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lawfulneutralmage

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Everything posted by lawfulneutralmage

  1. Finally a MC who is not young, fit etc...! Thx!
  2. lawfulneutralmage

    Chapter 1

    Somehow, my desire to get promoted has subsided...singing and dancing... Great story, thx!
  3. I just would not know what to write about. Stuff I have written so far was based on role-playing games i.e. I had something tangible thing to tell.
  4. lawfulneutralmage

    Chapter 1

    That was really good, thank you.
  5. I wondered what the items were andvreally did not think of books. Well done!
  6. Well done, very intensive!
  7. My congrats to the authors. I just can not write something by prompt, so respect!
  8. Very well written, you brought the village to life, I just wonder, have the Pactrids never had any other Human prisoners before or were they never interrogated? The transporters would have come up before...
  9. Do you get an error message? What is the symptom?
  10. LOL, yeah... In that case, the idea of communist revolution sounds a reasonable course of action.
  11. Honestly, even on the danger of repeating myself as I asked the same question on another story proposal, why are the MC's so young? Give them ten years and you can do a really great adventure. The world sounds really interesting, but this really doesn't work for me with these stats. The kids are really not relatable for me.
  12. What about looking at modern livestock's situation? The difference between bio-farming and factory farming where the animal never see the sunlight is enormous. Try getting some material about cows are treated and replace "cow" with "chattel" and use that as descriptive text. There maybe "chattel" rights people. The chattel doesn't know it should be treated differently. I would not like to life forever. Imagine working forever ... ugh...
  13. I get that, but does it need to be a love story between chattel and owner? Could it not be a father/son one and a love relationship where the MC needs to convince a fellow of the righteousness of his actions? I ca not relate to characters that young.
  14. Why should the MC be so young? Add ten years and let him have experience in "the business".
  15. Same here. For me it was a Robert A Heinlein book, the Martian or something like that. A Human child who was raised by Martians returns to Earth as young adult. Because they have no water, their most holy ritual is the "sharing of the water". In the book, a character explained that the Martian would probably try homosexual acts, but never share the ritual with those people as they were not worthy or something like that. Anyway, at that point, the book ended up in pieces.
  16. lawfulneutralmage

    Chapter 13

    Most likely it is. He gave it up for medical reasons... And there go their dreams down the drain. The medical bills will be ... prohibitively expensive.
  17. Many thanks! I really like your world building, I can feel with Callum. Looking forward to read more, next chapter maybe tonight.
  18. Same. This is a good start. I must remember this: My reading list just becomes longer and longer.
  19. Will we really go through the whole periodic table?
  20. lawfulneutralmage

    Chapter 12

    Exactly my thoughts! A bit gotten carried away.
  21. First snow in Oslo today. Then rain washed it all away...
  22. lawfulneutralmage

    Chapter 10

    Yes!
  23. lawfulneutralmage

    Chapter 7

    Yes, my thoughts too. She laughed... Anyway, I can not see a happy end with Drew's family in the mix. Maybe, I will be surprised, but my advice to Mickey would be: run, mate, run, as fast as you can.
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