Be Rad - 20. Chapter 20

August 12, 1980

My body clock was completely out of whack. I slept next to Robbie all morning, as close to him as I could get. I remembered the times before this, before he went to sleep, when we could really be together. I was putting everything that I was into him right now, everything. What happens if he comes out of his coma and still doesn't want to be together? What if he tells me that he still doesn't trust me? What if he runs in terror from a commitment? I'm going to be seriously fucked up if he does that, I thought.

I left him for lunch, my stomach finally overwhelming my need to be with him. The hospital cafeteria wasn't much to get excited about though. About the best you could do is call it sustenance. I'd have to go out to dinner later, maybe next door to the mall. Or even on campus; I’d bet the campus food would be better than the hospital sludge.

I came back into the room and found that, once again, Robbie was not alone. I stood by the door looking at his parents as they stood there next to him. His mother was a mess, crying profusely. “Robbie, wake up baby,” she cried, almost a shriek. “Wake up! Wake up baby!” Frank put his arm around her shoulder but she shrugged it off. He tried again and she let him comfort her. He guided her to the small bathroom to get herself together, or at least that was my assumption.

I figured that he'd want some time alone with his parents, so as soon as they headed into the bathroom I slipped in to tell him goodbye. I guess I didn't really need to, but I took Mabel's words to heart. I convinced myself that he could hear me, feel me, that he could tell I was there. I heard the sobbing from the bathroom as I quickly sat next to him and took his hand.

“Robbie, you're parents are here, and I figured I'd let you spend some time with them, so I'm taking off for a bit. I love you so much baby, I really do. You just work on getting better. I'll be here for as long as it takes.”

“YOU!” I heard his mother scream. “YOU GET AWAY FROM MY SON! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!” Her voice was loud enough to attract attention from the hallway. I heard the padding of feet as nurses rushed to see what was going on. I turned to face her, calm and composed. Inside, my emotions broiled. Worse, I knew she was right. “YOU GET AWAY FROM HIM!”

“Calm down Brenda. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Frank said, intensely irritated.

“He caused this Frank! He made that man angry, the man that hit Robbie! I'm not going to let him near my baby.”

“That's a bunch of crap,” he shouted back at her.

“Well, you may be in love with the Cramptons, and you may be willing to sacrifice your son to a bunch of rich people, but I'm not going to.”

He glared at her. “You just crossed a whole bunch of lines.” I was surprised at how calm he was, but the rage was there, just under the surface. If it were me, I wouldn't have wanted to cross him that badly. Then he turned to me and I was momentarily nervous, until I saw his expression soften. “Brad, why don't you leave for a while, go get something to eat, rest up.”

“And don't come back!” his mother screamed.

“Brenda, shut the fuck up,” he said to her callously. She caught his look and finally calmed down. Frank could be really scary, but I got a feeling his bark was worse than his bite. Brenda didn't act like she was scared though. Not like a wife who got the shit beat out of her.

Then something extraordinary happened. It took me a minute to figure it out, to realize what was happening; I'd been so wrapped up in his hysterical mother I hadn't noticed.

“Brad, can you give us some time alone with Robbie?” Frank asked me calmly.

“I don't think I can,” I told him.

His brows furrowed and the anger appeared on his face, but I couldn't help grinning. His angry expression changed to a quizzical one. “Why not?” he demanded.

“Robbie doesn't want me to,” I said, raising my hand up, “he’s squeezing my hand.” I felt a tear fall down my cheek. I was so happy. A sign of life, a sign of consciousness.

His mother rushed over to his other side and grabbed his other hand and got absolutely no reaction. The impact on her was devastating. He gripped my hand, but didn't react to her hand at all. It was the clearest rebuke he could have given her.

“Mrs. Hayes, I've been here with Robbie since he got here. I haven't left his side longer than it takes to eat, shower, and go to the bathroom.” She raised her head and looked me in the eyes. “I love him, I love him with all my heart, and he loves me too. Please don't make me leave.” Was that a fluttering squeeze from Robbie? I was ecstatic.

I saw her mellow, saw her features return to the caring lady I'd first met in Claremont. “Alright Brad. You can stay.” And then Robbie sealed the deal by squeezing the other hand, the one that she was holding. Her tears started again, tears of happiness this time.

If I was able to keep his parents from tossing me out of his room, I was less successful with the doctors. They were excited about Robbie's reaction so they felt the need to poke and prod at him. At this rate they'd convince him not to move.

