[Jack Frost] Moving On

[C James]

Great chapter!

 

I am very intregued by the multilingual aspect, and I think you are doing it very well indeed. It really adds a unique feel to the story. I much prefer the way you are handling the translations here (in parenthesis after the French) instead of at the bottom of the chapter.

 

I do agree with CaptainRick, teens do tend to use contractions in speech.

 

Steph did "fess up" to Ben, which pleased me. He's only been "aware" a day, so I think he's doing really great!

 

I was a bit surprised at first at Ben's statement about Step's Ass, however, then I remembered that Teens often say outrageous things and it fit perfectly.

 

Great job, oh Frosty one!!

[Jack Frost]

Thanks for your replies guys!

 

Now let me comment on some points you've just brought up.

 

 

Contractions. Geez, do I look contractionphobic to you guys (am I Sharon?) I've always been a pro-contractions in stories. So don't shoot me, I write what I always speak in everyday language.

 

Steph did "fess up" to Ben, which pleased me. He's only been "aware" a day, so I think he's doing really great!

Oh did he? Though he hasn't given Ben a clear answer.

 

I remembered that Teens often say outrageous things and it fit perfectly.

Not just teens, I am very known to say outrageous things. Just ask my boyfriend, he'll agree with me so much.

 

Keep in mind, I'm 21...I'm no longer a *teenager*, but I recently just got out of the teenage years, so I'm rather new to being 20 something. I still act like a teenager in some ways...sooo. I'm no stranger yet.

[C James]

Thanks for your replies guys!

 

Oh did he? Though he hasn't given Ben a clear answer.

Well, not exactly, but he did indicate that "he didn't know himself", plus, as they say, actions speak louder than words.

I think he at least left a very clear impression that he's not 100% straight.

 

Not just teens, I am very known to say outrageous things. Just ask my boyfriend, he'll agree with me so much.

 

Keep in mind, I'm 21...I'm no longer a *teenager*, but I recently just got out of the teenage years, so I'm rather new to being 20 something. I still act like a teenager in some ways...sooo. I'm no stranger yet.

I do like the "real feel" of the story, the characters are very convincing. I also very much liked Step's facing of various issues, such as the cutting. Well done!!

 

I am however deeply disturbed by your utterly unrealistic and unnatural portrayal of the lake: You have water in it! Water? In a lake? That's just wrong, man!

[sat8997]

Contractions. Geez, do I look contractionphobic to you guys (am I Sharon?)

No, you're not. Your contraction usage totaled 30 in Chapter 4. Some of them were even in French.

 

Sharon

[Jack Frost]

I am however deeply disturbed by your utterly unrealistic and unnatural portrayal of the lake: You have water in it! Water? In a lake? That's just wrong, man!

It gets worse...it actually has ice too.

 

No, you're not. Your contraction usage totaled 30 in Chapter 4. Some of them were even in French.

French contractions are mandatory...there are no options leaving them out, or it would be incorrect.

[sat8997]

French contractions are mandatory...there are no options leaving them out, or it would be incorrect.

Notice my signature?? French isn't my language. And knock that count down to 27 if you're going to get technical.

 

Sharon

[Xiao_Chun]

Very cute chapter; I loved it. All that French talk is soo

[C James]

Very cute chapter; I loved it. All that French talk is soo

[Bondwriter]

Fun story and entertaining characters. If I may put him my little two cents in on the bilingual aspect, you could just have quotation marks for the translation after having the French in italics. Not extremely familiar with Qu

Edited December 4, 2006 by Bondwriter

[Jack Frost]

I have to admit I am not a native speaker of French. If you see any mistakes, I would appreciate you pointing them out...even you are not sure whether it's a Quebecois way of speaking or not...better to point it out than nothing.

[Bondwriter]

It's in your mail box. I hope it may be of some help.

[captainrick]

hope another chapter coming soon? Huh? Please, pretty please with sugar? I'll post one tomorrow if you will.

 

Rick

[Jack Frost]

I'm a little stuck with the moving and the job hunt. Usually I only have the computer to myself for couple hours at the most late in night. Heh...so I dunno when the next one will come. :wacko:

[Jack Frost]

Eh bien, j'ai commenc

[Xiao_Chun]

This is a good news Jack. I miss your story.

 

Happy New Year,

Michael.

Edited January 4, 2007 by Xiao_Chun

[C James]

Eh bien, j'ai commenc

[Bondwriter]

Eh bien, j'ai commenc

[Jack Frost]

Ah voyons donc! Pourquoi t'as fait

[sat8997]

I guess Sharon should stop goofing off and go check her inbox.

[Bondwriter]

Ah voyons donc! Pourquoi t'as fait

[Jack Frost]

Oh tu aimes le qu

[Jack Frost]

Tata!

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewsto...4&chapter=5

 

[C James]

Tata!

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewsto...4&chapter=5

 

ITS UP!

 

GREAT chapter Jack! I think I see what the title means, too.

 

Glad to see things are coming together for the guys, and that encounter with Mom had me laughing at the end.

 

I also see an opening for a French Tutor!

[Bondwriter]

Nice chapter. I like the humor in it, and Steph should get someone to help him out for his French class as Cjames pointed out. But who could possibly tutor him? Let me guess... Oh yeah, this could work! But will it be serious studying?

[Jack Frost]

Nice chapter. I like the humor in it, and Steph should get someone to help him out for his French class as Cjames pointed out. But who could possibly tutor him? Let me guess... Oh yeah, this could work! But will it be serious studying?

You just gave me an idea. I needed that.

 

I dunno who could tutor him...I know it's not you!!!

 

 

 

 

And thanks CJ...I'll catch up with your story later.