A Different Love - 37. Chapter 37

The day seemed to pass by in a blur and the next thing I knew it was time to go home. Tom and Sarah finished at the same time and I flushed with panic, suddenly remembering that Nathan was coming to collect me. As we all left the building by the side door he was standing against his car, smoking a cigarette. He waved and walked towards us, the usual cheerful smile spreading quickly across his handsome face. His cheeks were flushed from the cold night air and his eyes shone as they reflected the lights of the building. My heart skipped a beat as it always did whenever I saw him and butterflies danced around crazily in my stomach.

“Hiya Jase” he said, greeting me cheerfully.

I glanced behind me anxiously, knowing I would have no choice but to introduce my workmates. Tom was already looking at Nathan with growing interest and I could see he was bursting to know if this was my 'friend'. I coughed nervously and turned back to face him

“Been waiting long Naith?”

“No, not really. I got here about ten minutes ago”

“Oh, this is Tom and Sarah by the way” I said, standing aside to introduce them.

“Hiya guys” he said, greeting them warmly and shaking hands.

“This is my friend Nathan” I said, rushing to introduce him.

It was hard to keep the pride out of my voice and I glanced nervously at Tom, only to be met by raised eyebrows and a knowing, amused look. I blushed slightly and turned away, but he wasn't letting me off so easily. I guessed he was itching to meet Nathan properly and his next words confirmed it.

“Look Jason, Sarah and I are going for a drink. Why don’t the two of you join us?” he suggested

The idea didn’t appeal to me in the least and I answered for the two of us, hoping that Nathan would realise I wasn’t keen and decline the invitation. I turned towards him and tried to convey my feelings with a frown “You probably want to get back, don’t you Naith?”

Instead he was all for it and enthusiastically took up the offer “No no, it’s fine. I’d love to come”

My heart sank and I had no alternative but to agree. I would probably spend the entire time feeling awkward and embarrassed and would much rather have had Nathan all to myself.

“Great! That’s settled then” said Tom eagerly “We’ll go to the Grapes; it’s just around the corner”

He led us off in the direction of the pub and I fell in beside him. Nathan walked behind us chatting with Sarah and I wondered if before long she’d be another one of his conquests. I doubted it somehow though as she seemed to be a really nice girl, hopefully not as prone to casual one night stands. I immediately felt the usual pang of guilt for thinking the worst of him but if I was truthful, it probably came down to a case of pure jealousy. If I couldn’t have him, I didn't want anyone else to. I surreptitiously pulled Tom towards me as we started walking and spoke to him in a low voice.

“You won’t mention anything about erm…..you know what, will you Tom?”

“No, of course not. My lips are sealed”

He drew his finger across them to confirm it, but the nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach refused to go away.

The Grapes public house was extremely busy as we walked in through the front door. The unmistakable aroma of tobacco smoke hung in the warm air and an old Tom Jones hit playing on the duke box failed to drown out the raucous noise of conversation and laughter. Tom motioned us to follow him through a door at the side of the bar and we walked behind him in single file down the narrow corridor. The snug room at the back of the pub was much quieter, and the drone of conversation and music from the other room was reduced to a dull roar. Gnarled wooden benches were arranged around rough, uneven tables and we sat down in the corner, close to the roaring fire. Sparks crackled up the back of the chimney from the glowing logs and flames cast dancing reflections in the empty beer glasses lined up on one of the tables.

The heat was a welcome respite from the cold night air and as I sat with my back to the fire I could feel the warmth slowly begin to envelop me.

“That’s better” remarked Sarah “We can hear ourselves think now”

I nodded in agreement and for some reason the smile she directed towards me caused a slight feeling of uneasiness. I noticed Nathan’s expression of amusement and concentrated instead on what Tom was saying.

“Right guys, the drinks are on me. What’s everyone having?”

"A white wine please" replied Sarah

"Nathan?"

"Oh, a pint of bitter please"

He half stood up, offering to accompany Tom to the bar. "I'll come with you if you like. Help you carry them"

Tom hurriedly gave a negative response and turned towards me "It's ok Nathan. Jason can come with me"

He gazed at me pointedly, raising his eyebrows slightly. He flicked his head in the direction of the bar and I instantly understood that he wanted to talk to me in private.

“Nathan seems nice” Tom remarked as we stood waiting to be served. “I’m impressed Jason. You’ve picked a good looking one there!”

His words were loaded with inference and I glanced at him nervously. “I don’t know what you mean Tom?”

He chuckled to himself and his eyes narrowed mischievously “Admit it Jason, you fancy him something rotten, don’t you?”

“No!!” I said, blushing bright red "And anyway, he’s not gay”

"Doesn't stop you wishing he was though, does it?"

I deftly managed to avoid answering his question "Well he's not! I know that for sure"

“That’s a pity; I saw the way you looked at him earlier”

I didn't trust myself to reply but still couldn't help myself from glancing across the room at him.

“He seems to be getting on well with Sarah anyway” I remarked, trying hard to keep the tone of jealousy out of my voice.

