Do you plan to have kids?

[AFriendlyFace]

Hi everyone,

 

So all this talk of parenthood got me curious about what everyone else's views and plans are about this.

 

For me, I've always been completely positive I wanted to have kids. In fact, while ideally I would have them in a committed relationship with someone I love, I'm planning to have them no matter what, regardless of whether or not I'm seeing anyone or how serious it is. Having kids a much bigger priority for me than finding a permanent mate. (undoubtedly this is in large part due to the prevalence of divorce/break-ups in our society. I probably have come to view relationships as simply long-term at best, or "only possibly forever". Whereas I do view the child/parent relationship as permanent.)

 

I have a friend who doesn't plan on having kids because basically he feels that I won't want to invest the time and attention necessary (at least he's thought this through before having them). I had another friend who maintained that he wasn't going to have kids because I didn't want to screw them up. He was a bit unstable, and didn't like kids in the first place, so perhaps his decision is the best one too. A third friend does want them if he's in a permanent relationship at the time. A fourth friend, like me, plans to have them no matter what.

 

As for lesbians (all the above people were gay guys), I have one friend who wants to have kids but is completely unwilling to carry them (fortunately my other friend/her wife is willing to carry them). Another lesbian couple I know is pregnant right now! (due next month), and both were willing to carry them, but one of them actually decided to do it (and did) right after they broke up, a few months later they got back together (she definitely did not get pregnant in hopes of getting her girlfriend back).

 

So, do you plan to have kids? If so how? I'd be open to options 2,3, or 4, but adoption is my preferred method at this time (due in no small part to my strong feelings every child should be wanted and these kids need a home, and also that we've already got more than enough people on earth).

 

 

-Kevin

[Menzoberranzen]

I don't want kids. It's hard to pinpoint a reason, I just like life without them. I'd be much more inclined to get a dog or another car if I was ever lonely, and I like my life being all my own.

 

I put the option 'Yes, if my partner pushes for it.' I do like kids (well, sometimes...) and I think I'd make a good father, and I could see myself having them if the guy meant a lot to me and kids meant a lot to him. I'd have to be really, really sure that we weren't going to break up in a year, though.

 

If I did, I'd adopt an infant or very young toddler.

 

Menzo

 

PS Kevin, no relationship is ever permanent, not even the parent/child one. It's stronger, sure, but not permanent.

[AFriendlyFace]

I'd be much more inclined to get a dog or another car if I was ever lonely.

 

I had to check and make sure it wasn't Robbie posting this. LOL, did you really mean another car, or did you perhaps mean cat?

 

PS Kevin, no relationship is ever permanent, not even the parent/child one. It's stronger, sure, but not permanent.

Hmm, well I won't argue this point either way, but I do think that regardless of how good or bad one's relationship is with one's parents the very word "Parents" or "mom" or "dad" conjures up a particular individual(s). Whereas if you split up with someone romantically and you hear the word "boyfriend", "husband", "Spouse", "significant other" or whatever, you don't think of that person as filling that role.

[rknapp]

 

I had to check and make sure it wasn't Robbie posting this. LOL, did you really mean another car, or did you perhaps mean cat?

So did I!

 

 

I chose "No way!" and the unattended stroller

 

With the way I treat my parents there is no effin' way I'd want to have kids -- and if I did, I would sell them as soon as they talked back to me.

[Menzoberranzen]

God no....I meant cat. Cat's are warm and fuzzy and cars are large, metal and make me feel like straight when I talk about them (no offense Robbie dear.)

 

Menzo (who loves his cats, but not his cars)

[FrenchCanadian]

I sure plan to have kids. one of them has got to be a kid boy, (I guess you can't decide that much tho). I would do it with a surrogate tho

[YaP]

God no....I meant cat. Cat's are warm and fuzzy and cars are large, metal and make me feel like straight when I talk about them (no offense Robbie dear.)

