Don't get too excited, no hidden kids, no porn movies on the Internet that would come back to bite me in the ass.
Only some recent things that happened lead me to rethink my priorities. 1) The approaching deadlines made me realize that I can't live two or three lives at once. For the last year, I've been a full-time employee, a doctoral student in my main studies and a postgraduate student in another studies for which I already paid a lot of money on school fees - bear in mind we don't pay tuition on public schools yet. On top of that I was a full time boyfriend and I started living on my own on full throttle (meaning I bough a washing machine and cut the last rope that tied me to the Mama Hotel). I also returned to regular working out trainings and of course, I have to have some time to stop and relax.
Well, nothing goes as you wish. Human body has its limits and when you reach them, you have to stop and relax (so that's the Life No.7 I think). Soon I realized I'm in no way capable of going to the gym after work that became more and more exhausting and stressful (there goes Life No. 6). Though, those are the easy solutions. Then there are other decisions, that take a lot of time to mull over and digest. Until last semester, except a few slips, I was always an excellent student, never failing - only when I lost interest, motivation and the drive to get there using the momentum I had gained before. Last semester I had to bitterly accept that I'm not able to finish my second postgraduate studies successfully. I failed two thirds of the final exams because I managed to prepare/study only for one third (from which I got an A). My perfectionism and my time management - well me, I screwed up. I found out that I'm great in making time schedules, plans and all that stuff but I can't stick to them. Working full time, two schools and spending my free time with my boyfriend (being finally really happy, for the first time in my life:wub:), something was bound to get lost from my attention. Work and the doctoral stipend supplying some money, boyfriend supplying mental stability... my interest in the postgraduate studies (that suffered a lot when I realized I'm not going to go that career path in my life) just got lost. I still had the momentum though... And I ran out of it last semester. So after finals A, F, F, I swore to myself to find the rests of my willpower and finish everything for the second (and the last) try. Well, the deadline for handing out the thesis is on Tuesday and I'm still only half way through. Moreover, until Monday I have to handout my opinion papers on the final BA theses I had to review on my doctorate studies and I had promised to correct the seminar papers by Monday too. Then I'm really LATE with my article with which I've been fighting for years and if I don't get a promise of publishing by Septermber, my doctoral studies are finished too. And now add to this mess stressful problems at work (on which I'm not going to elaborate because it would just piss me off again).
So I guess it's time to lose some burdens of my past. I'm seriously considering cutting my other postgraduate studies off, finishing two final steps before a second degree... I'm also forming back-up plans (mainly financial) if I lost the doctoral stipend with my doctoral studies gone... and I'm seriously hoping the situation at work works out tomorrow (I'm expecting a very unpleasant meeting) because if they also cut my salary, my life won't be so pleasant.
It's really hard you know... getting from an excellent student to a loser who won't finish the finals... But all my life, I've been doing things others expected me to do, no, things others expected me to excel in. Even if it was my decision to start the second studies - and there was time I was seriously considering to found my living on them... I should have stopped them the minute I lost the interest. But that would be something nobody would expect of me. And I didn't know how to say NO. Today, during a confrontation at work, I learnt that. Suddenly, I just knew that it was something I didn't want to do. And I said no. I don't know if it was wise or dangerous or whatever, but I said no and tomorrow I'm going to stand my case. Even if I'm willing to help, everything has its limits and my friendliness just reached mine.
Kudos to anyone who reached this far All this blabbering, a mix of my school and work problems, it's not easy to read and understand. In short, I'm considering dropping all my studies and devote all my time to my career, earning money and being awfully rich. I have my life and I'm going to live it.