Morningstar: The Malaise - 29. Chapter 29 Not Such A Bad Thing

Morningstar: The Malaise

Chapter 29

“Do you mind if we join you two handsome men?”

“Duh. Of course not. That’s why I waved you over,” Tobyn answered with an amused head shake as he stood to pull a chair out.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” Tilly said as she sat down.

“We both are,” Kellar said. “Are you lovely ladies going to have breakfast with us? Ours are on the way.” He sat back down after helping Adelin get seated.

“No. We were in earlier and had mushroom omelets. I don’t know what she does that’s different, but Joanne makes the best ones,” Tilly answered. “So what happened to you guys last night? We thought you wanted to talk to us about something?”

Tobyn retook his seat after Tilly was settled, and Kellar watched the flush creep up his neck, trying not to smirk at his sudden discomfort.

“Yeah, sorry about that. We fell asleep.” He winked at Tobyn, who busied himself with his napkin and silverware.

“Didn’t you hear us knock? We came by twice.” Adelin was looking directly at the blond man sitting across the table, and Kellar couldn’t help grinning at his now very evident full-blown blush.

Tobyn shot his mate a glare. “Yeah, we weren’t home. We went for a run.”

Tilly looked from her sister to Kellar, and then to Tobyn. “I’m confused. I thought you said you fell asleep?”

“We did. I uh… took Kellar up to Eagle’s Nest Bluff and we ended up drifting off for a while.”

“Oh. Ohhhh,” Tilly said with a slow-developing giggle. “Oh my. I haven’t been up there in years. That place is so romantic, don’t you think, Kellar?”

He responded to her obvious mirth and the twinkle in her eyes. “Uh huh. Very romantic. It’s a nice place to relax after a long run. Right, Tobyn?”

The mumbled response was met with more giggles, this time from both girls. “Okay, okay. So we fell asleep at Eagle’s Nest. Can we change the subject now? And could you please stop grinning,” he directed at his mate with a scowl.

“Don’t worry about him. He always gets this way when he’s embarrassed.” Tilly stuck her tongue out at her long-time friend.

“I’m not embarrassed! I just don’t….”

“Okay. Changing the subject now. Stop frowning before your face freezes like that. So what did you want to talk to us about? We already know what Tobyn doesn’t want to talk about.” Her renewed giggle had her sister joining her.

“Tilly.”

“Yes, Tobyn?”

“You’re being a pain in the ass, and it’s not funny. Could you behave, please?”

“Okay, pumpkin. I’ll try. So, gentlemen, are you going to tell us what you wanted to discuss or not?”

“Pumpkin?” Kellar reached over and grabbed Tobyn’s hand, getting a hint of a smile to go with an eye roll. “Actually, it was Adelin we wanted to talk to. I don’t know if we should talk here, though?”

“Why me, and why can’t we talk here? The dining room is empty.”

He half turned in his seat after Tobyn shrugged. “Okay, well the thing is… ah… I guess there’s only one way to say this. I know who your earth mate is.” He wasn’t prepared for the sudden squeal from the girl, nor the one that followed from her sister.

“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! You’re not kidding me, are you? Who is he? Who’s my mate?”

He looked at Tobyn and received another shrug.

“Don’t look at me. This is your show, doc.”

“Kellar, answer the question. Why are you stalling? Is something wrong with him? Why are you looking like that?” She was now gripping his arm with surprising strength.

“I’m not stalling. Which question?”

“Kellar!”

“Okay, okay.” He held up his hands, but she still kept her nails dug into him. “Can you calm down and let go of me?”

Adelin’s response was a glare and more pressure.

“All right then. Never mind. It’s just… well, he’s not what you might expect, so anyway, yeah, he’s my brother; his name is Warren, and….”

The next squeal was even louder. “Your brother? Oh, please tell me he looks like you.”

