The Hidden Ones: Resurrection - 42. Second Chances

---Ryder---

As we laid there in bed I couldn’t help but smile. I get thirty-one isn’t exactly old, but we’re on our way. And Teddy, well he’s always kept onto that charm. Soon enough his smile matched mine as we looked into one another’s eyes. I made the right choice by calling him. By coming home.

“You know I’m not a big fan of the guys right now, right?” He suddenly asked, seemingly having the same thoughts as me.

“I know.” I sighed. “They’re just, immature.”

“You think?” He raised an eyebrow. “I mean Brandon’s known you for how long, and he doesn’t understand you can’t be around alcohol?”

“He understands it. He just doesn’t want it to be true.” I shrugged. “It’s all those guys have. None of us ever got married or had kids. They just have Messiah and nights out on the town.”

“They’re going to have to mature sooner or later.” Teddy rolled his eyes.

“You’d be surprised.” I said resting my hand on his side. “I’ve met rock bands that never grow up.”

Teddy nodded his head and thought it all over. ““I-I don’t know how much I want you or Oli around them.”

“I don’t know that either.” I confessed. “But, right now the writing needs to get done. After that, then, then we can all record on our own schedules.”

“But I don’t want to be the one to separate you from them.” He said as his eyes began to drift. “You like them, I know,”

“I do like them.” I interrupted, saving him the words. “But tonight, at the bar, I just, I realized how old we are. I mean they’re closer to forty than thirty and they’re trying to pick up twenty year old girls.”

“No they were not.” Teddy gasped in surprise.

“Swear to god.” I smirked drawing a laugh from him. “Safe to say I’m the only one who got laid tonight.”

“I’d take that bet.” Teddy smiled. “So how long until you try and replace me with a twenty year old?”

“And have you miss out on all the fun?” I couldn’t help but tease.

“Don’t be gross.” He laughed with a roll of his eyes.

“Okay, but if a third party was,”

“No.” Teddy immediately shook his head. “Absolutely not. I’m not sharing you with anyone.”

“Fine.” I fake groaned. “Guess I’m stuck with you.”

“Guess so.” Teddy giggled as my hand wandered. “Don’t you dare.” He warned as I began to massage at his flaccid organ.

“Just one more time.” I pleaded as my fingers began to wrap around the growing length. “I know you’re into it.”

Without warning he went in for a kiss and rolled on top of me. I took in a breath as his excitement grinded into me. “I’m going to hate you in the morning.” He sighed.

“But for now?” I asked.

“For now I’ll make you the happiest man alive.” He teased, kissing a trail down my stomach.

Before we knew it two turned into three and three into four. I don’t know what’s happening between us, but we just can’t keep our hands off of one another. I never expected our sex drives to be this high at thirty one, I mean we’re having more sex than we did in high school! But I guess when the love is there, the passion follows.

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As promised, the next morning was a mess. We were both grumpy and tired, but there was still that lingering love that connected us. As though we barely had to communicate with one another at all. When we finally got moving it was decided that we would go to the hospital, come back and pick up Oli before Harry left for errands, go to the cemetery then Teddy would drop us both off at the studio.

To be honest I’m not so sure how I feel about Oliver coming to the cemetery. I get that we’re trying to help him mature, but this, it might be too much for him. I don’t know if I want him to see how hard life can be. If I want him to see what loss looks like, and how much it hurts. I don’t even know if I want to see it.

“Ryder.” Dr. Pierre nudged as the group therapy circle came around to me. “It’s been a while since you last talked. Do you have anything to share this morning?

“Yeah.” I slowly nodded. “Hi everyone, last night I-I went to a bar for the first time in months. I was with my bandmates, just catching up and all.” I lied, trying to hide what we were working on. “And one of my friends, Brandon, offered me a shot. It was hard but I, I turned it down.” I explained. “Then I got all shaky and just, I went out and I smoked a cigarette.” I hesitated as the room stared at me.

