Obey - 34. Chapter 34 -- Other Nights

dE@ath

From Alan: You still have your dick, or did you finally get it chopped off?

From dE@th: still have it damn it. want it gone, and want a pussy. don’t want to be female, just male with pussy

From Alan: You’re the only guy I know who I think might be happier dickless. Especially if you get rid of those useless rubber balls.

From dE@th: know any contacts to make it happen?

From Alan: Nope, you’re going to have to pay a decent surgeon.

From dE@th: yeah, have to find someone. i told you about my implants?

From Alan: I’ve seen them. You keep forgetting who I am. When we were both in our 20s and I was still single, we used to fuck each other all the time. And we’ve run into each other now and then. It’s a small city.

From dE@th: oh, yeah.

From Alan: That’s why I told you to get rid of your implants – unless they’re saving the skin on your balls to help line your new vagina. But rubber balls on a eunuch are kind of unnecessary. You’d be more fitting with a limp dick and a shriveled little sack.

From dE@th: so you think i should keep the dick and my shriveled sack? i kinda want a pussy to be fucked in. i need to find out how you kill the balls.

From Alan: You said your dick stays limp all the time anyhow, so just let it dangle. It’s probably a lot easier than getting it legally chopped off. And it’s a lot easier getting fucked up the butt than dealing with maintaining a less-than-sensitive artificial vagina. Though I don’t know what science has been able to come up with lately.

From dE@th: i didn’t realize a fake cunt wouldn’t be sensitive. i love getting fisted. i have cunt-like orgasms that way.

From Alan: Doctors use the sensitive skin from your dick and balls to build the artificial vagina. I thought that’s why you were using the implants, to keep your sack from shriveling. Of course, your sack is hairy while your dick isn’t, so your dick’s probably mostly used for the smooth vagina walls. But your dick skin doesn’t automatically produce lubricants the way a real vagina does, so you have to steadily lubricate a fake one. And it’s probably never going to be even half as sensitive as a real one – and maybe nowhere near as sensitive as your old dick.

From dE@th: too bad.

From Alan: Well, part of the reason some transsexuals want a vagina is psychological – so they really feel like they’re women. You just want another hole to get fucked in. And if you really can get off by being fisted, that’s the way to go. Just get rid of your implants – they keep the look of your old balls, and you seem to need to keep reminding yourself you’re not really a guy. Besides, the drugs you’re on already keep your dick shriveled.

From dE@th: wow, you know so much. i would love your help in all this.

From Alan: Everything I learned was from the Internet, and I’m probably getting some of it wrong trying to simplify it for you. You could read it yourself, but it’s probably more than you’d want.

From dE@th: hate reading. rather be fisted.

From Alan: Well, losing your dick and gaining a vagina is a lot harder than having your balls chopped off.

From dE@th: very cool, thank you. curious what your fascination is with the subject. i think it’s awesome.

From Alan: I just don’t know many other guys who’ve had themselves castrated and are now thinking about having their dicks chopped off. And I’ve always liked you. Part of me wishes we were still in our 20s, fucking our way through summers.

From dE@th: i don’t remember that.

From Alan: I do.

From dE@th: i fucked so many guys. paying for it now.

From Alan: I was more careful. Or maybe luckier. And I really don’t think you have the patience to maintain a fake vagina. Which means it would only close up. Then you would be fucked.

From dE@th: we should see each other again. i want your arm up my ass.

From Alan: I wouldn’t know how to begin.

From dE@th: with your fingers.

From Alan: I never remember you being funny. You were always so tense.

From dE@th: i was?

From Alan: Yeah – in a great way.

From dE@th: catch up with you again.

From Alan: I wish. Only if time could go backwards.

@live

From Alan: Is that a recent picture?

From @live: Yeah, hard to believe.

From Alan: You’ve lost your beard. Let your hair grow back. Don’t look at all scary.

From @live: Some guys even say I’m good-looking.

From Alan: Again. I’ll give you that. Any other changes?

From @live: Well my balls ain’t growing back.

From Alan: Sorry you did that?

From @live: Nah. I never told people the real reason. Double cancer.

From Alan: Yikes.

From @live: Yeah I thought shit, I’m 43 and I’m gonna die. And with a limp dick. Fucked. That’s when I let things slide.

From Alan: What changed?

From @live: My ex-wife died. I was suddenly responsible for our kids.

From Alan: I’m not sure I ever knew you were married. And had kids.

From @live: It was a long time ago. In my 20s. Right after I flunked out of college. I was determined to do something right.

From Alan: It didn’t work?

From @live: Not even close. I hurt my ex and created 2 kids I was never around. Not enough anyway. I sent money, at least till the slide. But it wasn’t the same.

From Alan: What happened to your wife?

From @live: She remarried. She was only 22 when I split. And this guy was good. He raised my kids well. But I was around enough so they never thought of him as their Dad. Still call me that.