I felt an arm around me. It was Brenda Hayes. “I hope you don't hate me Brad. Robbie told me that he explained to you what happened to him back home. That's made me a bit protective.”

“It's fine Mrs. Hayes. How about if we pretend it never happened?” She smiled and I saw Frank standing behind her. He looked at her warily. “Did you two just get into town?”

“We did,” Frank said. “Brenda insisted that we come straight here.”

I saw her start to get irritated. “I don't blame her. Do you want to head up to the house and unpack?” I asked.

“Oh, we'll just stay at a hotel. We don't want to be a problem.”

I laughed. “You won't be a problem. We have a lot of room. I'm sure my parents would be offended if you stayed anywhere else.”

“That's exactly what your father said,” Frank observed.

“Besides, you can see Robbie's room” I said. They looked at me strangely when I said that, but Brenda seemed to cave. “Did you rent a car?”

“No, we just grabbed a cab,” Frank said.

“We could have picked you up. Let me make a quick phone call.” They just nodded and looked lost and confused in the hallway. I tried to put myself in their shoes and feel what they felt. The way I felt about my family, the way I was willing to go to the mat for my family, told me that I'd probably be much worse than they were. It dawned on me that it wouldn't be worse, it would be the same. Robbie was as much a part of my family as Ace or Billy.

I tracked down my father at Escorial. “Brad, how's Robbie doing?” he asked, first thing.

“Better Dad. He squeezed my hand! Frank and Brenda Hayes are here and I was hoping you could send Rafael down to pick them up.”

“We're on our way,” he said crisply. I returned to Robbie’s parents. They were still outside his room, waiting.

“What are they doing in there?” I asked.

“Got me,” said Frank. “But I'm giving them about five more minutes then I'm going in there.”

I smiled. He was really attractive, in a gruff, masculine kind of way. It was easy to see what both Brenda and JP saw in him. Robbie didn't have his rough, irascible exterior. Robbie was soft, friendly, and trusting. Well, trusting of everyone but me, I thought glumly. But he squeezed my hand! And that was something.

I pulled myself out of my internal reveries. “I called my father and he's coming down. He should be here any minute now.”

“You didn't have to tear him away to come get us,” Brenda said.

“It's the summer Mrs. Hayes. This is the time for planning and research, so he can get away when he wants. He spends most of the summer months at home. It's really no problem at all.”

“Well, Robbie said the house is big, but I hope we're not intruding.”

“Certainly not,” JP said, materializing from nowhere. He walked up to me and put his arm around me, supportively and protectively. It was a nice gesture, and got him a big smile.

“Good to see you JP,” Frank said gruffly and formally as he shook JP’s hand and gave him a “man hug,” the kind of hug where physical contact is minimized by retaining the handshake during the hug. Grand had taught us boys how to do that years ago. He said it kept people from being overly friendly. Still, I saw the twinkle in Frank's eyes as he shook JP's hand, and it almost made me giggle. Especially when I wondered how JP was going to juggle both Frank and Roger.

“What the hell is going on in there?” Frank demanded, and got up and strutted into Robbie's room.

“We're performing some tests,” one of the nurses said curtly.

“Well then I'll watch,” said Frank, with a tone that said “go fuck yourself.” He went over and sat next to Robbie while the rest of us stood in the back of the room and watched. Frank took Robbie's hand and smiled. Robbie must have squeezed it. I saw him lean in to Robbie's ear, but none of us could hear his words.

The doctor came over to talk to us, and with that Frank disengaged from Robbie long enough to hear what he had to say. “Hello Professor Crampton,” the doctor said in a friendly manner.

“These are Robbie's parents, Frank and Brenda Hayes,” JP said graciously. “This is Doctor Weintraub, Robbie's doctor.” They shook hands and greeted each other.

“From what I can tell, he's doing really well. Squeezing your hands shows he's getting his motor skills back. Did he squeeze them in response to a stimulus?”

“What do you mean?” Frank asked.

“As if he was trying to answer a question.”

“Yes,” I said.

“That's excellent. His cognitive abilities must be recovering as well. All we need to do is wait for his consciousness to return, and if I had to guess, I'd say that will be soon.” The doctor rambled on some more, throwing out medical terms and caveats to cover his ass.

