Be Rad - 8. Chapter 8

July, 1980

 

The plane lifted off gently from Palo Alto, a private jet stuffed full of people, very few of whom really wanted to go to Claremont, but all who felt obligated to be there, all except one: Jake. He had overcome his shyness and relaxed around my family, letting his charming personality shine through.

 

“Well you are just the cutest thing!” Stefan said, raving to him. “You remind me of JP when he was young.”

 

“Jake, I'm going to start getting really annoyed, having you around and having everyone remind me that I'm no longer young and attractive,” JP said in a playful way I usually only saw when he was with Stef.

 

“That's a shame, because I consider it the ultimate compliment to be told that I resemble you,” Jake said, sounding a lot older than he was and raising some eyebrows.

 

“Have you ever thought about dating older men?” JP shot back, and we all laughed. I looked at them, these men in my life. Sam was still amazingly handsome; his fit muscular body was enough to make me think incestuous thoughts. The only thing that gave away his age, that he was in his late 30s, was the bald spot forming on his head and his rounder face. Somehow, those two things just made him seem more masculine and attractive.

 

Stef and JP seemed to have aged the least of all. You could tell that my dad was in his 40s only by looking at the skin on his neck and his hands; otherwise he looked like he was in his young 30s. Stefan, on the other hand, could pass for a guy in his late 20s any day of the week. I don't know how he did it. And then there was Greg. He was younger than my dad but actually looked older. He had light brown hair that had gray streaks, but combined with his straight and erect posture and a commanding demeanor, it just made him look really distinguished and attractive. Their devotion to each other, each in his own way, was a model for gay men, or at least the model I embraced.

 

Jake chattered away with them, and we all moved around the plane, talking to each other. Billy was really quiet; in fact he had been quiet a lot lately, and I decided to take this chance to try and figure out why.

 

“Hey bro, what's up with you?”

 

“Nothing.” Billy wasn't normally talkative anyway, but this was pretty terse even for him.

 

“Nothing huh? You don't want to tell me what's bothering you?”

 

He stared at me, his lavender eyes piercing into mine. I looked back at him just as hard, taking in his handsome face, his dark blond hair, and his broad shoulders, probably broader than any other 15-year-old on the planet. “I've just been bored lately.”

 

“You’re not hanging with your friends?”

 

“Most of them are working or busy.” He seemed really glum. There was something else going on here.

 

“Why don't you hang out with me? Or Ace, if I'm too boring for you.”

 

That actually got a slight smile. “You guys never seem to want me around.”

 

“You've got to be kidding me. Not want you around? What the fuck is that about? I'd love to hang with you; you're just always with your friends.”

 

“You're just saying that because we're here on this fucking plane going to Claremont where there's nothing to do but beat off.”

 

“That's a pretty good way to sum up Claremont,” I said, laughing at his joke. “Seriously though, I mean that. I’d love to have you hang around with me more. I remember that night that Ace and I went to the light show at DeAnza and I was going to ask you, but I didn’t because I figured you'd be busy.”

 

“Well I wasn't.”

 

“Well, you're invited to hang with me whenever you want. You sulk at your own risk,” I said, joking.

 

He abruptly changed the subject. “I like Jake,” he said, then paused for a second. “He's totally into you. He’d better cool it when school starts. Anyone sees the way he looks at you, he's gonna be out.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” I said morosely. This was my big fear with Jake, and having Billy see it so plainly freaked me out a lot more than I let on. “I'm hoping that this summer, we'll be able to get used to being around each other so it isn't so obvious. Do me a favor though.”

 

“What?”

 

“Let me know how it looks, or would look for someone at Gunn. I can't afford to be outed; it would ruin my life for senior year, and Ace’s, Lark's, and probably yours too. It's even worse for Jake. His parents would disown him.”

 

“Really?” Billy seemed shocked by that. We tended to live in our isolated little world. I thought about the environment that my parents built for us. We lived in this opulent world of amazing tolerance. It was completely foreign, completely unlike the rest of the world. I guess we were so sheltered that the real world just shocked us when we emerged into it.

 

“Yeah. Sucks huh?” Billy nodded somberly, agreeing with me.

