Obey - 22. Chapter 22 -- Variation

From sub: day 69. fearing the nearness of the end. haven’t felt like eating much and am weirdly down to 211. boyfriend and i talked some this morning but nothing changed except he kissed me. though when i tried to respond he moved away. i stupidly asked him if he was having an affair and if that’s why he was keeping away. or even was someone ordering him to? he could have gotten angry but just laughed and said “I love you, Grady. Why would I ever do that?” then i admitted i’d messed around on the net and he said he always knew that and i said that was all over and all i ever wanted was to have good sex with him. and that’s where we stopped because i don’t think either of us knew what to do next. except you gave me the answer–that all I have to do is listen to him, all the time, even if he doesn’t understand what’s happening. i’m just not sure i can do that

From Alan: OK, this is as bad pop psychology as yours, but I’ve always felt I was being given help from outside. Maybe not help exactly, but protection. Of course, those saints would have to be pretty twisted, or they were pretty deprived of everything in life, if they’re letting me flaunt so many of their vows. Though the Bible never says “Don’t covet the guy next door,” except if you stretch that to mean “thy neighbor’s ass.” The Bible’s sometimes too sexist for its own good. But if I have outside help, maybe I’ve passed some of that on to you. So it might be useful if we both just listened.

From sub: it would be easier for me just to fuck my boyfriend every night but i’m not sure i entirely disagree with what you’re saying. of course, following your order would make my life a lot like hell. but it seems that’s what I want

From Alan: At this point, Grady, you’re so focused on sex, you’d do anything anyone tells you. But don’t fuck your partner. That wouldn’t make you happy. Even though you’re a guy who looks like a natural top – and I’m not saying there is such a thing. But that might have been what first attracted your partner to you and the discovery that you weren’t what you seemed may be why he seems less interested now. And I’m not saying you did anything wrong or anything that was false, because people change all the time – we simply do. There was a time when I was only interested in women, and then a really neat guy came along. He was my assistant basketball coach in college, and under the guise of telling me stories about Roman soldiers and their masculinity, he got my dick hard. Then, as part of this fake Roman ritual, I sucked him off. Then he sucked me, and things continued from there. But you can’t fuck your partner, Grady. If anything, you’ve got to fuck yourself.

From sub: you said it’s hard for a horny guy with a hard dick to resist any advice. but i’m still trying

From Alan: I also said, there were two horny guys in this mix. But I can at least now go jerk off.

From sub: day 70. finally here. seems like it took forever but only a few more hours and i can cum. mixed feelings as you know. but i know i need to follow your instructions

From Alan: Whatever you do, relax and enjoy yourself.

From sub: day 71. interestingly enough i didn’t complete my goal. you know I slept badly yesterday so i was really tired last night and went to bed at nine. i started stroking then letting off, then stroking again and gradually building on that so that i’d be cumming around 10. i didn’t think a couple minutes here or there mattered. but one of the times i let off i fell asleep and didn’t wake up till the middle of the night. then i didn’t much feel like doing anything so i rolled over and went back to sleep. will do it again tonight so it looks like its gonna be 71 days. sorry

From Alan: That’s just funny. It’s the old joke: A rooster’s chasing a hen when the farmer comes out with their feed. The rooster immediately stops and runs to eat, and the farmer shakes his head and says, “Damn. I hope I’m never that hungry.” In any case, you did the right thing. You were taking the time to enjoy yourself. But if you were so tired, it obviously wasn’t the right time. So try again tonight when you have more focus. And it’s not like you’re torturing yourself by holding off and forcing yourself to wait. Your body simply needs to readjust.

From sub: i thought you’d be amused Sir

From Alan: Yeah, you wait, and you strain, and you discipline yourself, and you force your body you to do things no reasonable-minded person would consider. And then, when you finally give yourself permission to do something you really want, you fall asleep.

From sub: but if you dangled a chastity belt in front of me, Sir, i’d be on my knees, begging to put it on

From Alan: I hope you were successful tonight. It’ll be the morning before I can check.

From sub: actually Sir i was really tired again last night. i went to bed early again, around 9 just like i did the night before. and i started jerking nice and slow and i didn’t fall asleep this time, that’s not what happened. but i just wasn’t into it, just not enough Sir. i wanted it to be special, i mean i’ve waited all this time. and it just wasn’t working. so sorry Sir. i’ll try again tonight

From Alan: In one way, I want to say, “Your body knows best, so listen to it.” In another, I want to order you to come – because now I think you are just torturing yourself. Also, you’ve let me bring your partner more into these notes lately than ever before. So are you sure you don’t want to bring him into this?

From sub: you really don’t understand Sir. last night one of the things i was thinking about as i jerked was how great it would be if my boyfriend and I had the easy kind of sex you seem to have with your wife. And I just pictured my boyfriend and me lying on our couch, with my head against his lap. except this time we were both naked and both hard and I just turned my head and sucked his cock until he came and then he leaned over and sucked me till I did. and then without even moving, we laughed and went back to watching tv

From Alan: Why couldn’t you make that happen?

