Be Rad - 23. Chapter 23

August 15, 1980

It was 10:03 am when I heard a loud knock on the door. I moaned and got out of bed, grabbing one of the complimentary robes that were in the room. Just as I suspected, it was Stefan, but the bigger surprise was that Greg was there too. I gave them both big hugs.

“Nice room,” Greg said, smiling at me. Stef gave Robbie a quick greeting but then rushed over to Jake, fawning all over him. “We flew into SFO, so you'll probably want to drive down there and park your car. I was thinking that maybe you and I could drive together, and Stef could take Robbie and Jake.”

He wanted to talk to me about something. “That's cool. I don't get to spend enough time with you anyway,” I told him and gave him another big hug. Greg was the kind of guy that it was hard to get to know, but once you did, once you got through, he was the best guy in the whole world. And there was something about his hugs that were awkward and uncomfortable, yet at the same time so reassuring.

Stef bustled around, helping us get our things together. I pulled Robbie aside. “Greg said he'd ride with me in the Ferrari while you go in the limo with Stef and Jake.”

“But I want to be with you,” he said, whining.

“I know. I want to be with you too. But we'll have time in the plane. I think Greg wants to talk to me.” Robbie nodded, and then we kissed. I felt myself melting into him and thought about how that used to scare the shit out of me, but now it just felt nice.

The valet brought the Ferrari around. Driving it from the garage to the front was probably his thrill for the day. Greg and I hopped in and took off. “So what did you want to talk to me about?”

“Jake. Stef's going to help him out, there's nothing either one of us can do about it, but I want to make sure you're OK with it.”

“To be honest, it worries me.” I down shifted to get some extra torque for the 101 on-ramp. A good time for a pause. “He's a predator. He likes to fuck around with other guys boyfriends.”

“You worried that he'll do to Stef and me what he did to JP and Sam?”

“Yeah. I mean, I don't want to hurt your feelings Greg,” I hurriedly added. “I know you guys are in love, and you have a strong relationship. But you two have always been my gay role models, my idols on how things should be. I don't want to bring anything or anyone new into the mix to fuck that up.”

“Well that's a lot of pressure,” he said joking. “Don't worry about it Brad. We'll be OK. Armand is much cuter than Jake, so if we can handle him, we can handle anything.”

“It's not about cuteness; it's about being a predator.”

He looked at me thoughtfully. “Thanks for the heads-up.” I gave him a big smile. He got it. He understood. Now he could watch out for Jake's tricks.

“It looks like we're all going to lose our connection with Sam now that he and Dad broke up. That really bums me out, because Sam's been a part of my life for a long time now. But I don't care about him nearly as much as I care about you. If you guys take this risk and Jake fucks up your life, promise me we'll still be tight,” I said. I was sincere, and he knew it. A tear trickled down his face, and that made my eyes water up too.

“I love you too Brad. You're like the son that Stef and I never had. Although God knows we keep trying to conceive.” That really made me laugh. “That's the other part of this.”

“What?” I didn't know what he was talking about.

“Stef will probably fawn all over Jake. Don't get jealous. No one could ever replace you in our hearts.” I nodded as I thought about what he said. I never thought about getting jealous, but I guess it could happen. I found myself wishing I'd left Jake's scrawny ass in the City.

“You'll get to see my new toy when we get home,” he said, cleverly changing the subject.

“Did you get a new car?” Greg usually drove a Rolls Royce Convertible.

“Nope. A boat. A big fucking boat. Stef was pissed off until I let him decorate it. That and I reminded him that if he could have a plane, I could have a boat.”

“Cool. I'm usually in the water, not on it.”

“Well you'll have to try it. Maybe we can sail to Hawaii or something.”

“It goes that far? In the ocean?”

“I told you it's a big fucking boat,” he joked. “Conspicuous consumption is the in thing, so it's good for business.”

“Bullshit. You just wanted a boat,” I told him, smiling.

“Yeah, but I'm smart enough to think of reasons to justify it.” We rolled up to the airport and the general aviation terminal. I headed into the terminal building, where I found an efficient looking guy at the counter. “I'm going out of town for awhile and I wanted to ask you a favor.”

“Certainly sir.”

“I'd like you to store my car inside.” I could see the struggle on his face. “I really don't want it to get messed up.”

“Is it big?” he asked. I led him out to the Ferrari and he got a huge smile. All guys got big smiles when they saw it. “I think we can take care of it for you. Maybe drive it around the taxi ramp a bit.”

