Morningstar: The Malaise - 56. Destiny Begets Destiny

Morningstar: The Malaise

Chapter 56

Again, a lull occurred in the conversation. Kellar sat in quiet contemplation. He didn’t blame his grandfather for the contentious disconnect with his mother. According to Elinor, Miss Sybil, and now her own father, Gigi was a strong, independent, and maybe even willful individual. ‘As alpha as he was,’ Fendral had said about his daughter.

Her determination had most assuredly been fueled by her own mother passing down the family prophecy, and the obligation that came with it. She’d had no choice but to follow her destiny, and his grandfather understood that now. As he’d confessed to Kellar and Tobyn, fear overrode everything else at what must have been a desolate time.

Fendral had lost so much. Even to this day, without copper protection, it was an extremely dangerous world out there. Back then there was no hiding from hunters, and the paranoia surrounding departures from pack lands was warranted. He could see the rift from both sides, and in the end, they’d both been right. It was doubtful he would ever know what his mother had encountered after she left Morningstar. He could only hope she’d been happy in those years. There might be some more answers back in New Brunswick, but he didn’t feel driven to search for them. He was satisfied with the ones he already had. Would this feeling change? Maybe, but for now he would enjoy the peace he enjoyed in this moment.

What his grandfather had just said, about being proud of who he was and where he came from, had gotten through to him. He was the product of a long line of heroes, from his mother all the way back to Cahlar. But his father, the healer, had played a big part too. He saw that clearly now. He was no reincarnation, but if some shifters chose to think otherwise, it didn’t make him any less Kellar.

“Grandfather?”

“Yes?” Fendral was looking weary, but Kellar would let him decide when he wanted to rest again.

“Was it coincidence, or did something else bring you to my cabin?”

“Yeah, I was wondering that too,” Tobyn said.

“It was not a coincidence,” the older man said with conviction. “I didn’t have a clue where my wolf was headed, but there was a purpose to our journey south. I’m not sure how to explain it, but there was a period of time… years… where it seemed like we were waiting for something. We were being guided… I’m certain of it. I’d like to think it was Esther. She once told me I would have to hang on at some point in the future, at a time when I could find no reason to. She said I had to keep going every single day no matter what, and no matter how long it took, but when I asked what she meant, she had no answer… only that I would be needed for something in my wolf form. She didn’t know for what or why, she just knew it. Your grandmother made me promise. She made me swear on our bond and the earth mother, and I did. It was a promise I didn’t break. I know it sounds cryptic, but that’s how Esther was. Like I told you, she knew things. She never doubted her ability, and neither did I.”

“What does that have to do with showing up at my cabin, sir?”

“It’s the only explanation I have. With the feelings I had before and after, it fits. Do you know you smell like clover most of the time?”

Kellar was thrown by the question, but Tobyn reacted right away.

“He’s right, doc. You do. Sometimes it’s strong, like when my wolf runs through a clover field after a rain. Other times it’s like the sunbaked red-clover hay I used to help stack every summer. We all have our subtle differences, but I’ve never smelled anything like that from another shifter.”

“I have,” Fendral said. “Your mother and grandmother both carried the same one, exactly as Tobyn describes. I never would have come within a mile of you if not for that clover smell. It was such a comfort to experience that scent mixed with wolf again after all those years. It’s what drew me to you, and I didn’t want to leave it. Remember the day our wolves played?”

“Of course. It was a new thing for me, and I loved it. You left when I shifted back.”

“That’s right. It was a strange thing for me. I didn’t understand why I would even want to interact with you. My wolf went more on instinct than thought. Now I get it, but at the time I couldn’t fathom a connection. If you had looked like Gisla, or anyone else in our family, it might have been different, and I might have put something together because of that familiar scent. Or maybe if I could have shifted back and had a clearer mind.”

“So, my scent brought you there?”

