The Orchestra - Sinfónia Lifsins - 48. A Night-Long Orgy and More

Karen had a clear sense of purpose when she dragged Gísli and me to the Reykjavík city centre that afternoon. It was the weekend before Dmitri’s birthday, and she wanted us to get him surprise gifts from the country’s largest sex shop.

“You do remember that Dmitri didn’t ask for any presents, right?”

“Of course I remember, Siggi, but it doesn’t mean we can’t surprise him.” Karen headed straight to the kinky section. I followed her because this was a sex shop for straight people with far too many boobs on display, but it was easier to forget about it while looking at whips, chains, and gags.

“Dmitri is not that much into bondage stuff.” I figured I had some sort of duty as Dmitri’s primary fuck-buddy to warn Karen about what she was getting into before she got too many ideas.

“He isn’t? Then how come you end up getting tied up, blindfolded and gagged in bed all the time? And I know there’s lots of spanking involved too. I can hear it all the way from my room sometimes.”

“That’s because I’m the one who asks for it. Dmitri only agrees to cause pain to other people when they’re really, really willing and begging for it. If it depended on him, though, he would keep it mostly vanilla. He would maybe put on a dog collar, but that’s because he knows he looks fucking good in them.”

“Ok…” Karen took a set of fluffy pink handcuffs off the shelf. “So should I get something he can use on you?”

“Don’t bother. Most of the stuff they have here is made of leather. I’m not that much of a masochist.” There was a world of difference between some pleasurable pain and having your airways close as your skin becomes covered in rashes. That was also the reason I was wearing long sleeves and keeping my hands firmly into my pockets while inside the store. The slightest accidental brush of leather (or latex) on me would be enough to turn this shopping trip into a long hospital visit. “And anyway, I’ve already got all the stuff I could from here ages ago.”

“Fine. So what you’re saying is that I won’t find anything useful here?”

“Probably.”

“Fuck it.” Karen placed the cuffs she was holding in the wrong shelf with more force than necessary. “Thanks for telling me after I had all my shopping figured out.” She grabbed a pack of fancy nipple clamps and stormed out.

I did not follow her. I could not. The fear exploded from within; my legs glued in place. Just like all those years ago. Or just like when Gummi flared his temper and I could not see it was because of Kresten. It did not matter if rationally I knew Karen was not going to come back to hurt me. The survival reflex thought she would and made it impossible for me to leave. Because trying to run away always made things worse.

It was not easy to get away from that kind of head space. The cuffs, whips, gags, and assorted torture devices did not help either. Just a few years ago there were marks in my body not made for my willing pleasure. The marks of my father’s violence were not sexual, but in that moment of fear, pain was pain. My father might as well have used that whip. Might as well have gagged me with the inflatable half-penis. No matter what he did, how ugly the marks got, he never got the blame. It was always my fault. It was me asking for it, calling attention to myself. As if I did not disrupt his life enough as it was. Surely the nurses at the hospital ought to feel pity for that single father working so hard to raise such a problematic child. That pathetic, weak excuse for a human being, rejected by his own mother for being such a failure. He had the right to be angry. It was only natural that he would. I was the only one to blame for his violence…

“Hey, Siggi, is something wrong?” Gísli’s deep voice pulled me back to the real world. He was walking towards me. “You’ve been here for some time now. Karen and I chose a few things, and we would like to…” His eyes met mine, and the rest of his words never came out. The walk became a sprint, and suddenly he was as close to me as he could without touching my body. “I know that face. Did something here trigger you? Do you need help walking out?”

The only communication I could manage was a headshake. Voicing words was too complex a task for my state of mind.

“Not a trigger? But you look like –”

Another headshake. I tried a step forward, but my body almost collapsed on top of his. Fucking shaky legs.

“I think I know you well enough by now to know something did trigger you. I’m sorry if I can’t understand what you’re trying to tell me. I’m going to get you out of here, ok? I’m going to hold you to help you walk. Here I come.” The warning helped the fear reflex to not see Gísli as a threat, but it was not enough to prevent my body from flinching at the contact of his hands with my chest.

