before, though to be fair, I've never really paid too much attention. He's wearing these black skinny jeans (see I'm not the only one with fitted clothes!) with this untucked deep blue shirt. The top two buttons are undone, giving me a peak of the top of his smooth chest. To top it off, he’s wearing this wickedly sexy smile. All I want to do is taste those lips! Wait. What's stopping me? He's my boyfriend! I lean in and plant my lips on his. Just divine.

“This is for you,” I say giving him the box of desserts.

“You didn't have to bring anything.”

“I wanted to. Whatever you're making smells delicious!”

“Thanks. I hope it tastes as good as it smells. Dinner will be done in like five minutes. Can I get you something to drink?”

“Sure. So, how is Jenn doing?”

“She's okay. Still angry and upset. Honestly man, I felt awful the entire time I was there. I didn’t know what to say. I hate lying to her. I wanted to tell her the truth but ... it just wasn't the right time.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Again, I'm so sorry for putting you in that position.”

“It's okay. I'm sure we'll figure it out eventually. Though, just so we are clear, I will use this against you in the future,” Noah says.

“We’ve dated for all of five seconds and already you’re making a list of things to use against me in the future?” I ask with a smile.

“Yep,” he nods.

“Well, that’s only fair. Also, I'm glad you're thinking of our future. And on that note, a toast, to us.”

“Cheers,” he says as we clink glasses. “About that, I kind of wanted to ask you something …” he says getting all serious.

“Ask away.”

“We didn't really talk about terms ... but does this make us …”

“Boyfriends?” I ask.

“Yeah.” He is still so shy and timid.

“Would that make you happy if that's what we called ourselves?” I ask just to tease him.

“Maybe,” he says trying to hold back a smile.

“Well, it would make me very happy,” I say giving him a break. “I don't just randomly go and kiss guys, you know. Those are reserved only for my boyfriend.”

“Well, I would hope not!”

“And just to be clear, it will only be you. I'm not going to see anyone else. Just the two of us.”

“I like the sound of that. Okay, dinner is ready. The washroom is right over there if you want to wash up.”

When I'm back in the kitchen the table is set for a feast! And I mean a feast! It looks like Noah cooked for twenty people not two.

“Noah, you really went out of your way! There is so much food.”

“Just a couple of things,” he says sitting down.

“It all looks so good. I don't even know where to start!” I've honestly struck gold. This guy is one amazing cook. “Honestly Noah, this is fantastic! If you keep cooking like this, then I'm going to gain a lot of weight in this relationship!”

“Oh, that might be a problem. You know I'm only with you for your body, right?” Noah is so serious I almost take him for his word. I then see him smile.

“I don't know what to tell you, but you're stuck with me! I'm never leaving this kitchen. You're going to have to roll me out the door. Honestly man, this is really good.”

“Thank you, Jordan.”

“Also, now I know you’ve been checking out my body,” I say teasing him.

“Well, it’s kind of hard not to notice when you put on a show,” he replies.

“What show?”

“Oh, you know what show. The other day we went running. I saw what you did with your shirt. You’re not as clever as you think you are,” he says.

I can’t help but smile. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I guess I wasn’t as subtle as I thought I was!

“Of course not.”

“So, is it just my body you’re attracted to or anything else?” I ask to tease him.

“Your face is not too bad to look at,” he replies.

“Thanks, I guess. I’m curious … I told you why I fell for you … what is it that made you fall for me?”

He puts his fork down, leans back in his chair and thinks for a moment.

“When did I start to like you ... well ... to be honest with you I'm not sure. As you know I don't have many guy friends, so getting to know you was great. English class was actually fun for once. And I would have much rather worked with you than the pretentious brat.”

“Oh God, right, the brat …”

“You're just a tad better than he is.”

“Uh-huh …”

“To be honest with you I thought you were just a dumb jock when I met you.”

“What! A dumb jock! Well I hope you think differently now!”

“Slightly. You surprised me though. You were funny, smart, caring. It’s always been so easy talking to you. And I was hooked.”

“When did you realize that you’re gay?”

