Aria Graice - 51. Chapter 51

Aria cried when Amara told him he wasn’t going on tour. Not gently, but huge, wracking sobs that shook his body so violently Drew was concerned he would hurt himself.

“Aria,” Amara said, his voice anguished, “why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you say you were feeling like this? I would have cancelled the tour ages ago.”

“I know, and…and th-that’s why. I know th-that touring is your…your li-life. I…wouldn’t sp-spoil that, but I…you…I thought…and…I can’t…”

“Ssh. You’re so silly. Touring isn’t my life. You are my life. My music is my life. Touring is something I do because I have to, and I admit I’ve done more than I needed to because I didn’t want to be anywhere near Mother, or the scene. Ben was…easier to manage, too. Now, I don’t have to worry about any of that. If I’d known how bad you felt about it, I would never have stayed away so long.”

“How…how did you think I felt about it? You’re half of me and I missed you like crazy.” Aria wiped his nose on his t-shirt. “But I knew it was important and I would never get in your way. You would do the same for me.”

“I know, but that’s not the point. You said you were okay with it. You lied to me and I thought we never kept secrets.”

“Um…you were the one who said…said that everyone has secrets, and you kept a big one from me.”

“No, I didn’t. Oh. Well yes, I suppose, but that was different.”

“How?”

“It wasn’t hurting anyone but me, and things would have been bad for us both if I had said anything.”

“Sama, Mara.”

“No, it…” Amara sighed. “I can never win an argument with you, can I?”

“No, because I’m always right.”

“No, it’s because I can’t stand to see you cry.”

“I’ll remember that.”

“You’re a brat.”

“You’re a meanie.”

“That’s such a childish word.”

“You’ve got a childish face.”

They gazed at each other for a moment, then laughed and hugged. The clouds blew away and that was the last either of them mentioned the tour.

The final days of the holiday passed too quickly. Without Anna to whisk them around they fell into a pattern of lazing around the pool or driving down to the town. Aria’s purchases began to arrive and he slowly transformed the villa. Drew had been doubtful that anything he did would improve the simple charm but Aria had an almost magical talent for making things better without really changing them at all. The colours were still muted, the lines still clean and simple, but there was a certain something about it; a youthful vitality, a classic elegance that impressed Drew immensely.

On the last day, the said a tearful goodbye to Georges, Daria and the rest of the staff, then headed down to the airport, where they said another tearful farewell to Alejandro. Alejandro gave his usual toothy grin and laughed at them. “You behave as though we will never meet again. The villa will always be here, and I will be here, waiting in the jeep when you come back. It will not be so long, huh?”

“No.” Aria sniffed. “We’ll be back soon. Probably the end of February because Paris fashion week is in January, and New York at the beginning of February and things always get busy then.” Aria brightened suddenly and turned to Amara. “Maybe we can go to Paris together. Would you like that? Would you do that?”

Amara shrugged. “What could be better than a week in Paris?”

“What about you, Drew?”

“Someone has to keep Amara out of trouble while you go do your thing.”

As soon as they got back to the UK, the twins threw themselves wholeheartedly into preparations for Christmas. Drew was dragged along on shopping trips and found himself regularly climbing ladders to pin up lights or decorations­—at home, at the safe houses, and even Jay’s garden shed. Everything sparkled.

The twins were excited by everything. Amara had recovered most of his strength and vitality, and although he still tired faster than Aria, so did Drew so that was all for the good.

By Christmas Eve, Drew was exhausted. Between the twins and Jay, he’d been surrounded by a whirlwind for days. Ceriann had gone back to Wales to help their mother prepare for the “invasion” as she’d taken to calling the family get together on Christmas Day and Jeff had also stepped back, leaving two new faces in his wake.