 

Menzo (who loves his cats, but not his cars)

 

LOL ! :-)

 

As to the question.. I do like kids. I would like to have kids, but - at least to start with - I would like to share the responsibility with a significant other. Well, so far it didnt come up (neither the significant other, nor the kids). So i stick with the warm and fuzzy cat for the time being .

[moonwolf]

Do I want kids ? ... honestly yes but it will not come from me that is for sure... with all the defect that i might have in my genes (my eyesight problems, alcohol and drug problem in the family) I don't want to have my child living what I had to live in elementary school because of a birth defect with my eyes... I couldn't live with myself knowing I passed on genes that caused all this...

 

Now if my partner wants one I'll support it 100% and I would prefer a boy to a girl and I would want it through a surrogate mom

[Julian Alexander]

Sure, I want to have kids. Thats after i finally settle down with a guy and all, hehe. From the choices, the option that would choose now (although i did elect was the one about looking into genetic procedure) adopting someone, even if they are in their teens. I mean i know most people would like a baby to start off with, but i really want to skip those parts, and have a child that is somewhat self-reliant, plus most kids that don't get adopted are those in thier teens.

 

-Jules

[colinian]

Doug and I have been talking about this, and we think the answer for us is 'yes, we want to have kids'. We'd adopt. Of course, that will be years from now since we're both just in our first year of college. And we might change our minds later. But for right now, 'yes' and 'adopt' is the way we'll go.

 

Colin

[Ieshwar]

Thank god. For a moment, I thought we lost Menzo!

 

Anyway, I'm the stuupid who checked 'undecided'. I believe it will have to depend on my situation like in...10 years? If I'm stable financially, can support a child, want a child... I think I would. But then perhaps no. I have no idea! And I think it's pretty early to think about it.

 

Adopt!

 

Ieshwar

[Menzoberranzen]

Thank god. For a moment, I thought we lost Menzo!

 

I'm loyal to the team, Ieshwar, so don't worry. Besides, the other team has weird equipment...

 

Menzo

 

So boys and ladies, who's up for a manni/petti?!

 

[Krista]

I cannot personally have children, so that forces me to be undecided on the whole idea. I do have it arranged to search for a Surrogate mother to carry my fertilized eggs, but I've been around children all my life - babysitting (practically raising them honestly) so I'm pretty tired. There is still that curiosity though of what my children would look like if I and whoever I married would have a baby.

 

 

Adopting is something I've thought about doing as well. Two of my brothers and sisters are adopted so I see the appeal there. My oldest sister is taking care of a little boy who's mother is in jail for drug possessions and when she gets out of jail and goes to rehab and all that good stuff she gets the kid back... it's a good program, but I doubt I could do something like that.. as I would think a bad mother would always be a bad mother and when the child is happy.. then put back into a place of stress and neglect.. wouldn't be a good thing. Actually, this is the second time the child has been taken away from the mother and I think it's time for people to see.. that she doesn't care. So.. adopting is something good to do.. if you can afford it. Anyway that was slightly off topic.. lol.

 

I would get a surrogate and permanently adopt though.

[Tiger]

I would definitely like to have children. I choose the surrogate option, but I am far from opposed to doing it the old-fashioned way if necessary. I really want a child.

[JamesSavik]

Hell no. The little b@stards shoot up schools.

[Razor]

I definitely want kids, no question. I'm going to adopt. I think I'd be a good father, and I know I'd love my kids, and I really want a family some day.

 

So yeah, I don't know exactly at what point I'll decide to have them, but it will probably be for a long while yet. I'd wanna be in a stable relationship and financially established before I adopt.

[AFriendlyFace]

I mean i know most people would like a baby to start off with, but i really want to skip those parts, and have a child that somewhat self-reliant, plus most kids that don't get adopted are those in thier teens.

Ya know, I've been thinking and I think it would be really awesome if I could adopt a gay kid someday. I mean we've all heard stories about kids who get thrown out or run away. I'd really like to look after one, and I think I would be pretty good at soothing some of that inner-turmoil that's bound to be going on after something like that. Plus if you're going to adopt why not adopt "family"?