Tom immediately picked up on it and nudged me triumphantly. “You do fancy him, don’t you? I knew it!”

“Who wouldn’t” I answered with a deep sigh, gazing across at him longingly “He’s everything I ever wanted”

At that moment the barmaid came across to serve us and Tom ordered our drinks. A moment later three pints of bitter and a white wine stood on the bar and we carried them back to our table.

“You ok Jase, you look a bit flushed?” Nathan commented as we sat down.

“Yeah, it’s just a bit hot in here that’s all”

A barely noticeable frown crossed his face as he caught the fleeting glance that passed between me and Tom. A second later the smile was back on his face and he raised his glass towards us. “Cheers everyone. Here's to new friends.......and the future” he added philosophically.

We all lifted our glasses and mirroring Nathan’s gesture, took a long drink of the refreshing ale. Sarah sipped her wine sedately, laughing at our frothy moustaches left behind by the foam covered beer.

“So what’s my best friend like to work with then?” Nathan laughed, clapping me on the back “Give me all the juicy gossip!”

I held my breath, hoping Sarah wouldn’t mention anything about Aiden. There was no need to worry on that score though as she simply smiled and took the opportunity to rub her hand up and down my leg.

“He’s the perfect employee, aren’t you Jason?”

Cringing with acute embarrassment I stared at Tom helplessly. She must have known about the smashed computer but chose to ignore my involvement. It was painfully obvious that Sarah had a huge crush on me and I had no idea how to put her off without raising suspicion. Tom and Nathan exchanged glances of amusement and could barely contain their hilarity. Desperately trying to regain my composure, I instinctively moved away slightly and quickly disagreed with her. “Mr Buchan certainly wouldn’t have the same opinion”

“Ah, but he doesn’t appreciate just how good looking you are” laughed Nathan "Isn't that right Sarah?"

The look of admiration on her face meant she didn't even have to answer and I shifted uncomfortably. Tom tactfully decided to change the subject when he saw how uncomfortable I was and quickly turned his attention towards Nathan.

“So where do you work Nathan?” he asked

“Oh…erm… in Hamborough. At AWB Engineering Works”

"What do you do there?"

It was Nathan’s turn to be flustered now as he struggled to decide how much information to disclose. I knew from experience that he didn’t like to mention his father owning the company, but I was still smarting slightly from his earlier comment to Sarah and I couldn’t help retaliating slightly.

“He does a bit of everything, don’t you Nathan?” I offered on his behalf “His dad wanted him to have an apprenticeship”

He shot me a slightly wounded look and a feeling of regret instantly made me change my mind about going any further. “You can’t go wrong with an apprenticeship, can you?” I added, smiling at him.

Tom nodded in agreement and a relieved look spread over Nathan’s face as he realised I wasn’t going to say anymore. Sarah abruptly changed the subject, deftly steering it back around to me.

“It’s a pity you’re not coming to the Christmas party tomorrow Jason”

“I’m afraid that’s my fault Sarah” Nathan volunteered, squeezing my shoulder affectionately “He’s spoken for tomorrow night, aren’t you Jase?”

Tom raised his eyebrows slightly at Nathan’s unreserved show of affection and Sarah tried her best to hide the look of disappointment that spread over her face.

“You could both come” she continued hopefully “I’m sure no one at work would mind”

There was one person who most definitely would I thought to myself and a negative response was instantaneous. “No, no we can’t cancel it now” I protested, shooting Nathan a look that said he’d better agree “It’s been booked for ages”

“Yeah, it’s too late” he said, immediately backing me up “I’ve paid for it already”

She wasn't about to give up that easily though and continued excitedly “But where are you going?” she asked “We might be able to meet up afterwards”

I gave an inward sigh of annoyance at her persistence and was deliberately vague “Oh erm a Chinese restaurant in Hamborough, I think”

I turned towards Nathan for confirmation and he nodded, his look of confusion proving he was unsure how much more to say. There was no way we’d meet up with them anyway, I thought to myself with relief. They were bound to be eating in the city as they usually did and there’d be no chance of us being anywhere near them. A second later my relief turned to horror when Tom delivered some devastating news and my worst nightmare came true.

“That’s a coincidence” he announced, looking far too pleased with himself “We’re going to Hamborough this year too. Most people seem to live out that way these days and there’s a new Chinese restaurant that’s supposed to be really good. We thought we might as well give it a try”

In contrast to my horror, a huge smile lit up Sarah’s face and she could hardly control her delight at the news. “We’ll definitely be able to meet up now” she exclaimed happily “We can’t miss each other”

She was undoubtedly right, I thought to myself miserably. Hamborough wasn’t a massive place and from the slight expression of surprise on Nathan’s face, it was almost certainly the same restaurant that we were going to. My heart sank as I realised it meant that Aiden would probably be there too and the last thing I wanted was for him to be anywhere near Nathan.

“Any idea where the toilets are Tom?” asked Nathan, disturbing my train of thought.

