The Hidden Ones: Resurrection - 19. Questions, Questions, Questions

---Teddy---

As my alarm began to sound I felt Ryder reach across me and try to silence my phone. I wish I could leave him sleeping, I wish he could rest until he felt better, but that’s not the way the world works. That not the way the human body works. As he finally connected with one of the buttons he let his arm drop and snuggled his head further in my chest. I wonder if he realizes he does that. I wonder if he knows how close he tries to get to me. I guess the once big bad drug fueled rock star just loves to cuddle, who would’ve guessed?

“Come on Ryder.” I forced out, starting to sit up. “We’ve gotta get ready.”

“No.” He groaned, turning away to his own side of the bed.

“We’re in our thirties. I’m not going to fight with you.” I grumbled, slowly getting out of bed. “You have to get ready for therapy.”

“I don’t care.” He exhaled, ripping all the covers to his side.

I let out a deep sigh and started to get both our outfits ready for the day. “I’m not playing, you need to get moving.” He remained quiet and tried his hardest to block me out, until finally I walked over and rested a hand on his side. “Remember you promised to do this?” I let out in more of a statement than a question. “It was part of our deal.” I reminded him. He muttered something else but slowly began to rise up. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“Shut up.” He shook his head as I handed him his clothes for the day.

“Not feeling well?” I asked as he finally moved to the edge of the bed.

“Of course not.” He shook his head. “Everything just sucks. I don’t even know why you waste your time.”

So it’s this morning too, huh? I know Dr. Pierre said there were going to be hard days with him, but I didn’t expect it to be every time he woke up. “Because I love you.” I shrugged, helping him to his feet. “And I’m not going to give up on you just because you’re depressed.”

“I love you too.” He angrily forced out, tone not matching his words.

As he walked out of our room and to the bathroom I quickly stopped Oliver from running up and talking to him. “Why are you even awake right now?” I asked as Ryder shut the bathroom door.

“Mom said I still have to get up like I have school today.” He mumbled, barely awake himself. “She thinks sleeping in would reward me for getting suspended.”

“It would.” I nodded supporting her point.

“Whatever.” He shrugged. “I’m just going to watch T.V. until Ryder gets back and then play music with him.”

“I don’t think that’s such a great idea.” I let out, trying to find the words to explain it to him. “Ryder’s not in a great mood this morning. I think you need to leave him be today.”

“That’s stupid.” He dismissed, trying to push past me. “I wasn’t in a good mood yesterday and he didn’t leave me be.”

“Trust me, this is different.” I warned in a strict tone.

As the bathroom door reopened I felt Ryder trying to push past me. “Can you move?” He angrily spit finally getting past me.

“Case and point.” I exhaled, following him back into our room. “There are nice ways to say that.”

“Sorry.” He grunted falling back onto the bed. “Just wake me up when we’re leaving.”

“You don’t want breakfast?” I asked, but got no response. “Okay.” I nodded walking out of the room, shutting the door behind me and pushing past a nosy Oliver and into the bathroom.

“Hey!” Oliver yelped as he stumbled backwards. “I was in line!”

“Yeah, well next time you should just go to the bathroom instead of spying on us.” I yelped back, getting changed as quickly as possible. I don’t care how good Oliver is for Ryder, he’s not someone you want to poke right now. “Oliver!” I shouted as I swung the bathroom door back open. “Get out of my room.”

“I just wanted to make sure he was okay.” He said in a low tone. “He’s just staring out the window.”

“He’s trying to keep his temper.” I sighed pulling him out of the room. “And you’re not helping right now.”

“What’s the matter with him?” Oli asked, as I shut the door once more.

“He’s just depressed.” I shrugged, not knowing how else to respond. “Sometime he just needs a little bit of space.”

“And you’ll take care of him?” He probed as concern dripped into his eyes.

“Of course.” I nodded without hesitation.