 

That said, I probably would still want to adopt a baby or younger child too. Of course hopefully by the time I'd be ready to adopt there wouldn't be anymore homeless gay kids out there, because society woulda gotten over all that.

 

Doug and I have been talking about this, and we think the answer for us is 'yes, we want to have kids'. We'd adopt. Of course, that will be years from now since we're both just in our first year of college. And we might change our minds later. But for right now, 'yes' and 'adopt' is the way we'll go.

I think you guys would make excellent parents

 

Thank god. For a moment, I thought we lost Menzo!

 

Anyway, I'm the stuupid who checked 'undecided'. I believe it will have to depend on my situation like in...10 years? If I'm stable financially, can support a child, want a child... I think I would. But then perhaps no. I have no idea! And I think it's pretty early to think about it.

 

Adopt!

No way is that stupid, Ieshwar! That's very sensible!

 

So boys and ladies, who's up for a manni/petti?!

LOL, you don't have to ask me twice!

 

I cannot personally have children, so that forces me to be undecided on the whole idea. I do have it arranged to search for a Surrogate mother to carry my fertilized eggs, but I've been around children all my life - babysitting (practically raising them honestly) so I'm pretty tired. There is still that curiosity though of what my children would look like if I and whoever I married would have a baby.

 

 

Adopting is something I've thought about doing as well. Two of my brothers and sisters are adopted so I see the appeal there. My oldest sister is taking care of a little boy who's mother is in jail for drug possessions and when she gets out of jail and goes to rehab and all that good stuff she gets the kid back... it's a good program, but I doubt I could do something like that.. as I would think a bad mother would always be a bad mother and when the child is happy.. then put back into a place of stress and neglect.. wouldn't be a good thing. Actually, this is the second time the child has been taken away from the mother and I think it's time for people to see.. that she doesn't care. So.. adopting is something good to do.. if you can afford it. Anyway that was slightly off topic.. lol.

 

I would get a surrogate and permanently adopt though.

I certainly don't think that was off-topic at all, Krista. Oh my gosh though! That sounds like a really good program, but you're right: there's no way I could keep the child for several months or a year and then give him/her up, especially to a parent who had previously had problems that warranted removing the child! Don't get me wrong, I'm all for people having a second chance, and I think it is a good program, but emotionally I know I couldn't do it.

 

As for having kids to see what they'd look like, actually I was really thinking it would be cool to adopt children of another race. I know children can often face added adversity from this, but I think in the long-run it's a really positive thing for society to see inter-racial families (even better if they're GLBT too!), and I think it's really great for the kids to grow up in a diverse, and accepting background. It seems like it sorta gives them a good headstart when it comes to learning about things like tolerance and acceptance.

 

I would definitely like to have children. I choose the surrogate option, but I am far from opposed to doing it the old-fashioned way if necessary. I really want a child.

I used to joke that if I were a girl I'd probably go out and get myself knocked up just so I could have a kid...only I'm not sure I am joking...I think I'd have really been tempted to do that.

 

Anyway, I know where you're coming from, and whatever arrangement you work out is fine, just please be upfront with the woman okay? She doesn't deserve to discover that the man she's in love with and had a baby with was purposely deceiving and using her.

 

Hell no. The little b@stards shoot up schools.

 

I definitely want kids, no question. I'm going to adopt. I think I'd be a good father, and I know I'd love my kids, and I really want a family some day.

 

So yeah, I don't know exactly at what point I'll decide to have them, but it will probably be for a long while yet. I'd wanna be in a stable relationship and financially established before I adopt.

Dude, I think you'd be an amazing dad!

 

-Kevin

[Tarin]

I think I am mostly on the same page as AFriendlyFace.

 

Yes I want kids. More than anything.

Caring for another life is what I think is the greatest thing anyone can do, and I want to do it too.

