Be Rad - 18. Chapter 18

August 2, 1980

I heard Stefan banging on my door. “Rise and shine boys! Time to go shopping!” Lark moaned. I elbowed him and headed to the shower to wash off the cum from last night and to get my hair in order. The 80's had ushered in shorter hair, which was really cool, but I still needed to wash it and style it in the morning for it to look right. Lark wasn't nearly as worried about it, but then, his thick hair almost always looked perfect. I found him wolfing down food in the kitchen. Alice was thrilled to see us too. “Eat quickly sweeties, we have an appointment in 30 minutes and there's traffic!” Stefan nagged.

We groaned and headed out to a boutique on Rodeo Drive. Stefan apparently knew the people there, and they decked us out in new suits, dark and conservative as was the style now. Then to Gucci for shoes and belts. Then lunch at some chic restaurant, then back to pick up our suits and get some cuff links. It was a whirlwind.

“Thanks for the clothes Stef,” Lark said carefully. He was always a little uncomfortable when we spent money on him. It's not like his family couldn't afford to clothe him, it was just habit. Since he was my friend and he was with me, he was just tossed into the mix.

We spent the afternoon surfing. The waves were OK, matching my melancholy mood. It was fun, not great, but fun. I missed Robbie. I wanted him to be here with me. I wanted to see him all dressed up to go to the premier of Xanadu with me. But when it came to surfing, Lark was my buddy, so I focused on that and let it go.

The opening was quite the gala event. All of the stars of the movie were there, including Olivia Newton John, and we had great seats. Unfortunately the movie was just like my whole day and my whole mood: mediocre.

“So what did you think?” Greg asked as we climbed into the limo after the film.

“It was OK,” I said, and Lark nodded in agreement.

“Just OK?” he said.

“Yeah. You weren't involved in this one were you?” I asked.

“No,” he said with a smile. “I missed this one. They'll be lucky if they get their money back, if you ask me.”

August 9, 1980

It had been a nice week, but I was ready to go home. Stef was sad to see us leave; there were tears in his eyes as he hugged us both. Whenever I left here I felt selfish for not spending more time with him, but I guess it would be healthier to just enjoy the good times we had without the recriminations.

“I am thinking of coming up to check on your father soon, so I will see you then,” he said with an evil grin. Why couldn't Robbie and I have a relationship like he and Greg did where there were certain people you were allowed to fuck around with? Because we are 17, I thought.

“That was a lot of fun,” Lark said as we zipped out of Malibu and headed north on the Pacific Coast Highway (PCH).

“Yeah it was. The waves weren't as good as I remember from last year though.”

“I don't know,” he said. “I think they were pretty fucking great.”

“Well, we got some good exercise,” I said.

“You referring to the bedroom?” he teased. We'd fucked around pretty much every night, but I realized that it didn't really have meaning for me. It was almost the same as giving him a back rub. Another interesting discovery I'd made was that I didn't really concern myself with his feelings about it. Not that I'm being a dick, but his story was that he's a straight boy fucking around, so I accepted that at face value. Still, when he fucked me there was a lot of feeling in it, and I could see where Robbie was coming from, but those feelings had died in me. He was my best friend, but I was not in love with him. And that, in and of itself, was a revelation, and very liberating.

We drove along with Lark chattering away and I longed for the contented silence that Robbie and I shared. I was resolved, determined, to do everything I could to win him back when I got home.

The drive seemed to last forever. I had to pretend to be sad when I dropped Lark off, but I was relieved to be free of his constant talking. He meant well, but he was driving me fucking crazy. I drove up to the gates and they opened for me automatically, and then I was home, home where I could shield myself from the outside world.

I drove up to the garage and noticed another car there. A Chevy Monza. Jake's car. I felt my anger rising, my rage as I slammed the car door. I caught myself and tried to cool down, but it didn't work. That fucker didn't belong in our house. I stormed in through the kitchen and ran into my father who looked worried.

“Good to see you,” he said with a smile that wasn't forced.

“Good to see you too Dad. Is Jake here?”

“He is.”

I was pissed. “What the fuck is he doing here? That little skank ruined our lives.”

“He's here visiting Robbie.” I made to storm off but JP grabbed me. “He has a right to have friends over.”

