Aria Graice - 26. Chapter 26

Drew? Where are you? I don’t know why you left us, but we need you. Aria needs you. I-I need you too. Please. Please come back. I never told you— Please, don’t leave me. Drew’s heart ached. Amara sounded broken. His words were slurred, his voice rough and tearful and yet…somehow, he seemed less like a child.

Why haven’t you called? Please pick up. Please Drew. Please tell me you’re coming home. Home? Tears sprung to Drew’s eyes. This was torture. His heart yearned, longing for a home that was no place at all, but a person, no two.

Why don’t you want us anymore? What did we do? Whatever it is we’re sorry and we’ll make it up to you, I promise. I’ll do anything. Aria needs you and I… I don’t know what to do. I just don’t know what to do. I need you to tell me what to do.” The call ended with Amara’s sobs and Drew choked on tears he refused to let fall. Amara would be okay. He had his family and friends around him. His father was there now, and he’d take care of them both.

He almost didn’t listen to any more. How could he bear it? But surely it couldn’t get any worse. Surely Amara would get the message, get over it. He’d get angry like his texts and that would make Drew feel better.

Where are you? Why won’t you answer me? Why don’t you care anymore? I thought you cared. You said you were my friend—our friend. Why did you lie? Why did you leave us? Please call us, Drew. Please.

He didn’t sound angry; he sounded lost, confused.

You lied to me and I hate you. You said you were our friend, but you didn’t even say goodbye, and now Aria’s a mess and so am I. I need you, Drew. I need you.”

That was the one that broke him. Amara was hurt and desperate, reaching out to him and he wasn’t there. He couldn’t be there. Impatiently wiping his face on his sleeve, he stood, filled with determination. This changed nothing. In fact, it only made it clearer that he should stay away from the Graice twins. Aria and Amara couldn’t rely on him. There couldn’t be anything between them. It was ridiculous. They were from different worlds; worlds that could never meet.

He stumbled down the dark mountain and home.

Drew got precious little sleep that night, tossing and turning, dozing and dreaming of Aria and Amara. In his more lucid moments he convinced himself it was better if he never saw the twins again, in less lucid moments he longed for them with an overwhelming yearning that tore him apart. By five am he could stand it no longer and went downstairs.

His mother joined him at about six. She made herself a cup of tea in silence, then sat down opposite him at the table where he’d been stirring an untouched bowl of cereal.

“You look like shit.”

“Thank you very much. I thought you were supposed to love me.”

“I do love you, more than you know, which is why I’m telling you this. Stop running away.”

“I’m not running away. I’ve never run away from anything.”

“That’s not true. You ran away from here.”

“I didn’t run away from you, Mam.”

“I know, sweetheart. This place was never big enough for you. I wish you’d chosen a different way, but I’m so proud of you.” She reached across the table and squeezed his hand. “That doesn’t change anything though, does it? You ran away then and you’re running away now.”

“I’m not—” Drew sighed and poked at the soggy cereal. “I don’t know what to do, Mam. It’s ridiculous I’m even thinking this. They’re kids. They’re from a different world. It could never work.”

“How do you know?”

“It’s just… I can’t believe you’re saying this. You’re always the first to say I should be realistic.”

“There’s realistic and there’s bloody stupid, and as far as I can see this is madness. It’s tearing you apart. Would it kill you to talk to the boys? Just clear the air. Maybe they won’t want to take it any further and that will be an end of it. This not knowing is killing you.”

“I do know,” he whispered.

“What?”

He glanced at her, then sighed and played her the voicemails, which had lost none of their impact on him. He hiccuped, fighting to prevent tears.

“Oh, cariad,” was all she said when it was done. She got up and walked around the table to hug him, then just held him until he broke and cried on her shoulder.

“Right,” Mrs Chance said, when Drew had himself under control again. “This has gone on far enough. Much as I love having you here, you are going to go straight upstairs and pack, then haul your arse back to London and sort this out.”

“I can’t. It’s not as simple as that.”

“It’s as simple as you make it, bach.”

“It’s—”

They were disturbed by a knock on the front door.

“Hold that thought,” she said, patting his shoulder as she got up and went to answer.

A few moments later, she returned looking a little shell-shocked. “It’s for you,” she said.

“For me? Who is it?”

“I have no idea. She…um…he’s… Just go see.”

