MichaelS36

We get busy, and the better things in life slip by when we are dealing with the necessary. I think you're right we need to make something happen. Make time for the things we love to do. I do believe it's possible. I think also that not all accomplishments are things we'll see immediately. Seeds we plant today may take time to come to fruition. I hope you will find time for things you love in life, Mac. All the best in 2018.

You know we could be having a hugely different conversation here. I have to say I am glad I didn't find bitterness or anger. Instead you both looked for a good outcome. you understood my position and reasons.

This blog is more about BDSM and D/s from my sub, tim and his conversation with a fellow sub molly's, perspective. Many of you know molly and she is the sub belonging to her Sir, Phil. These two met on GA, when no one they knew were ‘out’ as submissives. For a long time tim wasn’t, he hid this from people but grew tired of hiding. When he opened the Drop in Centre, he asked me for permission to come out, and though I had some reservations, I gave it. You’ve heard a lot from me and MacGreg also about how we ‘became’ Doms, or how we knew, but we don’t hear from our subs much. The other day tim lost his self control, he embarrassed and angered me, and also caused Mac to have to speak to him. That type of behavior I cannot just let go, I had to address it, which I did. This was discussed in the previous blog thread. molly and tim talk … A LOT … and at some point mentioned to Mac they’d been talking. Mac, I understand wondered about the subs perspective. That comment got these two thinking and they asked me, Mac and Phil if they could offer up a recent conversation they’d had. It takes place after tim had been disciplined by me. To set minds at rest, there’d been no physical discipline other than me removing tim’s collar. Most of it is loss of privileges as tim explained in the previous blog thread. (The conversation that follows has been edited slightly. These two have their own language!) **Because of health issues, and meds, that tim and molly have, Phil and I are both rather watchful about these two and their eating. Much to their dismay at times! So they talk about food often. So with all permissions in place, and explanations done, here is a recent Hangouts conversation: T: You don’t have to (chat) if you're watching something hun M: Phil Sir is so funny, He ran to the store to get something with Tori and came back with all kinds of healthy things for me to eat T: oh like what? M: oh, if i don't do this while watching the movie, i'll be asleep in a heartbeat! T: still tired? M: He brought avocados, deli sliced turkey, my favorite sandwich rolls, and some french onion dip and chips T: oh nice M: no, not really tired, it just happens when i watch movies T: oic i'm gonna try to stay up for another hour.. oh man i'm tired M: well, it should be slow T: what is slow..LOL besides me lol M: work, tomorrow T: oh yes.. maybe.. we'll see … oh! Sir went to the kitchen and put the kettle on.. i said i'll look after that, Sir. He said, "tim, relax, I'm not looking for a Stepford sub. I'm here, I'll do it." M: He really is something else T: He is ... He said “Just do as I ask you. But you're not my slave, boy." M: at this point, i know, it's hard not to jump at every movement and want to do everything T: He came in from the other room. i know.. i feel like i should do everything … M: I’m familar with that feeling T: do you feel that way all the time? M: there was one time, i made Phil Sir really mad, like, He actually yelled at me. I can’t remember now what privileges i lost at that point i didn’t have many privileges i have now. i just remember the feeling of being on pins and needles for days. No, i don’t feel that way all the time unless i’ve messed something up. T: wow … i can’t believe Phil sir would yell at you. M: it hasn’t happened in years. We were still in Colorado and we moved back here when Daughter started 6th grade and she’s a senior now. T: OIC … don’t think Michael has yelled at me. He doesn’t seem to be a yeller. He usually goes quiet and is kinda scary when He’s upset. M: Phil Sir doesn’t usually yell either, but i felt very small. i don’t remember why it happened, only how i felt. Never, ever want that feeling again. T: no … hugs … its not a good place to be M: no it’s not. And it’s why i want to do everything i can to help you now because i *KNOW* T: thank you! …. last night when i was so angry, after i said what i did to you, i PMd Mac Sir. While what i said wasn’t directed at Him, it was a rant filled with a lot of swearing. His reply was short and He suggested I talk to Sir about Respect. i wanted to crawl under a rock …. M: Yeah, a big rock! T: Yeah … man …. M: Soooooo… you were talking about making the muesli so you could put it in the fridge At night for breakfast? Did you get a chance to do that? T: yes.. i bought ten containers... i'll set them up once a week for us both. M: oh good! do you have one for tomorrow (edit: tomorrow was New Year’s Eve Day) T: yeah 😀 M:good! T: i dont have to think about what to eat now… M: i like that in the morning since i don't like to eat then anyway if it's a grab and go thing, so much the better T: yeah you can take it if you want.. M: lol! want? no i'd have to take it T: you yes.. Me? yes or no..lol M: lol! T: 😀 M: still awake? (it was later in the evening) T: yes.. i was given a nice cup of tea M: 😀 T: This, Sir making this tea, .. makes me feel like i've been taking Sir for granted in a way.. does that make sense. M: yes totally cause here He is doing this seemingly small thing for you because in this situation, it's like so obvious what He/They do for us is that what you are feeling? T: yes and i feel like i've only been halfway here all this time (tim means in our relationship) M: it's been a year full of growth for you, hasn't it? T: has it? .. i feel i haven't been reading the same script as Sir ... and now i've been knocked back to start over with this correction. . and this time i want to