I smiled and tossed him the keys. “Have a blast.” And then we were in the plane. The bathroom was in the back. I eyed it with a smile, thinking that I'd have to get Robbie in there and christen him into the mile high club. The door was closed though, which was unusual. We buckled in and taxied out, all of our nerves on edge. I was worried that somehow Robbie's parents would figure out a way to fuck things up for us. I felt relieved when the wheels left the runway and we were in the air, as if we'd made good our escape. I felt a hand on my shoulder, a familiar hand, and turned around to see JP looking down at me. The sneaky fucker must have been hiding in the bathroom. No wonder the door was closed.

I jumped up and hugged him, clung to him. I felt the connection between us, the reaction, as if the hug recharged both of us, making us both stronger. Robbie looked up at us and at first his reaction was one of shock, and maybe a little fear, and then he smiled and hugged JP too. I noticed his posture change and his body freeze up and looked beyond JP's shoulder to see Frank standing behind him.

JP joined me and sat in the seat across from me while all of us were quiet, and all of us just stared at Robbie and Frank. Robbie looked at him and just stood there frozen. Then Frank took a step forward and grabbed him up in a huge hug. I saw Robbie's eyes start flowing as he just started crying. It was a touching moment, but I was getting sick and tired of all this fucking crying. I knew that Frank was a huge part of his life, and a huge anchor. Only now, when I saw him reconnecting with his father, did I realize how strong that commitment was.

I pondered that. He must really love me to defy his father and risk losing his love. They hugged for the longest time until some turbulence almost knocked them down.

“I love you dad,” Robbie said.

“I love you too son,” Frank replied. Such trite words, often overused, yet hearing them say them so sincerely, it made them seem so unique and so special.

Frank held out his hand to shake mine, but as soon as I shook back he tightened his grip and yanked me up out of the seat and into his arms for a big hug too. “I should kill you for grabbing my son and running away with him,” he said. “He must really love you. Promise me you won't hurt him.”

“I won't,” I said. There was a lot of info in that statement. The implication was that we'd be together, Robbie and I. I felt my mood move from happiness to elation.

There was only one more drama left to unfold, one more confrontation. Jake sat up front looking out the window. I felt sorry for him. He was up there all alone, hurt and scared. JP was someone that deserved respect, and if you crossed him, he should inspire fear. But JP was raised by the classiest lady in the country, and his wife came in second in that category; his social skills were unparalleled. He moved up front and sat next to Jake. We were all quiet to obviously eavesdrop.

“Are you OK?” JP asked.

“I think so. I hurt all over, but I don't think anything is broken.”

JP just looked at him. I sat there hoping to God they didn't hug each other and start crying. I felt like I was with a bunch of fucking cheerleaders. He didn't do that. “The last time we talked, you promised me you wouldn't be a home wrecker.”

Jake blanched at JP's directness. “But you and Sam broke up and...”

“I wasn't talking about Sam. I was talking about Brad and Robbie.” Jake hung his head in shame. I'll say this for him, he sure knew how to play this off right; he was doing exactly what JP wanted him to do.

“I fucked up.”

“And how many more people in my family are going to have to pay for your fuck-ups?” JP asked.

“JP, he's just a boy,” Stefan intervened.

“Stefan, this conversation is between Jake and me,” JP said rudely. I'd rarely seen him so directly tell Stefan to, in effect, fuck off. Stef got the hint.

“If you don't want me around, just say so, and I'll leave.” That was a good move on Jake's part. I felt like I was watching a boxing match.

“If I didn't want you around, you wouldn't be around. Stefan is willing to help you out, and Greg will probably put up with it, and Robbie and Brad are more than likely willing to let you be their friend. But if I didn't want you around, you wouldn't be. I can guarantee you that my relationship with them trumps yours.” JP was eying Stefan as he said this, asserting his control. JP was the de-facto head of the family. Our family's French culture, of a family-oriented life with a dominant leader, had managed to survive a transatlantic transplant as well as a generation or two.

“So what do you want from me?”

“I want you to think about the consequences of your actions before you bend over for every guy that comes along. I want you to learn what it means to be a friend. I want you to stop taking advantage of people who try to help you. You've been a big asshole. Personally, I don't think you deserve another chance. But there are people in my family who think you do, so I'm willing to give you one more shot. Know this. You are playing with fire if you do this again. Even if you start running now, you won't get far enough to save yourself.”