Puzzled, Drew stood and walked into the hall. Standing on the doorstep, looking around with a great deal of curiosity was the last person Drew would ever have expected to turn up at his door.

“Jay? What the hell are you doing here?”

“What do you think? Someone had to come and knock some sense into you.”

“What are you talking about? I did what I had to do.”

“Bollocks. I was there, remember. I know you looked like a rabbit in headlights when I told you how they feel about you, but I didn’t think I’d scare you away.”

Drew huffed. “You didn’t.”

“Then what…” Jay’s eyes widened. “Oh.”

“What does that mean? Oh?”

“I should have known. Of course it wouldn’t have been me. It had to have been him. You ran like a rabbit as soon as you came out of the room with him. I thought it was what I said, but it must have been what he said. What did he say?”

“It’s none of your business. The thing is, he’s their father and he’s there for them now. He can take care of them better than I ever could.”

“You think so? Henley Graice is such a damn hero, but it’s all on the surface. Sure, he’s better than that cu—bitch who birthed them, but he hasn’t protected them from her, has he? He likes to think of himself as a father but he’s more of a child than they are. When they’re happy and playing together he’s in his element, but when they’re hurting or really need him you won’t see his arse for dust. He couldn’t handle the tears, so he ran for it.”

“What do you mean? He’s left? Already? When they need him?”

“Of course, he has. To be fair, he lasted longer than I thought he would, but when Amara fell apart and the doctor refused to drug him against his will he couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Especially with Aria…” Jay sighed, their shoulders sagging.

“You’d better come in.”

“No. I just need to know one thing. Just one thing, Drew. No side-tracking into what should be or what can’t be or any other bollocks. Just answer yes or no. Do you love them? No.” They held up their hand forestalling any response Drew might have given. “I’m not giving you an out like that. I know it’s too soon for love. I’m young and fabulous but not stupid. Do you care for them? Do you want to be with them?”

“That’s two questions.”

“Quit stalling,” Jay snapped. “The answer’s the same.”

Drew’s initial reaction was to laugh. Jay was dressed in a very un-Jay-like manner, in jeans—which were admittedly practically painted on—and tshirt with a flaming guitar on the front. Even the carefully applied cosmetics couldn’t make them look any less like a precocious teen. Drew half expected them to pout and stamp their foot, which to be honest was Jay’s usual style. However, there was something in their eyes that pulled him up short. He opened and closed his mouth, then hung his head.

He was going to regret this, probably for the rest of his life. “Yes,” he murmured.

“Good,” Jay said, in a matter-of-fact way. “Go put the kettle on and I’ll be back in about fifteen minutes.”

“Back? Where are you going?”

“Where do you think? To get the twins, of course.”

“The twins? But they’re not… They can’t be here.”

“They’re not—yet, but they will be in about fifteen minutes.”

“But…the hospital…”

Jay shrugged. “When have you ever known Amara to be somewhere he doesn’t want to be?”

“But isn’t he… I mean he sounded… Oh God, Jay, tell me he didn’t just walk out of there to come find me.”

“Well, I could, but I’ll leave that for him to do because he lies better than me.”

“Jesus.”

“To be honest, Drew, it’s not Amara you should be worried about.”

That brought Drew up sharply. “What do you mean?”

“Amara’s hurt. He’s in a lot of pain, but we all know a couple of cracked ribs will heal. Aria… It’s not his body that’s broken, it’s his mind. He needs someone to save him and I think you’re the only one who can.”

“I read something about it. Is it really that bad?”

Jay stared at him, then sighed. “You’ll see.” They turned away, then turned back. “You might want to shave, you look like crap.”

Drew’s mother appeared as soon as the door closed. “Who on earth was that?”

“A friend of Aria and Amara.”

She said nothing, but raised her eyebrow. Drew sighed.

“I must be crazy because I’ve agreed to see them. Just to talk,” he added hurriedly.

“So, I’m finally going to meet the boys who have my son’s heart in such a state.”

Drew sighed again. “Pease don’t.”

“Don’t what?” She widened her eyes, looking so damn innocent, but he knew she’d be all over them like a rash the minute they walked through the door. The woman could mother like no one else he knew.

“I know what you’re like. You’ll want to mother them, but please don’t. Just keep the fussing down to a minimum okay?”