"Oh yeah. You go back down the corridor and turn right past the bar” he explained “They’re in the far corner”

“I need to go as well” piped up Sarah “I’ll come with you”

They were barely through the door when I turned towards Tom with an expression of blind panic on my face. “Tom, you’ve got to help me” I insisted “What the hell am I going to do about Sarah!”

“She’s certainly got a thing for you” he remarked, shaking his head "But not quite as big a thing as you've got for Nathan!" He added, laughing suggestively.

I wasn’t quite sure if he was being smutty or not, but I decided to ignore it and agree with him anyway. “Tell me something I don't know!”

“Sorry I laughed at you earlier when she touched your leg Jason, but the look on your face was priceless”

For the first time in a while the beginnings of a smile appeared on my face and for a split second I could see how funny it must have been to them. The panic soon returned with a vengeance however and I stared at Tom expectantly, the look in my eyes begging him for help.

“We could always try and pair the two of them off together” he suggested jokingly, pointing at the empty seats “Think how good looking their babies would be”

Had it not been for my incredibly strong feelings towards Nathan it would have been an excellent idea, but there was no way I would allow it and I jumped in far too quickly. “NO!! Definitely not. We can’t do that”

Tom shook his head slowly and stared at me in amazement. “Bloody hell Jason, talk about Sarah! You really have got it bad”

“No, it’s not like that at all” I protested defensively, knowing the game was up.

“Yes it is Jason!” he said with certainty “Just admit it; you’re head over heels in love with the guy, aren’t you?”

There was a long silence as the gravity and truth of what he’d said began to sink in. I’d never dared admit it before until now but he was perfectly right. I had fallen so utterly and completely in love with Nathan that it physically hurt. The powerful all-consuming emotions that surged through me were unlike anything I’d ever experienced before and I couldn’t believe how incredibly special he made me feel. I loved everything about him. The way he smiled and made me laugh, his habit of shortening my name like no one else had ever done before and his stunningly beautiful body that literally took my breath away. His handsome face was the last thing I saw at night and the first thing that greeted me in the morning, constantly reminding me how lucky I was to have met him. How could I risk losing all that? A simple nod and a deep sigh confirmed my answer and he shook his head once again, finally realising how desperate I was.

“Seriously Tom, what can I do about Sarah?” I implored him

“Look Jason" he said, lightly punching my shoulder "Take her out for a drink”

An expression of panic immediately spread over my face and I stared at him as though he’d gone crazy. My voice rose in pitch and I leant in towards him anxiously “I can’t do that Tom! She’ll think I’m interested”

“Calm down!” he interrupted “Let me finish”

The panic in my voice trailed away as I realised he was offering me some serious advice.

“Take her out for a drink” he continued calmly. “Make sure she’s aware it’s not a date and then just tell her the truth"

“The truth” I stuttered hesitantly “You mean…..the real truth”

“Of course I mean the real truth! You might be surprised how well she takes it. Believe me, it’s the only way you’re going to sort this out”

His words stunned me into silence as my mind processed this latest revelation. A few seconds later I grabbed his arm in panic. "You mean there's a chance she might already have guessed?"

"It's possible. That's all I'm saying"

"But how?"

"Oh I don't know. Could be a combination of things. Aiden's rumours. Your refusal to go on a date with her. Or just plain old women's intuition I guess"

Tom seemed to have an answer for everything and determined to redress the balance I responded triumphantly "So if that's the case then, why is she still trying?"

"Because she fancies you like crazy and hopes to god she's wrong" he retorted, with a look of concern.

My face fell and he nudged me encouragingly. "Don't worry Jason. It'll be fine, you'll see"

I gazed at him doubtfully as my next fear immediately surfaced "And what about Nathan? Won't he realise too?"

At this point Tom had trouble keeping the smile off his face and he shook his head in disbelief "He will if you don't stop staring at him all goofy eyed and love struck.

"I don't.......I..."

Before Tom even had a chance to respond, Nathan had returned from the toilet and was standing in front of the table with an inquisitive look on his face. “What are you two so deep in conversation about?”

As I hesitated to find an answer, Tom jumped in quickly with what he hoped was a plausible response. “Oh you know, just work stuff"

Nathan didn’t look particularly convinced as he took in my anxious expression and I immediately tried to back up Tom’s reply.

“Yeah, we were just discussing sales targets. All very boring I’m afraid”

He gave a small laugh and his eyes narrowed before responding "Oh, I didn't realise the subject was so emotionally charged"

I glanced at him nervously and he sat down again, draining the last of his beer. Tom broke the uncomfortable silence that followed with a sudden unexpected question

“Have you got a girlfriend Nathan?”

I glanced across at him, slightly surprised by his forthright tone of voice. Nathan didn’t seem to mind his direct approach at all though and answered in his usual easy manner.

“Oh no one special at the moment Tom. I’m always on the lookout though"

“I wouldn’t have thought you’d have to look very far Nathan” Tom replied casually.

