Aria Graice - 20. Chapter 20

Left alone in the kitchen with Amara, Drew felt suddenly awkward. Something had subtly changed and until he’d had time to process it and work out what to dom the last thing he wanted was to spend time alone with Amara.

“Why did you pretend to be Aria,” he asked, then kicked himself. That was a fault with him. Nerves in the battlefield he could handle. In fact, he welcomed the adrenaline to give him an edge. Nerves in his personal life, however, tended to destroy his filters and he had a tendency to babble and say the first thing that popped into his head.

“I didn’t,” Amara said, bowing his head. His good spirits seemed to vanish instantly, leaving Drew feeling bad. Amara had had precious little to smile about lately and to be the one who wiped that smile off his face was painful in a way Drew would never have expected..

“You knew I thought you were. You let me call you Aria.”

“I didn’t say I was him.”

“You didn’t say you weren’t.”

Amara sighed and perched on the edge of the table, cradling his coffee cup. For some strange reason, he seemed older, more poised, less flighty.

“You’re different with him,” he murmured. “Softer. You like him.”

“I’m not different with him,” Drew countered although he realized the lie in the words as he spoke them. “And I like you too.”

Amara huffed. “Yeah, I suppose, but you…” He sighed and finally raised his head. “I know it’s my fault. I’m not sweet and innocent like Aria. I flirt and say inappropriate things and, well… It’s always all about sex. Always, even with my friends. Not that I have sex with them.” He sighed. “Not all of them. But it’s kind of… It’s who I am and it’s all they talk about with me. No one’s like that with Aria. Even before.”

“Trust me, Amara, that’s how most teenage boys are. At least where I come from. In the army, too. Come to think of it, it doesn’t get much better when they’re out of their teens. It’s always either about who they’ve slept with or who they want to sleep with.”

“They?”

“Sorry?”

“You said it’s about who they’ve slept with or who they want to sleep with. What about you? Is that what it was about with you?”

“Well… It was different for me. The army’s not a good place to be out, even now. No one knew. I didn’t want to join in with their talk about women, and I could hardly talk about men, so I kept myself to myself.”

Amara frowned and shook his head. “What’s that like? Not being out? Not being able to be yourself? We never had that. A lot of things have been hard for us, but not that. It must be awful.”

“Awful? Maybe for some. I don’t know. I wouldn’t say it was awful for me. I know some people are terrified of coming out, of being caught. It’s not always safe, but I didn’t have that. I was lucky. I’ve always been strong. I was in the rugby team at school, and my friends were big. We went everywhere together, and my best friends knew, so if I’d had any hassle it would have been dealt with. It just wasn’t…”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair and glanced around the kitchen. “Where I come from is nothing like this. The people I mixed with are nothing like you and your friends. I wasn’t a bully, but I didn’t have a problem putting my fists up when I needed to. But there were others who weren’t so lucky. I’m ashamed to say that I saw what was going on and did nothing to help. Looking back, I’m not proud of myself for that. For me, it was easy, but for them… Yeah, I suppose for them the choice to hide or to be open about who they were, and risk being bullied was difficult. I guess for them it was awful.”

Amara nodded, a thoughtful expression on his face. “I guess that’s how people end up at Haven House. I should have paid more attention. Aria knows. He knows everyone by name and what their stories are. I’ve never been bothered with that. It’s something I do because Father says I have to. For Aria, it’s different. He goes because he wants to.”

“Maybe you should try again. Talk to people this time.”

Amara nodded slowly. “Maybe I should.” He raised his head and smiled. “But not today. Shall we make popcorn?” He grinned impishly. “Maybe we should let Jeff watch one Western. Aria and I have naughty cowboy outfits upstairs. We wore them for a Halloween party once. They’re supposed to be ghost cowboys. They’re white and they…er…have parts missing.” He grinned again. “We’d wear proper underwear this time.”

“The mind boggles,” Drew said, shivering. He turned to the counters, hoping to hide the effect that image had on him. “Now, where do you keep the popcorn?”

