Be Rad - 15. Chapter 15

July 15, 1980

He just stared at me with tears running down his face. I had no time for his issues. I was in pain, and I was pissed off. I had just surfed for the first time in weeks, had an absolute blast, and now my fucking ankle was fucking sprained, so I'd be out of action for at least a few weeks.

“Let me help you up,” he said softly.

“Just get the fuck away from me. Christ!” I crawled out of the shower and pulled myself up to my feet, glaring at him, daring him to speak a word. He didn't, so I headed back to my room, hopping on my good foot.

Lark and Billy came bursting in. “Did I hear screaming? Are you OK?” Lark asked. I looked toward the bathroom and saw Robbie watching me with just a towel wrapped around his waist. What happened was between us. There was no reason to involve Lark.

“I fucking slipped in the shower and twisted my fucking ankle.” I was so pissed I couldn't see straight. I saw Robbie disappear back into his room.

“How bad is it?” Lark asked, concerned.

“It fucking hurts to walk on,” I said. “That bad enough?”

“You're crabby when you're in pain,” he said to me, straight faced, but joking.

“Fuck you. Let me twist your ankle and we'll see how bitchy you get.” He held his ankle out to me and I tried to grab it but he pulled it away. I tried not to smile but I couldn't. Typical Lark.

I got dressed and tried to get up but couldn't. Billy looked at me with concern. Robbie still hadn't come out of his room. “I can't go fucking eat dinner like this,” I said. “Fuck!”

“You want us to go get something and bring it back?” Billy asked. Robbie chose that moment to come out and join us.

“That would be great. If Robbie wants to keep me company, you can take my car, Lark.” Lark's eyes bulged, and so did Billy's.

“Fuck yeah. Let's go. You're on nursing duty, Rob,” Lark said, grabbed my keys, and headed out. I couldn't help but smile as I heard them whooping it up. Then I heard the motor gun, and they were gone.

“They won't be back for a while. Let's forage for some snacks,” I said, ignoring the proverbial elephant in the room.

“You stay there. I'll go get something.” He had a totally beaten down expression. The kind of condition where no matter what I said or did, I couldn't knock him down any more. Not that that was my intention.

I sprawled on the couch and flipped on the television. “Flipper” re-runs. How fun was that? I tried to move my ankle and it hurt. It was swelling up too. Fuck.

“Hey Robbie, can you bring me an ice pack?” I yelled over my shoulder, only to turn around and find him standing there in front of me with an ice pack. “How did you do that?” I asked him, joking.

“Just trying to anticipate your needs,” he said with a smile. His expression said he was begging me not to hate him.

“Good. You keep working on that. Your psychic abilities tell you where to find food?”

He smiled softly at me. “Food, then we'll talk.” And with that he was gone. He left me there wondering what the fuck his problem was. It obviously had something to do with showers. Even an idiot could figure that out, and I'm not a complete idiot. He had avoided showering with me, and then I'd pushed the issue and he'd totally freaked out. I focused on that last thought. I'd pushed the issue. I bore some responsibility here. Not as much as he did, but some. Enough that I owed it to him to be patient and listen.

It took him forever, but he came out with a whole tray of stuff. A lot of it was stale, but he'd obviously tried really hard to put a nice spread together. I smiled at him. “Thanks Robbie. Looks great!” I dove in with the hunger that constantly haunts a 17 year old boy.

“So what the fuck was that all about?” I asked him in between bites.

“It's what your dad was talking about.”

I eyed him carefully. “The skeletons in your closet?”

“Yeah.” He was silent after that, which irritated me.

“Well, I was willing to give you a lot of time and space to come clean about it, but I'm not feeling that nice about it now. Spill it.” I wasn't mean, just firm. It was a statement that gave him no alternatives.

“They raped me in the showers,” he said softly, tears running from his eyes.

“Your cousins?” I asked gently.

“Mostly. There were a few other guys. The first time it happened was after a practice. I could take them individually, but not as a group. So Fred, the biggest, he grabs me in the shower and started soaping my ass while the other guys held me down.” The tears got more intense. “Fred has a big dick. Not as big as you, but big.” He actually grinned a little. “He fucked me hard and it hurt like hell, it hurt so badly. Then the other guys, there were two of them, they took their turns. I blocked it out, I just zoned out on them. When they were done they left me on the floor of the shower.” He stopped and sobbed. “The coach found me and noticed that I'd,” he paused again, “I'd cum, and he called me a faggot and told me to get the fuck out of there.”

