Changes, Again - 5. Flux

The traffic was heavy as we drove to the Institute, so we arrived a little past our expected time. Don had texted Robert to confirm we may be a bit late, but that we were close.

“I hate Saturdays!”

Don glanced over at me. “Babe, would now be a bad time to reinforce what I suggested last night?”

I laughed. “Probably, but will that stop you, Donny?”

Grinning broadly, he replied, “Probably not!”

“Well, then, go on.”

“I just mean if Max comes and you still work full time, we will be doing a lot of driving on weekends to get chores done. But if you are home, maybe stuff can be done during the week. That would leave more time for family stuff.”

Ahead was a red light, I rolled to a stop slowly. “You know, a lot of what you say makes sense to me.”

“It does? I mean, yes of course it does.” He was chuckling. “Which part?”

“All of it: reducing hours or quitting work, putting in an office and doing contract work, fostering. As well, what you said about me being home will give you more time to write.”

The light turned green and I moved the van forward.

“Yeah, about that.”

I pulled my eyes from the road for a second to throw Don a look of terror.

“Lous, don’t worry, everything is fine. It’s just, I’ve been thinking ….”

Glancing in the mirror and putting on the left turn signal I moved the van to the left lane. “Mmmm.”

“Well, more than thinking. I’ve been working on an outline for a book.”

“Really?” This was coming from left field. “Fiction?”

“I guess, maybe semi-autobiographical is more like it.”

“Wow … well. I’m surprised, but yeah, why not, babe? I mean you’re a wonderful writer. So, like about your experiences?”

“Ours. Our marriage, the accident, the marathon. You think people would want to read about that?”

“Have you talked to Harry about it?” I slowed the van and stopped while I watched the oncoming traffic.

“Yeah, he’s the one that said I should consider it.”

I was starting to feel a little irritated. “Well it sounds like you’ve been planning this for a while. Is that where all this stuff about me staying home is coming from?”

“Louis, cut it out now.” Don fired a warning shot. “No, you staying home has to do with Max and our lives. Not a book. I’ve been thinking about the book, and yeah, Harry and I talked recently. And when I got it all straight in my own head, and that took some doing, I am here now, telling you, my husband about it!”

The road was finally clear. I turned onto the driveway into the Institute. It was silent as I parked. I turned off the engine and just sat for a second collecting my thoughts, then I turned to Donny.

“I’m sorry. Don, there is so much going on. So much potential change, and you know what I’m like.”

“Yeah, babe, I know.” He reached for my hand. “Listen, the book is a spare time thing right now. I’m still working. I just wanted to tell you about it, that’s all. Maybe bad timing, but I’m a bit excited about it.”

I got off the seat and bent to kiss him. “I’m sure you are. It is exciting.”

“Will you read it for me?”

“Yeah baby, of course.” I looked at my watch. “Look, we better go, but … it is a wonderful idea, Don.”

“I’m glad you think so.” He kissed me again. “Let’s go see what Max wants us for!”

 

We asked about Max at the nurse’s desk on his floor. I noted that the counter tops were still orange, as they were when Donny was here.

“You are?” the nurse asked.

“Don McPhee and Louis Taylor. Max Resnick asked us to come to see him today.”

“Thanks. Yes, he’s in one of the private family rooms. Let me show you where that is.”

Don and I glanced at each other and then followed the nurse down the hall through the double doors. After passing the lounge where we’d met the week before, we stopped in front of a blue door.

“Here we are.” The nurse knocked and opened the door. “Your guests are here, Max.”

“Thanks!”

I peered and stepped into the room, followed by Don, who said to the nurse, “Thanks very much.”

She said have a good afternoon and closed the door.

Don rolled in and stopped next to a chair, which I sat in. I smiled at Max, while Don said, “Hey, Max. How are you?”

“I’m doing well, Mr. McPhee, thanks.”

Don glanced at me.

So, I said, “We were happy to hear from you. I hope this doesn’t sound weird because we are glad to be here, but why are we? Is everything okay?”

“Yes, Mr. Taylor, everything is okay. I ….”