“No, certainly not. As I said, my wolf took us south for whatever reason, but your scent kept me around. Every time I tried to leave the area and head back to Morningstar, I would end up making my way back because it felt wrong, and it was a good job I did.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because I came across two hunters headed towards your woods, and I led one of them away. My senses were great that day, and I heard them talking from far off. After what I heard, I showed myself, and the younger one ended up taking the bait. He followed me, but the other man went to catch the two-sided one. He said that pelt would be worth a fortune, and if it took days, he’d get that monster. I think he was referring to the size of your wolf,” Fendral said, taking a second to grin. “It’s funny how much clearer my human mind was that day. I knew he was talking about you and your coat, Grandson, so he must have already seen you at some time.”

“You were there?” Tobyn asked, an incredulous look on his face. “We never scented you.”

“I’m not surprised with all that elk stink. But no, I wasn’t there when you killed that hunter. I arrived after you left, and as soon as I saw your tracks leading away, I hightailed it out of there. I knew you were both fine. I think that’s when I suspected you were mates. Your scents had changed… combined. It was you who finished him, wasn’t it? I could smell you on the parts you tore off him,” he directed at Tobyn.

Tobyn nodded, his eyes going to a dumbfounded Kellar. “So, if you hadn’t done that, Kellar would have been facing two.”

“We would have been facing two, babe. So, you saved us… is that what you meant by Esther’s message? It was what you were meant to hold on for?”

“At the time, I didn’t much think about the why. I’d never done anything like it before, but it just felt right to do it. Fear is a wolf’s friend, but I felt none the whole time I played with that killer. It was satisfying. I kept the bastard moving as far and as long as I could. It worked best when I traveled well off, and then came back from a different direction. I’d make a noise he could hear. He stopped a few times, but as soon as I moved away, he’d start following again, cursing the whole time. My hearing hasn’t been that good since,” he said with another grin.

“He finally picked his spot, though, and set those damn traps, but by then he was a long way from your area. I kept moving in and out of range. It didn’t matter the direction of the wind… he always reacted when I closed the distance between us. I thought they could somehow smell us, but that’s where that pulse comes in, doesn’t it?”

“Yes. It’s the silver they all wear that alerted him to your presence. It can work at a fair distance too.”

“Great discovery, that. I’ve got to meet this brother of yours. If he’s your brother, that would make me his grandfather too, wouldn’t it?”

“Yes, it would. He’d love that. Warren will like you, and you’ll like him.”

“I’m sure I will… wee Adelin’s mate, eh? I’ve missed so much. Okay, so like I was saying, at that time I was surviving more on instinct than thought, but sitting here now, it all makes sense. It has to be the reason I finally stopped thinking about my promise to Esther. I was meant to find you, and I did.”

“You were meant to save us.”

“That’s another way of putting it.” Fendral acknowledged, but he hung his head. “I guess I should have given more credence to my mate back then. Losing her made me… less, and I let fear for Gisla override my mate’s wishes.” He visibly struggled for a few seconds and then mustered up a small smile. “Esther and I were so good together, but that woman was a challenge. She probably would have said the same about me.”

“I think you did give her credence, Grandfather. You hung on for all these years because she asked you to… way longer than any other shifter ever heard of who chooses their wolf. The entire pack is astounded by your resilience, and that includes me. We don’t know how you managed, but Tobyn and I have learned the earth mother has her ways. My mom did what she had to do, and so did you. I’d love to hear more about my grandmother when you’re up to it.”

“She was the perfect mate for an alpha. When I took on my responsibilities, she shared the load. I have a thousand stories for you.” Again, he looked wistful. Kellar glanced at his own mate, and they shared a look. His grandfather had just described Tobyn as well.

“Should we tell him who those hunters were, doc?”

“He should know. It might give him peace to hear the truth.”

“I agree. It should come from you… I hate talking about them.”

“I know you do, babe.”

“Grandfather?”

“Yes, Grandson?” The old man squeezed out a smile, fooling no one. He’d been lost in his memories of Esther.

“That hunter you led away… and the other one….”

“Yes?”

“They were two of the three who murdered my parents.”

“My Gisla? Are you sure?”

