So how did you find love(bf) in this world ....

[Former Member]

Being where I am, I don't think I'll be able to find a boyfriend at all. It's just too hard. Gays here are either the flamboyant types (not that there's anything wrong with it, it's just not my preference) or waaaaay inside the closet that they're in Narnia. It's a cultural and religion thing. And partly my fault too I guess, my self-esteem isn't really up there.

 

But I still have hope. Even if I have to wait forever, I will. I'm not the kind of person that wants to play or date around. So that makes it harder. I'm such a glutton for misery.

 

*sigh*

 

Keep your head up. It will come.

Edited December 3, 2008 by jessiflash

[hh5]

Being where I am, I don't think I'll be able to find a boyfriend at all. It's just too hard. Gays here are either the flamboyant types (not that there's anything wrong with it, it's just not my preference) or waaaaay inside the closet that they're in Narnia. It's a cultural and religion thing. And partly my fault too I guess, my self-esteem isn't really up there.

 

But I still have hope. Even if I have to wait forever, I will. I'm not the kind of person that wants to play or date around. So that makes it harder. I'm such a glutton for misery.

 

*sigh*

 

Vermillion - I am glad you posted your message, here. You are still young. But do not give up on your search.

Keep on making GAY friends - even the flamboyant ones - if they ask why you're sad - answer with the truth - your search for your mate. If you have str8 friends that are gay friendly then maybe they may know someone. I am not suggesting a hunt. But at least it sort of putting the word out a bit.

 

Here is a quote from David

 

In one of my stories, an older guy gives this advice to the boy he discovers loves him: "To thy own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." Bill Shakespeare had the right idea.

 

I share it with you because it makes sense to do so.

 

I have no idea how big your search will go. Would it only be in your country? or Could it be with another country?

I guess you have a bit of thinking but don't give up hope.

Be true to yourself and have hope and love.

[hh5]

You wait. It'll come.

 

Of course, you have to be open to it. You can't be a recluse and expect to still have a love life.

 

hehe, I like your tiger icon.

It reminds me of what the asians and a old hawiian wise man said about those born in the year of the tiger.

Some young tigers that have a ripen soul hook up with the same.

Some young tigers with a very young soul must wait till they are old to be mature enough to have a mate; perhaps the next life time.

Some young tigers with old souls will mate with older tigers with ripen soul.

 

I think I get what he trying to say. And with your advice - I hope to be strong enough to search wisely.

[KJames]

hehe, I like your tiger icon.

It reminds me of what the asians and a old hawiian wise man said about those born in the year of the tiger.

Some young tigers that have a ripen soul hook up with the same.

Some young tigers with a very young soul must wait till they are old to be mature enough to have a mate; perhaps the next life time.

Some young tigers with old souls will mate with older tigers with ripen soul.

 

I think I get what he trying to say. And with your advice - I hope to be strong enough to search wisely.

 

 

What about those who are young souls in young bodies who are found by ripened souls in young bodies who have chosen wisely...

 

Is that the best of all possible combinations?

[hh5]

What about those who are young souls in young bodies who are found by ripened souls in young bodies who have chosen wisely...

 

Is that the best of all possible combinations?

 

I knew someone would ask that question ... they would not choose each other

they know they would not get along (age diff in soul)

[Verm]

Thanks jessiflash, hh5. I do have a few gay friends, all of them flamboyant. They know that I'm kinda lonely and have tried to hook me up a few times, but I guess things didn't spark.

 

I'm kinda like what Myk said, I welcome love, but I won't go around chasing them. I guess I'm not the kind of person who'll make the first move heheh.

 

I dunno, maybe I'll find one in Melbourne when I go do my Master there next year. *crosses fingers*

 

Here's to hoping for love, cheers!

[KJames]

Thanks jessiflash, hh5. I do have a few gay friends, all of them flamboyant. They know that I'm kinda lonely and have tried to hook me up a few times, but I guess things didn't spark.

