Be Rad - 29. Chapter 29

September 27, 1980

Mouse peeled himself away, finally. I looked around nervously to see if he'd made a big scene, but no one seemed to care. Claire and Jack just smiled at him. I could read Claire's expression though. She'd been nervous too. Public displays of that much affection, especially between two guys, were taboo.

“So who are you taking on this odyssey?” she asked.

“Robbie, Ace, you, Jack, Billy, Mouse, and Lark.”

“That's only seven,” she observed.

“And Stef. I want him to go too.”

She nodded. “He'll be surprised at that. And flattered.” I doubted he'd be flattered. To me it was obvious. Stef and I had a special bond, a strong bond, one that could never break. Not even at the hands of assholes like Jake.

“Ace, Lark, and Billy will be mad that they can't take dates,” Claire said. I looked at Mouse and saw a brief look of irritation cross his face. He was falling for Billy. No, he'd already fallen.

"It is my birthday," I pointed out, a bit too petulantly.

“So where are we going?” Claire asked.

“Amsterdam and Paris,” I said.

Claire really smiled then. Ace, Claire, and I had all claimed Paris as our favorite city, with the possible exception of San Francisco in my case.

Jack was visibly excited. “Why Amsterdam?” he asked.

“Because pot is legal there.” Jack got even more excited, but Mouse looked nervous.

“I don't do drugs,” he said, with a twinge of self-righteousness.

“Sucks to be you,” Jack said playfully.

“You don't have to,” I said quickly. “It's a personal choice.” He digested that, yet another thing to wrap his mind around.

September 28, 1980

I stumbled into the kitchen, up early as usual. I had a really hard time adjusting my body clock on the weekends, so I woke up at the same time as I did for school. Even after a hard night of partying or a really late night, I would wake up on schedule and then go back to sleep. Robbie thought that was completely abnormal and I tended to agree with him. I had just started to forage for food when Anna appeared and chased me away. I sat at the table, trying to get myself into a good mood after yesterday.

Ace had been a little miffed that Cass wasn't going, but he realized that it was my birthday and shook it off. Lark didn't. He was really excited when I called him, but then he called me back a few hours later and backed out. He made up some lame excuse, but I knew why. Karen was pissed that she wasn't invited, so she wouldn't let him go. She'd become more and more possessive of Lark. We hadn't been able to go surfing at all, even though the weather was still nice, because they had “plans.” Hell, we couldn't even hang out, just the two of us. It was as if she had captured him and had hauled him off to her own castle and walled him off from the rest of the world.

“You know, we never do stuff anymore, just you and me,” I had told him.

“Sure we do. I see you all the time at school.”

“Let's go surfing tomorrow.” I had thrown that out, even though it would have been tough to get away if he said yes.

I got lucky. “I can't go tomorrow.”

“Why?” I had asked belligerently.

“I got plans.”

“With who?”

“None of your fucking business,” he said, irritated. I knew Lark. He was cornered; he knew I was right, so he was going aggressive.

“Fine, Lark. When you're done being pussy-whipped and you want to hang out, give me a call.” And I'd hung up. Normally when I did that I'd feel bad for being so immature, but not this time. He had blown me off, so I was doing the same thing. I knew that we'd “make up” in school on Monday, but it still wouldn't be the same. This was the second time he'd just danced out of my life and seemed totally fine with it. And the first time that Lark had become just a friend, not my best friend.

I shook the memory of that irritating phone call from my head at the same time Roger walked in. He always made me smile. “You spent the night again?” I asked him.

“Hell yeah. Even got laid,” he said. I cracked up. I never thought I'd have so much fun, and be so cool with talking about JP's sex life. “Damn he's an animal.”

“That's funny, I've heard Stef say the same thing about you,” I said playfully, then changed my tone. “You and Stef used to be a couple, but now you're friends with both him and Greg. How did that happen?”

He looked thoughtful. “Well, Stefan has a way with people. He and I finally understood each other, and we repaired our friendship. Then when I saw him with Greg, it was obvious how great they were together, and I knew that I would never want to bust them up. I think Greg sensed that, and he is an amazingly cool guy, so he and I became buds.”

“And it's all platonic?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

“Nothing is ever platonic where Stef is involved,” he joked.