“I know. Let’s ask Emma to make us lots of fancy snacks for later. She loves doing that kind of thing. She makes chocolates at Christmas. They’re to die for. We used to nag her to make them at other times, but we gave up because she won’t. We tried to make them ourselves once, but it didn’t end well.”

Amara moved next to Drew and reached to the cupboard overhead. He had to stretch for the top shelf and the t-shirt rode up a little, showing a strip of creamy white skin. Over the time he’d been with the boys, Drew had seen more skin than that, much more, but somehow this unexpected peep, combined with Amara’s closeness and the smell of lemon and honey that could be anything from face cream to shampoo, did crazy things to Drew’s body that no amount of mental scolding could drive away.

“Shall I do that while you make popcorn?”

“No, I’ll do it,” Amara said stretching further and making Drew’s brain stall. The worst thing was that he was certain this was all entirely innocent. Somewhere along the line the flirty, dirty Amara had blended into a slightly worldlier version of his brother and it was that innocent vulnerability that battered through Drew’s defences more than the previous tough, slutty tease ever could have. What the hell was going on?

“I’ll pick up Aria and we can get Emma to do all our favourites. There are popcorn flavouring things in the cupboard but they’re at the back and I can’t reach.” He yawned, rubbed his eyes then padded away, his easy grace sending shivers through Drew in a way his exaggerated swagger could ever have achieved – at least with Drew.

Ah shit, I’m in a heap of trouble.

Drew went through the motions of making popcorn, but he couldn’t get Amara out of his head. Thank God the gig would only be for another week at most. Then Amara would be off on tour and even if Drew was still around for Aria he’d be much better able to control himself because he didn’t see Aria in the same way. Then an image popped up of Aria with his cat ears, snuggling close, making sleepy sounds and cuddling his arm in that way they both had…. Shit and double shit.

Drew never would have thought he’d have enjoyed the day so much. They watched videos, ate the amazing snacks Emma provided at regular intervals, and played games. Jeff and Amara had become friendly, if animated, rivals at chess, while Drew and Aria preferred card games. Playing cards felt safe and familiar to Drew, as he’d used them to while away many boring hours in the army, alone and with his mates. He managed to find his stability, which in turn allowed him to relax. Even when they entered into a game of charades which saw the re-introduction of the sexy, uninhibited Amara, Drew managed to keep perspective and laughed along with everyone else.

It was the evening that saw things come unstuck. After a first-class meal cooked by Emma, they settled down to watch more films. After having allowed Jeff one Western – during which the cowboy suits made an appearance, although thankfully not on the boys – they’d overruled him on the horror film and had taken advantage by selecting two. The first was Zombieland, a classic that Drew happened to love, which had them laughing and yelling at the screen. Even Jeff got in the swing, and although he complained, he clearly enjoyed himself.

By the time the film was over, the boys were visibly tiring. Drew suggested they break for the night, but Amara was adamant he wanted to watch something else and Aria piped in that he really wanted to watch Slender Man, a film that had started as a YouTube meme.

The film turned out to be creepy as hell. The boys started out hugging each other, but soon progressed to hugging Drew.

Drew gazed helplessly at Jeff as Aria all but climbed on his lap, hiding his face in Drew’s chest. Jeff laughed and shrugged, mouthing You asked for it. Amara didn’t quite follow his brother, but he drew up his knees, hugging Drew’s arm and trying to hide behind it. If it had happened the day before it might have been okay but after the events of that morning in the kitchen, Drew found Amara’s touch almost unbearable. He tried to concentrate on the movie, but by the end, simply keeping his hands to himself when they itched to stroke soft hair and tense backs, took all his control. He failed to entirely control other parts of him but managed to keep it well hidden.

When the film ended, the boys refused to go to bed and demanded another comedy to settle them before sleep.

“I’ll have nightmares,” Aria declared, “and Amara will cry even more.”

“I don’t cry,” Amara mumbled.

“Yes, you do. You—”

“Alright, whatever. Can we change the subject? We’ll watch one more. Drew, you and Jeff can go to bed if you want. We’ll scream if the Boogie Man comes for us.”