 

I meandered back up to see how Jake was doing with Stef and my dad. I found him watching them in rapt attention as they ranted about the latest political issue. “I can't believe they're getting ready to bring back the fucking draft,” Sam said emphatically. He was such a hot head, but somehow that made him seem sexy, if I could allow myself to think that way about him, that is.

 

“They're not starting a draft, they're just requiring 19 and 20-year-old males to register for the draft,” JP said calmly. “Carter is just freaking out over the double whammy of this Iran hostage crisis and the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan.”

 

“So it's not a draft, it's just registration for a draft?” Sam countered. “This sounds like the same shit, the same slippery road that we went down with Vietnam.”

 

“That's why I'm not supporting Carter's re-election,” JP said momentously.

 

“What does that mean?” Sam asked with a stunned look on his face.

 

“It means just what I said. I'm not supporting Carter. If Kennedy loses to him, I'm going with Reagan.”

 

Sam started sputtering. “The fascist?”

 

“He's not a fascist. He's got good leadership qualities, the kind we haven't seen since Kennedy. I trust the Democratic congress to keep him reigned in, and I think he'll do a good job of keeping their corruption to a minimum.”

 

Sam was beside himself. “I can't believe you'd support him!”

 

“All you've given me here are a bunch of emotional rants. That's no way to approach a political issue. You sound like one of our freshmen.” JP’s tone when he said that was bloodless. We all just stared at him. I'd never heard him cut Sam off so bluntly in an intellectual argument. That he did so told me how irritated he was with Sam.

 

The tension rose as Sam just glared at JP while JP eyed him back calmly. Greg broke the tension. “JP, I have to say I agree with you. I never thought I'd see myself supporting a Republican, but I have to do what's best for the country, and Reagan is best in my opinion.” Greg was a renowned liberal, and took lots of shit for it in even in Hollywood. JP’s statement had shocked Sam, but Greg’s was a gut punch. Sam just looked dumbfounded at both of them. Greg lightened the mood. “Besides, he's an actor, he's one of us, and if he goes too far out on the limb we'll bring up all his hidden dirty laundry.”

 

In what was a classic maneuver for the two of them, Stef jumped in and completed the transition away from politics. “I've rented a few cars for us when we land. I have no desire to be stranded anywhere in Claremont.” He looked at me purposefully. “I got one for Greg and me, one for JP and Sam, and one for you guys to share. Isidore is stuck with Tonto.” He uttered the last statement quietly as he winked at her and gestured toward the back of the plane, where Tonto was sleeping, snoring noisily.

 

Isidore pulled herself out of her novel and glanced at him under her lashes. “I will be happy to spend more time with her, poisoning her against you. Let us see how you like it when your life becomes a living hell.” She was joking, so he responded in kind.

 

“I must beg your pardon,” Stef said with the grace of a courtier. “We will arrange for you to have your own vehicle if you wish.” We all laughed. Tonto's ire was a force to be feared, even when she was sound asleep.

 

The flight continued on with a light repartee after that. We landed in Claremont and divided up as Stef had said, except that Ace and Billy took the “guys’ car” and Jake and I went with Stef, Greg, and Tonto to Tonto's house.

 

It wasn't really Tonto's house anymore. It was actually the property of the City of Claremont, and stood as their history museum, but when she'd donated it she’d included a proviso that she and her descendants be allowed to stay there over the 4^th of July holiday, Thanksgiving and Christmas. We'd only exercised that privilege on the 4^th, so far at least. JP called the house “the monstrosity”, an apt description. It was a huge, sprawling Victorian mansion, built around the turn of the century. It kind of reminded me of the Winchester Mystery House, only not as weird. The museum took up the first and second floors, but the bedrooms on the third floor and attic were retained for our use. It was weird staying in a museum, especially since I had almost no positive memories of the place. I had no positive memories of Claremont. But I loved Tonto and I loved Stef, and it seemed important to them that I show up for this festival.

 

We passed through the museum with our stuff and headed upstairs. Stef and Greg took Stef's father's old room, while I headed to the room that my father (one of them), Billy Schluter, had grown up in. I opened the door and found myself face to face with Beatrice. I instinctively kept Jake behind me as if to shield him from her wrath. I felt like Luke Skywalker meeting Darth Vader, and I was the only one capable of handling her.

