-- Chapter 3 --

Matt’s phone, sitting on the picnic table in front of him, pinged once more. He had lost count of how many times he had heard it in the last hour, since he had come outside to sit in the hospital rose garden, alone in the darkness, to just breathe. And to think.

He knew that it would be either Luke or his parents, but would check it shortly, now that his heartbeat had calmed and his breathing was close to being back to normal. For a while there he didn’t know what was happening.

So . . . he had a son, huh?

Fuck!

The phone pinged once more, so this time he picked it up. It was Luke. Just like it had been for seven of the previous ten pings. The other three had been two from his mother, letting him know that his old flat attached to the garage was clean and available – with clean sheets on the bed – if that was where he wanted to stay, and one from Guy, back home in T’ville, asking if everything was okay?

Switching to call mode, Matt pressed the button to call Luke, though he still wasn’t sure what he was even going to say. The phone rang once, then Luke answered.

‘What’s happening? Are you okay?’ Luke asked, his voice dripping with concern.

‘Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry I missed your messages. Just stuff . . . happening.’

‘Do you need me? Maybe I should leave now and come up there,’ Luke suggested.

‘It’ll be too late when you get here. Why not leave it until morning? I can fill you in on what’s happening then.’

‘How’s your dad?’

‘Not as bad as I thought it might be . . .’

‘Why do I sense there’s a but coming? Are you really okay? Or are you just putting on a front?’

‘Oh, you know me . . .’

‘Yeah, I do. That’s why I asked.’

Matt let out a sigh, which echoed all the way down to the coast.

‘Matt?’

‘Just . . . come when you can, babe. Please. I do really need you. I’ll be at home, in our old flat, when you get here.’

‘I’m on my way,’ Luke replied, before disconnecting.

It was nearing nine o’clock when Matt slipped his phone into his pocket and headed towards his car. He didn’t bother going back inside the hospital at this hour, instead choosing to head towards the home in which he had grown up, where his parents would be waiting to hear if there was any more news about Julie or the boy. His head was a mess, with confusing thoughts violently swirling around inside it: a mix of anger, loss, heartache and more.

Why couldn’t Julie have let him know earlier? Why the hell would she let the boy grow up without a father? Or had there been other guys in her past?

As he crossed the bridge in the middle of town, he noticed the fast-food joint up ahead, just as his stomach also seemed to growl, as if it had sensed the burgers cooking. Matt turned into the driveway and headed for the drive-through window, where a spotty-faced kid about the same age as his son, took his order.

Fuck! He had a son!

A few minutes later, he was back on the road and heading for his childhood home, holding the steering wheel with one hand and a large chocolate shake with the other, before then placing the shake in a cup-holder and diving into the paper bag for some fries. Not long after that, he was pulling into the familiar driveway and heading straight down to his old digs, the flat attached to the garage, in which he and Luke had started out their life together.

After parking the car, he let himself inside. The lights were already on and as he looked around him all the old memories came flooding back. That first night . . . the night of their school formal, when they finally figured things out. The countless nights since; loving each other, crying in each other’s arms, the worry, the scandal, but most of all, the togetherness. This place was the start of it all, and it would always be their first home.

As he sat down at the small table, he ripped open the McDonald’s bag and picked up some fries then bit down on them, before opening the burger packaging. Just then there was a knock on the door, before he glanced up, mid-bite, to see it open.

‘Hey,’ his father said as he came through the door. ‘You made it home okay.’

All he could do, as he chewed, was nod.

‘Have you spoken with Luke?’ his father asked, as he sat down opposite Matt.

‘Yeah. He’s on his way. I told him to leave it till morning . . . but you know him!’ Matt answered.

His father nodded. ‘Do you want to talk?’

‘I think . . . I think I just need to get my head around things, or let it sink in first. Maybe in the morning?’

‘Sure.’

‘You could have at least warned me,’ he said, glaring at his father across the table, before his stomach growled and he took another bite.

‘Yeah, I could have . . . but then your head would have been all over the place as you drove up here . . . and that road is tricky at the best of times. You probably have every right to be pissed . . . with everyone . . . but it’s not going to do you any good. He seems like he’s a good kid, Matt, I’ve had some chats with him.’

‘But he didn’t know you were his grandfather at that point!’

‘True that.’