“It was kind of shitty of him to be honest.” I sighed. “I get he wants to go back to how things were, but, I, that’s the road that almost killed me.” I shook my head. “I don’t know why he can’t just let me grow up.”

“And did he follow you outside?” Dr. Pierre asked.

“Yeah.” I nodded my head. “He tried to apologize and he said he didn’t understand how serious it was until last night. But I-I don’t know. He was here when I was still a patient. How doesn’t he get it?”

“Change is hard.” Dr. Pierre began. “Not just for you, but for everyone you used to spend time with. Seeing you change makes them think there is something wrong with what they’re doing.” He lectured. “Are these the people you used to do drugs with?”

“Yup.” I slowly nodded my head.

“I recommend you see them sparingly.” He warned. “I understand you know them well, and may love them. But stepping back into that environment, it opens up the doors to relapsing.”

“I understand.” I nodded my head.

“Now is there any good news you’d like to share?” He prodded, looking down at my ring. “We don’t just talk about the bad stuff you know.”

“Oh, uh, yeah.” I looked back up at the room. “Some of you might know Dr. Theodore Haner, he works in the emergency room here.” I nervously began to play with my ring. “Well he and I go way back to high school, and a few nights ago I finally proposed to him.” A proud smile forced its way to my face as I spoke. “We’re getting married in the summer.”

The circle slowly began to clap as Dr. Pierre nodded his head. “For every minor slip up, there are even better successes.” He taught with a smile. “You may have resorted to a cigarette to help cravings and that may not have felt great. But you’re engaged and I take it happy with Dr. Haner?” I quickly nodded to his question. “So we must take the bad with the good and keep moving. Had you not survived your suicide attempt, you would have missed out on all this happiness.”

“Yeah.” I nodded my head as my smile began to grow. “Now, I-I regret every drug I took.”

“And your depression?” He pried, trying his hardest to get a good overall look.

“It’s alright.” I swayed my head. “Most mornings I’m grumpy and I still have days I don’t want to get out of bed, but Teddy and his family know how to handle me now. They get me going and take care of me.”

“Sounds like you’re really turning a corner.” He nodded. “Perhaps you’ll be ready to stop coming soon?”

“Maybe.” I nervously laughed. “Let’s just give it another two weeks and see what happens.”

Dr. Pierre nodded his head and kept the circle going as he heard my words. I could tell wants to ease me off of therapy, but I’m doing so good right now. I-I’m finally happy. Just until the album’s finished, then we can talk about cutting back therapy.

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As group wrapped up, I found my way back to Teddy’s office and dragged him away from his paper work. Of course, Oliver wasn’t ready to go when we got home, and nearly threw a fit about not being allowed to stay home alone but Harry just doesn’t trust him alone yet. No matter how much I may disagree, well I’m not exactly in the position to criticize. Especially not after his suspension!

“So where are we going?” He groaned.

“To visit Ryder’s grandma in the cemetery.” Teddy replied. “So best behavior.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He dismissed with a soft waive. “Then the studio?”

“Yeah.” I slowly nodded.

“Alright.” He sighed. “I still don’t get why I couldn’t just stay home until it was time to go to the studio.”

“Because you got suspended.” Teddy reminded him. “You have to earn the right to be left alone.”

“I didn’t get suspended.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m just not going back until Mrs. Flores gets fired.”

“She’s not getting fired.” I corrected. “She’s got tenure and all. They’re just going to transfer her to another school.”

“Away from me.” He proudly smirked.

“Watch yourself.” I warned, turning back to him. “Getting all cocky isn’t cute. Mark’s not going to like it.”

“Mark’s not going to like it.” He mimicked. “Because you know Mark sooo well.”

“Drop it.” Teddy warned, glancing back in the mirror. “Because I saw Mark when he dropped off your homework yesterday, and he was not happy you left school.”

“Bull shit.” Oli tried to call.

