Awaken - 7. Separate

I sat in the small clearing we'd come to the day before. It wasn't long after sunrise and the cool morning breeze whipped through my body. I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself. Sunlight was filtering through the trees but it wasn't strong enough to completely pierce the dense forest around me. For some reason this was part of the estate that I didn't visit regularly. It was on the far end, farthest away from the ocean. Always so dark, it was an area I wasn't naturally drawn to. I lifted my hand and turned it this way and that in the shadows the trees made. Of course Talon was drawn to the area most out of the sun. I wasn't sure how often that man ventured into it. His eyes were either downcast or squinted the day before. More than once I'd seen him wince when the sun caught his eyes. I shuddered as the shadows seemed to pull the warmth from my skin. Tucking my arm back into my long sleeved tunic, I considered the bright blue fabric. The sleeves' edges were frayed and worn. Another reminder that my parents almost began to forget me entirely. Eon and Anika's robes were intricately stitched and made of the finest fabric in the most vibrant colors. Mine were hand-me-downs that were always ill fitting. It was hard when Anika was dainty and Eon was wide and all muscle.

“Well, look who's early.” Talon stepped into the clearing silently. If he hadn't announced his presence I probably wouldn't have even heard him. He held a tie between two fingers and I watched him gather his thick dark hair up before securing it behind his head. Pieces messily hung down and he blew an errant strand away from his eyes with a breath. He wore a simple black undershirt with no sleeves and basic black pants. His fingers were adorned with multiple rings in addition to the one he'd worn the first time we'd met. I tried not to read into the way his eyes moved over me. He looked tired and I wondered if being awake this early was something he wasn't used to.

“What are you going to make me do today?”

“Run.”

“No really.”

“No really.” I stared at him for a moment and groaned when that familiar grin slid across his lips, “I said you were done running yesterday. Not permanently. Get used to it little lord. You'll be doing a lot of it.”

*

“Does this ever get less awful?

“You'll get better. It just takes time. You didn't turn into a wet noodle over night.” He held up one of my weary arms and shook it limply. I snatched it away and my muscles screamed at the sharp movement. He grinned and I rolled my eyes. It was unbelievably hot that day and I watched him push his sweaty hair out of his face. His grey eyes were light and full of amusement.

“We have an audience.” I looked at him confused and he nodded to my left. Lex was slowly making his way toward us. I sighed and ran fingers through my own sweat soaked hair. He glared at Talon as per usual and smiled softly at me.

“Are you done with your lesson, schatz?”

I winced and Talon grinned sharply, looking between the two of us, “I'll be done in a minute Mallex and then you can take the little lord.” I laughed in disbelief and Lex scoffed at Talon, giving him yet another dirty look. To my surprise, instead of blowing up Lex took a seat on a nearby rock and stayed silent. The pet names were a new addition to Lex's attempts to repair damage and “woo” me. I couldn't say it was working but it was nice to have him not fly off the deep end at every insult Talon threw his way. I'd noticed that nothing seemed to sour Talon's mood quite like Lex offering me terms of endearment.

“Pay attention.” I looked up at Talon as he threw his hand up, a disk of black appearing about a half mile away from us on the open plain where we stood, “Hit it.”

I was already shaking my head, “It's too far.”

“I didn't ask for excuses. I told you to do something. I expect it to be done.” I closed my eyes and took a breath. I felt my power slowly moving around me and I threw my own hand out. Light spread in all directions as I opened my eyes. Seeming to flash in every direction except where I needed it to go. I closed my eyes again and tried to bring it back. When I opened my eyes again I willed the light to go where I wanted it to. My heart skipped a beat and all the jagged lines straightened out before consolidating and slamming into the disc of shadow. In the corner of my eyes I saw Talon stagger forward. Lex let out a shout of wonder and I shook my hand as I cut off my power. I was a bit dizzy and I closed my eyes as I got control of myself.

When I opened them, Talon was smiling down at me. It was, for once, a genuine smile. It was wide and honest, not hidden behind sarcasm and teasing. All at once, Lex wrapped his arms around me and swung me around. I was lost in excitement and let him, a laugh tearing through me. I was deposited on my feet and to my dismay, Talon's smile had fallen off his face. He waved Lex off and made me run a mile before my day was over. He barely spoke to me the rest of the time we were together.

