Do looks really (not) matter?

[Heart]

i'm totally blind and what matters for me is their sweetness, kindness, how they treat others, thoughtfullness. there's also the physical aspect like how they smell, being clean, the voice as well is something that i'm atracted to along with the way they touch me. sometimes the immediate atraction is the voice or smell though

[StonedOrchid]

I've never really paid much attention to the outside since I pretty much live in my own little world most of the time and it takes a very interesting conversation to drag me back into reality. Just going by the few times I've watched television, I would guess that society has a hang up on looks, but I've never really cared either way what a person looks like (unless they catch my eye as a possible descrip for a charrie that is) as long as they can hold my attention and have an intelligent discussion.

[Demetz]

Looks and personality both matter in varying degrees. My standards require the person be of at least average appearance and not possessing personality traits in the extreme negatives of abusiveness, desire to be abused, and egocentric to the point of indifference to my concerns or on the flipside selfless to the point of having no opinion or desires of their own. There needs to be both flexibility and willingness to be assertive at times. Relationships where one person makes all the decisions suck. Whether thats because one person insists on making all the decisions or because the other person refuses to make any decision, its a bad relationship to be in.

[Stargazer]

In my experience, the guys I thought were so hot turned out to be complete d-bags personality-wise, which made them less attractive to me physically. Guys I didn't find as attractive physically became more attractive because of their stunning personalities, senses of humor and other traits that I found appealing.

 

I think extremely good looking people may feel like they don't have to be 'nice' because they can get anything with their looks and are used to that. People who aren't as good looking maybe have to try a little harder and end up being better people because of it. I'm not saying a hot person can't be nice or a less hot person can't be a jerk. I'm just going by my experiences and how I view things through them.

 

Attitude is everything and there's a fine line between confidence and conceit. Looks matter but personality is more important.

[Tiger]

As long as the guy's not hideous, it's all good. I really do care more about a guy's personality though. I don't like guys who are total jerks.

[Oscar Pepper]

1) Gender

2) Age

3) Beauty

 

I think we all initially divvy others into groups based upon immediate usefulness.

[Percy]

My observation is that looks definitely matter and sometimes in subtle ways. I was a hiring manager for years and consistently the panel of interviewers I worked with showed a bias toward candidates who were more attractive. It was subtle, but noticeable. Older candidates and overweight candidates with the same qualifications as others didn't make as favorable an impression. However, I saw it work the other way too. We had one young woman, a very attractive blond, who was passed over for promotion at least two years longer than she should have been (in my opinion). She was extraordinarily bright and very grounded, but frankly she looked like a 21 year old Britney Spears and the men in my conservative industry did not take her seriously.

[Skylights]

looks matter in so far as physical attraction being important in our evolution. we just happen to like certain things.

 

I like to think a good package is best . Looks you find attractive, and a personality as attractive as well

beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all

 

but, really, size does matter. (lol)

[mr.chris]

How i met your mother says it all.

 

Reachers and Settlers

[micahdiablo]

I mean i am starting to look past looks and more on the inside but there has to be at least a somewhat decent attraction

[micahdiablo]

i've dated some guys who arent that attractive physically but were incredibly sexy based on intellect and charisma

[Marzipan]

Individual charisma, it's different with every single person. Some appeal to me some don't. It has nothing to do with looks. There are so many things in persons appearance that can be a turn on -or turn off.

[rustle]

Looks are a starting point, like the sound of a voice, or the smell of cologne. First impressions count, whether favorable or not. If you put crappy clothes on Michelangelo's David, or he needed a bath badly, or he had a high squeaky voice, he'd be a turn-off for most of us.

 

After the first look, we search for things we like or don't like. Intellect, personality, the things we DON'T see at first glance. Under most circumstances, we don't look past the gross turn-offs, but once in a while, some intangible can override one criterion not met. It's part of being human to be able to look past one thing to see another, if there's a reason.

 

We're all looking for different things, and in differing degrees at different times, but a sound mind in a sound body, maintained and presented well, goes a long way with most of us.

 

 

[Cyhort]

I think they matter somewhat. You can't have a complete relationship with someone if you don't have an emotional and physical attraction. Which is more important depends on the person. I tend to notice looks first but I have such a wide range of what I consider attractive so it's almost like it doesn't matter, even if it does. Does that make any sense? My brain is fuzzy today....

[FrenchCanadian]

Of course look will matter. The think is that it is something that varies from one person to another. But then the personality will also matter just as much. It depends on what you will be looking for,,, if it's to achieve your biggest sexual fantasy then just go for the look. If you're looking for a relationship, then you'll need to find someone that will fall into the range of the people you find cute that will also have a matching personality...

[rckclimber27]

Of course they matter, but they shouldn't. Whenever we see someone in the news, on the street, in a club, we instantly think of how they look, what they are wearing, or how they are presenting themselves. It's unfortunate really. I say that because I have quite a few friends that I wouldn't have if I based my decisions solely on looks. But, the society we are in capitalizes on the skinniness of someone, or who has the bigger biceps. Long story short, yes, they matter. For me, personally, they matter for about the first five minutes...then after I actually start getting to know someone, it dawns on me that there is human being there and that looks will last only for a little while. I don't fall in love with looks...I fall in love with the person.

[JamesSavik]

If looks didn't matter, would Fergie have ever made it into the stupor-bowl halftime show to butcher sweet child of mine?

[TetRefine]

If looks didn't matter, would Fergie have ever made it into the stupor-bowl halftime show to butcher sweet child of mine?

 

Dare I say, will the half-time sink so low as to have Justin Bieber?

[Cyhort]

Dare I say, will the half-time sink so low as to have Justin Bieber?

