W_L Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I don't know where this topic belongs, it's too soft for the soapbox politics and possibly issue oriented for the general forum, so let's see where we go from here: This issue started, when I went to a starbucks and I ordered an iced white mocha with whip cream. Pretty simple and mundane, but I just started wondering why I always ordered the same drink at Starbucks. Then, it hit me. It was due to a girl that I was "dating" in high school. The term dating in this case was more an idea of deflection from any hints at my homosexuality. She was a nice girl and we got along pretty well. She opened up to me about her problems, her family issues, and her insecurities. We started off as friends and somehow we started dating, but I never truly had any interest in her sexually. Whenever we went to a Starbucks, she always ordered an iced white mocha with whip cream and I followed. Well, even during the time we were "dating", I was still mainly interested in guys. One of my longest friends was among the guys I liked. He had a lot of inferiority issues due to his learning disability and I wanted to be there for him. I knew he was not gay, but I still liked him nonetheless. One day, I found out that he and my "girlfriend" had been together and friends forced me to confront her with the issue. I felt hurt, but I don't know why. I didn't feel attraction for her, nor did I have a chance with him. Are there people in life that transcends sexual appreciation? I really don't know. It was not love that I felt for her at the start, nor did I ever had a feeling of desire, but the issue is I still hold feelings for her even now. As a gay man, I am pretty open about my perceptions and sexuality nowadays versus my high school self. However, I have been questioning my inability to forget her. Anyone have good insights into this? or maybe have a similar story?
JamesSavik Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Eeeek! Girls. *Hides boyfriend* *shudders at their evil ass-wiggling powers over my man friends*
Nephylim Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Love is love. If you love someone you love them and not what gender they are. Some people only ever buy vanilla some only every buy tuttu frutti and some like a mix or a change. My advice to my children and to myself has always been... if love comes knocking at the door let it in no matter what label might be attached. 2
thatboyChase Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Yeah, all the time. Girls are the greatest invention ever, even if they can be annoying.
Genetic_Drift Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Part of my genetic condition kept me from generating any interest in anyone sexually for a long time. I just didn't understand what was the big deal about the physical side of relationships. I had hopeless crushes on people who's personality charmed me (almost exclusively men, though I crushed on two very confident, assured women). But for all that, my first relationship was with a girl that used to come into the shop where I worked all the time. One day she came in and said something to the effect of "You and I need to be going out." So we did. I learned a lot from her, and I think I came to love her for awhile. She lived not far from where a friend of mine currently lives. Because she was my first relationship, I don't think I'll ever forget her, and I think of her sometime as I pass her old house. If only she'd have been male, perhaps it would have worked out.
colinian Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Love is love. If you love someone you love them and not what gender they are. Some people only ever buy vanilla some only every buy tuttu frutti and some like a mix or a change. My advice to my children and to myself has always been... if love comes knocking at the door let it in no matter what label might be attached. I agree. I like looking at good looking girls. But Doug's my life partner and I'm head-over-heels in love with him. No good looking girl is going to change that. Both Doug and I can look at them, and at good looking guys too, and appreciate what we see. Colin
Procyon Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 ... if love comes knocking at the door let it in no matter what label might be attached. I agree... it comes along so rarely anyway, you need to take the chance if you're lucky enough to get it. 1
W_L Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 It's a very odd issue, she's the only girl that has kept my attention for more than a few minutes. It is an odd type of feeling to think about her. I just wonder why she's still in my thoughts to this day, it's just strange. It's not sexual or anything, but the thoughts and actions seem to repeat in my life.
Tom Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 First thing I would like to say is...I hope you never forget her. every experience we have affects who we are, so I hope you can remember her and all the good and bad times you had with her for as long as I have remembered my first. second thing is even more simple...enjoy all your good memories and try to learn from the bad ones as far as it being a girl or a guy, I personally think the real problem is the labels society use to try and categorize a persons sexuality. I don't think feelings can really be labeled; they're to chaotic to stay in one place for very long and they are always subject to one's point of view. hugs, tom 1
John Galaor Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I don't know where this topic belongs, it's too soft for the soapbox politics and possibly issue oriented for the general forum, so let's see where we go from here: This issue started, when I went to a starbucks and I ordered an iced white mocha with whip cream. Pretty simple and mundane, but I just started wondering why I always ordered the same drink at Starbucks. Then, it hit me. It was due to a girl that I was "dating" in high school. The term dating in this case was more an idea of deflection from any hints at my homosexuality. She was a nice girl and we got along pretty well. She opened up to me about her problems, her family issues, and her insecurities. We started off as friends and somehow we started dating, but I never truly had any interest in her sexually. Whenever we went to a Starbucks, she always ordered an iced white mocha with whip cream and I followed. this is a nice story. You can built quite a short story from this foundation. It can be full of feeling and perceptions, on all the three characters of the trio. John Galaor Well, even during the time we were "dating", I was still mainly interested in guys. One of my longest friends was among the guys I liked. He had a lot of inferiority issues due to his learning disability and I wanted to be there for him. I knew he was not gay, but I still liked him nonetheless. One day, I found out that he and my "girlfriend" had been together and friends forced me to confront her with the issue. I felt hurt, but I don't know why. I didn't feel attraction for her, nor did I have a chance with him. Are there people in life that transcends sexual appreciation? I really don't know. It was not love that I felt for her at the start, nor did I ever had a feeling of desire, but the issue is I still hold feelings for her even now. As a gay man, I am pretty open about my perceptions and sexuality nowadays versus my high school self. However, I have been questioning my inability to forget her. Anyone have good insights into this? or maybe have a similar story?