“Yes, sir. They’re all dead now. Warren shot the one you led away that day. After we discovered the protection of copper, we hunted him down on pack lands, but he was a crafty son-of-a-bitch. My brother ended up saving my mate, but that’s a story that can wait till later. And you know Tobyn killed the other one, and saved me in the process. The third one, he was an older brother, the father of the young one. The one Tobyn rescued me from said shifters had murdered his older brother, so that’s the lot of them.”

“How do you know they were the ones?”

“Because of Miss Sybil’s vision. My father managed to slash the face of the one Tobyn later killed. It left a huge scar over his eye and on his cheek. Miss Sybil described some other details, and it had to be them. Their name was Reznick. If the bragging the older one did was accurate, they were responsible for the deaths of close to a thousand shifters over the years.”

When Kellar finished speaking, Fendral looked away. He was about to ask the man if he was okay when he turned back to face him. “I saw that scar. I was close enough I could have got one of them.”

“No, sir,” Tobyn said, shaking his head. “You couldn’t have. You would have been another notch on that old one’s walking stick if you’d tried. They’d have felt your presence, and would’ve been ready for anything. They were beyond dangerous.”

“He’s right,” Kellar agreed. “As good as it might have felt to try, you would have died, and none of us would be here now, talking to each other. You did the best thing possible by splitting them up and leading one away. It allowed us to defeat old Reznick, and survive. And, it allowed us to eventually take out the younger one.”

“I thought Warren did that.”

“He did. You could say we were a one-two punch.” Kellar tried a little grin. “Please don’t regret anything. You didn’t know, and that was a good thing. It all turned out the way it was supposed to.”

“Are you all right, sir? We thought you would want to know.”

“Yes, Tobyn, I’m glad you guys told me, and I’m fine. If anything, I feel more satisfaction in the part my wolf played, and in knowing those shifter-killers no longer walk the earth.” A weak smile followed before he closed his eyes.

“Grandfather?” Kellar asked after a minute had passed.

Fendral came back from wherever his mind had gone. “Yes?”

“Can I ask you one more thing? I know you’re tired.”

“Ask me anything you want.”

“Okay… I was just wondering. Now that your condition is improving, do you intend to take back your responsibilities one day?”

“You mean as Alpha? God, no.” Fendral reaction was strong. “It was an honor I abused, and I would never try to reclaim it.”

“Sir….”

“I have no regrets, Kellar. I’ve changed. I lived and survived as a wolf, and I made it through my own darkness. I’m ready to move forward, not back. I may not want to be alone anymore, but being Alpha again holds no appeal for me.”

“Well, that’s good, and I’m happy you no longer want to isolate yourself. We really want you in our lives. It’s just, once the pack members find out I’m your grandson….”

“They’ll expect you to become Alpha. It is your birthright.”

“He doesn’t want it,” Tobyn said, reaching over and giving Kellar’s hand a squeeze. He appreciated the show of solidarity from his mate.

Fendral looked first at Tobyn, and then at his grandson. It was a piercing gaze he leveled. “Care to explain why not?”

Kellar swallowed. “I get that it’s an honor, sir, but I’m a healer.”

“Why can’t you be both?”

“That’s what Miss Sybil said, that I could be both, and I know it’s true, but I… I don’t think alphas, ah… I think the leadership council is what Morningstar needs… not me. Tobyn and I plan on searching out as many packs as we can, and set up a network of communication. We’re doing well here, but shifters could still be dying out there.”

“It sounds like you’re taking on a different responsibility. A bigger one.”

“Exactly,” Tobyn interjected. “How much can we expect from one person? All Kellar does is give of himself, over and over again.”

Fendral sighed. A deep long one. “I know I’m missing a lot of information about the pack and all that’s been going on. I’m tired, and I want to catch up, but before I go lay down, I want to say something. If you’re looking for support from me, you have it. I barely know you, but you’re my daughter’s son, so I’m in your corner no matter what.”

“Thank you, Grandfather. So, you will understand if I decline the honor? You won’t be disappointed in me?”

“Are you disappointed in me, after all the mistakes I’ve made?”

“No, sir. I’m in awe of the man I’ve talked to today.”

