Aria Graice - 52. Chapter 52

“Their name’s, Jay,” Drew whispered as he passed Rhidian.

“What?”

“Just remember they’re a they and not a he.”

“Oh. Yes. Grandma said. I didn’t think…”

“No, I bet you didn’t.”

“Hang on, Uncle Drew.” Drew paused. “Is he? I mean are they…um…” Rhidian blushed, his freckles slowly disappearing as the colour infused his fair skin.

“They don’t have a boyfriend, if that’s what you’re wondering,” he said, smiling. Then his smile faded. “I’m not trying to warn you off, but they’re—I have absolutely no right to say this at all given my own situation—but they can be a bit of a handful and they’re… Let’s just say they’ve had a hard time.”

“I’m not going to play them, Uncle Drew. I thought you knew me better than that.”

“That’s not what I mean. You’ll see. Just don’t bite of more than you can chew.”

“What like you did you mean?” Rhidian snorted and Drew playfully cuffed him.

“Get in there or someone will come after us then I’ll have to tell them I was giving you dating advice because you’ve got the hots for Jay.”

Rhidian’s blush deepened, if that were possible. “Don’t you dare. You weren’t. I’m not—”

Rhidian broke off when Jay appeared in the doorway. They grinned. “Ceriann wants to know what the hell are you doing out here and you’d better not be putting Rhidian up to anything.”

“What would I be putting him up to?”

Jay shrugged. “Don’t ask me. I don’t even know what that means.”

Drew didn’t miss the long glance they gave to Rhidian before they disappeared again.

Rhidian sighed. “Do you think they’re out of my league?”

“Only one way to find out.” Drew smiled to himself as he entered the extremely crowded living room. It seemed as though everyone in the room was speaking at the same time, but Drew was used to that. Aria and Amara appeared to be missing, along with his mother and he assumed they were in the kitchen. Jay was deep in discussion with Ceriann, but Drew noticed they were shooting glances at the door. Sioned seemed to be telling off Lowri while her wife, Lisa looked on with an amused expression on her face and a glass of something golden and bubbly in her hand.

“Uncle Drew,” Lowri called as soon as she saw him. “Tell Mam I’m old enough to go to the club. All my friends are going and it’s not fair. It’s not as if we’ll be alone. You lot will be there. God.” She glared at her mother. “I’ll be seventeen in three months and you treat me like a baby.”

“What do you think, Mamma Lisa?” Drew asked, amused.

“I think everyone wants to keep their babies as babies for as long as possible.”

“What?” Sioned turned on her, green eyes flashing.

Lisa calmly put down her glass and leaned forward to kiss her wife. “You’re a wonderful mother, my darling, but sometimes we just have to let go. You were almost as bad with Iwan and Rhidian, but Lowri’s our baby girl and I understand, but she’s not a baby anymore.”

“Yes. That’s what I’ve been—”

“Hush.” Lisa grabbed her around the waist and pulled her close. “Why don’t you go help Grandma in the kitchen with those two whirlwinds. She probably needs help about now.”

“But—”

“Go.”

Grumbling, Lowri got to her feet and stomped out of the room. “Let her go,” Lisa said. “She’s still our little girl and she still needs us more than she knows, but you’ve got to loosen the ties a bit. We’ll be there to keep an eye on her, and she’ll probably be swept up with the younger generation. There are a lot more of them this year.”

“Drew.” Sioned gazed at him in appeal and he raised his hands.

“Don’t bring me into this.”

“Will you look after her?”

“Not a chance. I know what you’re like and I’m not taking on that responsibility.”

“I’ll look after her,” Jay said, a huge grin on their face. “Me and the twins will teach her how to pole dance and dye her hair purple.” They cracked up at the horrified expression on Sioned’s face. “Just kidding.”

“And you wonder why I don’t want her to go.” Sioned tried to remain serious but given that Jay and Ceriann were engaged in a “who can pull the most outrageous face” competition, and hysterical laughter was coming from the kitchen, she couldn’t keep it up. “Oh, alright, she can go. But I’m not letting her out of my sight and she’s not to go off anywhere with this lot.”

