Timmy's Journal - 20. Poetry Prompt 5 – Rhymes and Couplets

These are good (not that I'm a great judge of poetry lol). The line about the long underwear had me giggling

On 12/14/2015 11:17 AM, LitLover said:

These are good (not that I'm a great judge of poetry lol). The line about the long underwear had me giggling

Lol.LL.. AC said in the prompt they could be serious or silly, so i tried one of each! Thanks for reading and commenting!

tim

Oh, these were grand. I specially liked the bit about cold feet! These can cast one into the outer darkness quickly Then there's the dark woods surprise! The end is exactly what I hoped for, but wondered if you would deny me. Thanks for these.

Those were both really good. I have to say though, wrapped in a fur lined rug, bonfire going, long underwear-less with an extra body, ain't quite my idea of discontent...
I especially liked how Cast Out ends as it starts out so desolate. You can almost feel the surprise mixed with joy at the end.
Always a great job Tim.

On 12/14/2015 11:30 AM, Parker Owens said:

Oh, these were grand. I specially liked the bit about cold feet! These can cast one into the outer darkness quickly Then there's the dark woods surprise! The end is exactly what I hoped for, but wondered if you would deny me. Thanks for these.

Thank you Parker! I was worried about writing these, but the came along quickly. And Cast Out, well you'd hope your lover would come for you... thank you for reading my friend and your terrific comments... tim

On 12/14/2015 11:40 AM, Reader1810 said:

Hey tim

I really liked both poems. The first one has visions of a horse drawn sleigh ride because of the mention of the fur lined rug. I think you were searching for warmth do I doubt that was part of you vision. Oh well, it's part of mine and I like it.

 

As for the second, everyone should be able to have both choices...if not, I think the latter choice will bring the most happiness.

 

As always, nicely done.

I never thought of a sleigh, but it works. I've never been near a sleigh... I'm always cold.. sitting here with a nice thick crocheted blanket right now.. Thanks so much for reading these and for you excellent comments.. tim

On 12/14/2015 11:50 AM, Defiance19 said:

Those were both really good. I have to say though, wrapped in a fur lined rug, bonfire going, long underwear-less with an extra body, ain't quite my idea of discontent...

I especially liked how Cast Out ends as it starts out so desolate. You can almost feel the surprise mixed with joy at the end.

Always a great job Tim.

Thanks Def! I appreciate your insight and that worked for you. The poor cold bugger started off discontent!! I'm always cold, but you're right, Michael is a space heater!! I'd hope my lover would come after me... and it would be wonderful would it not?

Thanks again,

tim

Great job on the form for both of these poems, tim. The first was light and fun and I felt the cold. The second was serious, like an ode to someone. The rhyming worked really well here while the sentiment came through clearly. Powerful. I really enjoy rhyming couplets... I used them in my latest poem. Well done, my friend. Cheers... Gary...

My dear Tim. I have to admit I rarely used to read any of GAs poetry...until you came along, I find, surprisingly, I enjoy yours. Well not surprisingly....oh you know what I mean! BTW I posted the following as a story review, rather than a chapter review. So...here 'tis again.
BTW Tim. IMHO you truly deserve a capital "T"!!

Nice combo! The first had me laughing and the second was a bit sad. A little piece of life...

A couplet of poems?
Very different but both a good read

Well, the first thing I have to say may surprise you. Both of these poems show an ease and command of metre! I know you worked for quite a while on the Meter Prompt, so now the rewards are showing themselves. I'm trying to say that I bet you did not have to 'work on it' in these poems, but that a sense and feel for metre is now just a part of your toolkit as a poet. That's awesome.

I like both poems, and as this prompt was mainly about coming up with comfortable couplets (matched rhymes in consecutive lines), I think you did a great job in making them all pretty natural-sounding.

I look forward to seeing what you'll be tackling next!

On 12/14/2015 01:52 PM, Headstall said:

Great job on the form for both of these poems, tim. The first was light and fun and I felt the cold. The second was serious, like an ode to someone. The rhyming worked really well here while the sentiment came through clearly. Powerful. I really enjoy rhyming couplets... I used them in my latest poem. Well done, my friend. Cheers... Gary...

Thank you Gary. These actually didn't take long for me to write for a change. I noticed this form in your latest. I read it and felt it, and I know my review wasnt the best, but I just couldn't..tore me up that one. Thanks for your support Gary.. seriously... tim

On 12/14/2015 02:02 PM, Coastguard said:

My dear Tim. I have to admit I rarely used to read any of GAs poetry...until you came along, I find, surprisingly, I enjoy yours. Well not surprisingly....oh you know what I mean! BTW I posted the following as a story review, rather than a chapter review. So...here 'tis again.

BTW Tim. IMHO you truly deserve a capital "T"!!

Aw thank very much, Coastguard. I know what you mean and I'm truly humbled. Oh well there's reasons I refer to myself in lower case, but it's nothin bad. Thank you so much for reading my poetry, i really appreciate it... tim xo

On 12/14/2015 05:05 PM, Puppilull said:

Nice combo! The first had me laughing and the second was a bit sad. A little piece of life...

Thanks Puppilull!! In the prompt, AC said you can do silly or funny so I thought I'd try one of each. Glad it seemed to work.. thanks again for reading. I appreciate it.

tim

On 12/15/2015 01:25 AM, Bucket1 said:

A couplet of poems?

Very different but both a good read

Hi B!! Hey thank you for reading these.. lol i love it 'a couplet of poems' cool B!!! Thanks for your support and comments. I appreciate it..

tim

On 12/15/2015 06:32 AM, AC Benus said:

Well, the first thing I have to say may surprise you. Both of these poems show an ease and command of metre! I know you worked for quite a while on the Meter Prompt, so now the rewards are showing themselves. I'm trying to say that I bet you did not have to 'work on it' in these poems, but that a sense and feel for metre is now just a part of your toolkit as a poet. That's awesome.

 

I like both poems, and as this prompt was mainly about coming up with comfortable couplets (matched rhymes in consecutive lines), I think you did a great job in making them all pretty natural-sounding.

 

I look forward to seeing what you'll be tackling next!

Aw AC! Thanks. If I'm honest, I didn't think about metre as I wrote these. So thanks for all of your help setting up my toolkit!

Glad they worked. I think there are a couple of things that could be tweaked a bit. But mostly I'm happy. I'm gonna tackle prompt 6 next, whatever that is.. Thanks again for all of your help and patience, AC. I truly appreciate it.

tim