Be Rad - 38. Chapter 38

November 23, 1980

Doug stayed late on Saturday and we had a blast. He liked oral sex and so did I, so after that one fuck we'd gone back to blowing each other. I'd forgotten how much fun I had just hanging out with him. But we were just friends, friends that fucked around. I felt free, like a bird let out of its cage, but I also felt lonely. I guess that's the deal.

Robbie tried to talk to me yesterday but I ignored him. When he finally cornered me I told him to fuck off. He looked hurt and sad, but I didn't care. I was hurt too, only I wasn't going to let that show through. Right now, I was focused on being angry. Angry was more liberating than hurt. Angry made me strong. Still, it was getting harder. It's hard to maintain anger for a long period of time, or at least for me it is. And now that my anger was starting to fade, I could feel the pain starting to pound at the door, begging to be let out and torture me.

I was confused about how to handle this. I'd never really been “in love” before Robbie, and we'd been through so much together I had grown complacent in that relationship. I guess I banked on us being together. And now that we weren't, I really didn't know what to do. So I did the one thing that usually eased my pain: I headed to my studio to paint.

I walked in and found Dan and Mouse in an embrace, thrusting against each other, clearly in the beginning stages of foreplay. They broke apart when they saw me. I locked the door behind me and walked toward them. “You guys are hot. I want to watch you.”

Mouse blushed and Dan grinned. Dan kissed Mouse again and Mouse just melted into him, wrapping himself around Dan. They pulled apart, connected only by their lips, as they started to pull their clothes off. I'd seen Dan in a bathing suit before. He had a nice body. Some muscles, slim enough, with two cute little dime sized nipples. I licked my lips, wanting to go suck on them. Then his pants were down, and his light brown bush framed his nice cock perfectly. I found that I wasn't watching Mouse at all. My eyes were on Dan.

Dan leaned over and whispered something to Mouse and Mouse nodded. “Hey Brad, join us,” Dan said. I didn't need a second invitation. I stripped off my clothes, feeling their eyes on me, and when I was done I walked over to them. Dan grabbed my dick and stroked it, while Mouse fell to his knees and started sucking on Dan. Dan pulled me to him, forcing our lips to mesh again, and I felt that same lightning strike that I felt the first time. It was intense, really intense, and I had to make sure to remember that Mouse was in the room. I felt Mouse's tongue on my dick, then his mouth, as he switched from Dan to me. Nothing was as intense as the kiss with Dan though. There was something magical there. Our lips moved in perfect rhythm.

Mouse turned himself around, offering his ass to Dan. I broke off and got some lube and got Dan's dick nice and slick, and then he slid into Mouse. The look of ecstasy on Mouse's face was priceless. Dan handed me the lube. “Fuck me,” he said.

“Are you sure?” I asked. I guess I assumed that he was the “top.”

“Fuck him Brad. He likes it,” chirped Mouse.

Dan drove into him hard. “I'm not the only one.”

I lubed myself up and used my fingers to work Dan's hole. He wasn't very tight. This wasn't his first rodeo. I lined my dick up and entered him slowly, letting him do most of the work as he pulled out of Mouse. He leaned back into me and put his mouth next to my ear. “This is my dream, my fantasy.” I drove into him, matching my thrusts to his. “I'm gonna cum,” he moaned into my ear. “I'm gonna cum.”

“Yeah baby, blast that load,” I said softly back to him. That we were talking softly was intensely erotic. When he came he stifled his moans, keeping his mouth closed, and just blasted into Mouse. I felt his ass quivering around my dick and felt myself losing it as I blew into him. He was done, but I grabbed his hips and hammered away while I came. Mouse followed right after me, using his own hand to milk himself dry.

“Damn guys. Thanks. That was a lot of fun,” I said as I put my clothes back on and sat on my stool.

“Will Robbie be mad?” Mouse asked, concerned.

“We have, uh, redefined our relationship,” I told him.

“Is that why there was paint all over the place on Friday?”

“Yeah. Thanks for cleaning it up Mouse. That was really nice of you.” He had gotten the whole place spic and span.

“No problem. It's almost a shame that you're not pissed off more often. The painting was really cool.” I grinned at him.

“So what happened?” Dan asked.

“He wanted to be able to have sex with other guys,” I said. I didn't go into the details.

“Then he's an idiot,” Dan said. He got a weird look from Mouse.

I focused on the painting that I'd started when I was so pissed. I did some more Pollock-like dropping to fill in the voids. In the end, when I was done, I was pretty pleased. I looked around and discovered that I was all alone. I must have been so absorbed in my painting that I didn't even hear Dan and Mouse leave. I sighed and cleaned up my brushes.

“Hey,” I heard, and looked up to find Robbie standing in front of me.

“Hello,” I said more formally.

