Be Rad - 31. Chapter 31

October 4, 1980

“...Happy Birthday Dear Bradley, Happy Birthday to You!” The group finished singing to me just as we landed in Amsterdam. I grinned, happy to be around my friends and family.

We got out of the plane and passed through immigration. I stopped everyone as we headed to the train. “Alright, here's the deal. We stick together. If we get separated, you're either here at 4:00pm, Amsterdam time, or at the Rijksmuseum at 2:00pm. You miss the flight at 4, you gotta get yourself to Paris. You miss the flight in Paris, you gotta get yourself home.” I was being a hard ass, but I knew how tough it was to keep a group together.

We took the train downtown and found a coffee shop. It was amazing. They had menus so you could order different kinds of pot or hash. They even had a bong you could borrow to smoke with. I was in heaven. I packed the bong and passed it around. When it got to Mouse I saw him hesitate. Normally I'll give my friends shit if they don't do it, but he was different somehow. He took the bong and put it to his mouth but I stopped him.

“OK everyone, Mouse is a pot virgin.” We all cheered and he blushed. Everyone except Billy, who just sneered. “Here, let me show you how to do it,” Ace said, and held his hands while he did it. Ace, the ultimate masculine specimen, taking time to help him and actually touch him definitely perked Mouse up. He coughed, of course, but smoked again when the bong came around again. We smoked until we were really really stoned. Really stoned. All except Mouse. He had that first-timers thing where it didn't seem to affect him.

I looked around the coffee shop and was really amazed and impressed. There we were, stupid Americans there to get stoned. A few Brits came over to party with us and they were a blast. There were a couple of guys at the pool table, shooting pool. There was a couple in the corner having a beer. It was such a mellow and relaxed scene. Why the fuck isn't this legal in the US?

We left there and went to the Anne Frank house. Big mistake. Really stoned people at a really depressing place. It was amazing, but really sad. We all shuffled out pretty much close to or in tears. To change our mood we hit another coffee shop. This time Mouse got stoned, and we all had a blast with him. Everyone except Billy. Billy ignored him, except to get irritated at him, until night time, when he'd go fuck him. I was seriously getting pissed at him. Remarkably enough, so was Stefan.

Stoned again, we hit the Rijksmuseum. That was a blast, with all the cool art, especially Rembrandts. I was in heaven. But we were on a time schedule. We were walking back to the train station (after one more stop at a coffee shop) and it was really heartbreaking to watch Mouse try to walk with Billy and Dan and to have Billy so pointedly exclude him. Dan was really nice to him, but Billy made it clear he wanted nothing to do with him. Stef and I watched and said nothing. We didn't have to. We just knew what the other one was thinking.

Stef caught up to Mouse. “Hey Mouse!" Mouse turned back to look at Stef. "I'm very angry with you,” Stef said, very seriously. Dan stopped to see what the issue was, but Billy just ignored him and walked ahead. I was seething, but I winked at Dan to tell him it was OK. He stuck with Billy.

Mouse looked at Stef, very upset. “I'm sorry. What did I do? Whatever it is, I'm sorry.”

“You were supposed to be my travel companion. I've been stuck talking to these guys all day,” he said, gesturing at us. Mouse realized that Stef was teasing him and walked over and grabbed Stef's hand.

“Companions then?” he said. Stef grinned, and off we went. On the train I cornered Stef. “When we get rooms, I'm putting him in with you, OK?”

“I have a better idea. I'm going to share with Billy. I will put him with Dan.”

I smiled at his craftiness. “Billy needs to learn that if he blows Mouse off during the day, Mouse can't blow him at night.” Stef nodded. Amazingly enough, we managed to stick together and catch our plane to Paris. Then off to the Ritz, where Stef had booked a group of rooms.

We were all captivated, or re-captivated, by Paris. We were exhausted but did a little sight-seeing, going to the Eiffel Tower and taking one of the ubiquitous bateau tours. We had talked really big about hitting the town, because this was a whirlwind trip, and vowed that we'd sleep on the plane. At ten o'clock that plan collapsed, and so did we. We headed back to the hotel and Stef allocated the rooms. He put Mouse with Dan, which seemed fine with Dan. Mouse looked confused, but Billy looked pissed. Pissed enough to say something to Stef.

“I thought I was sharing a room with Mouse,” he said.

“Why would you do that?” I asked. “You've treated him like shit all day.” Billy glared at me.

“Gentlemen, there is a very simple reason that Billy is with me. You know that I cannot be trusted alone with any of these scrumptious young men. I have to be with someone untouchable, like my nephew.” No one believed him, but the excuse gave us all grounds to not fight over the issue.