 

“Well well well, if it isn't my half-brother,” she said. There was a guy with her, a Bohemian looking guy with long hair and clothes that made him look like he was a hippie still stuck in the 70s. “Brian, this is Bradley. You may find him interesting. He's a bastard and a faggot.”

 

I was used to her rudeness, so I just ignored her. Her words had clearly made him uncomfortable, though, so I extended my hand and shook his. “It's nice to meet you Brian,” I said politely. I'd learned a long time ago that it was best to watch your manners. Besides, my instincts told me there was another presence there. Maybe I really was Luke Skywalker? That made me genuinely grin.

 

“Uh, thanks,” he said nervously, taking my hand. He had a weak handshake, the kind that made my skin tingle, and the kind that felt like you were squeezing a bunch of noodles.

 

“This is Jake. He's a friend of Claire’s,” I said. Jake looked at me with a myriad of emotions, irritation not the least of them. He shook Brian's hand but Bitty shunned his offer to shake.

 

“I figured he was your gay lover,” she said. Well, she nailed that one.

 

“You can be rude to me, but you can't be rude to our friends. That is unacceptable,” I told her sternly. I wanted to say more, but something told me to be cautious.

 

“It certainly is,” came a booming voice: Tonto. She turned on Bitty mercilessly. “You are just a horrible person, do you know that? How dare you insult someone in my house, and how dare you say those things to Bradley!”

 

Bitty was afraid of Tonto. Everyone was afraid of Tonto. Behind Tonto was a very pissed off Stefan, and behind him was a very irritated Greg. Seeing them caused Bitty to steel herself. She fought back gamely. “Well, it's not your house anymore is it? It says that your descendants have the right to be here, and I'm a descendant.” Her attitude was smug and confident.

 

“Sadly, that is the truth. I'm sorry Brad, Jake; we have to put up with her,” Tonto said as she shook her head as if she’d been beaten. The rest of us waited for the other shoe to drop: Tonto didn't give up that easily. I saw the tell-tale twinkle in her eye. “Brad, why don't you take the attic room? It is actually my favorite. It's secluded from the hubbub of the house, and it has a lovely view from the dormers that face west.”

 

“Thanks Tonto,” I said, giving her a quick hug. “I like this room best, but the attic is more comfortable. You're right.” I dragged Jake away from the group toward the stairs and then motioned to him to be quiet so we could eavesdrop.

 

“I have tried very hard to support you, to help you become a young woman we as a family could be proud of, but I have failed miserably,” Tonto said to Bitty with venom and disdain such as I'd never heard but had always feared. I couldn't see her glaring at Bitty, but I knew she was. “Stefan, I should have listened to you a long time ago and disowned her.”

 

“You can't disown me. You put all of my money into trust,” Bitty said defiantly. How did she know that? I didn't know anything about what Tonto had done with all of her money. I guess I just didn't think about things like that.

 

“It's not your money, it's my money, and I don't know what you think you know or don't know, but let's just put it this way: You shouldn’t plan on living on it. From this point on, you're not getting a penny from me. When I die, if there's something left, lucky you. Just don't bank on it.”

 

There was a pronounced change of mood. I heard Tonto start speaking again, this time with her social voice. “Brian, I'm sorry you had to be privy to this little family exchange. We normally wouldn’t even dream of being so rude as to talk about such things in front of guests. Do you live in Claremont?”

 

“Uh, no, I live in Massachusetts. I went to Brown with Bitty. We've been dating for a year now.”

 

“Really? How come I didn't meet you at the graduation?” This was Tonto's grilling mode.

 

“I wasn't at graduation.”

 

“Why not?” she persisted, firmly yet politely.

 

“I didn't graduate.” There was a long pause. A long uncomfortable pause. I shut the door at the bottom of the stairs, grabbed Jake's hand and we tip-toed up to the attic room.

 

“Wow, how exciting,” he said when we got to the room. “This could be an episode of Dallas.”

 

“Yeah, but Tonto can be a hell of a lot meaner than Miss Ellie,” I joked. I didn't care about that, or any of them. I'd been in close quarters with Jake for over eight hours now, lusting after him, wanting to feel him again. I grabbed him and pulled him to me.

