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    Mikiesboy
  • Mikiesboy
  • Author
  • 03/26/2016
  • 343 Words
  • 1,783 Views
  • 12 Comments
The content presented here is for informational or educational purposes only. These are just the authors' personal opinions and knowledge.
Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are based on the authors' lives and experiences and may be changed to protect personal information. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Timmy's Journal - 32. Italian Sonnets Poetry Prompt 10

The prompt: write one Italian Sonnet about a recent dream. Use the quatrains to paint the sights, sounds, and other senses of the dream in an unsentimental way. With the sestet, introduce the emotions of how the dream made you feel. Keep consistent 10-syllable lines.

Okay I wrote two, mainly because I realized after writing the first one that I'd messed it up by using the 'wrong' rhyming pattern. Oh well. Well it's not wrong, but it wasn't what AC's prompt asked for.

The first has a rhyme pattern of: a-b-b-a c-d-d-c e-f-e-f-e-f

 

Owned

On the edge of the bed he sat waiting

His gaze full of longing and fixed on me.

I am locked in place while he holds the key

His desire, like endless thirst needs slaking.

 

Fingers of steel grasp, my body is his

And he uses me for his own pleasure.

In climax he cries out; calls me Treasure

Says I've got what it takes for this biz.

 

He cannot think my bright tears are of joy

What he has done and wants is a horror

Each night he sends us like troops to deploy

We are sheep, none of us an explorer

Do as you are ordered—I'm a good boy

In the morning, he gets every dollar

 

 

The second has the prompt's pattern of: a-b-b-a; a-b-b-a; c-d-c-d-c-d.

 

 

Dream

In a field of flowers he stands forlorn

Mourning a lover taken far too soon

On the singing stone is carved a love rune

Disconsolate tears fall on cheeks timeworn.

 

He guards the sweet granite until the morn

Patiently waiting an answer in tune

And from his lover's spirit came a boon

Revealing the afterlife’s not lovelorn.

 

Oh, I wish for a love so strong and fine

With a man who wants no other but me

Our beating hearts rejoice and intertwine

Honesty, hope and joy will set us free

Walking hand in hand I know you are mine

But you are a dream—with me just briefly

Thanks AC .. yes I grumble but I love the prompts!!
Thanks to all of you who read, like and/or review my poetry, I appreciate it!
Copyright © 2017 Mikiesboy; All Rights Reserved.
  • Like 8
The content presented here is for informational or educational purposes only. These are just the authors' personal opinions and knowledge.
Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are based on the authors' lives and experiences and may be changed to protect personal information. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

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Chapter Comments

Headstall

I loved them both, tim. The first one is very stark... you pull no punches with it, and It matters not to me about the rhyming... I felt it as a cry... a resigned cry...
The second one is more about the beauty of love, yet it is indeed 'forlorn' ... the narrator's heartfelt wish seen in another couple... it too is a cry... well done, tim... cheers... Gary....

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dughlas

I like them and yet ... the first describes a surrender to circumstance, the second though is tender in it's wanting.
Had you not said the rhyming was "wrong" I would not have known. I applaud you. I seem unable to get my mind to think in this way. Perhaps it's lazy and abhors the work required. Kudos.

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Reader1810
  • Site Moderator

Hey tim
Getting the rhyming wrong is okay by me. Even though I read your intro (I like that you explain what you are doing by putting that in btw :) ), I didn't notice anything remiss. It was a smooth and easy read even if the subject matter was not.
Your subject matter is compelling and it brings out a need in me to hug your protagonist...to have the power to set him free from all that pains him.
As always, nicely done.

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Mikiesboy
On 03/26/2016 03:06 PM, Headstall said:

I loved them both, tim. The first one is very stark... you pull no punches with it, and It matters not to me about the rhyming... I felt it as a cry... a resigned cry...

The second one is more about the beauty of love, yet it is indeed 'forlorn' ... the narrator's heartfelt wish seen in another couple... it too is a cry... well done, tim... cheers... Gary....

Hi Gary, thanks these were rather a lot of work so I'm glad worked.

