A Different Love - 12. Chapter 12

It had just turned six thirty as I walked through town towards the Rose and Crown. My stomach began turning over at the prospect of seeing Connor again and I could hardly believe what had happened on our last date. The thought of what might happen on this one left me breathless with desire and I hoped that this time, there would be no unfortunate interruptions.

I soon reached the familiar, half timbered building and as I pushed open the heavy door, the glow of light spilled onto the dark pavement. A party of girls in ridiculously short skirts and high heeled shoes stood around the bar. Their animated conversation and raucous laughter filled the air and the young barman stood gaping at them, unable to believe his luck. Liz was nowhere to be seen and I vaguely wondered if it was her night off. I stood at the bar fumbling in my pocket for change and after a while he reluctantly tore his eyes away and came over to serve me, unable to keep the lecherous smile off his face.

“Yes mate, what can I get you?”

Meanwhile, several of the girls had turned around and began giggling and staring at me and I felt distinctively uncomfortable at so much attention. The barman’s question suddenly broke through my thoughts and I quickly mumbled an answer.

“Oh, a pint of beer please”

He began filling a glass and suddenly leant over the bar towards me, nodding enthusiastically towards the girls.

“Makes you feel glad to be alive, a sight like that!”

I longed to reply ‘whatever turns you on’ but instead I lamely made noises of agreement.

“Looks like it could be your lucky night anyway” he went on, pulling an envious face.

My heart sank as I warily followed his line of vision. A tall blonde haired girl had detached herself from the group and was hesitantly making her way towards me. My eyes must have looked like a rabbits caught in the headlights of a car, momentarily blinded and unable to move. The barman’s low wolf whistle suddenly brought me back to reality and I could easily understand why he’d done it. To say she was a stunner was a complete understatement! Her long slender legs disappeared inside a skirt so tight that it seemed to merge with her skin and my pulse began to race with fear instead of desire. I quickly looked away but it did nothing to discourage her and the next thing I felt was a light tap on the shoulder. The smell of subtle perfume filled my nostrils and I had no choice but to turn around and smile at her apprehensively.

“Hi, I’m Melanie” she purred, gazing at me enquiringly

“Oh…..It’s….erm…Jason” I stammered, holding out a shaking hand.

My face began burning with embarrassment and a thin band of sweat broke out across my forehead. All I wanted to do was run a mile, but I knew that Connor would be here at any moment.

“I thought you might like to buy me a drink” she continued, gently stroking my outstretched hand.

“I don’t think that would be a very good idea” I answered, unable to stop myself from glancing at the barman’s incredulous expression.

Her face clouded over with disappointment and I felt extremely uncomfortable to be in such an awkward situation.

“We could go somewhere else if you like Jason” she continued, raising her eyebrows suggestively as she glanced across at the barman’s captivated expression “Somewhere more private”

“No….really it’s ok. I’m fine here”

The barman almost choked in disbelief and I couldn’t even bring myself to look at him. Her obvious meaning caused acute embarrassment to take over, leaving me tongue tied and completely overwhelmed. Suddenly the barman’s attention was taken by a familiar voice calling out from behind him and a second or two later Liz emerged from the back room.

“I’ll take over now Tom, go have your break”

With one final glance at the girls he reluctantly disappeared through the same door and I glared at Liz in desperation. Her face brightened considerably when she saw me and I heaved a huge sigh of relief, extremely grateful to see a friendly face. She tried to hide the expression of amusement on her face as she instantly took in the situation. I stared at her in desperation, silently begging her to help me.

“Not with your girlfriend tonight Jason?” she suddenly asked, in a voice full of mock surprise.

I quickly rushed in to continue the deception with barely a hint of hesitation. “No, she’s had to work this evening Liz. I’m meeting a mate instead”

Her eyes widened at my use of the word ‘mate’ but nevertheless she didn’t give me away and I was unbelievably grateful for her support.

Meanwhile, Melanie’s face had dropped a mile and she took an involuntary step backwards, no doubt wishing that she hadn’t approached me in the first place. I gave her a weak smile and quickly mumbled sorry, hating the fact that I had to deceive her. She shot me a disappointed look in return and spinning around on her high heels, rejoined her friends at the end of the bar without so much as a backwards glance. My feelings of guilt quickly dissolved and I immediately turned my attention back to Liz who was sporting a triumphant grin.

“Thanks Liz, you’re a life saver”

“So, when is this erm ‘mate’ joining you then” she asked with a twinkle in her eye.