They all wandered over to his bedside and stared some more. I just wanted them all to leave, to leave me alone with him so I could curl up in the bed next to him, stroke his hand, and thank him for sticking up for me.

“Well, why don't we leave Brad here to keep watch while I take you two home? That way you can settle in, and then we can return and give Brad a break.” They acceded to his idea, even though his mother looked really unhappy about it, and they all filed out.

I almost ran over to the bed and sat next to him, grabbing his hand again. He squeezed it right away. “Thanks Robbie. Thanks for telling them to let me stay.”

“I wanted you to be here with me,” he said. I gasped and looked at his eyes, wide open and gorgeous. I hugged him, and then kissed him. His lips responded enthusiastically. He broke it off. “Careful man,” he said. “I've got something in my dick and you're making me hard. Hurts like hell.” We both started laughing.

“I need to go tell the doctors you're awake.” I said, starting to get up.

“No. Stay. They'll just poke me some more. I want to just be with you.” That got him a beaming smile. “I heard what you said. All of it. I knew you were here the entire time. I even heard the deal you made with Doug to break us up,” he said. I got really worried until I saw the twinkle in those beautiful lavender eyes. “I'm sorry I've been such a dick. I really am.”

“A dick? You?” I said, teasing him.

He didn't laugh. “I'm serious. Our whole relationship, us, it really freaked me out. As happy as it made me, it scared me too. The thought of you with Lark was just unbearable. I knew it didn't mean anything to you, but it meant a lot to me.” I swallowed hard and controlled my emotions. These weren't the words of someone who wanted to be a couple. He was going to dump me after all of this.

He sensed my mood and held my hand tighter. “But you know, all of that seems like a really dumb reason not to be with the person I love.” He watched my face change from anguish to glee. “You asked me what you could do to earn my trust. Well, I think that saving my life, and staying here by my side damn near the whole time I've been in this hospital, that does it.”

“So you're saying we can be a couple? Boyfriends? Exclusive?” I asked, wanting to make sure.

“Well, since you chased Doug off I don't have a choice do I?” he teased. Then he got serious. “That's exactly what I'm saying.” I kissed him again passionately, but he stopped me again.

“What about dick pain don't you understand?” he asked. I chuckled.

“So I may end up with a rich boyfriend,” I said.

“What do you mean?”

I swallowed. “The douche bag that hit you. He's some big time insurance broker near Muskogee, Oklahoma. He got out on bail right away, but JP hired a lawyer for you and they're gonna take him to the cleaners.”

“Really? I think I'd rather see him in jail, as somebody's girlfriend.”

“Nah. Guys like that, real assholes who think they're really cool just because they've made some cash, nothing hurts more than losing that cash.”

“Well,” he said, “I don't need it because I already have a rich boyfriend. He's even got a Ferrari.”

“Is his Ferrari better than mine?” I joked. God, I was enjoying our time together, but it was not to last. A nurse came in and saw us chatting and freaked out. “He's awake.” She ran to get the doctor and I sighed.

“You're going to be busy for awhile,” I said. “Make sure they take that thing out of your dick. I promise I'll kiss it and make it all better.” He laughed at that, but it was cut short and I was bustled out by the medical team.

I headed to a phone and called Escorial. JP was on the phone almost immediately. “Brad?”

“Dad. Robbie's awake. We were talking and laughing, it's great!” There was no way I could hide my happiness. “And we're a couple again!”

I could feel his smile on the other end. “That's great Brad. All of your news is great. Frank and Brenda are settling into their room, but we'll be back down there as soon as we can.”

I busted into his room, ignoring the doctors. “Your parents are on their way back.”

“Oh good,” he said as unenthusiastically as he could.

“You aren't happy?”

“You'll have to leave,” the nurses insisted. They were adamant, so I caved, and went out in the hallway to wait until they were done.

I skipped around the halls, ecstatic. I was on cloud nine. I forced myself to calm down, to be a more stoic individual, but I lost it again when JP and Robbie's parent's came back. We were all happy, celebrating in the hall. When the doctors finally left, JP pulled me aside.

“Why don't you let them spend some time with Robbie,” he said.

I felt the struggle inside. On one hand, the overwhelming desire to see Robbie. On the other hand, the knowledge that JP was right and that he needed to spend time with his parents. “Let me just say goodbye,” I said.