 

He didn't complain, or voice polite concerns about someone hearing us; he just surrendered to my advances and molded his body to mine. When I entered him, when I felt my cock slide past the ring in his hole and felt him tense from the pressure my big dick caused him, and then when I felt him relax and fully give himself to me, I truly felt complete and fulfilled.

 

After I was sated, I spooned up behind him, my still-hard dick buried in his ass, enjoying being this close to him. A noise disturbed me and I looked over to see Stefan's head coming into view as he walked up the stairs. I gave myself a big demerit for not locking the door. I pulled out of Jake, causing him to gasp in alarm at losing my massive presence, and sat up quickly.

 

“Mind if I join you?” Stef asked in his slutty voice with a giggle that told me he was kidding.

 

“Not at all,” Jake said flirting. His tone irritated me, but I ignored it.

 

Stef sat on the edge of the bed and put his hand on my cheek. “I'm sorry about that, Brad,” he said to me lovingly.

 

“It's not your fault Stef. She's got something wrong with her and she just hates me. I'll never be part of this family as far as she's concerned.” That last part came out with more bitterness than I had intended.

 

Jake seemed to realize that this was a two-way conversation, so he politely climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom. He was stark naked and showing off his incredible body. “Damn that young man is attractive,” Stef said gaping at him. We both started laughing.

 

He returned to his serious mode. “To me, you are much more than family. You are the son that I always wanted but never had. I've always thought of you that way, the most special person in my life. I never really told you that, but I think you know it.”

 

I gave him a big hug and just held him. “I know that Stef. Without you I'd be alone in this world, adrift. Both of my “dads” are dead, my mom killed herself, and I have a psycho sister. What sanity I have is due to you.”

 

“Sometimes,” he said, “I have found it important to make sure to tell the people in your life that are important to you just how important they are. That's why I'm saying this to you now, telling you that I love you so very much.”

 

I felt a tear run down my face to match those running down his cheeks. I hugged him again, then broke off our embrace and held up my finger, the one I’d pricked in Paris all those years ago. “Blood brothers forever?”

 

He smiled, remembering our bond that we'd made. He held up his finger, the same one he’d pricked, and pressed it against mine. “Blood brothers forever,” he responded.

 

“Will Tonto really cut Bitty off completely?” It was none of my business, but I was curious.

 

“Her attitude has already cost her dearly with Tonto. But the big secret here is that I'm much richer than Tonto, and she lost me a long time ago. I doubt she will starve, but I do not think I'd guarantee her much more than that. On the other hand, she may decide to breed someday, and it is important that the rest of us not condemn her children just because she is a shrew.”

 

That was a whole new wrinkle. Bitty would be with me for my life whether I liked it or not, through her own unpleasant presence or perhaps through her own kids. Horror movies came to mind. “They’ll be the spawn of Satan. They’ll probably be just like her,” I said bitterly. Just then Jake came prancing out, sporting a slight hard-on, and stood right in front of Stefan and me.

 

Stefan got up to leave and pinched Jake's ass as he left. Why did Jake have to do that? Why did he have to act like such a slut around other guys, especially around my uncle? My irritation with him did a lot to offset my happiness over my conversation with Stef. Still, hormones won in the end, so I fucked him really hard to work off my anger. It worked very well.

 

July 4, 1980

 

Today was the big day: The Fourth of July. During the day there would be the big festival, and then at night they’d shoot off a massive fireworks display. In the past, we'd all gone downtown for the fireworks show, but times had changed, and the crowd had gotten grittier. Now we went to the festival, and then as it got dark we went up to JP's parents' house in the hills overlooking the city. They had a big barbecue and swim party, and since their house was situated on the mountain with the best view of the city, it was usually a pretty good time.

 

The festival was just a big party at the Commons, Claremont’s downtown park. There were some carnival rides and activities, but the main purpose seemed to be for everyone to get drunk and eat free food. We were there for a different reason: we were there to see and be seen, to assure the populace that the Schluters had not abandoned their home town. The only Schluter to still feel connected enough to this God-forsaken town to actually live here was Nick. As for me, if it fell into the ocean I would shed one or two tears. Maybe.