Oh boy was that tempting, but Drew caught the expression behind Amara’s words. The boy was genuinely stressed out and needed steadying before he had any chance of sleep. Drew couldn’t walk away. He got up to make coffee and prayed Jeff would stay around so maybe Drew could maybe swap places with him and the boys wouldn’t snuggle him when they inevitably fell asleep. Unfortunately, Jeff met him in the kitchen, yawning.

“Don’t make one for me. I’m off to bed. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”

“I know.” Drew yawned too. “I wish I could go too.”

“Then why don’t you?”

“Don’t tell me you can’t see it.”

Jeff frowned. “Oh, I can see it. I also see that you’re getting too close. They’re starting to rely on you far too much. What are they going to do when you leave?”

Drew sighed. Jeff was right, and he knew it. He should back off, adopt a professional stance. When all was said and done he wasn’t a friend to the boys because he couldn’t be there for them once the job ended. Yet he simply couldn’t bear to think about the wounded expressions and hurt incomprehension if he backed off.

“I know. You’re right. It’s going to hurt, but they need someone so badly right now. After the party, Amara will be off on tour and Aria….”

“Aria will be left alone. Amara will leave, and you’ll leave too. How much worse will it be then?”

Drew sighed and rubbed his eyes. “I know,” he said miserably. Jeff laid a hand on his shoulder.

“I understand. We all have times when we’re given a charge that is just that bit different, that gets under your skin. It’s never easy to walk away, but I promise it’s easier if you haven’t got in too far in the first place.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Jeff laughed. “You always were a stubborn son-of-a-bitch so I don’t know why I’m bothering. You didn’t need to be told any of that, you already know, but you won’t take a blind bit of notice either.” He sobered. “Just be careful. It never ends well if you get too involved.”

Something about the way he said too involved sparked a reaction in Drew. “What do you mean by that?”

“Don’t encourage them, Drew. You know what I mean. I’m not blind. I see the way Amara looks at you and I see how it affects you. If it were anyone else I’d be on the phone to the boss to recall you, but I have faith you can be professional about this. I’m warning you though, if you cross a line I’ll have you yanked so fast you won’t catch breath for a week.”

“But…”

“Don’t say anything. Just think about it. The twins are vulnerable. You’re the only one they have to turn to, and they are turning to you. I have no idea about Aria, but Amara’s confused and maybe you should help clarify things before either of you gets too deep.”

“I don’t know what you think’s going on, but…”

“Nothing, that’s what I think’s going on right now, but I can also see a slippery slope and I’d hate you to slide down it. Coffee’s ready,” he said, nodding to the pot, then strode out, whistling.

Drew stood, leaning on the counter, taking deep breaths. He felt like he was at the bottom of the sea and the water had just closed over his head. What the hell was going on? He did not develop feelings for his charges; not ever. He was not developing feelings for the Graice twins – either of them. Oh hell, there’s another shocker. Am I seeing them as a unit now? Two for the price of one? He almost laughed aloud. Ridiculous. The boys were so badly damaged emotionally they were latching on to the first person who gave a damn and if he took advantage of that he’d be worse than scum. It would be a bad idea from his point of view, too. He wasn’t into short term hook-ups and that’s all Amara had ever known. And what about Aria? Where would he fit in? Neither of them was boyfriend material. At this point neither were capable of it. Even without all that they were barely eighteen and he was twenty-four. Hardly ancient but both boys were innocents, no matter what Amara might think, and he sure as hell wasn’t. Nope, this was not happening. Not now; not ever. No.

“What’s wrong?”

Amara’s soft voice almost shocked him out of his skin. He spun around and Amara recoiled. “I’m sorry,” he said, holding up his hands. “You startled me. It’s an automatic reaction.”

Amara smiled a thin smile. “If you’d had a gun would you have shot me?”

“It would have come close.”

Shock turned to amusement when Amara realized he was teasing, although a certain wariness remained. Perhaps he realized the teasing wasn’t entirely off the mark.

“Are you almost done in here? We want to start the film.”

“Go ahead. All I have to do is pour the coffee and I’ll be there.”

Amara padded across the floor. “Aria wants hot chocolate. I’ll do it. I know how he likes it. You go sit with Aria. I’ll do the coffee too.”

“Are you sure?”

