The Preacher's Kid: High School - 2. Dealing. Coping. Adjusting

Damn! They sure do take their sweet time in the emergency room! I mean, if there’s an emergency, you’d think they would get their shit together and get on with it, right?

It was almost 11:00 by the time we got home. We had to stop at Walgreens and get a couple of prescriptions for Matty. One was for pain, and the other was an ointment we were supposed to rub on his back a couple of times a day.

Speaking of Matty, dude was beat. He slept part of the way home. When we pulled into the garage, Matty commented on Dad’s car being there. I told him that he usually stayed home on Fridays to put the finishing touches on his Sunday sermon.

We walked into the house through the kitchen door. Dad was sitting at the table with his laptop and a big-ass cup of coffee. He looked up and smiled at us as we made our way into the house.

Dad got up from the table and walked over to Matty. He took him into his arms and asked if he was feeling any better.

“Yeah, a little bit. I’m just soooo tired.”

“I’m sure you are. Those ER’s can take a lot out of you. But Matthew, do you think you can take some time so I can speak with you? Then you can have some lunch and take a nice, long nap. Whaddya say?”

“I guess—is everything okay?”

“There’s nothing to stress over, Matthew. Everything’s going to work out just fine.”

“Okay, where do you wanna talk?”

“Here’s fine. Have a seat. You too, Eddie.”

He did it again! Dad called me Eddie! I smiled when Matty gave me his classic WTF look. I mouthed, “I know, right?” back at him.

We settled in around the table while Mom got lunch started. Dad took Matty’s hand, which was kind of awkward now that I look back on it.

“First off—Matthew, I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am for what you’ve had to endure the last few months. No one should ever have to go through that kind of pain, but when it’s just a kid—a kid that means so much to our family and me, there are just no words to describe the sadness in our hearts.”

“What’s going on, Mr. H? Wh—what are you talking about?”

“Don’t worry, Matthew. You don’t have to hide anything from us. We know what’s going on now.”

Shit! Dad’s gonna spill the beans and let Matty know I broke my promise to him!

“Mrs. H. saw your back this morning and knew that you'd been a victim of some pretty major abuse for quite a while. I talked to her briefly while the doctors had you in x-ray, and I promised her I would pay your dad a visit.”

“Please, Mr. H.! Please don’t let them take me away!”

“Shhh. Nobody’s taking you anywhere. I have to admit I was pretty angry with your dad. I’m glad no one was around to see that!”

“What happened?”

“I went up to Eddie’s room and found the bloody clothes you were wearing last night. I gathered them up and went over to see your dad. He had been drinking and wasn’t very happy to see me. How long has he been drinking like that?”

“He started drinking some after Mom died. It just kept getting to be more and more—and now he’s pretty much wasted 24/7.”

“When did he start hurting you?”

“Well, he started getting angry and saying some pretty rotten things even before Mom died. It was like he was blaming me for all her problems. Even though it was just words, it hurt—sometimes more than the physical stuff he started doing.”

“When did that start?”

“Hmmmph. It started back during football season. I got home from practice, and he was waiting for me. Of course, he was drunk—only real bad this time. He started yelling at me, and then out of nowhere, he started hitting me. That was the start of the whole mess, and it just got worse every time.”

“Why didn’t you say something to us? Eddie, even?”

“Because whenever he would stop hitting me, he would tell me that if I told anyone about what had just happened, that CPS would come and take me away—and I’d never see my school or my friends again. I couldn’t take that kind of chance, ya know.”

“Well, let me assure you that CPS isn’t involved in any of this right now.”

“Okay. What is—this? What’s going on?”

“Your dad has checked himself into Positive Perspectives—a psychiatric hospital. He’ll be there for at least four weeks. He wants to get better, Matthew. I know he does. When I showed him the clothes you were wearing last night, he broke down and wept.”

“What’s going to happen to me?”

“You’re going to be staying with us while he’s in the hospital. We can put you in Haley’s room so you can have some privacy. This afternoon, we’ll go over to your place and get your clothes, toiletries, anything you need.”

“Is it okay if I stay with Eddie? I mean, that’s where I usually stay when I’m here. I—I just don’t know if I’m ready to be alone at night. Last night was the first good night’s sleep I’ve had in forever.”

“Eddie? How do you feel about that?”

“I’ll do anything to help Matty get through this. It’s not a big deal at all to share my room with him. You know that.”

“Okay, we’ll start with those arrangements and then keep the option of the other bedroom open for you whenever you feel you might be ready for that. Sound good?”