Drew liked both new guards, Alex and Jake, but he was still having a hard time taking a back seat to them with regard to security. Fortunately, they were both understanding and prepared to share. They treated him almost as part of the team while making it perfectly clear that he was on the other side of the fence now and had to take a back seat if things got serious. It was one of the most difficult things he’d ever had to do but he knew it had to be done and got on with it as best he could. He had plenty to keep him busy, so it wasn’t as difficult as he’d thought it would be.

Drew and the twins had spent the previous two days with Lady Jane, and Drew had found himself enjoying her company more than he’d expected. When she started to relax, she had a fun sense of humour and was soon clearly doting on her grandsons. Hedley had flown in for most of the previous afternoon and evening. He’d brought presents and tried to be the fun father he had always been to the boys, but there was a constant tension in the air and it didn’t help when he left early to spend Christmas partying with his new girlfriend who was only a few years older than the twins.

Lady Jane had not been happy with her son, and that was a big part of the reason for the tension. She made no secret of the fact that she was disappointed in him for not stepping up to be a proper father to his sons. His reaction was to make promises they all knew he wouldn’t keep and producing expensive gifts that showed no real understanding of who the boys were. It had been a relief to Drew, and he suspected the boys, too, when he left.

Lady Jane had not tried to throw herself into the void, but rather had kept back a little, allowing the boys to come to terms with the situation in their own way, although it would take far more than a night to achieve that.

For weeks, Drew and the twins had been throwing themselves into a project that had them all very excited. Fortuitously, the project had come to fruition that very day and had taken Aria and Amara’s minds off their disappointment in their father. Although they were due to travel to Wales for a day of introductions to the family, they took time to make an extra special detour.

After calling home to pick up Jay, they made the forty-minute car ride to a small village on the outskirts of London. They drove through chocolate box streets to a gate in a high wall. Once through, they were in a secret garden, filled with flowers and trees. An overhung drive led to the front of a house that was cottagey, in a grand kind of way.

The car parked outside the thatched porch and the twins jumped out before it had entirely come to a standstill. Jay was only moments behind them. Drew followed more sedately as the car carrying Jake and Alex pulled up behind.

The porch opened into an airy hall that smelled of fresh polish and flowers. Vases of sweet peas and roses stood on the sills of the two windows that flanked the porch. There was no furniture and their footsteps echoed as they crossed the hall and peeked into each of the rooms that led off it. Aria was particularly enthralled by the kitchen.

“I’m going to cook for us,” he declared excitedly. “I’ve been looking at recipes with Emma and she’s made me a recipe book for simple things I can manage. We can add to it when I get more experienced. She says that she’ll make sure we don’t starve. She’s going to be cooking for everyone else anyway so it would be easy for us to share.” He sighed and ran his hands over the gleaming range. “I know why she said that. She thinks I’ll give up or burn everything. She doesn’t think I can do it, but I want to. I want to cook for you, to take care of you.”

Amara wrapped his arm around his brother’s shoulders. “It doesn’t matter what she thinks. You can prove her wrong, and even if you do find it’s too much to cook all the time you won’t be failing. You can cook whenever you feel like it and you can let Emma do it when you don’t.”

Aria brightened. “I’m going to cook for the housewarming,” he said, his chin jutting as it did when he was determined and about to be stubborn about something. “Mam’s coming up to help me and we’ll show Emma what a bit of home cooking can do.”

Drew smothered a grin, hearing his mother’s words echoing back from Aria’s mouth. It was cute, but sad, that Aria had started calling Drew’s mother, Mam. He was so desperate for a mother, but at least he’d chosen someone who would come through for him—every time. Amara was more reserved but was just as excited as his brother about seeing her again.

“You can cook for me any day,” Jay said. “I’m useless and the day I can’t afford someone to cook for me is the week before I starve to death. Either that or I’ll get ridiculously fat from eating nothing but takeaway.”

“You can come eat with us whenever you want,” Aria said instantly, “but please don’t drive that ridiculous smart car because it’s an embarrassment to have on the drive.”