He let out a sigh but nodded his head and walked into the bathroom. Did Oliver just trust me? He didn’t even ask how I was going to help, or what I was going to do. All it took was me saying yes? What the hell is going on this morning?

It took some effort to get Ryder into the car but when I finally did he passed out with his head against the window. He’s doing too much too soon. Helping Oliver, talking to Blake, dealing with my dad, it’s all too much for him. I need to start pumping the brakes for him. I need to talk to his doctor.

As I passed him off to Cait I couldn’t get him off my mind. This isn’t like when I was seventeen and ignorant to mental illness. Now I’m a doctor. Now I understand the pain it brings, and how tragically it can all end. But still, I’ve pulled him off the ledge once, I have to at least try again. I don’t care what it takes. I don’t care if I fall off with him. I’ll be there for him every step of the way.

When my lunch break finally rolled around I quickly ran upstairs and to the psychiatric ward. It’s funny, I used to always skip lunch breaks but not anymore. Now I have a purpose other than work. A purpose to fuel Teddy Haner, and not Theodore Haner. I know, that’s not healthy, but at this point I really don’t care.

“How is he?” I couldn’t help but ask Dr. Pierre as I caught him alone at the reception desk.

“Today’s a rough day but there’s at least progress.” Barry replied looking from me to the rock star talking to Cait.

“I think we’re burning him out at home.” I confessed. “My little brother’s a handful and loves to hang around him, and my dad’s just being a jerk about the whole thing.”

“He told me about yesterday.” Barry began. “Personally I think it’s good for Ryder to push himself. It shows that he wants to get back to where he was years ago. It shows he wants a shot at a typical life style. However, your father being a negative influence could really hurt him.”

“Is that why he was so aggravated this morning?” I asked, nervously starting to bite my lip.

“Unfortunately that’s just a symptom of major depressive disorder.” He explained. “It’s probably something he’s had to manage his whole life. Odds are managing that has fallen by the wayside compared to working on other things.”

“But he’s on the road to recovery?”

“Slowly but surely.” He nodded his head. “Like I said a few days ago, this path isn’t going to be easy. There will be good days like yesterday and bad days like today. Sometimes it will seem like there’s no rhyme or reason to it, and maybe there’s not. But either way you have to be there to help him. You made that commitment.”

“I understand.” I said waiving Ryder over to us. “Oh! Also, can you recommend me the best child therapists in the area that specialize in anger management. My brother could use a few sessions.”

“Sure thing Theodore.” He nodded patting me on the arm. “I don’t mean to overstep but I think you could use a few sessions of therapy as well. In a perfect world everyone would go.”

“I-I’ll think about it.” I nodded, but knew at the end of the day I wouldn’t be able to find the time. “How was therapy?” I asked as Ryder finally reached my side.

“Fine.” He answered, leading me towards the elevator. “I’m sorry about this morning. I didn’t mean to be a dick.” He forced out, no doubt trying his hardest to practice what he learned in therapy.

“That means a lot Ryder.” I smiled, lightly gripping his hand. “Thank you.”

“I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work.” He said in a low voice. “I swear I will.”

“I believe you.” I supported feeling the smile grow on my face. “I will too.”

I don’t know what the hell goes on in group or individual therapy, but it got him to apologize? That’s some type of milestone! I swear it is! Yet still, on the car ride home I could see he wasn’t the same as yesterday. Paranoia swarmed his brain as he kept looking around for any signs of the press. Cars, drones, phones anything and everything caught his attention in the wrong way.

*************************************************************************************

“I’ll make you a sandwich for lunch, why don’t you go lay down?” I suggested as he shot me a puzzled look. “You worked hard today, you’ve earned some time to yourself.” He softly nodded his head and slowly began to ascend the stairs as I headed to the kitchen.

“Can I hang out with Ryder yet?” Oliver excitedly asked as I entered the kitchen.

“Maybe later tonight.” I replied starting to get food together. “But for now you can help make the three of us lunch.”