“I…”

“Mom, listen. These boys have been hurt by just about everyone in their lives, their mother the most. They’re going to be suspicious and not want to be fussed. They’re not used to it.”

“Tsh, nothing happened to no one that can’t be made better with a bit of TLC. Alright, alright, I’ll keep my distance, but you’ll let me make them a cup of tea at least, won’t you?”

Drew chuckled and shook his head. “They drink coffee.”

“Uch, vile stuff. I’ll put the pot on. You realise I only take that out when you come home, right?”

“I know,” he said and ruffled her hair.

“Don’t do that,” she scolded. “Go clean up while I’m doing it. You look like shit.”

“Does everyone feel it necessary to comment on how shit I look?”

“Only for so long as you look like shit.”

Drew had never showered and shaved so fast in all his life. He obsessed over choosing his clothes and even made a good effort to style his hair. Twenty minutes after Jay left, he was pacing the hall.

“What if they don’t come?”

“Then they won’t come. Will you please come and sit down?”

“I can’t. I can’t stay still.”

“You’ll wear a track in the carpet and I only put it down last year.”

Drew sighed and followed her to the living room. Before he had a chance to sit, a knock at the door startled him so much he would swear his heart stopped. He froze.

“Well are you going to answer it, then? Or shall I?”

“No. Not you.” Drew all but fled the room hearing his mother chuckle.

“I’ll put out the tea…er coffee things then, shall I?” she called after him.

Drew threw opened the front door and the moment the way was clear, Amara was in his arms, clinging to him as if his life depended on it. He pressed his face against Drew’s chest and sobbed incoherently. Drew stroked his hair helplessly, afraid to hold him too tightly in case he hurt him. The wracking sobs seemed to be doing a good enough job on its own because the crying was interspersed with moans of pain.

“Easy, love. You’re hurting yourself. Calm down.”

Amara hiccupped a couple of times and took a few gasping breaths, clearly struggling as the moans far outnumbered the sobs now.

“Drew, I-I was… I’m… I wan’t…”

“Ssh, it’s alright. You’re alright. I’m here now.”

Amara tilted his head back and gazed up at him, his eyes deeply shadowed. “Are you? Are you here now? Will you go away again?”

“I’m not going anywhere. Come inside.”

For the first time, Drew raised his eyes to his other two visitors. Jay stood a little way back, their arm around Aria’s shoulders. Aria stood quietly at their side, his head bowed.

“Aria? Are you okay?”

Drew frowned when Aria refused to even raise his head. Jay motioned toward the door with his head and Drew nodded. Although he couldn’t see, he was pretty sure the curtains in the house next door were twitching. Keeping an arm around Amara, Drew led him through the hall into the living room where his mother was setting a tray of sugar, milk and biscuits (homemade of course) on the table.

“Oh my goodness, you poor things,” she exclaimed as soon as she set eyes on the twins. As Drew had feared, any promises she’d made went right out the window and she hurried forward. Surprisingly, she bypassed Drew and Amara to wrap her arms around Aria.

“Come in, come in,” she said, to Jay, and guided Aria to one of the chairs. He followed obediently and sat, his limbs loose and his head low. Mrs. Chance crouched and tucked Aria’s hair behind his ears, tilting her head to look into his face. Drew was distracted from what she said to him because Amara commanded his attention again by moaning, his hand clutching at Drew’s shirt.

“Hey, hey, ease off. Come on, sit down.”

“No, I don’t want to. Please. I just want… Please don’t leave me. Please.”

“Hush. It’s alright. I promise, I’m not going anywhere.”

“But you left me.” Amara’s voice was plaintive, just short of a whine. “Why did you leave me? Us?”

“I—”

“I told you, Mara,” Jay said, their voice gentler and soberer than Drew had heard before. “Your father made him leave.”

“No. Father couldn’t sack you. You don’t work for him. You don’t…”

“He didn’t sack me, Amara. Come sit over here on the sofa with me. Take your coat off, it’s warm enough.”

Amara squealed when Drew helped him slip his cashmere coat off his shoulders and hugged himself, momentarily unable to catch his breath.

“Damn you, you idiot,” Drew spat. “You should never have left the hospital.”

Amara, still panting gazed up at him, his eyes wide and bright. “I can’t do it on my own, Drew. I need you and you wouldn’t answer.”