“He wasn’t.” Teddy shrugged. “He barely got to see you yesterday and you won’t see him today. Having a boyfriend means being responsible for more than yourself.” Teddy began to lecture. “So congrats on dodging school. You left him high and dry for two days, during a two week stretch when you know you’ll barely get to see him.”

Oliver grew quiet as he thought it all over. “Can he come to the,”

“No.” I quickly interrupted. “The studio is a no boyfriend or girlfriend zone.”

“What about fiancés?”

“No Teddy.” I sighed. “Look, we need full concentration this album. No distractions for any of us, that includes you Oliver.”

“Fine.” He grumbled. “But I’m leaving early Saturday to see him.”

“That’s fine.” I shrugged. “Just make sure you come in early to make up the work you’ll miss.”

“You suck.” He pouted, sinking in his chair.

“Welcome to being in a band.” I sighed. As I turned back to him I could tell he was more than fine with the circumstances. I guess complaining is a natural part of being thirteen, but he’ll be fine.

As the cemetery came into view I could see the look on his face shifting. “Woh!” He exclaimed. “Do you think that house in haunted?”

“Yeah.” I sighed, not looking to go any further.

“Really?” He excitedly asked. “Can I go inside it?”

“That’s where Ryder grew up.” Teddy explained, pulling in and looking back at him. “It’s not a playground.”

“Really?” Oli asked with confused eyes. “I thought you lived next to a cemetery, not in one.”

“No, that’s it.” I groaned, looking at the old abandoned home. “As my grandma used to say, you can hear the spirits if you get quiet enough.”

“Seriously?” He nervously forced out.

“Sure, his grandma said that.” Teddy nodded his head.

“How would you know?” Oli sneered.

“He used to see her all the time.” I explained in a waive. “My grandma loved him.”

“No, she loved you.” Teddy corrected. “I was just a benefactor.”

I rolled my eyes but finally stepped out of the car. I took a few steps before freezing and looking at the three stones in the dirt.

“It’s okay.” Teddy tried to comfort, walking up and grabbing my hand. “Oliver, why don’t you wait in the car?”

“No.” Oli shook his head, seeing how serious the moment was becoming. “I-I want to be here.” He decided, slowly walking up behind me.

I forced my feet to start moving once more, until finally we were close enough to the stones to begin making out names. “It-it’s still clean.” I couldn’t help but exhale.

“Yeah, I-I uh,” Teddy tried to force out. “I visit.”

“What?” I asked, quickly turning to him.

“I visit once a week.” He nodded his head. “I visited as often as I could during my senior year, and when I came home in college.”

“What?” I forced out in shock. “Why?”

“Because I loved her.” He exhaled, laying his head against me. “She was an amazing woman, and I wasn’t letting her grandson’s stupid choices ruin my memories of her.”

“Yeah but, but you cared about her that much?” I forced out, trying my hardest to wrap my mind around it.

“When you were on tour and I would miss you, I would spend days with her.” He shrugged. “It was quiet at first, but before I knew it, I just, some of my best memories of that summer were sitting on your porch with her.”

“Mine too.” I forced a nod, as my heart began to race. “Teddy, I-I don’t think,”

“You can do this.” He tried to support.

Teddy let me go and grabbed onto his silent brother as they watched me crouch into the dirt. I felt my hand reach out and lightly touch a stone I hadn’t seen in thirteen years. I know I came here the night of my attempt, but I couldn’t bring myself to these graves. It was just too painful.

As I sat there in silent reflection I noticed Oliver studying the other two stones. “Those are my parents.” I exhaled.

“Oh.” He forced out in a gulp. I know he knows the story from being a fan, but I could tell the gravity of it all never hit him until now. “So you lost them when you were a kid?” He asked, trying to figure out what was true or not.

“Yeah.” I forced a nod. “My mom when I was four and my dad when I was five. All I had was my grandma.” I noticed Teddy pull him in closer as they heard my words.