Karen spotted us as soon as we were out of the kinky section. Her voice caused my body to lean even more against Gísli, as far from her as it could. “What’s going on? Is Siggi ok?”

“I found him in the kinky area. I think he got triggered by something there. He won’t speak to me.”

“Do you want to go back home, Siggi? I can take you there now and leave Gísli to finish our shopping.”

“No.” Words. Finally. With first one out, the others followed easily. “My brain thought you sounded a little too angry back there. Not your fault. I’m almost out of it now.”

“You don’t look like you’re almost out of anything.” Karen’s face softened. She kept her distance. “I’m really sorry, Siggi. I didn’t even realise I was becoming so aggressive. I’m not angry at you. I’m not angry now. I should’ve been more careful. I’m really, really sorry. Really. Sorry.” Her apology carried on and on and on. By the time she was done, she had spoken long enough for the fear to naturally die down and give the appearance that I could function like a normal human being. But even when it looked like the danger had passed, the anxiety lingered, and I kept my guard up until I could reach the safety of my room at home.

“Show me the things you’ve got so far.” Give me some kind of distraction to survive the rest of the shopping trip. “Did you find anything interesting?”

Gísli took his time to let go of me, but I had already regained control of my legs. As nice a gesture it was, that level of babysitting was no longer necessary. “I was looking at the stuff in the joke section, and I found some things we could use as decoration.” He took a pack of mini inflatable dicks in horrendous colours from his basket.

“It does look like the kind of stuff Dmitri would like.”

“I know, right?” Karen smiled. She sounded noisily enthusiastic, like she was making a point of presenting the complete opposite of anger so I would no longer see her as a threat. “We found the comically oversized penises too, and we’re getting a pair of those to have a ‘swordfight’ tournament.”

I would normally be entertained by the swordfight idea. If anything, it would be a chance to see other people having cocks as big as Dmitri’s for a change. But the recent triggers messed with my ability to have good feelings of any kind. “What else did you get?”

Gísli pulled something else from the basket: a neon-green tube with the self-explanatory label of Glow in the Dark Clone-a-Willy Kit. “I found what I’m going to give him as my personal present. I know Dmitri’s done this a few times before, but he hasn’t got the ‘glow in the dark’ type yet, so…”

“Nope. This might be the motivation he needs to fuck with the lights off.” Dmitri liked that kind of stuff so much that he would take off his trousers and do it wherever and whenever Gísli gave it to him.

All that was left to do was find something for Karen and me to give to Dmitri. We searched around the store, tossing the alarming number of boob imagery aside whenever it got on the way (that is, every other step). My first choice of present was a fist-shaped dildo, but I realised how horrible an idea it was on my way to the check-out. It had been less than an hour since I had been triggered by dark memories of my past. I should know better than to give my best friend something that could trigger dark memories of his own. There was no way Dmitri would not associate the fist-dildo with me trying to use his hand as my suicide weapon of choice. I got him body paint instead.

Karen found a prostate massager that vaguely resembled a scorpion’s tale. Emphasis on vaguely. “Well, I think Dmitri will be pretty happy with the stuff we got him. Now I need to take over their stock of latex-free condoms and lube. How much do you guys think we need? I’m already psychologically prepared to spend half of this month’s pay on this, so…”

“Dmitri planned to invite around thirty people, I think. If we try to get at least three condoms per person…”

“Well, what don’t I do for a friend?” Karen smiled despite the impending assault on her bank account. Latex-free condoms were notoriously more expensive than normal condoms (not to mention harder to find), but she never questioned Dmitri’s insistency that those be the only types of condoms available at his party. She had been there when Dmitri used the wrong condom on me, so she understood why he was doing this. And like my best friend, she was not willing to risk my safety in order to save a few thousand krónar.

It was the little gestures like this that slowly put me at ease around Karen again.

(...)

It would have been better for everyone if our day in the sex shop had ended then. There was enough drama going on with me having to learn to trust a housemate all over again. But this would have been too easy. My life could never be too easy.

Gísli and I were waiting for Karen to grab as many condoms and lube as she could carry when we heard her overly-enthusiastic voice from halfway around the shop. “Sarah! What a surprise! What are you doing here?”

