What if He/She says "I love you"

[AFriendlyFace]

Hi everyone!

 

So this is sorta a continuation of the "Saying I love you" thread. Most people in that thread agreed that it was important to wait till you were sure you felt it before you say it...but what do you do if you don't really get the chance because the other person says it 'too soon'?

 

This sorta happened to me in the last actual relationship I was in (as opposed to just "dating" someone a few times). He suddenly said it, we hadn't been together that long, I figured it would be rude not to say it back - and I did care about him - so I did...then it didn't work out and he had a lot of trouble moving on (he broke up with me for the record, he just 'tried to take it back' a BUNCH of times).

 

SO what would you have done in that situation? How would you have handled it? Do you think my saying it made it harder for him when we did break up or would it have hurt him more at the time if I hadn't said it back?

 

-Kevin

[Krista]

Honestly.. I flirt... that seems odd, but really, if it's too early for me to believe them I don't want to dishearten them by changing the subject or freak out. I definitely don't want to say it back either - if the feelings aren't there. It leads to expectations afterwards and I tend to stay well away from unwanted expectations as all that becomes messy. So, I flirt. So that they see something encouraging, with out me submitting to the words in any way. They may take it as me "feeling the same way," but since it's not said - and really so far I've been lucky and not met a guy to actually force the subject it out of me with countless discussions or questions - then the guy cannot hold the words against himself or me. Anyway, It's easier for me to be flirtatious.

 

It is leading them on, but saying I love you just for the hell of it is a lot more damaging compared to me turning the attention away from the word and returning to a light moment. I guess it's a perk that women have... and I don't recommend it for most people.. lol.. it's just something that I do.

 

We've been desensitized to the word.

[Menzoberranzen]

Smile warmly, then lean in and kiss them. It's happened to me in two relationships, one in which I eventually said it back. It's painfully obvious when you try and divert the attention, and a 'talk' is also fairly awkward. I guess this falls into a similar category to Krista; let them interpret your signals how they want and even if the relationship fails soon after, at least you are spared an extremely awkward situation.

 

Menzo

[AFriendlyFace]

LOL, Menzo and Krista! Where were you when those suggestions would have been invaluable?!?

[old bob]

I voted "other".

I never had this problem .I was always the first to say it, to a person I really loved . For the others, I told them my opinion about love before they had an occasion to say it, and that "closed" the discussion about the subject !

[BeaStKid]

even though I have never been in such a situation, when I picture myself in one I will most probably do what Menzo said or probably say thank you and then do what Menzo said

 

BeaStKid

[rich_e]

haha when I read Kevin's question, I was debating over whether I should post and say what I would honestly do, then I saw Krista and Menzo do it for me. Flirting is just easiest in that scenerio. I think saying it if you don't feel it would be really damaging in the end, and saying "thank you" is pretty much the most painful thing you could respond with. Well, perhaps laughing at them would be more painful... Regardless, you don't want to belittle what they have to say to you, and you also don't want them to become disheartened if you feel like it's just too soon.

[Graeme]

I agree with Menzo and Krista. You acknowledge what they've said, but you don't have to reciprocate. If they start to push, say that you like them, and may come to love them, but it's too early for you. Usually, they probably won't push, though you may see some signs of disappointment if you don't repeat it back to them. If you do, you have to make a decision on whether to explain or not.

[writeincode]

Smile warmly, then lean in and kiss them. It's happened to me in two relationships, one in which I eventually said it back. It's painfully obvious when you try and divert the attention, and a 'talk' is also fairly awkward. I guess this falls into a similar category to Krista; let them interpret your signals how they want and even if the relationship fails soon after, at least you are spared an extremely awkward situation.

 

Menzo

That's exactly what I do. It's the perfect option.

[Tiger]

My choice was, "I'd say it back...it's just rude and hurtful not to," because I tend to be an appeaser. Anything I can do to avoid conflict is a good thing. It does not work all the time, but I try.

[FrenchCanadian]

It depends, If I do have some good feeling about the guy, yeah, I'd kiss him, and hug him. And maybe it would make me feel good enough to say something like "I do love you too"

 

If I'm not sure about the feeling for him yet, or if I simply don't love him.. well, OMG, I'd try to do the best not to hurt him more. (cause any rejection like that would hurt) Either I'd try to change the subject, if I can, or I'd have a talk about how I can't say the same.

[Ieshwar]

It depends on the situation. Either I would say back to not hurt him or say thanks, smile and move one to other things. Anway, here, the word has become so...mundane that it's kinda no big deal.

 

Very sad.

 

Ieshwar

[JSmith]

Now here's the kicker... what if he/she says it the first time while you're having sex?