*

It went like that for a couple weeks. Talon running me ragged. I lost track of how many push ups I did, how high I climbed, how long I swam for. He did it all with me, constantly throwing barbs my way every time I faltered. No matter how many times I tripped up, fell, or even was sick again he didn't let up. He forced me to get better. And I did. Physically I had never been in better shape. I even managed to push myself farther each time. It was to the point where I kept up with Talon. I was always breathing harder but I was able to match his brutal pace. He'd even upgraded our runs by setting the course through the woods. I had to jump from rock to rock, balance on downed trees and still move fast enough that I didn't lose sight of him. He moved through the trees like a wraith and I wasn't sure if his feet even touched the ground.

At home I ate more than I ever had before. Finishing what I would eat normally times at least three. I almost ate as much as Eon and Anika made sure to slip in jabs about how I'd get fat and be even more disgusting. She also, of course, had to make comments about Talon and I. I shrugged her off for the most part and focused on myself for the first time in my life. I was starting to fill out. I no longer looked gaunt and I was surprised as my thin arms began to gain muscle. I had always been lanky, but I seemed to finally be growing into my own body. My hair was no longer limp. It was a shining amber that shone in the sunlight, curling a bit at the ends. My skin had a healthy tan that seemed to glow. My eyes were brighter and for the first time in my life I didn't duck as I went passed mirrors. My parents continuously shot nervous glances my way, but I didn't care. For once, their opinion of me meant nothing. I lived for the times, few and far between, where I would surprise Talon. The instances where I would manage to throw myself through the trees and get out in front of him. The look on his face was always priceless. Eyes wide and mouth slightly hanging open from shock. Even more rare was when I managed to make him smile that real smile. That was everything to me.

Every day ended with a short time working on my Magik. I wasn't sure we'd made as much progress in that area though. I had a bit more control but every time I got excited or lost focus for a second, my control was ripped away. I'd seen a bit more of Talon's gift, but he seemed hesitant to show me what he could do. Always little tricks and glimpses, never the full thing. He was holding me farther than arms' length away and it frustrated me. Him holding himself back made me feel like I'd never truely know him. That didn't even begin to touch on the fact that he never shared anything about himself with me. Even if I asked. More the opposite really. Any personal questions made the man shut down almost entirely. I would, without a doubt, earn myself more running or some other kind of punishment.

It was one of those days where I finally lost it, “No.”

“No?”

“I'm not running again because you are set on punishing me for wanting to know more about you.”

“I don't think I asked. I am none of your business.” His dark eyes regarded me almost coldly. His arms moved up and crossed over his chest.

“I'm not doing it.” His eyebrow rose and I almost gave in. I shook my head instead and met his gaze defiantly.

“Then we're done.” I froze and stared at him, trying to see if it was another of his ill-timed jokes. His arms were still crossed and his eyes were hard. There was no amusement in his expression and I felt my stomach sink.

“Fine. I guess I'll see you tomorrow.” I latched onto my stubbornness and tried desperately to cling to my resolve.

“You don't understand,” His arms dropped and the corners of his mouth turned downward, “We're done. There won't be a tomorrow. If you won't listen to me then I won't waste my time.”

I stared again and felt anxiety crash through my body, “You can't do that.”

“You seem to think I have to listen to what you say. I don't.” His mouth turned up in a sneer and for a moment I crumbled.

I rallied and took a breath, “I need your help.”

“There are others who could teach you it doesn't have to be me.”

“I don't want another teacher!”

He ran a hand over his face and I cringed slightly as he glared down at me from across the small field we were standing in, “I don't care what you want. You're all the fucking same. Lords and ladies who make themselves important even though they're not. You think you can do whatever you want and play with people's lives. Titles are words. You don't own me.”

I blinked at him, my mouth hanging open, “I don't want to own you.”

He let out a harsh laugh, “Don't you? You forced me into this. You don't think I know that your father would've made me do it either way? Because it's what you wanted. Even his least favorite son is worth more than an orphan from The Shift. Am I right?”

I tried to form words. My mind was focused on the one word of that sentence that I'm sure he hadn't meant to let slip. I'd never seen this side of Talon. Well, aimed toward me anyway. The set of his shoulders was hard and tension had pulled his body tight. His eyes had turned into pools of shadow and I shook my head. This had gone so wrong. I had only wanted him to take down his wall for a couple of seconds. I guess he had, but in a way that had dried out my mouth and sent a deep resounding note of pain through my chest.