I shook him free. “Not if that friend is evil incarnate.” I stormed down the hall to Robbie's room and listened for the tell-tale moaning but I heard nothing. I tried the door and it wasn't locked. I pushed it open so hard it slammed against the wall. They were in the bed, well actually on the bed; Robbie was just wearing boxers while Jake was fully clothed, with Robbie hugging him. Robbie looked up at me, angry, and Jake looked at me, terrified.

“Don't you knock?” Robbie said caustically.

“Can I have a word with you?” I asked him. There was fire in my eyes and my voice, and that seemed to take him aback. Jake cowered behind him. “In private!” I demanded. He shrugged and followed me to my room.

“What the fuck is he doing here?” I screamed.

“He's my friend, and he's having a rough time. He came to me for support.”

“I don't want him in this house, I don't want him near any members of my family, and I don't want him near you, although I realize I don't have any control over that.” I was yelling really loud, so I'm sure Jake heard me.

He glared at me. “What makes you think you can dictate to me who I can and can't have over?”

I pushed him hard and slammed him against the wall. “Do you know what that little shit did to my father? Do you know? He stole his fucking partner away.”

“I was in Claremont when that happened. I know the story. Aren't you being a little melodramatic?”

“Did you know that Dad went to see Sam? Did you know that when he got there Jake was there? Getting his brains fucked out, the little slut. So now the chasm between them is wider still. He fucked you when he knew I liked you, he's a fucking home wrecker.” He swallowed hard. “Is it too much to ask that you not invite scum like that into our house?”

He looked into my eyes and I struggled to control my emotions. What the fuck was wrong with me? “I'm sorry. I didn't know. He's having some problems with his boyfriend and he just wanted someone to talk to.”

“Who's his boyfriend?” I asked.

“He didn't say. I'm guessing it's Sam?” He looked irritated now too. He put his hand on my face, gently, lovingly. I felt the tears well up inside of me. What the fuck was wrong with me? I had to get a grip.

“Look Robbie, I'm sorry I freaked out on you. You didn't know. It's just that I know how hard this is on my father. Jake hurt him, and no one does that and gets away with it.”

“You fight for the people you love,” he said softly. I nodded.

“I need a shower. Will you please get rid of him? If you want to be friends, well, I have no right to interfere, but please keep him away from here. This is the only sanctuary I have.” I sounded desperate. I was. I almost ran into my bathroom. I sat on the toilet, slowly trying to regain control. I did what I always do, compartmentalize all of the issues and shut them down. I climbed into the shower and let the warm water flow over me, relishing the refreshing feel of it. I let my tears flow now, because no one would see them.

The shower door slid open and I turned around thinking it was Jake, ready to kill him, only to find Robbie there. Nude, gorgeous Robbie, in the shower with me. Fight the emotions. What the fuck was wrong with me? I hugged him tight and just let the water flow over both of us while I bawled like a baby on his shoulder.

“It's OK Brad, he's gone. It's OK.” he cooed reassuringly in my ear.

I pulled away and looked into his eyes, those beautiful violet eyes, and read his mind, read how much he missed me. Our lips locked and our hormones kicked in. I felt his body shift as he turned away from me, giving me access to his most private of places, inviting me inside him. When I penetrated him it felt like I was home, like I was where I belonged. I couldn't stop myself; I started babbling in his ear as I made love to him.

“I missed you so much Robbie,” I whispered into his ear, and then nibbled on his ear lobe. “You are all I think about, being inside of you like this, being one with you.” I heard a soft moan, a soft scream, escape from his mouth. I reached around and stroked his hard cock. He went to stop me but he was too late and I inadvertently stroked him to orgasm. The feel of his cock throbbing in my hand and his ass quivering around my dick as he shot was enough to send me over the edge too, though, so all's well that ends well. We got out of the shower and dried off and I dragged him to my bed.

“You really scared me there,” he said. “I've never seen you so upset.”

“I'm really sorry about that. This is your house too. I got home and I saw how sad my Dad was at him being here and I just lost it.”

“I need to apologize to him too. I didn't know about any of this. I feel so bad. He must be so upset...” he was doing that babbling thing again so I kissed him to shut him up.

He looked at the painting, the one I'd done after Yosemite. “That's really dark and really sad. Depressing as hell. You should get rid of that one.”