do it right M: i really think it has been, you've come out, again, you've knocked down some of the trust walls, wearing short sleeves in public, the special project, the ropes, the piercings T: yeah i did that .. and there were moments where i felt this closeness during those times... but this correction, this discipline makes me feel i’m really His.. really connected M: sometimes, it takes something like this to make us see these things T: yeah you're right. i was starting to see.. to trust Him ... but now, now i really need to trust Him, and hear Him. And removing my collar, He's taken away my security.. He has it M: tim He's always been "it" it's hard though sometimes we want to do it ourselves T: yes … yes… but i didn’t see it i've had to do it myself.. to survive there was only me. well jeff, but he'd sell me out whenever it suited him M: and we forget, or deny, that They are our strength i didn't have a jeff, but my mom always compared me to my sister even as adults T: i’m glad you didnt have a ‘jeff’ M: mine was a different kind of survival, but survival of the self nonetheless T: yes.. only circumstances are different.. the mental thing is the same M: yes it is so we need to remember that our Sirs, our Doms are in this position because we need, crave, that strength and at the same time, because we've had to be strong in the past, it can be hard to give it up (Here molly posted a picture. It's her current avatar. I can't post it here but it says:) Sometimes a submissive is a STRONG person looking for someone STRONGER. T: when i was on the street. all i wanted was someone to take me off it.. someone who would really look after me M: i can totally understand that T: Michael didn't rescue me.. i did … well being nearly dead did Sir came later but He saw something .. and i felt it and i fought it a long time in some ways but i think...i think i finally get it M: this life we lead, it is a never ending journey of self discovery T: i need to remember that M: and i don't mean to say that life itself isn't also, but i think because we live the way we do, it's just MORE T: yeah you're right it is more ... it is real, and amazing, and it's honest i can be who i am .. and Sir can be who He is and you can and Phil Sir M: there can really be no hiding in our lives, He needs to know if i've had a bad day, so that if He asks me to do something, i'm in the right place emotionally i think, in other relationships, hiding that shit is easier T: yeah i guess it would be... in other relationships i could not be who i am M: and how utterly miserable men like Phil and John Sir, and Michael Sir would be T: yeah. They couldn’t really be what they are, at least not fully I don’t think M: i love being able to talk about this with you T: me too M: 💓 T: love you too i think this is what our Sirs hoped for our sub PM somewhat M: i'm sure it was, and i'm sorry that it didn't work, it'd be nice to have other voices, but i'm eternally grateful that you reached out in the PM T: me too M: what time will you have to be up for work tomorrow? T: oh i could sleep in until 7am i get up early for some time alone M: sorry was distracted by dogs and teens T: 😀 no worries M: well i'll be bundled off to bed soon, just had one of those big jaw cracking yawns, caused Phil to look at me with a raised eyebrow lol! T: yeah.. you get some rest i'll head off too, Sir gave me the arched eyebrow emoji M: LOL! T: hehe M: that emoji! ok we'll both get some rest T: yeah that..lol i'll see you tomorrow.. thanks i really needed this M: anytime T: 😀 M: it was good for me too to put it all into words T: that’s good.. see you tomorrow.. nite nite M: tomorrow then, rest well (That was Saturday night.. they are still talking Sunday morning….tim is already at work) M: hi hope you rested last night and that today at work it's quiet T: hiya yeah after bawling in Sir's arms i slept great i hope you did too.. sleep i mean M: aww hugs T: He was telling me what was gonna and not gonna happen over the next few weeks.. i was already emotional.. He did have me wake Him so He could drive me into work today. M: i did sleep pretty good. i saw that He drove you to work T: He'll get me if He can.. if not He said take an uber "I do not want you out in that cold, tim!" M: yeah, you don't need to be waiting on a bus in this so, it was an emotional conversation at bedtime? T: i was emotional all night really.. and when He started to tell me all the details of His discipline, i couldn’t hold it together, but He just hugged me and said, “you know why.” Well yes i do. Sigh M: it's going to be a long couple of weeks T: yes it is. and the stuff you and i had been talking about made me feel that way too.. and i was telling Him about that. M: what did He say? i hope He didn't think i was meddling T: No.. He said He was happy to hear some serious discussion. He said he was happy that i felt i was on the same page He is. And that i'm finding some meaning during this correction period. He said, its discipline boy, not punishment, I hope you understand the difference. M: sometimes, in the middle of correction, it is hard to see the difference though isn't it? T: right now .. i don’t feel like its punishment i know what i did and i know Sir had to address it. He couldnt just let it go i know there are consequences T: i'm not unhappy really.. just missing a few things.. He said, “About your collar, we'll see how things are going and i'll consider things on the 12th of January.” That's the day before our D/s anniversary celebration. M: it's nice to have a firm date for a goal! T: Yes He knows i want my collar back and especially for then I can do anything for 12 days M: yes you can! So there we have it...one of their typical chats...there are some good points made. I think it shows us they love who they are and how we live. There is no anger in tim about what's happened and molly is prepared to support him. They look for the good, see the why's and they are respectful and interested in discovery. I'm proud of them both. Questions and observations are always welcome. M