For some inexplicable reason, a slight feeling of discomfort came over me at Tom’s straightforwardness and I wondered what he was getting at.

“I don’t normally, but I’m sort of……erm……in between relationships at the moment. It’s complicated"

I frowned slightly. He'd never mentioned anything about being in between relationships to me before and I couldn't help feeling he was being deliberately vague.

"Not quite sure which way to turn, eh?"

I was beginning to feel decidedly uncomfortable and almost choked on my beer at Tom’s barely disguised innuendo. My heart beat faster and I couldn’t understand what he was playing at. Nathan, however, just laughed it off and answered non-committedly.

"Something like that Tom"

There was another awkward pause before he continued with another question. “So how long have you two known each other for?

“Just over a week now” Nathan answered, smiling at me “We met last Wednesday to be precise”

Genuinely taken aback, Tom couldn’t hide the expression of surprise that spread across his face and his eyes opened wide with astonishment. His reaction once again unsettled me and feigning innocence, I rushed to find out the reason.

"Why do you ask Tom?"

“Oh it's nothing really. I just presumed for some reason that you’d known each other for ages, that's all”

“It’s because we get on so well” Nathan said, grinning at me “Isn’t that right Jase?”

“Certainly is” I agreed, smiling back at him nervously.

“Another drink?” Nathan asked, standing up. “Same again guys?”

We both answered yes and he gathered up the glasses, leaving Sarah’s unfinished wine where it was.

“I’ll get Sarah’s when she comes back” he said, making his way to the bar.

Tom followed my line of vision and watched as my eyes became fixed on the back of his jeans. “You can pop them back into their sockets now Jason” he said, laughing out loud “His jeans won’t come off with a stare you know”

My face reddened slightly, unaware that he’d been watching me ogling Nathan’s gorgeous rear.

“It won’t take him long to realise you’re gay if you keep doing that” he warned “He’s bound to notice. You can’t take your eyes off him”

Ignoring his well meaning comments, I frowned at him and whispered urgently in his ear. “What’s with all the question’s anyway Tom? You’re the one that’ll make him suspicious!”

“You worry too much Jason” he answered calmly “I’m only trying to make sure he’s straight”

“I keep telling you, he is!”

“How can you possibly know for certain?” he reasoned “You’ve only known him for a week! I thought you were old school friends or something”

My voice began to rise and I looked towards the bar, afraid he would hear. “He’s got a daughter for a start and he’s always talking about girls” I hissed, trying to make him see how wrong he was. “How much more proof do you need?”

I glanced towards Nathan again and this time he was engaged in animated conversation with the barmaid. “Look. He’s even chatting her up now!”

“Ok, you win! I’ll keep my mouth shut. But I still think.....”

Tom!!"

We were prevented from discussing it any further by Sarah returning to the table. Nathan turned around and signalled that he was buying another drink and she emptied her glass and held it up, nodding at him in confirmation. I was still debating what Tom had said when she sat down again and immediately sensing that something was wrong between us, put her hand on my arm in a gesture of concern.

“What’s the matter with you two? she remarked, glancing at us enquiringly “You’re very deep in conversation”

Before either of us could reply, I let out a cry of pain as her hand came into contact with my damaged wrist.

“Oh, I’m so sorry Jason, I completely forgot about your arm”

“Why, what’s the matter with it Jason” Tom enquired sharply.

I slowly drew up the sleeve of my sweater revealing the jagged scar that ran down my lower arm. The slightly lighter band where my watch had been reminded me yet again I would somehow have to find the money to replace it as soon as possible.

“Jesus Christ Jason” he exclaimed in a shocked voice “How on earth did you do that? It wasn’t Aid……”

Quickly interrupting him, I cut him off in mid sentence. “I had an argument with a wall last week"

Thankfully Sarah didn’t seem to realise what he’d been about to say and I heaved a sigh of relief as yet another disaster was averted.

“Let’s just say he wasn’t in control of all his faculties and the wall came off best, eh Jase?” said Nathan, setting the drinks down on the table.

I looked at the others sheepishly, feeling obliged to offer some kind of explanation. “It was the other night” I began haltingly “Nathan and I were in the pub in Dryford and I’d had far too much to drink. As soon as we went outside into the cold air it seemed to hit me all at once and I fell into a wall”

“I hope the wall was alright” quipped Tom jokingly. His nervous laugh held little mirth and I guessed he was just relieved to find it had nothing to do with Aiden.

I failed to appreciate the joke though and stared at everyone glumly. “I’ve no idea about the wall, I was too drunk to see. The only thing I do know is that I’ve completely smashed the watch my mum and dad bought me for my eighteenth”

The feeling of deep unhappiness and regret that always accompanied any thoughts of the smashed watch immediately came over me, as I remembered their happy faces the day they’d given it to me. “I think it was quite expensive too, engraved on the back and everything"

“I told you Jase" Nathan immediately cut in "I’ll sort it out for you. Don’t worry about it”

“You should be more careful Jason” Sarah warned in a concerned voice “You could really hurt yourself getting so drunk. How on earth did you get home?”