 

It'll be a replay of the Janet Jackson incident with Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus. It'll be anyone's guess as to which one has the "malfunction" though....

[Zolia Lily]

ok, i'd agree with the majority of people who seem to be agreeing that looks matter, despite the fact that they shouldn't.

Except i'd like to raise the issue of how our looks impact upon ourselves, rather than how successful / attractive they make us out in the great wide world.

I went to highschool with 2 girls who had had plastic surgery by the end of school. They were under 18 when they had their respective procedures. According to everyone else, they were pretty girls and didn't need the procedures (nose job for one, jaw reshaping for the other). I was quite critical of one of the girls, until another friend (who was actually quite close to the girl) told me how badly the way she had perceived her own looks had impacted on her own self esteem. I'm still not exactly comfortable with the idea of plastic surgery etc (does it actually resolve an underlying esteem / confidence issues or merely supress or hide them?), but i do beleive that the way we look is important for the way we perceive and think about ourselves, and not just for getting jobs / attracting mates / friends... etc.

I'd also point out what my mum says (although this isn't a matter of ugly / pretty at all) - she always tells me to go out of the house as if i was going to see a friend, and that way i won't bump into someone i know and be embarassed to have put no effort into my appearance. For my mum, paying attention to your appearance is a form of self-respect, and that no one will respect you if you don't respect yourself.

 

 

[J_Ross]

Looks Do matter, absolutely...to a certain extent. Or rather, being attracted to the person matters. There are certain traits, beyond the physical, that people find attractive. Looks matter, for me, up to a point. I'm a firm believer that personality can make a person more attractive. There really is a 'new light' or something silly like that, that you start to see people in once you get to know them, sometimes. It's totally happened to me. At first sight? Not at all attracted, ready to move on to the next and count my blessings at having made a nice new friend...but then you start to get to know the friend and somehow, you forget that he/she was really not your type to start with because for whatever reason, there's attraction now and you have no idea how it got there.

 

On the flip side, sometimes it really doesn't matter how great the personality is, you're never going to WANT that way. Because Chemistry is also a big thing. Way bigger than looks. The looks are the....bait. Or something like that. I could go on with the fishing analogy but I'm kinda hopin' y'all follow without all that.

 

This is such an odd question, because everyone's taste differs. There's no one way to look to be attractive. People are attracted to all sorts of things. Every day, there'll be someone that I see while out...doing whatever, and I'll have absolutely no interest whatsoever, but my jaw drops when my best friend does a double take and gets all weak in the knees. Or, more often than not, I'll go a little crazy over someone no one understands why.

 

 

ALSO, and I think I'm just feeling chatty at this point, but however trite it may sound, it DOES REALLY MATTER WHAT YOU THINK OF YOURSELF. It's odd but a great deal of the time, I feel like I can see it...insecurity. I'm a people watcher (in the not creepy stalker way) and I've noticed that sooo many people, convinced that they have no redeeming qualities, actually DO shrink in on themselves. They frown more, don't take as much care with their appearance because they don't think it matters. They don't put themselves out there, don't broadcast the features that work for them. So...confidence? Also really matters.

 

I'm really not an optimistic person. I'm jaded and sarcastic and that's being kind, but I kind of don't believe I've ever seen someone that is absolutely ugly. Very far from what I'd go for? Sure. Everyone's a little shallow, but I generally think that that person that wasn't my type, will be someone elses. I don't believe anyone is hopeless. I HONESTLY believe that for the most part, people need to learn to work with what they were given.

 

On the grand scale, I think that looks only matter at the beginning. Being attracted matters but that has little to do with 'looks' IMHO. There are so many things that are more important. Looks may draw a person in to start, but that's not what's going to keep them coming around.

[Pai-kun]

Of course looks matter. But I think they matter in differing degrees and in different ways for different people. I myself am attracted to people with great confidence and presence. They can be "odd" looking, but they need to own it. I also expect everyone to do the best with what they've been given. Being "average" looking is far more than good enough to attract me, as long as the personalty, confidence and presence is strong. That being said, I of course have my limits as to what I can find attractive and can't.

[Skylights]

This has been bothering me for a bit.

 

I'm so in love with someone right now [and trying not to be, its complicated]. He's in my head [as in he realllllllllly understands me]. He's much older, however, [i dont see this as a negative, since I always tend to gravitate towards older people]. Initially, yeah okay i thought he was attractive looking . But He's not "my type" per se. It's like we have certain features we like for some reason while growing up and we seek those features out in other people. Many of the times we find people who are good looking and try to force the rest of the compatibility when looks can't make that happen, really. The compatibility has to be there first. Looks grow on you. You learn to appreciate physical features much more. And they don't even last anyway. Many people don't even realize it, but they tend to live the same relationship over and over, always thinking "there might be something better out there." But it's all about fulfillment. Finding someone who fulfills you in a larger, mental capacity.

 

Beautiful people can become ugly if they don't have a decent personality. Where as people who may not be your type get more beautiful because they themselves click with you.

Edited February 10, 2011 by Skylights

[AleMaho]

Well, some other members have already stated it.

Looks matter... to an extent.

Obviously, you are not going to be with someone YOU do not find attractive.

Because when it comes to looks and your relationship, what matters is your opinion.

Remember, "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder"

[West Coast Dude]

Well, some other members have already stated it.

Looks matter... to an extent.

Obviously, you are not going to be with someone YOU do not find attractive.

Because when it comes to looks and your relationship, what matters is your opinion.

Remember, "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder"

 

I tend to have this set of specifics in guys I am attracted to...and had this for years. Then a couple months ago I met a guy and I have to say what was hot was his personality, never would have checked him out or anything, if I saw him on the street or even at the pool.