We did not hear Sarah’s reply, but Gísli though it wise to go check on the situation. He did not even have to ask for Sarah to explain to us what was going on. “Hi, Gísli and Siggi. I was just telling Karen that I’m here with my boyfriend, and–”

“You have a boyfriend?” Gísli’s eyebrows disappeared behind his purple fringe and he turned towards Karen. “Since when?”

“Just a couple of weeks. I haven’t told anyone about it yet because I wasn’t sure where this relationship was going, but now I’m pretty sure we’ll be happy together, at least for a while. I might start that gossip at work once the excitement for Dmitri’s birthday dies down. Nobody can talk about anything else nowadays.”

“That’s because a lot of them will be at the party.” Gísli’s eyes darted from Sarah to Karen, like he could not decide which one he should look at.

“Yeah, Dmitri’s party. We’re here buying the supplies. Funny thing, eh? All the condoms, lube, and hanging inflatable dicks. Fun!” Karen laughed for no apparent reason. At least I was not the only one wondering what was wrong with her.

“Are you ok, Karen? You seem a little nervous.”

“I’m fine, Sarah! I just wasn’t expecting to see you around here!” Karen’s smile was so fake even I could see through it. She laughed some more, just to make our ears suffer. “But we have to get going now! We have so much to prepare! We’ll see you on Monday!” Karen took hold of Gísli and me with her free hand and dragged us all the way to the check-out. She was in such a hurry to get out of the store that she paid for everything in one transaction, including the things Gísli and I were supposed to be buying with our own money. “We’ll sort it out later, it’ll be easier!” On the way back, she almost took a wrong turn on the road and had to be saved by Gísli’s sense of direction and photographic memory.

Even I could tell something was up. Karen’s meeting with Sarah affected her in a bad way. Gísli seemed to know exactly what was happening, but I had no clue. So I left them to talk it out in the living room while I teased Dmitri about all the exciting stuff he was going to get next week. The teasing soon evolved into touching of sensitive body parts, which in turn escalated into wild pounding of his cock in my ass. I forgot about Karen’s personal problems somewhere on the build up to orgasm. It was not like they had anything to do with me anyway.

(...)

Dmitri’s plans for a sex-filled birthday did not stop at having a thirty-people orgy in the evening. The celebration of his sexual prowess started on the first minute of the first of March, and it involved him getting me blindfolded and cuffed to the headboard.

“I really want to fuck your ass now, but if I do, you won’t recover in time for the big fuck.”

“You know I don’t particularly care. You can hammer your cock in all night long if you want. I’ll find a way to handle the orgy.” Particularly if he kept stroking me even while announcing he was not going to fuck anything.

“That’s too much fucking in too little time. Let’s have some other kind of fun now, and then you’ll have something to look forward to for the next twenty hours.”

“You’re being too careful. It’s not fun that way.” He could at least put his cock in my mouth if he was not going to stick it in my ass.

“I’m already tying you up and preventing you from seeing what I’m doing to you.” Dmitri bit my neck just to prove his point. “Isn’t that fun enough?” More biting. My body began to shake and I had to bite my lip to keep from saying exactly what he wanted to hear. “I know you like what I’m doing.”

“Fuck you.”

“Well, yeah, that’s the idea for the orgy.” Dmitri was grinning. I could see it even with the eye mask. “But right now this is about fucking you without actually fucking you.”

“It’s your birthday, shouldn’t you be the one getting all the pleasure?” It was proof of his perfect timing and sense of irony that my question was punctuated by involuntary grunts. My body responded to his touch and I could not control it.

“It pleasures me to see you having such a good time. You’re way too easy to tease.” He bit my ear. The hand that had not been playing with my cock grabbed the back of my neck. The sound made by my vocal chords was not human. “I’m having fun preparing you for the party. Your body is like my secondary instrument: everywhere I touch, you make a different sound.” Dmitri’s hand pressed my neck once more, and then moved to my chest, nipples, abdomen, and ass. True to his word, every touch made my body produce an involuntary vocal response. The grunts and moans were all different, but I had no control over them. “I feel like making you sing.”