“Oh, Nathan looked after me” I said, smiling at him “The next thing I remember was waking up the following morning”

“I bet you never even made it into bed” laughed Tom “I always used to end up fully clothed in a heap on the floor.

“Yeah, I did actually. Nath........." I stopped in mid sentence and there was an awkward silence as Tom and Sarah realised what I’d been about to say.

“As long as you didn’t end up in bed together” she joked, nudging my shoulder.

“Oh no, nothing like that Sarah” answered Nathan laughing “I was tucked up in my own bed an hour later”

It was Sarah’s turn to feel awkward now and she quickly tried to make amends. “Sorry Nathan, I didn’t mean to suggest…...”

“What do you take me for Sarah?” he asked her, returning the joke. “If I wanted to take advantage of him, I’d at least wait until he was sober!”

I could feel Tom’s eyes boring into me but refused to meet his gaze, unwilling to encourage any further speculation on his part. I was slightly more used to Nathan’s rather odd sense of humour than the others and knew that he sometimes liked to shock people. The conversation quickly moved on to computers and the merits of various types of associated equipment. My attention soon began to wander and was taken up by the impressive collection of different beer mats pinned above the bar.

Two guys suddenly walked in through the open passage, laughing and joking with each other. One of them looked vaguely familiar and I could've sworn that I'd met him somewhere before. They were probably about my age, smartly dressed in shirts and ties and my interest was immediately aroused. They stood at the bar talking and from their mannerisms and body language, I could tell straight away they were a couple. The affectionate way they touched one another that little bit longer than was necessary proved to be the ultimate give away and I couldn’t help myself from staring at them. The taller one of the two suddenly glanced in my direction, inadvertently catching my stare and I turned away guiltily, not wishing to appear discourteous. He was probably used to people staring at him, I reasoned and most likely would take no notice. A second later, however, he began walking across the room towards me and I froze with horror, dreading the consequences of my action. To my surprise he ignored me completely and stood behind Tom, tapping him lightly on the shoulder

“I bet your wife doesn’t know where you are, does she?” he laughed, smiling at us all.

Tom quickly turned around and greeted him warmly “Hiya Mate, how are you!”

“Yeah, I’m good thanks”

With a wide smile and a meaningful glance at me, he quickly introduced him. “This is my brother Chris everyone”

So this was the brother that Tom had told me about! Seeing him standing there somehow made his story seem even more real and the unexpected opportunity to meet him set my pulse racing. We all greeted him, and he gave each of us a smile, before gazing at his brother expectantly.

"Oh Chris" Tom said, pointing us out individually "Sarah, Jason & Nathan"

By now the other guy had walked across and stood by his side, patiently waiting to be introduced. Chris immediately turned towards him and put his arm around his shoulder before gently ushering him forward. “And this is Liam, my partner”

He instinctively studied our faces for signs of derision, painfully aware how often people’s reactions were negative. His face lit up when he saw that no one had responded unfavourably and he visibly relaxed.

"Hi everyone" Liam answered shyly, looking mainly at me.

He looked really familiar, and I struggled to think where I knew him from. I could tell from the way he looked at me that he'd recognised me too and I smiled back at him, nodding my acknowledgement.

“Nice to meet you all” answered Chris, with a wide smile.

We all greeted them warmly and Tom stood up, moving his chair to one side. “Sit down and join us”

“Thanks Tom. We can’t stay long though, were due at a friend’s party soon”

We all stood up and pulled two tables together, rearranging enough chairs around them for everyone to sit down.

“So, do you all work together?” asked Chris, when everyone was settled.

“Me, Jason and Sarah do” answered Tom “But Nathan is Jason’s friend”

Was there a barely imperceptible pause before the word friend or was it just my imagination? One look at Tom’s face confirmed that it wasn’t, and I glanced at the others to see if anyone had noticed. No one appeared to have done so and a small sigh of relief escaped my lips. Chris and Liam sat close to each other and I could just see Chris’s hand resting on Liam’s knee under the table. It was obvious they cared for each other a great deal and I desperately wished that Nathan and I could be so intimate.

“So how did you and Liam meet?” Nathan enquired of Chris.

“Oh, I’m a supermarket manager in Hamborough and Liam came to work there too. It’s where we first got together” he explained, smiling at Liam as he stroked the inside of his leg. The display of open affection between the two men fascinated me and I had to restrain myself from watching too closely. Tom noticed my interest and the ghost of a smile crossed his face as I struggled to avoid his gaze. Liam suddenly turned towards me with a puzzled look on his face and I hoped he hadn’t noticed my stares.

“Jason” he began hesitantly “I'm sure I know you from somewhere? You look really familiar”

It suddenly dawned on me all of a sudden where I knew him from, and I quickly enlightened him.