Amara narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you think I’m up to it? Or maybe you think I’m…what…too good to make coffee? I thought you knew me better than that now.”

Drew smiled and shook his head. “And I thought you knew me better. That’s not what I was thinking at all. I was thinking you look tired and might want to be snuggling on the sofa, not making hot drinks.”

“Oh. Yeah. I’m tired, but I don’t mind doing the drinks. It will keep me awake long enough to watch the film.”

“Okay. Go ahead. Thanks.”

Amara beamed, a touch of colour highlighting his cheekbones. Shit.

Of course, neither of the boys made it through the film. Before it was half-way done they were curled up like kittens, tangled in each other and fast asleep. Drew waited until he was sure they were completely out, then carried them, one by one, to Aria’s room, where he tucked them in and resisted the temptation to stand and watch them sleep. Even so, when he’d showered and slipped between the sheets, all he could think about was the way Amara had snuggled sleepily into his arms as he carried him and had given an unhappy little mewl when Drew had deposited him on the bed, before he’d found his brother’s arms and settled down again.

The morning of the twins’ birthday dawned bright and clear. Drew lay in bed and gazed out of the window at the sky, wondering if it was the exact shade of Aria’s eyes or a little darker. He was startled into guilty awareness by hammering on the door. He shot out of bed, instantly alert, then almost collapsed again, as an excited voice switched off the adrenaline so fast he felt light headed.

“Drew, it’s the day. It’s out birthday. Come on. We want to open presents all together. Jeff’s being grumpy so Amara’s getting water to pour on him. Don’t make me do the same to you.”

“Give me a minute. I’ll meet you downstairs.”

“Don’t be long.”

Smiling to himself, Drew took care of morning business, then threw on a pair of old jeans and a well-worn t-shirt, and headed downstairs.

The sight that awaited him completely blew him away.

At some point in the night, someone, or rather a team of someones, must have sneaked into the living room and exploded in a burst of glitter and streamers. Drew was very glad he wasn’t the one who’d have to clean up afterwards.

Sparkly banners hung on the walls and balloons were tied to just about everything they could be. A large, trestle table stretched down the middle of the living space, burdened down by parcels wrapped in colourful, bright paper, metallic ribbon and bows. Through it all were scattered glitter confetti and streamers. The air smelled slightly of ozone and empty party poppers lay around. They were not, of course, the “twenty-for-a-pound” variety he’d had at home, that shot thin strips of paper whose colour leaked over everything if they got wet. These were silver and gold and shot metallic curls. The smell was the same, though.

“Jesus,” Jeff said, coming up behind him, “did someone gut a unicorn?”

“Eew, Jeff, that’s gross,” Aria said, grinning.

“Just get over here,” Amara commanded, his voice grumpy but his face full of smiles.

Drew exchanged an amused glance with Jeff then wandered over to the table. “How the hell did all this get here?” he asked. “And when?”

“Some of us…” Alicia sniffed and tossed her head. “Some of us were waiting for you go to bed last night and were seriously considering drugging your coffee if you hadn’t gone when you did.” She grinned. “Between us all, it didn’t take long. We were so loud though, I thought for sure we’d have woken Drew.”

Drew frowned. That was true. To have had a group of people set up all of this without him hearing a thing was not good. This was too close for comfort.

“Oh, lighten up,” Alicia said. “We were quiet as mice. Once the men set up the tables me and Emma did the rest and we’d already blown up the balloons and wrapped the presents. It took us about twenty minutes tops.”

“Trust me,” Jeff said, wandering to a smaller table set against the wall between the kitchen and the bar, on which a massive birthday cake sat proudly among a sea of treats. He scooped icing off a cupcake and licked his finger, sighing with satisfaction. “I’ve been to war with this man and he can sleep through a tank invasion.”

Drew spluttered. “I think your mind’s gone, old man. And lay off the cake, you’re getting middle age spread.”

“It’s like watching TV,” Aria said, gazing at Drew and Jeff with his head tilted to one side.

“An old sit com,” Amara agreed.

“They should be married.”

“With kids.”

