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    Mikiesboy
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The content presented here is for informational or educational purposes only. These are just the authors' personal opinions and knowledge.
Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are based on the authors' lives and experiences and may be changed to protect personal information. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
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Timmy's Journal - 10. Poetry Prompt 15

Okay yes, I've skipped a few prompts to do this one...
AC's Poetry Prompt 15
 
Okay, so I skipped a bunch of prompts but I will go back and do them! This is free verse but I understand (to my horror, yes) it has internal structure and the dreaded (by me) metre. This one's syllable count is
9-6-8-9-6-8-8-8-8-9-10
 
The prompt was to relate my personal reaction to the Kissing in the Poppy Field from Room With A View, so I decided to take the voyeur's view.
 
My Jealous Heart
 
I gaze upon the flowering hill,
above the sky’s so blue
He stands and waits, I know not why.
Can he not see the beauty ‘round him?
The poppies growing there?
He paces in the midday heat
Ah, then from afar I see her
Her beauty is untold, Rushing,
he kisses her sweet ruby lips,
Embraces they are boldly sharing
Oh would that be me - cries my jealous heart
I just liked this so much I had to give it a try.
Copyright © 2017 Mikiesboy; All Rights Reserved.
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The content presented here is for informational or educational purposes only. These are just the authors' personal opinions and knowledge.
Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are based on the authors' lives and experiences and may be changed to protect personal information. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

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It is another great poem :D Tim, I love how you can bring a scene to life :hug: You are so gifted :2thumbs:
Oh, one of the lines has seven syllables, but it flowed really well :)

 

You did a great job with the prompt :thumbup:

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I like it from the narrator's perspective. He is telling a story... there's a mystery, and he's wondering why. In the end you bring him in... how it affects him. It lets me visualize the man's impatience as he waits. Most important though, is what it tells me about the narrator. Well done, tim. There's a lot in these lines... cheers... Gary...

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On 11/02/2015 11:58 AM, Parker Owens said:

Remember the film well. Now love your poem, too. It reads and scans beautifully.

Hi Parker... Thank you for your review. I've never seen the film, but I think I'll watch it.

 

thanks for your comments, Parker.

 

tim

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First of all, thanks for taking the poetry prompt challenge! This kind is poem is pretty much what I had in mind when I set the task: for one, it IS personal ; ) and secondly, you were ware of the internal structure (or, it's dreaded metre). I had toyed with the idea of asking poets to post their syllable counts with their poems, but thought it might be too much to ask. Needless to say, I'm thrilled you did it! It helps me see you understood the exercise.

 

I love this poem. You did a really good job. I Agree with Drew that I can see and feel the scene, and also sense the emotions of the poet as witness.

 

Thank you, once again!

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Out of likes :heart: :heart: :heart:

 

Hey Tim
Don't know the film referenced but that's okay. I can still see into the mind of the observer and be a witness to what he sees. A poignant tale.
I don't know a thing about poetic internal structure, syllable count or metre, but this worked for me.
Nicely done.

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On 11/02/2015 12:00 PM, Drew Espinosa said:

It is another great poem :D Tim, I love how you can bring a scene to life :hug: You are so gifted :2thumbs:

Oh, one of the lines has seven syllables, but it flowed really well :)

 

You did a great job with the prompt :thumbup:

Hi Drew, thanks for letting me know about the error... I left out a word... and fixed it, thanks!! I appreciate your support and your comments..

 

tim

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On 11/02/2015 12:14 PM, Headstall said:

I like it from the narrator's perspective. He is telling a story... there's a mystery, and he's wondering why. In the end you bring him in... how it affects him. It lets me visualize the man's impatience as he waits. Most important though, is what it tells me about the narrator. Well done, tim. There's a lot in these lines... cheers... Gary...

Gary, thanks so much for the thoughtful comments. I wanted to be the guy watching, I think that it worked okay. The prompt my reaction and I wanted to be in her place.

 

Thanks Gary for all of your support,

 

tim

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On 11/02/2015 12:27 PM, AC Benus said:

First of all, thanks for taking the poetry prompt challenge! This kind is poem is pretty much what I had in mind when I set the task: for one, it IS personal ; ) and secondly, you were ware of the internal structure (or, it's dreaded metre). I had toyed with the idea of asking poets to post their syllable counts with their poems, but thought it might be too much to ask. Needless to say, I'm thrilled you did it! It helps me see you understood the exercise.

 

I love this poem. You did a really good job. I Agree with Drew that I can see and feel the scene, and also sense the emotions of the poet as witness.

 

Thank you, once again!

Hi AC, thank you so much for your comments. I just sort of followed what you wrote and the examples you gave in the prompt.It was pretty clear. I wanted to be the guy watching and the guy wanted to be there in place of the girl.

 

Thanks so much AC. I appreciate your support.

 

tim

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On 11/02/2015 12:31 PM, Reader1810 said:

Out of likes :heart: :heart: :heart:

 

Hey Tim

Don't know the film referenced but that's okay. I can still see into the mind of the observer and be a witness to what he sees. A poignant tale.

I don't know a thing about poetic internal structure, syllable count or metre, but this worked for me.

Nicely done.

Reader!! Thank you, well when it comes down to it.. your reaction to the poem is all that matters. But why not read the prompt, it's pretty interesting and you can see a couple of scenes from the film: http://www.gayauthors.org/forums/topic/40962-poetry-prompt-15-%E2%80%93-free-verse/#entry569887

 

Thanks as always for your support of my words.

 

tim

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This was a wonderfully unique perspective of this scene. The narrator wants to be the girl... he wants to be the won being kissed and desired. Beautifully done, Tim :)

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On 11/02/2015 01:11 PM, LitLover said:

This was a wonderfully unique perspective of this scene. The narrator wants to be the girl... he wants to be the won being kissed and desired. Beautifully done, Tim :)

LL, thank you very much. I'm glad this worked. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

 

tim

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