 

Jake, Billy, Ace, and I walked around the Commons doing what high school guys do, joking with each other about other people. Ace was focusing on chicks to pick up, Jake was acting like a flaming fag, and Billy was just acting weird. I was not having a good time.

 

I frowned at Jake. Why did he have to do that? He didn't do it at home. Why did he have to walk around like Stefan did? I guess he figured that he was incognito here, so he could be himself. To me, that seemed like the height of selfishness. Yeah, he could be himself here, but as our guest he reflected on my family and, well, me. Claremont was already scandalized by Stefan. Now they'd be scandalized by me. And why did I give a shit? The answer to that was simple. First of all, if I was forced to come out here to prove that I still gave a shit about this place, I didn’t want to ruin the act by flaunting my gayness. The second, and more important reason, is that I was nervous that he'd act like this when we got home. And if he was going to act like that, if he was going to be “out” at Gunn, we had no future. I wrestled with that internally until I’d made my already bad mood much worse.

 

We came around a stand of trees and ran into three other guys who looked to be about our age. There was nothing significant about that, and there wouldn’t have been anything particularly significant about them, except one of them, the guy in the middle of the group, looked just like Billy. They noticed it too. All seven of us stopped and froze, just staring at each other like mutes.

 

Billy is tall, real tall; at 15 he was pushing 6'2”. He had dark blond hair, and a face that looked like that Tony Dow guy on the old “Leave it to Beaver” re-runs. This guy looked to be a little older than him, maybe about 17, but could pass for his twin. There was absolutely no way this similarity could be coincidental. It was too extreme, too identical.

 

Ace broke the ice, of course, by introducing himself. “Hey. I'm Ace, and these are my brothers Brad and Billy. And that's Jake.”

 

“Hey” said Billy's twin. The other guys with him seemed to fade away, laughing. I guess they had other things to do, or they really didn't give a shit about this guy. “I'm Robbie.”

 

Billy spoke next. “We look almost exactly alike. It's kind of weird. I have to say, though, that you are a very handsome guy.” We all started laughing at that. Billy had a good sense of humor when he let it out.

 

“Yeah, you're a pretty nice looking guy too,” Robbie said, laughing nervously. “I guess I should catch up with my friends.”

 

“Wait a minute,” I heard myself saying. I immediately felt my shyness try to return and shut me up, but I overpowered it. “This is too weird. People just don’t end up looking exactly like each other unless they're related. We must be related in some way. What's your last name?”

 

“Hayes,” Robbie said, eying me suspiciously.

 

“Crampton,” Billy said in response.

 

“Hey Robbie, I want you to meet our dad,” I said. “You mind hanging out with us and looking for him?”

 

That suggestion seemed to make him really uncomfortable, and that was something I could understand. If I met a bunch of strange guys and they asked me to hang with them, I’d be a little wary too. Ace was such a people person, always tuned in to social interactions, so he picked up on Robbie’s mood right away and intervened. “Yeah, that would be cool. And we can be pretty fun too. You like to get high?” Robbie smiled at that, so we dragged him back to our car and toked some of the weed we'd brought from Escorial.

 

There was something about Robbie that I found really compelling. I'd never been particularly attracted to Billy, I mean he's my brother and all, but there was something about this guy that really turned me on. I chided myself, telling myself that anyone would find his great looks and his great body attractive, but it was more than that. His lavender eyes sparkled a certain way that seemed to pierce right through mine, and he seemed to feel it too. Despite his connection to Billy, he seemed drawn to me as much as I was drawn to him. The more we hung around together, the deeper that connection seemed to get.

 

This would have made me feel guilty if Jake wasn’t seriously pissing me off. He was flirting with Robbie shamelessly, so blatantly that the biggest ignoramus from the Appalachians would know he was gay. And it seemed to bother Robbie as much as it bothered me.

 

Now fully stoned, we started walking around, looking for our parents, to no avail. A few beers, a few more trips to the car, and we'd forgotten all about them. Robbie fit into our group seamlessly. At around 6pm and we realized that we were due to head up for the barbecue, and the thought of just bailing on Robbie seemed really sad.

 

“We have to go to a party up in the hills. You wanna come?” I asked him.

 

“Whose party?” He seemed suspicious.

 

“Crampton’s.”