“That's the one I painted when we got back from Yosemite and you told me that we couldn't be together anymore.”

He swallowed hard. “You got over me pretty quickly. Did you and Lark have fun in LA?” He tried to hide the bitterness but he couldn't.

“We kind of did.”

“Did you blow him again?”

“Yeah, I did.” He moved as if to get up and leave but I held him tight to me.

“Let me go,” he almost yelled.

“No. I'm never letting you go.”

“What? What the fuck is wrong with you? You go off with Lark and fuck around for a week and then come back here and tell me that I'm the one you want to be with?”

“Yep,” I said. He looked at me, confused.

“What happened?”

“Nothing really. It was a nice time, good surfing, but all I could think about the whole time was you. And when I had sex with Lark, it was just a release; it didn't mean anything, not like it does when I'm with you.”

“Until someone better comes along,” he mumbled.

“Nope. There is no one better. You are gorgeous, a body to die for, and we are so good in bed together, and I love being with you.”

“It doesn't seem that way sometimes.”

“I guess things moved really fast with us. It went from, you know, buds, not even really friends, to a major infatuation, to lovers really quick. And I guess for a bit I felt kind of, well, smothered. Like I had to be in charge, I had to make all the decisions. Like you were just an appendage I was carrying around.” I could tell I hurt his feelings. Fuck. “But it was just me falling in love with you and getting used to you.”

“So now you think that since you sowed your wild oats you can come back here and we can be together like we were in Yosemite?”

“Yeah, I do. I know I can make you happy, and I know you can make me happy. We belong together. Tell me, honestly, have you enjoyed the past week since we got back from Yosemite? Did you miss me? Do you think about me all the time like I think about you?”

He blushed and looked irritated at the same time. I had to stop myself from laughing at him. “It takes time to get over someone.”

“You didn't answer my question.”

He looked into my eyes. “Yeah I fucking missed you, and yeah I've been fucking miserable without you, and yeah I think about you all the fucking time. Is that what you want to hear?”

“Yep,” I said, smiling at him.

“I still can't trust you.”

I hid my irritation. It wasn't supposed to be this hard, was it? Wasn't I supposed to come home, sweep him off his feet, and we'd just be in love again and it would be perfect? “How can I prove it to you?”

“I don't know. All I know is that I've started to get a grip on myself, to get control of my life and emotions. Tryouts went great and I made the team, started making some of my own friends. I don't want to go back to the way I was, being your lapdog.”

“I don't want you to be my lapdog either. I want you to be my partner.” I’d really planned for this to go much better.

“No,” he said simply. “At least not now.”

There was something else there, something different. “What happened? Did you hook up with someone else while I was gone? Jake?”

He gulped. “No, not Jake. He tried to get me to fuck him, but after the last time there was no way I could go there.”

“Who then?”

“I don't know if you know him or not. Some guy who just joined the football team. Doug Childers.” All I could do is stare at him.

“Brad, are you OK? What's wrong?”

I buried my face in his chest while I tried to sort out this latest revelation. I pulled away and looked up at him. “What did you do with him?”

He blushed again. “We just blew each other. I swear that's all. He says he's not gay, he's just horny.”

“Yeah, he said that to me too, when we were hanging out together. That's before you and I met. Doug and I went down to LA and got really fucked up one night and he overheard me telling Stefan that I liked him. So since I wouldn't play his bullshit ‘I’m not really gay I'm just fucking around because I'm horny’ game, he left LA without saying a word and flew back here.”

“Wow. What an asshole.”

“Yeah, but then I treated him like total shit. We were at a party and he came up to me, called me a fag, told me he was going to out me in front of everyone.”

“What did you do?”

I looked away from him. I couldn't stand to look him in the eyes. I still felt guilty for ruining Doug's life. “I told everyone at the party that he was the one who was gay. He was hanging out with Lark and they were all into each other, and I was with Karen, so it came off perfectly.”

“So that's why some of the guys on the team avoid him,” he said. I nodded. “That was a pretty shitty thing to do to him,” he pronounced.

“I know. It was either him or me, and I decided it should be him.”

“He still likes you.”

“What?” I said, shocked.

“He told me that he knew you and that you were a good guy and a lot of fun.”

“He said that?”