Lisa winked at Drew who chuckled as he moved past them into the kitchen.

It was good to be home. It was good to see his family again, and even better to see how completely they absorbed Aria, Amara and Jay. All three of them had seemed overwhelmed to begin with, although Jay and Amara did their very best to mask it. However, as Christmas Eve wore on, especially when they went to the Christmas party at the local working man’s club, they’d relaxed and melded into one complete family.

The boys had attracted quite a lot of attention from the locals. A few recognised Amara and he was bombarded with questions for a while. Some of the rugby boys who’d helped with the press situation were there and were pretty raucous in their re-telling of the event, prompting another barrage of questions for the twins and Jay and greatly expanding their circle, much to Lowri’s pleasure. Drew was pleased that no one he knew of got star struck and both of the twins were treated just the same as everyone else. They laughed and danced all night and it turned out to be the best Christmas Eve Drew could remember.

Christmas Day did not go off without a hitch, but then it never did. Drew, the twins, Jay, Jake and Alex had taken over a nearby guesthouse that happened to be run by Mrs. Pugh’s son and daughter-in-law, and opened just for them “as long as they saw to themselves”. The day got off to a shaky start when one of the cars broke down and they were told there would be a two hour wait for recovery. By the time it was sorted out, they were late arriving, causing a mad scramble to open presents before dinner. One of Drew’s favourite presents was one of Mair’s to Aria. It was a stuffed sheep with a Christmas bauble around its neck on a string of purple tinsel.

“Look Drew, I told you we’d be hanging decorations on sheep.”

“Trust me, this one’s a lot better than anything we’d find out there today.”

“Yeah,” Lowri piped up, “never mind hanging balls on sheep you’d freeze yours right off in this weather. And if you didn’t the sheep might bite them. They’re evil.”

The dinner itself had its share of disasters when the turkey burned, the sprouts overcooked and Rhidian spilled Prosecco all over the table, including on his plate and Lowri’s. If his face turned any redder, Drew’d thought, they would have been able to cook the Christmas pudding on it. He suspected the reason he’d spilled it in the first place was because he turned to jelly every time Jay spoke to him.

After dinner, they watched old films and played games until they fell asleep, to be woken for more food, some raucous karaoke and games of charades and Pictionary until it was time to leave.

Drew was picking up a box of homemade mince pies, when he noticed movement in the garden and looked out of the window. Jay and Rhidian were sitting on the steps leading down off the decking. They must have been absolutely freezing, especially as they didn’t seem to be moving much. Drew was about to turn away, when Rhidian very slowly moved forward to kiss Jay. Jay jerked back and Drew prepared himself for a rescue. However, after a moment’s confusion, when Rhidian made to stand, Jay pulled him down and kissed him back. That was Drew’s cue to leg it.

When Jay joined them in the car, to a barrage of questions from the twins as to where they had been, they were flushed and flustered, but wore a small, secret smile. When they caught Drew’s eye, Drew winked and Jay flushed even deeper.

On Boxing Day, they had a lie in before heading back to Mair’s for a far simpler lunch and an afternoon of fun and games at the club. By ten p.m. they were exhausted, but Drew was so happy his cheeks hurt from smiling. The twins had had the time of their lives, and it almost brought Drew to tears. He’d rarely seen them so relaxed and animated. They danced, joined in with silly games and even sang karaoke. Although it wasn’t karaoke with them, it was pure performance. It was the first time Drew had heard Aria sing and he was surprised to find that his voice really was as good as Amara’s, although it had a different tone­—sweeter and slightly more hesitant. He was content, though, to take a back seat to his brother, as Amara belted out some good old fashioned rock and roll, with Aria and Jay providing backing. Then Aria sang a ballad that had everyone in tears, and Jay finished with an off key duet with Rhidian that had everyone in stiches. Every single one of them owned the room.

The thing that surprised Drew most of all was that, although it was clear there was something going on between Jay and Rhidian, the twins were almost silent about it, with no teasing. If he ever needed reassurance of their kind and empathetic natures that was it.