NaperVic Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Are there people in life that transcends sexual appreciation? Sounds like you just had a strong relationship with this female friend. Since she's not related to you and there was nothing sexual involved, the relationship probably just falls in the 'really good friend category'. I'm sure you have other strong relationships with others that are non-sexual. Maybe this one was just one of the strongest or a very special one? Your feeling of hurt as to your girlfriend getting together with a guy you liked could be a result of many factors: - Jealousy toward the girlfriend because she was able to get the guy you liked - Jealousy toward the guy friend because he was able to have a different kind of bond with your girlfriend than you could have - A feeling of being left out while your other two friends were having fun without you - Anger towards your girlfriend because she was technically cheating on you - Anger towards the guy friend because he betrayed your friendship by sleeping with your girlfriend Anyhow, just some thoughts. 1
Toast Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 In my life, I have been approached by more women than men. I'm very passive sexually. I have to feel an emotional response first for the sex to kick in. So I think about and spend a lot of time with women. I also look at men. Men are much harder to deal with than women. Being friends is great. But I need more than that.
Tipdin Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Are there people in life that transcends sexual appreciation? Absolutely. I am 2000% gay. Never EVER questioned it. Never EVER considered dating or sex with a girl. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I'm so gay that my eyes can't even see most females. However... Kim was a female, my best friend for years. We were together so much that most people thought we were dating. Even dancing at the gay bars, I would suddenly realize that I had lost all awareness of everything around me. I had gotten lost in the action of dancing with a girl, my dearest Kim. Everything seemed right between us, except that she was female and I was gay, We were SO good together that we ended up having to end the friendship. We both fell in love with each other and so neither of us was able to move forward. She wanted us to get married and have our separate sex partners on the side. I wanted my sex partner to be my only partner... But yes, there really is such a thing as emotional love without the physical manifestation of that connection.
Nephylim Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I think love can transcend anything... because it is not a choice. The choice comes in whether or not you acknowledge it and act on it... but love is never a choice. We can't help who we love... or don't love.
Site Administrator Cia Posted October 28, 2009 Site Administrator Posted October 28, 2009 I'm mainly straight..I am a woman who likes men...really likes them. But I liked girls growing up too, enough to appreciate looking at them, even today and doing some "experimenting" before I was in my dating/marriage to my husband in my teens. It is totally reasonable to be able to be attracted to one sex, even if you normally gravitate towards the other one. I believe you love who you love, sometimes even when it makes no sense at all. It should never be passed by because it doesn't fit in with a label you or someone else has given you. That being said, I remember those first relationships..most of them are pretty tame as teenagers, they seem to tend to be more emotional than physical for the most part. I agree with Napervic, even if you weren't in a physical relationship, you were in an emotional one, and your "girlfriend" and best friend betrayed that. That is bound to be hurtful, no matter what, especially if this was your first. And, as to the drink...I still remember why I drank Dr. Pepper for years each time I have one...my first crush then boyfriend influenced my choice since he loved them and that was all he drank. The relationship ended when he "cheated" one me, very hurtful even at a young age since it was my first relationship. I still remember him, his likes, dislikes, things he did..and this is 15 years later...emotional wounds are the hardest to forget.. Hang in there..hopefully some of the answers on here make you feel less alone with this issue...
Guest amgine Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Sounds like you put in an emotional investment into her, and because she opened up to you maybe it's your pride that makes you jealous. Have you considered bisexuality? I believe in the spectrum over the polarity idea of sexuality
Jack Frost Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Unfortunely, loving a girl in that way will also have to involve loving the vaginamonster.
NightOwl88 Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 It's a very odd issue, she's the only girl that has kept my attention for more than a few minutes. It is an odd type of feeling to think about her. I just wonder why she's still in my thoughts to this day, it's just strange. It's not sexual or anything, but the thoughts and actions seem to repeat in my life. I can't really offer you advice as to why you still think about her dude, only sympathize cause I know what you mean. When I was younger (before the whole gay realization thing) I was friends with a girl named Whitney. We weren't even best firends just really good ones. We moved away from eachother before any sort of desire could be felt by either of us but to this day I still think about her, more so then a lot of my friends I had back then. I dunno why I just do, I miss her too. Like I said, its not help to you but its something similer.
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