Tobyn exploded with laughter just as Tilly interrupted. “But I thought you told me Kellar had no family? Isn’t that what you said?”

“Yes, I did,” Tobyn said through his laughter. “Sorry, Adelin, but there’s only one of my mate. Warren happens to be his foster-brother.”

“Foster-brother?” The girl looked confused. “I don’t understand. How can…?”

“See, that’s the thing. He’s human. He’s not a shifter.” He was hesitant to continue as he watched her turn her head from him to her sister; her expression was impossible to decipher.

You could have easily heard a pin drop. She opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it.

“Adelin?” Tobyn asked with sudden concern. “Are you all right?”

“Uh huh… yes, I’m fine. So my mate’s human. Okay. I thought they weren’t supposed to know about us, though? Does he know about me, Kellar?”

“No, he doesn’t, not yet, and it’s true they shouldn’t be aware of us, but Warren was there the first time I shifted. He, ah… he found out the hard way that we do exist, after he slammed me in the back with the bathroom door and pissed me off. I guess it was a pretty scary thing for him to see, but he does know about shifters… well, only that we exist. He says he’s not afraid of us anymore.”

“Adelin? Are you sure you’re okay?” Tobyn asked again. “You don’t look too happy.”

“What? Oh yeah… I’m sure, and I am happy. I never considered my mate wouldn’t be a shifter so it was a surprise, but I don’t care about that. So, he has the same color pattern as me?” She had turned back to Kellar.

“Identical, except for the burnt umber that only shifters have. I saw it when I met you, but I didn’t know what matching patterns meant at the time. I’d only seen mine and Tobyn’s at that point, so when I saw you matched my human brother’s, I figured it must be a more common occurrence than I’d initially suspected.”

“But… you would have known after Elinor met Denver, right? What it meant? You said they proved to you mates had matching patterns,” she said with an accusation in her voice. “Why didn’t you tell me then, and where is he? Is he okay?”

He groaned. “Yes, he is. He’s fine, and I’m sorry. I know I should have told you, but I really had to talk to him first. As far as where he is… he was in New Brunswick when I got hold of him.” Kellar rubbed his face, dreading the rest of the conversation.

“Was? What the heck do you mean, was?” Adelin’s eyes were blazing, and he couldn’t tell if she was angry or excited.

“Ah, yeah, he’s on his way here now, by train. He’s going to get here… no, not here, Cochrane… so four, maybe five hours away… I’ve never driven there before… in the morning, the day after tomorrow, but….”

“The day after tomorrow? Oh that’s wonderful news.” She lightened her grasp on his arm and he sighed in relief. Surprising strength in such a little package. “So I’m going to go meet him? I can’t wait. What’s he look like? Is he tall like you at least?”

Tobyn chuckled again, and Tilly, after her initial shrill outburst at the news, finally smiled.

“He’s tall, but not like me. He’s about six feet or so, and he’s got lighter hair than I do, but it isn’t blond. But Adelin….”

“What color are his eyes? Does he have a nice body… ah, face, I mean?”

This time Tobyn snorted, and Tilly snickered while Adelin had perfectly round pink circles appear on her cheeks.

“Adelin, you need to let me finish what I have to say. His eyes are darker blue than mine, and his face is okay, I suppose. It used to be… I mean, it seemed like he was popular with girls in high school. Now don’t ask me anything else for a minute, okay? And could you maybe let go of me?”

“Oh, I love blue eyes. How much darker? Sorry. I’ll let you talk now,” she promised with a huge grin spreading across her face. Finally, she let him have his arm back.

