Thicker Than Water - 11. Chapter 11

Sleeping was fitful at best for everyone. Diego and Steve stayed up discussing options. Steve, who still wanted to move in, questioned whether or not the time was right, given all the upheaval the kids had experienced. Diego, who understood Steve's point, questioned if that was the real reason for his boyfriend's trepidations. Meanwhile, Caleb replayed the funeral over and over again, wondering how it would've gone had he been allowed to talk to his biological father. Would he get the answers he'd always wanted, or would Calvin turn out to be the exact person his dad, Diego, had told them about?

For Bryan, it still came down to the message on Facebook: “Can we talk?” There was a lot that Bryan wanted to say to Calvin. Nearly a decade of bitterness, resentment and anger was always just below the surface when it came to the man who abandoned him and his brother. They say that time heals all wounds, but in some cases, it only causes them to fester, which was true for Bryan when it came to Calvin.

Bryan considered ignoring the message and blocking Calvin, but there was another part that want to reply, either telling the man to fuck off (again), or to vent everything he felt for the loser. There was also the concern about Diego finding out. Bryan knew his dad wouldn't be happy that Calvin contacted him. He wasn't sure if he should tell Diego or not. The right thing to do was to tell, but if he did, Bryan knew he may never get another opportunity to get his questions answered.

“Morning,” Diego said as Bryan came into the kitchen.

“Morning,” Bryan replied, sounding as tired and grumpy as his dad. “Where's Steve and Caleb?”

“They went to Steve's to get a few things and will be bringing breakfast back with them.”

“Cool,” the teen said, as he sat in the living room and turned on the TV.

Diego followed and sat next to his son. He handed Bryan a cup of coffee and said, “I think you need this as much as I do, but don't think it's going to be a regular thing.”

“Thanks, Dad.” What Diego didn't know was that he drank coffee whenever he was at Kenny's house or went to Starbucks when running around on his own.

They sat in silence, letting the caffeine wake their systems up. “Chico,” Diego said, once awake enough to form some thoughts, “I want to talk about you and Kenny.” Bryan didn't feel like having another serious conversation after what happened the day before, but he knew it was it coming eventually. “Please tell me what happened between you two.”

Bryan sighed. He wondered if Caleb going with Steve was an excuse to give them time to talk. “It's hard to explain,” Bryan said.

“We got all the time in the world, so take your time.”

Bryan hated talking about his feelings. He sat quietly sipping his coffee trying to form the words in a way that made sense. Everything progressed so quickly he really didn't take it all in as it was happening. “I kissed Kenny in July when he came out to me. I don't know why I did it. It just happened. We didn't talk about it until the day I got suspended, and I kissed him again.”

“I thought there was something between you two,” Diego said.

“Yeah, well, Kenny wants more...and, and said he's in love with me.”

“Oh,' Diego said, as he came to realize what had happened next.

“He wanted me to say it back, but I couldn't. I wanted to. I still do, but—“

Diego put his arms around his son and held him. Close, intimate attachments were things Bryan had always struggled with. It took a long time for Bryan and Diego to be as close as they were, and it was a lot of hard work on both their parts to keep making it happen. “I'm sorry, Chico.”

“Why am I so broken, Dad?”

“You're not broken, Bryan.”

“How can you say that? I can't tell my best friend that I'm in love with him, too.”

“You're 14, Chico. No 14-year-old really knows what love is. Hell, most adults do know. And I know you're not broken because you are in love with Kenny. The fact that you know it and feel it, means your heart is good. The problem is convincing your brain that it's okay to be scared but not to let that stop you from telling people how you feel.”

“What if he never talks to me again? What if I lose him for good?”

“I've known Kenny for a long time, and he doesn't seem like the type of person who can't be talked to. I know it will be hard, but you have to tell him how you feel.”

“Can you tell him that for me?”

Diego kissed Bryan on the head and said, “No, Chico. I can be nearby if you want, but those are words he needs to hear from you or they won't mean anything.”

“Why are you such a great dad?” Bryan asked curling up closer to his dad.

“That's what happens when some dirt bag drops off his kids and never comes back. Lucky for you, not long after I got rid of those brats, Calvin ditched you and Caleb here.”

“Jerk,” Bryan giggled.

“Practice makes perfect.” Diego hugged Bryan again and said, more seriously, “Thank you for talking to me, Chico. I know it wasn't easy for you, and I really do appreciate it.”

“Thanks for always being there, Dad.”

“We're back!” Steve called out as the back door opened.

“Steve,” Bryan called out, “are you a musician?”

Confused, Steve replied, “I can play some guitar, why?”

“You're timing is impeccable.”

Bryan and Diego got up and went to the kitchen.

Steve pulled Diego to the side, and in a low voice, asked, “Did I do something wrong?”