“What happened to you two?” I saw his face drop a bit. “I'm sorry Roger, I didn't mean to pry. It's just that you're an awesome guy and so is Stef. I can't believe you didn't work out.”

“You think I'm an awesome guy huh?” he asked me, changing the subject, and flirting shamelessly.

“Yeah. That's how I found out JP liked you. I asked him if I could stop by the winery and visit.”

“Damn. Now there's a fantasy.” I giggled like a girl, and an idiot. “What did he say?”

“He told me it wasn't the best idea.” Roger snaughed, the same gesture Robbie did, which took me aback a little bit.

“You finished eating?” he asked, looking at my empty plate.

“For now,” I said.

“Let's go for a walk.” He led me outside and down the trail that had formed mostly from horse riding. I wondered if he was going to try and fuck me. I wondered if he did if I'd stop him. I relaxed. Our relationship wasn't like that, from either one of our perspectives. Still, the idea was intensely erotic.

“I really like your dad,” he told me. “I don't know why I feel like I can open up to you, trust you. Maybe it's because I've known you for so many years, and I've seen you grow up into a really cool man.” I put my arm around his shoulder in an affectionate gesture, to tell him that I liked him and to thank him for the ego boost. “I haven't felt this way about anyone since Stefan.”

“I thought you were in love with Stefan?” I asked.

“I was. And Stef was amazing. I was the one who totally fucked up our relationship.” I could tell that he had regrets, but not the kind of regret that you went back and fixed by getting the person back, the kind of regret that, well, you just regretted.

“I had an older brother who used to fuck me.” He said that, and then paused. I sensed there was more and just waited. “He did it all through my childhood, and even when I was an adult. It was really demeaning, really horrible, but at the same time I really liked it.” Another pause. I thought of Robbie and what he'd put up with from his cousins. This guy had dealt with that kind of sexual abuse throughout his entire young life. “Until I came. Then I felt shitty. I felt horrible. Then I'd get to the point where I would crave it again. After a while when he wasn't around, I'd find other guys to fuck me. The nastier and grungier the guy, the more humiliating it was for me, and the more it turned me on. Then I'd feel progressively worse afterward, and reduce my self-esteem even more.”

“Wow. It's hard to visualize that, looking at you.”

He grinned at me. “Thanks. I've worked a long time to get over that, and to get rid of those demons. Stef tried to help me, but I couldn't beat it. He got sick of me letting everyone fuck me, but he really couldn't forgive me when I ignored him to do it.”

“So how did you beat it?”

“Lot's of counseling. It took me a while to learn to like myself. And when I was finally together, when I was finally able to approach sex in a healthy way, I'd already lost Stef.”

“But you found my father, and now you're falling in love with him,” I said as a statement.

He looked at me, started to argue, but yielded to the inevitable and just nodded.

“It's pretty obvious Roger. You're here all the time. You do stuff for him like Jack does for Claire. You treat him like a God, put him on a pedestal.” He gave me a sideways, almost a dirty look. “He likes that.” He snaughed.

“Yeah, but I don't think he feels the same way about me.”

“How would you know?” I teased. “He's very closed. He's got these really strong shields, and they only break down once in a while. When they break down while you're not fucking him, and he lets you in, that's how you'll know he loves you.”

“I heard about your new house guest,” he said.

“Just don't call him that. He's really uptight, and I keep trying to convince him he's part of the family. Claire even took him shopping.” He snaughed.

“She doesn't try to take me shopping,” he said, feigning offense, and then saw the mischievous look on my face. “Oh no you don't. Do not sick the fashionista on me.”

We'd wandered our way back to the house and back to the kitchen, where we found JP looking agitated. Tonto was there too, reading her paper.

“I wondered where you went,” JP said, trying to hide his irritation but not quite pulling it off.

I hung on Roger, one arm around his shoulders, another hand on his chest real close to his nipple. “Roger and I went for a walk and he was teaching me how to be a better lover.”

“That's not funny Brad,” JP snapped.

Tonto looked up from her paper. “Ha. That was.” JP blushed and got pissed off all at the same time. I looked at Roger. “I think you just got the answer to your question.”

“What question?” JP demanded, furious at all three of us.

