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Two Years Since Dad Died


Tiger

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It was exactly two years ago today when my adoptive father died. He had had a stroke in in his brainstem in July of 2004. He died on April 24, 2006, exactly two years ago. It does not seem that long ago either. In some ways, I still feel like I'm missing a father figure, but life goes on. There was actually a time when I would have sought an older man in a context of a loving relationship to fill the gap. It took me a while to realize it, but that would not have been a good idea. What I had to do was accept my father's death and move on with my life and stop wondering what might have been. I've almost forgotten his voice. The last time he was alive, he was in a hospital bed slowly fading away, a shadow of his former self.

 

I helped take care of him for a long time. That meant giving him medication via a feeding tube, changing him, and giving him breathing treatments as well as turning him from time to time. It was no easy task either. Then, he really went downhill. First, his feet started turning black literally. They were actually considering amputation. Finally, he got pneumonia plus MRSA and sudamonis. He ended up being on a ventilator for the second time. Just as a respiratory therapist was working with him, his heart stopped beating. The nurse went into the room and tried to bring him back. A physician actually joined her, but it was too late. I found out soon after and soon my aunt and her husband took me to the hospital where he had died. I was still somewhat shocked. Even when you expect someone to die, it's still a surprise you're not ready to handle.

 

It was about a week later on May 1st when we had his funeral. I couldn't help but think it was way too soon for that to happen in my life. I was only 23. In the end, we don't know how long we're going to live. Most of us expect to live more than 53 years, but there is no promise that we will. We were not meant to live forever, but I still can't help but think that 53 is way too young to die. I certainly hope that I live longer than that, but that may not happen. That's why I need to live my life day by day and focus mostly on the here and now.

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Hang in there. People never get over the death of someone that close whether it be a father figure, a sibling, a child, those deaths I'd think would be something that would last and never really lose its powerful emotion. Watching someone slowly decline in health is something hard to do as well no matter who it is. Being part of something like that does make one think about how much time they have too.

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As I recently learned one's life can potentially end far sooner than expected. More than ever I realize how critical it is to stay focused on the here and now. I'm glad you seem to realize that too Tim. Thanks for sharing this very personal story with all of us.

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The first few years are the worst after a loving parent dies. Just remember how much love he had for you, and know that wherever he is now, he is still rooting for you!

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I appreciate everyone's advice and understanding. It has been difficult at times. The realization that the only father you have ever known has been dead for over two years is still difficult to believe, but at the same time I have accepted it. Everyone has to deal with it sooner or later, but I hope that no one else here has to deal with it at such a young age like I did.

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I appreciate everyone's advice and understanding. It has been difficult at times. The realization that the only father you have ever known has been dead for over two years is still difficult to believe,.. but at the same time I have accepted it. Everyone has to deal with it sooner or later, but I hope that no one else here has to deal with it at such a young age like I did.

When you grow older, you will let a lot of people "on the side of the road": family's members, close friends and others. Grief is always hard, very hard. But with the time passing, you will only remember the good moments. It's what life teach you.

As you told us about the two last years of his life, I could imagine that his death was a relief form him. (I lived that with my daughter, dying from AIDS). And what it concern yourself, live each day, enjoy it, remembering always it could be your last.

That's an advise of a very old man.

Take care and "carpe diem".

Old Bob

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Tim, I was about your age when my father died. That, too, was at the end of a long illness.

 

There's not much I can say, other than it hurts but it slowly gets better. Try and remember the good times.

 

It's been over ten years for me. It still hurts, though time has made it easier.

 

Stay strong, my friend.

CJ

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I appreciate everyone's advice and understanding. It has been difficult at times. The realization that the only father you have ever known has been dead for over two years is still difficult to believe,.. but at the same time I have accepted it. Everyone has to deal with it sooner or later, but I hope that no one else here has to deal with it at such a young age like I did.

When you grow older, you will let a lot of people "on the side of the road": family's members, close friends and others. Grief is always hard, very hard. But with the time passing, you will only remember the good moments. It's what life teach you.

As you told us about the two last years of his life, I could imagine that his death was a relief form him. (I lived that with my daughter, dying from AIDS). And what it concern yourself, live each day, enjoy it, remembering always it could be your last.

That's an advise of a very old man.

Take care and "carpe diem".

Old Bob

That's terrible that your daughter died like that. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope we find a cure for HIV/AIDS soon. Part of the reason I wrote my anthology story was to honor the victims of the horrible disease.

 

Tim, I was about your age when my father died. That, too, was at the end of a long illness.

 

There's not much I can say, other than it hurts but it slowly gets better. Try and remember the good times.

 

It's been over ten years for me. It still hurts, though time has made it easier.

 

Stay strong, my friend.

CJ

I do remember the good times, and I will treasure them for the rest of my life. The problem is that they seem so long ago. I'm also sorry to hear that your father died when you were so long. If you don't mind me asking, how did your mother handle it? Mine is starting to date again, but she still cried a lot on the 24th.

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