 

I'm kinda like what Myk said, I welcome love, but I won't go around chasing them. I guess I'm not the kind of person who'll make the first move heheh.

 

I dunno, maybe I'll find one in Melbourne when I go do my Master there next year. *crosses fingers*

 

Here's to hoping for love, cheers!

 

 

Good Luck! I hear those Aussie boys are real hot!

[Razor]

Honestly, I let him come to me. Rather than date anyone all my life, I focused on being happy and productive, and then out of the blue, he came to me. I think you should do the same. Don't get wrapped up in trying to find the right guy, rather try and get your own life straightened out first. Love is important, but it takes a backseat to survival and happiness (though it should enhance happiness, keep that in mind as well).

 

...own life straightened out first, yes. However, I dislike the phrasing there with "out of the blue". It sorta implies that it's guaranteed to happen that way for everyone. Most of the time love is not anywhere near "out of the blue"; it's a hindsight bias that people have when they look back and want to think that there was something special about their particular experience, and that they just "clicked" and whatnot. Love isn't a sudden, strong, insanely torrential emotion... that'd be lust. Love takes a lot of time to develop and has a huge continuum of degree. I love my friends a good bit. I love some of my friends enough that I'd go out of my way to do something for them. I love a few of my friends enough that I'd intentionally suffer so that they could avoid the same. I love certain members of my family enough that I'd not hesitate to jump in front of a bullet if I knew it were coming for them. Yeah, so I "love" all of my friends and family, but to drastically different degrees. It takes time and the right actions to develop it to a degree where the word "love" can really be used in a strong fashion.

 

I damn sure wouldn't take a bullet for anyone who I recently said "I love you" to, even though that doesn't make the phrase itself ANY less true. Point is, it's something that is in a continuum, not an either/or.

 

 

Be a sucker. Wear your heart on your sleeve. Cry at movies. Trust people.

 

Let me know how long you last.

 

Agree.

 

The kiss thing was because he smokes. Even now I make him brush his teeth before we kiss.

 

Chris is so sweet, kind and we get along so well. He accepts all my quirks and I accept MOST of them(the smoking thing I still hate).

 

I'll never quit smoking for a boyfriend. I'll agree to try harder, or take their opinion into account, but it's my choice. Quite frankly, people should really realize that trying to force a person, or even worse, guilt a person into quitting smoking is one fantastic way to ensure that they resent you on a deep level for a long time. Forcing change for another person isn't really as good an idea as it sounds. If you don't like something about a person, either deal with it or move on; don't ever count on them to change for you because it's unfair to both people.

 

Plus I'm one of those people that would very likely smoke more just for spite if pushed too hard.

 

I am a firm believer that things happen when you least expect them to. Stop looking, live your life and good things will happen.

 

Always be open to love, but don't chase it....its a bit shy

 

Greg

 

The second you stop looking is the second you miss it. Just sayin', if you wanna catch a fish you don't stop looking at the cork bobbing in the water. You might not fixate your eyes absolutely on it with no time to grab a beer from your cooler or carry on a low-key conversation with friends or look up to see what's going on around you... but your best bet to catch the fish is to pay attention to when the cork pops under the water. Not the best of analogies, and a bit dramatic, but I think my point remains intact. If you want something, you should never expect it to fall into your lap; it'll just make you bitter when it never does.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then again... perhaps I'm not the best person to comment on the subject.

[rknapp]

...own life straightened out first, yes. However, I dislike the phrasing there with "out of the blue". It sorta implies that it's guaranteed to happen that way for everyone. Most of the time love is not anywhere near "out of the blue"; it's a hindsight bias that people have when they look back and want to think that there was something special about their particular experience, and that they just "clicked" and whatnot. Love isn't a sudden, strong, insanely torrential emotion... that'd be lust. Love takes a lot of time to develop and has a huge continuum of degree. I love my friends a good bit. I love some of my friends enough that I'd go out of my way to do something for them. I love a few of my friends enough that I'd intentionally suffer so that they could avoid the same. I love certain members of my family enough that I'd not hesitate to jump in front of a bullet if I knew it were coming for them. Yeah, so I "love" all of my friends and family, but to drastically different degrees. It takes time and the right actions to develop it to a degree where the word "love" can really be used in a strong fashion.