“Oh JP, don't get your panties in a wad,” Tonto said, using an expression none of us expected. Roger and I started laughing so hard I almost fell on the floor. “It's obvious that you like this guy. Who wouldn’t? He's a hunk.”

“Thanks, Tonto,” Roger said, flirting.

“Humph,” she said, and went back to reading the paper.

“What question?” JP demanded again, although he was less furious now that Tonto had called him on it.

“Roger and I went for a walk and we were talking about you,” I said. “He told me that he was falling in love with you, but I told him not to, because he could do much better.” Roger glared at me. Tonto looked at me with a twinkle in her eye. She loved this kind of drama almost as much as Stef.

“That's still not a question,” JP asked as he looked over at Roger.

“He was wondering if you felt the same way,” I said.

“Well why doesn't he just ask me?” JP said. The conversation was between them. I was just an intermediary.

Well, Tonto and I. “Because you hide your feeling behind a wall and you're frostier than a witch’s tit in December,” she said. JP ignored her and walked up to Roger and put his arms around him and pulled his head down to kiss him.

“So JP,” Roger said, “you falling in love with me too?” Tonto and I stared at the romantic vignette in front of us. Her eyes were watering.

“Maybe,” he teased, getting us all back. Then he kissed Roger again, this time with a lot of passion. He looked at Roger with a big twinkle in his eye. He was being playful. “No. I'm not falling in love with you.” Roger looked crushed. “I'm already there.”

Tonto and I both had tears running down our faces like romantic idiots. Roger got a big grin and grabbed JP, picking him up off the floor and throwing him over his shoulder. “I'm gonna make you prove it to me,” he said as he carried him back to their bedroom.

“That's why I get up early. If you don't, you miss out on all the action,” Tonto said. I smiled and kissed her on the cheek and headed back to bed.

Robbie was on his back, snoring peacefully. I tiptoed in and stripped off all of my clothes and sat on the bed, admiring him. I sucked on his nipple but he pushed me away and grumbled. Then I moved down and took his semi-hard dick in my mouth. He didn't push me away this time. I really worked him, throwing everything I had into this blow job. I felt his hand on my chin; he pulled me up and our lips met. I was so wound up from that romantic scene, and so in love with him, I was crazed.

“What's with you this morning?” he asked with a smile.

“I love you so much it hurts,” I said, looking him straight in the eye. His smile faded and was replaced by a look of deep caring.

“I love you too baby,” he said. “More than anything, or anyone.”

“Show me,” I ordered. He sensed my mood and took control. Then I was on my back and he was on top of me, all of his weight, all of his muscle holding me down, pushing me down. I moaned and grabbed his head, moving his mouth down to my neck where I could feel his pants and groans on my skin. Then he entered me and I felt the earth move. The whole experience was one of completely intoxicating bliss. And when I came, it was so intense that I couldn't move for a long time afterward. I knew that if I walked into JP's room he'd be feeling exactly the same way, and that put a huge smile on my face.

“Fuck!” Mouse said as he went through the three boxes of stuff they'd brought over. “It's not in here.”

“What?” I asked.

“My passport. It's not in here?”

“Do you remember where you put it?” I asked.

He nodded. “There's a space in my headboard, a small space behind it, where I put personal things.”

“Like jerk-off magazines?” Robbie teased. I giggled and Mouse blushed.

“Like my passport, asshole,” Mouse said. I raised my eyebrows, happy that he was feeling grounded enough to give Robbie some shit.

“How were they supposed to find that?” I asked him. To me it was obvious. It must still be there. “We'll have to go get it.”

“I don't want to go back there,” he said. I nodded. I could see that.

“You want me to go get it for you?”

Both he and Robbie looked at me, concerned. “It's a police crime scene. No one is supposed to go there,” Robbie said.

I rolled my eyes. “If we don't break the rules, Mouse can't go with us. So we either go to East Palo Alto and find it and he goes to Paris, or he stays home and we have to take Ace's girlfriend with us instead.” We all liked Cass but she talked. A lot.

“If you're going, I'll go too,” Mouse said.

“Hey, this may not be a good idea,” I told him. “You're not ready for this.”

He steeled himself with resolve. “Yes I am.” I looked at Robbie and he shrugged. We took the Jeep because it wouldn't look so out of place in East Palo Alto. That and it had room for all three of us.