“Thank you.” He reached over and squeezed his mate’s hand again, and got an encouraging one in return. “All right, so you need to know this. He’s had it tough for the last three years. Seeing me shift freaked him out big time. He was doing drugs before that, but I found out he got into them a lot heavier after I left. I took off from my foster family the same day I met my wolf, and never spoke to them again until yesterday. Warren’s just getting out of rehab for the second time in three years. What that’s going to mean, I don’t know, but physically he could be a wreck. His parents, Karen and Don, are pretty cold people, or at least they can be—their church is more important than their son. Anyway, they’ve disowned him, so he has nowhere else to go. I offered him a new start here if he passes my brother interview.” He watched Adelin raise her eyebrows at that, but appreciated she stayed silent. “So when I meet him, I’m going to feel him out, and if I think I can trust him, I’ll tell him about Morningstar… and you.”

“If?! What is that supposed to mean?” Her eyes showed definite fire again as she reclaimed his arm, nails digging back into the same spots. “Of course you’re going to tell him about me, and as far as interviews, I’ll be doing my own. Don’t even think about deciding anything for me. I won’t have it, not from you or anyone else. I know I can never repay you for what you’ve given me, but he is my mate.”

His jaw dropped at her bristling words. Where did the sweet young girl disappear to? A ‘tsk tsk’ from Tilly got his attention.

“Really, Kellar? You men are all the same. Us poor little she-wolves need to be protected from everything. As if. Trust me. My sister might be tiny, but she’s tough as nails. She’s already able to shift and hold it for an hour in the evening. She might still be recovering, but she’s more than capable of handling one human man.”

“I’m sorry. Adelin, I was just….”

“I know what you’re trying to do, and I get it, so I’ll go along with you to a point,” she warned as she lightened her hold on his forearm. “It’s awful what has happened to him, and I know you’re worried about me because of his history with drugs, but you don’t need to be.” She looked thoughtful as she stared at him. “I’ll tell you what. You can have your ‘brother’ thing first, but I’m going to talk to him too, and understand this, Kellar. I’ll be the one deciding if I want him at Morningstar... fair enough?”

“Fair enough.”

“And whatever I decide, you all have to mind your own business.” She looked around the quiet table, getting nods before refocusing on him.

“Ah, yeah. You’re absolutely right. It should be your decision. But, just don’t expect too much from Warren Apsley. To be honest, I hated the bastard when I lived with him. He was a pr… he was a real jerk, and he made my life a living hell.”

“If he was that bad, why did you offer him this chance, then?” Did he sense a defensive tone in her voice?

“I did it for you, and for the pack.”

Tobyn cleared his throat, catching Kellar’s eye. “That’s not the whole truth, is it, mountain man?”

It was Kellar’s turn to glare, but it softened immediately. “No, I guess not. The fact is I felt sorry for the guy. He sounded genuine when we talked, and his parents are being pious dicks to him, so I offered to give him this new start. I want to help my foster-brother. Satisfied?”

“Yup. There’s my lovable, big-hearted mate.” Tobyn smirked, and Kellar couldn’t help but melt further.

The girls left to go reorganize some commitments and pack for the upcoming road trip, leaving Kellar and Tobyn to their breakfasts. They were practically bouncing as they walked out. Kellar couldn’t help wondering what they needed to pack for a one day trip.

“Well that went well, doc. Adelin couldn’t have cared less that Warren is human after she got over the shock of it… and the drug issue didn’t seem to faze her either. I was a little worried how Tilly would react to it all, but she seemed genuinely happy for her.”

“Yeah, that girl had some fire in her, didn’t she? I was surprised at how feisty she was, and strong,” he said as he rubbed at the marks on his arm. “But Tilly was right… I should have known better. I think it took Tilly a few minutes to get used to the idea Warren is human, but yeah, she did seem happy for her sister.” Kellar returned to eating his breakfast, and Tobyn did the same. All was quiet for a few hunger-driven minutes.

“Do you blame yourself for what happened to Warren?”

Kellar looked up from his plate. “Where did that come from? It’s not my fault he’s a drug addict.”

“Uh huh. Reformed drug addict.”

“Hope so,” Kellar mumbled as he shoveled in more scrambled eggs.