 

I damn sure wouldn't take a bullet for anyone who I recently said "I love you" to, even though that doesn't make the phrase itself ANY less true. Point is, it's something that is in a continuum, not an either/or.

 

If you look at the context in which I used that phrase, it was in reference to my own relationship with my boyfriend, not to all relationships in general. For me, he did indeed come out of the blue (and I am always thankful that he did) but for others, it likely won't happen. The idea behind what I said is that if you learn to simply live your life and straighten yourself out without being hooked on finding Mr./Ms. Right, you'll be a happier and therefore more attractive person. A month before John and I realized our feelings for each other I was discussing the issue of finding love and attractiveness with a good friend of mine. He told me that if you're always putting yourself down, you become unattractive in the eyes of others rather quickly regardless of how you appear physically. If your life is a mess, then you most certainly will have that unattractive demeanor.

 

I'll never quit smoking for a boyfriend. I'll agree to try harder, or take their opinion into account, but it's my choice. Quite frankly, people should really realize that trying to force a person, or even worse, guilt a person into quitting smoking is one fantastic way to ensure that they resent you on a deep level for a long time. Forcing change for another person isn't really as good an idea as it sounds. If you don't like something about a person, either deal with it or move on; don't ever count on them to change for you because it's unfair to both people.

 

Plus I'm one of those people that would very likely smoke more just for spite if pushed too hard.

 

You're right, and you're wrong. Forcing someone to dump a bad habit (smoking, drinking, promiscuity, whatever) is 50/50 on damage and benefits I think. Ultimately it's good for both people because it otherwise could get worse and make both of their lives miserable. On the other hand, the short-term effect is the "quitter" resents the "forcer" and might say or do things that destroys the forcer's confidence in the quitter, and thereby destroys the relationship. I guess it depends on the seriousness of the habit whether or not the relationship "weathers the storm" so to speak.

 

Personally speaking if I had a bad habit and John asked me to stop, I most certainly would stop it for him because I value our relationship very much.

 

 

The second you stop looking is the second you miss it. Just sayin', if you wanna catch a fish you don't stop looking at the cork bobbing in the water. You might not fixate your eyes absolutely on it with no time to grab a beer from your cooler or carry on a low-key conversation with friends or look up to see what's going on around you... but your best bet to catch the fish is to pay attention to when the cork pops under the water. Not the best of analogies, and a bit dramatic, but I think my point remains intact. If you want something, you should never expect it to fall into your lap; it'll just make you bitter when it never does.

 

Actually if you modify it slightly to say you should keep your senses open, but refrain from committing unwavering attention to the cause, I think your analogy is perfect. That is essentially what you're saying. If you find someone you might like, watch out for details that might point to them liking you back, but don't let that urge for discovery consume you. Doing so will make you unattractive (again, having nothing to do with physical attraction).

 

 

 

I hope that all makes sense...

[MikeL]

I'll never quit smoking for a boyfriend. I'll agree to try harder, or take their opinion into account, but it's my choice. Quite frankly, people should really realize that trying to force a person, or even worse, guilt a person into quitting smoking is one fantastic way to ensure that they resent you on a deep level for a long time. Forcing change for another person isn't really as good an idea as it sounds. If you don't like something about a person, either deal with it or move on; don't ever count on them to change for you because it's unfair to both people.

 

Plus I'm one of those people that would very likely smoke more just for spite if pushed too hard.

There's another side to this issue. If you really love someone or really want to develop a closer relationship with someone, you might try dropping the bad habit even if he has not yet raised the subject. What better way is there to demonstrate your love for him than to sacrifice your personal comfort for his. I've been there and have done that. It worked for me. I get much more pleasure out of sex than I ever got from a cigarette. There's a bonus: I've outlived most of my friends who didn't give up smoking.