“First, please call us Don and Louis. We’d like this to be casual, Max, or should we call you, Mr. Resnick?”

Max looked at me for a moment before he started to laugh. “Yeah, okay. I see what you mean!” The boy rubbed the arms of his chair. “Thanks for coming. I thought I was a bit rude last time and I’m sorry about that. I really appreciate what you want to do for me. It’s so hard … you know without—”

Silent tears fell from the young man’s eyes. I got to my feet and grabbed a box of tissues that sat on the small round table under the window. I handed them to Max.

“Th … thanks, Louis.” He wiped his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re welcome.” I sat in a wooden seat next to him. “Don’t be sorry ever for that, Max.”

“No, don’t be. Never bottle up your feelings. None of this is easy, Max. We know that,” said Don.

“Thanks.” Max sniffed and wiped his nose. “I know you’ll come next weekend, and we’ll have lunch. But … but I’m so lonely. That’s why I asked you to come ….”

My heart was breaking; I looked over to Don.

“We’re glad you called. We’ll come more often, whatever feels okay to you.” Don rolled closer to the boy.

“I don’t want to be any trouble.”

I shook my head, while Donny spoke again. “You are not any trouble. Look let’s be honest okay? We are strangers, really, but we want to get to know you. We want to help as much as we can.”

Max hugged himself. “Thanks.”

“We will never be your folks. Lous and I are so sorry about all of this, Max. If we can offer you a safe, comfy place to live for now, or maybe always, we’d like to do that.”

Max looked up from his lap. “Always?”

“Yeah, always, like Don said.”

Max glanced at each of us. “Robert said maybe I could live with my aunt Marylin. I’ve never even met her and she lives in the States. I don’t want to go there ….”

“It’s September now, when do you turn sixteen?” Don pulled out his phone as he asked.

“Not until April next year, the twenty-sixth.”

“So, about seven months.”

Don was entering something onto his phone. I was confused. “Why does that matter, Donny?”

“It matters because no one can force him to do anything at that age.”

We all turned to see Robert standing in the doorway. “I just dropped in to see how things were going.”

Max gave a small wave. “Hi, Robert. Is that true about when I’m sixteen?”

“Yes, we really can’t force you to live where you don’t want to. Hopefully, you’ll be in a stable home and just want to stay there until school is over.”

“What about Aunt Marylin?”

Robert sat down in my original seat. “We haven’t been making much progress there. Do you want to meet her?”

“I don’t know. I mean Dad never wanted them to visit us. He said she wasn’t a good person, and neither was her dead-beat husband.”

It was getting onto lunch time and I thought maybe food would be a better topic. “Robert, can I see you outside for a second?”

Don looked at me with a raised eyebrow, so I said, “You two talk about sports or something. Be right back.”

Robert followed me out the bright-blue door.

“What is it, Louis?”

“Would Max be stable enough for us to put him in the van? I just thought maybe a trip to a local pizza place or burger joint might be fun. There’s a good one close by, and Don gets in there easily.”

“I’m not sure. Let me find his doctor. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

I sat outside and waited until Robert returned.

I got to my feet. “So?”

Robert was smiling. “So, go for lunch.”

“Oh, great. Let’s go tell them.”

Robert opened the door and I followed him in. He looked at me, as did Max and Don.

“Right, okay. Well, Robert here got permission for Max to leave the hospital. I’m hungry, so I thought we could go and get pizza from Gino’s.”

Max’s ears perked right up. “Really? I can go?”

Robert replied to that question. “Yes, just take it easy. You have to let Louis push you, okay?”

“Yes, okay. I’ll do that.” Max looked at Don. “I am dying for some pizza!”

Don grinned. “Gino’s is a nice place and wheelchair friendly. I’m starving, so let’s go!”

I got behind Max. “You gonna join us, Robert?”

“No, but thanks. You three go and enjoy a nice pizza. Here is Max’s permission. You likely won’t need it, but just in case.”

He handed me an envelope. “When do we have to have him back?”

“Two-thirty.”

“Okay, that’s great. Maybe we can take a little drive too.”