“Pretty soon hopefully!”

“His name wouldn’t be Connor by any chance, would it?”

A wide grin spread across my face and I looked at her bashfully before replying “Might be”

She suddenly leant over the bar towards me and her excited voice dropped to a whisper “Second date eh?”

“If he turns up that is” I remarked, glancing at the clock anxiously.

The time had just turned ten past seven and I thought he would’ve been here by now. Liz gave a small laugh and shook her head in disbelief as she looked at my apprehensive expression.

“Oh don’t worry Jason, he’ll turn up”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because he’d be a fool not to” she answered firmly “If I was meeting someone as good looking as you, wild horses wouldn’t keep me away”

Her compliment made me blush and I quickly rushed in to quell a rising outburst of emotion.

“That’s very nice of you to say Liz, but you’ve got to remember, he works in a bar full of good looking guys. I’m sure he could probably have anyone he wanted”

“Yeah, but he chose you Jason!” she argued reasonably “Don’t forget that”

A frown crossed my face as I thought about what she’d said and I had to admit that her words made sense “I suppose you’re right” I admitted reluctantly.

“Of course I’m right, you’ll see. Now come on, cheer up!”

Her words of encouragement pushed away any doubts I was having and I knew that sooner or later Connor would be walking through the door.

Meanwhile, several of the girls had placed empty glasses on the bar and began rattling them noisily in an attempt to attract Liz’s attention. I signalled across the room to let her know I was planning to sit down and she scurried off to serve the girls. My heart was still beating slightly faster as I waited for Connor to arrive but I couldn’t help nervously watching the girls, hoping there wouldn’t be a repeat performance of earlier events. The girl called Melanie waved when she saw me watching and I quickly looked away, horrified to think that I’d given her even the slightest encouragement. I jumped slightly as a hand gently squeezed my shoulder and a second or two later a voice whispered in my ear.

“Hey, I’m watching you Jason Wright! Hope you’re not changing sides”

I turned around and found Connor standing beside me. He laughed at the indignant expression that spread across my face as I quickly answered him.

“What do you think?”

A second later he slid into the seat beside me and puckered his lips into a clandestine kiss, gently squeezing my hand.

“Put it like this Jason, I think the girls are safe……or extremely disappointed anyway” he added with a wide grin. His expression became serious again and the smile slipped from his face.

”Sorry I’m late.....again!”

“I thought you weren’t coming for a moment”

“You must be joking! he exclaimed “I wouldn’t do that to you”

“I know…Look I’m sorry, but like I said before, this is all new to me”

“I should have let you know, but I thought I’d be here on time” he went on, frowning slightly.

“Don’t worry about it Connor; at least you’re here now, that’s the main thing”

“It’s really good to see you again Jason. I missed you”

“Yeah, I missed you too Connor”

He shook his head with frustration before offering an explanation for his late arrival.

“I had a small crisis in the kitchen, that’s why I’m late” he admitted “I had to go all the way back home again”

It was my turn to laugh now and I couldn’t resist winding him up.

“You mean you forgot to turn the oven on” I joked, nudging him with my shoulder.

His crestfallen expression made me laugh even more and he glanced at me sheepishly. “How did you know?” he said, beginning to join in with my laughter.

“Oh, just a lucky guess!

“The thing is Connor” I said, giving him a look of concern “I hope you haven’t gone to a whole lot of trouble for me. A takeaway would have done just fine”

“Look Jason, I said I’d cook you a meal and I meant it” he replied firmly “I just want the food to be edible, that’s all”

His voice dropped to a whisper and he leant in closer towards me.

“Besides, I can’t wait for dessert!”

I swallowed nervously and my stomach exploded with excitement and anticipation. Ever since our encounter in the park last week, the thought of taking our relationship to the next level had constantly been on my mind. Tonight I was pretty certain it was finally going to happen, but the fear of stepping into unknown territory still left me reeling with doubt and uncertainty. Connor’s voice broke through my thoughts as I realized that he’d stood up and was asking me a question.

“What can I get you to drink Jason, another pint?

“Yes please”

As I watched him walk towards the bar, I couldn’t help noticing that Melanie kept glancing towards me. A moment later my heart sank when she sidled up to Connor and began talking to him. Their frequent glances in my direction left me in no doubt whatsoever about the topic of their conversation and as soon as Connor returned to the table I could tell he was bursting to ask me all about her.