I walked into the room and got a smile from him. His parents gave me less than friendly looks. “I'm going to run a couple of errands,” I told him. I grasped his hand firmly. He pulled me to him and gave me a big kiss on the lips, right in front of them. I was pretty stunned by that, and so were they, if the looks on their faces were any indicator.

“I love you,” he told me, with incredible fervor.

“I love you too,” I said with equal passion. His parents seemed to cringe, especially his mother, and I used that lull to escape as gracefully as I could. JP followed me out.

“What's that all about?” I asked him.

“I'll let Robbie tell you,” he said.

“No Dad. That's bullshit. I've been through so much these past few weeks, if you know what's going on, you need to tell me.”

He sighed. “They want Robbie to go to school somewhere else.”

“No!” I almost yelled. “They can't make him leave! We just worked things out. He made the football team at Gunn.”

“They know that, but they think that this recent incident shows he's not safe here.”

I looked at him. “You're not telling me the whole story. There's more here than you're letting on.”

“Frank wants Robbie to stay here. He knows he's happy, and he knows that he wants to stay. Brenda is the problem.”

“Why doesn't she want him to be here?” I asked.

“Part of Governor Reagan's presidential campaign includes a return to family values, or at least values as they see it. Fringe religious groups are gaining influence and new stature. It's kind of a backlash against the more free and easy era of the '70s.” I wanted to tell him that I wasn't here for a fucking history lecture, but I retained my cool. “Brenda has gotten involved with them, and she's even joined a new church in Claremont. It's that new Southern Baptist one they built out in the eastern suburbs.”

“I still don't get it.”

He sighed. “One of their key themes is that homosexuality is bad. So she has decided that you and Robbie can't be together, and that they can, what is their slogan?” He paused. “Pray the Gay Away.”

“What did Robbie say?”

JP looked guilty. “I don't know if they've told him yet. Bradley, I've broken several confidences here to tell you this. You have to wait until they break it to him before you talk about it. Promise me you'll do that?”

“I will Dad. I understand.” His honor was important, and so was his word. He was violating both for me. “So what are they going to do?”

“Brenda wants to send Robbie to a Christian high school, a private one, where they can help him ‘treat’ his homosexuality.” He held up his hand to indicate that he knew it was ridiculous. “Frank won't hear of it. So the compromise solution is for him to go to a private school back east.”

“I think that's a bunch of shit. He's old enough to make his own decisions. They can't just send him off like this.”

JP shrugged. “Well, they can until he turns 18, unless he can get a court to emancipate him. I'm hoping it won't get that far.”

“What do you think about this Dad?” I asked him.

“I think he should stay here, where he'll be happy and do his best.”

“Are you willing to help him fight to do that?” I asked.

“That's asking a lot,” he said. “Frank and I have been friends for years, and he's worked hard to get Brenda to this point.” He sighed, and I knew he was about to go even farther than he wanted to. “Their marriage is in trouble. This issue is a fault line issue. If Robbie stays, Brenda may get militant about it, trying to force him to go to that Christian school. Frank's only real recourse would be to file for divorce and seek custody.”

“I got it,” I told him, understanding the situation now. “I just don't see how they can use Robbie as a pawn in their marriage. His happiness doesn't seem to be on either of their minds.”

“Maybe not Brenda's, but it is on Frank's. He really loves Robbie. That's why this is so hard on him. He knows what Robbie wants, but he's being forced to compromise.”

“He's not being forced to compromise at all,” I said. “He's selling Robbie out to preserve his fucked-up marriage. And they're going to use that as emotional blackmail to make him do what they want.” JP didn't say anything because he knew I was right. “I would think that someone like Frank would be a little more understanding.”

“What do you mean by that?” he demanded.

“I mean that he's been fucking around with you for quite a while, so he should understand what being gay is all about.”

JP stared at me, horrified. I had shocked him so bad I could see the struggle on his face. He wanted to deny it, but he couldn't; he knew that I knew. “You cannot tell anyone about that,” he hissed.

“I have no desire to cause Frank problems, as long as he fights for Robbie and not for himself.”

“That's blackmail Bradley.”

“Yes, it is. Dad, I love him, and I'm going to do whatever I have to do to keep us together. Whatever it takes.”

He shook his head sadly. The voices in his room got louder and I made to go in there. He stopped me but I shook off his arm. By the time I got to the door I was almost mowed down as Frank and Brenda came storming out.

“I told you he's not going to that God damn Christian school so quit trying to talk him into it. You're just pissing him off,” Frank yelled.