 

Thanks for reading and your comments...tim

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Mikiesboy
On 03/26/2016 09:46 PM, dughlas said:

I like them and yet ... the first describes a surrender to circumstance, the second though is tender in it's wanting.

Had you not said the rhyming was "wrong" I would not have known. I applaud you. I seem unable to get my mind to think in this way. Perhaps it's lazy and abhors the work required. Kudos.

Hi, dugh. These were hard to write, to make them sound unforced, and I'm still not sure they dont. Thank you for your comments, I appreciate it!

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Mikiesboy
On 03/27/2016 12:34 AM, Reader1810 said:

Hey tim

Getting the rhyming wrong is okay by me. Even though I read your intro (I like that you explain what you are doing by putting that in btw :) ), I didn't notice anything remiss. It was a smooth and easy read even if the subject matter was not.

Your subject matter is compelling and it brings out a need in me to hug your protagonist...to have the power to set him free from all that pains him.

As always, nicely done.

Cool! I'm glad you like me blathering on about stuff. The rhymes aren't wrong for the form just the prompt. And now that im writing this a thought is creeping into my head and i wonder if ive done the second one correctly.. oh boy. Anyway, thanks for reading these Reader!! Glad they worked... tim xo

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LitLover

Both are sad in different ways, but the second seems to also have some hope. Like the others, I didn't notice anything amiss in the rhyming. In fact, I really enjoyed the way the poems flowed.

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AC Benus

In these two examples of the form you have shown how versatile Italian Sonnets can be. The first one is like a story, and the sestet follows through on how the boy feels. In the second one, the quatrains again paint a picture, but then the sestet steps back from the abstract and 'gets personal.'

 

I love these two. They are fascinating, and upsetting and beautifully written. I think you've done a great job!

Edited by AC Benus
  • Love 2
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Mikiesboy
On 03/27/2016 03:20 AM, LitLover said:

Both are sad in different ways, but the second seems to also have some hope. Like the others, I didn't notice anything amiss in the rhyming. In fact, I really enjoyed the way the poems flowed.

LL, oh im always happy when you enjoy poetry! I say only because you said once you didnt understand it.. just makes me feel good when i see you enjoyed some, mine or others!

 

Thanks for reading these and for your comments!

 

tim xo

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Mikiesboy
On 03/27/2016 04:51 AM, AC Benus said:

In these two examples of the form you have shown how versatile Italian Sonnets can be. The first one is like a story, and the sestet follows through on how the boy feels. In the second one, the quatrains again paint a picture, but then the sestet steps back from the abstract and 'gets personal.'

 

I love these two. They are fascinating, and upsetting and beautify written. I think you've done a great job!

Thanks AC. These were very hard to write and took me ages. I'm glad you liked them. I'm not sure still. But I'll come back to them.. Thanks again.

 

tim xo

  • Like 1
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Parker Owens

Tim, I know I am late in reviewing, but these are so powerful, so eloquent. Owned is a horror, expertly written and you make me feel its intensity and outrage. I want to hurt the man who is hurting you. Dream makes me cry out differently, for the pain of a love that seems like a mirage rather than a destiny. And we should all be loved this way; it ought not be a dream at all. I admire your rhyme and attention to the structure...it flows easily, and pulls me along as a reader. Molto bravo!

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Mikiesboy
On 03/27/2016 06:55 AM, Parker Owens said:

Tim, I know I am late in reviewing, but these are so powerful, so eloquent. Owned is a horror, expertly written and you make me feel its intensity and outrage. I want to hurt the man who is hurting you. Dream makes me cry out differently, for the pain of a love that seems like a mirage rather than a destiny. And we should all be loved this way; it ought not be a dream at all. I admire your rhyme and attention to the structure...it flows easily, and pulls me along as a reader. Molto bravo!

Aw Parker, you're not even close to late. Teachers aren't tardy!! Thanks for reading these and for your commens... these took me so long to figure out and then I saw that i'd done the first one wrong! Argh.

 

Appreciate your support of my writing.

 

tim xo

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