“I'm so sorry,” I said, moving toward him awkwardly and hugging him. “It wasn't your fault Robbie. Those guys raped you.”

He didn't hear me, or he ignored me. “It didn't matter. After practice I'd avoid showers, I'd just head straight home. Or if I had to, I'd keep my guard up. But it didn't work. A few weeks later they found me again, and they fucked me again. Only this time it felt really good. I couldn't help it, couldn't stop my body from responding. The three of them fucked me and I loved it. I blew a huge load, and they taunted me about being a fag.”

I lay down and pulled him to me, on top of me, and just stroked his head while he cried. Now that he started talking though, it was like he couldn't stop. It was that same babbling thing I'd seen him do. “So then I'd make sure I took a shower after practice, I made sure that they were around and I made sure to flash my ass at them. They fucked me pretty much every day. It felt so good Brad, God it felt good, but I ended up hating myself. I tried to stop but they'd find me, and I couldn't say no. Sometimes they were even nice to me, just to string me along.”

“So what happened? What made them stop?”

“The coach caught us one day after practice. He sent the others home but had me suspended. Since I was the one being fucked, he told me I was the faggot and that I was off the team. He called my Dad and told him.” His tears really flowed then.

“You know what my dad did?” He was hysterical now. I'd seen Frank in a frenzy. He seemed like a total asshole to me. God only knows what he did to Robbie. I looked at him as if trying to find the scars from the beating. “He hugged me, told me he loved me, told me that it wasn't my fault, and that he'd fight like hell for me. Can you believe that? He said he'd fight for me.” That was a shocker. I hadn't expected that. JP must have been a really good influence on this guy.

He was absolutely unhinged by now, just babbling now. It was all I could do to understand him. “I told him what happened, and that I'd ended up liking it, and that I thought I was gay. I figured that after that he'd disown me. I just wanted to die, Brad. The only thing going through my mind was how I was going to kill myself. I was too cowardly to cut my wrists or hang myself, so I'd pretty much decided on an overdose.” Wow. That must have made seeing those pictures of his uncle really freaky, I thought.

“But you know what he did?” That came out almost as a shriek. “He hugged me, told me that he loved me anyway, and then he gave me his car. He gave me his car! Can you believe that? I don't deserve a dad like that!” He broke down sobbing at that point. I just held him and stroked his beautiful blond hair. No wonder he'd freaked out in the shower. No wonder he'd panicked when I grabbed his erection. I found that I didn't feel guilty for doing it, because I didn't even know. But I felt so bad for him.

I broke into his thoughts. “So that's why your father wanted you to come out here. He knows my father is gay, so he knew you'd be in a supportive environment. Did he know that I was gay?”

He pulled himself together. “I don't think so, but he could tell that I had a total crush on you.” He blushed when he said that and that got him a smile.

“So that's why you freaked out when I wanted to take a shower with you?” He nodded. “So what happens when I want to make love to you? When it's my turn to make you feel amazing. Are you going to freak out on me?” I was being selfish, but telling myself that I was genuinely trying to help him out. I loved fucking guys. Being fucked was a blast, but I loved being the “fucker” much better. And now that I knew that he liked it, at least at some level, I couldn't wait to dive into his hot ass.

“Let's find out,” he said, and got up. He pulled me up gently and helped me walk back to my bedroom. We stripped off our clothes and it was weird. There was a lot of tension. I tried to analyze my feelings. This must be what it's like to do a porno. You know it's going to be a lot of fun but it feels pretty sterile. He rolled over on his stomach and lay there, inviting me to fuck him.

I moved up his legs with my mouth, nibbling on his legs, which made him giggle. His body is beautiful, but I discovered the most beautiful part of all when he spread his legs slightly. His taint was amazing. He had the perfect amount of hair there, just a dusting, with a perfect line extending from his balls to his hole. I lowered my mouth to his balls and started kissing and sucking on the back of them. Then I slowly moved my mouth up, relishing first the smell of his taint, and then the taste. He was getting into it now, but when I got to his ass, and ran my tongue gently around his rim, he lost it. He went nuts, trying to fuck his ass back into my mouth. I used my tongue to probe him, to explore this most private of his places, a place that had only been subjected to roughness, until he stopped me.

“Please Brad, God, you have to fuck me. Oh that feels so fucking good. So fucking good...”

“Turn over,” I ordered.

“Why?” he asked.

