Today at the Gym

[TetRefine]

Ahhh, how old is this guy your talking about?

[MarcW]

looking at him .. i would say in his min 20's (cradle snatching ? .. nah .. i always say you are as old as the person you feel - or feeling  as the case maybe  ) 

[TetRefine]

looking at him .. i would say in his min 20's (cradle snatching ? .. nah .. i always say you are as old as the person you feel - or feeling  as the case maybe  ) 

 

Lets be real here. Age matters in this world, and it matters immensely in the gay world. You are 48, he is 24-26. Unless you have a ton of money or are a smokin' hot daddy type, it probably won't happen. Just trying to be real with you. 

[Daddydavek]

Lets be real here. Age matters in this world, and it matters immensely in the gay world. You are 48, he is 24-26. Unless you have a ton of money or are a smokin' hot daddy type, it probably won't happen. Just trying to be real with you. 

 

Or, unless the him in question is a size queen and you are hung like a horse.....

[MarcW]

@ TetRefine - i totally understand what you are saying & am really ready to be put down / rejected by this lad - there isn't any delusions on my part - apart from the fantasy's in my mind that i'm enjoying at the moment (and yes i expect that's all they'll be) - what happens or not we'll see - one thing i want to make perfectly clear is the last thing that i would want to do is cause him embarrassment or to be uncomfortable - which is why when i was talking to him, and will do in the future, it is well away from prying ears - and this is also for my benefit as well as his - rumor mills are not good things especially if you don't control them.

 

@ Daddydavek - well i dont know about being hung like a horse - maybe looking like the backside of one (totally joking) 

i used to ride a lot when i was younger - a friend (which is a completely different story) had a couple and we used to go trekking most weekends

[mattster]

ok i know this isnt gonna sound good but i think its fun to to be flirty at the gym ...lifting your shirt to wipe sweat from your face and show off your chest, well usually seperates the straight from gay guys usually...and if interested in someone well i'm on the shy side so think just asking about something about the gym or if they could watch my form gets a conversation going

[JamesSavik]

I'll spot for you. 

[MarcW]

haven't written  anything in this tread for a while -- well he's gone MIA - did i spook him off just saying "Hello" ? (and YES that's all I did really say ! ) , who knows, but he comes to the gym no more 

 

I've been away a few times popping over to Europe for work the odd days (Frankfurt & Brussels) - trying to wrangle a trip to New York, but tomorrow up in the smoke that's London ...

 

oh well .. lesson learnt here is don't take so long to say "Hi" ...and dont spook them away (Halloween soon so where's the ghost emoticon ?)

 

oh well onwards and upwards 

[Graeme]

There's lots of reasons why he mightn't be there that have nothing to do with you As an example, I've just had five weeks away from my gym because of work and family commitments. Nothing to do with anyone who was there....

[JamesSavik]

I've skipped gym time for various reasons: the flu, recovering from another virus that's nearly impossible to spell and recovering from an encounter with a rabid dentist.

 

Anywhere from a week to a couple of months.

[MarcW]

ok .. sometimes i really hate myself .. well perhaps thats a bit strong , but i really could do with a right kick up the bum... He came back !

now the really stupid thing is - although he started his workout on the step machine next to the cycle i was using ... and i looked up at him acknowledging his present ... and knew exactly what i was going to say ( along the line of "welcome back, i thought we had lost you") - i didnt say anything ! ... this is bloody crazy... head, heart & the rest knows that nothing is going to happen (really really know - no silly butterfly's & bird tweets this time) - so why cant i just say a simple "hello" or something ? ... all the way through the session i was trying to force me to say something . nada .. once i do start chatting i've often been told i dont know how to stop ... but this is plain weird ...

 

crazy thing was in the changing room i was chatting away to a couple of other guys about his time in Kazakhstan & some of my colleagues were out there etc.. Cute guy comes past & i smile at him .. but again nada ... come on .. your just looking plain stupid now...

oh well .. thanks for allowing the rant ..      

[Celethiel]

straights can have just as hard a time talking to someone they find attractive as gay people....

*shrugs*

[SolarMaxx]

I'm my gym was all gay men, I'd be divorced in a heartbeat

Hahaha -- I never thought about what percentage of members in my gym are gay! I wonder if I'm better off not knowing?

[Caz Pedroso]

I've just read this whole post and I've got to say it's like reading a great story, it doesn't need any one to write it, it is already written.

 

Lot's of people have trouble talking to people they find atteactive, but one thing I would urge is try not to waste any more time.

 

I spent weeks once getting up the courage to ask a young man out, only to be beaten there by another girl.

 

Bite the bullet or try the oops method. You could bump into him accidently so you have to appologise or drop something as he passes so he has to be a gentlemen and pick it up for you?

 

Just some ideas. Trust me they worked for a few men I've known over the years. ;-)

[SolarMaxx]

Lets be real here. Age matters in this world, and it matters immensely in the gay world. You are 48, he is 24-26. Unless you have a ton of money or are a smokin' hot daddy type, it probably won't happen. Just trying to be real with you.