“Sounds good.” Robert smiled as we walked away to the elevators.

~~~

Parking at Gino’s was a little tricky, but I managed it and got everyone out of the van with no problems. Okay, a few problems, but it would be easier on the return trip.

We ordered a large deluxe pizza and Cesar salad. I’d have loved a glass of wine, however, an ice-cold Brio with a lemon wedge would suffice.

Max was animated and smiling. He sipped his root beer and talked to Don about wheelchair sports. I was happy to let them chat together; it was nice to see them both enjoying the talk. I was daydreaming and staring out the large windows when I heard my name.

“How did that feel, Louis?”

“Sorry, what? In another world.” I grinned at them.

Max smiled. “Don said that you started running to help him through a marathon. I wondered how you felt about it.”

“Oh … yes. Well, at first, I wasn’t thrilled. I mean, I’d never run anywhere ….”

Don grinned. “Yeah, he always said: I can’t even run down the street! But he’s a very good runner now.”

“I’m a retired marathon runner now. The two we did were enough.”

Max was watching us both talk to each other. His dark eyes moving between us as we spoke. “I used to do track and field at school. I loved cross country.”

Don reached over and put his hand on Max’s forearm. “You know, there is still a lot you can do. That wheelchair is just a basic one. I’ve been looking at the Mountain Trike. That thing can go anywhere. It’s self-propelled but by a hand lever, not by using the wheels, so trails are no problem, and no muddy hands. And let me tell you, it’s worth trying riding horses, because it’s magic up there.”

“Really? I’d like to do both!”

I smiled at them. “Well, we can do what we like. But our waiter is coming with lunch, so let’s start with that!”

The fresh, hot pizza smelled delicious. We dug in and conversation stopped for the most part while we ate.

“Man, that was the best pizza ever.” Max sat back and rubbed his stomach. “My parents ordered it in but coming out for it is the best!”

Don was nodding. “It’s good here, and yeah, nothing like it when it’s fresh and hot.” He looked over at me. “Louis, how is the time? Do we have enough?”

I looked at my watch; Donny rarely wore one now. “We will have about an hour if we leave soon, we can probably extend that a little.”

“How about it, Max? Would you like to have a look at our place? See where you’ll be coming to visit for a weekend, if you want to?”

Max grinned at Don. “Can we? I’d like that. It’s so nice being out of the hospital.”

I glanced at Don. “Can you pay while I open the van and get Max in?”

“Yes, babe. I’ll handle it.”

I bent to kiss Don, who tasted like garlic and pizza.

“Okay, off you two go, I’ll be right out.”

Max was staring at us.

Don rolled up to the counter, and I started to move behind Max. “You okay, Max?”

“Um, yes.”

“You know Don and I are married, right?”

“Yes … sorry. I’ve just never seen ….”

“Two men kiss?” I pushed him toward the automatic door.

“No, I haven’t before today. Well, on TV I have, but not right in front of me.”

“You okay with that?” We moved toward the van.

“Yes, Louis, I am. I mean maybe one of two of my friends are gay. I just never knew.”

We went through the door and started toward the van. “You probably do have gay friends, or you most definitely will at some point.”

I unlocked the van and pulled out the ramp. I helped push Max up and into his space. I locked him in place. I’d just stood up when Don appeared at the end of the ramp. I walked down to help him in. Once Don was settled, I closed the side door, and walked around to the driver’s side and climbed in.

I glanced at Don, and then looked in the rear-view mirror. “You two all set?”

“Yes, Louis.”

“All ready, babe.”

“Excellent. Let’s go.” I pulled out of Gino’s parking lot.

Traffic wasn’t the best, so I asked Don to call Robert and let them we’d be late getting back.

“He said there shouldn’t be a problem with that, Lous.”

“Good.”

Traffic thinned, mercifully, so it didn’t take too long to get back to the house.

“Wow, this is a long driveway!” Max said.

Donny grinned. “You know, if you come here to live you’ll have to help shovel that thing. Before school!”

“What?”

I couldn’t help but laugh, Don joined me.

“You guys are joking, right?”

Don turned to look at our passenger. “That a deal breaker?”

Max just smiled. “No … I guess not.”

“Come on, put him out of his misery, Don.” I parked the van and shut off the engine.