“I want to watch you while I fuck you. I want to see your beautiful body respond. I'm gonna make you cum like you've never cum before, and I want to watch it.” I used my huskiest voice, and it must have worked. He rolled over onto his back and grabbed his legs, exposing his pulsing hole to me.

I lubed my dick, and then his hole, making a point of probing him and hitting his spot. “Ahhhh,” he moaned, and a drop of cum appeared on the tip of his hard dick.

I lined my cock up to his hole and gently pushed in. He resisted a little, but not much. I never thought it would be this easy. I suddenly felt sorry for him. Those guys must have really drilled him. Those thoughts faded as I entered him and drove gently all the way in.

He felt amazing. I looked down at him; his beautiful body sprawled before me, welcoming my dick into its inner sanctum. I pistoned in and out of him slowly, wanting this to last. “God, Robbie, you feel amazing. I've never felt anything this good.”

“I wanted this so bad Brad,” he moaned. “God, how I wanted this. Oh yeah. Fuck me. Come on Brad. Faster. Harder.” After that he just started panting. Our eyes locked, and they didn't break that lock. I saw his face scrunching up in ecstasy, and then it relaxed into a general look of amazement, with his mouth making an “O” shape. His panting increased and I felt his ass quivering against my dick. I knew he was close, and I knew I was too. I felt my balls start to rise and I broke my eye lock with him and stared down at his dick just as it started to erupt.

He'd started to cum without either of us touching him, but as soon as he started he reached up and started jacking his cock as if he were trying to magnify and prolong his orgasm. After that it was a blur. I heard myself yell, a loud, animalistic roar, as my first shot exploded into his ass. I couldn't stop myself. I lost track of where he was, of his own contortions as I gave myself fully to the pleasure he gave me. When I was done, as my mind began clearing, I looked down, dreading what I would see. Would he freak out? Would he be totally upset? All I saw on his face was a huge grin.

“That was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced in my whole life,” he said emphatically. “We are gonna do this all the fucking time.”

I started laughing, even as I pulled out of his ass. “You're on.” I leaned down to him and kissed him tenderly, gently; the way that you kiss people that you love. “It was as good for me as it was for you.”

“No way,” he argued.

“Yes way,” I argued back. I was about to keep arguing when I heard the roar of the Ferrari as it drove up. He jumped up and grabbed a towel and wiped himself off while I threw on my clothes and hopped back out to the couch. By the time Billy and Lark made it inside, we had both made it into the front room, perfectly dressed and cleaned up. Except our panting gave us away.

“You seem to be out of breath,” Lark said playfully. “You two go jogging?”

“Nah, we just fucked each other's brains out,” I said straight faced, looking right at him. That seemed to strike Billy as being really funny and he started cracking up, and Lark joined him automatically. “Now what did you bring me to eat?”

July 16, 1980

I spooned up behind Robbie, just having fucked him for the fourth time. I figured that after the first time, it would become boring, but nothing could be further from the truth. We connected in a way that I never dreamed was possible. I wrapped my arms around him and nuzzled into his neck, my semi-hard cock still in his ass. “I love being close to you like this,” I murmured.

“You make me feel things I never thought possible,” he said with a sigh, and ground his ass back into me. I thought about Jake and his sweet ass, and how much I had enjoyed fucking him, or even Armand before that. Compared to Robbie, fucking those guys had been like beating off. As if reading my mind, he asked me the question all high school guys ask their partners: “So how many people have you had sex with?”

“Well, define sex. Do blow jobs count, or is it just fucking?”

“Just fucking,” he said.

I thought back to my sexual encounters, the ones that actually involved fucking: there was “Mickey Trotter,” Armand, Karen, Lark, Jake, and now Robbie. I looked at him, worried that it would be too much, but I decided that honesty was the best policy. “Six people. How about you?”

“Seven. I've got you beat by one.” I was so happy that he could joke about it. “I'd kind of like to keep it there.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You told me that we could be loyal to each other, or we could fuck around with other people. I'm telling you that you're all I need.”

That blew my mind. I'd just gotten it into my head that I'd be able to fuck around with Lark, and maybe even Jake, or there was that Jan guy, and now he wanted us to be exclusive. “That's a pretty big commitment. You sure you want to go there?” I asked him.

I think he sensed my reticence so he backed up. “You may be right. But that's where I'm at right now. If I'm moving too fast for you though, I'm cool with that.”

“Jake worries me,” I told him.

“Why?”

“Well first of all, I'm pissed off at him. When I fucked him before the party, I told him I was totally into you. He knew that but he still hit on you, got you to fuck him. That's not exactly the action of a friend.”