“I think we might have gone to the same school together for a short time Liam. I don’t think you were there for very long though”

“Ah that’s right! I remember now!” he said, flashing me a grateful smile “You were very kind to me”

His words choked me as I recalled what he'd gone through during the short time he was there. Casting my mind back, I remembered a small timid boy that had suddenly appeared sitting next to me in my form class on the first day of a new term. He was painfully shy and withdrawn and I was pretty sure that even back then everyone had assumed he was gay. He quickly seemed to become a magnet for every bully in the school and I'd got into no end of fights trying to protect him, especially against Aiden. The look in his eyes confirmed my recollections were correct and I was glad that he’d finally found someone he could be happy with.

The lads proved to be really friendly and easy to get on with and we all chatted together for a bit longer. Finally, Chris stood up and announced that they really should get going. I'd really enjoyed their company and was touched when Liam shook my hand and thanked me for my help at school. We said our goodbyes to them, and they left, enthusiastically agreeing that we should meet again sometime soon.

“It’s about time I was going as well” announced Tom, draining the last of his beer “My wife will be wondering where I’ve got to”

“Yeah, us too” said Nathan, looking at me for confirmation

“I need the toilet first though" said Tom standing up, won’t be a minute”

“Hang on a sec Tom, I’ll come with you" I shouted after him

We made our way down the narrow corridor back into the main room. It was still fairly busy, and I followed close behind him, carefully avoiding the throng of people crowding the bar.

“Nathan seemed pretty cool with Chris and his boyfriend being a couple” Tom remarked, as we stood washing our hands.

“It doesn’t mean he’d want someone who’s gay as his best friend though, does it?” I answered, echoing an earlier thought “Gay by association and all that”

“Yeah, but look at it this way Jason” he answered in a matter-of-fact voice “He’s got one whether he likes it or not”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t know it though, does he?” I pointed out firmly “And I can’t take the risk of him finding out either. I’d be devastated if I lost him”

“Sorry but I don’t buy it” insisted Tom “It’s blatantly obvious he thinks the world of you. I’m sure he’d understand”

“Yeah, but what if it changes things? Let me get to know him a bit better first Tom. It’s only been just over a week since we met after all. I’ll tell him soon, I promise!"

“Course Jason. It’s your call. I’m only trying to help”

“I know you are Tom and believe me, I’m really grateful. You’ve been brilliant about the whole thing"

He looked pleased at my praise and I smiled at him in appreciation. "I really like Chris by the way; he seems like a great guy. And Liam too of course"

"So what's the story there Jason?" he asked with a puzzled look "He seemed really grateful to you"

I sighed deeply and shook my head. "He had a pretty bad time of it at school Tom. He was bullied really badly. I just tried to protect him, that's all"

"It seems as if you did a pretty good job, judging by his reaction"

"Yeah well. I hated the way he was treated, just for being different!"

My response was delivered with uncharacteristic anger and Tom instantly understood why I felt so strongly about it.

"The thing is though" I continued, sighing at how ironic it was "You'll never guess who was usually behind it?"

His forehead creased in puzzlement as he waited for my response "Who?"

"Only our friend Aiden!"

"What!!" he exclaimed as his eyebrows shot up in surprise "I didn't even realise you went to school with him"

"Oh yes! We have a long history"

Tom dried his hands on a paper towel and threw it in the bin.

“C’mon, we’d better get back. You can tell me about it later"

When we returned to the bar Nathan and Sarah had put their coats on and were waiting for us at the table. “I said we’d give Sarah a lift Jase, save her getting the bus”

My heart sank and I hoped it didn’t show in my response. “Yeah, that's fine" I said breezily, not daring to look at Tom

"Where do you live Sarah?”

“Oh, on the outskirts of the city, about 10 minutes drive away”

We left the pub and wandered back towards the car park outside the store. Halfway there Tom stopped and indicated a street opposite.

“Right, this is where I leave you. See you two tomorrow at work" he said, nodding at me and Sarah.

He offered his hand to Nathan “It was really nice to meet you”

“Yeah, nice to meet you too” answered Nathan, extending his hand to shake Tom’s outstretched one.

“It’s my birthday tomorrow Tom” I reminded him “I’m finishing early so I may not see you”

“Oh yeah, course you are. How did you manage that, you lucky devil!" he joked, laughing out loud "Well have a nice birthday anyway"

"Thanks Tom. I will"

“We might bump into you tomorrow night though” added Sarah hopefully.

I couldn't help glancing at Tom and he smiled at me knowingly.

The prospect filled me with dread, and I didn’t trust myself to say anything. Instead, I just nodded and tried my best to smile, hoping it looked convincing. We said our goodbyes to Tom and a short time later we reached the car park. With more than politeness in mind, I opened the door and offered Sarah the back seat. She had little choice but to take it and I felt slightly guilty for forcing the issue. I was fiercely protective of my position next to Nathan and there was no way I was giving it up without good reason. The engine suddenly roared into life and Nathan turned on the wipers to clear the thin sheet of ice that had formed on the windscreen. I gave an involuntary shiver as the fan blew cold air around my legs but as we slowly left the city, the air gradually became warmer as the heater kicked in and the windows began to fully clear.

