Fishwings

CONGRATULATIONS! You have leveled up and have gotten the achievement: “Is masculine enough to pass off as a straight guy.” WOW! Amazing job! Gays and girls will swoon over your fratty accomplishment, but first you gotta make a dating profile because dang all your friends are straight. Here are some steps to make your dating profile debut a success! 1) Advertise your masculinity by putting the following key words within the first sentence of your dating profile. “Gym” “Masculine” “workout” “masculine” “___ times a week” “Masculine” “Normal” “Masculine” When properly formatted it should look something like this: "Sup my name is Tate, I'm an easy going normal masculine dude who goes to the gym 9 days a week, I'm normal and masculine and I work out, btw, I'm masculine." 2) Don’t forget to advertise what you don’t like because man you’re going to get so many suitors you just really have to have some sort of mild filter. Some suggestions: - No Fems - No Fakes - No Fats - No Blacks - No Asians (Unless it’s a Korean, because Koreans are fucking trendy right now) - No Hispanics - No Browns - No Indians - No Indians (the other kind) - No offense ***Note: This all might sound incredibly racist, but seriously it’s not. Remember, it’s just your preference! It’s discriminatory to judge you based on what you desire! 3) Now that you’ve done that, it’s time to write about your interests. Make sure to write a lot. By a lot, I mean write it to the length of a fucking history dissertation. This really shouldn’t be that hard because after doing 2) you should have had at least 100 pages down, so what you need to do now is to formulate a check list on what you need in a partner to fill up the rest of the space. Here are some suggestions: I need a guy who… - Is 13-22 - Has a pretty face - But a masculine body - Can be my gym bro - And my beer bro - And my “hiking” buddy (I don’t fucking know what hiking is, but hey everyone hikes) - Must like the Notebook and cuddle with me on rainy days - Tall is a turn on - “Normal” acting guy (By normal I mean masculine) - Who has aspirations and motivations in life and can hold a conversation and is smart, at least a bacherlor’s degree, who has a CAR, but all of this isn’t that important because I need a guy who is - Totally - Completely - Holy fucking - Masculine - God - Dammit 4) Dig a little deeper within your soul and it’s time to hit them with the heavy stuff to fill in the last 20 or so pages. Write a few paragraphs about the following topics: Opinions about marriage - How you want to get married really soon Opinions about drugs - NO DRUGS unless you’re hot, then I will tolerate some 420 and maybe some LSD and heroin and meth and cocaine Sexual Positions and Gender roles - How you are definitely a top but will definitely bottom for the right guy - By “right” we mean masculine - But if I bottom you will have to pay for all my meals and my mortgage Politics - What is a politic? 5) Now finally, you need to upload a picture of yourself! This is the MOST important step. Make sure to choose a picture where you are either: - In the gym with your shirt up - In the bathroom with your shirt up - In bed showing your ass with your shirt up - At a party with a beer in your hand with duck lips with your shirt up - Your shirt just needs to be up okay. 6) Seal off your profile with a few wise quotes so it won’t seem like you’re too much of a masculine airhead. You’re a masculine smart person, for god’s sake. Here are some samples you can use: - "Bros before Hos" – By your dad - "Bisexuality is a phenomena that is a figment of the imagination" – By a fucking retard - "Brevity is the soul of wit" – By definitely not you YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY READY TO GET LOTS OF DICK! Sorry, that was crude. You were looking for marriage, dick is for effeminate faggots. If you don’t find someone to marry in the next week, or month, or year, or decade, you’re probably just too ugly or not white or something. Or you could you know, step back and realize that your narrow-minded pencil dicked views are a product of media and unfortunate socializations and you should really work on reducing all of your prejudices so to not make other people who are different feel ostracized like you were when you were teased in elementary school for having that limp wrist and so you had to work so hard to eliminate your own effeminate characteristics. But who wants to do THAT! Bibliography: Pof.com Okcupid.com Grindr Gay.com (is this even a website? HOLY SHIT IT IS LOL)

I kind of agree with James there. It'll take a lot of effort to become established on reddit. If you just throw something up there on the subforums no one is going to look at it, especially if it's not an image, or a video, or somethign short and punchy and viral. With Tumblr, since it's majorly an image sharing website you'll need to have a solid amount of high quality images and gifs to blog (bitches love gifs). Layering cheesy romantic quotes to gifs of sexy boys or whatever will probably get you reblogs. Anything with huge blocks of text is def gonna be ignored unless it belongs to a clique.

I thought the movie was thrilling and beautiful. It had a really simple plot but it was done well and the acting was superb, idk whytf you guys are hating.

:< I hope you're feeling better now!

haha exactly

It relieves you of all the stress, I swear. Finally got a chance to see Zedd this weekend and holy it was the shit. Nothing compares to the feeling of a bass so loud you can feel deep in your chest. Couldn't embed my facebook videos but well, this is good enough. Look at those lights: <iframe src=" https://www.facebook.com/video/embed?video_id=10153287025635223" width="724" height="1280" frameborder="0"></iframe> Seriously, look at those fucking lights: <iframe src=" https://www.facebook.com/video/embed?video_id=10153287058520223" width="1280" height="720" frameborder="0"></iframe> Clarity in 18 seconds of pure glory. By glory I mean non stop hand vibrations: <iframe src=" https://www.facebook.com/video/embed?video_id=10153287083295223" width="724" height="1280" frameborder="0"></iframe> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-gyZ35074k I had some debates on whether or not I should be getting crunk at all of these molly induced concerts in the middle of a storm of midterms but honestly, I've been spending my entire Biology degree going nuts over my marks and I feel like I've lost track of what makes me happy and who I am. Listening to EDM has always soothed me and excited me and it makes me feel alive so I can write, draw, go out, workout, have fun, make music, and make me feel motivated about what the actual fuck I'm going to do with my future. So if I walk into a midterm and fail it with a massive headache because I've been living in a world of music that makes me happier than I have been in a long time... fuck it. Idc anymore Also, straight guys are so homosexual when they're high lolllll Anybody been to any good concerts lately?

Living in NA I don't think these would be very useful for me .___. well unless i dress up as harry potter on halloween

oh wow congratulations!!! : D

Oops I didn't see this :0 Happy birthday again. you're loved hehe

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IESHWAR : D!!! Hope it was sexcellent here have a fat cat: missed talking to you :'3

love this. I've watched it so many times lol

So I came across a gif of some of the scenes here and oh god, they're too cute

Oh this is exciting! I'm going to have to read this up in more dets later

Shit movie, amazing song : D http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1cianvOyJU Loved this track forever

Thanks for the review! I have a sequel planned but haven't had any time to do writing lately. Check out "Six Seconds" if you have time, it's my most recent work : ) Thanks again for stopping by Lagnar.

......... I will NEVER listen to this song the same way again, god It's the rape song.... here, this version is better:

Great! This is really to the point, especially #4

But that fish... it has a million dollar smile!

"Procrastinatory Poetry" Fuck this essay in the butt with a ten foot broomstick lit on fire I just don't wanna do anymore work slash (/) homework idk idc F M L (Fuck my llamas) - Luc Rosen

lovely!

I'm sorry to hear this. I hope you'll be okay. *hugs*

Now I'm interested in the book! Honestly though I thought the movie was extraordinarily well done, especially for a zombie movie. Bigups for that

i CHECK ON IT. Keep em rollin : D

LOL that started out as an acronym then turned into an explosion of emotion that happened on the keyboard

This was so amazing it made my heart jump *A* You've captured the uncertainty of first loves remarkably. I'm a huge fan.