“Well, that’s a long story. It all started in high school …”

He tells me the entire story. When the feelings started, how he liked a guy in school. He tells me how he left his home, moved halfway across the country, and tried to be straight. I didn't realize he's struggled with all of this for so long.

“So, how did Sebastian enter the picture? You told him?” I ask.

“He figured it out and asked me. I was surprised. I thought I hid it well, but I guess I didn’t. You know, he’s the one who made up all of that stuff about you. He’s the one who told me you think I’m weird.”

That motherfucker. “He's an ass and a liar. I didn’t realize it right away when you told me, but later I figured it had to be him. I'm sorry for everything he said and did.”

“It’s not your fault. He really doesn’t like you,” Noah says.

“And I don’t like him.”

“At first I thought he was saying those things because he just wanted to be with me … but I think he honestly hates you. Did something happen between the two of you?”

“Not really. Well, there was one thing last year, but I can’t imagine he’s still upset about that,” I say.

“What happened?”

“So, at the end of the year, we vote on who should be team captain next year. Usually someone on the team nominates you. Normally someone in their last year is picked, because they’ve been with the team the longest. Last year, I was nominated – even though I’d only been on the team for one year. I didn’t ask my friend to nominate me – he just did. And Sebastian was pissed. It was sort of known that it would be him this year. And he didn’t like being challenged. I obviously lost. I thought he got over it. But maybe he didn’t?”

“Maybe. Anyway, the reason why I bring him up is because … I wanted to talk to you a bit about what happened the night we broke up.”

I can tell he is nervous. I place my hand on top of his to give him comfort. “You don’t have to say anything if you’re not ready.”

“I know. Also, you have to promise me, you won’t say anything to Sebastian. He’s your teammate. I don’t want there to be any issues with your volleyball team.”

I don’t want to promise, but I know I have to. “I won’t say anything. You have my word.”

“That night I realized Sebastian didn’t want to be with me. He only wanted to have sex. And he was a bit forceful. But he didn’t hurt me,” he quickly adds.

“What does that mean he was forceful?” I ask.

He sighs. “At one point in time I was sort of trapped on the couch, and he was on top of me trying to take off my belt. Another time he literally ripped my shirt off, even though I said no. But honestly Jordan, I’m okay. Nothing happened. He didn’t hurt me.”

Control yourself Jordan. I can feel my blood starting to boil. “Noah, I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve that. Honestly, I want to punch the fucking teeth out of his mouth.”

“It's fine. He lost in the end. It doesn't matter.”

“But he could have …” I start to say.

“But he didn't. For my sake, Jordan, let it go. You promised.”

I sigh. “For you, I'll let this go. But again, I'm sorry, Noah.”

“You didn't know.”

“I should have. I should have told you he’s a douche.”

“The reason I decided to tell you is because … as you can imagine I have some trust issues now. And, being in a relationship with you means … it means ... you know … at some point in time … being intimate. And as much as I’d love to …. I’m just … I’m not ready … and I don’t know when I will be. I know that’s not fair to you … and I’m sorry … but I don’t want to lie to you. If that’s a problem and you want to leave … I'll understand.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Noah. And you have no reason to apologize. I understand. I promise we won't do anything until you're absolutely ready. I don't want you to feel any pressure from me at all. If we're going too fast then tell me. I'll wait as long as it takes. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Now, maybe don't wait too long though,” I say breaking into a smile. “Because if you keep cooking like this, I can't guarantee I'll keep looking like this,” I say placing a hand on my flat stomach.

“How do you know you'll even like it?” He is serious again.

“Like what?”

“Being with me in that way. You've never been with a guy before, I assume.”

It's true. I've thought about that. What it would be like to suck Noah's dick, to maybe enter him one day. Him enter me. Those thoughts always make me hard. Of course, I'm not going to tell him that so directly.

“I haven't, no. At first, I thought it might be weird, but honestly ever since I started having those dreams I've been intrigued by the thought. And so, I've been doing some research ...”

Noah frowns. “What kind of research?”