“I’m sorry.” Oliver forced out, not knowing what else to say.

“It’s okay.” I accepted, falling back into my own world.

“Why don’t we give you a minute?” Teddy offered as I nodded once more. “We’ll be right by the car if you need us.”

Once more I fell quiet as my hand stayed on the cold stone. “I’m sorry,” I suddenly forced out. “I’m so sorry.” I continued as emotions began to break. “I let you down. I, I did everything wrong.” I shook my head. “I left Teddy, and I-I tried to run from everything.” I could feel water forming in my eyes as I spoke. “I fell into drugs and alcohol, and I tried to tell myself it would be okay, but it never was.” As the first tear fell I knew there was no holding the rest back. “I wrote about you more than I should’ve, but I needed to cope with the pain somehow. Losing you, it, it was the hardest thing in my life. Losing my parents, it didn’t even put a dent in my heart compared to your loss.”

As I fell quiet once more I felt the winter winds begin to rally around me. “But I-I’m trying to fix things. I’m trying to make you proud.” I shifted as tears fell faster and faster. “I proposed to Teddy and we’re getting married in the summer.” I announced. “I started a new band with his little brother and you, you would love him so much.” I exhaled. “He’s creative and smart and just, trouble. Just like you were.” The tears finally began to slow as the wind grew stronger. “I know you’re here right now. I know you’re listening.” I sniffled. “Well don’t worry anymore. I’m happy, and I’m back with Teddy. You can finally rest easy.” I leaned down and planted a kiss on the grave. “I love you. I can’t wait to see you when my time comes.”

I turned towards Teddy and waived Oli over. Oli hesitated at first, before finally coming to me. I could tell he wanted Teddy with him, but right now he needs to see this. He needs to know this. “She would love you.” I wiped the water off my face as he crouched next to me. “She would love that you get detentions and suspended and all that.”

“She wouldn’t get mad at me?” He forced out.

“No.” I shook my head. “She would say you’re a free spirit just trying to express himself. She would blame the schools for restricting you.”

“She’s why you’re a rockstar?” he asked, starting to put the pieces together.

“She always told me to keep my dreams high.” I nodded my head. “And she never let me settle for anything less. She saw I wanted to make music, and she did everything she possibly could to buy me what I needed.”

“Is that why you do that with me?” He asked as he saw water beginning to reappear in my eyes.

“Yeah.” I nodded once more. “Because I see how much believing in someone can drive them, and well, I believe in you.”

“Thank you.” He exhaled, not knowing what else to say. As my tears began to fall again I saw water grow in his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He repeated, matching my emotions with his. “I wish this didn’t happen to you.” I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in close as he connected with my pain. Just like her he draws from what’s around him. He connects with the people he loves, and does his best to comfort them.

“It’s okay.” I nodded hugging him tightly. “It made me who I am today, and I’m going to finally learn from it.” I exhaled, turning back and waiving Teddy over.

“She was a great woman.” He forced out, as he took Oliver’s place. “So strong, and independent. She hated the idea that I was checking on her.”

“Whenever I would call,” I began, wiping water from my face. “She would say ‘I don’t know what you and your boyfriend think of me, but I can take care of myself.’”

“She would tell me the same thing.” Teddy slowly smiled, hugging me tightly. “She loved you with everything she had. She’d brag about you over and over again. And that last concert she saw, you made her so incredibly proud Ryder.”

“Not recently.” I shook my head.

“That’s why we have second chances.” Teddy encouraged rubbing my back.

The three of us fell quiet for a few minutes until finally we all stood back up. “Can I go inside?” I asked, looking at the house.

“That’s up to you.” Teddy sighed, clutching my hand tightly. “Can you handle that?”

“Yeah.” I slowly nodded. “I need to try.”

“I-I’m gonna wait out here.” Oliver stuttered, clearly shaken by the way the house looked.

