Be Rad - 19. Chapter 19

August 10, 1980

I thrashed around in the frigid water looking for Robbie. I was scared shitless. I dived under, looking through the murky water, trying to see him. I figured with the force that asshole used to hit him, he'd be unconscious. That meant that I had to get him before he lost his buoyancy and get his head above the water so he could breathe. I swam around frantically for what seemed like hours when I saw his head bob up about ten yards away. I was there in no time. The water was my world, I felt comfortable here. I grabbed him and pulled his head back, making sure he could breathe. I treaded water steadily. I knew my strength in the water. I could hold this position, even with Robbie, for quite a while. But he needed medical attention now. I tapped his face with my hand, trying to bring him too. It wasn't happening.

I kicked something while treading water, something big. A shark. A big shark. Next time I felt it I kicked hard. I'd seen sharks before, surfing. The only ones that were really scary were the Great Whites, and they didn't come into the Bay. This one was probably a Seven Gill, and it wouldn't bother us. It was just investigating. Still, that didn't stop the pandemonium on the boat. A lady saw the fin and shrieked.

A life preserver finally fell close enough to us for me to grab, and that eased my job considerably. I looked at my watch. We'd been in the water for about ten minutes now. Robbie wasn't conscious, but he was breathing. I just held him tight, trying to transfer my body heat to his. I heard a motor and looked up to see a Coast Guard patrol ship approach. There was a splash in the water next to me.

“What happened?” a voice said. I turned to find myself face to face with a Coast Guard seaman.

“Some asshole on the boat hit him in the face with a fire extinguisher and knocked him off the boat.”

“You OK?” he asked.

“I'm fine. I just dived in to keep his head above water.”

“He a friend of yours?” he asked.

“Yeah. A good friend.” He nodded. We pulled him over to the boat and the crew dragged him on board. As soon as we were secure the boat took off.

“What about that asshole that hit my friend?” I asked.

“They've got him isolated on board the boat. The cops will be waiting for him when he gets to Alcatraz. Why'd he hit your friend with a fire extinguisher?”

I looked him straight in the eye. “Because I kissed him.” I dared him to say something, to defy me.

“What a stupid fuck,” the seaman said. “I'm sure your friend will be OK.” He said this in such a kind and friendly manner it just blew me away. He couldn't be gay, this sailor. He was in the Coast Guard. They didn't let gay guys serve. He must just be a more tolerant person.

“You from California?” I asked.

He grinned. “How did you know?”

“Your attitude. The guy screamed “faggot” right before he hit Robbie.” We were at the dock then, and there was an ambulance ready to take him away. They tried to stop me from going along.

“You're all wet,” objected one of the EMTs.

“You've got a mop. I'm going.” She glared at me but let me come along. I sat there in the ambulance as we tore through the streets, heading to the hospital. I held his hand and rubbed his cheek gently. He was breathing, but he still wasn't awake. I was getting really scared. We got to the hospital and they whisked him away, and no amount of bitching on my part would let me in there with him.

Someone was handing me a towel. It was the EMT lady. I smiled at her. “Thanks. After I get cleaned up I'll help you dry off your ambulance.”

“Don't worry about it. You must really care about him,” she said.

I nodded. She smiled and walked away. How is it that we can encounter people who are so understanding, so supportive, and at almost the same time run into a totally bigoted asshole? I headed to the phone and dialed Escorial. It didn't take long to get JP on the phone.

“Dad, Robbie's in the hospital.” I told him the whole story. He didn't panic. He was calm and deliberate, the perfect person in an emergency. Stef was right. I was a lot like him.

“I'm so sorry Brad. I'll be there as soon as I can.”

“Thanks Dad. Can you bring me a change of clothes? I'm kind of wet.”

“Wet?”

“Yeah, I went into the Bay with Robbie.” He didn't waste time on a goodbye, he just hung up. I headed to the waiting room, trying to find a place that I could sit without dripping too much. I finally sat there with my face in the towel, crying softly. No drama. I didn't want the attention. I just wanted to be left alone until I got news on Robbie.

The thought of him not being OK was just debilitating. I brought him to the City so we could spend time together, so he could fall in love with me all over again, so we could be a couple again. Instead, I'd been stupid, with public displays of affection that obviously aroused the ignorant. Now not only did I not have a relationship with Robbie, I didn't even know if he'd be around. I cried silently into my towel.