October 5, 1980

It was morning and we all looked like shit, eating foreign food for breakfast. We were approaching today as a day that we'd have to really move to see what we wanted to see. A really hot older guy showed up and headed off to Stef's room with him while the rest of us ate. Ace looked at me and just rolled his eyes. Stef came back half an hour later, just as we were finishing up, looking completely out of breath. We all started laughing; he was so predictable.

“This is a good friend of mine, Marc Sievres.”

“Yeah, we gathered he was a 'good' friend,” joked Ace.

“That, Marc, is one of my nephews. Now you see why I have these gray hairs,” he said, running his hand through his hair.

“I did not see any gray hairs,” Marc said playfully, with a beautiful voice and a sexy French accent. “Of course, those are not the hairs I was looking at.” Stef blushed and the rest of us shrieked with laughter. “Anyway my young friends, I am a Professeur at the Sorbonne. Stefan has, how do you say, bribed me to take some of you on a tour of the college. It will be heavy on art. Those of you who do not want such an academic day, Stefan will take you around the city to see the sights.”

“I'm going with you,” I told him.

“Me too,” said Mouse, excited.

“Sounds like a blast,” Billy said sarcastically. “More school. I'm doing the city.”

Dan piped up next. “I'm with Marc.” Now Billy really looked pissed off.

“I'll hang with you on the city tour,” Robbie said to Billy. “I can trust you alone with this hot guy, can't I?” he asked me. I chuckled.

It was great, just the three of us and Marc. He showed us all around the school, which meant all around the Latin Quarter. Mouse and Dan seemed really tight. I finally caught Mouse alone. “What's with you two?”

He smiled. “I don't kiss and tell.”

“So you kissed?”

“Maybe,” he said, teasing me. He was being coy, so I left him alone.

Marc took us to an art studio, one that specialized in sculpture, and Mouse refused to leave. “Brad, perhaps I can show you one of the places where our artists train?” I nodded enthusiastically.

“I'll stay here with Mouse,” Dan said. I nodded and smiled, and Marc led me off. We went to a building that didn't look very academic, but then again, that wasn't unusual. We went up a few flights of stairs and he pulled out a key and opened a door. I walked in and found myself in an apartment. His apartment.

He was behind me, nuzzling my neck, and speaking French in my ear. “I was hoping we could spend some time alone,” he said. I could smell him, the air of masculinity, a man who was used to seducing men successfully. His touch was expert, his hands flowing across my chest and down to my abdomen. I told myself to stop him, but there was something about him that was so sexy, so fucking sexy, I couldn't. His hand rubbed across my dick and I moaned. Then a picture of Robbie flashed into my mind and I stopped him and turned around.

“I can't do this. I have a boyfriend.” His lips were on mine. He ignored me completely. “Really Marc,” I said, panting, breaking the lip lock, “I love my boyfriend.”

He was strong. He pushed me onto the couch and landed on top of me, grinding into me, rubbing his hard cock against mine. “He will never know. Let me make love to you. I will show you things you never imagined.”

“No Marc. Get off of me!” I felt my body responding to him and I willed it not to. I pushed on him, struggled, but it only excited him more. And then it excited me more. Finally I lost the battle and wrapped my legs around him and locked my lips onto his.

The sex, his technique, was amazing. I felt like I was in school, and he was teaching me. I felt my mind block out the guilt, to the point where I almost felt like I was an observer and it wasn't me. He played my body like a flute, keeping me on edge for what seemed like hours. When I came I screamed so loud he clamped his mouth on mine to shut me up so I didn't bother the neighbors.

We lay there on the couch, panting and spent, our clothes strewn all over the floor. Then I was back in my body and I realized what I had done, and I felt a tear run down my face. I pushed him off of me and ran to the bathroom. I stared at the mirror. I hated the man who looked back at me, hated him for betraying Robbie. I allowed myself to cry, which pissed me off even more. A gentle knock on the door, and Marc looked in. He had my clothes neatly folded up and he handed them to me.

I cleaned myself up and wiped off my face, wiped away the tears. I put on my clothes and started flipping the switches, the ones that would let me compartmentalize this and move on. I had to put my façade on.

He was waiting for me. “You're an asshole,” I told him viciously, shocking him, “but an amazing lover. Let's go.”

“It is a rite of passage. You are 18. You must sleep with me,” he said.

“A rite of passage? Is that what you say to all of the men you fuck?”

He smiled at me. “No, most of them ask me for the favor. It is a family thing.”

“You mean because you fucked Stefan?” I asked.