All of us understood how dangerous those words were. The smart thing for Jake to do was to just take off when we got to LA. If he stuck around and fucked up, his life wasn't worth a shit. Not that JP would kill him or anything. I couldn't see him doing that. But Jake would have a tough go of it, and he sure as hell wouldn't be part of our lives. Jake looked at him, eyeball to eyeball. I knew what JP's eyes looked like when he was in this mode. They were cold and scary. Looking at them took a lot of courage on Jake's part. “Thank you. I'll try not to betray your trust.”

“See that you don't,” JP said. Then he tousled Jake's hair and smiled at him. All of JP's gestures and expressions fascinated me. This one, for example. It simultaneously delineated Jake as a kid and thus one who was “inferior” in status, but also indicated that the lecture was over and the real work was starting. Stefan gave him a less-than-approving look, but he was the only one.

“Did Mom go back to Ohio?” Robbie asked his father.

“I don't know. I don't know what she's doing.”

“I'm sorry Dad. I can't believe I ruined my own parents' marriage.”

Frank looked at him severely. “I'm sorry if you think you did. Your situation was just one of our problems Robbie. The death blow was when she joined that church. I knew then that I could never tolerate her bigoted views. But it's hard to end it with someone you've been with for a really long time.”

I saw JP cringe at that. Like him and Sam. “So what happens to us now Dad?”

Frank smiled. “Well, I've got some vacation time piled up so I'm taking it. We're going to spend the next week cruising around in Greg's new boat. Three couples.”

“I cannot leave Jake home all alone,” Stefan said. Before the rest of us killed him, Jake spoke up.

“Actually, it would be nice to be in a safe place and to have some time alone. Please.” Stef nodded. I think Jake realized that this was just the kind of thing that would piss everyone off, including Greg.

“If you're sure then,” Stef said, trying to play it off like he was just being a good host. No one bought it.

“And after our cruise? I won't go to Jesus school. I'm staying in Palo Alto with Brad,” Robbie said firmly.

“Yes you are,” said JP. My hero. “We'll make sure that you can do it without running away.”

“Your mother has made sending you to 'Jesus school' as you say,” Frank snaughed (did all Hayes men do that?), “her prime mission. I know her. She'll wear down. By the time we get back, I bet she'll be back in Ohio.”

I'd been so engrossed in our conversation that I was surprised when the plane touched down. There was a limo waiting, of course, to whisk us off to Malibu. It seemed like it took forever to get there. Then of course there was the unpacking and unloading to do, and there was a tour of the house for Robbie, Jake and Frank. And then finally I was alone in my room with my boyfriend, our mouths locked together, our bodies moved together, and we brought each other to a mutual orgasm that was all about love. It was awesome.

August 16, 1980

“I feel bad leaving Jake there all by himself,” Stef said in the limo. He'd been doing this shit all night and all morning, even though Alice was there and she'd taken Jake under her wing, and even though Jake seemed great with it.

I never got mad at Stef. I never raised my voice or lost my temper with him. That's why, as it happened, I tried so hard to stop it, but I couldn't. I felt like there were snaps keeping my emotions under control, and that statement started popping them and there was no holding them back.

“God Damn it, I'm so sick of this bullshit about Jake. Turn the fucking limo around. I'm out of here. All week you're going to do this, whine about this kid who's a little shit and has done nothing but cause us pain. What the fuck is your deal?” Everyone stared at me, especially Stef. If I had punched him, he would have been less upset. “You are telling us all loud and clear that he is more important to you than any of us, all of us, in this car. So I'm done. Take me home.”

“Brad, there's no reason to be rude to Stef, especially after all he's done for you,” JP said. I glared at Stef, waiting for him to say something.

“I agree,” said Greg. “Let's please keep our conversations civil.” Stef actually looked at me with a smarmy expression on his face, as if to gloat over the fact that I was so out of line.

We all just glared at each other, letting the tension ebb, letting tempers subside. I reconnected my eyes to Stef. “Stef, I love you, you know that. I'm sorry I yelled at you. JP and Greg were right to bitch at me for being rude.” He waited for the 'but' that he knew was coming. “But no one is arguing with what I said. So if you can't be with us and be happy, I don't want to go.”

Stef is a smart guy, but I think that had escaped him. He looked at Greg and JP, and he could tell that I was right. He swallowed hard, probably realizing how far he had pushed this issue with Jake. Too far. “I'm sorry. I feel like I have to help him.”

“Why?” I demanded, but not in an unfriendly way.

“Because he is like I was when I was 16. Because when I look at him, I see myself.”

“Then you are blind,” JP said. “You were never like him.”

“You do not know. You did not know me when I lived in France.” Stef was defiant.

