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    WolfM
  • WolfM
    • Author
  • 05/09/2017
  • 1,057 Words
  • 7,214 Views
  • 20 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

The Journal of Chris Williams - 3. Journal 3

Journal entry 3:

 

I’ve been here for a couple of weeks now. The Columbia River Wolf Pack was generous enough to take me in after I got myself exiled from Parker Valley. The fact any pack would take me is amazing, and I know I have my former alpha to thank. Even with everything I did, everything I was charged and convicted of, Alpha Stockdale still looked out for me. When our laws recommended I be put down as a threat to the Lycan community in general, he helped me. Instead of the fate I should have met, I’m allowed to attend a university in Portland. Thanks to Columbia River pulling some strings to get me admitted so I could start this school term. I’m grateful for being given a chance at a new life here.

I only have visitor status in the territory, and my movements are heavily restricted for now. All things considered, it’s more than I could have asked or hoped for. I’m also not allowed to shift without permission. When I do, it’s in a confined area, so I can’t go for a run or hunt. That frustrates my wolf, but it is what it is. I’ll deal with it for as long as they require. I know I have to prove to my hosts I’m not a threat to anyone here. Because of the ankle monitor I wear, when I am allowed to shift, I have to do it slowly so the change doesn’t break the fiber optic strands in the leg band. A slow shift is unbelievably painful compared to a regular one. Trying to hold my body back as it reforms itself is not normal for us, nor is it easy. It’s like the agony of a first shift multiplied a hundred times since I am fighting the natural process of the change. I view it as part of my punishment though and won’t complain about it. If anyone’s around, I can see the concern on their faces after one of those shifts as I rest on my side, panting heavily, and labor to breath.

I have a small studio apartment to live in during the week. It has a cool loft kinda look to it. There’s a nice view of Mount Hood out my window. I think I was supposed to live in the dorms on campus, but the whole GPS in the trunk thing screwed that up. The units here are very nice and more than comfortable for my needs. On weekends, I report to the pack jail. Me being in confinement means my escorts don’t have to watch me for two days. Things could be worse, and I can study in the slammer same as I can in my apartment. I’m not sure if the jail thing is because they think I’ll remove my ankle monitor like Michael did. I can understand why they would want me more secured when I don’t need to go to class. I mean, I know spending time imprisoned was part of the exile agreement. I’m just not sure if the Michael issue changed anything with that.

Pretty much everyone I’ve met around here knows what I did, and it’s hard to live with that. People know I’m an exile and not some nomad living in the territory. When I’m out with my escorts, I hear the whispers or see the looks from other lycan. Still, they’ve been surprisingly nice to me. I wouldn’t call it friendly, but nice. No one has said anything to be mean. Even the whispers are mostly, “That must be him.” In my old life, I would have been the first to lay into someone for their screw-ups and try to make their existence miserable. Since I wasn’t willing to learn from the people I grew up around, maybe I can learn from the people who took me in when I had nowhere else to turn.

Because of my actions at Parker Valley, I’m not even considered an omega here. I don’t say that as a complaint against Columbia River but just as a statement of fact. Even an omega has to earn their spot in the hierarchy, and I haven’t earned anything yet. I’m only an exile; a visitor in this place. I live outside the pack, sort of like most non-wolf shifters or nomads do in a territory, except I have escorts to take me around when I’m not confined. The people I’ve been allowed to have contact with have tried to guide me in the right direction. I don’t feel like I’m being treated like a prisoner even living under house arrest. How good I’m treated is beyond what I feel I deserve.

I have two main escorts when I’m out of my apartment, Kyle and Corey. Occasionally it switches to different people, but most often it is the same two guys. We all attend the same university and our class schedule is roughly the same. They take me in the morning and bring me back in the late afternoon. It’s a bit if a drive each day, but I get to see a lot of beautiful forest as we go. Any time I’m not in class, I’m to go to the library to study or put in time with one of the labs I’m required to do for a class. If I go to an outdoor area to study, that isn’t a problem, but I need to let them know where I’m at. They’ll sometimes text me to meet between classes just to check up on me or see how I’m doing. I feel bad they have to keep an eye on me when I’m sure they’d rather be hanging out with friends, girl friends, or going to parties. They’ve never voiced any complaint in front of me, and their actions and scent haven’t said it was a problem, but I still feel bad. A part of it might be I feel bad about what I did.

I’ve got an early lecture to attend tomorrow and still have reading to prepare for it, so I guess this is good enough for writing tonight. I promised to do this, and I intend to keep that promise. Anything to get me past the dark place in my mind I’ve imprisoned myself in.

Copyright © 2017 WolfM; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments

  • Popular Comment
Freerider
  • Popular Comment

 

Chris is seeing the new pack members as guards, but possibly they are more than that:  maybe they are guardians.

He may not think he deserves much help, or even a second chance.

But the new pack seem to see more in him... more than he does himself... quite possibly they are right.

But he will need to work at it.  After a period of introspection he needs to let go of his former identity... 

 

I am hoping he will surface and impress the new pack (and us ;)) with the start of his true identity! 

