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C James

Circumnavigation (99+39) Gobsmacked

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Gobsmacked is up! (it might take up to a minute after this post to appear).

 

This is actually two chapters, one after the other. Posted Image

 

Please let me know what you think be it good, bad, or mixed. Also, there's a lot in this chapter that hints at what's to come.

 

Also please note; the google map linked at the chapter top is interactive, so you can zoom it around to look at various spots or different areas. if you like,

 

BTW, I'm still working on replies to the other forum threads, e-mails, etc, so if I haven't replied to your post yet, I probably will soon. And THanks!!!

CJ Posted Image

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Thought this a 'feel good chapter' until read your remark about hints of what's to come. Enjoyed the story enormously, but looking forward to its conclusion now. The chapter deals a lot with family relationships, but one thing has bothered me for a while - the relationship between Trevor and his father. Thr rift between them started with mutual misunderstandings of their sexualities, and perhaps more recently the deception about Trev's mothers death. Have assumed that there will be a father and son reunion in the end, but in the meantime not seen much concern by his father at all the potentially fatal encounters which Trevor has encountered.

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Gidday Mate,

 

 

woo hoo now that's a better length chapter. XXXX is cause those aussies can spell beer, Says the Kiwi!!.

Those aussie boys probably should use a little more of that awesome colourful aussy slang, but there was a little thrown in.

that'd make them Dinky-di the real thing, genuine

 

http://www.koalanet.com.au/australian-slang.html

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Thought this a 'feel good chapter' until read your remark about hints of what's to come. Enjoyed the story enormously, but looking forward to its conclusion now. The chapter deals a lot with family relationships, but one thing has bothered me for a while - the relationship between Trevor and his father. Thr rift between them started with mutual misunderstandings of their sexualities, and perhaps more recently the deception about Trev's mothers death. Have assumed that there will be a father and son reunion in the end, but in the meantime not seen much concern by his father at all the potentially fatal encounters which Trevor has encountered.

 

Trevor and his father did sort things out, just after Trevor got to Australia. Dirk only has occasional appearances lately, but we do see more of him soon. At the moment, Dirk, like many characters, thinks the threat is basically over. They did talk at length after the Geraldton bombings too, but I didn't show it, I just mentined it on passing, half a sentence somewhere that would have been super easy to miss. This is a case where I should have probably covered it a little bit, the first couple of paragraphs at least. Thanks!!!

Gidday Mate,

 

woo hoo now that's a better length chapter. XXXX is cause those aussies can spell beer, Says the Kiwi!!.

Those aussie boys probably should use a little more of that awesome colourful aussy slang, but there was a little thrown in.

that'd make them Dinky-di the real thing, genuine

 

http://www.koalanet....lian-slang.html

 

One thing I've learned the hard way; some of the aussie slang in some of the sites like the one linked hasn't been used in many decades. Fortunately, Graeme speaks Australian very well indeed (he is one! :))

 

I have to be careful on the slang; most terms require an explainer. And if I say it wrong, Bonzer would stomp on my foot. ;-).

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Lovely chapter, much better pace! Glad Shane got to reunite with his friends and family before his untimely demise (because knowing you, we can soon add double digits to the body count).

 

Did notice this error:

 

There, with Atlantis serenely moored in the background, they – mainly Trevor, though Shane signed a few – signed autographs, and then Trevor began telling of a few parts of his Indian Ocean crossing, while mentioning his coming book often. With Atlantis serenely moored in the background and apparently unmanned, they signed autographs, and then Trevor began telling of a few parts of his Indian Ocean crossing, while mentioning his coming book often.

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Did notice this error:

 

There, with Atlantis serenely moored in the background, they – mainly Trevor, though Shane signed a few – signed autographs, and then Trevor began telling of a few parts of his Indian Ocean crossing, while mentioning his coming book often. With Atlantis serenely moored in the background and apparently unmanned, they signed autographs, and then Trevor began telling of a few parts of his Indian Ocean crossing, while mentioning his coming book often.

LOL. The goat needs to see his opthalmologist again...if he can find the way.

 

Posted Image

Edited by MikeL
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Another great chapter, as usual. While it's great that Rachel and all are there to see Trevor and Shane, it's all too convenient for Gray. That will lead to interesting developments.

