Timmy's Journal - 54. End of Days

Thank you.

Your words as always are powerful.

I'd already read the second one and understood the powerful rage. It needs a target becomes it becomes difficult to breathe. Grief is often accompanied by anger because some losses are just to unjust to comprehend.
The first one is about where we settle... the resignation as we calm. It's beautiful, tim. No one wants to be remembered with anger... but for what you say here. It's the in between that matters, and how we touch people with our time while we have it. These two go well together... I related... I wish you peace, my friend... gary xoxoxo

I agree with the others, you are a powerful poet, Tim.

The first poem reminds us all that even after we're gone, we continue to live in the hearts and minds of those who remain. Whether that memory is good or bad, is totally up to us and how we treat others. Beautiful Poem.
The second one broke my heart.

On 12/12/2016 03:21 AM, Okiegrad said:

The first poem reminds us all that even after we're gone, we continue to live in the hearts and minds of those who remain. Whether that memory is good or bad, is totally up to us and how we treat others. Beautiful Poem.

The second one broke my heart.

I am sorry for the hurt. I cannot believe, but know you and others do. I could not watch my children hurt. Could not watch while men hurt the 15 yr old me and say what?? That is good for me? That I'll be rewarded later? I just cannot believe that. But I will talk to you about it anytime. Thanks for reading even though it was hard. I appreciate that.

tim xoxo

On 12/12/2016 03:09 AM, AC Benus said:

I agree with the others, you are a powerful poet, Tim.

Thank you AC. You helped me so much on my journey. There is so much to learn. Your prompts and mentorship are beyond priceless. Thank you a million times.

tim xoxoxo

On 12/12/2016 03:00 AM, Headstall said:

I'd already read the second one and understood the powerful rage. It needs a target becomes it becomes difficult to breathe. Grief is often accompanied by anger because some losses are just to unjust to comprehend.

The first one is about where we settle... the resignation as we calm. It's beautiful, tim. No one wants to be remembered with anger... but for what you say here. It's the in between that matters, and how we touch people with our time while we have it. These two go well together... I related... I wish you peace, my friend... gary xoxoxo

Thanks Gary. Like AC, you have been there for me, since I first spoke/posted on GA. You have been a friend and a mentor as well. You haven't been afraid to pin my ears back either when i needed it!! and I have needed it. Didn't really have any good male role models in my life, but you're one of them now. No pressure though!

Thanks for reading.. and your wonderful comments.

tim xoxxo

On 12/12/2016 01:17 AM, Reader1810 said:

Perfect, just perfect. Both of them. :hug:

Thank you Reader. Appreciate your always reading my work and your comments..

tim xo

On 12/11/2016 11:29 PM, dughlas said:

Your words as always are powerful.

Thanks dugh. I know that Our Father? was likely difficult for you, i don't mean to hurt, they are my own views and i know they are not yours. I respect you and your feelings though they are different. Sometimes i wish i felt like you do.

Thanks for reading dugh and for your comments.

tim xoxxo

On 12/11/2016 05:52 PM, aditus said:

Thank you.

You're welcome, adi.

Thanks for reading and your comment ..

tim xo

Some powerful words, especially the second poem. I relate all to well to the anger and disgust at a concept of a 'loving' God of 'mysterious ways' that seem only callous, arbitrary, and full of schadenfreude. I won't say more than that or this will become a rant. Hugs to you.

Thank you tim... I get this, I feel it so deep. Ironic, I went to church today seeking I don't know what. I am not completely without faith, but it's failing me terribly. I take strange comfort in the fact that you give words to what I feel.