“Whatever it takes so they don’t come and take me away.”

“I promise you, no one is going to take you away from the people who love you.”

“Okay. I’m gonna trust you one that, Mr. H.”

Mom brought a tray of ham sandwiches to the table and offered some hot tomato soup to anyone who wanted some. Of course, we all did. Mom’s soup is amazing—none of that canned shit.

During lunch, we talked some more about boring bullshit. I know I rag on Mom and Dad all the time, but I have to say they were pretty outstanding in the way they handled this whole fucked-up mess.

After lunch was done, Mom gave Matty one of his pain pills and suggested he go and take a nap. I asked if I could take a short one myself and was pretty shocked when she said it was probably a good idea. Damn! I’m thinking some aliens came and abducted Mom and Dad and left a couple of subs who were way cooler!

Matty and I got into the bedroom and shut the door. As soon as it closed, he leaned against the door and heaved a huge sigh. “Why do I feel like I’ve just lived three weeks of my life in the last twelve hours?”

“What? What the Hell are you talking about? Those drugs must be damned good!”

“Think, dufus! I got the shit beat out of me. You helped me get cleaned up. You took care of the cut on my forehead. Your mom comes in and sees me all snuggled up on you—and doesn’t bat an eyelash. Then she takes me to the emergency room and handles everything as if I was her own kid. Your dad convinces my asshole dad to check into a psych hospital. Your parents take me in without even thinking about it. That’s about three weeks’ worth of life right there in a nutshell.”

“Yeah, I see what you mean. You okay?”

“I think so. My head hurts like a bitch. I got a huge knot under the stitches. At least there isn’t a concussion.”

“Yeah. Silver lining shit. I’m beat. I know you have to be. Let’s get into the bed and take that nap.” I stripped down to my boxer briefs and crawled in. Matty did the same thing.

Before Matty’s head even hit the pillow, I heard him starting to cry.

“Matty? What’s up? You’re safe now. Things are gonna be okay.”

“I’m sorry. All the B.S. from the last few weeks is just hitting me right now. I’ve been in survival mode for so long, and I didn’t have time to think about how fucked up everything was in my life. God, it’s soooo fucked up. Eddie, I don’t know what I’m gonna do now.”

Fuck me! This shit is so hard! I’m not used to this at all. Matty’s always been the strong one. I’ve always been the big baby. I’m not ready for this role-reversal shit, but I’ll try to be there like Matty would be for me if the situation were reversed. Only one thing to do, as far as I can tell.

“C’mere, dude.” I held out my arms and offered my chest up as a pillow again. Matty didn’t hesitate at all and wrapped himself around me as he kept crying softly.

I wrapped my arms around him and ran my finger in a small circle on his shoulder. “Matty, if you ask me, your life was fucked up when your old man started beating on you. That’s over. Things will be a helluva lot better now. No more fucked up life. And you know that Dad, Mom, and I are all here for you now. Whatever you need, I got your back. And if that’s not good enough, you know Mom and Dad do, too.”

“I’m sorry, Eddie. I’m being a total baby. I know you’re right. Do you mind if I sleep like this? It feels a lot better, with no pressure on my head and all.”

“Anything you need, dude. I’m here for whatever you need. You know that.”

“Yeah. You’re so fucking awesome, Eddie. I’m glad I’m here with you.”

“I’m glad you’re here, too. Now get some sleep, k?” I don’t know why I did it. But without even thinking, I kissed Matty on the top of his head. I was afraid it was gonna freak him out, but he seemed to ignore it. Matty just got comfortable and held on to me as he fell asleep.

MATTY

God, I love Eddie Hamilton! He’s been by my side since the day I was born. We’ve been there for each other through all the good times, the bad times, and those times when everything had gone to shit.

When my mom died, it felt like the end of the world. I would sneak out of my house for weeks after and climb into Eddie’s room and sleep with him. I cried a lot—I mean a lot a lot. Eddie was super chill about it. He would listen to me ramble on and on, and when I was done rambling, I would just cry as Eddie would rub my back until I fell asleep.

But you see, there’s a little bit more to it than that. And before I tell you, you gotta promise on a stack of Bibles you’ll keep it to yourself. Not even a peep to Eddie—especially Eddie! Capiche?

So, here’s the thing—when I said I love Eddie—I should have said I’m totally and completely in love with Eddie Hamilton. I know, I know—I’m a total idiot. That boy would totally cut me out of his life forever if he ever found out my real feelings. Why wouldn’t he? Dad just about did.