Matt took another bite, then slurped down some shake.

‘You still haven’t answered me though. Do you want to talk about this?’

‘Not tonight, thanks. I’ll just need to sleep on things for now . . . if I can even get to sleep! Just let me fill Luke in when he gets here . . . it’ll be just as big a shock for him, I reckon. Then we can talk in the morning.’

‘Alright, son,’ his father replied, while getting to his feet.

Matt watched as his old man walked back across the floor to the door, then stop and turn around to face him.

‘It’s not going to be long, the doctors said. That’s when Levi will need you . . . and us. We’ll be all that he has left in the world.’

‘Yeah, that’s what Julie told me. The only question will be whether he even wants us to be there for him.’

*   *   *

After he finished eating, Matt didn’t waste any time in heading to bed, switching out the lights shortly after his father left him and then stripping down, letting his clothes lay where they fell, before crawling between the sheets. He tossed and turned for a short while, but was asleep before too long, and it didn’t seem like it was very long after that he was dreaming of a naked stud wrapping his arms around him from behind and kissing the base of his neck, then his shoulders, while the guy’s hands roamed over his own naked body.

‘Hmmmm . . . don’t stop . . .’ he heard himself moan.

‘Are you sure?’ the stud asked.

That’s funny . . . this guy sounds just like . . . he thought, before Matt’s eyes snapped open.

‘You came,’ Matt whispered.

‘Not yet,’ Luke whispered.

‘Wisearse!’ Matt replied, as he rolled over to face his partner. ‘But thank you!’

‘You know I’m always here for you. So, are you going to tell me what’s going on?’

‘Can we just talk about it all in the morning? It’s been a hell of a day! It’s going to be okay, I promise . . . just some stuff we both need to process.’

‘You’re dodging the issue.’

‘Maybe. But I promise I’ll explain it all in the morning.’

When morning did come, Luke woke to sunlight streaming through the high windows that were along one wall of the converted garage. He found that he was alone in bed, but heard quiet voices coming from the kitchen. Slipping out from under the sheets, he pulled on some boxer shorts before peeping around the doorway to see who was there.

Matt and his father were talking quietly, and both looked up at the same time to see Luke standing in the doorway.

‘Good morning, Luke,’ Matt’s father said. ‘Thanks for coming.’

‘Good morning. I thought you were dying or something?’ Luke replied, his tone reflecting exactly how he was feeling.

‘Luke!’ Matt said.

‘I’m sorry, Matt . . . but I race up here to be with you, thinking the worst for the whole trip and worrying about how the love of my life is managing whatever crisis there is, only to find that it’s obviously not what I thought it was. Dad is obviously not on his deathbed, so does someone want to tell me just what the fuck is going on?’

‘There’s no need to be like that . . .’ Matt started to say, only to be cut off by Luke.

‘Like what? Pissed off? I laid awake beside you all night, worrying about whatever it was that you seemed to be so cool about . . . I’ve had no sleep and I feel like shit because you’re keeping something from me . . .’

It was a rare occurrence when Luke ever got hot under the collar, and it took both Matt and his father by surprise.

‘So, you haven’t told him yet?’ Matt’s father asked.

Matt could only shake his head and say, ‘No.’

‘Well, you guys obviously need to talk. I’m sorry it has happened like this, Luke. Thanks for coming up . . . I guess I’ll leave you guys to it. Just come up to the house for some breakfast when you are ready, okay?’

The two guys both nodded, then Matt’s father left them.

Luke remained at the doorway, his arms folded across his chest while leaning against the doorframe. He was staring down at Matt, who was still seated and looking sullen.

‘I’m sorry I went off like that, babe. I promise I’ll apologise to your father when we get up to the house. I’m sure that whatever it is, we’ll be able to work through it . . . but you’ll have to let me in first . . .’

‘I know. It’s just been a lot for me to take in. It wasn’t anything I could say over the phone, and I didn’t want to tell you last night because we’d have been up all fucking night.’

‘So, are you going to share this news now?’ Luke asked, as he crossed the floor and sat in the chair Matt’s father had just vacated.

‘Can you remember when we last saw Julie?’ Matt asked.

‘What? Is this actually about your ex-girlfriend? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!’

‘Luke! Just hear me out! Please!’

‘Okay. I’m sorry.’