From sub: because if you were a dom and you were dead set against letting a sub ever see your cock let alone sucking it it could never happen. And it never will. My boyfriend and i will have sex again. i never worry about that. But it’ll be our usual way, in his dark bedroom, when he finally wants and following his rules. and it’ll be fine and fun and i’ll love being able to touch him again as suck on his cock. And i’ll love him sucking me but then it will be over and we’ll just forget about having sex for the next two or three months. he can turn it off, right like that. and i can’t, you know that. and i don;t want to. i want to be able to suck him every night. i want to stroke him every night. and i want him to stroke me

From Alan: You can’t have that, Grady. Once every two or three months, on his schedule. Those are his rules, and they’re mine. And you’re a good boy, so you’ve got to follow them.

From sub: he’s not my Master Sir

From Alan: But I am. You made that choice. And that’s my standing order. Along with not shaving, not contacting other guys, and never doing anything dangerous.

(No answer from sub.)

From Alan: Yes, well, I thought that might happen. Take care, Grady.

(No answer from sub. Another day.)

From sub: maybe i’m letting myself fall asleep because i know this is going to be over and i’m not really sure i want it to end

From Alan: You’ve said that before,Grady, and I told you it has to happen. I don’t know what you’ve been thinking for the past two days, but I’ll bet you’re making yourself crazy.

From sub: maybe Sir. but i remember what a downer the cumming was for me the last time, like a depression. i can’t take that along with not having sex

From Alan: But you’ll be having it every day if you want. Whenever you’d like. Any place that’s reasonable.

From sub: alone

From Alan: Not alone. Your partner will never be far away – to supervise you.

From sub: without knowing it.

From Alan: You don’t know that.

From sub: i’ve got to admit that a week after cumming the last time it made all the difference. like everything went back to pretty much normal and i felt like a different man. back on the work track, life just sort of going on. That was before I had my boyfriend but I went right back to having regular sex with guys

From Alan: I really wouldn’t worry about a depression that hasn’t happened yet. Because it may never happen. Last time was what? Twenty years ago? It’s a different situation now, and you’ll know how to handle it. You already are. You’re relaxed and comfortably masturbating. You can stroke happily and comfortably fall asleep. You just need to let yourself finish. You can’t ask your partner’s permission because you know he’ll never give it. But you know what he does, and he expects you to do the same. I’ll bet sometimes your partner wakes up in the middle of the night, hard as you ever are, and he strokes and lies comfortably there thinking about you. And maybe he decides to skip the stroking and wait till the next day and turn it into full-out sex. He knows you like that. And he knows you like to wait. So jerk away. Any way you want. But this time come.

From sub: Is that an order Sir?

From Alan: It has been for five days.

From sub: i was successful this time Sir. the orgasm was very intense. i went for a while and there were no peaks and valleys, just an intense orgasm that kept up. i did ejaculate a lot of fluid this time but mostly the sort of clear type like precum. that was different because in the past it’s always been kind of dry. and my head was in my boyfriend’s lap. we were on the couch but he just watched. i could feel him getting hard when i opened my jeans. i could feel his dick getting bigger under my head, but he just sat there and watched me very slowly jerk. it must have taken a half hour Sir because i kept stopping and starting like you said. and I kept hearing different tv in the background because my boyfriend didn’t mute the sound. like he wanted to see if it would distract me. like it was a test. but I didn’t let it. i just blocked it out. and afterward, when I was lying there, i was afraid he was going to say something stupid like, “are you going to tell your Master about that?” Instead he said, “You can do that any time, Grady.” then we laughed and he leaned over and kissed me. we’ve always been good at kissing Sir and we went on for a good long time. then he jerked in front of me. i can’t remember the last time he did that, it’s usually my job. he very slowly got up from the couch, and he carefully took off his clothes and neatly folded them on the coffee table. then he stood right in front of me, tv off now, and jerked. he showed me how he did it. and he let me catch it in my mouth Sir. he’s usually so careful about not letting that happen. but he let me and i was so grateful. please let me know if you want any more details Sir or if you have any questions. by the way i weighed myself this morning and i’m still at 211.

From Alan: That’s amazing, Grady, and I don’t want any details. You didn’t mention anything about depression, and I don’t think that’s going to happen. I think you’re back to normal, and I’m sure you’ll stay that way. And stretch out on the couch whenever you want. Or stand in front of him, as he’s showed you. Maybe, sometimes, he’ll even stand in front of you. But don’t expect it. Don’t expect anything. As for anything else, well, you’re your own man again – not that I’ve ever thought you weren’t in the ten weeks we’ve known each other. But you don’t have to answer to me. You’ve got your master. It’s been fun getting your e-mails, and I’ll miss them. But you’re free. You’re yours. Go ahead. Go.

From sub: Yes, Sir!

(end of Variation)