“Talon, you know that's not who I am.”

“Isn't it? You're wrong. I don't know that. I've told you before so many times I've lost count, we don't know each other. Would you have let it go if I said no and pushed you out of my house?”

I rubbed my hand over my face and looked at him, “I don't know.”

“You don't know?” That harsh laugh again and I felt tears burning at the corners of my eyes.

I looked away and tried to keep my voice from breaking, “I wanted it to be you. I don't know why but I felt like there was no one else.”

“You'll have to figure it out. Go get married to that giant idiot. Go to Syrin and find a teacher. Leave me alone Kalian.” I jerked my gaze back to him, but they met his back. He was walking away from me and I felt the pain in my chest become sharper.

“Fine! Go! Go sit in the dark and feel bad for yourself! They were right! You aren't anything other than a freak! I only wanted to know you.” The last words were nothing but a whisper and my heart ached. I watched him pause and he turned to look at me, his anger replaced with something that looked a lot like sadness. He shook it off and the glare returned to his face before he turned again. I slowly lowered myself to sit on the ground, my head falling into my hands.

Mallex found me like that sometime later and I couldn't find the words to explain to him why I was so upset. Talon was right. Like he always was. We didn't know each other, we’d both reminded me repeatedly, and yet I found myself almost sick at the thought that he'd extracted himself from my life. My chest hurt and Lex hauled me home, trying to reassure me that things would be okay. They'd find a different teacher and I'd never have to deal with Talon again. That made it worse. I was barely registering him half carrying me over the grounds. All I could think about was the sadness in Talon's eyes for those few seconds. Eon was suddenly with us, asking me if I was okay. His hands held my face and his bright blue eyes were filled with worry. He pulled me away from Lex and then he hoisted me up into his arms. My legs seemed grateful and relaxed, all of me was numb. Black crept over my eyes and grey-black eyes filled my vision before everything went dark.

I was laying in my bed in my underclothes. My blankets were twisted around my legs and I kicked them off. I rolled onto my back and looked up at the ceiling. I had to have pushed myself too far again. That's the only thing that made sense. I linked my fingers over my stomach and grimaced as the day's events replayed themselves in my mind. I couldn't figure out what had gone so wrong. One moment we were having a normal day, I'd even made him laugh a couple times for Gods' sake. Next thing I knew Talon's back was to me and I was saying things I could never mean. Things said in pain were the ugliest. That was always true. I had said one of the things I’d promised myself I never would. I’d been cruel and unfair to the only person who’d treated me as an equal even before I had power. If I was being honest with myself, the fact that I'd so quickly pushed him away made me want to sob. Or hit something or someone, anything if it got rid of the numbness that'd spread through me. I sat up suddenly and ignored the wave of dizziness that rose up. I could fix this. I'd go to him and apologize. I'd beg him to come back and teach and smooth it all over. He couldn't say no to me if I found a way to make it better. I'd make it up to him somehow. I'd never ask personal questions again and I'd make myself be okay with always being distant from him.

That would never be something I was okay with though. It was time to admit to myself that I had developed a little crush on my teacher. Now I wanted more from him than a teacher-student relationship. That was probably never going to happen. I tried to imagine myself confessing to Talon that I cared about him. I shook my head and shuddered at the thought. I couldn't imagine Talon reacting favorably to that.

It dawned on me that that would probably make everything worse. He was right. I would've done anything to make him my teacher. I knew, if given the chance, I would have done it all the same way. There was something tethering me to Talon and I kept being drawn back to him. No matter how many times he pushed me away that unknown connection brought us back together. Did he feel it too? Is that the reason he said yes when he had every reason to say no? Is that the reason he opened his door at the right moment to save me from thieves? If it was, then why was it only happening now?

“Kal, you're awake.” My door was pushed open a couple inches and my brother moved in, approaching me like a cornered wild animal.

“I guess.” He kicked the door closed behind him and looked around. It occurred to me that I didn't know the last time my brother had been in my room. I was immediately insecure. Everything was faded and worn and a mess. It was a physical representation of my head and it felt odd having someone else in here. I rubbed my face and tried to shake off the embarrassment.

“So what's this I hear that our favorite loner and you had an argument? Lex heard the tail end.”

“He gave up on me Eon. I said one thing he didn't like and he cut me out.”

“Can I tell you something?” Eon sat on the edge of my bed, not meeting my eyes.