I lost track of time. It could have been moving fast, it could have been moving slow, I didn't know. I just sat there with my head in the towel, shutting out the world. I felt a hand on my head, fingers through my hair, and I pulled myself out of the terry cloth fog I was in and looked up to see JP. I stood up to hug him but he stopped me with a smile.

“You will get me as wet as you. Here. Claire picked these for you. She said to make sure you wear the shoes she put in here and not your flip flops.” I grinned at that. My flip flops were floating around somewhere in the Bay. I took the bundle of clothes and headed off to the bathroom. My skin was sticky from the saltwater, nothing new for me, but I used the bathroom sink to take a bath like they did in the old days, with a wash cloth and a basin of water. In the end, with my appearance back in order and dry clothes on, I felt a lot better physically. At least when Robbie woke up I wouldn't be too horrible to look at. Not that he'd care.

I came back into the waiting room to find JP engrossed in conversation with a doctor. The doctor seemed annoyed when I intruded on the conversation, but I ignored him and so did JP. “He is in a coma right now, but we've stabilized him and ensured that he has a clear air passage. All we can really do now is observe him carefully and make sure that we treat any symptoms that may come up, such as swelling of the brain.”

“I want to make arrangements to transfer him to the Stanford Medical Center as soon as possible,” JP told him. The doctor looked irritated, and taken aback, but JP turned on the charm. “Please don't be offended Doctor. I'm sure you would provide him with excellent care here. It is a matter of logistics and, if you will, institutional loyalty. I'm a member of the faculty at Stanford and we live in Palo Alto. Having him there would make it much easier to visit.”

“My daughter is starting at Stanford this fall,” he said with a smile.

“What is her major?” JP asked, genuinely interested. JP usually went out of his way to help his students. The parties we threw for them at Escorial were usually the highlight of the semester, for them and for us.

“She hasn't decided yet.”

“Well, here's my card. If she has any questions or feels a bit out of place on such a large campus, have her come see me.”

“You're the History Department Chair?”

“I am. It's a rough job but someone has to do it,” he said with an engaging smile.

“Thank you Professor Crampton. Let me see what I can do about getting Mr. Hayes transferred.”

“I appreciate that. In the meantime, my son Bradley will probably want to spend as much time with his cousin as possible. Can you help him out?”

I was aware that I was witnessing the age old game of trading influence. The doctor would help us move Robbie as soon as possible, and make sure no one gave me shit about being with him, and in return, JP would be a resource for the guy's daughter on campus. It was a game that JP had mastered long ago.

The doctor asked my name, scribbled some notes on the chart, and then led us in to see Robbie. He looked so peaceful and so innocent. I sat in the chair next to him and held his hand, stroking it, caressing it.

“Did you two work things out before this happened?” JP asked me.

“No, but we were making progress. I was hoping that time alone together in the City would help him realize how much I love him. And hopefully he'd realize that he loved me too.”

“There is no question about that,” JP said authoritatively.

“Did he talk to you while I was gone?” I asked, anxious for any info on his thoughts, especially since he wasn't there to give them to me himself.

“He did.” I stared at him, willing him to break his vow of confidentiality, at least enough to ease my pain. “My impression was there was no real question as to how much he loved you. He loves you a lot, possibly more than you love him. But he's scared, and he feels vulnerable. Like he's a bit too enamored with you and he was losing himself in you.”

“I understand. I felt that too. I kept hoping that it was just us adapting to each other, but he couldn't handle it, said he couldn't trust me. And then he started seeing Doug.”

“The guy that you had those problems with at the beginning of summer?”

“That's the one.”

“You should sell your story to Greg. It would make one hell of a soap opera.” I grinned at him and he put his hand on my shoulder. That's the thing with him, just that much physical contact could strengthen me.

“Wasn't Roger supposed to be coming up tonight?” I asked.

“Yeah, but I called him,” he said casually. Then he looked at me and frowned, realizing that I'd set a trap for him and he'd fallen right in. I had no idea that Roger was coming up. I started cracking up and he just shook his head.

August 11, 1980

The ambulance cruised down the freeway with its lights flashing but without the sirens. I took time to look out the window, grinning as the traffic parted in front of us. Screw the Ferrari. For Bay Area traffic I needed one of these.