It would be nice to have support, but I'm not going to depend on having it. I'll fufill my life's goal with or without a partner.

 

I will adopt, there are plenty of children already born that need to be loved.

I think two is my limit though.

Boys or girls?

[Graeme]

I don't really think I need to answer this, but I will anyway

 

Yes, I want kids, but I don't want more than the two I already have

 

I also got them the old fashioned away

 

Interestingly, I've always been keener on kids than my wife. She's never been particularly baby friendly (my mum learnt very quickly not to ask if she's like to hold the baby when one of my sisters or brothers brought around the latest grandkid), except during the few years when our boys were little. She's always been child friendly, though, and would go to a reasonable amount of trouble to get her old pony kitted up for pony rides when kids came around to our place. Sadly, that pony is no longer with us and her latest horse isn't safe for unskilled riders.

[Caipirinha]

I've never really had the urge to have children, and I don't think I particularly want them but, from what I've been told, I'm spectacular with kids. Plus I'm young. I think my mother was completely insane to have children at 21 and 25.

 

However I'm absolutely positive that I will be raising kids. My brother is a hopeless geek, every girl he has ever dated, including his current girl friend, is a hopeless nerd. No my brother's already told me that it's my responsibility to raise them with an awareness of things other than video games, comic books, and dungeons and dragons. He wants me to help raise them so they share my love of art and wold culture. He wants me to help them become well rounded, cultured, individuals. I want to help raise them so they don't get beat up every school day of their lives for being hopeless dorks. ;-)

 

Now, if I ever did decide to have children, it kills me to say it because I believe in adoption, but I would probably use a surrogate. Mostly because I live in a fairy tale world where the rivers are made of Vitamin Water, Twizzlers fall from the sky, and some day a spectacularly handsome, genetically well, prince charming will fall madly in love with me for no reason and father our children. Genetically speaking I'm a mess so I don't ever see myself fathering children. If I were in a committed relationship with someone who wanted children and was willing to father them, I would love them like my own. And If I stay single forever (which is most likely what will happen) I will either never have kids outside my nephews/nieces or not end up adopting children but rather fostering older kids, the ones that harder to place.

[BeaStKid]

Of Course!!!

 

If I were to marry a woman....then no problemo at all!!

 

But if I were to fall for a guy instead, which I am more likely to do so, I would go in for both adoption and a surrogate child.

 

BeaStKid

 

P.S

Not more than two children for me, please!!! lol

[Hylas]

1,2,3,and 4. Four being the preferred method. Adoption too when more are needed heh. But I'd want at least ONE to continue my genetic line.

 

Yes I WANT kids. It's one of the reasons why I didn't like being gay when I was younger. But I'll start worrying about it only when I'm WAAAY older. LOL Not just yet. Heh.

 

I love my niece and nephew to bits.

 

I hate stupid kids though. The kind that just stares back at you dumbly while sucking a lollipop? I wanna pinch them and run away with the lollipop or something LOL.

 

Kids who offer you one or ask a lot about stuff is my kinda kids. Hope to have one (or two or three or more) like that someday.

[Drewbie]

Im undecided, if I did I would adobt, to many kids in the world that don't have homes, and I don't get why it has to be their blood to carry on the name, plus this world is overpopulated.

 

at the same time, when i was working at a store, or seeing kids act in restaurants, make me like children less.

 

and for some that a say a relationship between a child and parent are permeant, isn't exactly true there are some that do not talk to their parents or familyies at all for some reason or another.

Edited February 17, 2008 by Drewbie

[rknapp]

I hate stupid kids though. The kind that just stares back at you dumbly while sucking a lollipop? I wanna pinch them and run away with the lollipop or something LOL.

Those are the kind that I use for football practice... they're the football.

[Tiger]

I hate stupid kids though. The kind that just stares back at you dumbly while sucking a lollipop? I wanna pinch them and run away with the lollipop or something LOL.

At least you do not want to give them swirlies. Then again, I don't like stupid people in general.