“Nice painting,” he said looking at it. “You were pissed when you did it.”

“Did you come up here to look at my artwork?” I asked caustically.

“No, I came up here to see you. You have plans for the evening?”

“I'm not sure. Why?” I asked.

“I was thinking we could do something. Just you and me.” He was trying to be nice, but I wasn't ready to be nice yet.

“Don't you have a fucking scheduled or something?” I demanded. I saw that hit him like a blow. He was trying to be nice. I relented. “Look Robbie, you totally fucked me over. At least that's how I see it. The only way I can deal with that is to kill off my feelings for you until they match our friendship.”

“I don't want you to kill off your feelings for me.”

“Yes you do. I'm not the guy for you. If I were, you would have shown some remorse over letting Gary fuck you, and you would have promised never to let it happen again and you would have actually meant it. You didn't. And that was a choice.”

“I was just trying to be honest with you. Doesn't that count for something?”

He was pleading with me, hurting as I was. It would be so easy to ease our pain. “It counts. That's why you still have all of your limbs,” I said, joking. “You made me feel like a fucking idiot, like I was out there behaving myself while you were the town cum bucket. I know I'm exaggerating,” I said, holding up my hand, “but I'm not in the mood to dance around.”

“It's not like that. It's just one guy, one guy who's a lot of fun. It doesn't mean anything.”

“Whatever. I'm actually enjoying myself. I've gotten laid more this weekend than I have in a long time, and I'm having a fucking blast. If you want, maybe I'll stop by and fuck you once in a while.” I pushed past him and headed downstairs to my room. I took another shower; I seemed to feel dirty all the time these days.

Sunday night dinners were always special, and unless we were out of town, we were expected to be there. I got there just as the grandfather clock struck 7pm, right on time, and I was the last one to sit down. I sat next to Robbie as I always did, and smiled at everyone as I usually did.

“Stefan promised me that he'd be up tomorrow,” Tonto said. “I'm sure he had some Hollywood orgy to go to first.”

“Is he planning to stay through the whole weekend?” I asked. Thursday was Thanksgiving, so we'd have a long weekend.

“He doesn't clear his travel plans through me,” Tonto groused.

“Why did you ask?” JP said.

“I was thinking about going down there for the rest of the weekend. A change of pace.”

“Will you two have room on the plane for us?” Claire asked.

“Sure. I'm the only one going. Robbie has plans this weekend with some of his teammates.” He looked at me and sighed. “You'll have more fun here anyway,” I said, taunting him. To the inexperienced eye, I was being polite in a sterile kind of way, but these people had eyes that were more experienced than that. The tension in the air became thick, as people realized there was a big problem between us.

After dinner everyone scattered and I went back to my room for some solace. I picked up the phone and tried to call Stef but he wasn't there, so I just left a message. I sighed and got up. I tried to pretend that this whole thing with Robbie wasn't bothering me, but it was. I needed someone I could talk to, someone who would help me understand. That would normally be Stef, but he wasn't there. So that meant my father.

I headed to his study and was about to enter when I heard voices inside. I moved closer but off to the side into an alcove where I could eavesdrop. Listening in on other people's conversations wasn't polite, but I recognized the voice, and that overrode any sense of decency. Robbie was in there talking to JP.

“So you had sex with this young man because he made you feel good, because the mechanics of the sex were good?” JP asked him.

“Yeah.” Robbie uttered that one word, and then hesitated. “When Brad and I have sex, it's beautiful; it's wonderful, we make love.” He hesitated again. “When Gary fucks me, it's rough and raw; it brings out the animal in me.”

“You don't see why Brad is so upset about this?” Robbie didn't say anything, so I assumed he must have just nodded. “To you, you're just asking to redefine the boundaries of your relationship so you can incorporate Gary into it. It's no big deal to you, right?” More silence; presumably another nod.

“How do you think Brad looks at this? What do you think he feels when you tell him this?” I heard JP say this, and I wanted to say “it makes him feel like shit,” but I kept quiet.

“I figured he'd be OK with it. I mean, I like it, and I figured that he'd want me to enjoy myself and all.” Robbie didn't sound convinced.

“So now he's gone off and had sex with a few other guys, and that bothers you?”

“Not that he's having sex with them, but that he's not with me anymore.” Robbie sounded really devastated by that.

“Robbie, you are such a bright young man, but you seem to be completely oblivious about this. You have hit Brad right in the two spots that men, especially young men, are the most sensitive.”

“I was just being honest with him,” Robbie whined. There was a pause, and then he asked, “What two spots?”

“You told him that this Gary made you feel good, and that you weren't willing to give him up. You just told Brad that he wasn't a good enough lover to keep you happy.” JP paused for impact. “You insulted his sexual prowess, his male ego, and you insulted his pride. Brad is a very proud person. There aren't many places you can hit him where you'll get a worse response.”