“Looks like I’ve got some competition” he joked

“What do you mean?”

“That girl I was talking to at the bar. She seems pretty interested in you”

It was obvious he was dying to ask if the attraction was in any way reciprocated and my deadpan expression did nothing to ease his anxiety.

“She’s certainly a stunner!” I remarked after a short while, trying my best to stifle a laugh.

I quickly had to turn away to hide my amusement but he tugged at my sleeve impatiently. trying to hide his anxiety. He gave a nervous giggle before continuing.

“Not as good looking as me I hope!”

“Oh I don’t know, she’s pretty hot……”

His eyes widened in disbelief and I couldn’t hold back the laughter any longer. He nudged me hard in the ribs when he realized I was joking, but my sides still heaved with laughter.

“Jason! You’re winding me up!!”

“Oh my god” I spluttered “Your face was a picture. I can’t believe you fell for that”

He frowned slightly and it was obvious he had something on his mind.

“What is it Connor?” I asked, as the laughter drained away.

“It’s just that you can hardly blame me for thinking…….well, you know”

“Thinking what?” I urged him impatiently.

“It’s just that some guys….well….you know, they like a bit of both”

“Yeah, well that’s not me!” I hastily reassured him, rubbing his arm soothingly “I’m one hundred percent into guys, so as far as I’m concerned there is no competition”

I watched his shoulders sag as he visibly relaxed and the look of relief that spread across his face made me smile.

“So what did she want then?”

“She asked me if you really did have a girlfriend”

I sighed in exasperation and rolled my eyes skywards “I’ve already told her once!”

“I know, but I can see why she might be persistent” he commented reasonably “I know I would be”

“Yeah, but you’d be successful” I answered, squeezing his hand.

“So what did you tell her, she’s the wrong sex?

“No, of course not! I just told her that you’re already spoken for”

I’d hated lying to her in the first place, but couldn’t help admiring the subtle way that Connor had neither confirmed nor denied her question.

“Let’s hope that’s enough to put her off”

“Don’t worry Jason, I think it will be”

I glanced at him doubtfully, not at all convinced by his reassurance. My fears were more than justified a moment later when he coughed surreptitiously and nodded towards the bar. My eyes widened and I stared at Connor uneasily as Melanie tottered over towards us.

“Why don’t you join us for a drink guys? She asked, standing as close to me as possible.

Although her question was directed at both of us, her eyes never left mine and it was obviously a thinly disguised attempt to come on to me. I had to admire her tenacity, but all I could manage in return was a weak smile and a sigh of resignation. There was an uncomfortable silence and I stared at Connor helplessly, willing him to respond.

“We’d rather not if you don’t mind” he answered, smiling at her pleasantly.

She’d obviously had more than her fair share of alcohol and suddenly flopped down on the chair opposite me. “C’mon Jason” she urged, completely ignoring him “It’s not as though your other half’s here yet, is it? One drink won’t harm”

Connor had clearly had enough by this time and my heart began to beat furiously as he indignantly spluttered a response. “He is actually!”

“What are you talking about?”she asked him, shaking her head in puzzlement.

“His other half is right here!” he exclaimed, making sure she understood.

I immediately went bright red as uncontrollable feelings of pride and excitement surged through me. I’d never been anyone’s ‘other half’ before and it suddenly brought home to me the significance of our budding relationship. Connor’s revelation still didn’t seem to register with Melanie and he obviously thought the situation called for desperate measures. Without saying another word he grasped the back of my neck and pulled me towards him, kissing me squarely on the lips. As he reluctantly pulled away from me several seconds later, the look of wide eyed shock that registered on her face was a picture and she rose to her feet unsteadily.

“Oh well” she said, tossing her head as if it were some minor inconvenience “Perhaps they’ll find a cure one day”

Her withering look of pity and parting shot brought hidden feelings of shame and insecurity flooding back to the surface and I could only sit there, unable to think of a suitable reply. Connor, on the other hand, had obviously been in this situation many times before. He stared at her and shook his head in disgust, immediately firing back an answer.

“And maybe they’ll find a cure for bigoted people like you a lot sooner!”

From the look on her face his reply had obviously hit home and without saying another word, she turned around and disappeared back towards the bar. Connor made sure she was still near enough to hear his next comment

“Take no notice Jason, she’s only jealous”

For a second or two I couldn’t trust myself to answer coherently and could feel my eyes becoming moist as I struggled to hold back my emotions. Although I knew that Connor was right, her words had cut deep like a knife, leaving me hurt and upset. He put his arm around my shoulder and in a soft voice tinged with sympathy, gently began to explain the reality of the situation.