Matt managed a nod, as he looked across the table and studied his partner slumped back in the chair, arms crossed in front of him, and a frown etched on his face.

‘Julie’s in the hospital, Luke. And she won’t be coming out. She’s dying. Ovarian cancer.’

‘Oh, shit. That’s no good. I’m sorry to hear that, but how does it affect you?’

‘There’s a . . . complication . . .’

‘Meaning?’

‘Like I said, do you remember when we last saw her?’

For a moment Luke thought about the question, before finally coming up with the answer that Matt had done the day before.

‘It was that day in the mall, wasn’t it? And DJ or one of the guys made some half-arsed comment about her getting fat or something . . .’

‘Yeah, that was it.’

‘So? What does that have to do with you?’

‘She was pregnant, Luke,’ Matt replied, while struggling to hold back his tears.

He let that settle for a few moments, as he watched the shock land in Luke’s expression. The silence stretched out . . . from a few seconds, to a full minute, before Luke finally opened his mouth.

‘So . . . she has a kid?’

‘Yeah.’

‘And you’re the father?’

‘We have a kid. We have a son. Fifteen years old and I’m sure he already hates me . . .’

‘She . . . you . . . what? How?’

‘How do you think?’

‘No, I mean . . . oh, fuck . . . she was already pregnant before you split up? Before we . . .’

‘Yeah.’

‘And she never told you? Then, or at any time since?’

‘No, babe. Last night was the first I knew of it. Dad saw her in the hospital this week when he was in for some tests, and found out what’s been going on, and that’s why mum called me.’

‘So, you’ve met him then?’

‘Yeah. His name is Levi. Apparently, Julie got sent away to stay with family after we finished school, and went all religious when she did. Levi doesn’t even know he’s got a poof for a father yet.’

‘Don’t talk like that,’ Luke scolded, as he got up and moved around the table, dropping down onto his knees beside Matt and hugging him.

‘Why not?’ Matt sniffed. ‘It’s true, and if he’s been brought up in a religious home then there’ll be every chance that he’ll have been brainwashed to be homophobic . . . just like most religious nutters are!’

‘You don’t know that,’ Luke offered. ‘I think perhaps we’ll need to get to know him before we can go making those sorts of assumptions.’

‘We?’ Matt asked.

‘What? You don’t think I’m going to drop you just because of this, do you? We’re a team, Matt. Through thick and thin, and all that. It’ll be a challenge, but we’ll work through it. Now, how about we grab a shower before heading up to the house?’

*   *   *

Breakfast had long since finished and the four of them – Matt and Luke, along with Matt’s parents – sat around the kitchen table nursing their cups of coffee.

Nobody seemed to have noticed that their drinks had gone cold. Silence that felt too heavy for the room seemed to fill it. Outside, the early morning light drizzle fell softly across the backyard, landing upon the rusted Hills Hoist and the corrugated fence beyond it. Everything about the house felt smaller than Matt remembered. Smaller, quieter, older.

His mother sat with both hands wrapped around a mug she had forgotten to drink from. His father leaned back in his chair, arms folded tightly, staring towards the window. Luke sat beside Matt, close enough that their knees touched beneath the table. Luke let one hand rest on Matt’s thigh.

Matt rubbed both hands over his face.

‘I’m still having trouble getting my head around it,’ Matt muttered quietly. ‘Fifteen years . . . and not a word was ever said . . .’

Nobody answered immediately because there really wasn’t an answer.

Finally, his mother spoke.

‘She was scared, love.’

Matt gave a hollow laugh.

‘So scared she couldn’t even tell me I had a son?’

The bitterness in his voice surprised even him. He instantly regretted it.

‘Sorry . . . that shouldn’t have come out that way.’

His mother’s expression softened. ‘I’m not saying she was right.’

Luke glanced toward Matt carefully. ‘But she must’ve had her reasons.’

Matt looked down at the table. The grain of the timber blurred slightly as emotion threatened to catch him off guard again.

A son.

He’d known for less than twenty-four hours and every time he thought the words, they still sounded unreal.

He remembered Levi sitting beside Julie’s hospital bed earlier that morning. Slim. Quiet. Pale with exhaustion. Fifteen years old and trying desperately to act tougher than he felt.

And those eyes.

Matt’s eyes.

