A Different Love - 3. Chapter 3

The episode with Lucy Collins had soured my whole outlook on the dating and ‘relationship’ thing. Would I ever find someone who wanted to be with me because they actually liked me for who I really was? I knew that I couldn’t be the only gay student at my school, but it was incredibly difficult to work out who else might be too. As it turned out, school didn’t provide me with any chance to find out, but little did I know that my first fledgling footsteps into the unknown were soon to happen.

My first real sexual experience occurred during the long summer holidays the following year. By then I was 15 years old and the next school year would be my last. It was a warm sunny day in July and we’d just moved into a new house on the other side of town. I’d just finished the laborious process of carefully unpacking my things from several cardboard boxes and finding the best places to put everything away in my new furniture.

At last my bedroom was reasonably straight and tidy and a few minutes later, I wandered downstairs to find mum and dad doing exactly the same thing in the lounge and immediately offered to help out. They seemed to have everything under control and wasted no time in ushering me outside to begin organizing the garden shed.

When I opened the door, there were boxes of every size and description full to overflowing stuffed inside, and before I began to sort them out I couldn’t resist rummaging through them. My mind soon became fixated on one forgotten item and I quickly dug it out from amongst the other things. It was an old leather football that dad and I used to play with when I was younger and I couldn’t resist having a kick around the garden. Unfortunately, I should have known better as it was no longer fully inflated. After a particularly hard kick, it hit the edge of the shed roof and went veering to the left, straight over the fence into the neighbour’s garden. There was a sudden loud crash and my heart flipped over as the unmistakable sound of breaking glass filled the air. Time stood still and it seemed as if my feet were set in concrete as I waited for some kind of response from next door. There were no raised voices or shouts of anger however, and it seemed as if nobody had heard a thing. I was just about to sigh with relief when there was a sudden cough from behind me and I was dismayed to see my mum standing at the back door watching me. She was just about to put some rubbish in the bin and must have seen the ball sail over the fence. I can clearly remember the expression of annoyance on her face and the tone of irritation in her voice as she called out to me.

“Jason! What do think you’re doing!” she exclaimed angrily “We’ve only been here for five minutes”

“Sorry mum” I muttered, slowly walking towards the house with my head down, instinctively knowing what was coming next.

“You’ll have to go round and apologise” she went on, before adding what I didn’t want to hear “And make sure you offer to pay for the damage!”

Marvellous! I had little enough pocket money left as it was without having to spend it all on a new pane of glass. Unfortunately, there was no choice but to do as she said and hope like hell that somehow it would be alright and I wouldn’t have to pay.

A few minutes later I reluctantly knocked on the door and stood back to await my fate. There was no answer and a small glimmer of hope began to emerge. I knew that mum would expect me to knock again and just as I raised my hand to do so it was opened by a boy of about my own age. He was short and stocky with an unruly mop of curly brown hair that kept falling in front of his eyes. He gazed at me with a crooked smile and leant against the door frame, waiting for me to speak.

“Erm....Hi.....I’ve erm just moved in next door and erm....the broken glass.....that was me”

A frown immediately broke out on his face and I hastily continued “Look I’ll pay for it.....I don’t mind...I mean if it’s not too expensive that is....I’m really sorry...it was an accident”

He stood back and folded his arms, shaking his head in mock disdain “Ooh, you’re in real trouble now man! That glass is specially imported from abroad. It’s way too expensive for you to pay for! When mum and dad get to hear about this.......”

My eyes opened wide and my mouth fell open as I stared at him in shock “You’re not serious! I can’t afford that”

“Hey, don’t worry too much. They’ll let you pay for it weekly”

My heart sank and I could feel the colour literally draining from my face “You’re joking right?”

He couldn’t hide the huge grin that spread across his face any longer and he burst into floods of laughter. “Of course I’m joking, you plank! It’s just an old green house. I’ve smashed most of the windows myself!”

I gave a deep sigh of relief and shook my head, not knowing whether to be relieved or angry. “That’s so not funny!”

“Yeah it is. You should have seen the look on your face”

I turned to walk away and he quickly grabbed my shoulder, spinning me back round “Look man, don’t go, I’m sorry ok! I couldn’t resist winding you up, you looked so worried”

I slowly began to relax and turned back towards him, shaking my head in mock annoyance “Ok, but you owe me one. You totally had me going there for a while!”

His face was still adorned with a massive grin as he held out his hand towards me “Look, let’s start again, ok. My name’s Ben by the way”

I shook his hand and quickly answered back “And how old is Ben?......Ten!”

He grinned again and punched me on the shoulder good naturedly “Guess I deserved that!”

“Yeah, you did”

I gave him a smile and shook my head “Ok. I suppose I can forgive you! I’m Jason by the way”

After that first initial meeting we became firm friends and spent most of the school holidays together. He normally attended a boarding school in the city as both his parents worked long hours, but he seemed to have everything he wanted and they appeared to leave him mostly to his own devices.

The summer of that year was one of the best I can remember. There seemed to be an endless supply of hot humid days, barely interrupted by the odd thunderstorm or downpour. Once they finished, the sun drenched earth quickly dried up again; belying the fact it had ever rained at all. On the many fine days at our disposal, we took to roaming the local countryside on our bicycles, searching for new and exciting things to discover. One of our favourite haunts was a large tree covered hill about three miles away on Hamborough common. It was a local beauty spot and I remember going there with my parents for trips out when I was much younger.