“I knew you when you were 16. You were a flawed person then, just like now,” JP said, teasing and lightening up the mood, “but you never showed his mercenary disregard for others. You have always had a conscience. I don't believe he does.”

Stefan thought about that. “I am sorry. We will board our big new boat, and I will avoid thinking about Jake and I certainly will not talk about him while we are on our trip. I will probably be too seasick to do anything anyway.” We laughed at his joke, not so much because it was funny, but because it ended this ugly confrontation.

The limo pulled up to the boat. Boat. It wasn't a boat. It was a ship. A big ship. We bustled aboard, excited. There were three separate cabins, one for each couple, an area that would be the equivalent of a family room, and a dining room. There must be a whole staff here, in the bowels of the boat. It was amazing. Absolutely amazing. We all basically just scurried around; looking at the living space, and then the Captain took us on a tour of the crew areas.

There was a cook, a Captain, and two “deckhands.” All of them hunky guys. “Did you hire the crew?” I asked Stefan. He giggled. An innocent interaction between us that helped us put our fight behind us. I put my arm around him affectionately.

We all decided that we'd call it “the yacht,” since it wasn't a boat, and ship just sounded too extreme. The yacht cast off less than an hour after we boarded and headed out to sea. It was a beautiful day, a gorgeous day, so we all ended up out on the deck, watching the harbor pass by and watching LA fade from our view.

Stefan moved up beside me on the rail, and Robbie diplomatically walked over to talk to his father. “I am sorry that I was so obsessive with Jake. I think I was just dealing with the demons in my past.”

“Remember when we were in Paris and we met that woman and her son, the one that lived in your old apartment.” He nodded. “You have done a lot to exorcise them already. Jake isn't like you. He's dangerous. He's not worth the risk to your marriage.”

Stef thought about that. “Nothing is worth risking Greg.”

“He is nervous, just like the rest of us.”

“He has said nothing to me,” Stef said.

I smiled. “I have grown up living with JP. I have become astute at reading non-verbal communication.”

“I suppose that would do it,” he said, laughing at the concept and at my exaggerated use of big words.

“You've always told me that I was like a son to you. When I see you like this with Jake, I wonder if I've disappointed you.”

“That's nonsense. Do I not show you how much I love you? Give you whatever you want. Am I not always there for you?” He was clearly offended.

“You've done everything for me. Everything. I just feel bad, like maybe I'm not around enough, or I don't pay enough attention to you, or call you enough.” I knew this had to sound absolutely ridiculous. But I was digging into the core of my insecurities.

“Now Bradley, if I did not think of you as a son I would have taken you to bed that night as soon as I knew how well equipped you are.” I stared at him and then it dawned on me that he was joking and I just cracked up. “Seriously, after Greg you are the most important person in my life. Nothing will change that.” He looked around. “Now let us enjoy ourselves. I am going to find some snacks to see if I put something in my stomach, if it will perhaps stay there.”

“Wait,” I told him and held up my finger. He smiled and held his up too and we pressed them together. This was our own little personal gesture, a symbol of the days back when I was a kid and Stef made me his “blood brother.” To me, and to him too I assumed, it was much more powerful than saying “I love you.” I saw his eyes water and mine did too. “Now we have to stop all of this emotional stuff. I'm sick and tired of crying.” He giggled and ran off to find some food.

We had a huge dinner, a great dinner. Greg told us that we were heading to Cabo San Lucas, and that tonight we'd be passing through a bit of rough water. “You sure we're not going to end up on Gilligan's Island?” Robbie had asked him. The yacht was so big we had no worries, but it was fun joking about it. Frank was convinced that if we sank, it would be from a Soviet torpedo.

After dinner we all hung out and just did our own thing. Stef, Robbie and I played Scrabble, which was hilarious because Stef kept trying to use French words or obscenities. The most memorable comment was from Robbie again: “No Stef, 'rimjob' is not a word.”

So now, here we were, finally alone in our cabin, finally naked, and finally in bed. I pushed Robbie over onto his stomach and entered him carefully. The waves had gotten up and the motion had significantly increased. I smiled and worked with it. As the bow of the yacht rose up I pushed into him penetrating him with the same rhythm as the boat. When the boat steadied at the top of the crest I was still, just lying on top of him with my dick buried in his ass. The bow would then start to fall and I would pull out at the same time.

