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Burdens of my past. Just say no.

paya

Entry posted by paya

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Don't get too excited, no hidden kids, no porn movies on the Internet that would come back to bite me in the ass. :P

 

Only some recent things that happened lead me to rethink my priorities. 1) The approaching deadlines made me realize that I can't live two or three lives at once. For the last year, I've been a full-time employee, a doctoral student in my main studies and a postgraduate student in another studies for which I already paid a lot of money on school fees - bear in mind we don't pay tuition on public schools yet. On top of that I was a full time boyfriend and I started living on my own on full throttle (meaning I bough a washing machine and cut the last rope that tied me to the Mama Hotel). I also returned to regular working out trainings and of course, I have to have some time to stop and relax.

 

Well, nothing goes as you wish. Human body has its limits and when you reach them, you have to stop and relax (so that's the Life No.7 I think). Soon I realized I'm in no way capable of going to the gym after work that became more and more exhausting and stressful (there goes Life No. 6). Though, those are the easy solutions. Then there are other decisions, that take a lot of time to mull over and digest. Until last semester, except a few slips, I was always an excellent student, never failing - only when I lost interest, motivation and the drive to get there using the momentum I had gained before. Last semester I had to bitterly accept that I'm not able to finish my second postgraduate studies successfully. I failed two thirds of the final exams because I managed to prepare/study only for one third (from which I got an A). My perfectionism and my time management - well me, I screwed up. I found out that I'm great in making time schedules, plans and all that stuff but I can't stick to them. Working full time, two schools and spending my free time with my boyfriend (being finally really happy, for the first time in my life:wub:), something was bound to get lost from my attention. Work and the doctoral stipend supplying some money, boyfriend supplying mental stability... my interest in the postgraduate studies (that suffered a lot when I realized I'm not going to go that career path in my life) just got lost. I still had the momentum though... And I ran out of it last semester. So after finals A, F, F, I swore to myself to find the rests of my willpower and finish everything for the second (and the last) try. Well, the deadline for handing out the thesis is on Tuesday and I'm still only half way through. Moreover, until Monday I have to handout my opinion papers on the final BA theses I had to review on my doctorate studies and I had promised to correct the seminar papers by Monday too. Then I'm really LATE with my article with which I've been fighting for years and if I don't get a promise of publishing by Septermber, my doctoral studies are finished too. And now add to this mess stressful problems at work (on which I'm not going to elaborate because it would just piss me off again).

 

So I guess it's time to lose some burdens of my past. I'm seriously considering cutting my other postgraduate studies off, finishing two final steps before a second degree... I'm also forming back-up plans (mainly financial) if I lost the doctoral stipend with my doctoral studies gone... and I'm seriously hoping the situation at work works out tomorrow (I'm expecting a very unpleasant meeting) because if they also cut my salary, my life won't be so pleasant.

 

It's really hard you know... getting from an excellent student to a loser who won't finish the finals... But all my life, I've been doing things others expected me to do, no, things others expected me to excel in. Even if it was my decision to start the second studies - and there was time I was seriously considering to found my living on them... I should have stopped them the minute I lost the interest. But that would be something nobody would expect of me. And I didn't know how to say NO. Today, during a confrontation at work, I learnt that. Suddenly, I just knew that it was something I didn't want to do. And I said no. I don't know if it was wise or dangerous or whatever, but I said no and tomorrow I'm going to stand my case. Even if I'm willing to help, everything has its limits and my friendliness just reached mine.

 

Kudos to anyone who reached this far :worship: All this blabbering, a mix of my school and work problems, it's not easy to read and understand. In short, I'm considering dropping all my studies and devote all my time to my career, earning money and being awfully rich. :P I have my life and I'm going to live it.