That was intensely interesting. Was I too prideful? JP didn't seem to think that, but maybe he just didn't bring that into their conversation. What was even more interesting was that he was right. I was proud, and any attempts by people to diminish me usually elicited a pretty violent response.

“I didn't mean to do that! That's not it at all. Brad is an amazing lover. I mean, I, uh, it's weird talking to a guy's father about how great his son is in bed, but he is amazing.” His voice had changed, and his sincerity put a smile on my face. “Gary was just different, that's all. I don't really want Brad to fuck me like that. I like what we do.” There was silence now. “What do I do? How do I get him to forgive me?”

“Well, you may want to talk to Stef when he's here. He and Brad have a very deep bond, and Stef seems to be the most in tune to his feelings.” I smiled at that. My relationship with Stef was so cool. “But it seems to me that you want him to forgive you, but you haven't even said you're sorry yet.”

“You're right,” Robbie said, sulking.

“Bradley has a pretty strong temper. He'll need to sort this through and calm down. You have to let his anger ebb so he can figure out his own feelings. When he's ready to talk, to figure this out, he'll come to you.” That was even more interesting. Fuck, he knew me as well as I knew him. And he was right. Seeing Robbie now just pissed me off. It dawned on me that their conversation was ending, and that I was going to be busted big time if I didn't get the fuck out of there. I tiptoed away and snuck back to my room. I shut and locked the door, and turned to find that I wasn't alone.

“Hey Dan,” I said. Having him here in my room, being alone with him, made me really nervous. “What brings you here? Mouse busy?”

“No. Mouse is doing his homework. I told him I was leaving, but I wanted to see you first.” He got up and walked toward me. I wanted to move, but I couldn't. He came closer until his arms wrapped around me, and mine around his, and then our lips met and I found myself sinking into him.

“We can't do this. You and Mouse, I can't fuck that up.”

“Shhhh.” he said. “We're not exclusive.”

“But Mouse, er, when there have been times in the past when we could have fucked around, he didn't do it.” Maybe I was such a shitty lover he didn't want to have sex with me either?

“That's because of Robbie, not because of me. He's really into you. He doesn't want to let himself go, to let himself fall completely for you. Keeping up this wall is how he deals with it.” He paused. “We're friends, good friends, and we love each other in our own way. We both give good head. But we both like to get fucked. We're not the most compatible.”

“So why are you here?” I asked.

“Because Mouse isn't the only one who is totally into you. You felt the chemistry between us. Admit it.”

I paused. “Yeah, I felt it, but things are pretty fucked up right now. You don't want to get too wrapped up in me Dan.”

He chuckled. “I fantasized about being with you. And this afternoon was fucking awesome. I want to know what it would be like if it was just you and me. I want you to fuck me Brad,” he said, only this last comment was said in a husky yet begging voice. “You are the man of my dreams. If you don't ever want to fuck around again, that's fine, but at least give me some jack-off fantasies.”

I laughed at that and pulled him back to me and kissed him again. Then we both undressed mechanically, and climbed into bed together. We kissed and I felt his body against mine, his cock rubbing against mine. I explored his body with my hands, and then my lips. I moved down and sucked on his cock, getting him fired up, and then moved to his balls, and then lower, to his taint. It was intoxicating. His smell was a lot like Doug's, only more intense, more exciting. It was an aphrodisiac. I moved lower and tongued his ass, driving him nuts. Then I moved up and locked our lips again. He pulled his legs back and put his heels on my ass, pulling me into him.

I lubed myself up again and entered him slowly, gently. I felt his body respond, move away at first, balking at my size and then back into me, accepting me, and letting me penetrate him. I nuzzled his neck while I slowly moved in and out of him. He grabbed the back of my head and pulled me into his neck even further. He was totally giving himself to me, and it was mind-blowing. We moved together in perfect sync. He didn't talk to me, he just moaned quietly, usually just sounds, sometimes single words, like “yes,” or “fuck.” I felt myself merging with him, something about his hypnotic voice, the way he thrust against me, his smell, made an irresistible cocktail.

We went on for what seemed like an eternity, not with a huge drive to cum, but with a mission to enjoy each other’s body. Then I felt my balls fill with fire, fill with an intense orgasm. I whispered “cumming” into his ear, and he whispered “yeah,” back into mine, and then in a harmony that shocked me, we both exploded at the same time. I blew into him while he throbbed around my pole, quivering with his own orgasm and responding to the deep, hard thrusts of mine. It was amazing. When I was spent I just collapsed onto him, still inside him, feeling his whole body shake and quiver, just like mine did. Finally, when we got our breath back, I slid off of him onto my side and gently ran my fingers over his chest.