“Well, there’s your answer. I’m in awe of the men I’ve talked to today.” He smiled, and Kellar felt the warmth of it. “I’m sorry, but I can’t sit up any longer. My muscles are complaining so if I could use your bed again, I’d appreciate it.”

“It’s your bed now, sir,” Tobyn said as Kellar assisted the man as he rose stiffly from the chair.

“And I am thankful for that. You’re not going to stop calling me sir, are you?”

Tobyn grinned. “Probably not.”

Fendral chuckled. “Do you know if my home is still empty? It was a few years back when I approached it.”

“Nothing’s been changed. It’s been maintained ever since you left it.”

They all made their way down the hall, and Kellar and Tobyn exchanged looks over the elder man’s head.

“I want him to stay with us, babe.”

“So do I. He doesn’t need to be rambling around that big house of his. We’re his family now.”

“You’re the best.”

“I am, but you’re going to need to convince him.”

“Grandfather,” Kellar said as they helped the man sit on the bed. “You don’t have to decide anything now, but we‘d really like it if you’d live here with us… with your family. We just want you to know that.”

Fendral laid his upper body down, and Kellar helped him swing his legs up. It was easy to see he would be out like a light in minutes, possibly seconds. “Thank you, boys. I’ll give it some thought, and we’ll talk later.”

He yawned before his eyes closed, and Kellar was proven right. His grandfather may have wanted to have their conversation, and take advantage of having a voice again, but it had taken its toll. Flickering, Kellar was reasonably pleased with what he saw. There was no need to be quiet leaving the room, but they were anyway.

“I sure didn’t expect to hear all that,” Tobyn said once they returned to the kitchen. “Did it shake you up like it did me?”

“Crap, Tobyn. I still don’t know where the man found the will to hang on all this time. He didn’t just lose his mate… hell, that’s enough to make a shifter wolf out all by itself. On top of that, he lost his three kids, and he carried all that guilt about how he handled their wanting to search out their mates. Fuck. I hope I have half his strength one day.”

Tobyn looked up from clearing the table. ‘Sometimes you really are the dumb one.”

“Why? What did I do?”

“Nothing… it’s not what you did… it’s how you see yourself. Sometimes you piss me off.”

“Really?”

“No. Yes… sometimes, yes. I just wish you would give yourself the credit you deserve. You’ve gone through a lot too, with that shit childhood you had. You shifted, having no idea who you really were and what was going on, and you didn’t go bonkers. Fuck, the control you showed.”

“Lots of kids lose their parents, Tobyn.”

“See, there you go again. Yes, that’s true, but you’re a shifter… we’re pack animals. And you survived most of your life without one of your own.”

“But….”

“But, nothing. You built a life all by yourself, worked in the human world, developed your skills as a healer, and you didn’t suffer any depression. That takes strength… alpha strength.”

“I only did what I had to.” Kellar didn’t like that Tobyn was so seriously annoyed.

“God, you are so exasperating sometimes. You should see yourself when you’re healing. It’s like you’re giving every ounce of everything you have, and you wade in every time with no hesitation. You always do that, like you did with Vega. You accomplish miracle after miracle and act like it’s no big deal. I know how hard that was for you, to stand in front of the entire Vega pack and make that speech… that’s fucking strength.” Tobyn dropped their cutlery into the sink with a loud clatter.

“Are you mad at me, babe?”

“No. God, no… I just… I’m sorry. I love you so much and sometimes….”

“Sometimes, what?” Kellar joined his mate at the sink. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Can we forget what I said? I didn’t mean to come off angry. What we heard from Fendral this morning was so sad, and… there’s no way I could survive losing you. I could never be that strong. As strong as you and Fendral are. I guess it’s an alpha thing.”

“Tobyn, please. Don’t think like that, because it’s not true. I see you as the strongest, most determined person I know, and I’m not just saying it. Don’t worry… I get where this is coming from. Come on.” He took Tobyn’s hand. “Let’s go sit in the sunshine. This has been quite a day already.”