“You know this mate thing works really well. So well that I can tell when you’re full of shit.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You do blame yourself. I could hear it in your voice when you were talking with Adelin, and I heard it at the diner on the highway, but I wasn’t sure what it was. I am now. Are you lying to yourself or just to me?”

Kellar stopped eating altogether and put down his fork. He didn’t try to prevent the pained expression he suddenly wore. “The first thing Warren asked of me on the phone was to tell him he wasn’t crazy… that it really happened. He said all these therapists and doctors were saying he was… I don’t know… delusional, I guess. My shifting really fucked him up, Tobyn. For three years. He was just a pothead up until then, although Karen said they found some coke in his room too.”

“And that’s your fault?”

“When the change first happened, I put gouges in his leg with my claws and I came close to doing more. I felt so much fucking rage,” Kellar admitted before hanging his head. “Later, I scared him so bad, he peed himself. I did it on purpose, and threatened if he ever told anyone, I’d come after him.” He kept his eyes focused on the table top.

“For Pete’s sake, give yourself a break. You were sixteen, and going through your first shift without any guidance whatsoever. You’ve already said he made your life a living hell, and that he’d just hit you with a door. He was an ‘asshole extraordinaire’ as you said before, am I right?"

He looked up into his mate's face and nodded.

“So he’s lucky you didn’t kill him. Your self-control had to have been amazing. Fuck, man, it’s a tough enough time when we know what’s happening, and you were completely in the dark.”

“I didn’t need to be so mean to him. I lifted him up by the neck, Tobyn. That was hours after I changed. I let him think I would kill him, so it’s no wonder he got messed up like he did.”

Tobyn grabbed both of his hands in a firm clasp, ignoring the almost empty juice glass he knocked over. “Listen to me. You did nothing wrong. Do you not understand how strong a wolf’s survival instincts are when he first comes out? Most of us feel that rage at the beginning, before we get our bearings. You did what you had to do. You knew you couldn’t trust Warren so you warned him, and it turns out you were right. If he’d been a good brother would you have still threatened him?”

“No. No way.” He considered his answer and knew he’d answered truthfully. It gave his guilt some absolution. “So, everyone feels that rage?”

“Yeah, pretty much, and for some it’s a real struggle to keep in check. That’s why no one should be alone or unprepared for the first shift. It’s like the wolf is slamming all his instincts into our brain at once, and self-preservation is the strongest. It takes a while for us to feel safe, and the fact you were angry at Warren and didn’t full-out attack him blows my mind.

“I don’t understand how you got through that by yourself, but I’m proud of you. You always say a healer is who you are, and maybe that played a part in your ability to take charge of your wolf so quickly. Anyway, Warren had to make his own way in the world just like you did, but the difference is you did it alone. He had a family, ideal or not. If he fucked it up, that’s on him, not you. I’m glad you want to help him, but please don’t do it out of guilt. If he gets that idea, he may try to take advantage and if that happens he’ll have me to deal with. I don’t want to have to come between you and your brother but I will if he screws with you.”

“Message received. I was feeling guilty, but I don’t anymore. I guess there really was no other way to deal with him at the time. I was so frightened of the rage I felt, and I worried for a long time I would feel it again, but I never have. It’s nice to know it happens to the majority of us at the beginning. I don’t feel so bad about it now, so thank you. I know you’re always looking out for me… it’s something I haven’t had before.”

“You’re welcome. Anytime.”

“I’m never going to be able to hide anything from you, am I?”

“Nope, but it’s a two way street, mountain man. I’m an open book too, and if I have to get used to it, so do you. I seem to remember you commenting last night on how predictable I was.”

“I only meant….”

“I know what you meant. You understand me in a way even I don’t and it’s the same for me with you. I don’t think that’s such a bad thing,” Tobyn said, his loving look holding Kellar captive.

“Yeah, I don’t either. The fringe benefits make it all worth it.”

“You’ll get no argument from me, my mate”