Dmitri’s hands roamed everywhere. They brushed my skin, sending shivers down my spine. They grabbed my arms, neck, and hips with enough force to hurt and bruise, slapped my ass until it became red and hot. My throat screamed and moaned until my voice turned too hoarse to be heard.

“Please shut me up.” My plea was a whisper. There was no way I could have made it any louder.

“Ok, you’ve sang enough.” Dmitri sat on my chest, but did not put any of his bodyweight on me. “Click your fingers if you need me to stop.”

Dmitri’s cock was the best gag. It did not matter that I could barely fit all of it in. He had already brought me so close to the edge that I was done for in less than a minute of him mouth-fucking me. He pulled out, lay by my side, and kissed my mouth way too gently for my liking. The next thing I felt was his tongue on my abdomen, licking away my mess. Dmitri’s own release came not long after that, and he freed my hands and eyes with another set of tender kisses on my face.

“That was… fun…” No amount of breathlessness could take away his enthusiasm. “I can’t wait… for the… party!”

“Happy birthday, Dmitri.”

His arm lay on my chest. He pulled me closer. “Thanks.”

We fell asleep like that.

(...)

Dmitri got his birthday gifts at the breakfast table the next morning. Nobody was surprised when he pulled his pyjamas down and started playing around with the glow-in-the-dark clone-cock thing. The only reason he did not attempt to do it properly was because he would be late to rehearsal if he tried, and being late to rehearsal meant missing out on lots of happy birthday wishes and mini-make-outs with the colleagues he had invited to the party.

The first person to greet him at work was the kid. They kissed in a most chaste and sugar-coma-inducing way, and everyone thought they were the epitome of cuteness. But soon, other people requested Dmitri’s attention. By the time he sat down to play, he had French-kissed our two trumpets, one of the horns, the harp, the second clarinet and the second flute, three out of four percussionists (including Gísli), half the cello section (including me), the twin viola players, and the two male violins who were not the kid or Santa. At least it was entertaining to watch the kid’s mortified face as his boyfriend whored himself out to all our young male players. Even Gummi was amused.

“I’m glad you’re having such a good time, Dmitri, but we are already ten minutes behind schedule, and last time I checked, the ISO wasn’t paying you to start a kissing booth in the workplace.” Gummi rolled his eyes and everybody laughed. “Before we begin, though, I have been asked to give you your birthday card. Everybody signed it, and I believe some of you got quite ‘creative’ in your messages.”

Gummi pulled an oversized card from underneath his score. The image on the cover featured a joke about trombones and penises (with the word ‘trombone’ crossed out and changed to ‘oboe’). Inside, every one of Dmitri’s eighty-two fellow musicians, plus Gummi and Arnar, found a way to cram their signature with a little message or the occasional crude dick drawing.

Dmitri considered this the perfect job for a reason.

(...)

At home, Dmitri used my troublesome height advantage as an excuse to draft me into helping to decorate the house for the party. I hung streams of mini-inflatable dicks on all the living room walls, the landing, the banister, and above our bed. Gísli managed to get one to hang from the tree in our garden, making it look like a dick-growing tree. The jokes about the tree’s ‘seeds’ went on for far too long after that.

Dmitri kept us busy decorating so that he could personally make sure his new super-stock of condoms and lube was distributed in strategic places and that there was enough booze in the house to make all the drunkards happy. Then he dragged us to shower with him just to tease us to the point we would fuck the first wall that looked at us in the right way.

“Hey, guys, how about I get you to dress up for me?” Dmitri had his sexy grin on. He was ‘helping’ us dry after our shower by brushing towels dangerously close to our groins. “You can help me welcome the other guests as my dear sexy assistants.”

And that was how Gísli and I ended up dressed in nothing but a few strips of faux leather around our chests and a collar with short chains attached to our wrists that prevented us from touching ourselves. Dmitri did not bother to cover our genitals, but it was not like we could complain. He was almost done putting on his own sexy outfit when Karen came into the room. Her eyes absorbed every detail of the scene in front of her, paying particular attention to Gísli’s exposed behind (his cheeks became a few shades darker after that), before she spoke.

