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    Mikiesboy
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
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tim's poetry workbook - 7. Blank Verse: From Space

Poetry Prompt 7 Blank Verse

   

The Prompt: imagine you are free-floating in space, in orbit around the Earth. Don’t worry about a spacecraft or spacesuit – you are just able to orbit the earth – describe what you see, feel, think and expect to happen. Make it at least 10 lines, but remember, the more practice the better. Try to make it as long as you can.

 

So with those instructions i went to off to write. The following is an okay poem, but it is not blank verse. I tried about 3 or 4 reiterations of this poem. It just was not blank verse. I was a bit frustrated with myself. But i share this because i think it's important to know that none of us are perfect or brilliant all the time. Sometimes it is a struggle but a worthwhile one. As you read this poem.. note it is not one flowing piece, it changes throughout where blank verse should be a continuous/unbroken thought.

 

The song Rocket Man worms in my brain,

as i orbit this place i call home,

there are no words to share that describe

the vastness that spreads out before me.

And i wish so, that you could be here

to hold my hand and desirous gaze

as we drift through the coldness of space.

Away we could travel timelessly,

to the other planets and places

that drift on paths in our Milky Way.

We will fly past the glittering stars

catching their dust in our outstretched hands

and laughing, dig for cheese on the moon.

When once we've had our fill, we'll travel

to rest entwined, on Saturn's great rings

and we sleep in the warmth of the sun.

 

 

 

 

So i got up Friday morning opened a blank page, gave up on using anything from the poem shown above. I looked once more at the prompt and sat down to write something again. I tried to keep in my mind that while i floated in space what were my observations about what i saw and felt about the planet we call home, the life here and our future.

I came up with this:

 

From Space

 

Below me is the blue marble called Earth

and around me is space; our Universe

its vastness is nearly beyond my ken

distances are unimaginable

and there is no one out here to save us

nowhere to run as we destroy our home

for we kill the denizens and pollute

grasping, greedily for today only

not thinking about those who inherit

they will live with the decisions we make

we must join together to save ourselves

for no god resides out here in heaven

and no alien race will rescue us

these things I see clearly, from out in space

 

***************

Edit: Um, just in case it wasn't clear...this poem is right, and is blank verse.

I hope you enjoyed this and thanks for reading.
Copyright © 2019 Mikiesboy; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

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6 minutes ago, MichaelS36 said:

So this is what you have been growling about for the past few days.  I'm glad you didn't quit, boy. I like them both, the second one is good. 

Yesss, Sir.  no quitting, i was going to get it right no matter what!!

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17 minutes ago, mollyhousemouse said:

i love the glimpses you give into the process with these. i know from past discussions that they aren't easy to do, but seeing the evolution as you drill down the form is fascinating. helps me to appreciate the final versions, and all your work, that much more.

xo

Thanks molly. i mostly put them because i know you like to read them. i hope others do too.  Thanks for your support and comments xoxo

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Both poems are terrific, but I react differently to each of them. The first one reminds me of love, and sharing an experience with someone as you travel across the cosmos. The visual of sitting on Saturn's Rings hits me the most. The second one makes me think and feel about environmentalism, and what we can do to help our world.

Excellently well done, my Brother.

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3 hours ago, Brayon said:

Both poems are terrific, but I react differently to each of them. The first one reminds me of love, and sharing an experience with someone as you travel across the cosmos. The visual of sitting on Saturn's Rings hits me the most. The second one makes me think and feel about environmentalism, and what we can do to help our world.

Excellently well done, my Brother.

Hey, A ... thanks very much. Yeah, the first one was supposed to be a journey.. but it wasn't blank verse, but it was an okay poem.   In the second one i sort of felt the hugeness of space ... and well really for all we really know we could be alone ... so who will fix this mess if we don't?  Thanks for your excellent comments.. i appreciate them very much.

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I, too, liked both poems. I certainly did feel as if I was on that journey through space. And , as for the line “digging for cheese”? That was marvellous! Made me laugh, it did. :) 

As for poem number two? Kind of spooky because you put into words what I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Having young family members who will be on this planet long after I’m gone makes me strive to do better - and encourage others to follow suit - even if all I can affect is one small corner of our world. 

As always, well done, tim. :thumbup: 

 

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14 minutes ago, Parker Owens said:

Each of these spoke to me. The first made me feel as if I were part of a fantasy novel, or maybe a book like Wrinkle in Time. You let me feel both vastness and a kind of sureness in that universe when there’s a we, not just a me. The second of these stirs my mind, wills me to act. Your clear sight could move all but the stoniest of hearts, the ones who can’t see beyond this quarter’s profit-and-loss. 

Thanks very much Parker.

8 minutes ago, Reader1810 said:

I, too, liked both poems. I certainly did feel as if I was on that journey through space. And , as for the line “digging for cheese”? That was marvellous! Made me laugh, it did. :) 

As for poem number two? Kind of spooky because you put into words what I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Having young family members who will be on this planet long after I’m gone makes me strive to do better - and encourage others to follow suit - even if all I can affect is one small corner of our world. 

As always, well done, tim. :thumbup: 

 

Thanks Reader... xo

 

I put your comments together because basically they mention the same things.  I truly believe to save this planet, there needs to be a major shift in how we think, use things and about money.  I think we need.. all of us, businesses and everyone, need to become more concerned about the world and each other than for the endless search for wealth and monetary growth.  People, need to find worth in things other than cash, the next smartphone and  what is being said on twitter.  We need to become a community .. before it's too late.

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22 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

Thanks very much Parker.

Thanks Reader... xo

 

I put your comments together because basically they mention the same things.  I truly believe to save this planet, there needs to be a major shift in how we think, use things and about money.  I think we need.. all of us, businesses and everyone, need to become more concerned about the world and each other than for the endless search for wealth and monetary growth.  People, need to find worth in things other than cash, the next smartphone and  what is being said on twitter.  We need to become a community .. before it's too late.

Perfectly put, and I totally agree with all you’ve said. 

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Sorry it's taken me a while to put my thoughts here publicly, but you know them privately :)

The initial poem you tried was the best of the lot of that effort. You start touchingly by wishing an absent loved one was with you, with you to experience this wonderful freedom of movement. Then the poem takes the reader on a fanciful and fun flight. I like the cheese on the moon reference too, as some other comments say. For me, the two biggest areas of this poem that needed tweaking were blending the thoughts from line to line to avoid many hard stops (this is a storytelling form, and flow is something to keep in mind). And secondly, there is just something magical about 10-sylabble lines and their ability to paint action and descriptions; it's the sweet spot of English poetry. It just feels right. Nine beats per line is a sort of limbo land -- one beat more than Lyric poetry, and one beat less than Blank Verse and Quatrain poetry. So I am glad you tried again fresh to work with lines thought out in 10-sylabble chunks.

The second poem has an important message, and you deliver it really well. We as humans should grow up and practice what children are taught -- don't sh*t where you eat. The Earth is where we eat, and we should not be allowed to continue harming it for short term goals anymore. Besides, how are we going to get to space on fossil fuel? It'd be like asking how the designers of the Titanic how there were going to cross the Atlantic burning whale oil? 

Fuel sources must evolve if we are to do the same as a species.    

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