Drew caught Jeff’s eye and he grinned, arching an eyebrow to confirm his understanding. They each took a cupcake and strolled over to the table. Smiling sweetly Drew glanced at Jeff. “If we’re the parents,” he said, “who are the kids?” They both turned as one to look at Aria and Amara, then smushed the cake into their faces.

The twins jumped back, wiping frosting off their cheeks. Aria started to laugh, while Amara glared at Drew, with his hands on his hips.

“Oh, there they are,” Jeff said.

Even Amara cracked a smile at that. “Where’s my security guard?” he said mildly, accepting a napkin from Alicia who seemed a little shell-shocked. “He should be fired for letting me get assaulted in my own home.”

“You weren’t assaulted,” Aria said through hysterical laughter. “You were a-frosted.”

Amara closed his eyes and shook his head. “Ah, my brother,” he said. “You have so much to learn. So much.”

Fortunately, Drew caught Aria’ glance at the cake table and stepped between him and it. “Maybe more cake later. Don’t you want to open your presents?”

For a moment, Aria scowled, then his face it up. “Of course, I do,” he said, “but there will be cake later.”

The way he said it made it clear what he intended to do with it. “We’ll see.”

The twins dove into unwrapping their gifts with a childlike excitement that warmed Drew’s heart. It had been a long time since he’d been part of something that felt so much like family. Sure, his team had been like a family of brothers, but there was little joy in it. Watching the boys tear paper and examine every item with wonder reminded him of Christmas at home. The gifts hadn’t been anything like this, of course. Any one of the items on the table would probably have paid for an entire Christmas back there—gifts, tree and dinner. It was more the sense of excitement that brought home, yet again, that Aria and Amara were not the spoiled, privileged brats he’d thought they would be. Not one gift was accepted with anything less than grace and pleasure, even the small ones that came from staff, including Drew and Jeff, although Amara did threaten to throw his gift at Jeff—a book Chess for Dummies. Drew’s were better received, although greeted with a sideways glance and scowl from Jeff. He’d not hidden his opinion that they were too personal. They probably were, but Drew didn’t care because it pleased him to think the twins had something they could keep to remind them of him after he’d gone. He realised it was foolish, and that the boys would probably forget all about him in a few weeks, but the thought they might not was enough.

“Drew,” Aria breathed, holding the key chain reverentially in his palm and stroking it with one finger, “it’s beautiful.”

“Just what I needed,” Amara said, spinning his around one finger. “Now, if I forget my name, at least I’ll have the first letter.”

“Don’t be ungrateful,” Aria snapped, still examining the silver filigree letter A set with tiny blue stones. Not gemstones, of course, but pretty nevertheless. Amara’s were purple.

Aria wouldn’t have said that if he’d seen the expression on his brother’s face. Amara was anything but ungrateful. Jeff nudged Drew and he realised he’d been appreciating Amara’s expression for just a shade too long.

Fortunately, both Aria and Amara’s phone chose that moment to start singing.

“Oh, for goodness sake,” Aria said carefully laying the key chain on the table. “It’s been ringing all morning.”

Despite his words, Aria certainly didn’t appear to be annoyed by the call. Both he and Amara skipped to the other side of the room and were soon in what appeared to be an animated four-way conversation.

“Drew,” Jeff stepped to his elbow.

“Don’t,” Drew growled.

“You’re playing a dangerous game.”

Drew rounded on his friend. “I’m not playing a game. I’m just trying to give those boys a taste of what they’ve missed. Maybe, if they see what a real friend can be, they’ll go out and make one.”

“Is that what you want to be? A friend?”

Drew narrowed his eyes. “You know it is.”

“I know you, and what I see is something that is not friendship.”

“What is it then?”

“Dangerous, Drew. That’s what it is. Dangerous for you and dangerous for them.”

“Dangerous how? Nothing’s going to happen, you know that. I might be a sucker for strays but I’m not stupid enough to get involved with someone like them.”

“Someone like them? What would that be, Drew?”

“Vulnerable kids.”

“You’ve got that right. Remember it. And remember that they might be vulnerable, but they know their own minds and are not afraid to act on them. If you cross that line, don’t think it will be easy to cross back. Let them in and you won’t get them out without hurting them.”