“Oh, I gave everyone on the volleyball team a blowjob.” Noah's eyes go wide. His mouth drops. “Kidding! Kidding! Bad time for a joke. Obviously, I only gave the good-looking guys on the team a blowjob.” He doesn’t laugh. “Come on, that was sort of funny. You can smile!”

He just shakes his head. But I can tell he is suppressing a smile.

“I should say I did some online research,” I continue. “I was curious … so I decided to watch some gay porn, not for entertainment of course, but for research.” I can't help but smile. I feel like the kid who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“Interesting. And what was your scientific conclusion?” Noah asks.

“My purely scientific conclusion was that I was ... aroused.” I'm getting hard just thinking about some of those videos! “But in all seriousness, I don't know how our first time will be, but I'm excited to cross that bridge together, whenever you're ready. No pressure.”

“That sounds good.”

Now I have to change the topic before he sees my boner.

“Fair warning though, I’ll need to find another way to release some energy. As you can tell I have a lot inside of me! So that means the two of us are going on regular runs, and to the gym.”

He starts to laugh. “Oh, you’re crazy if you think that’s going to happen. That was a one-time run.”

“Oh, we’ll see, buddy, we’ll see.”

*** NOAH ***

There is something enchanting about his smile. The way his lips curl, his blue eyes shine. The way he looks at me, it warms my soul. I know it’s only been a few days we’ve been dating, but Jordan is my drug and I am addicted. Oh, how I want to taste those lips again.

The first few days of our relationship have been a bit of a whirlwind; I feel like I’m on a high. Both of us have midterms and other obligations, so finding time to be together hasn’t always been easy. We text constantly. I can tell Jordan is excited, and eager to show me just how much he’s committed to us. I’ll admit I’m eager too. Everything is exciting and new when you just start dating; you can’t get enough of one another.

The day after our first date we had English class together. That was hard, and I’m not just talking about down there. Jordan sat so close to me, his arm brushing past mine. And the way he kept smiling at me! Honestly, I’m sure everyone in class, probably the English building, figured out that we’re together! I know I want to take things slow, but in that moment, all I wanted to do was kiss him. I managed to refrain myself, and I’m not sure how, but we made it through the lecture. Jordan wanted to hang out that night, but both of us had plans. He did invite me to go out with his volleyball friends (Sebastian isn’t part of their group) but I declined. I told him we need to also maintain our own social circles.

He was also quite disheartened when he realized we wouldn’t see each other over the weekend. Saturday, Jordan had work in the morning, and volleyball practice in the afternoon. I had plans with Jenn at night. We were both invited to a party. I would have invited him too, but you know, Jenn. He told me later, as I was getting ready and he was walking home from practice, how difficult it was to be around Sebastian. All he wanted to do was punch him right in the face. He didn’t, which is good. But I could tell Jordan is still very angry.

Jordan suggested we meet today, Sunday. But I told him to stay away. We both need to study. He has exams on Monday, Tuesday and Friday, and I don’t want to be a distraction. Okay, fine, I don’t need him to be a distraction. I have a lot of work to do as well. I also have three tests this week. He wasn’t thrilled. We agreed to meet for lunch on Monday instead.

But he can’t wait. Around noon on Sunday I get a call. He needs a break, and says he has the perfect idea. He suggests we go for a run. I start to laugh. Turns out, he isn’t joking. I tell him I’m tired, I forgot how to run, aliens ate my shoes. But he won’t listen to my rather far-fetched, yet reasonable and totally believable, excuses. Rather, he says he will make it worth my while. When I press him, he mentions how the previous Sunday he promised to be on his best behaviour, that he wouldn’t try to woo me. It was a ‘woo-less’ run, as he calls it. But this run, he says, this one will be different. He will pull out all the stops to woo me. Naturally, I’m curious. What on Earth is he planning on doing? So, he wins. And we agree to meet for a run.