“That’s a great idea,” Tobyn said with a sheepish smile. “I got a little carried away… sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for. You just said you loved me so much it drove you crazy.”

“I didn’t say it drove me crazy, I said you did.”

“Semantics, babe. It’s the same thing,” Kellar said smugly as they walked out into the backyard. “You drive me crazy too, and it’s the best feeling ever.” Kellar led his mate to the picnic table where they sat across from each other, hands still entwined. It was a gorgeous day: peaceful, sunny, and warm.

“You know what’s weird?” Kellar asked after they sat in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the peace only nature could bestow.

“What?”

“I feel content.”

“Actually, that is weird. I would have thought you’d be anything but.”

“You said it yourself. I had a shit childhood, and never really felt connected to anyone or any place. That’s all changed. I have you, and in any world I ever envisioned, that would be enough, but I have so much more. I’m sitting in this beautiful place with you, my grandfather is sleeping inside our house, and my brother is only a five minute walk away. I have a home, a family, a pack of amazing friends, and I have a real memory of my mother. Even if Miss Sybil is wrong, and I never recall anything of my father, it’s enough. I know he fought for my mother and me. I don’t even mind being considered the savior, not that I’m ever going to acknowledge it,” he said with a self-deprecating grin.

“Okay, that’s more like it. And we have a new location to search.”

“Yeah, we do, but about that?”

“Oh. I think I know what you’re going to say. You don’t want to leave Fendral. Am I right?”

“I can’t. Not till I’m sure he’s thriving, and that could be a month or even months away.”

“Okay. I agree. We can wait as long as you want. This way, we’d be here for Warren if he wants to get things started.”

“I was thinking the same thing. You’re not disappointed?”

“Not in the least. I love that man in there, and he comes first in my eyes too. We quite possibly wouldn’t be here without him. I was shocked to hear he deliberately led the young one away. Facing two Reznicks back then would have been difficult for us, if not impossible.” Tobyn shuddered. “That was our first experience with a hunter.”

“I agree. We had enough trouble with one of them. It surprised the hell out of me too, to hear what he did, but with all the earth mother’s done for us, it makes sense he was part of her plan. We’re right aren’t we, to think it’s a plan, and not just a string of coincidences?”

“With the journey we’ve had so far, and from what we’ve learned in the last few days, plus all the gifts she’s given us, how can you even ask that, doc?”

“My mind still regresses sometimes. I guess it’s from not being raised in a pack. I remember when I actually believed there was no magic in the world.” He shook his head at the thought. It seemed a lifetime ago.

“Speaking of the earth mother’s plan, there may have been another purpose for Fendral being around your cabin.”

“Such as?”

“The only reason I ran in your woods the day we met was because I picked up his scent.”

“Oh, hell. That’s right. You told me about that… about scenting the old grey, after I healed your head. Holy crap. We met because of my grandfather. Wait till we tell him. We have so much to thank that man for.”

“Him and the earth mother… and Esther.”

“That’s right. My grandmother too.” Kellar, in that moment, realized his family may have been missing for most of his life, but they were all responsible for what he had now. It gave him a warm feeling.

“You okay, doc?”

“Huh? Yeah. Why?”

“You went real quiet.”

“Oh, yeah, I was just counting my blessings. Tobyn?” Kellar squeezed the hand under his, and stared into his mate's eyes.

“Yeah?

“I’ve been thinking.”

“I know. I’ve been waiting.”

“Oh, so you know what I’ve been thinking about then,” Kellar teased.

“Yup. You’re thinking about your birthright, and what you should do.”

“What… are you some kind of special seer now, like my grandmother was?”

“No, doc. I just know you, so spit it out.”

Kellar started tapping his fingers on the picnic table top, something he usually didn’t do. He had trouble saying what was on his mind, because once it was out there….

Tobyn reached his idle hand over and placed it on the nervous one. “Well?”

Kellar sighed at his mate, and then began to let his tentatively-reached conclusions loose. “Being an alpha could come in handy when we start our search again. We have no idea what we might come up against, but other packs would surely take us seriously if an alpha was at their gate.”

“Mm hmmm,” Tobyn agreed.