He squeezed his ass muscles, forcing my limp dick to pop out of his ass and making me giggle, and then he turned around so I could lie on his soft chest while he stroked my hair. I loved that. “I'm sorry, Brad. I didn't know that. He just caught me at a weak moment. I was so horny, so fired up for you, but I was so freaked out by my past...”

“I understand. I'm not mad at you.” I kissed his nipple and flicked it with my tongue playfully. “There's a little more to the story that you don't know.” I told him about my walk in the woods at the festival, about finding Sam pounding Jake, and about the plane flight home.

“That's some pretty heavy shit, Brad,” he said. “Jake is just a little slut. The fucker.” He was pissed off. “I hate guys like that, guys that just go around and fuck anyone.”

“I don't hate him, or guys like him,” I said probably too quickly. “I’ve always idolized Stefan, and he was like that at one time.”

“He went around just fucking other people's boyfriends?” Robbie asked, appalled.

“No, he pretty much went around fucking everyone,” I said. We both laughed. “Jake is a lot like him.”

“So why does he worry you? Just cut him out.”

“Cut him out of my life?” I asked. He nodded. “That seems a little cold to me. I have a feeling he's really going to need us in the near future. I don't think he's going to be able to stay in the closet.”

“So you're going to take care of him?” Robbie asked. I thought about that. Just like JP told me. I had adopted him, brought him into my fold, and the thought of him in trouble brought out the defender in me.

“I don't know. I don't know what to do about him.”

“So how does whatever you do about him affect us?” He demanded. That was an excellent question.

“I guess I'm worried that I'll end up in a situation where I care about him and those feelings spill over to my dick. Sex to him isn't about love, it's about fun. That's why sex with you is so much more amazing.”

“You telling me that you love me?” he asked, partly teasing, partly not.

“I thought we were talking about Jake,” I said, dodging the issue.

“I just changed the subject,” he shot back.

“I'm not sure,” I said honestly. I figured that would piss him off, or make him sad, but it didn't. He got a big grin on his face and turned away from me, sliding his ass against my rising dick.

“Maybe you just need some more quality time with me,” he said in a sultry voice that really turned me on.

“I think that's exactly what I need,” I cooed in his ear as my cock plunged into his ass again and I gave myself over to the bliss his body gave me. Somehow the topic of commitment, and Jake, and even my sore ankle were gone and all of my thoughts transferred to the middle of my body

We were lying there, spent, when there was a loud knock on the door. I instinctively jumped up to go answer it and landed on my ankle, which caused me to emit a loud cry (I screamed my fucking head off) and fall on the floor. Robbie looked at me, confused, trying to decide whether to help me or to unlock the door. “Just unlock the door, will ya,” I grumbled as I pulled myself back up into bed. My ankle really hurt. Fuck!

Lark came bustling in, looking at Robbie with a towel around his waist and me in bed. He sniffed and crinkled up his nose. “Gross. It smells like my jerk sock in here.” I laughed, but still felt the color rising to my face.

“Have a seat,” I said.

“No fucking way.” He sniffed again. “Yuck.”

“Well then what do you want?”

He smiled. “I'm hungry. Billy and I were thinking about getting something for lunch.”

“I have to go home,” I told him. They all looked disappointed. “Don't give me that fucking hang dog look,” I yelled at them. I was in pain and pissed off. “I'm the one who gets to go visit the fucking doctor. He'll probably try to stick his finger in my ass again.” That cracked them up.

“I heard you usually ask him to do it,” Billy said. Little shit.

“So I'm thinking that Robbie could drive me back and you guys can stay here for as long as you want.” I saw Robbie's eyes light up at that, but not Lark's.

“Well, we were talking about bailing too. My plan was for me to drive you back and for Robbie and Billy to hang together on the way home,” Lark said. I looked first to Robbie. He looked disappointed but he nodded slightly.

“Sounds good. Can I take a shower first? And then I want food.”

Lark grinned. The poor guy just wanted some time with his best friend. “Try not to cripple yourself again.”

“Fuck you,” I said as I got out of bed and started hopping to the bathroom. Robbie rushed over to help me, and I saw Lark smirking at us in the mirror. Still, if I didn't know better, I'd think there was tinge of jealousy in there too.

Robbie helped me into the shower and then turned on the water. I was kind of depressed about that. I thought maybe he'd gotten beyond that with me. I grudgingly started washing myself only to hear a bunch of clunking around as he brought a stool in for me to sit on.