 

As usual your writing is excellent. I would like to point out an editing error at the beginning of the chapter. In the paragraph where they are in Brisbane and they are talking about the City Botanical Gardens there is one sentence repeated. The chapter is:

 

The other event scheduled was at the City Botanic Gardens, so they made their way back to the Zodiac and roared off, heading back downriver, where they moored at the foot of the river cliff, a low escarpment on the riverside edge of the botanic gardens, where a lone police officer was waiting. There, with Atlantis serenely moored in the background, they – mainly Trevor, though Shane signed a few – signed autographs, and then Trevor began telling of a few parts of his Indian Ocean crossing, while mentioning his coming book often. With Atlantis serenely moored in the background and apparently unmanned, they signed autographs, and then Trevor began telling of a few parts of his Indian Ocean crossing, while mentioning his coming book often.

 

I'm looking forward to the next chapter. While this story is longer than many others it continues to be exciting and a must read.

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RobV & MikeL & Terry reported the repeated lines which were the only glaring errors I saw produced by CJ's whirlwind explosion of expository production.

 

It was a nice long chapter with some interesting filler. It was nice that Shane got to reconnect with his remaining family and friends and that Trevor got to meet them.

 

That both cats are now in Gray's plain sight and that he has assets and explosives ready to deploy is not a good thing.

 

Nothing was mentioned of Joel and his fiancee nor of what is happening half a world away. There are a ton of loose ends crying to be resolved and there are only 5 chapters left.

 

Bridget, Gray and his goons, the cartel and a certain busybody newspaper reporter are all poised for action and somehow, someway, I hope it all blows up in their faces without harming our heros.

Edited by Daddydavek

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It was a great chaapter and it's a wonderful tale. I'm so glad I discovered it and your writing.

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Yep, good chapter. Can't wait until you have Gray set up a mortar/gun battery onshore and shell Atlantis/Kookaburra, sending them to the bottom with all aboard. Or an alternate ending, where the Australian Navy engages the boats in a battle to the death. Followed by the big reveal - Ned's been dreaming the whole thing and wakes up in a shower stall, with Shane in the bedroom saying things like "Bobby, are you okay?"

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CJ: A great and lovingly long chapter. The Australian travelogue continues. Never knew about the Cairns Lagoon-beautiful and very creative.

 

I like Rickbgoh's comment "It was a great chapter and it's a wonderful tale. I'm so glad I discovered it and your writing." What a treat to discover this story when there are just a few more chapters to go. I, too, very much like your writing.

 

Well, this was an idyllic and scenic chapter (except for Gray's lurking presence). Now it's time to grab all those loose ends and knit them into long awaited explanations. We are all expecting spectacular and bloody deaths for Gray and Bridget. Certainly you have the creative spunk to exceed our expectations!

 

Thanks.

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A good chapter! The last few sometimes got a bit long, but this one was really good again - I think that is in part thanks to the new Motivation?

Although I think I have to reread a few chapters since I somehow have a feeling I'm missing sth. painfully obvious.

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Well, CJ, I found a few comma fault and run-on sentences in this chapter, as well as in 137. I don't remember seeing many in chapters before that, though. Maybe you're writing is so hot and heavy that the poor editors and such are having difficulty with finding them all.

 

Anyway, with such a great story, who am I to complain. Good job, well done.

 

Joe.

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Great chapter as always. Noticed you actually described cliffs, and hinted at the possible demise of Trevore, Shane, etc. How could I ever think you were capable of leaving us hanging week after week with cliffhangers?

 

I am so ashamed of myself (in monotone).

 

Enjoyed reading the boys were getting to do a abit of Canoodling (Kissing). Poor Trevor went without for way too long. lol

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Another great chapter, as usual. While it's great that Rachel and all are there to see Trevor and Shane, it's all too convenient for Gray. That will lead to interesting developments.

 

As usual your writing is excellent. I would like to point out an editing error at the beginning of the chapter. In the paragraph where they are in Brisbane and they are talking about the City Botanical Gardens there is one sentence repeated. The chapter is:

 

The other event scheduled was at the City Botanic Gardens, so they made their way back to the Zodiac and roared off, heading back downriver, where they moored at the foot of the river cliff, a low escarpment on the riverside edge of the botanic gardens, where a lone police officer was waiting. There, with Atlantis serenely moored in the background, they – mainly Trevor, though Shane signed a few – signed autographs, and then Trevor began telling of a few parts of his Indian Ocean crossing, while mentioning his coming book often. With Atlantis serenely moored in the background and apparently unmanned, they signed autographs, and then Trevor began telling of a few parts of his Indian Ocean crossing, while mentioning his coming book often.