Well I'm going to say something. Your anger is righteous. You have been treated unfairly once again. So I understand the reason you wrote this. So yes, I will say something. M

Things can happen to cause set-backs to subs. This occurred last night. I understand tim's anger to an e-mail he read, in my opinion it was a reasonable response. However, it's what followed in the aftermath that I had to address. I've asked tim to write out what has occurred. We are discussing life within BDSM in this blog. This is part of it. My decisions, and my discipline may seem harsh but these choices are carefully considered and not made in anger. I am posting this for tim: i messed up everything last night. Here i was saying things were going so well, and let my anger last night get the best of me. i ended up being disrespectful to two Sirs who are very important to me; my Husband Michael Sir, and @MacGreg Sir. It wasn’t the anger i felt, it was my lack of self-control, and how i dealt with it. i have apologized to both of Them, but I do so again here. i apologize, Michael Sir and Mac Sir for my poor self-control, and my lack of respect. I will do better, Sirs. Because of this i lost privileges, i’d earned. i am not welcome to call Michael Sir by His name, for now i must call Him, Sir. In addition He has taken my Collar, until He feels i deserve it back. It's a consequence of my behavior. The Collar not given to a sub lightly. It is a symbol of commitment. Sir does not mean that this boy is no long His, He means this as a reminder; i have an emotional attachment to mine. It is part of who i am. It is a reminder that Sir deemed me ready and worthy to wear His. While it feels awful not to be wearing it, i understand why. i will do what Sir says to earn His trust and belief in me. i also have a tightening of the rules at home, which is deserved. i trust in Sir’s judgement and decisions and will work hard to prove that i am the sub, He deserves to have. i am a reactive person, last night reading something that angered me; i saw red and nothing else. i don’t know how to stop being this way, but I will try.

A charming tale. There is friendship and love and the contents of a Christmas Cracker! You won't be sorry reading this lovely story.

Both of these are lovely boy. The second, well you should know by now I am aware of your moods, your mind set and worry. Never be afraid to come to me. My job is to help you and protect you, never be afraid to let me know if you need me. xo

The recent changes have been good, boy. you know this as we have talked about it. The fact you come to me to talk is a big change for you. Our dynamic feels different. With respect to the collar, you earned it and you fight to keep it, there is a difference in that we are married. But expectations are that you remain focused, obedient and subservient. I am pleased with the changes tim. you are aware of the goals I've set for us. They will challenge you, boy. But I have faith in you.

Thank you dughlas for being open to reading about it. I am always happy to answer questions, so is MacGreg, as long as they are serious ones.

Exactly. People think it's all about sex, whips and chains. They watch too much porn labeled as BDSM. Like any relationship D/s is something you must work on. I am quite sure while tim is focused, obedient and subservient to me, there are days where he'd like to tell me to bugger off. He's human. But he'll tell me, come to me and we'll talk about it. We'll talk about why he feels this way, because it's not in his nature to. tim and I have been together since 2008. he wears my collar. he didn't come to me as an experienced sub and I wasn't a terribly experienced Dom. it's not been a perfect journey, but he is a joy, he loves who and what he is. We have learned and grown together. I wouldn't change a thing.

Much appreciated. Thank you for reading and leaving your comments.

No, it's not a choice. I didn't wake up one day thinking, I think I'll be a dominant top and find a sub. Nor did I think that about being a sadist. I am not violent, but I do need to hurt. You discover these things as you go through life, as I'm sure you have discovered things about yourself. Thanks, Kitt.

Thank you, Reader.

It comes from a well respected medical magazine. I'll be happy to share the link with you. My first question after reading it was: "Did this person even talk to someone in the Life? At all?" I would happily discuss this with you until the cow come home. Thanks, Mac.

I hope it does. BDSM is either viewed as a perversion or through cheesecloth, with subs in flowing silks. Neither of them are close to the truth.

I hope so Parker. I appreciate your open mind.

You know boy. I was rather riled up when I read that. I had to say something.