“Me and dad already ate.” He shrugged but started to help me collect things anyway. I shot him a curious look but didn’t push it, knowing even the slightest comment might discourage him. “Don’t you usually have work now?”

“It’s my lunch break.” I responded. “Plus I have a deal about being able to run Ryder home and all that.”

“You’re willing to do all of this for him?”

“Yup.” I nodded my head as we finally organized two sandwiches on a plate. “I love him.”

“Isn’t it like too soon to say that though?” He poked as a million questions swarmed to his mind. At first I thought he was trying to annoy me but as I looked into his eyes I realized he’s just curious. He’s trying to figure out what a typical relationship is. What it should look like.

“Maybe for some people.” I answered, picking up the two plates. “But me and Ryder are in a weird place, and I think it’s good we hear it from each other.”

“Here.” I offered before he could walk away. “Why don’t you come bring it to Ryder?”

“Really?!” He exclaimed with a smile.

“You helped make it.” I shrugged. “Just make sure to keep your voice down, he doesn’t feel well.”

“Got it.” He replied happily taking the plate and following behind me.

“Ryder?” I let out, slowly opening the bedroom door. “Oliver helped make you lunch.” But as we both stepped into the room and I saw the typically glassed over look in his eyes I couldn’t help but sigh. I guess after seeing the mood he was in today I shouldn’t be surprised. “Here Oli maybe you should,” I began but stopped myself as I realized how much this might help them both. “Come here Oli.” I instructed, placing a plate on the night stand and taking the other from him. “This is what I meant when I said he doesn’t feel well.”

Oliver gulped hard and hesitantly stepped closer. I saw fear enter his eyes as he saw the glassed over look on Ryder’s face. “Are you okay?” Oliver asked, but got no response.

“He doesn’t talk when he gets like this.” I explained. “It, this is what depression can look like for some people. Sometimes they just shut down.”

“Will he be alright?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “He just needs some time. He’s still listening though. You can talk to him if you want.”

“Oh yeah!” Oliver exclaimed before quickly catching himself. “Sorry.” He whispered. “Ryder told me about this once before.” He said. “He told me that you were always the, never mind.” He bashfully shook his head. Yet as he looked back towards Ryder I saw fear return. “When you feel better I’ll show you how much better I got at Panic Attack. I can almost play half of the song.” Oliver went to say something else but caught himself too worried to say anything else.

“Blake texted me before.” I began, filling the empty air. “He said it was good to see you, and that you look older. He’s totally down for pizza later this week.” I said, trying my hardest to give Oliver examples of how to talk to him.

“I, I,” Oliver stuttered but slowly began to back up. “I have to go.” He let out running out of the room and slamming his bedroom door behind him.

I let out a deep sigh and thought it all over. I’m such an idiot. I should’ve known this would be too intense for Oliver. But still, maybe it was a good thing for him to see. A wake up call to be grateful for everything he has. “I’m going to go talk to him.” I exhaled but as I rose to my feet I felt Ryder’s hand reach out causing me to jump in fear.

“I’ll come.” He forced out, trying his hardest to get to his feet.

“It’s okay.” I quickly replied stunned that he was even trying to move, let alone talk.

“It’s not.” He shook his head. “I-I’ll have all day to lay down, but right now Oliver’s scared.”

“You really care about him?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“Yeah.” He sighed, grabbing my side as he stood up. “When I look at him I see a miniature version of you, and that’s all I need.”

“I’ll try not to take that as an insult.” I teased, letting him lean against me as we slowly made our way across the hall. “Oliver?” I called out, gently knocking on his door.

“I’m okay!” He quickly let out, but I could feel the worry in his voice.

“Can we come talk to you?” I asked.

“I, uh, yeah.” Oliver answered. As I pushed open the door and took a few steps in I saw surprise replace the fear on Oliver’s face.

“Sorry.” Ryder forced out, trying his hardest to use the last of his energy to help. “I didn’t mean to scare you, I-I just get like that sometimes.”