Hi, your words followed me the whole day.
I understand both feelings very well. And so many thoughts drifted through me, too much to write them all down in here.
So I selected two of them:
1)For me it is not important, if there is a god or not, to choose everyday to live my life trying to make the world a place worth living. In fact I think, looking for a reward like a place in heaven or whatever is not a good reason to care for other people ore animals and so on. It couldn`t be a book instead of my heart, that leads me.
2) I all to often feel the anger you described. Working in the school I do, I see each day children which aren`t cared for like I think children should be. I feel so much anger, because I can do so little. But on the other hand, this anger is very positive, because it transforms in my strength to fight for them, finding a way to make their circumstances a little better and my energy, which keeps me coming there, trying to give them a safe place for a few hours a day.
So my conclusion is: I am to stubborn to give in in feeling only the anger.
I hope that all I have written was a little understandable and dosen`t sound to confused. I just wanted to say you, your are not alone with this feelings, and they don`t have do be negative.
Great poems like always. Hug you.
Lyssa

On 12/12/2016 06:55 AM, Lux Apollo said:

Some powerful words, especially the second poem. I relate all to well to the anger and disgust at a concept of a 'loving' God of 'mysterious ways' that seem only callous, arbitrary, and full of schadenfreude. I won't say more than that or this will become a rant. Hugs to you.

Somehow, I think it would be a very good rant. I can't get my head around how you can just believe, to be honest it's like believing in Santa Claus. I don't know. Thanks for the wonderful comments Lux and for reading. I do appreciate it.

xo

On 12/12/2016 07:22 AM, Defiance19 said:

Thank you tim... I get this, I feel it so deep. Ironic, I went to church today seeking I don't know what. I am not completely without faith, but it's failing me terribly. I take strange comfort in the fact that you give words to what I feel.

Thanks Def. It's such a hard time and for you well, I know this has been annus horribilis. Have faith in your strength, in the ones who love you, one of which is me.

much love, Def xoxox

On 12/12/2016 07:32 AM, Lyssa said:

Hi, your words followed me the whole day.

I understand both feelings very well. And so many thoughts drifted through me, too much to write them all down in here.

So I selected two of them:

1)For me it is not important, if there is a god or not, to choose everyday to live my life trying to make the world a place worth living. In fact I think, looking for a reward like a place in heaven or whatever is not a good reason to care for other people ore animals and so on. It couldn`t be a book instead of my heart, that leads me.

2) I all to often feel the anger you described. Working in the school I do, I see each day children which aren`t cared for like I think children should be. I feel so much anger, because I can do so little. But on the other hand, this anger is very positive, because it transforms in my strength to fight for them, finding a way to make their circumstances a little better and my energy, which keeps me coming there, trying to give them a safe place for a few hours a day.

So my conclusion is: I am to stubborn to give in in feeling only the anger.

I hope that all I have written was a little understandable and dosen`t sound to confused. I just wanted to say you, your are not alone with this feelings, and they don`t have do be negative.

Great poems like always. Hug you.

Lyssa

Oh Lyssa. Oh such a beautiful thought, such a perfect way to live. Thank you for coming to write it down. Your heart is the thing to follow and trust.

The anger, yes. It was a reaction to some very sad news. And while I may be angry and want to hide away, it is never for long. Hours, maybe a day later and I am back. I never surrender, never give up for long. If I had when I was on my own, I wouldn’t be here now. But it was me who did that, me deciding that no matter what others did to me, I was going to live and get out. And when the time was right, I took the hand of someone who helped me, though I could never believe in his god. But I’m grateful to him, because he was a good man.

Thank you Lyssa for sharing your wisdom and thoughts. I appreciate it very much.

tim xoxxox

'I can't imagine the pain you feel'...and in this you begin a descent into the hurt of the observer and the observed. But after all the endings, you remind us how important the living is and always will be. This is a poem to live by, even as we cry out.

The second forces me to pay attention. Right now, I want to turn away from the pain and the anguish - but your words deny me that avenue of cowardice. The anger in your poem compels me to face it all, and everyone who hurts, who grieves, who cries out - and to embrace them.

What else can I do? Both your poems point to this: I can only offer love and support, or at least whatever I can manage through the ache in my heart. For if there is no father, then there must only be us left to hold, to comfort and to heal.