We pulled up to a rundown house, probably built in the '40s. It had that look, that shotgun type of floor plan. Mouse swallowed hard as he climbed the steps and put the key in. We walked under the police tape and he led us through the front room. There were empty beer cans on the floor, and an empty bottle of vodka on the old black and white television. The place reeked of cigarettes. There were butts everywhere. He headed to the back of the house to a small room. There was no furniture in there except a simple twin bed with dirty sheets and a single blanket. The sheets still had stains on them. Stains from where his stepfather had fucked him. Mouse touched one of the stains and a tear rolled down his face. He moved his hand toward another of the stains.

“Don't Mouse. Don't touch anything, OK?” He looked at me and nodded. Mouse reached behind his headboard and rummaged through the back. He got a big smile on his face and pulled out his passport and stuffed it in his pocket. We were about to leave when he got an even bigger grin on his face and rummaged some more and pulled out a magazine. “Honcho,” it said. Gay porn.

He tossed it to Robbie and said “enjoy”. We pretty much dashed out of there, got in the Jeep, and drove away. I saw Mouse looking at the house as it faded away behind us. “Good riddance,” he muttered.

“Let's swing by Macy's. There's something I want to pick up.”

“I really want to get home,” Mouse said.

“It won't take long,” I said.

“I really want to get home,” he repeated. He had a really strange look on his face. The visit to his old house had really fucked him up. I hoped it was worth it to have him on our trip. I nodded to Robbie and he shrugged and headed home.

“I want to put my passport away where it will be safe,” Mouse said, lying. When we got back he damn near tore through the house to his room. Robbie and I headed back to our room to kick back. It was close to dinner.

I felt his hand brush my ass as we walked in. “You feel like an appetizer?” he asked me in his slutty voice. I licked my lips back at him being equally slutty. I don't know what it was about Mouse's house, but the aura there had put me in a kinky mood. We had just finished stripping when there was an urgent knock at the door.

I opened it to find Mouse there, really really agitated. I shrugged and let him come in, even though we were both stark naked and well on our way to getting hard. “Where's Billy?” he asked urgently.

“He's out with some friends. He should be home soon.”

He broke down and started crying. “I need him now. I need him to love me.” Robbie looked at me, concerned. I raised my right eyebrow. We were so in tune with each other, he understood the unspoken question. He smiled slightly and nodded.

“You wanted him to fuck you like your stepfather did,” I said.

“Yeah. I need him to fuck me. He made me feel so good last night,” Mouse said wistfully. I grappled with this situation in my mind. I'm no shrink. Was it a good idea to continue his twisted need to be fucked when he wanted love? Or should we refuse?

He looked up at me. My hard cock was at his eye level. He reached out and touched it gently, making me moan. Robbie moved up behind me to be supportive, and wrapped his arms around me. I could feel his hard dick poking me in the ass.

“I want you to fuck me, Brad. This is the biggest dick I've ever seen. I want you to fuck me with it.” Mouse looked up at me with a really slutty expression. It slipped right into my kinky mood. He licked the tip gently, making me moan, while he all but ripped his clothes off. Robbie left me for a few seconds and I missed him, felt adrift, but he was back in no time with the lube.

“Come on Brad, fuck him. Give him what he wants.” I wondered if Robbie was channeling the guys that had fucked him. He grabbed Mouse forcefully and planted a hard, penetrating kiss on him. Mouse stared at him breathless as Robbie pushed him on the bed, down on all fours. He lubed up his dick and lubed Mouse's hole, being firm yet gentle. Mouse groaned.

“I'm gonna warm you up Mouse, then Brad is gonna fuck you with his huge dick,” he said. His aggressive voice turned me on like crazy. I stood in front of Mouse and grabbed his hair roughly, pulling his head up and forcing my dick in. He took it, took as much as he could. I saw Robbie line himself up and then just ram his dick in. I heard Mouse gasp and then he returned to working my dick. Robbie wasn't being gentle, he was just pounding him. He slammed into him over and over again. I pulled out and went over to Robbie, and stood behind him, wrapping my arms around him, letting my shaft rub against his hole. He moaned and leaned back into me. His mouth was next to my ear.