“I wasn’t scared.” Oliver lied with a shake of his head.

“I know I was.” I said, trying my hardest to make sure he knew it was okay. “I hate when Ryder gets like that. I don’t think there will be a day when it doesn’t scare me.”

“Scares me too.” Ryder supported as I pulled over a chair for him.

“Fine, maybe it caught me a little off guard.” Oliver finally admitted. “I just didn’t expect it.”

“What about it scared you?” I asked, trying to support him as much as possible.

Oliver went to speak but stopped until finally Ryder nodded his head, showing it was okay. “I-I didn’t like the way his eyes looked, or how pale his skin was. He kinda looked, he looked, dead.”

“He did.” I nodded my head. “And that can be very intense, but you like company when you get like that, right Ryder?”

“Yeah.” Ryder admitted. “Some people don’t but I-I like being reminded I’m not alone. It helps. And for the record I’d love to hear you play Panic Attack later.”

“You, you’re not going to hurt yourself right?” Oliver softly asked, terrified of the answer he might get.

“No.” Ryder shook his head. “I’m fighting to get better. I promise.”

Oliver nodded his head but stayed quiet. “I think Ryder should go lay down some more.” I began. “But if you can handle it it’d be nice if you checked on him every now and then, and maybe even spent some time with him if you remember to use your inside voice.” I suggested, putting my faith in Oliver.

“Maybe.” Oli nodded his head.

“I’ll be okay.” Ryder promised as I helped him back to his feet and into our room. “Will he be okay?”

“I think so.” I responded. “I-thank you for talking to him.”

“Anytime.” He said as I slowly lowered him into bed.

“You know you can talk to me about anything right?” I couldn’t help but check. “Like you don’t have to wait until therapy to let it out, I’m always here to listen.”

“Yeah.” He forced a smile. “And you know it works the other way around too? I’m always here for you.”

Before I could say anything I felt my phone starting to buzz in my pocket. “Hello?” I curiously let out as I saw Blake’s name flashing on the thin screen.

“Dude, is there any chance you can stop by?” He asked in a nervous voice. “I came home for lunch and Liz decided to go hulk on me.”

“Why? Is she okay?” I let out, trying my hardest to hide the concern on my face.

“She’s fine.” He said working something over in his head. “Just not a fan of you dating Ryder.”

“You told her?” I demanded but quickly shut my mouth hoping Ryder wasn’t picking up on anything.

“What do you want from me? She’s my wife.” He sighed. “Just, is there any chance you can swing by on your way home from work?”

“I can come back now.” I shook my head.

“Back, what do you mean back?” He asked, no idea what I was trying to do.

“I’ll just see you in a few minutes okay?” I let out, hanging up the phone. “It was the hospital.” I lied, seeing the concern in Ryder’s eyes. “One of my patients is losing her mind.”

“Oh.” He softly exhaled. “Will she be okay?”

“Yup.” I nodded my head. “Just needs a good dose of reality. I’ll be home in a few hours, are you going to be okay here?”

“I’ll be fine.” He said looking over at the door. “If I’m lucky I’ll take a nap and then talk with Oliver for a little while.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” I offered, trying to give him an out.

“I want to.” He comforted with a forced smile.

“Okay, if you need anything you just call me, okay? If I don’t pick up at first keep calling until I do.” I instructed. “And that sandwich better be eaten when I get back.”

“I’ll be okay.” He consoled starting to get comfortable in bed. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” I replied as I gently shut the door behind me. I couldn’t help but smile as I passed by Oliver’s room and heard Ryder’s voice blasting over his speakers. I feel bad for scaring him, but sometimes that’s what it takes to grow. Hopefully Oliver’s starting to understand just how sick Ryder actually is, and what he can do to help.

As I walked down the stairs and to the door I couldn’t help but stare at my dad. “What’s up?” He tentatively asked seeing my hesitation.

“A lot of stuff.” I confessed thinking about his role in all of this.

“Anything I can help with?” He offered, but we both knew he didn’t mean it.