 

I agree, age does matter in any society that places a premium on youth and beauty, for better or worse. But why would it matter "immensely" in the "gay world" as opposed to being equally as important in any other sector of society?

[Caz Pedroso]

I agree, age does matter in any society that places a premium on youth and beauty, for better or worse. But why would it matter "immensely" in the "gay world" as opposed to being equally as important in any other sector of society?

Although i agree age matters to society it shouldn't matter to a couple if they really feel they belong together. When you find the right person you shouldn't care what other people think you just think about how you both think and feel.

 

Nothing else should matter be it; age, race, religion or any combination of them.

 

My friend was married at 19 to a man of 50. Everyone was shocked but they were very happy together and he really cared well for her and her for him. He died years later and she was devastated.

Edited November 13, 2014 by Cazpedroso

[SolarMaxx]

Although i agree age matters to society it shouldn't matter to a couple if they really feel they belong together. When you find the right person you shouldn't care what other people think you just think about how you both think and feel.

Nothing else should matter be it; age, race, religion or any combination of them.

My friend was married at 19 to a man of 50. Everyone was shocked but they were very happy together and he really cared well for her and her for him. He died years later and she was devastated.

I'm not saying that superficial attributes SHOULD be a cultural imperative -- but the fact is, in the eyes of the vast majority living in most western-world societies -- they are! I'm not clear on why the importance varies between social sectors, but apparently it does! I agree that, by definition, when people fall in love surface qualities become less important -- and that's as it should be. But I have admit I personally wouldn't want to grapple with a twenty year age gap -- younger or older -- in a relationship. I honestly don't have a problem with couples who choose it, but I'm way too lazy and insecure to want it for myself -- it just sounds like a hatching-disaster!

 

It would be a wonderful world if we could all value each other primarily for character, virtue and inner beauty. I hope someday humanity evolves into that -- say in the next 40 years or so, when I'm seventy and needing an edge!

Edited November 13, 2014 by SolarMaxx

[WestcliffWriter]

I'm excited for you! Hope it works with the wee pressie.

[TetRefine]

I agree, age does matter in any society that places a premium on youth and beauty, for better or worse. But why would it matter "immensely" in the "gay world" as opposed to being equally as important in any other sector of society?

Because gay culture is obviously male dominated, and therefor sex dominated. Men like younger people for sex, whether they be gay or straight. But when you take out any female influence, the whole age factor just gets amplified. I have spent enough time in bars and clubs to see that youth and beauty is worshipped in gay culture.

[zaf89]

Because gay culture is obviously male dominated, and therefor sex dominated. Men like younger people for sex, whether they be gay or straight. But when you take out any female influence, the whole age factor just gets amplified. I have spent enough time in bars and clubs to see that youth and beauty is worshipped in gay culture.

Generally I agree with you. Though there are those of us who find nothing sexier than an older bear-type gentleman .

[SolarMaxx]

Because gay culture is obviously male dominated, and therefor sex dominated. Men like younger people for sex, whether they be gay or straight. But when you take out any female influence, the whole age factor just gets amplified. I have spent enough time in bars and clubs to see that youth and beauty is worshipped in gay culture.

OK -- I can follow that reasoning. I don't think I've ever thought about it that way before. I've never been to a gay bar, but I have seen the youth-dynamic play out elsewhere -- mostly among guys! If I'm really honest about it, I may have even been guilty of it myself when I was still in college!

[Graeme]

Because gay culture is obviously male dominated, and therefor sex dominated. Men like younger people for sex, whether they be gay or straight. But when you take out any female influence, the whole age factor just gets amplified. I have spent enough time in bars and clubs to see that youth and beauty is worshipped in gay culture.

While I agree with your reasoning (and, keeping this relevant to the thread, it's also probably true with gyms), I have to point out that in many places bars and clubs are their own culture. I remember speaking to a gay guy in Sydney who avoids the heart of the gay district because the culture there isn't something he likes. His comment was that things were very shallow there. He prefers to be part of an out gay couple in the suburbs where the culture is different.

 

For gay bar and club culture, I would agree with your statement. For gyms, I think it's probably true, too. For the wider community, I think it's not as strong.

[TetRefine]

It is entirely possible my environment and age skew my perception. I live in a major city with a sizeable gay population and a thriving gay bar/club scene. I also go to a gym where the majority of the guys there are gay and under 35. So maybe all those factors combine to give me a narrower perception.

Edited November 13, 2014 by TetRefine

[MarcW]

It is entirely possible my environment and age skew my perception. I live in a major city with a sizeable gay population and a thriving gay bar/club scene. I also go to a gym where the majority of the guys there are gay and under 35. So maybe all those factors combine to give me a narrower perception.

lol ... i think i might move

[Graeme]

I think it all gets down to "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". For those who go to a gym, I think there's a bias toward beauty being strongly related to physical fitness and body shape.

 

For those who go to bars/nightclubs, I think there's a similar initial bias because to attract attention they need to stand out. Afterwards, though, and in other settings, additional factors (like personality) can come into play, but they usually require having made contact first. In a bar/nightclub that initial contact is based on appearance. In other settings, it can a wide variety of factors (such as a shared interest in reading gay fiction at GA )