Jay snorted, fully aware that Aria was kidding. “If I ever move out of London I’ll oblige, but as long as I have to drive through the City, and park there, Constance is staying.”

Jay had named their rainbow coloured Mercedes smart car Constance after an elderly woman who lived in the same apartment block and was crazy as a bucket of frogs but doted on them. She loved to wear flowing garments with many scarves and large hats and called everyone “dahling”. The twins adored her almost as much as Jay. Not so the car.

“What do you have against Constance anyway?”

“Well, apart from the fact that the inside is a pigsty, she looks like a unicorn vomited all over her and then peed glitter.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“You’d give the neighbours a heart attack. They’re mostly all old.”

“If your neighbours can’t handle Constance, how are they going to handle you?”

“They all love us already,” Aria said smugly. “As soon as we knew we were going to buy the house we went around to all of them to bring pies and say hello.”

“Isn’t it they who are supposed to bring pies to you?”

“I don’t know. Why would they do that if they don’t know us? This way they all know how sweet and lovely we are.”

This time, Drew was not able to control the laugh, and Aria glared at him. “I’m not saying you aren’t sweet and lovely,” he said quickly, “but you’re also slightly insane.”

“Slightly? You should ask my therapist. She’ll confirm there’s no slightly about it.”

Aria skipped off, investigating the door to the garden, and Drew caught Amara’s frown as he gazed after him. Drew slipped his arms around Amara as Jay followed Aria outside.

“He’s going to be okay.” Drew squeezed Amara gently and Amara rested his head on Drew’s chest. “You both are, but you have to accept it will take time. I know you love him and you want him to be better, but he’s getting there. It doesn’t happen overnight. You’re both going to have to give it time and space. He’s as impatient as you are, which is not a bad thing, but it’s going to be frustrating when he doesn’t get the results he wants fast enough.”

“I know.” Amara sounded wistful. “I know we’re both going to be okay in the end, but the end seems a long way away and I hate it when he gets quiet and distant. I feel like he’s slipping out of my grasp and drifting away. That feeling scares me.”

“How do you think we feel when you do the same? Your nightmares are different, but it still ends with us all spending hours in the kitchen drinking cocoa and watching old films to help you calm.”

“I’m sorry, I—”

“Don’t be sorry. You can’t help it and neither can he. I’ve seen this before. PTSD is never pretty and you’re going to have to accept that it might affect you for the rest of your lives, but good therapy will help you get through it until it’s manageable. In the meantime, you both have me and I swear I’ll keep you both from flying away. If you try, I’ll tie ropes to your ankles.

Amara tilted his head to smile up at him. “I’m sorry you’re not getting what you thought you were.”

“And what did I think I was getting?”

“I don’t know. Fun, talented, unbroken, stable people.”

“Trust me,” Drew said bending his head to kiss him, “I never thought that for a minute.”

Amara chuckled against his lips, then they heard Aria yelling for them from the garden.

“Drew, Mara, stop kissing and come see this.”

Amara chuckled, pulling away. “Best not keep my brother, the master chef, waiting.”

Leaving the kitchen, they stepped into their own little corner of paradise. Well paved paths wound through a garden filled with flowers, and little nooks where you could hide away from the world and sit on comfortable benches under a rose arbour or at the side of a bubbling pond. Aria called it their secret garden and it was that and more. Tucked away behind a high wall, the garden covered more than an acre of land, although much of that was taken up by another cottage with its own little enclosed garden. This cottage was much newer than the main building, being a renovated outhouse, and would house Alex, Jake and the rest of the staff.

It had been Amara’s idea to buy a house just for them, without anyone but them living in it. Of course, they still needed staff and so had made sure they’d bought a property with space for them too. Advertised as a “granny flat” the spacious barn conversion was perfect, making sure the bodyguards and staff were close at hand, whilst maintaining a level of privacy the twins had never experienced. Emma would be travelling back and forth depending on where the twins were, as they were keeping the Kensington house for when they needed to be in the city. Alicia was still based mainly in London but had a room and office in the cottage, as they expected she would spend quite a bit of time there, especially as she had now been entirely forgiven.