“Look Jason, I know you’re upset and she had no right to say what she did, but unfortunately this is what it’s like to be gay sometimes. Most of the time people are ok, but I’m afraid you’re going to have to put up with a lot more from now on if you want us to be together”

“Of course I want us to be together!” I almost shouted.

A sigh of resignation escaped my lips and I shrugged my shoulders helplessly. “In other words get used to it, you mean?”

“Well yeah. That’s exactly what I mean. I know it sounds harsh but…..”

“No, no you’re right” I interrupted “I understand. It’s going to happen all the time”

“Unfortunately it is” he replied wistfully “It might only be a look or an odd comment, but think about what happened in the park. I’m afraid that’s just how it is”

He fell silent for a moment and gazed at me expectantly. “So….do you think you can take it?”

“Oh believe me, I can take anything” I answered, smiling at him and winking suggestively.

“I’m being serious Jason!” he exclaimed, unable to keep the smile off his face.

“Don’t worry Connor, I’m a big boy now, I’ll be fine!” I assured him breezily.

“Now that I can confirm!” he chuckled “You’re definitely a big boy!”

Hiding behind innuendo was just my way of dealing with the stark reality of the situation. I couldn’t quite believe how naïve I’d been and the way that I’d let Melanie get to me. Of course I knew how some people reacted when faced with homosexuality. After all, I’d been trying to avoid it for as long as I could remember. It was different when it was just unconfirmed supposition though. Experiencing the reality of being openly gay in a situation like this was definitely a shock to the system and if I could help it, not one that I wanted to repeat in a hurry.

Meanwhile, Melanie had returned to the bar and was busy telling her friends in a loud voice what had just happened. Their stares of disbelief and whispered comments were hard to take and I downed the rest of my beer in one go.

“On second thoughts Connor, perhaps it might take me a while to get used to. Do you mind if we just go, I want to get out of here?”

“Yeah course” he agreed grabbing his coat “We’ll go back to the flat if you like, dinner should be ready fairly soon anyway”

I nodded my agreement, but couldn’t help inwardly smiling at the nervous tone that crept into his voice whenever he mentioned dinner. Cooking for me was obviously a big deal to him and I was determined to enjoy it, despite the fact that my stomach was churning with the anticipation of ‘dessert’. We drained our glasses and both stood up at the same time. Connor pointed to the far side of the room.

“I need to use the toilet first Jason, won’t be a sec”

He walked away and I was left standing self consciously in the middle of the room, desperately trying to avoid any form of eye contact. There was a sudden lull in conversation and in a desperate attempt to block out the whispered comments and innuendo, I began to quietly hum my favourite song. It didn’t work though, and Melanie’s loud comments could be still be heard as she continued to drunkenly berate me in front of her friends.

“What a fucking waste! Good looking guy like that and guess what, he likes to use the back door!”

The others burst into laughter and the room seemed to suddenly close in around me, leaving me feeling like a goldfish in a giant bowl, exposed and alone. My face was burning with embarrassment and whilst my head screamed at me to run a mile, my determination and stubbornness kept me rooted to the spot, determined to await Connor’s return. After what seemed like an age I felt a comforting arm drape over my shoulder and Connor whispered in my ear.

“C’mon Jason, let’s go”

Suddenly a harsh voice rung out from the bar “It’s about time you left. Fucking queer bastards!”

The final comment was delivered by a fat guy standing next to Melanie at the bar. I abruptly stopped in my tracks and turned around, clenching my hand into a fist. My embarrassment had quickly turned to anger and all my pent up frustrations overflowed into fury. Connor immediately sensed what was about to happen and grasped my arm tightly, hurriedly attempting to steer me towards the door.

“C’mon Jason, it’s not worth it. Let’s go”

I shook his hand roughly away and time seemed to stand still as a deathly silence enveloped the room. Connor’s impassioned plea had fallen on deaf ears and I walked back towards the bar to face the guy that had spoken. His face had turned the same shade of pink as the shirt he was wearing and I grasped the front of it with both hands, roughly pulling him towards me.

“Would you like to repeat what you just said?” I hissed, inches away from his terrified face.