Drew closed his eyes for a moment, searching for his equilibrium. Thoughts sped through his mind and almost choked him. “I’m sorry,” he croaked.

Amara shook his head. “I had to come to you.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Drew guided Amara to sit on the sofa and dropped down beside him. Amara snuggled into his side, wriggling under his arm. Although it clearly hurt, he purred appreciatively as Drew squeezed his shoulder.

Drew glanced up at Aria, who hadn’t moved. “Mam?”

She met his eyes, looking as sad as he had ever seen her. “What did they do to him?”

“They locked in the boot,” Amara whispered. “He’s scared of small places and they threw him in the boot and locked him in for hours. The doctor said it’s a kind of PTSD, but they don’t know what’s going to happen. They don’t know if he’s going to come back and they wanted…they wanted to put him in a hospital, all alone, without me. I can’t… I can’t let them do that.”

“Amara, I have to ask this – does anyone know you’re here? Did you tell anyone you were leaving, that Aria was leaving?”

“How could we? They wanted to take him. If I’d told them. they wouldn’t have let me, us leave.”

Drew groaned out loud. “I’m going to have to contact Jeff and let him know where you are.”

“He knows.”

Drew groaned again. “He helped you.”

“Not exactly but he said he’d turn a blind eye.”

“Yeah, that’s like him. Okay, look, I won’t call anyone for now, so just relax. Try to rest for a bit and we’ll see what we can do later.”

“I’m alright. I don’t need to rest. I slept in the car.”

“You did not,” Jay cut in. You haven’t slept since it happened, except when they drugged you, and you wouldn’t let them as soon as you knew what was happening.”

“How can I sleep when Aria needs me?”

“You can sleep, because Aria needs his brother, not a zombie who can barely hold himself together.” Drew hadn’t meant his words to come out so harshly. There had been times when he’d needed to chivvy a fellow solider and there’d been no place there for coddling. This, however, was an entirely different situation.

Surprisingly though, although Amara looked startled for a moment. “Alright. I-I think I could now. Now that you’re here.”

“You go on up, cariad,” Mrs Chance said. “I’ll look after your brother, and I promise I’ll call you if he needs you.”

“I’ll stay too,” Jay said, “If I get to eat more of these biscuits.”

“Take as many as you like. There’s more in the tin.”

“Any chocolate ones.”

“Well yes, but they’re shop bought.”

Drew and Amara left the biscuit discussion and headed up to Drew’s room. Drew was alarmed by how much help Amara needed, and how out of breath he was by the time they’d reached the top of the stairs.

“What did the doctor say?” he asked. “About you.”

“It’s just my ribs, and um…some bruises. They’re going to hurt for a while, but there’s nothing they can do. They don’t put them in plaster casts or anything.”

“No, but they do need to watch you, and you need strong painkillers.”

“No I don’t. I’ll be fine. I get bruised all the time when I perform, at least when I’m practicing, and I’ve fallen off the pole plenty of times.”

“Listen to me,” Drew said, gently holding him by the shoulders. “Broken ribs are not like bruises, no matter how bad they are. Without proper pain relief you can’t take deep breaths and you’re in danger of contracting pneumonia or some other breathing complaint. You’re so small, you can’t risk that.”

“I’m not that small.” Amara bristled, but his defiance crumbled at a combination of Drew’s expression and his own pain. “Alright, I’ll call the hospital tomorrow and see if they can fax a prescription or something. Or maybe I can make an appointment with your doctor. That’s probably better. The hospital might make us go back.”

“You should go back.”

“And what? Have Aria put in some mental hospital with strangers; without me?”

Drew rubbed his eyes. “I need to think about this. Try to sleep.”

“I can’t.” He sighed as if he was about to impart a difficult secret. “It hurts too much.”

Drew chuckled. “As if that’s news to me. Come on. I’ll help you get comfortable.”

“Will you lie with me until I go to sleep?”

Drew hesitated. As much as he wanted to, he also wanted to check on Aria. But Aria would be with his mother, and Amara would be alone.

“Sit down and I’ll take your shoes off. You’ll be more comfortable. At least you were sensible and wore leggings not jeans.”