We'd left the hospital in San Francisco and were headed toward Stanford. The doctor had worked miracles to move Robbie so quickly, and I was really glad. I'd been at the hospital the whole time and I needed to get home and take a shower and change. I was getting pretty ripe. JP had arranged everything at Stanford, and even had them put an extra bed in the room so we could crash there with him if we wanted to. He tried to get me to go home last night but I wasn't moving and he didn't push the issue.

We pulled up to the Stanford Medical Center and they moved Robbie straight to his room. “Brad, they're going to need to do some of their own tests, so now would be a good time for you to go home and rest and shower. If anything changes, I promise I'll call.”

I nodded. As I walked out of the hospital I wondered briefly how I was going to get home. Not to worry, there was Rafael ready to lug me around. I smiled at him warmly, so happy to see his loyal and friendly face.

“Thanks for everything Rafael,” I said in Spanish.

“I am always happy to help you out Brad,” he responded. I collapsed into the back seat and he had to wake me up when I got home. I dodged everyone and headed straight to my bathroom and a long shower. It felt wonderful. I felt refreshed, even though I was still pretty tired.

I found Ace, Billy, and Claire out on the veranda hanging out. If I didn't know better I'd say they were waiting to ambush me. “How's Robbie?” Billy asked as soon as he saw me. They had bonded too. The evil Brad inside of me briefly pondered how hot it would be if the two of them fucked around. Evil Brad decided that it would be way hot, too hot.

“He's still in a coma. The doctors don't seem worried. They think he'll come out of it pretty soon, but it's really sad seeing him there, looking so helpless and so unanimated.”

“Unanimated?” Claire said, teasing me. Her grammar was beyond reproach.

I ignored her. “I'm going back to see him.”

“Man, you need some sleep. There are huge bags below your eyes,” Ace said.

“I'll sleep there. I have to be there in case he wakes up.” Ace was just being a good brother and a good friend, worrying about me. But nothing, no one, was going to keep me away from him.

“Can I go with you?” Billy asked.

I smiled at him. People always underestimated him, the depths of his feelings. “I'd like that. You ready?” He nodded. I kissed Claire and hugged her and Ace before Billy and I hopped into the Ferrari and headed to the hospital.

“God Brad, I just love this car.”

“Tell Stef. Maybe he'll get you one when you turn 16.”

He grimaced. “I don't know. He likes you best.”

“Stef loves all of us,” I insisted. He could tell from my voice that I wasn't going to brook any arguments on that one. Stef did nice things for all of us.

“Seems like I saddled the wrong horse. You and Stef bonded, Ace and Dad, well, Ace is his favorite, and I had Sam. And now he's gone.”

“What about Roger?” I asked, teasing him. He snaughed, a gesture that drilled to my core because it was just like Robbie. “Seriously, just because they're not together doesn't mean Sam has to be out of your life. Go see him.”

“I tried to. I had Rafael take me over there one afternoon a few weeks ago and his car was there but there was no answer. I looked through the window and saw him fucking the shit out of Jake. So he's found someone else to keep him company.” I cringed. “Got I hate that guy. Fucking Jake.”

“Yeah, he's a real shit.”

“I heard you threw him out of the house when you got back from LA.”

“If you hate him, why didn't you do it?” I asked him. It irritated me that Billy would stand by and not say anything when Jake's presence so obviously bothered JP.

“I don't know. I guess I figured Robbie could have anyone over that he wanted to. After Doug, I guess I was kind of shell-shocked anyway.” He saw how much the mention of Doug irked me. “Brad, Robbie is so into you it's scary. I don't know what kind of game he's playing, but he's all about you.”

“Dad says our relationship scared him, that he felt that he was losing himself in me. It's frustrating, because I'm trying so hard, and he is keeping me at arm’s length.”

We drove up to the hospital and I parked the Ferrari and put the Targa top back on. It didn't take long, but it was kind of a pain in the ass. But I knew I'd be in the hospital for a while, and I needed to lock my pride and joy up so it didn't get ripped off. I always found hospitals to be sterile and impersonal places, which they are, and I hated spending time in them, but if it was someone I loved, I'd get over it.

We found JP in Robbie's room sitting next to him, holding his hand, stroking it gently. Billy and I paused for a minute to watch him. He seemed like such a cold fish, it was so hard to get past his shields, but at times like this, when he let those shields down, it reminded me of what a loving and caring person he was. He sensed our presence and turned around, his defenses going up immediately. That was too bad.