“That was better than I ever dreamed,” Dan said to me with a starry-eyed look in his eyes.

I felt myself blushing. “It was.”

“So if you want, I'll leave you alone,” he said.

“Why would I want you to do that?” I asked.

“Well, I figured that you'd end up resolving things with Robbie, and I don't want to stand in the way.”

I thought about that. Here's a guy who wants me, who blows my mind in bed, who appreciates me, and I'm going to push him away for my former boyfriend who's into rough trade? “I can't make any promises about that, but for right now, I want you right here.”

He smiled, and I saw the vulnerable side of Dan. All those times he'd been a total dick to me, he'd just been trying to defend himself, to keep up his shields. I kissed him, gently. And we lay there, kissing briefly, then talking, then kissing again, until our passions returned, and the kissing became more intense, and I entered him again, and it was just as good as the first time.

November 25, 1980

I woke up to my alarm, absolutely exhausted. Dan spent the night again last night, and we had another night of awesome sex. Something about him just flipped my switch. It's like I couldn't be around him and not fuck him. So when he spent the night, I'd doze off, wake up, feel him next to me, smell his tart odor, and get hard as a rock. Then I'd fuck him. Only it wasn't just a fuck. There was so much emotion, so much intensity; sex with him couldn't be just a fuck. “Just a fuck” was what Gary and Doug had been.

I ran my hand down his back, deciding to skip my snooze cycle this morning. He was good looking in an above average kind of way. He didn't have the looks of a model, like Scott, and he didn't reek of masculinity, like Ace. He had a firm body from playing sports, but not like Robbie, who had major muscle tone. No, Dan's muscles were more subtle. He felt soft and warm to the touch; it wasn't until he tensed them up, flexed them, that his biceps, or pecs, or abs would break through, outlining themselves against his skin.

I moved my hand down to his ass, his cute little ass. Soccer had built that ass, you could just tell. It was soft and round, just begging for a dick to plunge into it. I ran my hands down his crack and he moaned, pushing himself against me. He spread his legs and I moved in between them, now hard as a rock, threw on a little extra lube, and sank into his welcoming cavern. God, he felt so good, so warm, so inviting. He moved against me, welcoming me, showing me how much he wanted me. His soft moans told me how much he was enjoying me. And then we came, together. That was the most amazing thing of all. I'd never had that kind of sync with someone else. We always came together.

We took a shower together and headed down to the kitchen for breakfast. Robbie and Mouse were both there. Robbie looked sad and irritated at the same time, while Mouse just looked wistful. I had to remember that he had a crush on me too. I found myself looking at Robbie and catching his eye during breakfast. My anger was fading. It wasn't fun to hurt him anymore. As fun as Dan was, as well as we connected, deep down I knew that I still loved Robbie. He caught me watching him again and gave me a soft smile, then looked away. It almost pissed me off, the way he could melt me like this.

Dan followed me out to the garage. “You still love him,” he said.

“Yeah,” I answered honestly. “I'm sorry Dan. What we have is fucking awesome. I like it. A lot. But Robbie still has my heart.”

“I guess I knew that. It's just that the past couple of days have been un-fucking-believable.”

“I hear you. But when the dust settles, assuming Robbie and I are still together, can we still be friends?”

He smiled. “Friends with benefits?” I laughed.

“Maybe. We'll see about that.”

“Whatever,” he said pleasantly. “I can settle for friends.” This was more like the old Dan. It was as if I could stand there and watch his shields go up. I saw Mouse scurrying out to catch a ride with Robbie or Rafael.

“Mouse,” I said, getting his attention. “Ride with me.” He smiled big, really big. We hopped into the Ferrari and lit it up, blowing down the road on the way to Gunn.

“You're not pissed at me for fucking around with Dan are you?” I asked.

“Not pissed. A little jealous maybe, but not pissed.”

“You gotta know how important to me you are right?” I asked. “I'd do just about anything for you.”

“Anything?” he asked, raising his eyebrows as he flirted.

“Just about anything,” I said as I parked the car.

School was the same ol' same ol'. The only thing that was interesting was lunch. I caught Robbie watching me while he was hanging with his football buds, and whenever I caught him he'd smile that little smile and look away. Was he blushing? I found myself missing him, missing him a lot. I thought about his talk with JP. He said that I was a good lover, that I satisfied him. That Gary was “just a fuck.”

I headed out to my car after school, relieved that Scott wasn't there. He was hot, and I liked blowing him, but I just wasn't in the mood today. I headed home and grabbed some food.

“So what's with you and Robbie?” Tonto demanded. “You gay guys are like a bunch of girls.”

“No, only some are the girls,” I teased back. “We're having problems. He likes someone else.”

“Likes? Likes? He likes you. You're the only one he has eyes for.”