“Fuck him like this Brad. This is what he needs. Fuck him like this,” he murmured in my ear. And then he exploded. I was really nervous that he was getting into this way too much, but I knew him too well by now, I could read him, and this orgasm was nothing compared to the ones that we experienced together.

He pulled out of Mouse abruptly, the cum dripping out of his ass as he did. The thought of fucking Mouse after Robbie did, of his load acting as lubricant, really sent my hormones on fire. “Roll over,” he ordered Mouse callously, and then pushed him onto his side and his back.

I looked into Mouse's eyes. I didn't recognize them. It was as if they were completely detached from the Mouse that I knew. They were pleading with me, begging me to fuck him. I ran my finger down his chest, almost the chest of a boy, to his small patch of pubes, and then grabbed his legs, pushing them back. His dick was hard as a rock and leaking, which didn't surprise me considering how much pounding his prostate had taken. Robbie looked at me, willing me to fuck Mouse like he wanted.

“You ready Mouse. You ready to take my big dick?” I asked, turning myself on with my words. I pushed it against his hole. “I don't think you can take it,” I said, and pulled away.

“No!” he yelled. “Fuck me. Come on. Fuck me!” I pushed in a little, felt him stretch, watched his eyes bulge, and then pulled out.

“You don't want it enough,” I said, taunting him.

“Please,” he begged. “Please.” I smiled at Robbie briefly and thrust into him, all in one movement.

“Aaaaaah!” he yelled. He looked uncomfortable, unhappy, and then he clicked with me. He got a big smile on his face. I didn't expect that. Neither did Robbie.

I started to slowly fuck him, not hard like Robbie had done, but slowly, lovingly. He really started moaning now, responding to me. He had such a tight little ass, so tight. God he felt good. Soon I was the one that was overcome with lust, and I just started pounding him. Robbie was behind me now.

“God you're amazing Brad. I love you so much,” he whispered in my ear. I leaned my head back into him and felt him nuzzle my neck while I really slammed into Mouse. I was oblivious to Mouse; he was just a hole now. I was making love to Robbie. We kissed, then he nuzzled me some more. One of his hands caressed my chest, gently tweaking my nipples, while I saw another move down to Mouse's dick, gently stroking him.

“Aaaaaah. Aaaaaah!” Mouse screamed, and then he erupted. Robbie moved up next to me to stroke him, deliberately milking him for as long as he could. I continued to fuck him, the feel of his little ass as it contracted and spasmed with his orgasm was almost enough to send me over the edge.

Robbie pushed me out of him and lay down next to Mouse on the bed. “My turn,” he said. I smiled and moved up behind him. Mouse lay there quivering, but Robbie pulled him into him and hugged him. He kissed Mouse’s forehead, and rubbed his back while I entered him. I saw Robbie's eyes bulge and smile at me. I couldn’t last long. After a few thrusts I moaned really loud.

“Come on baby, fill me up,” Robbie said. Mouse turned and looked up at me, smiling. They were so cute. I started to blast and watched Robbie make that “O” shape with his mouth that I just loved. I felt wave after wave of ecstasy flow over me. When I was spent, I collapsed on the bed next to Robbie, with Mouse across from me.

Mouse looked at me, really nervous. “I'm really sorry about that. But thanks. You guys were amazing.”

That stroke to our male egos got grins from both of us. “I'm worried that we hurt you more than helped you.”

“No. Your dad said I have to start counseling soon. When I get that feeling, like I did when I was in the house, where I just need to get fucked, if I don't, it gets a little scary.”

“What happens?” He looked embarrassed.

“Not all of the cigarette burns were from my mom.”

I reached out and ran my hand through his hair. “You mean you burn yourself while you jack off?” He nodded. “Counseling starts right away. I'll make sure. But you don't burn yourself. Instead, find one of us to fuck you. It's a tough job, but we'll trudge through it.”

Mouse stayed with us for another 15 minutes and then scurried off to his room to get ready for dinner. “Are you OK?” I asked Robbie.

“You mean am I OK, acting out the part of the bastards that fucked me?” I nodded. “You're worried that this fucked up little dude will fuck me up too?” I nodded again.

“Won't happen. You know why?” He looked at me, forcing a connection with our eyes. “Because I have you. You are all I need. Anything else is just exercise.” I kissed him gently, then passionately, and led him to the shower. “You got any energy left?” I asked with a leer.