 

papaya200px.jpg

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Westie

Ten things

 

(1) I believe in you more than anyone else

 

(2) Nothing you can say can make me love you less

 

(3) nothing you can do will make me less proud

 

(4) Being the best in everything is not living a life of goals and achivement, it is allowing goals and achievement to live your life. Love is life

 

(5) Standing up for yourself is what makes you a man and gives you self respect

 

(6) Dont live your life for others.... live it for yourself

 

(7) You are the most wonderful, intelligent, amazing person I have ever met

 

(8) You make me complete

 

(9) I will support every step you take

 

(10) .... 9 inches :D (i couldnt think of a 10th.... :P )

 

big hug :hug:

 

West

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Nephylim

Westie... are you SURE you're gay. I mean couldn't I at least borrow you at weekends :P

 

 

Paya...

 

 

'getting from an excellent student to a loser who won't finish the finals..' Darling you will NEVER be a loser.

 

As someone who also has trouble saying no I have to say to you sweetheart that you are ging to have to learn no matter how hard because if you don't the universe will do it for you. I was pretty much the same as you. Every spare moment filled and mostly promised to others. Then I had my back issues and I could be quite as much there for everyone but I was still expected to drive around and be the one who takes my mother shopping twice a week no matter what blah blah. So I lost my license and can't drive. And they my back got worse and then I had to give up full time work.... moral

 

I am now happier than I have ever been with my life. I work part time in a job I love. Doesn't pay well but I'm happy. I write write write which makes me more than happy. But I can't walk well, can't drive and am in pain most of the time.

 

COME ONE babe. Quit while you're ahead. Don't wait until the universe does it for you.

 

Cut out of your life EVERYTHING that you don't absolutely need. Some people hoard physical stuff you hoard mental stuff. Stop it.

 

Oh and although I think it is extremely unlikely but if your man accidentally gets thrown out with the rest can you throw him my way.

 

Oh Oh Oh... how about cloning. Can I clone you...both of you. One to wash and one to wear :)

 

Take care of yourself

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Marzipan

Balance is the key word.

 

Find the kind of balance in your llife between duties and personal happiess that gives you challenge and satisfaction. If all you do is be a busy bee all the time then you might miss the little special things that you enjoy.

 

Also, failing is learning too :) It just teaches you things from a different perspective.

 

You got so much going on make clear what your priorities are and focus on the big picture.

 

What else... hmmm. You are going to places in your life! I just know so :hug:

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NaperVic

Paya,

 

Whatever you decide, just try to do the best to not have any regrets (mostly in regard to your PhD, but applicable to everything else).

 

If you've come this far and decide to set working on your PhDaside, it might not be something that you can pick up where you left off later.

 

Just remember, no regrets.:2thumbs:

 

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

 

Vic

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Johnathan Colourfield

Well Paya i can only reccomend taking things one thing at a time :)

 

If you can take doing it all then go for it :)

 

Lean on Westie, he's a lovely guy and i'm sure he will support you as much as he can.

 

Look at it in terms of making a list and grading each thing to do A to E. You get the A things done first, then B then C etc. until everything is done. I did that with my studies and it really worked :) It's just a case of being able to tell what is most important to you.

 

Then once you have done that, you can if you want to take out all of the things that are E grade and then free up some time or anything below a C grade :)

 

Whatever you decide we are all behind you all the way

 

John xx

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old bob
devote all my time to my career, earning money and being awfully rich

This is a goal of great worth :worship:. Just not forget that this is a hard path, you need self confidence, you need good friends, you need fierceness in your behavior.

I wish you good luck in your new future. I am sure you will have all what you need to be successful

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Mark Arbour

Well, you f**ked up. Join the club. All of us do that. What is so awesome is the way you've acknowledged it, figured it out, and now you're planning to not do it again. How many of us do the same thing over and over again and never learn? (answer: most of us)

 

One of my colleagues told me that he'd never worked for an institution that wasn't willing to work him to death. It's up to us to put up walls and boundaries to prevent that from happening. I look back and think about the hours I worked, and I can't say that in retrospect it made much sense to push that hard. On the other hand, the memories and important moments that I cherish are those I spent with people I love.

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