‘I don’t even know him,’ he whispered.

Luke reached over and rested a hand against his arm.

‘But you soon will.’

Matt nodded faintly but didn’t look convinced.

His father finally shifted in his chair. ‘The important thing right now is the boy.’

Typical Dad. Straight to the practicalities.

‘What happens after Julie passes,’ his father continued. ‘That’s what we need to think about before we walk back into that hospital room making promises we can’t keep.’

After Julie passes. Matt hated hearing it said aloud. Not if. When.

The room fell quiet again.

His mother swallowed hard before speaking. ‘Levi’s going to lose everything at once. His mum . . . his home . . . his whole life.’

‘And then suddenly there’s me,’ Matt said quietly. ‘Some stranger who turned up too late.’

‘You’re not just some stranger,’ Luke said firmly.

‘Aren’t I?’

Luke held his gaze. ‘No. You’re his father.’

Matt looked away again because hearing it spoken aloud still hit him like a punch to the chest.

His mother finally reached across the table and touched his hand.

‘You don’t have to become everything overnight.’

That settled a small part of something inside him. Because that was exactly what terrified him. Not just Levi. It was everything else: responsibility, parenthood, grief, expectations.

‘What if he actually does hate me?’ Matt asked softly.

‘He probably already does, a little,’ his father answered bluntly.

Matt’s mother shot him a look. ‘Love!’

‘No, he should hear it.’ His father leaned forward now, voice gentler than before. ‘The kid’s going to be angry, confused, frightened. And now, suddenly, his mother’s dying wish is that he moves in with people he barely knows.’

Luke nodded slowly. ‘That’d scare anyone.’

Matt exhaled shakily. ‘So, what do we do?’

Nobody answered immediately.

Then Luke spoke.

‘Maybe we should just let him decide some things.’

The others looked at him.

Luke shrugged slightly, suddenly self-conscious. ‘I just mean . . . everyone’s talking about what’s going to happen to him. His mother is telling him what she wants, but maybe Levi needs to feel like he has some control over some of this.’

Matt considered that.

Luke continued carefully. ‘Maybe we don’t walk in there acting like all the decisions are already made. Maybe we just tell him . . . we want him. That there’s a place for him with us if he wants it.’

His mother nodded almost instantly.

‘Yes.’

Even Matt’s father looked thoughtful.

Luke glanced toward Matt. ‘He’s fifteen, not five. He’ll have opinions about where he wants to live. About school. About staying in town or leaving. Maybe we should listen to him?’

Matt gave that some thought. It sounded right.

His mother dabbed quickly at her eyes. ‘Julie must’ve been carrying this for so long.’

Matt stared at the table again.

‘And what if he decides he doesn’t want me to be his father? What if he doesn’t want to leave here?’ he offered.

He suddenly remembered Julie at seventeen. Standing beside the river after school in that faded denim jacket she loved. Laughing at something stupid he’d said. Young enough to think life would wait for them forever.

And now she was lying in a hospital bed asking him to take care of their son.

Life really was cruel sometimes.

‘What about Thompsonville?’ Matt asked quietly. ‘If Levi does come back with us . . . that’s a massive change.’

‘We make room,’ Luke said simply.

Matt looked at him.

Luke gave a small shrug. ‘We’ll work it out.’

There was no hesitation in his voice. No fear. Just calm certainty.

‘And if he doesn’t want that?’ Matt asked.

His father cleared his throat. ‘One step at a time, son. I’ve had some discussions with the boy, and he knows that change is certainly coming for him.’

Matt nodded slowly.

‘He could even come here, as a first step, if that helps him to adjust.’ Matt’s father suggested.

One step at a time. That might just work. And somehow that steadied Matt more than anything else had all morning.

A first step. Then would come Julie. Then Levi would need them. Then whatever else would come after that.

His mother stood carefully from the table. ‘We should probably head to the hospital soon.’

Nobody moved immediately.

The house felt suspended in time somehow, like all four of them knew that once they walked back into that hospital room, everything would begin changing . . . for good.

Luke stood next, squeezing Matt’s shoulder gently as he did.

‘You okay?’

Matt looked towards the rain outside the kitchen window.

‘No,’ he admitted honestly, but then after a moment he added, ‘But I think maybe I will be.’

To be continued . . .