 

  • Like 7
WolfM
22 hours ago, chris191070 said:

Another fantastic chapter, we are learning a lot about Chris and his exile with this style of writing. ?

Thank you Chris. 

21 hours ago, Tazzle001 said:

"....the dark place in my mind I've imprisoned myself in." This almost made me cry. I don't know that we've "all" been there, but if you have, you know how daunting a trap it is. This chapter I emotionally bonded to Chris. I hope that he will find forgiveness both inside and out. Forgiveness will be the foundation on his journey. 

Thank you Tazzle.  Being one of those people who have been to those dark places I agree it can be a daunting trap and difficult to escape.

21 hours ago, Lux Apollo said:

Slowly cracking through the surface of his remorse and the conditions he's living in, and into deeper things...

Thank you Lux.  Always good to see your thoughts :)  Will he open up about everything or hit a point of bottling things up because he can't deal with it?  Cracks can turn into a shattered mess sometime, but that's all just theory at the moment ;)

20 hours ago, JayT said:

It is obvious that Chris is beyond remorseful for his actions. He realizes the gift that is life he has been granted is one he doesn't really deserve. I think he is determined to not squander this second chance. He has grown more than any other other character, except of coarse maybe Ethan. 

Thanks JayT.  Your long support is always appreciated.  For a character that had such limited exposure and was a total ass when he did appear, it is fun to develop him and see where he might go. 

  • Like 5
WolfM
20 hours ago, BlindAmbition said:

While I feel for Chris. It is important for him to learn self discovery. 
 He is learning that actions sometimes have repercussions. His reflection can help him make better choices for his future. 

Thanks Blind.  Very true words.

14 hours ago, Tammian said:

The truth is, second chances are hard, as you always have a thought in the back of your mind that if you make the same mistakes again, then that's it.

I'm really enjoying this journal-style of writing, and I look forward to reading more

Thank you Tammian.  As this progresses, things can go several ways.  I'm having more fun with the journal style than I thought I would.  It is a good format for this character.

13 hours ago, Freerider said:

 

Chris is seeing the new pack members as guards, but possibly they are more than that:  maybe they are guardians.

He may not think he deserves much help, or even a second chance.

But the new pack seem to see more in him... more than he does himself... quite possibly they are right.

But he will need to work at it.  After a period of introspection he needs to let go of his former identity... 

 

I am hoping he will surface and impress the new pack (and us ;)) with the start of his true identity! 

 

Thank you Freerider.  I'd say he sees them as more like guardians to him.  He is effectively under home confinement at present and he looks at that as a consequence of his actions. 

  • Like 5
WolfM
7 hours ago, JeffreyL said:

I wonder if Chris's "shrink" will do some counseling besides the journal writing. I think the journal may help him sort his feelings, but talking about what he did, who he was before, and how he's feeling now could really help. Because of his remorse, I am hopeful Chris can change and move forward. Thanks. Jeff

Thank you Jeff.  For now at least, the journal is a way for him to begin discussing things that are followed up in his sessions with the shrink.  Instead of trying to get things out directly, he can write about it for her to see and continue with.

3 hours ago, Tammian said:

I am just hoping that Chris finds a boyfriend to have kinky-fun-times with! :P

:) 

  • Like 5
WolfM
On 5/13/2017 at 10:23 PM, centexhairysub said:

Self-reflection like this can be very hard on a person.  It can be physically draining as well as mentally.  Hope that he has the support to make it through this ordeal.

It can be hard, but necessary for him to begin moving forward

21 hours ago, hohochan657 said:

I suppose in order to go forward one has to be brutally honest with oneself when carrying out this kind of "purging" - out with the old ...  Hopefully Chris would come out of that "dark place in my mind that I've imprisoned myself" very soon ...

I agree.  For him to make a fresh start, he has to address his past or risk ending up in that mental prison.

  • Like 3
raven1

Not know what Chris did, since I started this series with this prequel, I am sure it must have been horrendous for him to be facing a death sentence.  However, his saving grace seems to be that he is very ashamed and repentant for his crime.  He has chosen to own up completely and honestly with the Columbia River Pack.  They in turn know from his scent all of this.  That is probably why they have chosen to enforce the sentence, but treated him with dignity and concern.  This give me hope that Chris will be able to become better in this kind environment.  

  • Like 3
WolfM
7 hours ago, raven1 said:

Not know what Chris did, since I started this series with this prequel, I am sure it must have been horrendous for him to be facing a death sentence.  However, his saving grace seems to be that he is very ashamed and repentant for his crime.  He has chosen to own up completely and honestly with the Columbia River Pack.  They in turn know from his scent all of this.  That is probably why they have chosen to enforce the sentence, but treated him with dignity and concern.  This give me hope that Chris will be able to become better in this kind environment.  

The event that got Chris in this situation takes place in chapter 13 of Running with the Pack, which thanks to you is now back to book 1 in the series. He's effectively living under house arrest. Everything he does is heavily monitored, but he is watched for how he acts and treated accordingly.

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