“I do not fuck Stefan. I make love to him. He is an old friend.”

“Whatever,” I said, picking up my pace.

“I have been with Stefan, yes, and he is an amazing lover. And now I have been with you, and you are also amazing. You remind me, in bed, more of your father than your uncle.” I stared at him, stunned. “And all three of you are better than your Uncle; Jeff was his name, no?”

“You slept with Jeff?”

“No. I fucked him. It was in 1968, after your father went back to the United States. He was already strung out by then, and he came to my apartment and begged me to fuck him. Even offered to pay me.” I felt my mind whirling. He fucked Jeff? And why did that freak me out? I didn't know him, only from pictures. And he slept with my father. I fucked someone who slept with my father. That was like having sex with Sam. Or Greg. I felt nauseous.

Fortunately we were back at the Sorbonne where Mouse and Dan were totally into the artists. Even more fortune for me, it was time to go. I declined a ride from Marc and insisted that we take the Metro instead.

“Are you alright,” Mouse asked. Shit. If he could read me, then Robbie and Stef would be able to as well.

I fixed that immediately. “I'm fine. I wanted you guys to see the Metro. Check it out. It's the only subway with rubber tires.” Their attention was distracted. The train was crowded so they sat together and I stood. I tried to decide how I felt. I felt only one thing. Shame.

We met everyone at the hotel and headed straight to the plane. The wheels went up and I looked out the window sadly, worried that I would never be able to love Paris as I had before. In no time at all, everyone had gone to sleep. Everyone except Stefan.

“What is wrong?” Stefan asked me quietly. I looked at him. I was about to tell him that I was just tired, but our eyes locked. He got a sad look of understanding in his eyes. “I am sorry Brad. He is not trustworthy. I should not have left you with him.”

“Seems I'm the one who isn't trustworthy.” I bit back tears.

“We will talk about this when we get home, no? Try and sleep now.” I shook my head. He leaned over and whispered in my ear. “It is the easiest way to hide what you feel. At least pretend to sleep.”

I turned away from him and was face to face with Robbie. I didn't know he was awake. He knew something was very wrong. He looked at me, concerned. “What's wrong?” he asked gently and quietly, so the others wouldn't hear. Stef switched seats with him. I hugged him, savoring his feel, and his love. When I realized that I was going to lose it, to lose him, the tears started.

“What is it baby? What's the matter?” He was so caring. I did not deserve him.

“I slept with him,” I blubbered.

I felt him tense up, felt his arms loosen, physically and emotionally letting me go.

“Who?”

“That French guy, Marc.” He hadn't pushed me away yet.

“Why?” he asked. I could hear the pain in his voice.

“I didn't want to. I thought we were going to an art studio. It was his apartment. I tried to stop him. I did.” I was babbling now. “I told him about you, told him I love you. He just kept at me, grabbing me. Then he tackled me, and...”

“And your dick took over and that's what you thought with. He grabbed your dick and you forgot all about me.” He was so bitter, so angry; I could not look him in the eyes.

“No. I thought with my dick, my dick took over, but I never forgot about you.” He pushed me away and got up and stormed back to the bathroom. Stef stared at me, horrified at the damage done to my life. “This is not your fault,” I told him.

“It is. It is my fault. I cannot believe I led you into his clutches. I cannot believe I did not fully satisfy him in the morning.” The last part was an attempt to bring some humor into it.

I tried to smile but couldn't. “He said I fucked like JP.” Stefan laughed, then saw my expression, but couldn't stop himself. “He said all three of us were better than Jeff.”

His laughter stopped abruptly. “Jeff. Jeff Hayes?” I nodded. “He slept with Jeff Hayes?” I nodded.

“I thought you knew,” I said. I reached across and took his hands. Now it was his turn to freak out.

“What did he tell you? Everything.”

I swallowed hard. “He said that sleeping with me was a rite of passage. That he'd fucked you and my father. I wanted to puke Stef. I felt like I'd slept with Sam. It was horrible.” He looked at me and we tried to find strength in each other. I became aware of a presence next to me and saw Robbie staring at me. He looked resolved.

“Can I please talk to you alone? In the bathroom?” he asked curtly. I nodded and followed him. This is where my life ended. This is where he breaks up with me. He pulled me into the bathroom. Leave it to Stefan to have a good sized bathroom in his plane, I thought with a wry smile.

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me gently. I melted into him, savoring what was I'm sure the last time I'd ever be this close to him, this intimate. He didn't stop and neither did I. Finally, when we were inflamed with passion, he pulled away. My mouth chased after his, trying to maintain the contact, but he stopped me.