So, here’s what went down. The shit hit the fan about four months ago when I came home from football practice. When Dad heard me get into the house, he shouted for me to get into my room. Fuck! I could tell from the way he was talking he’d been drinking. You see, he’d been doing that a lot since Mom died. It totally sucks, too.

I sighed and went to my room and found Dad standing next to my computer. Of fuck! Fuck! Fuck! How could I forget to clear my browser before I went to school? Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Right there on the screen was my favorite site, Helix. He even had the video playing! Blake Mitchell was fucking the bejeesus out of Andy Taylor—right in front of Dad! Oh FUUUUCK!

“Yeah, I always knew there was something wrong with you. My son—the great quarterback—is nothing but a goddamned fairy!” He pointed to the screen. “Is that what you have Eddie do to you? Do you take it up the ass for your boyfriend next door?”

“No.”

“No? NO? Is that all you have to say? What the fuck do you think your mother would say if she saw this on your computer? What do you think your mother would say if she found out her little boy was a faggot?”

I just looked down to the floor and quietly answered, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? What the fuck kind of answer is that, fag boy?”

Fuck me. I never thought I would ever hear shit like that from my own father. But then, I haven’t had my real father around since Mom died. I just stood there and took the bullshit from my father. Then all Hell broke loose.

Dad picked up my iMac and jerked it so that the cables popped out. He raised it above his head and then smashed it down onto the corner of my desk—he destroyed my fucking computer!

“There! No more fag porn for you, you fucking freak!” That’s when he threw me down to the floor—hard! He kicked my ass with all the force he had and left me crying on the floor. “Yeah, you go ahead and cry your eyes out, you worthless fairy. You’ll stay up here and clean this mess up. Then you’ll stay in here and figure out how you’re going to clean your pervert mind up!”

He kicked me one more time for good measure and left the room—and me for the rest of the night.

That was the beginning of my nightly trips to Eddie’s bedroom. He would help me climb in through his window, and I would sleep on the left side of the bed. Most nights, I would turn away from Eddie. A lot of those nights, he would hear me crying a little bit if the asshole hit me extra hard. Eddie always thought I was crying about Mom. Hell, in a way, I guess I was since none of this would be happening if she hadn’t died.

Every morning, my phone would go off at 5:00, and I’d climb out of Eddie’s room and head back to mine. It worked pretty well. The only thing missing was holding on to Eddie. Or sucking Eddie’s big-ass cock. Or even better—kissing Eddie. Oh well. As that fucktard old man of mine would say, “Too bad fairy! You get to live with the unrequited love you got for that faggot boy next door.”

You know something? High school sucks. You’re not old enough to make decisions and choices about your own fucking life. That makes you dependent on the parents. That’s okay for most high school kids, but when the only parent you have is an asshole drunk who beats the shit out of you almost every night—well, it sucks.

Eddie let me use his old MacBook laptop. I decided I was going to save my cash over the summer for a new iMac desktop. I was extra careful with the laptop. It never left my backpack unless I was working on it. I never left it out, so that bastard couldn’t destroy it. And for what it’s worth, I only looked at the hot boy porn whenever the old man was passed out drunk.

Anyways, last night—what a fucking mess!

The beatings had been getting more and more intense. He started using his belt on my back and would go until I was about to pass out from the pain. I couldn’t really see them, but I was pretty sure I had some nasty-ass marks all over my back. Damn, I wanted to call the cops on him or something, but he ended every beating by telling me that if I reported him to anyone, they’d ship my ass off to some foster home, and I’d never see my friends again. Bastard!

The only friend I cared about not seeing again was the amazing boy who lived next door. The boy I was in love with—the jock who had no interest in anything more than friendship. I mean, really? Could you even imagine Eddie kissing me back—or sucking on my dick? Damn! Just thinking about it gets me all gushy on the inside and a hard dick working its way down the leg of my jeans.

Oh yeah, last night. So it was a pretty rough beating. When he knocked me to the ground, I hit my head on the nightstand and split my forehead open. Damn! There was a shitload of blood, and it scared the crap outta me.

Usually, I wait until he passes out to go over to Eddie’s, but I needed his help right away. I could feel the blood flowing down my face. I didn’t even bother with sneaking out. I just bolted for the back door and left.