The following day was much quieter. Sioned her family had gone home, although Rhidian had driven back before the rest even got to Mair’s. It was only an hour trip, but even so it showed some dedication, Drew thought.

They’d eaten a solid lunch of leftover fry-up and sandwiches, that Aria had proudly helped Mair prepare, and were bloated and sleepy. The twins cuddled up to Drew on the sofa, and Jay was practically sitting in Rhidian’s lap on one chair, while Mair dozed in the other. A generic Christmas film played in the background, but no one was really interested in it.

“This is the best Christmas ever,” Aria announced with a deep sigh of contentment.

“It definitely is,” Jay agreed, winding a lock of Rhidian’s hair around their finger. The expression in Rhidian’s eyes when he gazed at Jay was pure adoration. Drew had a moment’s pang of nerves that his nephew was getting in over his head way too fast, but there was little he could do about it, other than be there for both of them, and he was genuinely delighted that the two had clearly made a deep connection. Things were looking up for Jay.

“I think it’s time,” Amara said in a way too serious tone, as he sat up. He fished something out of his pocket and tapped it on his thigh.

“The letter,” Aria said, also sitting up.

Amara turned to face Aria across Drew and he sensed invisible messages flying back and forth.

“I think Drew should read it,” Aria said.

“And tell us if it’s okay for us to read,”

“Or not.”

“He won’t give it to us if it hurts too much.”

“Or is evil and mean.”

“Or emotionally blackmailing.”

Both boys turned to Drew at the same moment. “Will you?”

Drew would have lied if he’d said he was comfortable with the idea, but he saw the sense in it, not that he felt himself qualified to judge what would or wouldn’t be appropriate.

“Of course.”

Amara handed him the letter and he got up and moved across the room to the fireplace. There was no point him vetting the letter if the twins were looking over his shoulder. As he scanned the words, he grew more and more convinced that giving it to the twins was entirely the wrong thing to do. The letter was self-indulgent, manipulative and downright abusive. He couldn’t imagine how it had been allowed out of the prison in the first place. Without a second hesitation, he threw the letter into the fire and watched it burn.

“There are only two pieces of useful information in the entire letter,” he said as he sat down again. Both boys clung to him. “She’s not going to defend the charges because she doesn’t see any reason why she should lie about what she did. That means you won’t have to go to court to testify against her.”

Aria began to weep softly. Drew had known he was worried about having to face Julianna in court. Both Aria and Amara had dreamed about it, waking in distress, but Aria was by far the worse of the two. No matter how hard Drew had worked to reassure them he couldn’t lie and deny it was a possibility. At least now they could sleep easier knowing they would not have to face her. Drew put his arm around Aria and held him tightly as he cried. Amara sat, stony faced, and stared at the burning paper. Drew rubbed his back.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes and no. I’m glad I won’t have to go to court, and I guess I’m glad I didn’t read what she said but part of me still wishes I’d read the letter. It’s strange, this feeling. Intellectually, I know what happened. I was there. I remember. But part of just can’t accept that my mother would do that. Part of me can’t believe it’s true. My mother couldn’t have tried to kill me. She couldn’t have. She wouldn’t have. I know that doesn’t make sense, but…”

“It makes perfect sense,” Mair said. “The bond between a mother and her children is sacred. The trust a child puts in you is like no other. To break that bond and betray that trust in such a cruel way is unforgiveable and your heart is broken. Your heart doesn’t want to accept, even though your mind gives you all the reasons you should, and it splits you. You just have to wait for your heart to catch up, and it will. You’ll fill it with other things, so much love there’s no room for her anymore.”

Amara listened carefully, his face solemn. When she’d finished, he nodded slowly. “Yes, I think you’re right. I can feel the split. I keep telling myself that I have to wise up, to accept what happened, to…I don’t know…to hate her, but I can’t.”

“You never have to hate her, cariad. You don’t have to hate anyone. Hate is a destructive emotion, and you’re better off without it. You can be angry with her, be unforgiving even, but you don’t have to hate.”