“I was trying to think of what to give you for your birthday,” he said. “I came in here thinking that maybe I should give you your freedom, so you wouldn't have to feel so guilty about being with other guys. Is that what you want?” he asked.

“NO! I want you. I want to be with you. I love you.”

I was in agony. Then he smiled. What the fuck was this? “Alright.”

“Alright?”

“Yeah. Alright. You can be with me. My birthday present to you is I forgive you.” I hugged him again, agony replaced with joy. He tried to pull away but I wouldn't let him.

“Really? You really forgive me?” I couldn't believe my luck. I couldn't believe how wonderful he was.

“You don't want me to?”

“No. I want you to. I want you to,” I said hurriedly, worried that I'd fuck up my good fortune with my big mouth.

“You tried to stop him?” he asked. I nodded. “He was out to seduce you. He was a wolf.” He just held me tight. “Promise me you won't do this again.”

“I promise,” I said. “Make love to me.” And then our lips met, our bodies merged, we showed each other how much we loved each other, and he forgave me.

We headed back to our seats. Stefan looked as us concerned, and then saw us smile. I looked at him. “That's the best birthday present I ever got.”

“Better than this trip and this plane?” Robbie asked. I nodded definitively. Stef raised an eyebrow.

“He forgave me,” I said to Stef.

“If I were you, I would have traded the whole jet for that.” Stef paused, and then changed the subject. “I need to know what Marc said to you but I do not want to upset you Robbie. If you like, we can talk about this later.”

“Go ahead,” he said.

Stef jumped right in. This was eating at him big time. “When did he sleep with Jeff?”

I gulped. “He said that it was in 1968. After JP went back to the US. I didn't understand any of it. I didn't know JP was in Paris in 1968. And why was he here with Jeff?”

“It is a long story,” Stef said, trying to dodge the issue.

“We've got lots of time,” Robbie observed. Stefan sighed, yielding to the inevitable.

“JP and Jeff had broken up. Jeff and I were together.” Stef paused and swallowed. This was not an easy memory for him. “We were partners, and even had a joint checking account. Jeff was still hung up on JP, but I was too blind, too vain to see it. He was helping JP do his anti-war presentations, and JP did one at the Sorbonne. Unfortunately, it coincided with the May Revolution in Paris. JP defied the Gendarmerie, and had to go into hiding. Marc helped him with that. Jeff was supposed to be JP's contact with the US, but he used that position to keep JP trapped there. Sam finally flew over and rescued him.”

“What happened to Jeff?” Robbie asked.

“He obviously didn't love me. He still loved JP. So he cleaned out my checking account. $100,000 was a lot of money in those days.” Our eyes bulged. “He was hooked on heroin. He wandered around Europe for a while and finally ended up back in Claremont when the money ran out.”

“Marc must have slept with Jeff during that time, when he was still in Europe,” I surmised. “Marc said Jeff even offered him money.”

“My money,” Stef said ruefully. “Oh well. That is all in the past. We should get some rest.” Robbie moved over and gave Stef a big hug. Stef let go but Robbie didn't, and Stef just sank into him. He wasn't crying, he looked content, safe. Robbie was like that.

“I'm sorry my uncle treated you that way,” Robbie said.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. You are a completely different person, a young man any parent or boyfriend would be proud of.”

I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I remember lying on Robbie's lap, and then the next thing I knew, we had landed back in Palo Alto. I was so out I must have missed our stop for fuel on the way back.

October 6, 1980

A very tired group piled out of the limo and into the house. We'd gotten parental clearance to take the day off, so we just headed to our rooms and crashed.

JP caught me as we came in and pulled Stef and me into his study. “Did you have a good time?” he asked.

“It was interesting,” Stefan said, intervening. “I can fill you in.” JP nodded and I walked out of the study. I was about to head to my room when I paused to look back in at them. I saw the two of them hugging each other, comforting hugs. This had been an eye-opening experience for all of us.

I came into my room and found Robbie already in bed with Mouse snuggled up to him. I sighed. It would have been nice to have some time alone, but I guess it was not to be. I smiled, thinking that this is what married couples must have to put up with when they have kids.

I stripped and snuggled up to Mouse. He was sound asleep but instinctively moved back into me, sharing his warmth. His movements didn't have the same sexual connotations as before. I wrapped my arms around Robbie and fell asleep, with Mouse smashed in between us.

I woke up and it was dark outside. I looked at the clock. 6pm. Wow. Mouse was in bed with me, but the shower was running. I jumped out of bed and almost ran in there, hoping to catch Robbie before he got out.