When I got to Eddie’s window, it was already past midnight, so I tapped on his glass. I have to admit, Eddie was totally chill and didn’t freak out when he saw all the blood. He helped me into his room and got me out of my bloody clothes before leading me into his bathroom. He cleaned up my face and had me hold a washcloth to the cut while he went to find some gauze.

When he got back to the bathroom with the gauze, he said he wanted to wake up his mom and dad so they could take me to the hospital and get stitches. I wouldn’t let him do that. After all, that would lead things to CPS and me losing Eddie for good. Not gonna happen, dude!

Once the bleeding stopped, Eddie wrapped some gauze around my head and then decided I had to get cleaned up. I’m sure I smelled terrible. I hadn’t had my shower for the night yet. Only thing was, I knew he had to help me—and if Eddie did that, he would see my back and the shit my old man had done.

He stood me up and pulled down my boxer briefs from behind me. Eddie had to see the marks on my back, but I’ll be damned if he didn’t say a word. He just helped me get into the shower and stood behind me.

He reached above and grabbed the showerhead thing so he could hold it and keep the water off my head. Once I was rinsed, he handed me the showerhead while he soaped up his sponge.

You know something? God has a cruel, wicked sense of humor. For at least two years, I’ve had a fantasy of Eddie standing with me in the shower, bathing me, rubbing me. While a big chunk of that fantasy was coming true, my head was hurting like a motherfucker!

On the other hand, having Eddie washing my back was enough to get my cock to stir. But when he ran that sponge into my ass and up against my hole—holy mother of God! That was the most amazing thing I’ve felt since Brandon Hunter gave me a blowjob in the theatre dressing room during a Hairspray rehearsal. My cock was at full attention now. Thank God Eddie couldn't see it!

When that sponge made its way to my taint and balls, I know moaned out loud. I mean, Hell! Eddie Hamilton touched my balls! Hopefully, he didn’t hear it from the sound of the water—but I doubt it. If he did hear it, maybe he thought it was from the pain in my head and not the ache in my heart!

I thought I was gonna die when he told me to turn around. I mean, c’mon! Eddie was gonna see my boner! How could I explain that?

I turned around, and all Eddie did was ask how I was feeling? What was I gonna say—that I was feeling the need for some hot boy-on-boy sex with the dude washing my naked body? Noooo. Not cool. So, I told him I got a boner from his rubbing my ass and touching my balls. Then I said, “I’m okay. But I’ll wash my own dick. I wouldn’t put you through that.”.

Of course, Eddie laughed. But what the fuck? Was that a look of sadness in his eyes? No way! That bang to my head must be playing tricks on me.

When we finished the shower, Eddie checked the bandage and said it was dry as a bone. Obviously, he wasn’t talking about the one between my legs! It was wet with a mixture of water and pre-cum! Sheesh, teenage hormones suck!

Eddie got me a pair of boxer briefs out of his drawer, and I pulled them on. Thankfully, the business between my legs had calmed down a bit. We crawled into bed, and then I started to worry that I might get blood on the pillow. I told Eddie I would just sit up and sleep, but he thought that was a crazy idea.

He thought for a few seconds and then offered his chest as a pillow. Do you know how hard it was to stay calm when I realized that I was about to have the closest contact I’ve ever had with that boy? I have to tell you, though—when I laid my head on Eddie’s chest, it was the most amazing, comfortable thing I’d felt in ages.

I knew I was gonna wake up with morning wood and wanted to defuse that situation right away. I told him it was because I had to pee and not because of him. He basically told me the same thing. We kinda laughed about it and settled in.

Eddie asked me how long my Dad had been beating on me. I just sighed and told him it had been going on for about four months. I couldn’t avoid the truth with Eddie. He’d call me out on the bullshit, and that would make the situation worse. I did ask him not to say anything to anyone so CPS would stay away.

With my head lying on the next best thing to heaven, I started to relax. Eddie’s heart was beating kind of fast, but hey—so was mine. When he put his arms around me and told me everything was gonna be okay—somehow, I knew it would be. The last thing I remember him saying was that he loved me. I told him I loved him back, and before I could think about how awesome this horrible night had finally turned out, I was fast asleep.

Eddie

So here we are, Matty and me, taking a nap with him laying on my chest. Just like last night. Only difference is that I can’t sleep.

All I can think about is this amazing boy—my best friend for as long as I can remember—being beaten to a pulp by his own father. My father would have a cow if he knew the thoughts going on in my brain—thoughts of beating the ever-loving shit out of George Jordan.