“Would it be wrong if I did forgive her,” Aria asked, sniffing. “I know I shouldn’t, but—”

“Who says you shouldn’t,” Mair cut in. “Forgiving doesn’t mean validating, doesn’t mean you accept or approve of what she did, or that you’re not angry with her or that you ever want to see her again. Forgiveness is a precious gift and no one has a right to take that away. People process things in different ways, and as long as you’re not justifying or internalising what she did then there’s nothing wrong with forgiving her.”

“I’ll never forgive her,” Jay said, their voice cold. “What she did to you was evil, but she hurt me too. She brought my past back and dropped me in the middle of it again. You grandmother made me face it, but Julianna made me live it and I can’t forgive that. But you’re better than me.” They held up their hand when the twins would have objected. “You are. Everyone knows it. I’m not saying I’m worthless, because I know I’m not, but you’re brighter, stronger, kinder. There’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll forgive her, even if you think you won’t right now, and that’s okay. That’s more than okay. It’s you. It would hurt you not to and I don’t want that for you.”

Both Aria and Amara stared at Jay, to the point they turned away and hid their face in Rhidian’s hair. Rhidian looked lost but he cradled Jay as if they were the most precious thing in the world.

“We didn’t think,” Amara said. “We were so caught up with ourselves as usual, we never thought about you, about what you felt, what you went through.”

“You didn’t say.”

“You keep it all inside and hide it.”

“You should have told us.”

“You should have let us see.”

“We thought you hadn’t been hurt, but you were, weren’t you?”

Aria and Amara got up and wrapped Jay in their arms, not caring that Rhidian then essentially had three weeping boys on his lap. Rhidian didn’t seem to mind, although his expression was tense and worried.

They clung to each other for a while, then Jay pushed them away. “I need to breathe,” they said.

“I’m sorry,” Amara began, but Jay waved them away.

“You had enough to cope with without worrying about me. But yes, it did hurt me. I’ve been having nightmares, on and off, ever since, with the people all muddled up. Sometimes it’s your mother who tries to kill me, sometimes it’s him who tries to kill you. It’s all muddled up and I know I need to talk to someone about it but it’s too soon. It hurts too much. I will, I promise, and you mustn’t blame yourself for anything. I don’t want to talk about it, or have you worry over it or… Just let it drop. Please.”

The twins exchanged a glance, then both nodded together. “Alright, but you have to promise to come to us if you do need to talk. That you won’t keep it all inside until you explode like you did before.”

“I didn’t explode. Your grandmother broke me, then Drew poked at all the parts until they threw up—literally—then he put me back together again. Not very well, and it keeps breaking, but it’s holding and I’m going to glue it up properly soon.”

“Has anyone told you that you have a way with words,” Amara asked, returning to his seat. “If so, they’re right, but it’s a bad way.”

“Or a good way with bad words,” Aria offered, also backing up.

“Why don’t we all have a snack,” Mair said, to a chorus of groans and stomach patting. “Alright, some hot chocolate then. Come on Aria, bach, give the old lady a hand.”

Aria immediately brightened. “I’m on my way, Mam.”

Drew did not miss the soft but strangely sad smile on his mother’s lips and he caught her eye just before she disappeared into the kitchen. She winked at him.

“Oh wait,” Drew said, just before Aria disappeared. “There was one other good thing in the letter. Your grandparents…on your mother’s side…have been begging Julianna to let them see you, and she’s sent them your address so they can write to you.”

“What?” Both twins lit up.

“We love them,” Aria said.

“And the farm.”

“But she wouldn’t’ let us see them.”

“She said they’re peasants.”

“And not good enough for us.”

“And they’ll make us coarse and uncouth.”

“And make us common.”

Mair snorted. “She’s a right one to talk about being common, for all her airs and graces.”

“But we can see them now,” Amara said, his face shining with wonder. “When they write to us, we can write back and then we can visit as much as we like.”

“We’ll never stop travelling,” Aria said. “Between France and Wales and London and Greece. We’ll need our own plane. Or helicopter.”