Jay, of course had his own suite in the main house and they’d even earmarked a guest room just for Ceriann. The attic was to be renovated into a dance studio so the boys could keep up their regular training, which they far preferred to going to a gym, and a second outhouse would be constructed to house recording studios and workrooms for the twins. Drew had his own section of the garden for growing fruit and vegetables and was looking forward to having something concrete to contribute to the family. All in all, things were looking up and settling down.

Drew and Amara found Jay and Aria by the pond, squabbling over names for the fish. Amara knelt with the others to admire the striking koi while Drew sank onto the padded bench. The day was cold but clear and everything was vibrant, even in the middle of winter. He couldn’t wait to see it in the summer when the trees were in full leaf and the flowers were blooming. It was one of those gardens that had been thoughtfully planned to provide greenery and colour even in winter, and Drew looked forward to experiencing its different faces as the seasons changed. They’d found a gardener in the village who was prepared to take care of it so all they had to do was sit back and enjoy.

Drew came back to attention to find the boys had changed the subject and whatever they were talking about had Jay looking very uncomfortable indeed.

“It’s none of your business,” they said.

“But we want you to be happy. We have Drew and we want you to have someone, too.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Well no, but you won’t find someone to love you if you’re spending all your time with us.”

“Don’t you want me to spend time with you?” Jay seemed stricken, trapped tears glittering in the corners of their eyes.

“Don’t be silly, of course we do, but we want you to be happy, and you won’t find love with us. I mean there’s plenty of love but we’re not sharing Drew with you.”

Jay snorted. “No offence, but he’s not my type. He’s too…er…manly.”

“I thought you were into men.” Amara looked shocked and Jay laughed.

“I am, but I like slender not ripped, and long hair, and pretty eyes.”

“Are you saying Drew doesn’t have pretty eyes?”

“No, but…”

“Stop teasing them,” Drew said, “and leave them alone. They’ll find love in their own time and their own way.”

“Maybe,” Jay said with a wry smile. “Sometimes I think I’ll never find anyone. Sometimes I think I don’t want to.”

Amara shuffled closer and hugged Jay, pulling them in so Amara could rest his head on their shoulder. “I know. It’s been hard. It’s been hard for all of us but I think it worked out for the best. Everything is out in the open and no one hates you, but I know what conditioning is like. Are you seeing someone? A therapist, I mean. You’ve got a lot to work through, too.”

Jay shrugged. “Sometimes.” They bowed their head. “I’ve been so busy.”

“Never be too busy for yourself,” Aria announced, repeating another of Drew’s mother’s phrases.

“It’s just…hard to talk about.”

“As if our shit isn’t.”

“It’s not the same.”

“No,” Amara conceded, “it isn’t, but sadly it’s not something they won’t have heard before. There are specialists who deal with trafficked children all the time.”

“I’m not a child.”

“You were then.”

Jay sighed deeply. “I don’t know. I’ll see what happens after Christmas.”

“Okay,” Aria piped in, “we won’t hassle you until then, but you’re not coming to the villa in February if you haven’t at least tried to talk to someone.”

“Whatever you say, Mom.”

Aria sniggered, then turned serious. “Do you I think I will be, one day? Not a Mom, a…father I suppose.”

“I’m not keen,” Amara said, “but I’d do anything for you. I’m sure they’d grow on me eventually, like a puppy or something. But you’d have to change the dirty nappies and get up in the night when they cry. I can’t be doing with all that.”

Drew snorted, then sobered, realising that their talk of a future family involved him, too. He had never really thought about having children. It just hadn’t factored into his thinking. Did he want to be a father some day? Well, he’d be a damn site better father than Henley, that was for sure. So would the twins. The thought of Aria and Amara taking care of a child was enchanting, but terrifying.