“The original lyric sheets for the early Messiah stuff is in there.” I tried to tempt. “You can see the bedroom I wrote it all in.”

“That’s okay.” He uncomfortably shifted.

“You’ll be out here alone.” Teddy shrugged as we walked towards the house.

“Fine.” He groaned, moving in close to his brother.

The second we started walking up the stairs I immediately regretted my decision. Why the hell am I doing this to myself? I should have this house burned down and destroyed. But the second I reached for the door, I felt something else there. As though it was no longer just the three of us.

I gulped and looked back to Teddy, but saw he noticed the same thing. “I felt it when I came for your clothes too.”

“Felt what?” Oli gulped, looking at the two of us.

“Nothing.” I shook my head, slowly forcing the door open. As we stepped inside I felt the atmosphere grow cold and sad. At first I thought it was just the memories coming back to me, but I saw the same thing in Teddy and Oliver. It was clear all the negative emotions and events had settled in the house, and made it what it is today. From my mother fading away from disease as she visited my grandma, to my dad hanging himself in a doorway, to my grandma stumbling outside and getting run over, and finally, to life breaking me in two. This house has been defined by tragedy.

As we stepped forward and saw pills and broken glass covering the floor all I could do was let out a deep breath. “What is this?” Oli asked, looking down at it then right to me. “No, it’s not.” He asked with a shake of his head.

“Why don’t we go outside?” Teddy offered him as tears began to well in his eyes.

“This is the spot? Isn’t it?” Oli asked, as Teddy grabbed him and began to pull him away. “Why would you come here? Why?” He cried out as the door shut behind them.

I stood there and let all the negative emotions swarm me. It’s no wonder I tried to kill myself here. It’s no wonder this place has seen so much heartache. No, it’s not the house. It’s the people who lived in it.

It was us. It was the way things happened. It was disease and depression. This house, I had so many happy memories here. I remember learning to play guitar here. I remember learning to sing here. I remember playing for my grandma here, and practicing with the band way out back. I remember Teddy coming to visit me here. I remember falling for him here. I remember sleeping with him here. Everything happened here.

I slowly nodded my head before turning around and walking out the door. “Is he okay?” I asked as I noticed Oli idly sitting in the car.

“He will be.” Teddy nodded his head. “I think this was just a lot for him is all. He’s never lost anything before.”

“He’s lucky.” I exhaled, looking at him. “I want us to move into this house.”

“Ryder,” Teddy nervously began.

“I know it feels, off, and needs some care.” I tried to comfort. “But it’s been abandoned for years and years, how else is it supposed to feel?” He stayed quiet as he heard my question. “And we can have it blessed just to be safe.”

“I’m not worried about ghosts or spirits, or anything like that.” Teddy dismissed. “I-I’m worried about you. I’m worried about what this house means to you.”

“It means summer nights and falling in love.” I began. “It means sitting up late and talking to my grandma. It means family and taking care of one another.” I explained. “This is where I was raised, and I-I want to raise my family here too.”

“but Ryder,”

“I get it, I do.” I shook my head. “My dad died in there and my grandma died right on this road. They’re all buried right outside the front door, and maybe that’s not healthy. But I keep running from it all Teddy and I can’t do that anymore.”

“but won’t it torture you to,”

“Not anymore.” I rejected. “I’m making my peace with it all. If you’ll let me, I’d love to try this.”

“I’m in.” He nodded his head, as surprise rang through me. “I don’t know why, I guess I see how much it means to you. But I just, I get it. After our wedding, let’s do it.”

“I’ll get people to clean it up right away.” I shook my head. “And, and I’ll get renovators and whatever you want. Just say it and I’ll have it put into the house.”

He nodded his head and grabbed my hand before slowly pulling me in for a kiss. I hit the jackpot with him. How many guys would put up with the stuff he does? How many would stick around through it all? I’ll make sure this house is beautiful for you. For our family.