“We can get both,” Amara said, his face glowing. “Alexi will help us find good ones and a place to keep them.”

“I want to go shopping.”

“For a helicopter,” Jay asked laughing.

“And a plane,” Aria corrected. “Don’t forget the plane. I want it to be pink.”

“A pink plane?”

“Only on the inside,” Aria said, shaking his head as if speaking to a silly child. “Who ever heard of a plane that’s pink on the outside?” He flounced into the kitchen leaving everyone laughing.

“Are you going to tell him,” Jay asked Amara, “that there are pink planes? Lots of pink planes.”

“Are you serious? If he knew that was a thing we’d be getting a pink plane and I’d be embarrassed to be seen with it on the runway. Wouldn’t you, Drew?”

“No more embarrassed than I am of Jay’s car.”

“Exactly.” Amara grinned smugly.

“That wasn’t exactly what I meant,” Drew said, chuckling. “I’m not the slightest bit embarrassed by Jay’s car.”

Amara huffed. “Well, you should be.”

“What’s Jay’s car like,” Rhidian asked, it being the first time he’d been able to get a word in.

“She’s called Constance, and she’s amazing.” Jay drew out their phone and drown Rhidian under a barrage of photographs and exposition. He began to look shell shocked.

The toilet in Mair’s house, looked out over the garden. Of course, the window was frosted, but it was open despite the fact that the tiny radiator did little to warm it on a day like today. If someone stood outside, anyone sitting on the toilet would hear what was said as clearly as if they’d been in the same room. That was how Drew found himself privy to a conversation that, truth be told, he’d rather not have overheard, as he was sure it was intended to be private.

“What were you talking about,” Rhidian asked. “When you said it brought up the past. What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I understand, and I know you don’t know me, or anything, but…” There was silence for a moment, before he continued. “I like you, Jay. I mean, you’re way out of my league and you probably think I’m just Valleys trash, which I probably am.”

“I would never think of you like that.” Jay sounded outraged. “Do you think I come from money like the twins? Do you think I haven’t had to work for every single penny I have and that I don’t remember what it was like to have nothing? Trust me, if you knew about my past, you’re not the one you’d be applying that word to.”

Again, there was a pause but a tiny gasp made Drew think it was not an inactive one. When Rhidian spoke again his voice was so intense, so…intimate, Drew would have fled if he could. As it was, he was afraid to move because he didn’t want Jay and Rhidian to know that even this much of their conversation had been overheard.

“I would never…never use that word for you, no matter what your past might have been. You’re the…brightest, most beautiful person I have ever met. You fascinate me. You’ve put a spell on me, and I can’t take my eyes off you. Do you even know how beautiful you are?”

Jay snorted. “Right.”

“Seriously. I mean, the twins are…like…out there. They’re like porcelain dolls. Perfect. You’re not perfect. You’re colourful and brash and sparkly and so “out” it’s unbelievable. You’re… There’re no words to describe what you are. You’re life. You’re energy. You’re…”

“Embarrassed.”

They both laughed.

“You shouldn’t be.”

“It’s not something I’m used to thinking about myself. Being beautiful. The twins are beautiful, I’m just…Jay.”

“You’ll never be just Jay, at least, not to me.”

There was no movement and no sound. Drew wanted to cough but he stifled it and huffed into a wad of toilet paper, terrified that the slightest sound would give him away and break the moment. He sensed that something important was happening and he didn’t want to spoil it.

“You wouldn’t say that if you knew.”

“You keep saying that, but you don’t know me. You don’t know what I’d say or what I’d do. I don’t know where this is going to go. I like you. I like you a lot and I want to see you. I want it more than anything I’ve ever wanted before. It’s a long way between London and Aber, but we can make it work. It’s not as if you’re on the other side of the world. I get a lot of holidays and if things work out maybe I could transfer to London next year.”

“I have no idea where Aber is or how long it would take to get there from London.”

“A few hours, I’d guess. Three or four.”

“I could do four hours.”

“We could borrow the twins’ helicopter, then it would be like twenty minutes.”