“I’m done with the things you asked me to do. I haven’t been feeling too well lately, so I think I won’t stay for the party. I hope you guys have fun, though by the looks of it, you already are.”

“You’re not feeling well? Are you sick?” Dmitri approached Karen. She somehow managed to look at his face and ignore his porn-sized cock.

“No, I’m just… I’m not in the mood for being the only woman at a sex party.” She sighed. “I’m going to stay at Ugla’s tonight, but when I come back tomorrow, I expect a full report from either you or Gísli. And please make sure my bedroom is off limits to your guests. I don’t want strangers messing it up while I’m gone.”

“Sure thing.” Dmitri grinned and kissed her on the cheek. “Have fun at Ugla’s, then. And thanks for your help. We couldn’t have done it without you.”

“I know.” Karen smiled too and sent annoying flying kisses to everyone.

We heard the front door bang a few minutes later, and Gísli decided it was time to enlighten us about Karen’s attitude. “We met Sarah at the sex shop when we were getting your gifts. She has a new boyfriend now, and Karen didn’t take the news very well. I think she’s going to Ugla’s to have a girl’s night out and try to get over her crush.”

“Aw, that sucks.” Dmitri pouted. “I suppose we’ll have to cheer her up tomorrow.” He pulled Gísli by the chains dangling from his collar. “How do you feel about it?”

“I know how Karen feels, and it sucks. I feel sorry for her, and I hope she can get a crush on someone who feels the same way towards her.”

“Like you?”

“She’s never going to like me that way, and I’m fine with that. I just want her to be happy and not suffer because of love troubles.”

“Aw, you’re cute.” Dmitri caressed Gísli’s cheek and leaned in for a kiss. Gísli met him halfway, and they ‘cheered each other up’ until the bell rang and we rushed to greet Dmitri’s first guest.

For the next half hour, Gísli and I played glorified nearly-naked butlers, standing next to Dmitri as he opened the door to his conveniently punctual twenty-seven guests. Some of them stared at me with undeniable lust, and I made an effort to remember their faces for later.

“Now, before I let you in, I need you to agree to our basic rules.” Dmitri said the same thing to every guest. It got boring after a while, but Dmitri being Dmitri, there was no way he would give up on it just because it was repetitive to say the same thing twenty-seven times. “First off, even though this is a sexy party and orgy time, it still doesn’t give you the right to touch or fuck someone who doesn’t want you to. If someone doesn’t want to fuck you, you don’t go near them. We have booze, but if you get too drunk, you take a break from the fucking. Don’t fuck anyone who has had too much to drink. You can stay anywhere in the house or the garden, apart from the bedroom closest to the stairs. Lastly, I have plenty of condoms and lube spread all over the house, and I expect you to use those. Please don’t use your own. We have people here who are allergic to latex, and they could get into serious trouble if they accidentally touch the wrong condom.”

Every guest agreed to those rules there and then (and my ISO colleagues looked at me when Dmitri mentioned the latex allergy), but not everyone liked what they heard. And some decided to do what they could to get around the rules.

Obviously, I was their target of choice.

(...)

The party had been going for a while. My ass had already been invaded by Dmitri’s and two other guests’ monster cocks (unfortunately not at the same time), who also gave my body bruises and bite marks in all the right places. I was still wearing the straps of non-leather that tried to pass for an outfit, but next to all the naked men around me, even this looked like too much clothing. Guests were fucking each other in groups and pairs on any free surface or wall available. There was no loud music because Dmitri wanted everyone to be able to hear each other and intervene in case someone decided to overstep people’s boundaries. The booze, on the other hand, was going fast. The house already smelled like a dodgy pub. This would have been enough to make me sick, but the sexual energy kept me focused on other things.

A guy almost as tall as me approached from behind and pulled on my collar until I fell against his chest. His arms were bigger than both my thighs put together, and he used them to make sure I did not escape his attention. His teeth sank into my shoulder. Pleasure and pain mixed. My ass instinctively searched for his cock. I let him know I was up for fucking, and he dragged me to the bathroom.