So, what does Jordan do to ‘woo’ me? He is a goofball, as always. He runs as if he has never run before in his life, taking wide and erratic strides. At one point in time he starts hopping like a kangaroo around the track. He looks like a fool, but he’s my fool. Several people gawk at him but it doesn’t faze him at all. It’s as if we are the only two people in the world. Now, I have to make it fun for myself. I bet him he can’t complete a lap while hopping. He, of course, has to accept my challenge. To give him credit, he does manage to hop the entire way. But he’s absolutely exhausted after that. My planned worked! When you’re dating the Energizer Bunny you find ways to tire him out.

He isn’t done though, with trying to woo me. He decides to give me (and the other runners) another peak of what’s underneath his shirt. But this time he drops all pretenses of being subtle. He full out changes his shirt right in front of me, out in the open. And he takes his time. One, damn! I’m immensely jealous, but also proud. And two, just damn. I so badly want to touch his skin. But again, I refrain. Soon enough I’ll be able to. While I can tell Jordan is having a lot of fun, I can also tell he’s miserable. It’s cold outside! About 10 or so degrees. His nipples are hard for a reason. Also, that chest … Control yourself, Noah.

“Sorry,” he says as he puts on a sweatshirt. “I was just a bit hot and sweaty. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. The guy over there,” I say pointing at a runner who is minding his own business, “really liked the view.”

“Is he the only one who liked the view?” Jordan asks innocently.

“There really wasn’t much to see,” I say with a shrug.

“Oh really?”

“You’re a bit of a show-off, aren’t you?”

“I was just changing my shirt.”

“Okay, well if you’re done stripping for everyone, I think I’m going to take off. I have a lot of work to do. But this was good. I’m getting better at running!”

“I told you all you need it practice,” he says. “But as for taking off … I thought maybe we could get a bite to eat first.”

“I’d love to, Jordan. I’m actually kind of hungry. But I need to get back.”

“Good thing some of us came prepared.” He then pulls out two sandwiches from his bag. He tells me he picked them up along the way from a French deli. And for dessert, a box of chocolates.

“This is amazing. Thank you so much, Jordan.” I’m totally surprised!

“What can I say, I’m a romantic at heart. As they say, go big or go home.”

“True. But you’re setting the bar pretty high early on. I’m going to expect big gestures on all of our dates from now on.”

“Gladly. Anything for another date with you, babe.”

I stop eating and look up at him with a rather annoyed expression. “Babe?”

“Um, yeah. No?” he asks nervously.

“Never.” I’m no one’s babe. That’s just weird.

“Noted. Now, is it just that word or all terms of endearment?”

Hmm, I stop to think. “Probably most.”

“So, just to be clear, you don’t want me to call you honey bunny?” he really tries hard not to smile.

“Only if you want to die.”

“I’ll figure out something, don’t you worry, gorgeous.”

“I’ll let that one slide, but just for today, pumpkin.”

In that moment, as we sit outside eating chocolates on this cool October day, I’m totally wooed. Of course, I don’t tell him that!

——— 

The rest of the week just goes by in a blur. Monday, Jordan has an exam. We both have one on Tuesday. Between studying, tests, and everything else, we barely get time to meet. We did video chat that night. Just talking to him was making me hard. After he hung up, I blew a huge load.

Wednesday we were back together in English class. Again, like last time, he sat close to me, letting his leg rub up against mine. His arm innocently (or not so innocently) brushing up against mine. We’ve sat together in class a dozen or more times. Yet, the thought never crossed my mind what other people might think. To them, we are just two friends who happen to be sitting next to one another. That is still true now. If they only knew what was going on underneath the table. I desperately wanted to spend time with him after class, but I couldn’t. He had a lab to work on. I had to study for an exam. I hate school. It gets in the way of fun!

I had my final midterm on Thursday. Jordan wrote his last one this morning. Both of us are finally free! I can see the relief on his face when we meet up in English class on Friday. We only need to get through this class and then we’ll be together, finally. We don’t have anything really planned. Neither of us had time to think! We figured maybe we could go to a movie. Maybe grab a bite to eat, or a drink. It really doesn’t matter. All I want to do is spend time with him.

