The Orchestra - Sinfónia Lifsins - 26. A Fucking Friend

I knew this was the Harpa’s main stage, but everything was dark and silent. Suddenly, the leader’s chair lit up. There was still no sound, even as I walked towards it. My footsteps were silent, my voice was nonexistent. My chair and my cello lit up too, and my body moved towards it. Still no sound. The silence was disturbing. The empty leader’s chair stared at me. There was nothing between us, only silent darkness. It stood alone. Still. Wrong. If only Arnar was there…

“And so we meet again.” But it was not Arnar. This voice had not been a part of my life for years. I did not miss it.

And I could not talk back to it.

“I’m always thinking about you, Siggi. You did horrible things to me. You made me suffer so much.” He appeared from the darkness and sat on the leader’s chair. “But I’ll be free soon, and then I will get my revenge.”

A violin appeared out of thin air, and he played a horrible tune. He never touched a musical instrument before, but as he took Arnar’s place he also usurped his skills.

“This new father of yours…” He got more comfortable in the chair; he grew into it, like the place belonged to him. Like he would never leave. “He’s not of much use, is he? He already left you.” Liar. Arnar did not leave. “I stayed with you for fifteen years, Siggi. I took care of you when you were sick. I kept you alive, and you betrayed me!”

Lies. The horrible melody continued, even though he was no longer playing.

“You stabbed me in the back, but I’ll make you pay. Your punishment is already happening, see?” His whole body shrunk, his skull sprouted long strands of blond hair where before there was only disgusting baldness, his eyes turned green, and freckles appeared where there were only age marks. His face became softer and smoother, like a kid’s.

Like the replacement.

The kid sat in Arnar’s place, grinning. The grin belonged to the man who had been there before him, but I hated his presence just the same. He opened his mouth, but his voice was too deep to really be his. “Siggi, wake up. I need to move you to my room.” Lights and sounds exploded around me. The world became bright and noisy, and full of Gísli’s face.

“What?”

“Gunni’s staying for the night. Dmitri asked if he wanted to sleep here, and he agreed.”

“And nobody cared to ask If I was ok with the replacement stealing my bed because…?” Gísli obviously had no answer to that. He somehow thought it would be a better idea to just drag me away instead.

“It’ll be fine. You’ve slept with me before and it was never a problem.”

“The problem is not your bed.” But I could not expect him to understand. I had to settle with being dragged like a potato sack to the next room.

“Here, you can go back to sleep. I’ll just go brush my teeth and I’ll be back with you in a bit.” Back at the Harpa, the replacement was still grinning, mocking me with his presence in Arnar’s chair. He dared act like he belonged there.

“Your family has chosen me already. They’ll be angry with you for rejecting me.”

My body could not move. My jaw was locked in place. I was too weak to force it open, to force any sound from me.

Always too weak.

“I took your best friend too, got him exactly where I wanted.” The bastard appeared beside him. He was wearing his deluxe sexy leather outfit. “You see, Siggi, with me Dmitri doesn’t need to be scared that allergies will send his partner to the hospital. He has always been dying to wear this outfit, right, Dmitri?”

The bastard nodded and knelt beside the replacement. He was wearing a black leather collar, and suddenly the leash appeared in the replacement’s outstretched hand. The bastard got on all fours.

“After tonight, Dmitri will have no reason to want you. I’ll remind him what it is like to be free of worry, free of guilt. And he will never look at you again.”

The bastard grinned at me, but his voice was once again far too deep. “You need to wake up from this nightmare.”

The world was full of Gísli again. At least there were no lights this time. “Let me sleep. You woke me once already.”

“Maybe it’s better if you don’t sleep for a while.”

“Right. And how do you plan on keeping me awake?” He should have realised by now that I would pass out as soon as he turned away.

I did not like Gísli’s short laughter. I liked it even less when he dropped his fluffy earphones over my ears and blasted loud heavy metal through his MP3 player. “What the hell is this?”

“No need to shout. I can hear you all right.” Good for you. The same was not true for me.

“Answer my question.”

“I’m trying to keep you awake while I get your medicine. You were shaking really badly when I came in; I think it’s better if we don’t risk sending you into more nightmares.”

“Is the bastard already fucking the kid?”

“I don’t know what they’re doing, I can’t hear anything.” Which probably meant one of them was gagged. My money was on the replacement. “But I don’t really think they wanted to fuck.” Yeah, right.

“Can you keep me awake by fucking my brains to oblivion? The music is giving me a headache.”

“You’re still under doctor’s orders not to get fucked. The six weeks are not over yet.”

“Fuck me anyway.” I could not care less about consequences at this point.

“No.” Lights from the TV took over the room. Arnar’s face appeared on the screen, eyes closed as he played through the opening number of last year’s New Year’s Concert. Gísli arm passed around my shoulder and the headphones dropped. Finally. The room was filled with the sound of Radetsky’s March. “I’ll help you some other way.”

This room had a familiar flowery wallpaper and familiar furniture. The bed was unmade. My cello rested in the corner. The desk was full of disorganised music sheets.

“Ready for your audition?” Arnar stood at the door. His left hand was unharmed; he offered it to me and I took it. We left the room, left his house, and I was once again on the Harpa’s dark stage.

But I was alone. Everything was empty, dark, but not cold. My cello rested on my chest, and I played all night long.

(...)

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think you would…”

“That I would need the bathroom in the morning? Or that I would not be able to close the door properly because I was in a hurry to get in before I spilled bile and undigested medicines all over my pyjamas?”

“I’m sorry, I’ll go back to Dmitri’s room…”

“It’s my room too, you know?” The kid did not look like he had had his ass pounded for hours on end. He could stand and walk just fine. Probably meant the bastard was the one who needed crutches to get to breakfast.