“Hello Boys. They've got Robbie all set up in his own room,” he said, gesturing at the room. “That bed there,” he said, pointing at the other bed in the hospital, “will remain empty so if you get tired while you're here you can rest.”

“Thanks Dad. You're the best. Has he shown any sign of waking up?”

His expression darkened. “Not yet. The doctors seem to think it's only a matter of time. They said he had major brain trauma, and that caused the coma, but they don't see anything to indicate more severe brain damage.”

“I just want him to wake up,” I heard myself whining.

“I know. But maybe he needs to stay in this coma while his body heals.” JP was grasping at straws. I knew it, and he knew it. “You should know that his parents will be out to see him tomorrow.”

That was completely unexpected. “They probably hate me,” I said.

“This is not your fault Brad.” JP was adamant.

“If I wouldn't have kissed him in public like that, that asshole never would have attacked us.”

“Nonsense. People like that look for excuses to hurt people they hate. It's his fault, not yours.”

“Did he get arrested?” I asked.

JP cringed. “He did, and he's been released on bail. My attorney tells me that unless Robbie, uh, gets worse, he probably will get off without jail time.”

“That's a bunch of shit. What kind of justice is that?” I was pissed, about to really lose it. JP's crocodile grin stopped me. “What?”

“Well, we may not be able to get this man criminally, but civilly, now that's a different manner. When all this is over Robbie may end up relatively wealthy, while our perpetrator may end up broke.”

People like him usually valued money more than anything else anyway. “That will probably hurt him more than jail time.”

“I suspect you're right.” We noticed that as we were chatting Billy had been spending time next to Robbie, just looking at him and holding his hand. “I'm going to head home. Don't wear yourself out Brad.”

“I won't,” I said.

“Hang on Dad, I'll ride home with you,” Billy said. He looked at me, begging me not to object to him leaving, pleading with his eyes to not give him shit for leaving so soon.

“I'll see you later Billy. I think it's really cool that you came down to see him,” I said. He smiled, relieved. Not everyone can handle shit like this. Billy made the effort, showed he cared. I'd be here for both of us.

I was glad to see them leave since that left me alone with Robbie. I moved the other bed next to his, re-arranging the room a bit, climbed in and got as close to him as I could. I grabbed his hand and stroked it lovingly, and then I drifted off to sleep.

“Alright honey, I need you to move,” I heard. The voice was pulling me out of my slumber; I felt myself rising up from the fog of sleep like a diver coming up for air. I blinked my eyes open and saw a middle aged woman wearing a typical nurse’s uniform. She had a very pleasant expression on her face.

“I'm sorry. I'll get out of your way.”

“Thanks. As soon as I'm done, you can have your spot back.”

“I rearranged things a little bit. I hope that was alright.”

“Works for me. I think it's great that you're here for him. People who are in comas and come to usually end up telling me that they were aware of the visitors they had. He'll thank you when he wakes up.”

“If he wakes up,” I said morosely.

“You can't think that way. He's a strapping young man. He'll recover. I have faith. You have to have faith too.”

I looked at her badge. It said her name was Mabel. “Thanks Mabel. I wasn't sure what kind of reception I'd get here, or if people would be trying to throw me out all the time.”

“No problem sweetie. I think it's great, and you know, even if the others don't, they're too intimidated by your father to do anything about it anyway.” She seemed to find that pretty funny since she laughed pretty loud. I headed to the bathroom to pee while she did what she had to do to Robbie. By the time I got back she was gone, but she'd pushed my bed right back to where it was before.

I climbed back in and resumed my position. God he was handsome, so strong, so masculine, and so beautiful. I moved over so my mouth was next to his ear. “I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I want you to know that I really love you. I mean I really really love you.” I paused and caught my breath, inhaling his smell, the smell of his hair that hadn't been washed recently, and the slight odor from his armpits that didn't repel me at all. If anything, it attracted me even more.

“I remember when I met you, how you turned me on so much. I couldn't believe it. It was almost scary. And then when we got together it was amazing. But it scared me too. I felt like you were really dependent on me, like you were this person that I had to take care of and make decisions for, and it seemed like so much responsibility I couldn't handle it. And then there was that stuff with Lark. When I fucked around with him, it was fun. I mean, you understand that, right? Sex is fun. But that trip to Malibu, that did it for me. Sex with him is nothing like sex with you. You make my whole body explode. You ignite me.” I paused, and sighed.