Both of us jump out of our seats when class ends. We’re both eager to get away from here and relax. It’s been a hellish week. We both deserve a good weekend!

“So, I was thinking,” Jordan says to me as we walk out of class, “maybe we can try out that new Thai place by the student centre. Caleb said it was really good, and he’s a food snob, so it’s probably good!"

“I could go for Thai food. Sounds good.”

As we make plans for that night neither of us realizes we’re not alone. Jenn is standing right in front of us.

“Hi, Noah.”

It's only when I hear her voice that I realize she is here. Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Hey, Jenn!” I say, my voice uneasy.

“Hi, Jenn,” Jordan says rather quietly.

Jenn just shoots him a nasty look, grabs me by the arm and walks off. I guess she’s still angry. And here I was hoping to spend some time with Jordan tonight. I guess not.

“What are you doing here? Where are we going?” I ask her as she practically drags me away.

“We have plans, remember?”

“Um, no.”

“Yeah. I told you the other day.”

“No, you didn't.” I’m pretty sure she didn’t. If she had, I would have made an excuse. I was keeping Friday night clear so that I could spend time with Jordan.

“What are you doing still talking to him?” Jenn asks clearly referring to Jordan.

“We just had English class together, and we started walking —”

“So? I thought you didn't talk to him anymore?”

“Well I ... it was …” The night they broke up she insisted I stay away from Jordan too. For my own good, she assured me.

“He’s is a user. No point even bothering with him. I hate fake people.”

“Jenn …” What can I even say to her? There's no point in even trying to defend myself or Jordan. I guess I won’t be spending tonight with him after all. This really sucks.


*** JORDAN ***

How do I describe the past week? A new relationship is always exciting. You’re both eager to get to know one another, spend time with one another. Though, you’re always calculating in your head, how much is too much? Should I call? Do I text? Is that too much texting? Did I not text enough? Does he now think I’m avoiding him? Yes, I’ve had those thoughts in the past few days. But I’ve ignored them. I usually ignore them. I know I’m excited, I know I’m coming on strong, but I don’t care. I want to spend time with Noah. I want him to know I’m excited. I have fun when we’re together. And I think he has fun too.

I didn't think it would be all that different dating a guy as opposed to a girl. But it is. When I was with Kate, I found I had to try harder, I had to be more sensitive. She was insecure, and that made me feel insecure at times. But being with Noah is easier in many ways. I feel like I don't have to try as hard, that I can just be my crazy self. I’m into big gestures. I love being romantic. It’s just who I am. And with Noah it’s effortless. And I know that whatever I'm feeling I can talk to Noah and he'll understand. We are a team.

Even now, wrapped up under a blanket, his head resting against my shoulder, I feel at peace. I don't think I've ever felt this calm a week into a new relationship. After our Friday scare with Jenn, we decided it’s best to stay indoors tonight. Besides, both of us are exhausted. So, we're curled up on my bed in my freakishly small door room watching a movie.

“I still can't believe you've never seen 'Lord of the Rings'. Have you been living under a rock?” he asks.

“It's been on my watch list for a while now. I always thought I would read the books first, but I just never could get past the first few pages.”

“The books are dense. The movies are great though.”

“Well, if we're going to invest, what nine hours of our time, they better be good.”

He looks up at me. “Is there somewhere else you'd rather be on a Saturday night then curled up with your boyfriend in bed?”

I smile. “A couple of places, the circus perhaps.”

“You'd fit right in with all those clowns. Okay, shh, movie is starting.”

Noah should know better, I can't ever be quiet. I just have to talk! Throughout the film, as my hands roam over his body, I pester him with questions.

“So, who is that guy? Is Gandolf really evil? Why are the hobbits so small? Does Frodo lose the ring?”

“Dude, just shut up and watch the movie!” he says smacking my arm.

I stop for a total of five seconds. Okay, more like four.

“Why does the Elf speak so awkwardly?”

“I don't know. But anyone with such cool pointy ears is allowed to speak funny.”

“Ah, you know what, I think I know why you like this movie now.”

“Why?”

“You’re in love with the Elf. You think he's hot!”