“Do not take the Lord's name in vain Frank,” she said heatedly. “It's the best thing for him. I want what's best for our son and for some reason you don't.”

They froze when they saw me. Brenda put on that fake happy face she'd used with me before. “Brad, they've asked us to let Robbie rest. They're not letting anyone seeing him for at least a few hours. Why don't you stop by and see him tomorrow?”

“I was going to get some dinner. I'll be back after that,” I said firmly.

“We can make it a directive for the hospital, banning you,” she said.

“Brenda, we are not going to do that,” Frank said. “Brad, give him some time to rest, OK? Why don't you just come back tomorrow?”

I smiled at Frank. “Sure, I understand.” I saw the fury in her eyes, more irritated that I'd agreed to stay away for Frank but not for her. Not that I planned to stay away anyway.

I just shook my head and walked away, leaving them staring at me. These people were using Robbie as a pawn in their own lives. I felt sorry for Frank, because I knew he really wanted what was best for Robbie. Why couldn't he stand up to his wife? The more I thought about it, the more pissed off I got, until I was damn near in a rage. I looked at my watch. 5:00pm.

I headed to the Ferrari, fired it up, and fired up the roach I'd left in there, and worked to mellow myself out. I headed next door to the Stanford Fashion Plaza. I was hungry, so I went to the cafe I'd gone to with Jake, Claire, and Karen.

I was sitting there enjoying my dinner when a rowdy group of guys came bustling in. Members of the Gunn football team, and I knew all of them. They saw me and came over and sat at my table at my invitation. One of them was Cary Chase, the fucker who was messing with Billy.

“How come Robbie isn't with you?” Cary asked sarcastically.

“Because he's in the hospital asshole,” I said.

“What happened?” asked one of the other players, genuinely concerned.

“He got a concussion.”

“How did that happen?” Cary asked.

“None of your fucking business,” I said.

“What's your problem?” he asked, escalating things.

“I don't like sitting here eating with an asshole,” I said, challenging him.

“We'll leave then,” said a different guy.

“I wasn't talking about you,” I said, turning my head but still staring right at Cary.

“What did I ever do to you?” Cary asked defensively.

“You fucked with my brother. Blew him off. Cut him off from his friends.”

“No I didn't. Billy and I are friends.”

I stared at him and at the other guys, all of whom looked nervous now that he was lying through his teeth. “I'm not stupid. Don't treat me like an idiot.”

“Uh, maybe we should get going,” one of the other guys said. I didn't take my eyes off of Cary.

“You've been warned. You want to spend your high school years as an outcast, keep it up. You guys want to join him?” I asked.

“Man, we've always been cool Brad,” said one of the linebackers. His name was John Braintree. Not the most appropriate last name.

“Would you stand by while some douche bag tries to mess around with your brother?” I asked John.

“Nope, can't say that I would.”

“Well then you need to pick your friends a little better, or we won't be cool,” I said, looking at all of them. I turned back to Cary. “As for you, you should get a job to fill up your Friday and Saturday nights after school starts. You sure as fuck aren't getting invited to any parties.” He looked at me, horrified.

“I don't know what I did to Billy, but whatever it is, I'll make it cool,” Cary said. I saw his friends trying to stifle their laughs.

“You do that. You convince me, you're invited to the back to school party. You don't, you spend the next year as a social outcast. We clear?”

He hung his head down. “We're clear.”

I smiled. “Good. Now let's get some more food. What do you guys want?” They argued with me, but they were young guys, 15 and 16 years old, so food overcame scruples. I made a point to be extra nice to Cary, trying to give him leeway to save face.

I looked at my watch. 6:30pm. I paid my considerable bill at the cafe and spending money felt so good, I decided to go shopping. There was a jewelry store near the cafe so I went in to find something for Robbie, something to show him that I loved him. Something he'd have to remember me by if they took him away. I pushed that thought aside. He may be a big pussy that was under their thumb, but I wasn't. And with me around, he didn't need them for money. I was his key to getting out of this, and I was going to do it.

Rings were way too obvious and shit, we were only 17. If it was three years ago I could have bought him a cool puka shell necklace, I thought with a snaugh. I loved him so much I was picking up his habits. Men just didn't wear jewelry, with one big exception, so I found myself migrating toward the watches. The guy who worked there was a little snooty but I ignored him. I learned that the Ferrari keys were a good way to shut guys like that up, so I made like I was rooting through my pocket and pulled them out haphazardly and laid them on the counter. Just for a minute, just long enough for him to see them. After that, he got really cooperative.