There were numerous well marked footpaths and tracks snaking off in all directions and the diverse landscape made it possible to be in thick woodland one minute and small secluded clearings the next. All manner of wild flowers grew and there were rabbits everywhere, their white tails bobbing in the distance as they scuttled away from approaching disturbances. Numerous squirrels darted up and down the trees in their wary stop start way and if it was really quiet; even the odd fox could be spotted in the distance by the keen eyed observer.

It was a fascinating place to explore and one of our favourite pastimes was making the long laborious climb to the top of the hill, pushing our bicycles ahead of us over the hardened gravel path. After a few minutes rest at the top to catch our breath, we’d climb back on our bikes and come freewheeling down the hill at breakneck speed. It was an unbelievably exhilarating experience as our legs flailed about wildly and the wind whipped through our hair. There was a locked five bar gate at the bottom, leading onto a small country lane, and we quickly learned exactly when to apply the squealing brakes and which way to turn, in order to avoid crashing into it. How on earth we avoided serious injury, I’ll never know to this day, but we always managed to return home in one piece. Afterwards all we could do was collapse into a breathless heap, heart’s pumping uncontrollably, but raring to have another go.

On one particular day we’d hidden our bikes behind some trees and for some reason Ben grabbed my arm and insisted on leading me into a small secluded clearing. He put his finger on his lips and we stood for several seconds listening for any sounds, but all I could hear was the beating of my own heart. Ben was an extremely laid back type of guy and nothing ever seemed to bother him too much. He was what my mother called ‘a bad influence’ and I knew she wasn’t too keen on the amount of time I was spending with him. On reflection, she probably had good cause to be worried as my language had definitely gone downhill since I’d met him and in an attempt to mirror his sometimes questionable behaviour, I’d even started smoking. On this occasion though, I was an all too eager participant in what happened next and wild horses wouldn’t have dragged me away.

We were sitting cross legged, facing each other in the clearing when Ben suddenly produced an adult magazine from under his jacket. He claimed it had come from his father’s bedroom, but I suspected he’d stolen it from the newsagents we’d visited earlier that day. It was full of images of naked women in varying stages of undress and he was studying it intently with a huge grin on his face, urging me to do the same. The centre spread was a full length picture of a naked woman lying on an oversized bed. She was poised to push a huge dildo inside her with both hands and he was turning the magazine around in awe, looking at the picture from different angles. I noticed his huge erection immediately and couldn’t take my eyes of the enormous bulge in the front of his shorts. He must have noticed where I was looking because he suddenly took my hand and placed it gently on the object of my fascination, slowly rubbing it up and down over the silky material of his shorts. Every nerve end in my body was instantly on fire and my heart was beating madly. By this time I had a throbbing erection of my own and I quickly grasped his hand, placing it on my own aching groin. After a while our hands withdrew and Ben lay down beside me, slipping his shorts down to his knees. Curls of dark, wiry pubic hair spilled over the top of his white briefs and I was completely intoxicated with desire at the unbelievably erotic scene laid out before me. The huge bulge in his tight underwear was a living breathing thing, rapidly stretching the thin material to bursting point. He gazed at me provocatively before slightly nodding his head downwards, willing me to touch him. I carefully slid my shaking hand over his taut underwear, gently tracing the outline of his stiff member. Breathing heavily, he hastily grasped my hand and pushed it inside his briefs, this time ensuring I touched and caressed his throbbing shaft for real. I tenderly kneaded the soft flesh, gently drawing his tight foreskin slowly up and down.

He suddenly stopped me, quickly pulling my hand out of his briefs. He reached across and his hands frantically began to unfasten my jeans and before long we were both on our knees facing each other, naked from the waist down, our erections standing proudly before us. I gently cradled his heavy balls in the palm of my hand and then we both began to slide our hands frenziedly up and down each other’s shaft. I was in seventh heaven as waves of ecstasy travelled up and down my body and I quickly began to reach my climax. Ben came first though, shooting his load in a huge arc, some of the warm milky liquid landing on my hand. My own eruption came seconds later, cascading freely across the bracken. The blood rushed to my head and my heart pounded as we both collapsed in a breathless heap on the floor, exhausted and spent. Never before had I experienced such feelings of deep and utter ecstasy and it proved to me beyond all doubt that the feelings of desire I felt for my own sex could no longer be ignored or denied.

For days afterwards I floated on a euphoric cloud, eagerly awaiting our next sexual foray. We made several further visits to the forest, each time finding a new and tantalizing way to explore each other’s bodies. We would softly kiss, touch and caress one another, but there was always an unspoken understanding that our actions would never go further than mutual masturbation. Even Ben, with all his bravado, refused to continue any further, claiming instead that he was just experimenting and in reality was totally straight. I didn’t believe him for a minute on that score, but was secretly grateful for his unwillingness to take things any further, as the prospect of moving to the next level filled me with terror. Nevertheless, I soon realized that my innocence in such matters had totally disappeared and things would never be quite the same again. It was a time of sexual discovery, of pleasures experienced and the anticipation of those to come.

All too soon the holidays were over and Ben and I gradually lost touch. He returned to boarding school in the city and I never saw him again, despite several unanswered messages and e-mails. I would never forget, however, those teenage sexual experiences and the unbelievably strong feelings they aroused in me. Was it the fact I was gay that made me treasure those times and remember every detail, or did other boys experiment as much as we had done. I suspected the former, but had no way of finding out if it was true. Such subjects were taboo and to mention them would mean certain ridicule and torment. Whatever the answer, I realized with absolute certainty that these feelings I had for other boys would never go away.