“That’s not going to happen for a while,” he said firmly. “One day, I can get behind, but we all have to sort ourselves out first. We have to settle down and get our heads straight before we bring another person into the equation.

Aria and Amara both stared at him with that spookily similar expression. “You’re right,” Aria said seriously. “We’re too screwed up to look after ourselves properly without having a child to look after.”

“We’re like cats,” Amara said.

“Yes. We could take care of ourselves if we had to, but we do better when we have someone else to do it for us.”

“If the someone else is you, Drew.”

“Not that we really need looking after, as such.”

“But we kind of do.”

“And we will for a while, I think.”

“But then we’ll have babies, right?”

“Babies?” Amara sounded horrified. “I thought I only signed up for one.”

“So, you did sign up then?”

“I guess.”

Drew was screwed.

After spending a very pleasant afternoon exploring the new home, they drove back to the Kensington house to pick up Drew’s car which had already been packed for their trip to Wales. As much as Drew disliked the idea, Jake and Alex were accompanying them. He’d known, of course, that the bodyguards would be sticking to them like glue, at least for the foreseeable future, but hadn’t anticipated that would include trips home. He’d been angry when he first discovered the plans, then had oscillated between resigned, unhappy and angry until he’d finally given up and accepted it.

When they arrived in London, Alicia was waiting for them with a grave expression.

“What’s wrong?” Aria asked immediately, his face instantly set into a look of such fear and apprehension Drew wanted to scoop him up and carry him away from whatever was coming. They followed Alicia into her office, but the twins were too wound up to sit down.

“I didn’t want to tell you until you came back, but I spoke to your grandmother and she said, quite rightly, that the time for keeping things hidden is over, and necessarily so. Even though it would only be for a short time, I decided to give you the option to act now or wait. Your mother has been making quite a fuss, demanding a visit, but that’s been turned down flat.”

Both Aria and Amara drew closer to Drew at the mention of their mother, and he could feel them trembling. Aria clutched at his clothing, but his voice was calm when he spoke. Drew was so proud of him.

“That is never going to happen. I never want to see her again.”

“That’s your decision and everyone will make sure it’s respected. No one is asking either of you visit. In fact, her doctors have forbidden it, as have your lawyers.”

“Then why did you tell us?”

“Because the doctors felt that although it would be inappropriate for her to visit with you, they allowed her to write a letter that was sent to me. It was to be my decision whether to give it to you or not, but I think it’s unfair for me to make that decision as it should be yours. If you want to read it I’ll give it to you. If you don’t, I’ll burn it.”

“Burn it,” Aria said immediately. “Get rid of it. I don’t want anything to do with her.”

Amara didn’t say anything for a long moment. He remained still and stiff, barely breathing, then he gave a shaky sigh. “I want to read it,” he said.

Aria turned on him. “Why?”

“Because if I don’t I’ll drive myself crazy imagining what she might have said. I need to know.”

Aria paused for a moment, then he nodded. “I didn’t think of that. I’m very angry with her right now, but if I don’t read what she says I’ll always wonder, too.”

“I don’t want to read it now, though. I don’t want her poison to spoil Christmas.”

“I’ll keep it for you, then.”

“No, I’ll take it.” Amara reached out his hand. “I want to read it in Wales, where we’re safe. But not until after Christmas.”

“That’s a good idea,” Aria said. “Mam will be there and she’ll know what to say. Maybe she’ll make welshcakes and we can eat one when we read. It will be warm and sugary and Drew will be there, and Jay and Ceriann and Mam, and it won’t feel so bad.”

“Yes,” Amara said, smiling for the first time. “It won’t feel so bad then.”

Alicia smiled and handed over a thick envelope that had been sitting on her desk. It was plain and their names and the address were printed in a neat handwriting that was not Julianna’s. Amara accepted it, but handed it immediately to Drew. “Can you hold on to it for us? Until it’s the right time.”