“Then why does he want to sleep with another guy?” I asked plaintively.

She sighed. “For Christ's sake Brad, you're what, 17, 18? You think you're ready to settle down and have babies? You expect a lot from him, and yourself.”

“Straight people do it,” I countered.

“Ha! They pretend to. Your grandfather had a fling or two in his life. I thought about leaving him over them, but I finally just told him that if he was going to mess around, so was I. That's all it took.” Wow. Barry cheating on her? That seemed so unlike him.

“What about you Tonto? You ever cheat on him?”

I saw the anguish on her face, and I felt bad for asking. I had hit too close to home. “Once,” was all she said.

“Did grandfather forgive you?”

“He never knew,” she said.

“He would have, you know,” I said. “He adored you.” She smiled and wiped away a tear, than looked at me meaningfully.

“Just like you forgave Robbie?”

I smiled at her. “I forgot about your traps Tonto. I have to run. I've got someone to talk to.” I kissed her on the cheek but she pulled me in for a bigger hug.

I knocked on Robbie’s door and heard his deep masculine voice. “Come in.” He sounded grumpy. I opened the door and walked in, closing and locking it behind me. He looked up at me, surprised. “Hi,” he said quietly.

“Hi,” I said, and headed over to the bed and sat next to him. “I'm done being mad at you, so if you want to grovel, now's the time,” I said, grinning at him to show him I was teasing.

“What's in it for me if I grovel?” he asked, playing back.

I leaned in and kissed him, gently at first, then more passionately. I felt like I was coming home, like I was where I belong. God, he made me so horny. Just like Dan. That caused a twinge of guilt, but I locked that away.

“Brad, I'm so sorry. I'm....” I shut him up with a kiss.

“Show me that you love me,” I said. Clothes flew across the room and he was next to me, on top of me, the body that I knew and loved. Then I was on top of him, and then I was in him, and we came together in a beautiful explosion.

“I'm really sorry that I hurt you Brad. I was such a fucking idiot. I can't believe how stupid I was, how I risked us, our love, for just a fuck.” There was that term again. 'Just a fuck.'

“You made me feel like I wasn't enough for you, that I wasn't good enough to satisfy you.” I felt a tear fall down my cheek, then another, and decided to say fuck it and allow myself to cry this time.

“You know that's not true baby. You are everything to me. You make me feel like no one ever could.” He said it, but I knew that Gary made him feel good too. He liked it rough, to be submissive once in a while, but he didn't want me to do it.

“I want to be with you Robbie, I really do. I love you so much. But we have to make some changes.” This was the tough part.

“What kind of changes?” he asked cautiously.

“I'm not willing to go back to the way things were. I'm not willing to just be with you.”

“So you don't love me?”

“Aren't you listening dumb ass? I just told you that I love you. But I'm 18, you're 17, and it's pretty tempting when another hot guy comes around. I'm going to give in to that temptation when I want to, and I'm telling you that you can too.” He didn't get it. I could tell by the look on his face. “You have my heart, one-hundred percent, but if I meet someone that I want to fuck, I'm going to. But it will be just a fuck.” I thought about Dan, and even Mouse, and knew that wasn't entirely true, but that was my cross to bear, not his.

“That's not what I want. I want you. I want to go back in time and have things the way they were,” he said stubbornly.

“You have me. And someday I hope we'll get back there. But not right now.” I kissed him lovingly.

“I guess my choices are to have part of you or none of you, is that it?”

“That's the same choice I've been dealing with since you told me that you wanted to keep fucking Gary.”

“So you're not going to forgive me for that?” he demanded.

“Look Robbie, I'm not mad at you about that anymore. That’s over. But it made me realize that right now, I don't want to be that committed. Don't you get it?” I felt my anger returning and fought it back. “I can't risk it. I can't be that vulnerable.”

“What do you mean?” he asked anger in his voice too.

“I mean that this really fucked me up, slammed my ego and my pride. I have dealt with a ton of shit this past six months, and I just don't think I'm strong enough to handle another gut punch. And since I love you the most, I'm most vulnerable with you.” I was strong, firm, aggressive, but not mean.

“You're saying that you don't trust me,” he said glumly.

“I'm saying that I can't afford to trust you,” I said. “Think about it,” I told him as I got up and gathered my clothes together.

“OK, but only if you take a shower with me,” he said with a smile. He was putting on his game face, trying to make things better. We showered together and made love again, but there was a distance between us that hadn't been there before. He seemed sad about it, but to me, it was a relief.

November 27, 1980

“I heard you had some problems,” Stef said to me as we strolled across the green hills, enjoying the land around Escorial.

I told him about the whole thing, leaving out nothing. He just listened and didn't say anything until I was done. “A young man's sexual ego is his Achilles heel. Yours was stomped on pretty hard.”