 

I'm looking forward to the next chapter. While this story is longer than many others it continues to be exciting and a must read.

 

Thanks!!

 

That goof was made by me while prepping the chapter for posting (Well after any of my team had seen it, so they had no chance to stop it.). I ended up with two slightly differing versions of the same sentence. It now reads

With Atlantis serenely moored in the background and apparently unmanned, they signed autographs, and then Trevor began telling of a few parts of his Indian Ocean crossing, while mentioning his coming book often.

Thanks for the heads-up- that allowed me to fix it, and that makes the chapter better for everyone. I've added you to this chapter's writing credits as a way of saying thanks.

 

Maybe Gray was just happy to see the surprise reunion?? :)

 

Another great chapter. Love Trev/Shane dominant chapters. Looking forward to conclusion and hopefully the demise of Bridget!

 

We haven't heard much from Lisa and Joel lately; they are probably still being yelled at back in Florida. :)

 

RobV & MikeL & Terry reported the repeated lines which were the only glaring errors I saw produced by CJ's whirlwind explosion of expository production.

 

It was a nice long chapter with some interesting filler. It was nice that Shane got to reconnect with his remaining family and friends and that Trevor got to meet them.

 

That both cats are now in Gray's plain sight and that he has assets and explosives ready to deploy is not a good thing.

 

Nothing was mentioned of Joel and his fiancee nor of what is happening half a world away. There are a ton of loose ends crying to be resolved and there are only 5 chapters left.

 

Bridget, Gray and his goons, the cartel and a certain busybody newspaper reporter are all poised for action and somehow, someway, I hope it all blows up in their faces without harming our heros.

 

Some of this was winding up story threads... Shane's resolutions in Cairns, etc. Others were setup for other things, and also to enable to me to the tempo from here on out. I tried to keep Brisbane down to an absolute minimum, but three things happened there that had to be shown (might not be obvious what they are until next week) so I couldn't just mention the stop in passing.

 

We haven't seen Lisa and Joel in over a week of their time... I'm pretty sure Lisa's father isn't finished yelling at them yet. :)

 

It was a great chaapter and it's a wonderful tale. I'm so glad I discovered it and your writing.

 

Thanks!!

 

Yep, good chapter. Can't wait until you have Gray set up a mortar/gun battery onshore and shell Atlantis/Kookaburra, sending them to the bottom with all aboard. Or an alternate ending, where the Australian Navy engages the boats in a battle to the death. Followed by the big reveal - Ned's been dreaming the whole thing and wakes up in a shower stall, with Shane in the bedroom saying things like "Bobby, are you okay?"

 

The only shelling shall be of eggs. :P

 

CJ: A great and lovingly long chapter. The Australian travelogue continues. Never knew about the Cairns Lagoon-beautiful and very creative.

 

I like Rickbgoh's comment "It was a great chapter and it's a wonderful tale. I'm so glad I discovered it and your writing." What a treat to discover this story when there are just a few more chapters to go. I, too, very much like your writing.

 

Well, this was an idyllic and scenic chapter (except for Gray's lurking presence). Now it's time to grab all those loose ends and knit them into long awaited explanations. We are all expecting spectacular and bloody deaths for Gray and Bridget. Certainly you have the creative spunk to exceed our expectations!

 

Thanks.

 

I love chapters with happy endings, such as this one, where everyone is smiling at the end. :)

 

A great many loose ends will be wrapped up very shortly. :)

 

A good chapter! The last few sometimes got a bit long, but this one was really good again - I think that is in part thanks to the new Motivation?

Although I think I have to reread a few chapters since I somehow have a feeling I'm missing sth. painfully obvious.

 

The new motivation helped enormously! (Thank you everyone!!!) Without it, this chapter wouldn't be finished yet, plus I redid several parts, which I think helped them. I'm endeavoring to do more along these lines from here on out, and the pace definitely accelerates - a lot. It has to; it's the end of April 2007 in the story, it ends in August 2007, and we've only a few chapters left. :)

 

There were a lot of clues in this chapter, but I think the next one reveals all that was, and has been, going on behind the scenes.

 

I see evilness on the horizon. Still love the writing and story.

 

Let's just say the storm clouds are gathering, and the first distant rumbles faintly heard. :)

Well, CJ, I found a few comma fault and run-on sentences in this chapter, as well as in 137. I don't remember seeing many in chapters before that, though. Maybe you're writing is so hot and heavy that the poor editors and such are having difficulty with finding them all.

 

Anyway, with such a great story, who am I to complain. Good job, well done.