“Okay. Don’t worry, we use a service, or, if it’s so bad they can’t get here, we have a plow attachment for the mower.”

“Wow, you have riding mower?” Max then gazed out the window. “Oh yeah, I guess you’d need one.”

“Come on, you two … out. Let’s get this tour on the road.”

Once everyone was on the ground, I pushed Max out to our barn, while Don called the horses.

“We have room for four horses in here, but we have only the two right now.”

“It’s nice in here.” Max looked at an unused box stall. “I’d be comfy in here.”

“I know, right?” We left the barn and I took Max to meet the horses.

 

“This is Badger.” Don rubbed the big horse’s muzzle. “For obvious reasons.”

I pushed Max a little closer. “He likes his face rubbing. They’ll get bored with us soon because we don’t have treats.”

Max reached out to touch the soft nose. “Wow, you really ride him, Don? He’s so big.”

Clyde, who was now jealous, shoved up against Badger. Don rubbed Clyde’s lowered forehead and ears. “Yeah, we have a special ramp, and because I can stand, I can get myself onto Badger. Louis just holds him and makes sure I’m settled okay. Then I can hold myself on well enough.”

“I wonder if I could ride?”

Don smiled at the boy. “You can; there are ways, if that’s what you want to do.”

As suspected, the horses had grown bored and wandered away to graze.

I checked my watch. “Guys, we’d better get on with the tour. We need to get Max back sometime today.”

We took Max through the back door, into the kitchen, and then we showed him the living room and dining room.

“Where are the bedrooms?” Max was asking.

“Upstairs.” Don began to move down the hall.

“But how do you … oh, man, is that an elevator?”

I laughed. “It is. Let’s hop in.”

Upstairs, we gave Max a quick look around and then showed him what would be his room, if he wanted it.

He rolled into the now mostly empty room. He was silent as he went into the bathroom and glanced out the window.

Don’s phone rang, so he excused himself and went to talk in the hall. I joined Max by the window.

I put my hands on his slim shoulders. “What do you think?”

He was nearly whispering when he replied, “It’s great … it really is. I’m grateful and everything … but ….”

Then his shoulders shook, and his sobbing broke my heart. I said nothing, just knelt in front of him, and he collapsed against me and cried. This was not the time to say anything or to hush him. I could hear Don in the storage cupboard in the hall. I didn’t look up, but I knew he’d come back into the room. He waited silently.

Finally, Max quieted, and after a big hug, he sat back up. Don offered him tissues and a damp face cloth.

Neither of us said anything. We just let him blow his nose, and wipe his face. I left Max and sat on the floor next to Don, who reached down to rub my neck. It was several minutes before Max turned around.

“I … I’m sorry.”

“You never have to be sorry about feeling things, Max,” I said.

“You two take me out, bring me here … and I cry. It’s just hard sometimes. I mean, I miss them so much.” He bit his bottom lip and twisted the face cloth. “This room, isn’t my room. I’ll never see that room, again will I?”

“Probably … well, maybe not, but we don’t know what is happening with all of that,” Don answered. “Once we do, we can help you bring anything you want from there here.”

Max nodded, drew in a deep breath and sighed. “Would you take me back now?”

That jolted me. Had we done the wrong thing bringing Max here? I was horrified that we’d hurt him.

Don was answering and urging me to get up. “Sure, if that’s what you want. Come on, Louis.”

I clambered to my feet. “Right, okay. Of course, we’ll take you back if you’re ready to go.”

My heart was heavy as I pushed the silent boy back out to the van. Don came with us, and the drive back to the Institute was mostly silent. I was upset we’d hurt Max somehow.

Once we arrived, Don said goodbye to Max and stayed in the van as I pushed the silent boy back. Outside of the ward we talked for a moment.

“Thanks for everything, Louis. It was nice to see your home, and lunch was really good.”

“You’re welcome. We were glad we could come to see you and take you out for a bit.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “We can come and see you more often ….”

“I’m really tired. I’ll go back in now. Thanks again.”

By this time a nurse had come for him. She smiled at me, and took Max. He never turned to look behind him.

I stood there watching as the ward doors closed. It had been sometime since I’d felt this empty or alone.