“It sucks to think that you're not good enough to satisfy the man you love,” I said sadly.

“It is. That is how I felt about Roger when he was going through his stage. He would not let me fuck him, but he'd let any nasty, gross guy he ran across do it. It really hurt, to think that he'd prefer them to me. It took me a while to understand that it was his problem, not mine.”

“How did you do it?” I was on my way to dealing with that, but I was even more curious about how he thought.

“Greg. I found a man who was a great lover, and found out that I was just as good as him.” He smiled when he talked about Greg. “Perhaps this Dan has done this for you?”

“He is a lot of fun, and we have great chemistry. If Robbie weren't in the picture, there could be something there.”

“You know, you have been with two of the most amazing, most skilled lovers I have ever known. And that's saying something coming from a slut like me. And both of them, both Marc and Armand, raved about how much fun you were, how good you were at satisfying your partner.”

“Really? They said that?” I looked at him. “You're just making that up so I'll feel better.”

“I am not. I tried to get Armand to come here for Thanksgiving but he is not feeling well. He's got a really bad cold. Otherwise you could have heard it from the whore's mouth.”

“Isn't that supposed to be 'horse's mouth'?” I teased.

“Not in his case. There is something else I want to talk to you about.” He waited until he had my attention. “You know that Tonto is a very wealthy woman, do you not?” I nodded. “And you know that I am even richer than her?” I nodded and smiled.

He found a fallen tree and sat on it, motioning for me to sit next to him. “Tonto and I have both put our money into trusts. With Tonto, she split her money up among her four grandchildren and she accesses those trusts periodically for her income. Lately she's been taking the money mostly out of Bitty's trust.” That caused a grin from him, and a laugh from me. Boy would that piss her off, the bitch.

“I am listed as a co-trustee on all of Tonto's assets, primarily because I am the one who is responsible for investing and managing them. Tonto and I would like you to be the successor trustee. If something happens to either one of us, you will take our place. It is a lot of responsibility, but I know you are up to it. If you are willing, that is.”

I didn't know what to say. “If you think I can do it, I will.”

He smiled. “Of course you can do it. It is not so hard. In the same vein, my assets are set up with Greg as my successor trustee. I would like to appoint you as his partner in managing things if something should happen to me.”

“What does Greg think of that? I wouldn't want to interfere.”

“You are good to ask, but he requested it. You will ultimately inherit much of it anyway, and this way you cannot blame Greg for fucking it up.” He was joking, sort of.

“I'm not quite sure what to think about all of this Stef. I guess the thing that hits me is that I'm really flattered that you have that much faith and confidence in me.”

“But of course,” he said, and held up his finger, the symbol of our blood-brother relationship. I pressed my finger into him, reaffirming our bond. “There is one more thing. Tonto and I talked about it, and we think you deserve an allowance, your own money, from these various assets. You must keep the credit card I gave you, and you must still use it, but you will need some cash too.”

I usually had plenty of pocket money. I had my own bank account, just like Ace and Claire, and JP monitored how much money we had and added cash if it got low. Beyond that, anything else I did I just charged. Clothes, food, anything...all of that went on plastic. To have an actual allowance, a real income, that was pretty cool. “Wow Stef. That's awesome. How cool to have my own cash.”

“It will be good practice for you to manage it. You are a rich young man, but even wealthy people must learn how to budget.” He handed me a checkbook. “You will need to go down to the local branch of Wells Fargo and sign the signature card.” The register showed an initial entry of $100,000. I almost collapsed. “You will find that much deposited into your account every six months.”

Thanksgiving dinner was really nice, as always. I couldn't help but smile throughout. I had my own cash, and lots of it. Shit, I could buy a house if I wanted to. But that paled in comparison to the compliment that Stef had paid me. Of all of us, Ace, Claire, Nick, Bitty, and me, he'd picked me as the one to trust with his money after he was gone.

December 8, 1980

I sat in the studio after school, painting, working diligently on the Christmas presents for JP and Greg. I looked at Mouse. He'd been distant since Thanksgiving; our times together here in the studio had been focused only on our projects. I walked up behind him to look at his work on Orgasmic Stefan.

“You look kind of like that when you cum,” I said, teasing him. He didn't say anything. “You're mad at me. Why?”

“Because you don't love me.” He refused to turn around and look at me.

“I love you Mouse. You are really important to me.” I didn't know where this was coming from. Well, I guess I did. Dan told me about his massive crush. I didn't know what to do about it.

He turned to face me. “Then how come when you come up here, you have sex with Dan and not me?” I looked into his pale green eyes, eyes that were sparkling with tears.