 

Joe.

 

Thanks!

 

I'm notorious for run-on sentences. Pity my poor editor and betas. I do try to avoid them, but I end up making a lot of run-ons and similar goofs anyway.

One thing I should mention; occasionally I'll violate the rules of grammar in dialog, including punctuations, to bring is closer to how I think it would be said. Other times though, I just goof.

My team works wonders, but I'm the last one to work on the chapters and get them posted, so any remaining errors are mine alone.

 

CJ :)

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Great chapter as always. Noticed you actually described cliffs, and hinted at the possible demise of Trevore, Shane, etc. How could I ever think you were capable of leaving us hanging week after week with cliffhangers?

 

I am so ashamed of myself (in monotone).

 

Enjoyed reading the boys were getting to do a abit of Canoodling (Kissing). Poor Trevor went without for way too long. lol

 

You should be ashamed of yourself!! To even think that I'd ever use a cliffhanger - inconceivable!! I'm shocked, Shocked I tell ya!!!! :P

 

Posted Image

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I must say another great chapter. Love to next the next to see what is going to happen to Briget and her motly followers. Take care till next time. Jim

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Posted Image ..................Great chapter goat! Okay, there were several hints.......... one Trevor's apparently unattended cat, two the locks needing lubricant, and three had the checked tracking test had gone a half hour earlier, Trevor would not been happy. It makes me wonder if they (Grey) can shut off the tracker at will, and was he tipped off of the test? Hmm, (Grundig?) That nosy reporter may force Trevor's departure faster then planned. Grey has all his ducks in a row, however Fowler is present and Trevor is soon to be armed, Grey can only get those explosives on board while out at sea, I remember Trevor being either lucky or a good shot. A bullet can do some major damage to a boat laden with explosives and gasoline. Again a great chapter!

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I can't believe that with all of the excellent observations form the postings that preceded me, that no one has thought to speculate on Shane's Aussie nickname? Or did I miss it?

 

I myself can't even begin to imagine what it might be...how about some speculation from those that have close familiarity with the ways of "Down-Under"?

 

Will the goat share the nickname? The holdout of the nickname is a coffee in it's own right? LOL

 

Thanks CJ for for letting us see Shane get some more light back into his life!

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I can't believe that with all of the excellent observations form the postings that preceded me, that no one has thought to speculate on Shane's Aussie nickname? Or did I miss it?

 

I myself can't even begin to imagine what it might be...how about some speculation from those that have close familiarity with the ways of "Down-Under"?

 

Will the goat share the nickname? The holdout of the nickname is a cliffy in it's own right? LOL

 

Thanks CJ for for letting us see Shane get some more light back into his life!

 

Posted Image ............It's probably simple like goatbutthead. Posted Image

Edited by Benji

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That's "Cliffie", not "coffee"... Dear God, Sometimes I hate the auto-correction feature...yes I know...I can shut it off.

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That's "Cliffie", not "coffee"... Dear God, Sometimes I hate the auto-correction feature...yes I know...I can shut it off.

 

You can edit it......... I did in my repy

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Here's our take...

 

We just love CJ's artistic, original, emotional and poignant writing... Defining time as the 'imperfect salve for the wounds of the soul' how true is that, I mean I could never come up with that verse in a million years. The gobsmacking walk we all got to take with Shane and Trevor up to Aunt Marilyn's house, it was like we the readers were there too, walking with the boys, anticipating the unknown surprise that awaited us all. It certainly sent a chill up my spine. The silent emotional bond that is developing between Trevor and Shane referred to at the cemetary and places beyond, this took a huge leap in this chapter. Getting to know Shane's former mates and feeling the happiness that friends bring. I don't know about you but to us there is much more here than just the words on paper, over the years these characters are part of our life, their joy is our joy, their pain is our pain. I trust CJ knows this and will never hold us hostage again!!. Knowing this writer, a feel good chapter like this may only portent a violent future, lets hope it's for you know who!!!...

 

Wednesday, November 14, 2012, the date of the eclipse in Cairns...I wonder, will the last chapter be out the day before? Then, sniff, we will only have our thoughts and the promise that Trevor made to Shane, to share the eclipse as Shane's mom would have wanted...

 

Maybe Shane's nickname should be CAAB for 'cruel and abusive bastard'...his favorite retort to any request from Trevor.

 

So, all in all, we LOVED this chapter, CJ you have your MOJO back!! Not that we could tell it was ever gone though... Thanks againPosted Image

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