“Yeah. He did.”

“He would,” I tossed out bitterly. “He and his family, they're social climbers. I heard his mother gave him all kinds of shit because they didn't get invited to our Bastille Day party, and because she can't seem to get into the Junior League.”

“Did you block her from getting in?” he asked.

“I'm assuming Tonto did. She controls that organization with an iron fist,” I said with a smile.

“So you ruined his life and his family too?”

“That's how it works Robbie. We stick together. Someone hurts me or my family, we strike back.” This was as simple a concept to me as being gracious at parties. The family was the entity, not the individual.

“Whatever. I think that's really shitty.”

“Well, I don't give a shit whether you like it or not, that's how it is. Besides, if I was as big a bastard as you think, he wouldn't even be here anymore.”

“You'd have him killed?” he gasped.

“No, dumbass. His father works for Comcalc and Stef is on the Board, owns about a quarter of their stock. A word from him and Doug's dad is gone, probably not just from Comcalc, but from the Bay Area.”

“Fuck. Comcalc is huge. No wonder he doesn't worry about money,” Robbie said, thinking about Stefan and not me and my evil ways. “I'm glad you didn't run Doug’s dad out of town.”

“You like him that much, huh?” I asked sadly.

“I like him. We're just friends now, plus we play around a little bit.” The thought of Robbie and Doug together, the thought of Doug fucking Robbie, threatened to send me over the edge.

“Let's spend some time together tomorrow. Let's go up to the City and wander around.” I thought that maybe if I could get him to spend time with me, he'd realize how much he loved me.

“I'm supposed to go out with him tomorrow night,” he said.

“So cancel,” I said. I could see him struggling with this. “Unless you want to go. Unless you like him more than you like me.”

“That's a shitty thing to say. I like him, I told you that. It's not a comparison contest.” But even though he was mad, even though he was pissed at me, when he looked at me with big eyes I could still read his mind and I knew I'd nailed the problem. While I was gone Doug had been making the moves on Robbie and now Robbie was infatuated with him.

“Would you rather be with him or with me?” I demanded.

He paused to think about it, which really pissed me off. This should be an easy question. But it wasn't easy for me when he asked about Lark, and the fact that he took time to think about it before giving me some quick promise was reassuring. “I like being with you better, although God knows why, but I told him I'd go out with him, so I'm going.”

“So spend the day with me tomorrow. Then spend the night with him.” I realized the implication of that statement and so did he. I saw his concern for my feelings.

“Alright,” he said with a smile, heading back to his room.

“Where the fuck do you think you're going?” I demanded.

“To bed,” he said, surprised.

I pointed to the clock. “It's already tomorrow somewhere in the world. Get your ass back in here.” I was being playful and he knew it.

“Why?” he asked, feigning ignorance.

I grabbed him and tossed him on the bed. “Because I'm going to fuck it again. Maybe a couple of times. If nothing else, I'll make sure you're too sore for Doug.”

“I haven't fucked him,” he said, looking into my eyes.

“Yet,” I said, and a tear fell down my face, pissing me off. His lip quivered, I knew he didn't want to hurt me, but I was tired of worrying about this, about thinking about it, I just needed to fuck him. So I did. And then I made love to him.

August 10, 1980

I woke up in the morning exhausted. We had fucked all night. It was like we were both drowning men grabbing for a life raft. I ran the towel over my body quickly, still panting from our latest encounter in the shower. He wrapped his towel around his waist and headed to his room to get ready while I did my morning routine: put on deodorant, got dressed, fixed my unruly hair, brushed my teeth, and made sure I looked as good as I could.

I beat Robbie into the kitchen and found Tonto at her normal place at the table. I gave her a warm hug and a kiss.

“Well it's about time you decided to spend some time at home.”

I smiled at her indulgently. “You missed me?”

“Of course I missed you. You know you're my favorite grandson, at least now that Stefan never comes to see me anymore.”

“He told me he was planning a visit soon. Why don't you go down and see him?”

“And get on that plane again? It hurts my ears, and I'm getting too old to just traipse all over the place.”

“Tonto, flying on a private jet is hardly tough duty. You want to go see him? I'll go with you. Maybe even Robbie can go.”

“That's great. Then I'll be right in the middle of your soap opera.” That was irritating. I didn't realize that my love life had become such a focus for our household.

