Timmy's Journal - 10. Poetry Prompt 15

Remember the film well. Now love your poem, too. It reads and scans beautifully.

It is another great poem Tim, I love how you can bring a scene to life You are so gifted
Oh, one of the lines has seven syllables, but it flowed really well

You did a great job with the prompt

I like it from the narrator's perspective. He is telling a story... there's a mystery, and he's wondering why. In the end you bring him in... how it affects him. It lets me visualize the man's impatience as he waits. Most important though, is what it tells me about the narrator. Well done, tim. There's a lot in these lines... cheers... Gary...

On 11/02/2015 11:58 AM, Parker Owens said:

Remember the film well. Now love your poem, too. It reads and scans beautifully.

Hi Parker... Thank you for your review. I've never seen the film, but I think I'll watch it.

thanks for your comments, Parker.

tim

First of all, thanks for taking the poetry prompt challenge! This kind is poem is pretty much what I had in mind when I set the task: for one, it IS personal ; ) and secondly, you were ware of the internal structure (or, it's dreaded metre). I had toyed with the idea of asking poets to post their syllable counts with their poems, but thought it might be too much to ask. Needless to say, I'm thrilled you did it! It helps me see you understood the exercise.

I love this poem. You did a really good job. I Agree with Drew that I can see and feel the scene, and also sense the emotions of the poet as witness.

Thank you, once again!

On 11/02/2015 12:00 PM, Drew Espinosa said:

It is another great poem Tim, I love how you can bring a scene to life You are so gifted

Oh, one of the lines has seven syllables, but it flowed really well

 

You did a great job with the prompt

Hi Drew, thanks for letting me know about the error... I left out a word... and fixed it, thanks!! I appreciate your support and your comments..

tim

On 11/02/2015 12:14 PM, Headstall said:

I like it from the narrator's perspective. He is telling a story... there's a mystery, and he's wondering why. In the end you bring him in... how it affects him. It lets me visualize the man's impatience as he waits. Most important though, is what it tells me about the narrator. Well done, tim. There's a lot in these lines... cheers... Gary...

Gary, thanks so much for the thoughtful comments. I wanted to be the guy watching, I think that it worked okay. The prompt my reaction and I wanted to be in her place.

Thanks Gary for all of your support,

tim

On 11/02/2015 12:27 PM, AC Benus said:

First of all, thanks for taking the poetry prompt challenge! This kind is poem is pretty much what I had in mind when I set the task: for one, it IS personal ; ) and secondly, you were ware of the internal structure (or, it's dreaded metre). I had toyed with the idea of asking poets to post their syllable counts with their poems, but thought it might be too much to ask. Needless to say, I'm thrilled you did it! It helps me see you understood the exercise.

 

I love this poem. You did a really good job. I Agree with Drew that I can see and feel the scene, and also sense the emotions of the poet as witness.

 

Thank you, once again!

Hi AC, thank you so much for your comments. I just sort of followed what you wrote and the examples you gave in the prompt.It was pretty clear. I wanted to be the guy watching and the guy wanted to be there in place of the girl.

Thanks so much AC. I appreciate your support.

tim

On 11/02/2015 12:31 PM, Reader1810 said:

Out of likes :heart:

 

Hey Tim

Don't know the film referenced but that's okay. I can still see into the mind of the observer and be a witness to what he sees. A poignant tale.

I don't know a thing about poetic internal structure, syllable count or metre, but this worked for me.

Nicely done.

Reader!! Thank you, well when it comes down to it.. your reaction to the poem is all that matters. But why not read the prompt, it's pretty interesting and you can see a couple of scenes from the film: http://www.gayauthors.org/forums/topic/40962-poetry-prompt-15-%E2%80%93-free-verse/#entry569887

Thanks as always for your support of my words.

tim

This was a wonderfully unique perspective of this scene. The narrator wants to be the girl... he wants to be the won being kissed and desired. Beautifully done, Tim

On 11/02/2015 01:11 PM, LitLover said:

This was a wonderfully unique perspective of this scene. The narrator wants to be the girl... he wants to be the won being kissed and desired. Beautifully done, Tim

LL, thank you very much. I'm glad this worked. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

tim