First of all this is no attack on how you or anyone else chooses to live, that is up to each of us to decide. This blog is simply an answer to a few things I read in an article the other day. It called itself an introduction to the BDSM lifestyle. I found much of it offensive, rather like most looks at our lifestyle are. What did I read? · That submissives feign their subservience. · That Dominant tops only act dominant, because we need to be nurturing and loving. · That subs are in charge. · That Doms never take their subs farther than their spoken limits. What do I think of those four statements? I’ll use a polite term to answer; ridiculous. BDSM is not a game, nor is it about sex, for many there is zero sex involved. It is not something we who live and love this life would pretend! Those four statements angered and frustrated me. I live the BDSM lifestyle 24/7. My sub does also. He is my boy; he is subservient to me in all things. His focus is me; he is obedient to me and the other Doms in his life. He trusts me with his mind, and his body. He doesn’t pretend this. Why would he? My boy is subservient because it is natural for him to be, if I had an inkling of pretense, we would not be together. He needs what a Dominant offers; love, protection, and security and fulfillment of his needs. That is not to say, he offers nothing. He does. I need to be dominant, to control, and in my case, I am also a sadist, so I have a need to hurt, but not abuse. But, and this is a huge thing, I am also loving and nurturing. Our subs are human with needs and desires, they need their Doms to look after them. We are all complex and I can be all things to my boy. I can tell you now, I am in charge. Perhaps at the very start when you first meet, you are careful not to push too hard. Like any relationship you spend time together, learn about each other’s true natures. The submissive needs to learn about the Dom, just as we need to learn about them. However, my boy is also my husband, and decisions are still mine; about our life, about our car, or the budget, when we eat, his piercings, what he wears, etc. I do ask for his thoughts on things and we talk, and laugh a lot. He is happy. I make sure of it. But final decisions rest with me. This myth that subs are in charge is laughable, because true submissives do not want to be in control, they want to give it up. They want someone else to take it away. And if I hear again that my boy’s submission is a gift, I’ll break something. His submission may not be a gift, however he is, all of him. His submission, his obedience, and his belief and trust in me are precious to me. He essentially trusts me with his life, his happiness to some extent, his fulfillment also. He needs the safety I offer and the love. He wants for little. When it comes to our BDSM play or scenes, I do listen to my boy, but usually I know before he can speak where his head is, whether the planned scene is the right thing. And they will often want to please you, so will try and hide the truth and their true feelings. You must watch for this and if you have even the smallest doubt things are not as they should be, you must not go on. This is a time for discovery, for discussion, your own needs and desires must be put to one side. And about limits. People have them. Submissives have them. Doms may also have them. There are things I do not do, will not do; those are limits. My boy has them, and I do respect them, but some of them I want to change, because I want it to. He knows this. And yes, I am playing on his need to please me. So I push. I ask him to give me what I want. I ask him to take more pain, or wait longer, to hold that position. I ask him to trust me. And I am careful because I know, I know, he will not refuse me. I am also careful because there are things he wants, that are not good for him. That could hurt him badly. He likes to be challenged. However he is fragile as well and I must be so careful with his state of mind. Again, these are times for discussion, frank and honest talk, to discover and learn. Trust, obedience and focus are the big three, with trust being the most important, in my opinion. If there is trust, obedience and focus come more easily. That said, trust can also be the hardest to achieve. How quickly it comes depends on much. What the sub brings in way of baggage, their background, past relationships, physical and mental health, all affect how quickly they will come to trust you. As the Dom, I have to be consistent, I have to be available, in other words, I have to be trustworthy. My sub needs to know he can count on me. But we are human, prone to errors, and I have made them, though I aim not to. And my boy, showed his strengths then, when I needed him to. And so did our small community on GA, when they gathered around him to hold him up, when I could not. In closing, the article that prompted this blog, frustrated me. I love our lifestyle. It is based on trust and honest communication. I do not fake who I am or what I am and neither does my sub. Nor do the other Doms and subs I know. We all offer something; fulfill each other, and the majority of us in long term real BDSM relationships stay that way. To stay safe, happy and fulfilled in our lifestyle, you need to communicate and you need to be honest. We feign nothing. **************

Mac, this is wonderful. Very well written. A powerful and moving Christmas story.

tim this is a great story .. perfect for this time of year and for the city in which we live. We are accepted here, I can take you out, holding your hand without it being a spectator sport or anyone else's business. Would it was the same for all of us.

I liked this one, AC!

Lovely tim. We'll get it done!

tim and I listened. Glorious. I'd love to see him play this piece. Thank you AC, for this musical advent calendar. ..I look forward to more.

Sometimes looking inward is good. But not for too long ... welcome back from me, also.

tim, a charming, funny story and something you let me read beforehand as is my Husbandly right I believe! LOL Seriously, I did enjoy reading this, nicely done. Your imagination is a wonderful place. I'm sure you mentioned unicorns and rainbows.. is that next, boy?