“Which restaurant are you going to tomorrow night Jason?” Sarah suddenly asked, obviously attempting to ensure we would meet”

"I’m not sure really Sarah, Nathan booked it” I murmured reluctantly, glancing across at him.

Before I had a chance to warn him not to say anything, he immediately divulged the information "Oh, it's the new one in town. I can't remember the name now"

I uttered a silent blasphemy and waited for the next question I knew was bound to follow. Within seconds it came, and I longed to shout mind your own business!! at the top of my voice, but instead remained silent.

"If you don't mind me asking, what time do you eat?" Sarah asked, directing the question towards Nathan.

It was probably too late to matter anyway, now that she knew where we were going. This time, however, Nathan caught my warning expression and the slight shake of my head and tried his best to make amends.

“Oh, early evening I think” He answered, sounding a bit vague "I can’t remember exactly now, I’ll have to check"

A smile crept over my face as I realised he was being deliberately vague and despite what he said, I was pretty certain he must know. As if he realised it didn’t sound very convincing, he added another excuse as an afterthought.

“I’m not quite sure what time I’ll get away from work you see, so I didn’t make a firm booking"

She seemed to accept this as a viable explanation even though it was nigh on impossible to make a casual reservation this close to Christmas and I immediately felt bad for attempting to deceive her. Sarah was a really nice girl and didn’t deserve to be treated this way. Had I been straight she would probably have been just what I was looking for, but as it was the situation couldn’t have been worse. On the one hand I was trying my best to avoid going on a date with her, whilst on the other, l was desperately hoping that Nathan wouldn't wonder why.

We were soon on the outskirts of the city and the shops and office blocks were quickly being replaced by residential streets.

“It's straight on at the next roundabout and the second street on the right” Sarah directed, as Nathan kept his eyes on the road ahead.

The street that Sarah lived in was made up of smart 1930’s semi-detached houses. She lived about halfway down on the left-hand side and Nathan stopped between two parked cars opposite the house. Regardless of the fact that it was Nathan’s car, and he was the one that had offered her a lift home, she leant forward between the two front seats and addressed her comments directly to me.

“Thank you for the lift Jason. Hopefully we can….erm….get together tomorrow”

She looked at me pointedly to make sure her meaning hadn’t been misunderstood. It couldn’t have been any clearer if she’d have painted it on a wall in ten-foot-high letters. I was beginning to think that Tom’s advice to tell her the truth made more sense by the minute, but actually going through with it was a much more daunting prospect. Had she been sitting beside me I’m pretty sure she would have reached across and kissed my cheek but as it was, I was able to lean forward slightly and avoid the possibility of it happening. She stood watching as Nathan turned the car around and with a final wave walked up the path and disappeared inside the house. I gave a sigh of relief as we drove back towards the main road and Nathan turned towards me in amusement.

“Hopefully we can get together tomorrow” Nathan mimicked, in a ridiculous imitation of Sarah’s voice.

“Please shag me with your massive cock Jason, you know you want to”

He wasn’t expecting the dig in the ribs I gave him and cried out in exaggerated pain. “Ouch, that hurt”

“You deserved it!”

He couldn’t stop the wide smile from spreading across his face and before long it became infectious. The ghost of a smile appeared on mine, but it didn't stop the worry from building inside.

“Bloody hell Jason, has she got it bad for you” he remarked, as his grin widened.

It was the second time tonight that someone had used that phrase, but this time the circumstances couldn’t have been more ironic. On the one hand I was crazy about Nathan and on the other hand it was startlingly clear that Sarah harboured similar feelings for me. The faint smile quickly disappeared from my face and I looked at him in despair.

“It’s not funny Nathan; she’ll be stalking me next. She’s just a bit.....you know full on, it makes me feel smothered”

“There are worse things you could be smothered by, believe me” he answered, winking at me.

I gave an inward shudder and wondered how awesome it would feel to be smothered by Nathan.

“Well I think you'd make a lovely couple” he was saying. "You should ask her out"

The tone of his voice gave nothing away and I couldn't quite tell if he was being serious or not. This was the scenario in my imagination where Nathan begged me to go out with him instead and declared his undying love for me. I desperately needed to let him know why I didn’t want to be with her, whilst at the same time keeping the fact I was gay a secret.

“Nathan, can I ask you something?"

“Yeah, of course you can? Whatever you like"

I closed my eyes and sighed deeply, before plunging into murky waters. “Do you believe in true love? I mean.....real true love”

He laughed softly and turned towards me with a surprised expression on his face. “Depends what you mean by erm true...”

Taking a deep breath and swallowing hard, I interrupted him before he could finish.

“I mean the kind of love that makes your heart skip a beat every time you see or think about someone! The way they make you feel on top of the world, even when you’re not with them. The feeling that your hearts going to burst through your chest at any moment if....."