Diego laughed and said, “If you're going to live here, you're going to need thicker skin.” He kissed his boyfriend and joined his boys at the table.

Sundays were usually a lazy day around the Padilla house. It was part of the routine that everyone had their chores done before bedtime on Saturday, so they could just hang out together all the next day. Right around lunch time, Diego's younger brother, Luis, came by. Like Diego, Luis had a good sense of humor and cared about his nephews very much. Unlike his brother, however, Luis's temper wasn't as controlled. The brothers were in the kitchen making lunch, when Diego told Luis that Calvin was seen at the funeral, Luis flew off the handle.

“That motherfucker had the ball to show up after all these years!” Luis nearly shouted.

“Would you calm down?” Diego implored. “Yesterday was bad enough for the boys. They don't need you adding to it.”

“Did you hit the bastard?”

“No, Luis, I didn't hit him. Unlike you, I'm trying to teach my kids that they don't need to use violence to settle their issues.”

“Who cares about settling, Diego?! That prick needs his jaw jacked.”

“Talking about Calvin?” Bryan said as he walked into the kitchen.

“Yes, Chico, we were,” Diego sighed. He always tried his best to not bad mouth Calvin or Donna in front of the boys, but that practice grew harder and harder as time passed. “Sorry you had to hear it.”

“It's okay. I agree with Uncle Luis, though.”

“Thank you, Sobrino,” Luis said. “At least someone in this house sees logic.”

“Bryan's been in enough fights this year, so please stop encouraging.”

Luis looked at Bryan and asked, “When were you in a fight?”

“First day of school,” Diego said, unpleased by his brother's excitement.

“Really? First Day?”

“See, I told you it was turning into a running gag,” Bryan said, helping his father with lunch.

“Did you win?”

“Luis Armando Jesus Padilla!” Diego snapped.

“Okay, okay, I'll let it go,” Luis said to his brother. Once Diego turned his back, Luis caught his nephew's attention and looked for silent confirmation for his question, which Bryan gave in a thumbs up. Luis, returned the gesture with a proud smile.

Lunch was tacos with beans, rice and a salad. Luis and Steve talked sports, while watching baseball. Like Steve, Luis had played in high school and college. Steve had been on any team that would take him given his height; however, a knee injury took him out of most sports, so he spent the rest of time getting his degree in computer science. Luis, on the other hand, played some minor league after college but was cut after his second year. We went back to school and got his degrees in criminal justice and social work.

Caleb sat next to Luis and tried following along with the game and conversation. Diego was on his phone texting his business partner about what had happened, hoping to free up some time to find and talk to a lawyer. His business partner had twin boys a year older than Bryan who were a handful and often took much of the couple's time.

Bryan got on his new phone and sent Kenny a message:

“I'm sorry I'm just now messaging back. I'm not mad at you at all, and I miss you so much. A lot happened yesterday, we left Hamilton right after the funeral and didn't get home till the middle of the night. Please, can we talk!”

Bryan felt it was a lame text, but it said almost everything he wanted to say...everything except “I love you.” He wanted desperately to say it. Bryan even typed it out a few times, but always deleted it. He focused on the message, trying to will himself to type the three little words that would set his friendship back to normal. As he was about to type those words, a message notification popped up; it was Calvin, again.

Seriously! Bryan thought bitterly. The notification didn't say what the message was, leaving Bryan to either send his message to Kenny as it was or to ignore Calvin. Just as Bryan decided to do the latter, Calvin sent another notification. Fucking prick! Bryan yelled in his head. He was so mad, he accidentally hit Send on his phone, without having told Kenny that he loved him.

To avoid being questioned about his current attitude, Bryan went to his room, seething.

“What the fuck do you want?” Bryan sent Calvin.

There was a pause of a good minute, before Messenger indicated that Calvin was typing. After a few seconds, Calvin replied, “I just want to talk.”

Furious, Bryan replied, “We have nothing to talk about, Calvin.” He hoped that saying his sperm donor's first name would emphasize his point.

“Yes we do.” Either the man was stupid or he was ignoring the slight, Bryan thought.

“No, we don't. You've had about nine years to say something. You've had all this time to come back into our lives, but you didn't. Because Donna's dead doesn't mean I want to see or hear from you. In fact, I wish you were dead, too.”

Another long pause as Bryan waited with bated breath. Calvin couldn't be that stupid to have missed Bryan's point that time.

“You can't talk to me like that. I'm your father.”

Bryan scoffed and laughed mirthlessly. “You are not my father. You haven't been my father since you left. You will never be my father again. Diego Padilla is my dad. I am not your son. I'm Diego's son. Caleb is not your son. Diego is the only dad he has ever known. My brother and I may have your DNA, but we're Padillas. And you can go fuck yourself!”