“I want some privacy.” He threw me face-first against the door. Some alarm bells went off in my head, but the guy’s voice was deep, sexy, and savage; the kind that made me want to be mercilessly fucked into oblivion. “I didn’t know Dmitri had such fuckable friends. I’m going to take good care of you, but I don’t like to have people watch me perform.”

“Fine by me. There are condoms and lube here too.” I tried to turn to face him, but he slammed me against the door again. My chest pressed against my hands in the not-good kind of pain.

“I don’t really like those condoms. They feel weird.”

“Too bad, that’s what we have.” More alarm bells. Louder this time. Dmitri had not told the guests it was me who had the latex allergy, so there was no way this stranger could know, but the open criticism of Dmitri’s safety measures was not a good sign. “If you don’t want to use them, then you’ll have to find someone else to fuck.”

“Seriously? You would give up on me because of a stupid condom? I bet your ass is dying to have my cock slammed into it right now.” His hand grabbed my collar to keep me from moving away while he brushed my ass crack with said cock.

“It sure is, but if you don’t put a condom on, I’ll have to pass.” Never mind that I was beginning to fear he would not let me go. The whole situation looked far too close to Kresten’s attack for me to believe I would get out of it safely.

“Fine. Hold on.” He let go of me. I did not dare turn around (not that my body would answer to my attempts at moving it while Kresten flashbacks insisted on flooding my memories), but I heard the condom packet being torn open and the contents of a lube sachet being spread over his erection. His lubed hand found my cock and worked to revive it after the triggers killed my sexy mood. “I’ll give your ass a great time, boy.”

His cock went in without warning. All at once. It was way too big for that kind of thing. The pain spread like fire. He pulled back, only to slam it in again with even more force. And again. And again. My body crashed against the door. My hands failed to cushion the impact. Head, chest, and arms banged against the hard wood in loud thuds until something wet trickled down my forehead. The door gained a red stain. His hand that worked to pleasure me fell in rhythm with his thrusts. All too fast, too painful, and too good. Ripping me apart the way I liked it. His jaw nearly tore my shoulder away. The other hand pulled my hair. I never stopped screaming.

“You’re my fucking bitch now. Your body belongs to me, and I’m going to use it as I fucking please.” He pulled out after another quick series of deep thrusts. By this point his cock was the only thing keeping my body upright. My legs were too weak to do their job properly. I sunk to the floor like a rag doll until he pulled me back up by my hair. The new scream that left my throat had nothing pleasurable in it. “What? Is it too much for you?”

I was too breathless to speak. He turned me around, still by the hair, and slammed my back against the door.

“You’re a helluva good fuck toy. I’m nearly done with you, and then I might let you rest.” He let go of me and did nothing to help break my fall. Sitting on the cold bathroom floor, my head ended up level with his groin. Blood trickled from his erection. My blood. “Take the condom off and suck me. I’m going to cover your pretty face with my stuff.”

“No.” Speaking hurt more than it should. “I don’t share body fluids with strangers.”

“What? I can’t hear you!” He took off the condom and threw it on me. It slid down my chest, leaving a red trail all the way to my groin.

“I said…” Breathless. Sore. I could not speak up. “No. Stop.”

“Still can’t hear you.” His eyes met mine. His grin was just like my father’s. ‘Oh, Siggi, look at what happened to your face! You have to be more careful not to get hit by the swings in the playground’, he would say after punching me for making him angry. A broken nose and a black eye were the price for challenging his authority. His grin told me to go along with his story, or I would face much worse. It meant his lie was to be acknowledged, but not challenged.

The stranger had heard me. He just pretended not to.

His cock forced its way into my mouth. I gagged. He held my head in place and fucked my throat with the same urgency he attacked my arsehole. There was no way to breathe. The little food I had in my stomach made its way up and was forced down again by his thrusts. But relief came quickly. I threw up by his feet, and he paid me back by spreading his semen all over my face and hair.

“You really are a fun bitch to play with. I had a great time with you.” He dragged me away from the door by my collar, leaving me sprawled on the floor. Banged the door shut when he left. There was a puddle of blood where I had been sitting. Blood still trickled from my forehead, only now it mixed with potentially dangerous bodily fluids from a complete stranger.