I didn't want a Rolex. First of all, mechanically they're pretty shitty watches. They function great as status symbols, but that's about it. So I meandered down to the Breguets and Audemars Piguets. They were just a little too fancy for a high school guy. I finally narrowed it down and got him a really cool TAG Heuer. It was tough, athletic, and classy, all at the same time, and it cost a chunk of change. I walked out pretty happy about that. The next stop was at Macy's to look at sunglasses. I picked out a pair of Vuarnets to replace the ones he'd lost when he'd taken his swim in the bay. Armed with my presents, I headed back to the hospital.

I walked down the hallway and headed to Robbie's room. One of the nurses intercepted me. “Mr. Hayes is resting. He's not to be disturbed.”

“I promise I won't bother him for long. I just bought him a couple of presents to cheer him up.” I had caught her attention. “Let me get your opinion. Check out this watch. Do you think he'll like it?”

She held it in her hands. The price tag was still on it and she gasped. “Oh thanks, I better take that off. Thank you so much. That would have been so embarrassing.”

She smiled. “He really does need his rest.”

“Can't I just step in for a few minutes and give him this stuff. You walk the other way and pretend you didn't see me, and if anyone asks, I'll say I snuck in.”

She smiled at me, even wider. “Don't stay too long.” And with that I slipped into his room.

I headed over to the bed where Robbie was lying there, tears in his eyes. “What's wrong? What the fuck is going on?” I asked. I knew, but I had to respect my father. I had to get him to tell me first. He didn't say anything, but one of the tears rolled down his face.

I went to kiss the tear, and him, but he pushed me away. “What is it? I'm not supposed to be here, I had to sneak past the nurse. Or don't you want me to be here?”

“I'll always want you in my room,” he said.

“Then tell me what it is wrong before the nurse finds me and hauls me off,” I said, trying to bring some levity to the situation. He snaughed, then got sad again.

“I'm moving,” he said.

“Moving?”

He nodded. “My parents don't think that I should be here. They think that I'm gay because I'm here with gay people. They want me to go to some other school. They think that if I do, I won't like dick anymore.”

“What kind of bullshit is that? That doesn't sound like something your Dad would say?”

He looked pissed. “It isn't him, it's my fucking mother. She's convinced that if I go to this Christian high school I'll come out perfectly straight.”

“Do you believe that?” I asked him, just to make sure.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I love dick. Well, yours anyway.” He giggled and I blushed.

“I don't get it. You know this is bullshit, I know it's bullshit, I know my Dad knows it's bullshit, what's making them do this?”

“My mom got all involved in this church in Claremont and they've been ranting and raving about homosexuals and sin. She thinks I'm going to hell, so for her, she has to save not just my body, but my soul.”

“You've got to be kidding me.”

“Nope. That's her deal. Send me away to some Christian high school where they'll pray away my gay, as she says.”

“When are you leaving?”

“That's the big issue right now. They wanted to leave tomorrow, but the doctors won't let me fly until the day after tomorrow.”

“How bad do you want to be with me?” I asked him.

“We can't win this one,” he said.

“Don't be a fucking pussy. Answer the question.”

“It's the only thing that's important to me.”

“Then let's run away. Get away from all of these fucking assholes.”

He grinned. “That won't work. What will we live on?”

“You turn 18 in March. I can drum up enough money for us to live on comfortably until then. Maybe we'll go to Europe, or the Caribbean, who the fuck knows. Where do you want to go?”

“Brad, this isn't going to work. I can survive this place they send me to. I can make it through the next six months, and then when I'm 18, I can leave and we won't have to ruin our lives. Or theirs. My dad told me that if I didn't agree to leave, he'd have to back me up and she'd divorce him. I can't be responsible for breaking them up.”

“That's complete bullshit. You are not responsible for their marriage. If she's become this big of a Jesus freak, it's doomed anyway.”

“Maybe, but I can't be the one who fucks it up for them.”

“My life will be ruined if you leave. Do you want to be responsible for that?” I said. “You have your chance Robbie. We can be together forever. You going to throw that away for religious fanatics?” He said nothing.

“Here,” I said, handing him the bag. “At least you'll have something to remember me by.” I suppressed the tears and the anger and just walked coolly out of the hospital.