From Alan: I meant how did your wife die?

From @live: Oh. Car accident. Her fault as far as we can tell. Speeding. She was always late. Lost control.

From Alan: Sorry to hear that.

From @live: It really shook me up. But in a good way.

From Alan: Sad it had to happen that way.

From @live: For her, yeah. Good for me.

From Alan: The kids living with you now?

From @live: They weren’t living with her. My daughter’s 26 and my son’s 25. They’re both married with their own kids.

From Alan: You’re a grandfather?

From @live: Yeah. Got all kinds of secrets.

From Alan: You were never very open.

From @live: We were there to fuck, kid. Just to fuck.

From Alan: Is that where I picked up “kid” from? I never called people that till I met you.

From @live: Another of my lousy habits. I can never remember names. Don’t even try. More of my ADD.

From Alan: You’re flooding me with information.

From @live: I feel good.

From Alan: Are you working again?

From @live: Yeah, back to my old gig. Service manager for the dealership. Living off the rich folks.

From Alan: I knew you loved cars.

From @live: Easier to deal with than people. Fuckin’ easier than school.

From Alan: I always thought you were bright.

From @live: That has nothing to do with studying.

From Alan: But there was an intelligence in your eyes. You were trying to play dumb, but you were always watching.

From @live: And you knew that. You had me doing some of the damdest things. Things I’d never done before. Not with guys. I wanted to but was scared. And you took me right there.

From Alan: Why were you afraid?

From @live: Because it meant I really wanted guys. Loved being fucked by them. Needed to be. Wanted to be owned.

From Alan: You were too fierce to be owned.

From @live: I fought it till I caved. Then I caved big.

From Alan: The cancer?

From @live: And what came after. Not really drugs. Easy stuff. Getting high. But I drank too often. And too much. And I bloated. Stopped taking care of my body.

From Alan: You were a mess last time I saw you.

From @live: That was something, huh? I’m really sorry.

From Alan: Living in one room of a friend’s house. Owning almost nothing.

From @live: That was my house. I was renting it for the money. And I gave away everything when I thought I was dead. What was the point?

From Alan: God.

From @live: Yeah, bottom.

From Alan: You always said you were one.

From @live: Not that way lol.

From Alan: I never wanted you that way. I always wanted you as an equal, standing chest to chest.

From @live: That was hot. Your nips against mine.

From Alan: But you wouldn’t kiss me. You’d shut your eyes and clamp your teeth.

From @live: I opened them to take your dick.

From Alan: When prodded.

From @live: You never had to force it up my ass.

From Alan: No. Your toes hit your shoulders faster than I could blink.

From @live: I loved getting fucked. Loved anything in my hole. Too much. Way too much.

From Alan: How’s it doing?

From @live: Healing. Slowly. It will never be the same. But it’s a reminder. Much more than my missing balls. I had no control over what happened to them. But I really let my hole get fucked.

From Alan: As long as you’re well again.

From @live: Better. Getting there. It’s good to be there for my grandkids. They’re amazing. Not sure what I had to do with that.

From Alan: Maybe you have better genes than you think.

From @live: Except for the cancer.

From Alan: Is it in your family?

From @live: Some. I should have expected it. But not that way.

From Alan: It’s nothing guys talk about.

From @live: Who knows? I remember the women dying. 2 of my aunts. My grandmother.

From Alan: How are your parents? They still alive?

From @live: Oh yeah and only in their 70s. They’re amazed I’m back. Gave up on me years ago.

From Alan: I only noticed the slide the last time I saw you.

From @live: But they saw me all the time. And I never did anything they wanted. Not since I screwed up college. Maybe before that. Nah, they liked me playing football.

From Alan: I didn’t know that, either.

From @live: Shoulda guessed with my build.

From Alan: Yeah.

From @live: Should of had a scholarship but my grades sucked.

From Alan: They must’ve been bad if you were any kind of player.

From @live: I was ok. But my grades were shit.

From Alan: That doesn’t matter now. You’re well past that.

From @live: If I can stay.

From Alan: I’m sure you can. You did for years.

From @live: Except the part about wanting to be fucked.

From Alan: You were fine at that, too. You’re still part of my imagination.

From @live: The last time didn’t wreck it?

From Alan: Nah. I try not to remember.

From @live: Thanks.

From Alan: Anyway, it’s been great catching up. And great knowing you’re well.

From @live: Yeah. I’d really like to see you again. If I was still doing that.

From Alan: You’re not?

From @live: I don’t trust myself.

From Alan: I’m pretty well out of it, too. You remember I’m married.

From @live: Yep.

From Alan: So what are you doing online?

From @live: Staying in touch with friends. I’ve still got a bunch of them.

From Alan: That’s why I’m here, too. And to look at the pictures.

From @live: No harm in that.

From Alan: That’s what I keep telling myself.

(end of book.)