“You love drama. It will be fun. Think about it.” Robbie came in and sat down to wolf down some food. “We're taking our traveling soap opera to the City today,” I told her. He looked at me strangely.

“You two do such a good job of acting like you don't want to be together, you’d better be careful. You may win an Oscar.” He looked at me wide-eyed, a sandwich stuffed in his mouth.

“I'm not acting. I love him. He's just holding out for someone better,” I told her. He stared at me horrified, and tried to talk with his mouth full. “Didn't your mother teach you any manners?” I chided. “Don't talk with your mouth full.”

“Well if he's waiting for someone better he's a complete idiot,” Tonto said, talking about Robbie like he wasn't in the room.

“I couldn't agree with you more.” Robbie looked a little pissed off, so I lightened the mood. “He's a smart guy though, he'll figure it out. Besides, I'm irresistible.”

“Alright Mr. Irresistible, you ready to show me a good time on the town?” he asked.

“I am. What time do you have to be home for your date?”

He glared at me, really pissed at that. “I have to leave here at 7PM.”

“Let's go,” I told him. We headed out front where Rafael was waiting for us with the limo.

“No Ferrari?” he asked.

“No. The City is best without a car. Rafael's going to drop us off and we can bum around from there.” He smiled. That idea seemed to appeal to him.

“Oh shit, I forgot something. Hop in, I'll be right there.” He dashed into the house and left me waiting in the car, getting really pissed. I mean, we didn't have all that much time anyway. It didn't seem fair to waste it.

It took him 15 minutes before he bounded into the car. I took a deep breath, suppressing my irritation. He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye. He was planning something. “What?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he said. I rolled my eyes and took out a joint and lit it. The pot relaxed and mellowed me, and did the same to him.

“Where would you like me to drop you off?” Rafael asked from the front.

“How about Fisherman's Wharf,” I said.

“When do you want me to pick you up?” he asked.

“How about midnight,” Robbie said. I just stared at him. What about his date? He grinned at me. “I canceled my plans for tonight.”

I smiled so big I thought my face was going to break. “Midnight it is. At the Mark Hopkins Hotel,” I told him. Rafael pulled up next to Pier 39 and we hopped out. I got tickets to go to Alcatraz and we boarded the boat and headed over to the island. We stood there, side by side, leaning on the rail and staring at the City as it expanded before our eyes.

“This reminds me of us,” I told him.

“What?”

“This view. The further away we get, the sheer size and majesty is apparent. The beauty, the perfection, so obvious. It's only up close that the details, the small shit, fuck it up.”

“So you say Mr. Sweet Talker.”

“Why did you cancel with Doug?” I asked.

“Because I wanted to be with you.”

“Be with me how?” I asked.

“Come on Brad; let's just enjoy each other OK. I love being with you, whether it's on this boat, in Yosemite, or especially in bed.” He blushed a little when he said that. “Can't we have a good time without arguing about whether we're boyfriends or not?”

“Yeah, we can,” I said, and did something I never thought I'd do. I leaned in and kissed him on the lips, a long, passionate kiss. I broke the embrace and looked out of the corner of my eye to see shocked tourists. One lady was protectively covering the eyes of her son, who looked to be about ten years old.

“That's disgusting,” said a guy with an accent that sounded like it came from the South, probably Oklahoma.

I looked at him calmly. Then I grabbed Robbie and kissed him again, with even more passion, and only broke the embrace when the man stalked off and went below.

“What if someone we know sees us?” Robbie asked.

“You know, that used to worry me, but it doesn't any more. There are places like this,” I said, gesturing toward San Francisco, “that will accept us for who we are.” I thought about that. So what if everyone at Gunn knew I was a fag? Let them say what they wanted. Ace could handle it. So could Billy, and Lark, and Claire. I felt brave and empowered.

“Hey faggot!” I heard. Robbie and I turned to look at the hick tourist that had vanished. He had a fire extinguisher in his hand and he slammed it into Robbie's face, knocking him back, over the rail, and into the Bay. A woman screamed, and I glared at him, wondering what to do, kick his ass or save Robbie. It only took me a millisecond to make that decision and I was over the side, diving into the frigid bay (even in August) looking frantically for Robbie.