Okay, I confess—I also have a lot of weird feelings about Matty. Seeing his boner right in front of my face last night and holding him like this—twice now!—Well, this is going to drive me crazy!

All I can think about is should I/shouldn’t I and everything in between. I love the boy in my arms way more than can be healthy. I mean—c’mon! Matty Jordan is the school quarterback, and he said himself that he only does theatre because there are a ton of girls.

I wonder how many gay boys are in love with their straight best friends? I’m sure I can’t be the only one. Maybe I’ll do a web search and see if I can get some insight on how to deal with this. I probably need to do that pretty soon since Matty’s gonna be living here for a while. Fuuuuuck! This is gonna be torture!

There was a tap on the door. Shit! I couldn’t move Matty out of the way before the door opened. It was Mom, and she quietly came in a smiled at us. Weird.

Mom whispered to me, “This tube is the ointment for Matthew’s back. When he wakes up, would you mind applying it? Just follow the instructions.”

“Okay.”

She looked at Matty sleeping on my chest and gave that “mom pity-look.” “How is he doing?”

“He’ll be okay. He’s kind of freaked out, but when things settle down, he should be okay.”

“He’s lucky to have you. I’m so proud of how you have been there for him ever since his mother passed.” She kissed me on the forehead. “I have to go run some errands and stock up on some more food now that I have two athletic boys under my roof. Your father had to do some hospital visits and will be out the rest of the afternoon. He wants to take us all out to dinner tonight, so plan for that, okay?”

“Sure—and Mom? Thank you for taking Matty in. I would hate to think what would happen to him if you didn’t. I know I don’t say it enough, but I really do love you and appreciate you for all the cool things you do.”

“Thank you, son. Just know that you and Matthew are two of the dearest things I have in my life. I’m happy that for a short time, I get to be a mom for him. I think he could use a little mothering—especially now. Now—I can see in your eyes that your brain is racing faster than a race car. Try to relax and get a little sleep.”

She placed the ointment on the nightstand, kissed Matty and me on our heads, and left the room. Not a single comment or weird mom-look about the way we were lying in bed. Who is this woman? I hope I won’t have to trade her in for the original Mom anytime soon!

As soon as the bedroom door closed, Matty mumbled, “Your mom is so cool. She can mother me all she wants for as long as she wants.”

“You heard all that?”

“Did you know that when you whisper, it sounds like your broadcasting to the world when I have my ear on your chest? I heard it all.”

“Oh. I’m sorry I woke you.”

“I’m not.” Matty propped himself on his elbow, looking directly into my eyes. “But I’m glad she left because all I could think about—or dream about was one thing.”

“What’s up? Everything okay?”

“God, I hope so. But if what I have to say freaks you out—and it probably will. Or if what I have to say ruins our friendship—and it totally could. Then I know I can call CPS and be out of your family’s hair.”

“What the fuck, Matty? What the Hell are you talking about?”

“Okay—promise me you’ll let me have my say before you say or do anything?”

“Okay? Sure?”

Matty took a deep breath, and I could see tears starting to well up in his eyes. “You see, last night and just now—sleeping with you holding me is the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced with another human being. I want to sleep like that with you for the rest of my life.”

“Matty? What are—"

“Shhhh. Wait till I’m finished, k?”

“Mkay.”

“Eddie? Please, please, don’t hate me for this—but I love you. I know we tell each other that all the time. But what you don’t know is that I mean it in a way that’s more like I’m in love with you every time I say that. I guess I’m gay, cuz I’m in love with the most amazing boy on this entire fucking planet. You don’t have to love me back the same way—just don’t hate me, Eddie. Please don’t hate me for this!”

Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! Matty-fucking-Jordan just told me he’s gay, and he’s in love with me! What the fuck? Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! Oh shit! I need to say something before he freaks completely out! What do I say? ‘I love you, too’ is too predictable. I need this to be special for both of us!

Oh, fuck! He’s crying now! I can’t think of a fucking thing to say to the boy I’ve been in love with for years, and he probably thinks I hate him. What do I say? How do I say it? Well, there’s only one way to answer him since I have no words.

I place my hands on either side of his face and lean in. Holy shit! When my lips touched Matty’s, it felt like electricity pumped through my body. He opened his mouth and gasped—only I took it as an invitation to my tongue. Oops! My bad! I eased my tongue into Matty’s mouth and twirled it around his.

Who needs words when this one kiss means more than anything that could have been said. Are there even words to describe the feeling when the boy you’ve been in love with forever is kissing you back?