Somehow Dmitri knew it was me who was in the bathroom with his monster of a fuck-buddy. He must have heard my screams. Judging by the way my throat hurt even before the forced deep-throating, the whole house must have heard them. Whichever the case, my best friend rushed to question his guest as soon as he came out, speaking loudly enough for me to hear through the door.

“Is everything all right? You were with Siggi in there, right?”

“You mean your stick-figure of a housemate? Yeah, he’s just cleaning up. We got a bit carried away and things got… messy.”

Dmitri’s voice sounded even louder. “Ok. I’ll go help him out, then.”

“There’s no need for that! Your friend is just fine on his own!”

“Pétur, get away from the door and let me check on Siggi. This is the last time I’m going to ask nicely.” Dmitri’s voice dropped a few tones. I recognised the anger and I almost feared him for a second, before remembering he was trying to help me. Shaking off this trigger was much easier when it related to Dmitri rather than to Karen or Gummi. He was my best friend for a reason.

By that point I had managed to convince my body to crawl towards the shower cabin. The amount of blood leaking from my ass would have made someone like the kid drop dead on the spot, but I had lived through worse. The cut on my forehead was more of a problem. Who knew what kind of diseases this Pétur guy had? Knowing my luck, he would have all the worst ones, and I would get them all from that tiny cut.

“What are you going to do if I don’t move?”

“I’m going to get all of my work colleagues to help me out. Siggi is like family to them, so they’ll be really upset if they think he might be hurt.”

“I didn’t hurt him that much. That guy is a proper masochist, he asked for it!”

“Then you have no reason to stand in front of the door and keep me from seeing him.”

The chains attached to my wrists were too short to let me reach the shower tap from the floor. My legs were still too weak to hold my weight. Sitting with my back against the cold wall tiles, I had the perfect view of the mess left by my body. Putting weight on my ass was another round of tingly pleasure. It was still too sensitive. The bleeding had not stopped yet. I felt a sense of accomplishment in getting so thoroughly fucked, even if the last part was non-consensual.

The door opened. Dmitri, Kjartan, and Davíð rushed in.

“What happened here? What did Pétur do to you?” Dmitri knelt by my side. His hand touched the cut on my forehead and my body instinctively flinched away.

“I didn’t want to suck him without a condom.”

“And you didn’t want him jerking off on you either, right?”

Dmitri was fuming with anger. Anyone else in that state would have thrown me into an endless loop of triggering flashbacks and emotional breakdown. But not Dmitri. Not when his touch was so gentle and his tone was soothing above all else. The anger was there all right, but he was directing none of it at me.

“No. He said he didn’t hear me saying it.”

“Bullshit. Did he hurt you because of that?”

“No. The cut is from before, when he was fucking my ass. He was a bit rough, but that’s how I like it.”

“Ok.” Dmitri took a deep breath. “I’m calling the police. I’m not going to let anyone get away with hurting my best friend at my own party.”

It took only five minutes for two police officers to find me in the bathroom. They took pictures of the scene, of my body, and took samples of the mess on my face. Pétur was arrested for sexual assault, but the police were discreet enough to take everyone’s statements in the house. It would have been an interesting night at the police headquarters if the place was suddenly flooded by thirty naked men who had spent the last few hours fucking each other senseless.

It was almost disappointing to see the police officers keeping their composure and acting strictly professional in the middle of Dmitri’s sex party. Under any other circumstances, Dmitri would have convinced them to join in.

(...)

“I’m really sorry, Siggi. I can’t believe I let that happen. I thought I had all the bases covered to keep everyone safe, but…” With the police gone, Dmitri dumped me in the bathtub of the upstairs bathroom. The party had not been officially called off despite the unexpected drama, and most guests were still around.

“It wasn’t your fault. You did everything you could.”

“But you still got hurt.” He proved his point by cleaning the cut on my forehead with far too much gentleness.

“Most of it was willingly. You know what I’m like.” It was still hard to move, but the hot water helped my lower body remember it existed. “I’m actually proud of the mess we made.”