Now it was Nathan’s turn to interrupt my passionate outburst and his eyes were wide as he looked at me with a shocked expression on his face. I felt the heat rising in my body and a thin line of perspiration broke out across my forehead. The warmth of the car suddenly made it difficult to breathe and the palms of my hands had become damp with sweat.

“Whoa! Steady on Jase, you’ll burst a blood vessel"

“But that’s how I feel......”

I was almost on the point of telling him that that was the way I felt about him, but at the last moment I bottled it and couldn’t bring myself to say it. Disappointed at my cowardice, I quickly added an extra word to completely change the meaning.

“But that’s how I should feel! .......about Sarah, I mean. Except I don’t. She’s a really nice girl and everything, but there’s just no spark there”

I lapsed into silence and closed my eyes, too confused and anxious to say anymore. He rushed to reassure me, gently rubbing my shoulder

“Hey, come on Jase, it doesn’t matter one little bit. No one can force you to feel that way. Sorry I made fun of you; I didn’t realise you felt so strongly about it”

“It’s ok Naith, let’s just forget about it"

It was definitely time to change the subject and I carefully steered the conversation away from Sarah.

“So what did you think of the others Naith?” I asked him.

Was it just my imagination or had a tinge of jealousy crept into his voice as he tentatively enquired about my relationship with Tom?

“You and Tom seem quite close” he observed quietly

“No, not really. He’s just a bit protective that’s all"

“Why, what for?” he asked, keeping his eyes on the road "What do you need protecting from?"

“I suppose protective's too strong a word, he just looks out for me, that’s all" I replied, making it up as I went along "A while back there were some problems at work. I didn’t get very good sales figures one month and the whole team lost out on a bonus. Tom stuck up for me when a couple of the others started kicking off”

“Why, what did he do?”

“Oh nothing really” I answered, trying to make it sound unimportant “It’s all forgotten now anyway”

Before he could say anymore, the question I really wanted to know the answer to, tumbled hesitantly from my lips “What did you……erm….think of Chris and Liam?”

“Yeah, it was nice to meet them too” he answered simply “It can’t be easy being a gay couple. They must really love each other to go through all the hassle"

He seemed genuinely compassionate and understanding of their situation and it left me with a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was one of those moments when I felt incredibly close to him, both physically and emotionally. The urge to reach out and touch him was almost unbearable and it was becoming increasingly harder to restrain myself. How awesome would it be to caress his leg like Chris had done to Liam?

His words broke through my thoughts and I struggled to concentrate.

“Anyway Jason, I didn’t answer your original question. When you asked if I believed in true love?”

“And do you?”

There was a moment’s silence and I could hear the desperate sadness in his voice. His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly as he turned towards me, and I was shocked to see the glint of tears in his eyes. “Of course I believe in true love Jason. It’s just that sometimes, you love someone who you can’t be with. Even if you desperately want to be”

I stared at him in puzzlement, completely confused by his answer. Unbelievably strong emotion had poured into his voice when he spoke and I felt compelled to question him further.

“I don’t understand Nathan. Who are you not allowed to be with?"

He looked at me directly and for a split second I thought he was about to say something. The atmosphere between us was heavy with anticipation and my heart had begun to beat crazily. The next second he turned away and shook his head.

“Look, I shouldn’t have said anything. Forget it” he said quietly “It doesn’t matter anyway”

The journey back home had flown by and our timely arrival at the bungalow saved any further discussion on the subject.

“Happy Birthday for tomorrow Jase” he said, as we sat in the car with the engine running “Have a great day”

“Yeah, I will. Thanks”

“I made the reservation at the restaurant for 6:45 by the way”

“So you do know what time it’s booked for then!”

“Course I do! Somehow I got the idea you wanted to avoid your work crowd" He winked at me and smiled "Don’t ask me how though”

“I just wanted to enjoy our meal without them around” I said, smiling broadly at his mild sarcasm “They’re not all as nice as Tom and Sarah, you know. Some of them are real idiots”

“The thing is Jase, I don’t finish work now until about 5:30, so can you meet me at the flat?”

“Yeah, course I can. No problem”

Before I could say anything more, he reached into his pocket and handed me a key.

“I got this cut for you. That way you can let yourself into the flat and wait for me there. When I get back, I’ll have a quick shower and change out of my work clothes and then we can get the bus into town”

I was surprised and thrilled that he'd given me a key and a feeling of pleasure combined with excitement surged through my body. "Are you sure Naith? I don't know what to say!"

"Course I'm sure. Just keep it safe"

I couldn't believe it. I had my very own key to Nathan’s flat! He smiled at the expression on my face and I quickly fastened it onto my key ring.

“Right, I’ll see you tomorrow then”

It was that inevitable moment when I’d have loved to reach over and kiss him, but instead I had to make do with an ordinary farewell. “Yeah, ok Naith. See you tomorrow”

The cold air hit me as I opened the door and reluctantly got out. Nathan carefully turned the car around and I stood on the pavement, performing what had become my nightly ritual of waving to him as he passed by, then watching his car until it passed the village green and gradually disappeared.