Normally I blew pretty quickly, at least the first time, as did Robbie. Shit, we're 17. But not this time. We just fucked like this for what seemed like hours, the slow movement of the yacht seemed designed to purposely keep us on edge. Finally Robbie could stand no more, and he started thrusting his ass into me and got out of the boat rhythm. I picked up my pace and just pounded him then, hard, fast, and rough. I was sure that everyone could hear us screaming and moaning, but I didn't give a shit. When I blew it was like a volcano went off. Robbie blew with me and his ass milked every last drop of cum out of my body, or so it seemed. We collapsed on the bed, panting, and heard a banging on the wall. “Sweeties, please try and keep it down. The Captain can't concentrate.” We both blushed deeply, while I thought I heard a deeper chuckle and then a snaugh. Robbie looked at me, eyes wide, and turned redder than I'd ever seen, which just made me laugh.

August 23, 1980

The yacht crawled slowly through the harbor, heading to its berth, while the six of us stood on deck, watching LA get closer and closer. I looked to my right at Robbie, with Frank standing on his other side. Robbie looked hot as hell, wearing the Vuarnets that I bought him. I had never seen Frank so relaxed, so calm, and so centered. I'd gotten to know him well on this trip, and I could see the sterling qualities JP had seen when he'd claimed him as a friend. He was a tough, hard guy on the outside, but it only took the slightest of scratches to get beneath that to a total teddy bear.

He and Robbie had bonded like never before, and it was really beautiful. They had a really easy relationship. Frank knew that Robbie was at heart a very obedient and loyal son, so when he was with him he went to great pains to draw him out, to be mellow and let Robbie come out of his shell. The gentle grins on their faces told the story of how much the past week had meant to them.

The rest of us, in our own ways, had done the same thing. Until yesterday, I would have said that reconnecting with Stefan, and repairing any damage the recent spat over Jake had caused, was the highlight of my trip. That was until I sat on the back of the boat, smoked a joint with JP, and really talked to him. He told me how he wanted to write another book, this time on the presidency of John F. Kennedy. He told me that he'd met Jacqueline Kennedy, and about the funeral for my father. He told me that he'd wanted to start the book for a long time, but Sam always talked him out of it. As he talked about Sam, I could see that the end of their relationship wasn't about fighting or abuse, it was about growing apart, and subconsciously holding each other back for purely selfish reasons. JP didn't open up like this much. When he did, it was a moment to treasure.

There was a car waiting for us, of course, and we all bid a sad farewell to the yacht. I felt the general tension rise as we headed to Malibu. We'd decided to spend the night there and then head north to weather the storm with Brenda. When we got to the house, I found myself dreading the next event: seeing Jake again. Robbie and I wandered around, looking for him, worrying that he'd come jumping out of the shadows, but he wasn't there.

“Have you seen Jake?” I asked JP.

“I have not. Stef, where are you hiding Jake?” We all looked at him, watching his expression. He was playing some sort of game with us. His eyes were twinkling playfully, contrasting with the look of concern on his face. He was playing us. I rolled my eyes at him to let him know I was on to him.

“He is not here.”

“Indeed? And where has he gone?” asked JP with an assumed air of nonchalance that was exactly the opposite of what he was probably feeling inside.

“He has gone away to school, to finish up his education. Did you not know that he is an honors student?” None of us knew that. “Well he is. So I figured that the best thing for all of us was to send him off to a private school, where he could get a fresh start on his own. He picked Hotchkiss, so I made a few calls to pull a string or two. Pretended I was JP.” He chuckled at that. “That and a check was really all it took.”

“Will he fit in there, being gay and all?” I asked. It would have been fair for someone to pointedly ask me if I really gave a shit, the way I'd railed against Jake, but they didn't.

“He will be able to be gay or stay in the closet as he sees fit. In any event, I have done my duty. I have paid for his tuition, room and board, and given him a nice allowance.”

“What made you decide to send him away?” Greg asked.

“Because I love you more than anything. I know that you love me too, and I think we could have endured having him here. But I am not willing to risk you for anything or anyone.” Greg just stared at him. Then a tear fell down his face. Greg never cried, yet here, within a week, I'd seen him cry twice.

I felt his discomfort. I knew he didn't want to break down in front of us, even though after our trip, we were all closer than ever. “That's awesome Stef. I'm so glad you did that.”

Stef started babbling away about how he had arranged it all from the yacht, but I didn't hear him. I was staring at Greg, smiling at him. He winked at me. I jumped up, suddenly full of energy.

“If you guys don't mind, I saw some killer waves out there. Surf's up!” They laughed, but no one offered to join me. I didn't mind, I liked the solitude. It was just me and the waves. Sometimes they worked with me, giving me a gnarly ride. And sometimes they worked against me, crashing in on me and threatening to crush the life right out of my body. It was not terribly unlike my family.