“You could get your head out of your ass and stop fighting with mom.” I replied, surprising us both.

“Excuse me?” He let out, sliding back in his chair.

“Get your head out of your ass.” I slowly repeated. “And this isn’t even about Ryder. Mom’s got her hands full with work and the best you can offer when Oliver gets suspended is military school?”

“I won’t be talked down to,”

“Save me the lecture.” I interrupted as a minute or two of silence filled the air. “I-I miss you.” I finally let out. “I miss the dad who used to bend the rules and have fun with me. I miss the guy that would always make me smile when I got hurt. And I-I stay up at night feeling bad for Oli because he barely gets that.” I explained in a brave breath. “Sure, sometimes you have fun with him, but it’s never like it was before.”

“Because I was wrong before.” He coldly let out. “I let you think life was too carefree. I let you get seriously hurt. I don’t care what you think or say, I’m not making that mistake again.”

“You didn’t let me get hurt, Ryder did.” I corrected. “It was bad enough I lost my boyfriend, I didn’t need to lose my dad too.” He let out a deep breath as my words started to connect with him. “And I never thought life was carefree, I knew how cold and hard it could get. But I-I always thought home was somewhere I could escape from all that. I guess I was wrong.”

He turned back towards the T.V. as my words became too much for him to bear. “It doesn’t need to be this way,” I encouraged. “Oliver’s only thirteen. It-it’s not too late. You could still be that father he needs, and-and the father I need.”

I nodded my head as he stayed quiet. Please have let those words connect, please have let them mean something. I can’t keep going through this with him. I can’t keep hoping that he’ll magically change. I get what mom’s told me. I get that losing Ryder was like losing a son for him. But I-it’s just hard for me to believe that he could turn so cold to it all. Sure, there are days where I see flashes of the old him but it’s nothing like it used to be. Sometimes I think it never will be again.

*************************************************************************************

The whole drive over to Blake’s all I could think of was him. Who he used to be and who he’s become. I thought I was overdramatic over the whole thing, but damn does my dear old dad take the cake. Don’t get me wrong I still love him, it’s just, I’m done watching my mom shoulder it all herself.

“I’ve got like twenty minutes.” I groaned as Blake pulled open the door to their small house. It was nothing special but everything about it screamed adult. From the neatly decorated lawn to the pristine inside. It was as though there were no traces of the kids I once knew.

The second I stepped inside I felt an open palm slam across my face. “You stupid ass Teddy!” Liz shouted. “How could you take him back? Do you have a death wish?”

“Woh! Woh!” Blake yelped, lightly wrapping himself around his wife and escorting her away. “Think of the baby.”

She took in a deep breath before Blake finally got her to sit down. I couldn’t help but raise my hand to my face and gently rub where she had connected. Playing lacrosse in high school and college I’ve been hit a lot in my life. But hell has no fury like pregnant Liz.

“You alright?” Blake couldn’t help but chuckle. “She hits hard, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah, Jesus Christ Liz.” I shook my head as the stinging on my cheek began to grow more intense. “Does she smack people often?”

“Only me when I say stupid things.” Blake shrugged. “But I deserve it.”

“You both deserve it.” She continued with fire in her eyes.

“She smashed a plate when she heard you were dating Ryder.” He giggled, still the same pot stirrer I once knew.

“Liz.” I groaned in a sigh. “You need to relax. All that anger isn’t good for your baby.”

“You know what’s not good for this baby?” She rhetorically asked. “You being her godfather!”

“That’s true, but I pointed that out when you asked me to take the title.” I teased, cautiously taking a seat in the small living room.

“Stop trying to stall.” She warned, finally picking up on my tactics. “How the hell are you dating Ryder Sullivan again? Weren’t you supposed to talk to me about it before you made a decision?”

“You just would’ve slapped me.” I shrugged drawing a stifled laugh from Blake. “I-I don’t know, there’s not much else to say. You got the rundown a couple of weeks ago. We just kept talking and vibing and I still love him I guess.”