“Thanks,” I said. “You OK with being in here, with me?”

“OK? OK? I'm pretty excited about it.” He smiled big and moved up behind me, and he started to wash me seductively. About 20 minutes and a pair of orgasms later, we both stepped out of the shower clean and satisfied.

“You're not pissed that Lark's driving me, are you?” I asked. I was worried that he'd get his feelings hurt, especially after going through the emotional upheavals of talking about his past.

“No, it's cool. He's your best friend, and you need to spend time with him. He's the kind of guy who can be a lot of fun, but he's kind of high maintenance. You don't hang with him; he's going to hate me.”

I thought about that. It was a pretty good description of Lark. He brought so much to a friendship, and so much to a group, but there was a price. I thought about how he'd reacted to Doug. I sure didn't want him to react that way to Robbie.

We had a casual lunch at a burger place, and then Lark grabbed my keys. No manual shifting for me for a while, I thought. Robbie helped me hobble into the car, and with that we were off.

“This is one bad machine!” Lark said, as he pushed the Ferrari over Highway 17.

“It is!” I agreed. “The best present ever. Just don't wrap us around a pole.”

“You got it Mr. Cripple.” He got concerned all of a sudden: “You want me to stop by the hospital?”

“No. I'll get my mom to take me. She likes doing that kind of emergency shit. Otherwise I'll just have Rafael drive me down.”

He got really nervous, and I knew there was something on his mind. There really wasn't any outward sign; it was just an intuitive thing. “You OK with Robbie?” I asked.

“Yeah. He's a little loud when you fuck him, but I like the guy,” Lark said, with a straight face. He saw my expression and started laughing. “Oh God, Brad, that feels so good. Come on, fuck me harder,” he mimicked.

“You know, it's a beautiful day, an awesome car, and you're trying to piss me off. I don't get it.” I shot back playfully.

“I like him B. He seems like a cool guy. Just remember to make some time for me, though. We're still best buds, right?”

“Always. I have to get better so we can hit the waves in SoCal after that concert.” He grinned big. Surfing, our ultimate bond. “Before Doug weirded out on me, he told me about a great place in Newport. Maybe we can fit that in.”

“Works for me. But I'm happy at Stef's. Waves around Malibu work pretty well too, so we can just stick around Stef's house. Plus driving down there can be a bitch. Fucking traffic.” He smiled at me, a huge grin. “Driving can be a bitch here too, but not in this car.” I grinned back at him and ran my fingers across the taut leather seats.

Lark car-flirted with some girls as we came out of the hills, and then I saw him pull up next to a lowered Datsun and I just cringed. Jan. I looked over at him, saw his handsome Dutch features, his great teeth grinning as he saw me, and just nodded. He waved, and motioned for us to exit with him. I used primitive sign language to try and blow him off. I pointed to my watch and held up my hand to my ear in the universal “call me” sign.

“Alright man-slut, who the fuck was that?” Lark asked.

“I don't question you about all of your freeway hookups,” I teased back.

“Yeah, but you knew that guy.”

“Remember the flat tire?” I asked. He looked at me with raised eyebrows. “That was the guy.” Brad started cracking up.

“He is pretty good looking,” he allowed.

“Oh yeah. You switch hitting?”

That shut him up. “Only with one guy, and only when he can sneak away from his boyfriend.” I reached over and grabbed his leg in a friendly but suggestive manner and grinned. What would happen with Lark if I did get into an exclusive deal with Robbie? Could I still fuck around with him? Did I have to be honest with him?

“Robbie asked me if I wanted to be exclusive, not fuck around,” I said, throwing it out there.

“What did you say?” Lark asked cautiously.

“I told him I'd think about it. There's only one other guy out there that really tempts me though,” I said, leering at him.

“Thanks B. But you got it for this guy bad. Don't let me hold you back.”

“Yeah, but I got it bad for you too Lark, it's just different, that's all.” I knew that didn't come out right. “I know you're straight, and I'm cool with that, but I like playing around. It makes me feel closer to you.” I think he ended up catching my meaning.

“You love him?” he asked.

“I'm not sure.” I paused. “I guess if I go down that road I've got three choices. We can stop fucking around, I can tell him about you and that I'm gonna keep blowing you every chance I get, or we can just not tell him what we do.”

“It's kind of nice to have our own secret,” he said as he reached over and stroked my leg. I thought back to my history classes. If I was Achilles, Lark was my heel.