 

I agree with you completely on one thing. Others should either deal with your smoking or move on and not force or "guilt" you into quitting. In this day and time, I suspect most will move on.

[hh5]

My internet bf and I are getting back together.

He's fillipino.

It looks like he is getting a job in UK.

So we might be seeing each other one day.

This would be one of our hopes (4 years ago)

 

I did write a short story base on us its called "Who am I"

Its sort of base on one day we will meet each other.

 

I hope the closing of the distance and the many conversations we had will help us work on being together one day.

Its kinda of a dream we share to live our lives together.

 

We have been out of touch for 2 years because I got mad and he got mad.

We chatted about it and forgiven each other.

We caught up with whats been happening with each other.

 

I think the time away allowed us to mature a bit.

 

I am still unsure if god be willing to allow us to be together physically forever.

We both know there is a lot of details to iron out.

[Razor]

If you look at the context in which I used that phrase, it was in reference to my own relationship with my boyfriend, not to all relationships in general. For me, he did indeed come out of the blue (and I am always thankful that he did) but for others, it likely won't happen. The idea behind what I said is that if you learn to simply live your life and straighten yourself out without being hooked on finding Mr./Ms. Right, you'll be a happier and therefore more attractive person. A month before John and I realized our feelings for each other I was discussing the issue of finding love and attractiveness with a good friend of mine. He told me that if you're always putting yourself down, you become unattractive in the eyes of others rather quickly regardless of how you appear physically. If your life is a mess, then you most certainly will have that unattractive demeanor.

 

 

 

You're right, and you're wrong. Forcing someone to dump a bad habit (smoking, drinking, promiscuity, whatever) is 50/50 on damage and benefits I think. Ultimately it's good for both people because it otherwise could get worse and make both of their lives miserable. On the other hand, the short-term effect is the "quitter" resents the "forcer" and might say or do things that destroys the forcer's confidence in the quitter, and thereby destroys the relationship. I guess it depends on the seriousness of the habit whether or not the relationship "weathers the storm" so to speak.

 

Personally speaking if I had a bad habit and John asked me to stop, I most certainly would stop it for him because I value our relationship very much.

 

 

 

 

Actually if you modify it slightly to say you should keep your senses open, but refrain from committing unwavering attention to the cause, I think your analogy is perfect. That is essentially what you're saying. If you find someone you might like, watch out for details that might point to them liking you back, but don't let that urge for discovery consume you. Doing so will make you unattractive (again, having nothing to do with physical attraction).

 

 

 

I hope that all makes sense...

 

 

I'll definitely agree that keeping a healthy inner focus on self-improvement and self-sufficient happiness does make a person MUCH more attractive.

 

 

Also, I don't very much care to stop doing anything I do for another person. Regardless of what you may think, I really believe that if you're very much given to a particular practice and are forced into quitting it... you WILL inevitably and for a good length of time resent that person on at least some level. It's a seed of destruction in a healthy relationship, just sayin'.

 

And if anyone moves on because I smoke, oh well. That's up to them, and I'm happy the way I am right now. I've cut back drastically and intend to quit eventually, but right now I greatly enjoy my cigarettes and don't intend to quit right now.

[KJames]

I'll definitely agree that keeping a healthy inner focus on self-improvement and self-sufficient happiness does make a person MUCH more attractive.

 

 

Also, I don't very much care to stop doing anything I do for another person. Regardless of what you may think, I really believe that if you're very much given to a particular practice and are forced into quitting it... you WILL inevitably and for a good length of time resent that person on at least some level. It's a seed of destruction in a healthy relationship, just sayin'.

 

And if anyone moves on because I smoke, oh well. That's up to them, and I'm happy the way I am right now. I've cut back drastically and intend to quit eventually, but right now I greatly enjoy my cigarettes and don't intend to quit right now.