 

He shook his head slightly. “My parents will be there. My father, Frank, works for Crampton Construction.”

 

Ace picked up on that right away. “I think your father and mine are good friends.” I don't think Ace knew how tight their friendship actually was, but I did. I'd overheard a blistering argument that Sam and JP had last year about JP's habit of sneaking off with Frank Hayes to fuck around.

 

“It would be weird. They were invited, not me.”

 

“You were invited. We just invited you. It's at my grandparents' house. Come on,” Ace urged, almost pleading. I thanked myself for the zillionth time that he had such good people skills.

 

“Alright. Will I need anything?”

 

“Nope,” I told him. “We'll probably go swimming, but there are extra suits there.”

 

“Or you don't have to wear one,” Jake said in a slutty tone. I glared at him but it had no effect: he just ignored me. Robbie didn't seem to even hear him. Billy gave me that knowing look, and I finally just rolled my eyes in frustration.

 

“You guys go ahead up there and I'll ride with Robbie to make sure he doesn't get lost. Or puss out on us.” I joked.

 

“I'll go with you,” Jake said.

 

“I've only got a two-seat car,” Robbie said.

 

“I'll meet you up there in a few minutes,” I said firmly to Jake before he made some comment about sitting on my lap. He sulked off with Billy and Ace, while Robbie and I headed for his car. It was a 1968 Cadillac Eldorado and it was in perfect condition. Just like new.

 

He unlocked the door and made to jump right in but I took some time to walk around and check it out. “This car is bad!” I said.

 

“What's wrong with it?” he demanded defensively.

 

I laughed. “Sorry. California slang. Bad means good.” He laughed with me, a melodic laugh that fit perfectly with his deep masculine voice.

 

“So you like it?”

 

“Fuck yeah. How long you had it?”

 

“I got it last year after I got my driver's license. It was my father's car, and he turned it over to me. He said it meant a lot to him but he trusted me with it. That and he didn't want to shell out money to help me buy a different car.” We laughed some more, then hopped in the car.

 

“It has more than two seats,” I observed, raising my eyebrow.

 

He looked away uncomfortably. “I like hanging out with you guys, but your friend is a little bit, well, he's kind of obnoxious.”

 

“Because he wants you to swim without a bathing suit on?” I teased.

 

“Yeah. I mean, that's totally gay.”

 

“You don't like gay guys?” I knew I was pushing this, but I wanted to know how he felt and this was a perfect opportunity.

 

“Do you?” he shot back.

 

I felt an almost overwhelming desire to tell him that I was one, but I couldn't do it. “I live in the San Francisco Bay Area and spend a lot of time in LA. I know a lot of gay guys, and most of them are pretty cool.”

 

“That's cool. Your friend is just a little bit too obvious for me.”

 

“So you're OK with guys being gay as long as you don't know they're gay?” I asked, teasing him again.

 

“No, I just don't like sluts, and that guy is a slut. I mean, if it was one of you guys, Ace, Billy, or you, I would be cool with it.”

 

It bothered me that he called Jake a slut, even though Jake was certainly acting like one, but I couldn't resist messing with him. “I think you're hitting on me.”

 

He started to blush, then came back gamely. “You wish. Besides, if I was going to hit on a guy, it would be Billy. That boy is fine.”

 

I laughed so hard I almost peed. I took out another joint and started to light it but he stopped me. “Not in the car, OK?”

 

“I'm sorry.” This car must really be important to him. JP loved cars. I couldn't wait to show it to him. “Pull over right there,” I said, pointing to a little turn-out on Skyline with a view of the city.

 

“That's where everyone goes to make out,” he said, pulling in. “So now who's hitting on who?”

 

I kept on laughing. We got out of the car and carefully leaned against the side as we smoked the joint. “You figured me out. I'm a slut.”

 

“I wish,” he said. He laughed and looked into my eyes. It was like electricity. He moved closer to me, and I felt myself moving closer to him. Then a car drove by and broke our trance, and our mood. We moved away from each other and got quiet. We'd been at the abyss, looked down, and almost fallen in. He knew it and I knew it. We both knew that if that car hadn’t driven by, we'd have kissed. I flipped the roach into the woods and nodded to him. We climbed back into the Cadillac and headed up to the party.