I could feel his whole body shaking, but my anger prevented me from backing off. His hesitant voice was reduced to a thin croak as he struggled to speak against his tightened collar.

“So s-s-sorry….” he stuttered, clearly terrified “I didn’t mean anything by it”

My half raised arm and clenched fist were suspended in mid air as my anger wrestled furiously with my conscience. Under normal circumstances I was a fairly easy going type of guy who could take most things with a pinch of salt. A few whispered jibes, however distasteful I could tolerate, but this guy’s comment had been delivered in a loud voice full of hatred for all to hear, completely disregarding our feelings. He deserved everything he got as far as I was concerned, but to hit him would almost certainly have meant being barred from the pub. Why should I let some bigoted clown, too drunk to even realize what he’d said, stop me from drinking in my favourite pub.

Suddenly, as if to confirm what I’d been thinking, a hand rested on my arm and the sympathetic tone of Liz’s quiet voice held an undeniable warning.

“It’s best that you don’t Jason!”

My arm slowly dropped back to my side and as the tension dissipated from my body, a collective sigh of relief seemed to emanate from around the room. I let go of his shirt and lightly tapping his cheek, issued my own harsh warning.

“Just be careful what you say with that filthy mouth of yours in future, you might not be so lucky next time!”

He nodded meekly and stepped back against the bar, putting as much distance between us as he possibly could. In a voice laced with relief he gave a stuttered apology.

“Look, I really am s-s-sorry.”

“Yeah, so you said” I answered sarcastically, slowly backing away.

I felt Connor’s arm gently pull me away and he whispered quietly in my ear “C’mon Jason, let’s go”

I caught sight of Liz’s grateful smile out of the corner of my eye as we walked towards the door and I instinctively knew we would still be welcome in future. My heart continued to race as we stepped outside, wondering how Connor would react to what had just happened. Some people abhorred any form of violence or confrontation and if that was his view then our relationship could be in trouble. It was time to apologise and I turned towards him with a worried look on my face.

“Connor, I’m really sorry about that! It wasn’t supposed to happen”

I waited with baited breath for his reaction, totally unsure what to expect. The smile on his face immediately told me there was nothing to worry about and I heaved a huge sigh of relief.

“Hey, don’t apologise!” he exclaimed, kissing me lightly on the lips “He deserved it. I just didn’t realize I had such a brave boyfriend”

“Yeah well, I don’t see why we should have to put up with that kind of crap” I answered, still angry about what had happened.

A few seconds later a smile lit up my face and any remaining anger quickly dissipated as I realized what Connor had just said. “Ah, so I’m your boyfriend now am I?”

“Well yeah….but only if you want to be that is?”

He smiled at me eagerly and it was incredibly touching that his voice was full of hope and anticipation as he waited for my reply.

I pretended to give it some serious consideration, before finally shaking my head uncertainly. “I don’t know Connor……you’re not really my type”

His face dropped like a stone and I gently punched him in the shoulder, unable to keep the excitement out of my voice.

“Only joking Connor, I’d love to be your boyfriend!”

A secret thrill rushed through me and every nerve end in my body began to tingle with exhilaration. I could hardly believe it, my first boyfriend!! Before I realized what was happening, Connor had pulled me into a dark alleyway at the side of the pub. The only light to invade it was the muted glow of a nearby street lamp that illuminated the entrance, enabling us to hide further back in the shadows. He pushed me against the wall and pressed his body against mine, kissing me hungrily. I didn’t care that the cold, rough brickwork scraped the back of my head and I responded with equal gusto, holding on to the back of his neck so that he couldn’t pull away. At that moment it was hard to describe how happy I felt and I held on to Connor tightly, as if my euphoric mood was about to be snatched away at any second. Finally, we pulled apart and Connor gently rested his forehead against mine. It was one of those wonderfully intimate moments that I’d only dreamt of before today and my pulse began racing crazily.

“I’m really glad I met you Jason Wright. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in ages!”

“I feel exactly the same way Connor” I agreed enthusiastically “And thank you!”

He raised his head momentarily to look me in the eyes and a brief expression of puzzlement crossed his face “What do you need to thank me for?”

“Just for helping me to be myself. At least when I’m with you anyway” I added quickly.

A frown clouded my face and I glanced at him nervously “Don’t think I’m ready to tell anyone else yet though”

He smiled at me sympathetically “You don’t need to Jason. Just tell them in your own time”

With one final kiss we left the comforting darkness of the alleyway and re emerged onto the street.