“Love?” Liz repeated in an aggravated tone.

“Woh!” Blake shouted. “You knew about this and didn’t tell me?” He asked, turning towards his wife. “I told you what I knew the second you rolled out of bed this morning!”

“Oh please, like he didn’t tell you! Besides, your dumb ass is stupid enough to support it.” She shook her head. “Isn’t that what you’ve been doing since you found out with your cute little texts to Teddy? You two should just fuck and get it over with.”

This time it was my turn to muffle laughter. Mood swings seem to be hitting her hard. It’d be funny if she wasn’t so violent! “I’m saving him for after you have the baby.” He winked turning towards me.

“You showed her the texts?” I asked, realizing why she would be mad enough to smash plates.

“She took my phone.” He shrugged. “It’s not like we have anything to hide.”

“You’re right! Because it’s like reading texts between two teenagers!” She cried out. “You’re both so childish! I mean really Teddy, you told Blake Ryder still has a great ass.”

“He does.” I shrugged in a laugh. “And we were both just goofing around. He said the same thing about you if it helps. He thinks that whether you’re pregnant or not.” I supported, throwing Blake some help.

“Don’t try and get cute with me.” She warned beginning to stare me down. “Now seriously, why are you dating Ryder Sullivan.”

“I honestly don’t know how to answer that.” I shrugged. “I just, I love him. I don’t have any other explanation.”

“But he cheated on you.” She emphasized in a loud voice.

“It was staged.” I waved off. “He thought he was helping, we’ve been through this.”

She rolled her eyes at my words. “And I’ve already told you he’s lying.”

“Trust me, he’s not.” I shook my head. “He was on his death bed. He had no reason to lie to me. You were one of his best friends. Shouldn’t you be happy he’s back?”

“No.” She stubbornly shook her head. “I was best friends with the old Ryder Sullivan. Not this one.”

“How do you know that?” I asked with a shrug. “You haven’t even seen him yet.”

“I don’t need to.” She crossed her arms.

“Well you do me a favor and come get dinner with me, Ryder, Blake and Mike and we can all have one big reunion dinner.” I suggested drawing puzzled looks from both of them. “You can meet Ryder again and see what you think.” I watched as Liz looked over to Blake. “Trust me, Ryder’s just an older version of the kid we knew.” I said, trying to encourage them. “I think he just had to self-destruct for a while, but he’s back I promise he is.”

“You lost me when you said Mike.” Liz shook her head.

“Oh yeah, he’s back too.” Blake said, taking a step back just in case she started swinging again.

I tensed up as she slowly rose and started walking over to me. “Teddy.” She began in a calm voice. “I know you miss the past, but you can’t recreate high school. It-it’s not healthy. You’re an adult now, you have to move on with your life.”

“I’m not trying to recreate the past.” I defended in an annoyed voice. “For whatever reason Ryder popped back into my life, and Mike came with him. I didn’t put Ryder on the surgery table in front of me that night, and I sure as hell didn’t plan on Mike being the one to help save him.”

“Mike helped save him?” Blake asked in a stunned voice.

“Look, I, just come to dinner and we’ll all explain it there.” I forced out. “But you have to be careful about what you say around Ryder. He’s pretty fragile.”

Liz looked over to Blake for help, but Blake simply nodded his head trying his hardest to support me. “I hope you know I’m angry because I love you.” Liz suddenly confessed giving me a hug. “I just really don’t want you getting hurt. I, we’ll come to dinner but I can’t promise I’m going to approve of Ryder.”

I slowly wrapped my arms around her and brought her in tighter. “I love you and Blake too.”

Dinner will change their minds, I know it will. I don’t blame her for being angry. I don’t blame her for thinking I’m trying to recreate high school. But I’m honestly not. Life’s just repeated itself for some reason and it’d be foolish to waive it away. Ryder Sullivan was brought back into my life for a reason. I know he was.