“I know you'll come out of this soon, and when you do, I hope you'll give me another chance. I love you so much; you are my partner, my soul mate. I can't imagine going on without you. Please, get better. And let me love you.” There were tears pouring down my face as I vented my feelings to my boyfriend. What a coward I am, I thought. Here I am ranting and raving to him and he can't hear a word I said. I looked around to make sure no one was there, and then I leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips. Just as I pulled off, I thought I felt something. Did he just try to kiss me back?

I lay back down and held his hand, hoping that he had, fantasizing that he had, and finally convincing myself that he had. It felt good to think that. I had great dreams that night. The nurses woke me up a few times to check on Robbie but I went right back to sleep. Finally it was morning and they were bustling around enough to wake me up for good.

“I'm going home to take a shower and change clothes,” I said to him. “As soon as I do, and, well, grab some food, I'll be back here.” I kissed him again, being careful to check that no one was looking, and then headed home to Escorial. I showered and jacked off thinking about my last night at Yosemite with Robbie. I wiped the grin off my face and headed to the kitchen for some food.

“You doing alright? How's Robbie?” Tonto asked as soon as I walked into the kitchen.

“I'm fine, and Robbie's still in his coma. I have this feeling that he knows I'm there though Tonto. I don't know why, but I think he does.”

“Of course he does. You're a good friend, or, uh, boyfriend to be there for him.”

“It's the least I can do considering that it's my fault he's in this situation.”

“What kind of nonsense is that? You know better than that. I never thought I'd hear such bunk coming from you.” I stood up and hugged and kissed her.

“You think I walk on water,” I told her affectionately.

She smiled up at me. “Don't you? Looks that way to me when you're surfing.” I smiled back and headed back to the hospital. What an incredible lady Tonto was.

I rushed through the halls, anxious to get to Robbie's room. When I got there I froze. Standing next to his bed, holding his hand, was Doug. I stopped and took a deep breath. Control the anger, control the emotions, I told myself. Another deep breath and I walked into the room. Doug turned when he heard my footsteps and froze when he saw me. His mouth tried to make a smile, but it just couldn't quite make it.

“Hey Brad. I heard what happened. I'm glad you're OK,” he said, being extremely nice.

“Hey Doug. I'm OK, but Robbie isn't.”

“What happened?”

He couldn't hurt me so I might as well tell him. “We were on a boat to Alcatraz and I kissed him. Some fag hater hit him with a fire extinguisher and knocked him out, and overboard.”

He shook his head sadly. “He's lucky he didn't drown. Who fished him out of the water?”

I got nervous, self-conscious. “Well, I jumped in after him and held him up until the Coast Guard saved us.”

“That was pretty brave of you,” he said with admiration in his eyes.

“No it wasn't. You know me. Water is my world.” He smiled at me.

“You love him,” he said.

“Yeah, I do.” I looked at him, throwing down the gauntlet. Challenging him. My eyes told him I'd fight to the death for Robbie. His told me he understood, and he was backing off.

“We never got to have our conversation,” he said. I felt the force of his charm, the assault of those dimples, and remembered the times we'd spent alone.

“We didn't. Do we need to?”

“I don't know, do we? I liked being your friend, and I liked surfing with you. Wanna trade me that for my pledge not to hit on your boyfriend?” He was teasing and serious at the same time. He was offering me a deal that seemed bogus, but he was dead serious.

“He's not my boyfriend. He doesn't want to be with me like that.” I couldn't hide the sadness in my voice.

“That's bogus. He's totally into you. He's just a little freaked out, that's all. Why do you think he played with me?”

“Because you're incredibly cute and sexy?” I said, turning on my charm.

He grinned and relaxed. “Well, there is that.” He got a serious expression. “Because I'm just about getting off. I'm safe. No commitments. No involvements.”

I nodded. “You got a deal.” I held out my hand. He shook it, and then pulled me into a hug. The feel of his body, his odor, brought back memories and I felt my dick rising.

“I gotta run. I'll see you around. Oh, and you think you could call the dogs off and let my mom join the Junior League?” he asked with a smile.

“Let's see how you behave first,” I teased. He smiled back at me and strode confidently from the room.