I despair. It's too much for me alone - or for any one of us, singly.

Maybe your poems insisted I remember that.

On 12/12/2016 12:56 PM, Parker Owens said:

'I can't imagine the pain you feel'...and in this you begin a descent into the hurt of the observer and the observed. But after all the endings, you remind us how important the living is and always will be. This is a poem to live by, even as we cry out.

 

The second forces me to pay attention. Right now, I want to turn away from the pain and the anguish - but your words deny me that avenue of cowardice. The anger in your poem compels me to face it all, and everyone who hurts, who grieves, who cries out - and to embrace them.

 

What else can I do? Both your poems point to this: I can only offer love and support, or at least whatever I can manage through the ache in my heart. For if there is no father, then there must only be us left to hold, to comfort and to heal.

 

I despair. It's too much for me alone - or for any one of us, singly.

 

Maybe your poems insisted I remember that.

Be here with us Parker, we all feel the same, we hurt and grieve for the one who is suffering and facing the ultimte fate. It is unfair and wrong and I can't fix it and that makes me weep. Yet all we can do is hope and reach out and accept. And if that time comes remember and celebrate that one of us that was taken too soon...much much much too soon.

tim xoxxo

You posted these poems on a day I will never forget, Tim.

The first one breaks my heart, thinking of those who were taken from us way too soon.

The second poem I can so totally relate. The first time I stopped believing in God was when my favorite grandma died. I must have been about ten or eleven. My mom was hysterical. I thought, why would a God who's supposed to love everybody take my grandma away? The second time I stopped believing in Him was when my dad died. Of course it was totally my dad's fault -- the doctor warned him to stop smoking and drinking, but he didn't. At least he died in his favorite place -- the bar -- after his massive coronary. But at the time, I still blamed God.

Why would a God take people from their loved ones? Take people who are still needed? Why on earth would God make "parents" (and I use that term very loosely), who kick their children to the curb for something the children have no control over? Why would God give people these horrible diseases and destroy families? I understand all that anger and hurt and devastation.

Thank you, Tim, for your beautiful poetry. Many of your poems make me cry, but that's a good thing, Tim, because that means they affected me in a powerful way.

On 3/26/2017 at 1:40 PM, Lisa said:

You posted these poems on a day I will never forget, Tim.

 

The first one breaks my heart, thinking of those who were taken from us way too soon.

 

The second poem I can so totally relate. The first time I stopped believing in God was when my favorite grandma died. I must have been about ten or eleven. My mom was hysterical. I thought, why would a God who's supposed to love everybody take my grandma away? The second time I stopped believing in Him was when my dad died. Of course it was totally my dad's fault -- the doctor warned him to stop smoking and drinking, but he didn't. At least he died in his favorite place -- the bar -- after his massive coronary. But at the time, I still blamed God.

 

Why would a God take people from their loved ones? Take people who are still needed? Why on earth would God make "parents" (and I use that term very loosely), who kick their children to the curb for something the children have no control over? Why would God give people these horrible diseases and destroy families? I understand all that anger and hurt and devastation.

 

Thank you, Tim, for your beautiful poetry. Many of your poems make me cry, but that's a good thing, Tim, because that means they affected me in a powerful way.

Oh Lisa!  I'm so sorry this is so late.. i guess we could talk about why forever.. why believe in stuff you cannot see, cannot feel?  I enjoy the sports people who say oh god was on my side.. but who cares that he f'kd over my partner, my friends, the opposition.  Is that what a 'fair and just' God does???  Oh its God's will .. who says? You? (not you Lisa) And just who are you to think you are able to tell us what God means?  That's rather presumptuous isn't it?  To think you are above god and able to tell us what he means???  That you just a mere human has that devine understanding???  Spare me .. sorry  ranting.. Lisa.. hugs I'm sorry for your loss.. Thank you for reading.. i'm so sorry i missed this until now xoxoxxo