“Of course I will.” Drew took the envelope and much as he wanted to burn it, he slipped it into his coat pocket. “Come on then. Let’s get on the road. You know what Mam’s like. It’s a wonder she hasn’t phoned ten times already.”

Alicia laughed. “Well she may not have phoned you, but she’s phone me five times to see if you were on your way. She said she didn’t want to disturb you while you were having fun but everyone was going to be there by five and she’s anxious for you to get there before them if possible.”

Drew checked his watch. It was almost two o-clock. “Not a chance.” He sighed and slid his phone out of his pocket. “I’ll meet you in the car,” he said. “You three say goodbye to everyone for me, okay?”

“Promise,” Aria said and stretched up to kiss Drew.

Amara merely hugged him and gazed up with a worried expression.

Drew bent his head and brushed his lips across Amara’s. “It’ll be alright,” he whispered, then hurried off to telephone his mother.

It was, in fact, almost seven when they pulled up outside Drew’s mother’s house. There had been delay after delay and they were all tired and frustrated. They’d been speaking to Mair constantly on the carphone and therefore knew that everyone else was already there. “Everyone else” was Ceriann, Sioned, her wife, and two of their children, Lowri and Rhidian. That amounted to quite a houseful.

By the time they tumbled out of the car they were all tired and more than a little stressed. They tumbled out into the street and were immediately hit by the icy wind. Drew had always said it was at least two degrees colder in the valleys than anywhere else in the country. The weather seemed intent on proving him right.

“Oh my God,” Jay spat. “Why is it so freaking cold?”

“Because it’s December,” Amara said, grinning from the benefit of a three-quarter length cashmere coat.

“It’s alright for you,” Jay grumbled. “Fashion was never meant for comfort. Or for keeping out the cold.” They pulled the edges of their old gold, silk brocade jacket together and shivered.

Drew smothered a smile and the temptation to ruffle his immaculately styled pink and purple hair. They’d stopped in a Services just outside Cardiff to change into party clothes. Drew was shocked by how quickly the boys were able to turn from casual teens in jeans and sweaters to poised and elegant young men, immaculately made up and highly fashionable. Drew had refused to consider make up, had done no more than allow Aria to run his hands through his hair with a touch of wax, and changed from jeans and sweater to slacks and shirt, but he still only had to wait a few minutes for them to be done.

Aria bounced up to the door and knocked loudly. “Let us in,” he called through the letter box. “Jay is turning into a popsicle.” He turned to Jay. “I said that because it’s American, to make you feel at home.”

Jay cuffed him playfully. “I’m no more American than you are. Just because I was born there doesn’t mean I have any connection with the place. This is my home.”

Aria thought for a moment, then nodded, just as the door opened. Drew paused for a moment, not recognising the person who stood there. He’d not seen his nephew Rhidian for a few years and in that time the shy, awkward boy with a fascination for the stars and finding out how things worked, had undergone a metamorphosis.

Rich chestnut hair hung to below his shoulders, reminding Drew very much of Sioned when she was young. It curled at the ends and framed a face that was sprinkled with freckles and enlivened by Sioned’s bright green eyes. Drew had no idea who Rhidian’s father was, and neither had Sioned as he’d been conceived artificially with the aid of an anonymous donor. Whoever he was, his genes had been no match for Sioned’s because Rhidian was even more like his mother than he’d been as a child, and even then everyone had remarked on the resemblance.

It appeared that Rhidian might have more in common with his mother than just looks, because after giving Drew a bright smile, his gaze slipped left then his eyes widened and his eyes glazed.

“Aren’t you going to let us in?” Aria demanded.

“What?” Rhidian blinked then focused on Aria. “Oh. I’m sorry. Of course. Come in.” He stood back and the twins bounced past him, followed more slowly by Jay who glanced back over their shoulder before disappearing into the living room.