[Menzoberranzen]

Now here's the kicker... what if he/she says it the first time while you're having sex?

 

Then he is, simply put, an idiot. There is a time and a place for everything, and sex is not the place to tell someone you love them for the first time. There's waaay to much room for awkwardness. I would probably do what I mentioned above (and possibly add in a little...extra seeing as we were already naked) but I would be more than a little miffed. Nothing ruins sex like un-reciprocated declarations of love.

 

Please tell me this didn't happen to you...

 

Menzo

[AFriendlyFace]

Now here's the kicker... what if he/she says it the first time while you're having sex?

 

 

Then he is, simply put, an idiot. There is a time and a place for everything, and sex is not the place to tell someone you love them for the first time. There's waaay to much room for awkwardness. I would probably do what I mentioned above (and possibly add in a little...extra seeing as we were already naked) but I would be more than a little miffed. Nothing ruins sex like un-reciprocated declarations of love.

 

Please tell me this didn't happen to you...

 

Menzo

 

Menzo's probably right, and thankfully this hasn't ever happened to me, but actually it sounds like that would be really romantic and make the sex much better if both people really did feel the same way.

[Tiger]

Then he is, simply put, an idiot. There is a time and a place for everything, and sex is not the place to tell someone you love them for the first time. There's waaay to much room for awkwardness. I would probably do what I mentioned above (and possibly add in a little...extra seeing as we were already naked) but I would be more than a little miffed. Nothing ruins sex like un-reciprocated declarations of love.

 

Please tell me this didn't happen to you...

 

Menzo

I agree with that. Once the words have been exchanged (preferably in meaningful way) then it's a great idea to do so. Otherwise, it's the worst possible timing for such a declaration.

[FrenchCanadian]

Then he is, simply put, an idiot. There is a time and a place for everything, and sex is not the place to tell someone you love them for the first time. There's waaay to much room for awkwardness. I would probably do what I mentioned above (and possibly add in a little...extra seeing as we were already naked) but I would be more than a little miffed. Nothing ruins sex like un-reciprocated declarations of love.

 

Please tell me this didn't happen to you...

 

Menzo

 

While having sex!!! that's a big no,,, I mean I wouldn't mind, but I would never count getting an "I love you" while having sex as being a real one. I'd always think that it was said just 'cause he was horny.

[AFriendlyFace]

While having sex!!! that's a big no,,, I mean I wouldn't mind, but I would never count getting an "I love you" while having sex as being a real one. I'd always think that it was said just 'cause he was horny.

For a good example of an "I love you" that really works during sex, you folks should check out Owen and Aiden's first time in TLW

[Menzoberranzen]

For a good example of an "I love you" that really works during sex, you folks should check out Owen and Aiden's first time in TLW

 

It wasn't the first time though that Aiden said 'I love you.'

 

I <3 that scene anyway.

[NaperVic]

Now here's the kicker... what if he/she says it the first time while you're having sex?

 

I said it when we were messing around the first time, and I found by saying 'I love you' that he was much more willing and enthusiastic about going forward with more action .

 

Sometimes in the heat of the moment you say whatever it takes to get to the ultimate goal.

 

Take Care®,

 

Vic

[BeaStKid]

Personally, I would not reply if he/she told me that while having sex!!!

[Krista]

Now here's the kicker... what if he/she says it the first time while you're having sex?

 

 

 

Lol.. honestly I get the.. "I love you" while having sex some... now if the guy was to stop the act and say that he was serious.. it'd be like an instant cold shower. I mean really.. you can't believe their feelings are sincere when they're getting with it... I'm sorry.

[FrenchCanadian]

Lol.. honestly I get the.. "I love you" while having sex some... now if the guy was to stop the act and say that he was serious.. it'd be like an instant cold shower. I mean really.. you can't believe their feelings are sincere when they're getting with it... I'm sorry.

 

lol, no, that's like the thanks-for-letting-me-do-it "I love you",, lol, you can't trust that,, it's the lust talking,,, now, after the deed has been done and that you're both snuggling, if a "I love you" comes up, now you can believe it

[Tiger]

lol, no, that's like the thanks-for-letting-me-do-it "I love you",, lol, you can't trust that,, it's the lust talking,,, now, after the deed has been done and that you're both snuggling, if a "I love you" comes up, now you can believe it

That is exactly right. After sex is a great time to say it, because it is a lot more meaningful. Still, it should never be the first time as mentioned earlier. That is definitely not a good idea.

[Tristan Thinks]

...but what do you do if you don't really get the chance because the other person says it 'too soon'?

 

"Thank you, that means a lot to me. I'm really looking forward to when it feels right that I can honestly say it to you, too. Right now I'm still on that journey, but I do care about you a great deal."