“I couldn’t do them up. These are Jay’s.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

Drew guided Amara to the bed. It was only a few steps, unlike Amara’s room. Before he sat, Amara paused and turned to Drew again. He put his hand on Drew’s shoulder, although he winced when he stretched. At first, Drew found it difficult to meet his eyes, but once he did, he couldn’t look away. They were bluer than Drew remembered. The colour of the sky in summer.

Amara smiled, then sobered. “I need to tell you something.”

“Amara, don’t. There’s time—”

“I’m not a child, Drew, even though I act like it sometimes.”

“I know you’re not.”

“Do you? Do you really? Do you see me as a man, or just a silly child who’s clinging to the only stable thing in their life, because there isn’t anything else in their life to cling to?”

“I…”

“I don’t blame you, because to a large extent, that’s true. You are the only stable thing in my life, especially now with Aria the way he is. But that’s not the only reason I’m clinging to you. You have to know that. You must have seen… You’re not stupid, and I haven’t been exactly subtle lately, but I need to know if that’s why you left. Did you run away from me, because if you did, it’s okay. I never have to be anything but your friend. As long as I can be that, I’ll be happy. Please say that you can at least see me as a friend, not as some stupid kid you used to be fond of but couldn’t’ wait to leave behind.”

Drew was so lost in Amara’s earnest gaze that he forgot to speak for a moment. “I didn’t run away from you. No, maybe I did. I don’t know why I ran away. Your father warned me—”

“I knew it,” Amara growled looking angry. “Jay said it was their fault, but I never believed them. Father was… He got freaked out when Aria came home, and he ran away, too.” Amara huffed. “Not that that’s a surprise, but I knew something had happened. I asked about you and he shut me down. That’s when I knew. What did he say?”

Drew turned his head away. “He said I was…getting too close. That I was being unprofessional and that I was taking advantage of you when you were vulnerable.”

Surprisingly, Amara shrugged. “I guess in a way he was right. You were getting close and I suppose that wasn’t entirely professional, but you weren’t taking advantage of us; never that. We’re not as weak and soft as he thinks we are. He still treats us like the little boys who used to play hide-and-seek on his film sets. We haven’t been that for a long time, but he wasn’t there to see us grow up.”

Amara moved his hand from Drew’s shoulder to the side of his face, forcing him to turn back. “What do you see, Drew? What do you really see when you look at me?”

Drew bit his lip, in an agony of indecision. What should he say? How much could he reveal? This whole situation had the feeling of a turning point, as if a line had been drawn in the sand and he had two choices—step over it or turn away. If he stepped over, he could never step back. He very nearly turned away but there was something in Amara’s gaze that lit a fire in his belly, a fire that he knew would consume him if he didn’t at least share it with Amara.

“I see… I see the most beautiful man I’ve ever laid eyes on. A shining light. A fierce spirit. I see someone who’s taught me a lot about what strength really is. I admire you, Amara, and that has nothing to do with your status, or your talent, or the house you live in. It’s the way you’ve grown up among all that privilege, fending for yourselves, with no yardstick, or discipline or guidance but still turned out to be a wonderful human being.”

“I think you’ve got me mixed up with Aria.” Amara sounded about as stunned as Drew felt.

“I could never get you mixed up with anyone, not even Aria.”

Amara smiled, but again it slipped and the most intense expression fell over his face. “Do you like me, Drew? Do you really like me? I mean me. Not Amara Graice the superstar, but the real me. Amara Graice who’s uncertain and scared and…lonely. Amara Graice who’s all grown up and needs someone so badly…who needs you.”

Drew ground his teeth because Amara was so fucking beautiful, and so…

“Yeah,” he whispered. “Yeah, I like you.”

“How…” Amara bit his lip, uncertainty and doubt radiating from him. “How do you feel about that, about me?”

“I feel…confused. My job’s always been…a job. I’m a professional. I get the job done, but I’ve never got so involved.”

Amara licked his lips and Drew was mesmerised. “You don’t have to be professional anymore. You don’t work for us now.”

“No. I don’t, do I?”

“You can get as involved as you like.”

“I suppose I can.”

“How involved do you want to be?”

“As involved do you want me to be?”

“Oh for God’s sake Drew, just kiss me will you?”

For a moment, Drew was completely taken aback. Shocked would be a better word. But it was a good shock, such a good shock. Before he had a chance to change his mind, he bent his head and kissed Amara.