I should have known that Dmitri would have none of my ‘I’m-a-masochist-and-blood-turns-me-on’ talk. He was far too busy blaming himself for things outside of his control to realise I was not about to have a mental breakdown. His concern was reassuring, but unnecessary.

“But Pétur ignored your safety and your consent, even after I made him agree to the ground rules. I tried to invite only guys who would be safe to be around, but instead I brought another rapist to you. What kind of best friend am I?”

“The kind that calls the police as soon he realises his best friend has been raped. Stop blaming yourself. I’m fine, and thanks to you, another jerk is behind bars.”

“The last time you said you were fine after non-consensual sex, you had your worst nightmares in recent memory. You might be fine now, but until I’m sure you’re going to stay that way, I’ll keep worrying, and I’ll keep thinking it was my fault for having invited Pétur here in the first place.”

“Fine.” It was useless to argue with that kind of stubbornness. “Then at least go back to enjoying your party. Fuck your way to sunrise with all those sexy people out there, and get your mind off my problems.”

“I don’t know if I can get back into a sexy mood. Maybe I should just cancel the party…”

“Look, I’m the one who got mouth-fucked against my will. If I say you can go and enjoy your party, then you fucking go enjoy your party. If you’re not in the mood for sex yet, then get the giant inflatable dicks and have a ‘swordfight’ tournament to get your mind off things. And then go back to orgying until you’re all milked dry.”

“I suppose sword fighting is not a bad idea. It would definitely lift everyone’s mood.” Dmitri smiled. Finally.

“Good. Now that you know what you’re doing for the rest of the night, you can help me get to Karen’s room. As much as I would love to be surrounded by dicks and have all your guests fuck me at the same time, I don’t think my body can take it. I’ll stay away from the party before I do something I actually regret.”

“That’s a sensible decision. Though it is a shame you won’t get to fulfil your dream of being in the middle of a gangbang.”

“There will be other birthdays, right?”

“Oh, definitely.” Our grins were the same as Dmitri lifted me from the bathtub, patted me dry, and dragged my body to Karen’s room. The goodbye kiss was anything but chaste.

(...)

Dmitri decided that the best place to hold the ‘swordfight’ tournament was the garden, even though it was a cold night in March. I saw everything from Karen’s window. The inflatable dicks were about as tall as Dmitri, so using them as swords was like asking for ridicule. The laughs of the twenty-five naked grown men were too loud for two in the morning, but our only close neighbour who could have been bothered by it was among those naked adults playing like children.

My idea to use the ‘swordfight’ as a way to rescue the sexy mood worked well. The men were back to kissing and groping even before the ‘tournament’ was officially over. Half of them, including Dmitri, were having such a great time outdoors that they stayed there for the rest of their sex adventures. Dmitri was surrounded by his friends and made to kiss every mouth and cock that came his way. He fell on all fours and they took turns fucking his ass and mouth.

I wanted to be in Dmitri’s place. In an ideal world, every one of those men would fill me up with their stuff, call me their sex slave, and use my body for their pleasure until they were satisfied. I would be gagged, blindfolded, and tied up so that I could not move or get away. A dog collar would make me someone’s bitch. Floggers and whips would leave permanent marks on my skin. But the pain from the beatings would be just a mild tingle in comparison to the feeling of monster cocks hammering into my ass one after another, hours on end. And once they were done with me, they would discard me like a used fuck-toy; pass me on to the next group of horny fuckers to start all over again.

My deepest sexual fantasies were the kind that not even Dmitri could handle. He would never agree to cause so much pain to someone, even if consensually. He would never agree to pretend what we were doing was non-consensual. And hell would freeze over before he called me his slave or bitch. He was too nice for that. The former sex worker set his boundaries on much safer grounds than the guy who had been constantly abused as a child, nearly raped in his workplace, and actually raped at a sex party. There was some sick irony there. Or some sick individual who could not get enough violence in his life and reacted to being raped by jerking off to the sight of his best friend in a gangbang.

Maybe I was sick. Maybe my father had been right. There was something wrong with me. I was broken, and neither Arnar nor Dmitri would ever be able to fix me.