“And our own members are going to expect it once they find out I’m Fendral’s grandson. If I don’t accept it, some, maybe all, are going to have a hard time understanding my reasons. I mean, think about your mom, Miss Sybil, and even Arthur’s reaction, when I said I didn’t want to be alpha. They thought I was nuts. I do want to respect pack traditions, I really do. Besides, my turning it down might put pressure on my grandfather, and while he’s doing all right for now, he’s far from a healthy man. He needs time.”

“Right again.”

“If I did it… accepted the… position… my heritage… whatever we call it, I wouldn’t want anything to change. I’d still want there to be our same leadership council, hopefully with the addition of Clarence.”

“Makes sense.”

“So, I would only act in an advisory role, if they needed me, like, if they were at a stalemate or something. I wouldn’t want any involvement in the day to day stuff… I’m a healer.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Well, how does all that sound to you? Do you think they’d all accept something like that, where I’m only partly involved now and again?”

“Kellar, as Alpha, you wouldn’t be asking anyone to accept anything. You are Alpha until you say you’re not, so you’d be telling all of us the way it would work. But, if you’re asking me whether it’s a good solution, I’d say it’s about perfect.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. You know the only reason I can even consider it is because I have you at my side.”

“I know.”

Kellar grinned at Tobyn’s smug look. “Okay, maybe I’ll see what my grandfather thinks about it when he wakes up.”

“Another great idea. I think you’ll make the man very happy. No matter what he says, I have no doubt he’d be proud if you continued to represent his and your family in this way.”

“Oh, man. I feel better already. This has been weighing on me… a lot. So, do I really smell like clover?”

“Uh huh. I thought you knew that.”

“It was news to me.”

“Hey, what do I smell like to you?”

“Heaven… pure heaven.”

Tobyn chuckled. “I definitely got me a romantic one.”

“And I got me a bossy one… one who lets me think I’m in charge.”

“And sometimes I actually let you be in charge. I was being serious, doc. Do I smell like anything to you?”

“Oh yeah. You have your own unique blend, but the closest is a plant I use for ear infections.”

“Eww… you’re kidding me, right?”

Kellar laughed. “No, I’m not. It’s called Joe-Pye weed, and it was once used by natives who claimed it cured typhus fever.”

“A weed.” Tobyn screwed his face up, making Kellar laugh harder.

“It’s only called a weed because it grows wild. Its favorite place is along streams… I’ll show it to you someday, and you can smell it for yourself. It loses its aroma once I dry it. It’s also called Purple Boneset, and it smells kind of like vanilla, but better.”

“Better than vanilla? I like that,” Tobyn said, finally smiling. “So, it’s purple then?”

“Yup. Come to think of it, the color is identical to red clover blooms, right down to the two tones.”

“Identical? See… we’re perfect for each other.” There was a seriousness behind the humor in those heart-stopping eyes, making Kellar’s breath catch.

“Yes we are, babe, a match made by the earth mother. So… if I do happen to stand up in front of a crowd and make another one of those ‘alpha’ speeches, would it fire you up like last time?”

Tobyn burst out laughing, eyes twinkling. “I’m not gonna lie, mountain man… there’s a good chance it would.”

“I can’t ask for any more encouragement than that.” Losing himself in sunlit hazel, he leaned over the table and connected his lips to Tobyn’s. Kellar finally understood who he was, and that he was exactly where life had always meant him to be. He wasn’t some lone shifter. No, he and his mate had a destiny all their own.

~ The End of Book One? ~

So, we have come to an end... of sorts. I want to thank all the readers for your amazing and constant support. I love this world of Morningstar, and I hope you all do too. I'm sure you've noticed the question mark after 'The End of Book One?'... I don't know whether to continue with this world or leave it alone, where the future looks decidedly bright for our shifters. Let me know what you think. I do have more of the story percolating in my head  . I want to take the time to thank my editor, Tim aka Robin, for all he has done for me, with this story and others. You rock, my friend. Cheers, all. I hope you enjoyed our journey as much as I have. Many, many thanks.