I can't see his face but I know he is blushing. “The movie is awesome on its own. But some eye candy never hurt. Orlando Bloom is a good-looking dude, but I'm not in love with the Elf!"

“I'm not so sure about that,” I tease him.

“So, what do you think?”

“About?” I ask.

“Orlando Bloom. Think he's hot?”

I've never really rated the hotness of other men in front of, well anyone, before. It feels weird.

“This feels like a trap,” I respond.

“It’s just a question,” he says pausing the movie.

“I don’t know. I could never tell Kate I found another girl hot. She would not be happy.”

“Well, I’m not as insecure. So, what will it be? Yea or nay on the Elf?”

“I suppose so. He's okay. So, what are we going to start checking out guys now together? Will we be that couple?”

“You started it. I'm just curious about your taste!”

“I don't know. I've never really thought about if a guy is hot or not until recently, I suppose.”

“Alright, no judgment here, but name five celebrities you think are hot.”

“Shh, Noah, the movie is getting really interesting," I say hitting the play button. I want to avoid this conversation.

He pauses the film again. “It can wait. I'm not going to let you go so easily. Fine, three names, mister.”

“I have to think. You go first.”

“Okay. In no particular order: Matt Bomer, Chris Hemsworth, Jamie Dornan, Idris Elba, oh and Eddie Redmayne, to name a few.”

“Wow, you didn’t waste any time! You had that list ready to go. Interesting taste,” I say. “Alright now I really want to see what happens next in the movie.”

“Nice try. Okay, give me at least one name now and then you can think about the rest later.”

“I'm not really into Hollywood actors. And even if I was, I'm not telling you.”

“Oh, don't be a chicken.”

“Fine.” Ah, why can't I think of a name? It's like I've forgotten every male actor in the world.

My phone starts ringing. Saved by the bell. I look at the phone: John.

“I should get this,” I say to Noah. “Hey John. What's up? What? Why would I be ready? We're not going out …" Shit! And then I remember. I told John I would go out with him and Caleb tonight. Crap. We made plans like two weeks ago. “Ah, I forgot. Honestly man, I'm kind of tired. I went to the gym today, and to work. I think I'm just going to stay in tonight and watch something on Netflix. No, no. You guys should go out. Don't let me ruin your fun.” He suggested coming over! “Honestly, I'm okay. Dude, I'm not depressed.” He thinks I've been off ever since I broke up with Jenn. “Have fun. I'll join you guys next week, okay? Cool. Bye.”

“What did John say?” Noah asks when I put down my phone.

“He wanted me to come out with them. He thinks I'm depressed and need to get out of the house. He said he would come over, but I didn't think that was a good idea.”

“Why?” Noah tries to ask casually. “He can watch with us.”

“Really? And you don't think he'll find it a bit odd I'm wrapped up in bed with another guy?”

“You're telling me you don't watch movies like this with your other guy friends?” Noah asks.

“Only the special ones,” I say.

“But seriously, if you want to go out with your friends you can. You should. I don't need to take up all of your time.”

“I barely saw you this week!” I say wrapping my arms around him. “I want to spend time with you. I like being here with you.”

“I like it too.”

“So, back to the movie then!”

“Nice try. You still owe me a name.”

Dammit I was hoping he forgot about that. “I don't know it’s just kind of weird discussing if a guy is hot,” I say.

“Dude, you get aroused watching men have sex. You’re in bed with a guy. And you know soon we're going to be making out like horny teenagers. You're gay. Get over it. Names. Now.”

“Wow, way to be blunt. Okay, fine. Ryan Gosling. Oh, and Ryan Reynolds. Hey, that's two!”

“Nice choices. I agree with both. Alright, now back to the movie!” Noah says.

“Hold on, I thought I heard a part about making out like horny teenagers? How about we skip this never-ending movie and get to the good part,” I say holding onto his warm body.

“As much as I would love to, it's getting late already. By the time we finish the movie it will be past midnight, and then I'll have to trek back home.”

“Here's a radical thought ... you could spend the night …”