“Hardly worth taking off. Do they have a helipad in Aber?”

“Somewhere, I suppose, but it’s easier to just drive.”

“I’d like that. I’d like it a lot. Constance has never been far out of London.”

“It’s by the sea. We have a castle and a lot of history.”

“Sold. When I can I come up?”

“Whenever you want. There’ll always be a place there. I share a house with some idiots, but they’re okay idiots and we’d find you a corner.”

“I don’t take up much room.”

Both of them had become kind of husky and Drew was gritting his teeth.

“So, will you tell me? What happened to you. Will you trust me? Because I don’t want this, whatever it is, to start on secrets. I’m an open book. I don’t have any secrets. Ask Uncle Drew. Until last year I was a geek who hardly ever left my room and lived off computer games and micro meals.”

There was a long, long silence, and Drew managed to finish up and ease up off the toilet. He couldn’t pull up his jeans because when he tried they jangled and he froze.

“I was a whore,” Jay said, almost too quiet for Drew to hear. “I was sold to someone who made me…whore, and I killed one of the…clients who wanted to kill me.”

“Jesus,” Rhidian hissed. “No, don’t run away. I don’t know what you expect me to say to that, but you don’t need to run.” There was some shuffling, then Rhidian said something that made Drew’s heart glow. “I’m not going to say it doesn’t matter, because it does, and I know it will make things difficult for us, but I’ve never run from anything because it was difficult. Anything that’s worth having is worth working for. That’s a saying I was brought up with. I think it came from our great-gran, but Mamgu says it all the time too. That’s…um…Mair. I don’t know you very well, but I know enough to say that I think you’re worth working for and I’m prepared to do that. Are you?”

Drew heard a soft sob and when Jay spoke it was clear they were weeping and their throat was constricted. “Yes.”

The rest of the words were muffled, and Drew took the opportunity to hop away from the toilet. He opened and closed the door loudly, then began to whistle as he hopped back to the toilet and made a show of lifting the seat.

“Shit,” Rhidian said. “Someone’s in the toilet. I forgot about that. Thank God there was no one in there before. Come on. I’ll show you the shed. Mamgu does meditation there and it’s got a heater and everything.”

Drew smiled to himself as he fastened his jeans and washed his hands.

When he got back to the living room, everyone was playing cards, with Aria getting very excited, telling everyone what he had in his hand.

“That’s not the way card games work, Aria,” Amara said with the weariness of someone who had explained the same thing over and over.

“I know, but it’s really good. Look Drew.”

“You’re not supposed to tell everyone it’s good. You hide it until you get a good enough hand to put it down.”

“I know, but I only need one more four and I’ll have won.”

“Yeah, and no one’s going to put a four down now.” Amara rolled his eyes.

“Why?” Aria seemed genuinely hurt at the thought anyone would withhold something they knew he wanted.

“Because if we give you a four, you’ll win the game.”

“And?”

“We want to win.”

“But—”

“You clearly do not get the basic premise of poker, Aria. Admit it and move on. Let’s play snap.”

“Snap is for children. I can play Blackjack. I’m good at that. Dad taught us. We used to gamble for sweets.”

“Well, I’m not big on gambling,” Mair said. “How about we play Trivial Pursuit instead?”

“Ooh, I love that. I know loads of stuff.”

“He does,” Amara agreed. “He always wins.”

“Where are Jay and Rhidian,” Aria asked. “Do they want to play?”

“Let’s put it this way,” Drew said. “They’re somewhere warm and cosy so I’d say they’re playing their own game right about now.”

The twins smiled at each other, then at Drew. “They’re going to be alright, aren’t they? Rhidian will take care of them and won’t hurt them.”

“He’ll have me to answer to if he does,” Mair said fiercely.

“He’s a good kid, so is Jay. I think they’ll be good for each other.” With every word, Drew was more convinced of the truth of it. Jay was going to be alright. The twins were going to be alright. Everything was going to be alright. It would take work, but as his mother always said – if something is worth having, it’s worth working for.