“I didn't want to lead you on,” I said, gently running my figures down his cheek. “You are so attractive, so beautiful, but I'm in love with Robbie. You are one of my best friends, and I love to be with you, but we're friends. It can't go beyond that, at least not now.”

He smiled at me. “So that means that I'm not a shitty fuck?”

And then I got it. The same feelings that I'd had when Robbie told me about Gary, those same feelings of inadequacy, I'd inadvertently made Mouse feel just as bad. “God no, Mouse. You are so hot I can barely keep my hands off of you.”

“Then don't,” he said, moving into me and kissing me. There was something about Mouse, his short body, his small frame, that just begged to be fucked hard.

I broke our kiss and spun him around, moving up against him so he could feel my hard dick pushing into his ass. I nuzzled my nose up to his ear and neck just like one of the horses would. I unbuckled both of our pants and let them drop to the floor, caressing his body as I went. God, he was sexy. “Mouse,” I breathed, almost panted into his ear. “In just a second I'm going to be inside you.” I ran my hand up his crack seductively. “I want you to tell me what you want. Do you want me to make slow, passionate love to you, or do you want me to fuck you, really fuck you hard.” I knew I sounded sexy as hell. I was turning myself on.

“Love,” he said, pushing back against my dick, forcing his ring to yield and allow me inside of him. He was so warm, so moist. “Make love to me, and then, maybe you can fuck me hard.” I giggled, directing the vibration to behind his ear, and slowly moving in and out of him. He moaned and sunk back into me, letting me explore his body with my hands while I probed his ass with my dick. There was something about his body, his ass, that was more responsive than anyone else I'd been with. God, I just wanted to fuck the shit out of him.

He seemed to sense my mood, and we were both getting pretty close. “Come on Brad, fuck me,” he cried. I thrust, hard and fast, into him, and wrapped my hand around his dick. He came first, blasting across the room, with a loud shriek. That sent me over the edge and I blew into him, milking him dry with my hand as I did.

He smiled at me when we were done. “You were amazing Mouse. Fucking amazing.”

“So were you. You think maybe we can do this again?”

I laughed. “Hell yeah. Hell yeah!” I kissed his forehead. “But right now, it's dinner time.”

Dinner was nice. “So were you and Mouse together?” Robbie whispered to me. He was smiling. I had learned over the past few weeks that the concept of me sleeping with Mouse, or blowing Scott or pretty much anyone else didn't really bother him too much. But the thought of me being with Gary or Dan really did. Dan and I got together a couple of times a week, and I made sure not to flaunt it, to rub it in his nose.

“I was. And it was amazing.” I winked at Mouse across the table and he blushed.

“So Mouse, you wanna spend some time with me too?” Robbie asked.

“Sssure,” Mouse said, blushing even harder. And the thought of Robbie fucking his brains out didn't bother me at all. It did make me horny as hell. We were just finishing dinner up when Anna came in.

“There is something on the television Mr. JP. Someone has been shot,” she said, looking concerned. That was nothing compared to JP's expression. He was a man who had lived through many assassinations, including John F. Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, and Martin Luther King. He was out of his chair and across the room, heading to the television room with a speed and urgency that he never showed.

“Who is it?” Mother asked as we followed him in.

“John Lennon. He was shot and killed in New York outside his apartment.”

“Who is John Lennon?” Mouse asked. I rolled my eyes. I wasn't a huge Beatles fan, that was Ace's world, but I knew who John Lennon was. I watched Ace move over to JP and put his arm around him. The rest of us would feel bad, to be sure, but those two were the big Beatles fans in our midst.

I left them and walked back to my room with Mouse and Robbie. “Um, you guys were going to spend some time together?” I asked. “I mean, I don't want to interfere, but maybe the three of us could, you know...” My voice trailed off.

Robbie grinned. “Sounds hot to me. Mouse?” Mouse just gave us his cute little smile. In no time at all we were all naked. Robbie knelt on the bed while Mouse entered him, and then I moved in behind Mouse and plowed into his juicy ass for the second time that day. I wrapped my arms tightly around both Mouse and Robbie, smashing Mouse in between us. He lost his mind, nuzzling, sucking, and biting Robbie's back as he blew his load. Taking someone like Mouse and giving him such pleasure; that was something to feel good about. And enjoy.

December 24, 1980

Our Christmas traditions were well established, not really a surprise in a highly organized household that had evolved dealing with the Christmas spirit of four children. On Christmas Eve, we celebrated with just our family. Just like birthdays, it wasn't common for us to spend a fortune on Christmas, but it happened occasionally. On Christmas Day, we usually had a much bigger crowd, friends, Stanford students who didn't make it back home for the holidays, or whatever. So we decided that by getting our own presents out of the way on Christmas Eve, we could enjoy our guests and not worry about appearing ostentatious. As a kid, I'd always thought that was a kick ass idea because that meant we got to open presents on Christmas Eve, and then there was always something from Santa the next morning too.