“I’m sorry. I hope we didn’t bother you.”

“Oh, of course not.” Note to self: do not eye-roll while feeling nauseous. “Why would it be a bother to be dragged out of bed in the middle of the night when I was trying to sleep and recover from some fucking virus that might as well kill me in the next couple of days?”

“I’m really sorry! If I knew they would do it, I wouldn’t…”

“Stop saying sorry, kid. It makes you sound even more annoying than you already are.”

“Enough with the insults, Siggi.” The bastard came to defend his boy-toy. Of course he would jump at his every whim. “I guess we could’ve planned it better, but Gísli said you slept well in the end, so let’s all go have breakfast and start our day in good spirits!”

“How does he know I slept well? What proof you’ve got?”

“Gísli was watching you to make sure you weren’t having nightmares or gotten more feverish. He was the one who didn’t sleep.” The bastard was trying to make me feel emotional, or maybe grateful. But none of this would have happened in the first place if the replacement had just gone home when he was supposed to.

“His problem, not mine. And I don’t feel like eating. You were probably too busy fucking your new boy-toy to notice that I’ve just expelled green stomach juices all over the toilet.”

“How about you join us at the table anyway? We have a guest; it’s the proper thing to do.”

“He doesn’t have to.” The kid was trying to get on my good side. I would have felt pity for him if I did not have more important things to think about.

“I will go. You’re right, we have to entertain the guest.” The kid shuddered. He was right to fear me and run to his paedophilic lover. I had every intention to be true to my word.

(...)

“We’ll eat quickly because we have to go take Gunni’s mum to the airport.” The bastard made his point by speaking with his mouth full of half-munched breakfast. For some reason the others found it funny. “I’ll be back later today, I guess.”

“Why don’t you stay over your boy-toy’s this time around? You can fuck him all night long and I can have my bed back.”

“Actually, there wasn’t any fucking involved last night, and there won’t be any for the foreseeable future either.” The replacement morphed into a tomato.

“I don’t believe you.” The bastard bragged about fucking the whole gay population of Reykjavík. ‘No sex’ was not an option he worked with.

“Too bad, Siggi, because that’s the truth.” He actually looked offended.

“Let’s not have an argument about sex of all things. You’re making Gunni uncomfortable.” And for some reason Karen thought she had to look at me for her scolding. The bastard was just as guilty. “How are you feeling today, Siggi?”

“How do you think I’m feeling? All the doctors make a point that I need to sleep to get better, but you drag me out of my own bed while I’m sleeping, then you try to keep me awake with horrible noisy music in my ear, and you still expect me to get better?”

“Siggi, we get that you’re frustrated and angry, but…”

“And then I throw up in the morning and you still make me sit here for breakfast, even though the moment I swallow even a drop of water I’ll be throwing up green slime all over you.”

“Siggi, come with me.” It was not like I could say no. If the bastard wanted me gone, he would just drag me to wherever he pleased. Gísli had done that the night before, there was no reason why he would not do the same. At least in the music room I did not have to endure the replacement. “I’m really sorry about yesterday, ok? I wasn’t thinking properly.”

“You never think properly when the kid is involved.”

“That’s not true. Anyway, Gunni and I will be gone soon, can’t you be civil for at least five minutes?”

“I’m under no obligation to do that.”

“Please? I’m asking for a favour as your best friend and fuck buddy.”

“Then maybe first you show me that you are my best friend and fuck buddy.” He could have started by letting me leave the room, but he chose to grab my arm instead.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to do; you just can’t see it yet.”

“If I can’t see it, I can’t use it.” This time, he let me go.

(...)

It took the bastard another two days to show he was my fuck buddy. He claimed the wait was because the doctors had ordered me to not thrust anything into my ass for six weeks, but it was probably because he was too busy with his new boy-toy.

“Well, the six weeks is over today! And right in time for the new year!” He sat naked on the bed with his legs spread and his cock ready for action. “Let’s party!”

“Yeah, let’s.” He would not let me ride him, though. Instead he made me lie on the bed on my stomach and he raised my hips to whatever angle was more convenient for him.

“Please tell me if it hurts. In three…”

“Just do it! It’s been six fucking weeks, I’m not waiting any longer!”

“Fine, fine, but I don’t want to hurt you.”

“That’s the fun part. Now do it or I’ll impale my ass on you again.”

The bastard did as he was told. It was the right kind of pain. The burning feeling of his cock thrusting inside me was the highlight of my week.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, keep going.” Do it all night long. Hurt me. Make everything else go away. No headache. No nausea. Hurt me so much I cannot feel anything else.

Freedom.

“No, I’m going to pull out.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” His cock was out. Headache and body aches and nausea came back in a tidal wave of familiar horribleness.

“You’re bleeding. I think you haven’t healed properly yet. Let’s finish this some other time.”

“I’m fine, keep going.” Keep that pain going.

“No, I’m not going to hurt you again.”

“If you’re really my best friend, you will.” If you really cared about me, you would help me feel better.

“No, Siggi, this is just…”

“I’m going to be in pain no matter what, it’s the way things are. So let’s make it some kind of pain that I can enjoy.”

“There must be some other way.” It was not looking good for our friendship if the bastard kept creeping towards the door, looking like he was facing a monster. “Why don’t I help you get back downstairs so you can play cello?”

It was a surprisingly good idea, though by that point my head throbbed so much he had to help me get dressed, and then hold me while we tackled the stairs. Dmitri set up my chair with a cushion and took my cello out of its case. The music sheets were on the stand, just where I had left them.

“Are you going to practice your Haydn or should we improvise a duet?” Dmitri smirked. I liked that look on him. The throbbing in my head stopped when I grabbed my bow. My lips decided to imitate his expression.

“Get your oboe ready.”

Dmitri was my best friend for a reason.