“You make them sound like vampires.”

Jeff opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by yells from the other side of the room.

“Drew.”

“Jeff.”

“Alicia.”

“Come look. Come look.”

The boys had thrown open the window and were leaning over the balcony. Alarmed, Drew shoot across the room with Jeff at his shoulder. They yanked both boys away from the window.

Aria yelped. “Stop. What are you doing?”

Drew glared at his squirming charge. “Remember that little chat we had about security today.”

Aria stopped struggling and Drew stepped back. Aria chewed on his lip looking like a naughty schoolboy caught stealing from the stationary cupboard. “We were only looking,” he mumbled.

“You were both front-and-center in the window. We don’t know what these people are planning. There could have been a sniper out there who would have had perfect shots.

Aria squirmed. “I’m sorry.”

“A sniper,” Amara sneered. “That’s not very likely, is it? No one’s ever said they were going to shoot us. They want to kidnap us and make us pay hands on. I’ve seen the photos. They wouldn’t deprive themselves of the pleasure of watching us bleed by doing it at a distance.”

“Amara,” Aria cried in anguish.

“Well they do,” Amara said flatly. Then he brightened. “But don’t worry, because they’re not going to get near us. Jeff and Drew will keep us safe, even if they do spoil our fun to do it.”

“We’re not spoiling anyone’s fun,” Jeff said. “You can have as much fun as you want if you do it safely. Surely even you two numbskulls can appreciate that hanging out of a window is not being safe.”

“We weren’t going to fall out or anything,” Amara mumbled mutinously, but he sighed and shrugged. “Alright, alright, I’ll stay away from windows. Can we go downstairs to look at the presents?”

“What presents?”

Drew glanced out of the window. There were people milling about in the street below. Most of them seemed to be teenagers, both girls and boys, and most of them clutched brightly wrapped parcels.

“They’re our fans,” Aria said. “Jay says there are presents on the steps, too. Can we go see them?”

Drew and Jeff exchanged glances. “We’ll have to take a look at them first.”

“I’ll get someone on it,” Alicia said, hurrying down the stairs.

“Go on then,” Jeff said with a tilt of his head. “Get yourselves dressed and we’ll take you out to meet your adoring public.”

Aria grinned and scampered away. Amara lingered just a moment longer, and Drew thought he was going to say something, but he turned and followed his brother in silence.

The day passed in a blur of telephone calls, birthday presents and brightly coloured people. Friends who had not been invited to the birthday party dropped by with gifts and were mostly ushered upstairs to the boys’ rooms. Drew and Jeff helped Alicia go through the presents left on the doorstep and in the street, none of which caused any problems.

“Mamma Bear’s security have closed off the street at both ends. No one suspicious will get this far, but it’s best to be extra safe.”

“I’m surprised they’ve let the boys’ friends through. Some of those are about as suspicious as it gets.”

Alicia laughed. “There are one or two good kids. I think the boys are starting to learn who are friends and who are users. I haven’t heard them talking about the real dicks for a while.”

Drew gasped. “You said dicks. I’m shocked. Jeff, I blame you. You’re a bad influence.”

Jeff grunted, opened his mouth, then closed it again. “I’d best not say anything,” he said. “I’m not used to working with ladies. The wife’s got a dirtier mind than me so she doesn’t count.”

Drew snorted. “Sherri’s ex army too,” he explained for Alicia’s benefit, “but she’d have your head if she heard you cuss in front of the kids.”

Jeff snorted. “Forget the head, she’d go straight for the balls.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much,” Alicia said. “I went to an all-girls boarding school. If you think that all we talked about was weddings and babies you’d better think again.”

“Oh God, the pictures in my head,” Jeff groaned and frisked a blue teddy-bear dressed in what looked like on of Amara’s trademark outfits. “This one’s clean.” He set it on a table along with an assortment of cuddly creatures and colourful gifts.

Alicia chuckled. “We’d better get this lot upstairs.”

“It’s never ending,” Drew groaned.

“You should be here at Christmas.” Alicia grinned, and it was like a knife in Drew’s heart, because he knew he wouldn’t be.