“Uh yeah sure.” I was confused. My brother hadn't been this casual with me since we were children. This is probably the most time we'd spent alone together since then as well.

“Lex and I have known Talon almost our entire lives. Ever since he got here. They didn't always live in The Shift. We actually used to be friends, sort of. In the way that kids are before they understand social hierarchies and classes. I'm assuming he hasn't told you much about his past?”

I barked out a rough laugh that didn't even sound like me, “Of course not. Can't let anyone get too close.”

Eon looked up at the ceiling and closed his eyes, “That could've been partly our fault. See, parents can taint innocent friendships with their own prejudice.”

“What do you mean? What did you do?”

“We used to be friends. Truly. That being said, the way we treated him and the things we did to him...I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.”

I looked at him, frowning, “You're being very vague Eon.”

“It started with teasing. Then it got worse. More aggressive. Mom and dad and Lex's parents encouraged it. It was like they egged us on and then he was alone and it got easier to be even worse. He didn't have anyone.”

“What did you do to him?”

“A lot of...awful things. I guess it reached it's peak when we were teenagers.”

“Where was I?”

Eon looked over at me with a pained expression, “I don't know. I'm not going to lie to you. For a long time Kal, you weren't important to any of us. You know better than anyone how awful this family can be when we think we're better than someone.” I looked away and felt the familiar pain wash over me. He was right. My entire life up until this point had been mostly suffering. My days were filled with my persistent need to garner my family's love and attention. I did know better than anyone.

“So what was the peak you reached then?”

Eon took a deep breath and fought with himself for a moment, “We crushed his hands. Broke them, every single tiny bone.”

I felt my stomach roll and I covered my mouth. A Magik users hands were the most important thing to them. Losing hands ended military careers and in some cases, made the users themselves end their lives. You started from ground zero. You had to relearn your gift with your non-dominant hand. If you could. And they had broken both of Talon's. I remembered how quick Talon had been to cut through Lex's arm. He easily could've removed the whole thing. He had even threatened to follow through next time. My eyes widened as I realized he even mentioned having to relearn. He'd stopped himself before that point. He'd stopped himself from doing the exact thing that my brother and Lex had done to him.

Eon rubbed his face, his eyes filled with shame, “I held him down and Lex dropped the rock. At first he dropped it but then he picked it up and started smashing.” I waved my hand to get him to stop as I felt nausea try to take me over. Eon looked away from me, his hands fidgeting in his lap.

“Why?” I choked out.

Eon turned to me and the saddest smile formed on his face, “He was kind of like you. He fell into this amazing gift and we...we were jealous.”

“That's it?” I shoved at Eon's shoulder, rage taking over, “You fucking maimed him because you were jealous?”

“I'm not telling you to make excuses. It wasn't right and I will regret it forever. You've got to realize Kalian, that having a relationship with you now has changed me. I've been forced to look at a lot of things I've done and face them. I can't claim that I was any less cruel to you. I may not have physically hurt you but that doesn't excuse the fact that I've added to your pain. For that I am sorry and I will make up for it the rest of my life if you let me.”

I sighed and let my cheek rest against his shoulder, sliding down to sit next to him on the edge of the bed, “I kept pushing at him. Every chance I got. It was selfish, but I wanted to be closer to him. I've done that my whole life. I try to do whatever I can to make the people I care about, care about me. He doesn't though. He taught me because he thought he had to.”

I almost jumped as Eon's head rested against mine and after a moment his soft voice broke the silence, “You're wrong if you think that he doesn't care about you. He wouldn't have put himself through all of this for just anyone Kal. He left The Shift for you and he did it the first day you met. I don't remember the last time he left the comfort of his dark alley.”

“It doesn't matter anymore. He left. Told me he was done with me.”

“It doesn't seem like you to give up like that.”

I pulled back and Eon gave me a small smile, “You're telling me to go after him?”

“Talon and I no longer get along, through no fault of his own, but no one can say he hasn't taught you. We've all seen it. You look totally different. You're not a string bean anymore. If you never quit before why would you now?”

I chewed my lip as he continued, “I think that you are somehow meant to be in each other's stories. The gods and goddesses have a plan for you both and I'm starting to think they want you together for it.”

“So, to The Shift?”

“To The Shift little brother.”

I wasn't originally going to post this so soon but y'all have been so kind 🥰
 
schatz-sweetheart