“Mind some company?” I asked. He smiled and pulled me in, and got me clean and got me off, all at the same time. We were drying off afterward. I felt like our relationship was new all over again. Like our love was brand new. It was exciting and exhilarating. “So what's the deal with Mouse sleeping with us?” I asked.

“Did that bother you?” he asked.

“Not at all. He's got the second hottest ass in the house,” I said, joking.

He slapped me on the butt. “Make that the third. He was worried that Billy would come into his room.”

I got pissed. “Why doesn't he just lock his door? He's not Billy's cum bucket.”

“Calm down. He'll deal with it; he just didn't want to do it right now. The kid was exhausted.”

“He sure was,” said Mouse, walking into the bathroom. “Did I miss all the fireworks?”

“You did,” I said. I ran my hand across his chest. “Still, we can probably help you out.”

“Tempting,” he said. “But I think I'll pass.” We both looked at him, nonplussed.

“Dan?” I asked.

“He's a nice guy. I like him,” Mouse said. And giggled.

“I'm hungry and it's dinner time. A wonderful coincidence.” Robbie followed me while Mouse made himself presentable enough for dinner.

“You're back!” Tonto said, and then remembered to hide her cheerfulness behind her grumpy wall. “At least you're here. Stefan couldn't even take the time to come see me.”

“You were sleeping Tonto. He needed to get back to LA,” JP said, soothingly.

“Stef is gone? Why? He didn't say anything about leaving so soon.” I was stunned. That wasn't like Stef, to just up and leave.

“See, I'm not the only one who gets blown off,” Tonto said triumphantly. “Remember that next time you go gallivanting around and don't take time to stop in and say hi,” she said to me.

“I like hanging out with you in the mornings Tonto. Just never know who you're going to run into.” She cackled at that.

Dinner was a pleasant experience. Billy was notably absent, which was fine with me. I was still really pissed off at him. Ace was a chatterbox, so that meant that I could just relax and listen. Our other charmer, Jack, was at his own house tonight. Claire looked lonely as a result. After dinner we all went to leave but JP stopped us.

“I want you all to follow me,” he said. Roger had an idiotic grin on his face, so this must be a good surprise. He led us down the hall and up the stairway in the back of the house. We got to the second floor but JP continued on, up into the attic. I looked at Ace and we shrugged our shoulders at each other. We never went up there. We got up to the top and the door had a ribbon on it. “Happy Birthday Brad,” he said. “You'll have to share it with Mouse though.” I looked at Mouse and pulled him up next to me and we went in.

The attic had low ceilings. I could stand up and have about six inches of clearance. But JP had built it out, put in heat and air conditioning, and turned it into a studio. There was a new easel, set up near the dormer windows that looked out over the valley. There was a spinning wheel and a bunch of sculpting tools, and even a kiln. Mouse looked at me and we just grinned. It wasn't just the room, it wasn't just the furnishings, it was all the tools they got us. I gave JP a big hug.

“Thanks. It's awesome!” He smiled and I saw inside him briefly, saw through the shields, saw the joy he got from making people happy, in this case me and Mouse.

“Roger was the one who thought it up and made it happen,” he said. Mouse beat me to him for a big hug, but he pulled me in too. The rest of them filed out, leaving Mouse and me in our new art palace.

“This is the coolest place,” he said. We kept rummaging through drawers, finding new cool supplies that Roger had arranged for us. We immersed ourselves in our art, him with his clay, me with my paint. There was a knock at the door. It was Robbie.

“Guys, you're supposed to go to bed. It's 1am.” I looked up at the clock, amazed. The three of us headed down the stairs. Robbie and I turned and walked down the hall toward our room while Mouse went the other way. I heard Billy's voice behind me so I stopped.

“I'll be over in a few minutes Mouse,” he said.

“No,” Mouse told him.

“What?” Billy sounded mean and aggressive.

“I said no! I don't want to sleep with you.” I was proud of Mouse.

“Who says you have a choice?” Billy said. Robbie and I were down the hall in a flash.

“I do,” I told him, glaring at him.

“This isn't any of your fucking business,” Billy said. I was surprised. He usually didn't defy me. This must be how JP felt when I rebel, I thought, as a footnote.

“Mouse lives here. He's part of the family. He isn't your cum bucket.”

“He is if I say he is,” Billy said, and flexed his muscles.

“No he's not,” said Robbie.

“Who's gonna stop me?” he challenged.

“I am,” said Roger, from behind him. “Mouse, go to bed. Billy, your father and I want to see you in his study.”

Billy looked scared. He glared at us and then followed Roger down the stairs. When did he turn into such an asshole? When did this happen?