 

Glad to hear you're cutting back, but if there was one thing keeping others from approaching you as a potential romantic possibility and that was it, would you give it up for lifelong love? I've seen plenty of guys who were drop dead gorgeous that I would have stripped in public for if they had asked me to, but lost interest as soon as I saw them light up...thinking to myself, what a f**king waste...he'll be dead by 40....

Edited January 9, 2009 by kjames

[Razor]

Glad to hear you're cutting back, but if there was one thing keeping others from approaching you as a potential romantic possibility and that was it, would you give it up for lifelong love? I've seen plenty of guys who were drop dead gorgeous that I would have stripped in public for if they had asked me to, but lost interest as soon as I saw them light up...thinking to myself, what a f**king waste...he'll be dead by 40....

 

 

Hehe, a little random but I saw a lady in a wheelchair the other day smoking. It cracked me up a little because she had to be like seventy-something, unable to walk, but still smokin' like a chimney. Such a hardcore lil ole lady.

[LongGone]

I must throw a comment in. Nothing turns me off more romantically than a smoker. If I met the PERFECT person (and I recently have) and he/she/it smoked, there would be NO INTEREST from me. None. It's the smell.

 

However, I do respect people's desires to smoke*. If you want to, I'm not going to judge you in public; but I'm not going to date you either. I can't. Everyone has something that repulses them and this one's a huge one.

 

I only mention this, not to stir debate, but because most of my friends feel the same way.

 

* I have friends that smoke.

[Razor]

1.) OMG YOU HAVE A BUNNY IN YOUR SIGNATURE AND I JUST PUT A BUNNY IN THE LAST POST WINS THREAD! !

 

2.) Ah, 'sokay. I don't like being around smoke and I don't like the smell of it on clothing/skin/hair either, lol, and I actually do smoke... so yeah. I get that. Now nice tobacco is a different story because I've smelled some that I'd burn just to smell it because it's a pretty smell. Expensive stuff though, and I don't do pipe tobacco.

[moonwolf]

I actually met my boyfriend through GA and it just sort of happened, only because I read a story of his and wrote to him about it. Seeing we were in the same town we aggreed to meet. The rest is history going to a year on february 21 and moving together in 17 days.

 

Was it luck or fate of just that we were both serious about it I'll leave that up to you.

 

Joining groups is always a good idea not because of finding a boyfriend but because you meet new people, have fun, learn stuff and maybe find that person you're looking for though don't look too hard just keep your eyes opened

 

Take care

 

Moonwolf aka Jason

[Graeme]

I actually met my boyfriend through GA and it just sort of happened, only because I read a story of his and wrote to him about it. Seeing we were in the same town we aggreed to meet. The rest is history going to a year on february 21 and moving together in 17 days.

Congratulations!

[hh5]

I actually met my boyfriend through GA and it just sort of happened, only because I read a story of his and wrote to him about it.

 

Was it luck or fate of just that we were both serious about it I'll leave that up to you.

 

Wow that is amazing!!

[Former Member]

I actually met my boyfriend through GA and it just sort of happened, only because I read a story of his and wrote to him about it. Seeing we were in the same town we aggreed to meet. The rest is history going to a year on february 21 and moving together in 17 days.

 

Was it luck or fate of just that we were both serious about it I'll leave that up to you.

Congratulatons!

[SRevol]

But I still have hope. Even if I have to wait forever, I will. I'm not the kind of person that wants to play or date around. So that makes it harder. I'm such a glutton for misery.

 

*sigh*

 

 

I agree with that, love works alone n_n

[writeincode]

You just have to put yourself out there I guess. If you're inside all day or spending your time with the same people all the time then you can't expect to meet someone but don't do it with the dating intention as your only motivation because then you'll be a bit too keen n scary.

 

I met my boyfriend when we had to pair up for a CPR exam. I totally felt him up during compressions... But at the end he asked me out. Now we've been together for over a year

[Sir Galahad]

Well, I think it comes at the most unexpected time, if you over analyse it too much you'll be picking flaws in every guy you date. NO guy is perfect. lol

But I at least try.