~~~

It was nearly 4:30pm. We were on the way back home when Don remembered we had dinner at his mom’s in a couple of hours.

“Let’s stop and get a couple of bottles of wine and a nice bunch of flowers.”

“Sure. I’ll stop at the mall.” I checked the rearview and side mirrors and signaled I was moving into the right lane.

“Lous, this is not our fault.”

Straight to the heart of the matter. I glanced at him quickly.

“How isn’t it, Don? He was heartbroken ….” I turned into the mall and drove toward the liquour store, then found a parking place.

“Louis, he is heartbroken. He will be for a long time. His parents are dead; his life as he knew it is gone.” Don reached for my hand. “Then two guys come along, and he let’s himself enjoy the afternoon. The room just reminded him of what he’s lost. Give him some time.”

I nodded and got out of the van. I supposed Don was right, and I had to let this go. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t control this situation or Max’s feelings.

We bought a bottle each of red and white wine. Luckily for us, a flower seller, who was a smart cookie, sat outside of the store with buckets full of flowers. We bought a nice bunch of mixed flowers and headed home.

Dinner was at 6:00pm; it was after 5:00pm now. Once home and the van parked, Don went inside with our wine and flowers. I quickly looked after the horses. They were a bit skittish, likely because I was in a rush and also not in the calmest state of mind.

Done with the horses, I ran in and grabbed a quick shower. Donny was finishing off.

“I’ll be quick.”

“Slow down, Lous. This is my mother we are talking about. Slow down. She isn’t going to be worried if we are fifteen minutes late.”

I finished in record time and quickly toweled off. Galloping into the bedroom, I tripped over a small rug and fell to my knees. I knocked the air out of myself. I’d started to get up when Don put a hand on my shoulder.

“Stop it. Now. Slow the fuck down, Louis.” He caught me under the chin. “You’re going to hurt yourself. Just calm down.”

I sat back on my heels. I opened and closed my mouth.

Don hadn’t moved. “Babe, you are blaming yourself. I know it. You need to just relax.”

“Yeah. Yes, you’re right.” I got to my feet. “I’ll get dressed, and we’ll go.”

 

We were about twenty minutes late, and of course it didn’t matter. Rena and Robert were great company. We talked about Max. Robert said the same as Don had.

“He’d had a good afternoon with two people he likes.” Robert sipped red wine and placed the glass down in front of him on the coffee table. “Then suddenly the room he could be using reminded him of his home, and with that his parents. I’m not surprised he was upset. It hasn’t been all that long.”

Rena looked over at me. “That must have been hard … poor kid.”

“Yeah, it was. But what Robert and Don said, makes sense. I think it will get worse before it gets better.”

“Just give him time to sort out his feelings, Louis.” Robert smiled at me.

 

Talk moved on then to the wedding.

“We haven’t talked all that much about it,” Rena said.

“Have you thought about where or anything?” I asked her. Just as she was about the reply, my phone rang.

I frowned at my phone and said, “I’ll just take this in the kitchen. It’s my mom. Back in a minute.”

 

I pressed answer. “Hi, Ma.”

“Hi Louis. It’s your mother.”

I grinned knowing she was on her landline. “Hi, how are you?”

“Louis … L ….”

She sounded funny. “Ma, what is it? Is everything okay?”

“No … honey. You need to come … can you?”

“Yes, Ma! What is it?” I’d raised my voice and I could hear Don moving into the kitchen.

“I’m sorry. Sorry sweetheart. It’s Pa ….”

“I’ll get the next flight, Mom. What’s happened to Pa?”

“He’s … he is in the hospital. It’s his heart; it’s not good Louis.”

“Okay. I love you, Ma.” I grabbed hold of the counter. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. I’ll call you soon.”

“Thank you, okay. Hurry.”

“I will, Ma. Talk to you soon.”

I turned to Don. He tugged me onto his lap and held me close. “Let’s get home, Lous. I’ll take care of everything.”

~~~