So we sat around the dining room table on this Christmas Eve enjoying a catered meal so Rafael and Anna could join us. We banded together, Claire, Ace, Robbie, Mouse, and I, to get them each one really nice gift. For Rafael a new watch, and for Anna a ticket to Mexico City to visit her sister. We opened our presents one person at a time, so we could all focus on what was going on. That didn't really happen though, because we were all so busy talking and eating, it took something really exceptional to capture everyone's attention.

Claire was the first one to cross that border, the border into exceptional gifts. Stef gave her a really small box, and we all figured it was more jewelry. Inside was a set of car keys. We all charged outside to find a new white Mercedes SL convertible. She'd just gotten her license a week earlier, so it was all we could do to keep her from going for a drive right then and there.

When it was JP's turn I vanished with Robbie and Mouse up to the studio to lug down our art work. He was busy admiring a pair of cuff links my mother had given him when we came walking into the room with these big packages. The painting was covered with a sheet; easy enough to open. He smiled at me and got up and pulled the sheet off and just stared at the painting. As far as art goes, it wasn't super-challenging, just copying a picture onto canvas, but it had a powerful effect on him. Stefan got up and came over and put his arm around JP, staring at this representation of them in 1963, some 17 years ago.

“We were so young then,” Stef observed wistfully.

“Young and naïve,” JP said. “This is a wonderful present, absolutely wonderful. I'm going to hang it in my study.” He made to leave with it but I stopped him.

“Mouse has a present for you too.” JP smiled and looked at the thing in front of him, some three feet tall, with a big sheet over it as well. He pulled off the sheet and there was Mouse's sculpture of Jeff. Mouse had shown him in the football pose, his body extended as he reached for the ball, but had left his helmet off so he could better show off Jeff’s features.

JP and Stefan gasped, and my mother came over and stared quietly, a tear falling from her eye. “Mouse, that is a perfect sculpture of Jeff,” JP said. “You are both such talented young men.” Stefan took the statue while he took the painting. There were tears in his eyes, of appreciation or sadness I didn't know, but he was too strong to let them actually fall down his cheeks.

Mouse, Robbie, and I waited patiently, OK, impatiently, for Greg's turn to come up. He picked up the big heavy box. “Don't shake it!” I told him, suddenly concerned that he'd shatter it to pieces. He took the hint and opened it carefully, pulling the sides down to expose the bust of Stefan. He looked at it, looked confused, and then started laughing. He laughed so hard, it was awesome.

“And exactly what is so funny?” Tonto demanded and strolled over to see it. “Well, that's an interesting bust of Stefan, but what's wrong with his face?” Greg turned it around and showed us and we all cracked up. About that time Stef came wandering back from the study, where he'd been helping JP hang the painting.

“What is that?” he asked, looking at the bust quizzically.

“We call it Orgasmic Stefan,” I told him, and that brought roars of laughter from everyone. Stef was trying to put on an act, to be all severe, but he couldn't do it and started laughing too.

“I do not look like that. And I do not roll my eyes back.”

“JP says you did it for him,” I told him, making both of them blush.

“Don't worry honey, you do it for me too,” said Greg, kissing him affectionately.

Mother had laughed along with us. I was worried that this Christmas would be really tough on her, but she seemed to be enjoying herself. I was watching her, trying to figure it out, when her eyes locked on mine. She gave me a smile, not one of her fake, social smiles, but a soft sincere smile, the kind she used when she was really happy. I smiled back. We were all happy to have her back. There had been such a void when she was out of our lives. It was awesome to see that she was just as happy to be here with us.

Then, finally, it was Robbie's turn to open presents. Frank was due in tomorrow. He was spending Christmas Eve with Robbie's older brother and sister. Robbie wasn't particularly close to them, and he sure as hell didn't want to go back to Claremont, so having Frank come out suited him just fine. Stef donated the use of his plane for the errand, a special gift to both of them.

He carefully opened the present that I got him, but it wasn't as fragile as he thought it was. He looked at the box and smiled. It was an Apple II+ computer, with the new VisiCalc software for spreadsheets and it's very own printer. He was ecstatic.

I got cool presents. Robbie got me a Gunn class ring. It was a traditional design, but looked different from any of the others. I looked at the center stone and it was brilliant. Gunn's school color was orange, but this stone was a really vivid, really deep reddish orange.

“What is this?” I asked. Robbie smiled at Claire. Of course she'd been involved.

“It's a ruby,” he said. This must have cost a small fortune, to have a ring like this custom made with a genuine, slightly orange ruby. The inscription inside said: “Forever Love, RH”

All in all, it was a great Christmas Eve. The ring fit perfectly. And I definitely got laid.